Well. 63 chapters later and here we are. The first of three Books within this story is officially done, marking somewhere in-between the one-third and halfway point of the story itself. I use the range roughly, as I don't yet know exactly where the length will end up once the rewriting and editing takes place. It's taken a while to get even this far, but I haven't given up yet, nor do I intend to. This 'chapter,' if you will, is to be the first of three in similar style, detailing my thoughts on each Book of the story itself with a chapter-by-chapter breakdown. However, with this first commentary of sorts, I would like to open with a bit of commentary on Clouded Horizons itself.
Clouded Horizons
Little did I know that years ago, when I first began writing Destiny's Call as a spur of the moment thought soon after completing Final Fantasy X, that I would find myself caught up in something as expansive as the multiverse my co-authors and I have tried to create with this series. I use the term multiverse because Clouded Horizons is not to be just one Realm, but eventually ten realms of our entirely original creation. At the present time, this story will stay the way it is – mostly because I have no desire to try and excise so many plot and story elements at once and leave the readers completely lost – but I do intend to one day go back and rewrite it to be a completely original story. It's an ambitious goal, I know, but one that I've worked on for years now with the co-authors I've come to know as good friends. Without them, this project – and this story, in particular – would almost certainly not exist, and for that, I offer them both my heartfelt thanks.
But enough sappy words – on to more pressing matters.
As said above, the Clouded Horizons series will eventually come to encompass ten Realms, and this story along with any one-shot stories set in the same world take place in the Eighth Realm. The canon stories currently posted by my co-authors and I take place in, so far, a total of three of these Realms, as follows:
Eighth Realm: Final Fantasy VIII: Dimensional Legend, Family Rites (Daniel Wesley Rydell), A Question of Honor (Daniel Wesley Rydell), Sanctuary (Daniel Wesley Rydell), Memoirs (Daniel Wesley Rydell), Affinity (Daniel Wesley Rydell), Negotiations (Daniel Wesley Rydell)
Ninth Realm: The Runic Legacy (Daniel Wesley Rydell)
Tenth Realm: Final Fantasy X: Destiny's Call/Chronicles of the Chosen, Final Fantasy X-2: Eternal Requiem, Guardian, Foreshadow of Memory (Daniel Wesley Rydell), Subtleties of Honor (Daniel Wesley Rydell)
I will note that these are only the stories which are currently uploaded; there are a total of eight more completed one-shots which have yet to be uploaded that take place in the Eighth Realm, simply because this story has not reached that point yet. There is also a short novella by Iron Reaver and another by me, both set in the Eighth Realm, still in production, and an original story set in the Third Realm that I am currently working on as well. The story for Third Realm, Clouded Horizons: Halcyon, may be published on Fictionpress once I feel I have enough material to work with to begin uploading the story, but I haven't made a decision on that as of yet. There's a long way to go, but we still have a lot of material to share with our readers, and we hope that all of you have enjoyed things so far and will enjoy what's yet to come.
Now, I'll begin with my actual commentary on the chapters of Book I, Mortal Conflict.
Part I: A Hero's Challenge
Chapter I: March for Glory
This was the opening of an entirely original arc that I designed to segue into the story proper, specifically where we began our roleplaying at years ago when the story was first conceived. In the beginning, we all began in the world of Final Fantasy VIII, but at the end of Eternal Requiem, the entire cast was still in Spira and not Gaia, and so something had to be done to bridge the two. Looking back, I see it as kind of a weak opening, as there are lots of things I could've described better or expanded upon in terms of both place description and character interactions, but it serves its purpose of breaking into the story. The first of a few new characters here, Catherine Stone, never appeared in the roleplays, and was designed specifically for this arc – she, along with the rest, may make repeat appearances later on in the story.
Chapter II: Round One Begins
The first real action chapter of the story, this had Ben facing off against Catherine for round one. This was intended to show that while Ben, and by extension the rest of the main cast, were very powerful individuals given everything they had experienced, there were plenty of people in Spira who had trained to a high level as well besides them. Catherine was designed as a light blade fighter, well-rounded with melee offense and magical technique both of high skill levels, but with magic aimed more at crippling and status-inflicting rather than pure offense. Some edits that I would like to make include cutting down on the calling of attacks – mostly for flow reasons than anything – and extending the fight a bit, as I feel it was a bit short compared to what it could have been.
Chapter III: Magical Mayhem
This chapter had the second round of the tournament, introducing Joshua Bedouin, another character created for this arc. Joshua was intended to be an archetypical mage – weak in melee combat, but with a variety of magic, nearly all of which was of the offensive variety. Most of this fight was designed to be a battle of magic, with each trying to outdo the other with various spells, but I realize that from a purely tactical standpoint, it made less sense to have that than to have Ben trying to stick to melee and exploit that opening, a fact I would like to fix in a revision. Another issue that stands out to me is the fact of who or what Ben saw at the end, after the match; while I don't mind leaving it vague, it comes off now to me as a bit too vague, and would also warrant some fixing.
Chapter IV: Playing Games
Round three was featured this chapter, and it opened with Ben finally settling into something resembling calm for the rest of the matches – I intended to show that he had been trying to beat opponents at their own games, which was doing him no good, instead of sticking to a fighting style that worked for him. It also showcased the third of the arc-exclusive characters, Seth Anderson, who was designed to be closest to a Dark Knight from older Final Fantasy games than anything, minus the heavy armor. This fight was intended to be shorter than the others – though it could still be extended more, just like the rest – and showcase the difference in Ben's demeanor between the previous rounds and this one. It also saw the return of Darius DeValle, the Lightning Alchemist from Eternal Requiem and a Planeswalker of Soul Society, who would become the first of a multitude of recurring characters, two more of whom were showcased in this arc.
Chapter V: Proving Grounds
This chapter featured both round four and the semifinal round, first against the last arc-exclusive character – Amy Mitsura – and then against Andréa Beoulve, a Planeswalker for Soul Society and longtime friend and associate of Darius. Amy was conceived initially as a hand-to-hand fighter, taking inspiration and techniques from the game Diablo II: Lord of Destruction, a game I've enjoyed for years as my co-authors can attest. That fight had a twist in the agreement to make it a hand-to-hand battle, both playing to Amy's strength and back into the pitfall of Ben desiring to beat his opponents at their own games. I intended to make this fight very dependent on maneuvering and timing, but it didn't work out as well as it was planned to.
Andréa, conversely, had a much different fighting style, using a mix of swordplay, kicks, and magic that drew from another game, Star Ocean: Till the End of Time. This fighting style would eventually shift after this fight to a more magically-based one as she embraced the arts of the Ritualist, still keeping her mid-to-close range preference. Overall, I was more pleased with her portion of the chapter, but an inconsistency or two snuck through that I still need to fix – namely, Ben reclaiming his sword after his Overdrive.
Chapter VI: All or Nothing
This chapter showcased the final round of the tournament, as well as the twist to the plot arc intended to open the story with the appearance of the Forsaken. Inspiration for the Forsaken themselves came from the game Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne, where they exist in similar fashion as monsters that few encounter and even fewer understand. The fight itself was primarily designed to introduce one of the remaining 'main' characters for the story, Liam Bayloh, otherwise known as Angel, a Planeswalker for the Ethereal Plane. With that, there was a Planeswalker from each major plane of the Eighth Realm present for events, which was unintended but an interesting occurrence in hindsight. One major change I intend to make if and when I rewrite the chapter is using Angel's actual name in introduction; while he was more commonly referred to by his nickname, it only makes sense for him to have his actual name on registration. Being a vampire, or a Vayash Moru as termed by the three of us, he has incredible amounts of endurance and stamina, not to mention roughly two centuries of experience as a Planeswalker, and would have easily beaten Ben had the fight not been interrupted.
The use of Scan magic on the Forsaken that arrive brought up an interesting question to me, in hindsight – why wouldn't Ben use it on the people he was fighting? The answer to that is that he would have simply overlooked the very idea; even after all this time, he still thinks in terms of things being a game, at least in part, and would naturally only think to use it on fiends, mostly because there are really no humans that are fought in the actual games that serve as the setting for the previous two stories besides Shuyin.
Also, in retrospect, this is probably the only time that Darius is ever seen in melee combat – he prefers his guns above all else – not to mention that he told Ben that he owes him a favor. I intend for that to come back in some form later on.
Daniel Wesley Rydell (DWR):
The idea behind Liam is simple, as he was originally heavily based on the character Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the spinoff Angel. While a lot of his back-story will be focused on in coming chapters, as of this point the idea was to show that he was a warrior, and while Ben had been fighting and winning (albeit by the seat of his pants), there was a battle he could not win, at least not at the level of expertise that he currently was at.
Chapter VII: Forsaken
Chapter seven prompted the realization that things are a bit worse than initially expected – Bevelle and Macalania are both under attack, being the two closest to the Calm Lands, already effectively occupied by the fiends. This was also one of the first times, if not the first time, where Ben used his abilities as a Planeswalker; at this point, however, he did not understand exactly what they were, instead mistaking them for simple teleportation. It also explained the nature of the Forsaken and where they came from, which was something that took me a while to come up with a good explanation for. As they aren't typical fiends as seen in present-day Spira, I went with the idea that they were not created from strong feelings like other monsters, but from the very energy of death itself. Initially, they were territorial yet confined mostly to the outskirts of the Calm Lands, staying away from population, but the years after Sin's appearance caused large amounts of death and destruction that they fed on, creating more of themselves and increasing in power and hostility until they started coming into conflict with the populace. Eventually, after being sealed away in King Agamand's castle, what few were not sealed wound up dead as a result of the Spiran populace around Bevelle and the Calm Lands, as well as wandering Sinspawn or other powerful fiends.
Chapter VIII: Into the Abyss
This chapter served as the introduction to the castle itself, and was supposed to be big on atmosphere and dungeon-crawling. It falls short of my expectations now, given the short length and a glaring error or two, most notably the dead bodies in the chamber, which would have decayed long before present time, no matter the preservation state of the castle. That will eventually be changed to be bodies of civilians taken from the Calm Lands and brought back to the castle soon before entry. The fight with Larazon itself was designed to be simple and quick, as despite the adviser's Unsent nature, he was not much of a fighter in life, only clinging to the desire to leave the castle that he was unfortunately trapped in.
Chapter IX: All Is Twilight
More castle-delving filled this chapter, and things were mostly straightforward as far as content goes. Some things I would like to go back and elaborate on include why there were so few Forsaken in the castle proper, as well as why Malthorious and his minions seemed to simply be waiting for us to arrive. The first is simply because most of the fiends were outside, on the attack, while the second issue is due to the fact that he and the other fiends were grouping for an attack against the rallied forces outside. The Spectral Dragon fight was a fight that would've been entirely avoided, had circumstances been better – having to find keys to a magical door was a hitch in the plan neither Angel nor Ben expected, and Ben deciding to run instead of fight only made sense, when everyone was fighting for their lives outside. Staying to fight would've been a stupid move, only putting more people in danger, and that was something that even he realized.
Chapter X: Fate's Hand
Upon first look, I realize now that some of my formatting was messed up; apparently, question marks and exclamation points can no longer exist beside each other, which will have to be fixed. This chapter was split between fighting the 'boss' of the Forsaken, as well as the realization that Ben had a higher calling for his duties as a Planeswalker, duties which he was still not fully aware of. One thing I will explain here, now that our canon is solidified more, is just why Ben began in the Tenth Realm as opposed to the Eighth Realm, since he was chosen to be a Planeswalker for that realm.
In essence, the decision was Freya's at the core of it all. Earth itself is a part of the First Realm, which houses a variety of beings and serves as a sort of repository for resources the Authors may utilize as part of their own creations, whether in whole or part. Consequently, it often serves as a place where Authors or Ancients look for potential Planeswalkers; there is another Planeswalker of the Ethereal Plane who has not been mentioned yet who is also from Earth. Freya did not feel that Ben would be ready to assume duties as a Planeswalker if initially brought to the Eighth Realm, so she deigned to ask the Author of the Eighth Realm for assistance. An agreement was worked out with the Author of the Tenth Realm for Ben to be tested in their Realm, as they expressed interest in Freya's intentions, and then for Ben to either be sent back to Earth if not suitable for the task or brought to Eighth Realm if found worthy; the fayth Bahamut was used as a liaison of sorts between the two during these events. Thus, the events of Destiny's Call happened. At this point, Freya believed she had seen enough to make a decision, but it would be on the decisions of her advisers as well as Will to allow Ben to continue being tested. The events of Eternal Requiem then took place, and Freya would make the decision afterwards to accept him as an Ethereal Planeswalker, sending Angel to Tenth Realm to retrieve him. Angel, however, wanted to test Ben himself, and so entered the tournament after realizing that he would be entering as well.
The pacing of this chapter needed to be slowed down a bit, however; I could've done a lot more with the dialogue than I did by expanding the fayth's explanation and the conversation between Angel and Ben.
Chapter XI: Journey
This chapter was designed to serve as the actual bridging event between the opening of Dimensional Legend and the rest of the story. The fayth was the one to transport the ship itself to Gaia, but a sufficiently powerful Planeswalker could be able to do so as well, albeit with a considerable expenditure of magical energy and a long period of rest afterwards. The descriptions were a bit concise, mostly because I was making an assumption that people reading this story would have played Final Fantasy VIII and wouldn't need to have everything spelled out for them, but I would like to go back and redo descriptions in this chapter with that assumption cast aside, as it has turned out to be an incorrect assumption. One big note that I made is that while Squall's team would likely be the ones to come out and investigate, especially given the nature of the appearance, Squall's office was the location of the meeting; given SeeD protocol, a briefing room or other neutral location within Garden, under careful watch, would make more sense.
Another potential anomaly that may have been noticed – why was Angel's car at Balamb Garden? The answer is, simply put, the most obvious one. Angel has been a SeeD operative for many years now, a member of Balamb Garden since soon after the organization was founded and presently a temporary Instructor at Trabia Garden. At Balamb, he was an Instructor and a senior field operative, and participated in the field exam at Dollet under the command of Xu Xucai. The Headmaster, Cid Kramer, is one of the few people in the Garden organization who knows about Angel in great detail; the Headmaster is aware of the fact that Angel is a Vayash Moru, as well as a Planeswalker, and has heard stories about his past that Angel has felt comfortable confiding in few others. As a note, only a few other people in Balamb Garden are aware of that information – Xu and Squall know that Angel is both a Vayash Moru and a Planeswalker, while the rest of Squall's team, referred to as "First Team" and serving a role as Balamb Garden's special operations force, know that he is a Vayash Moru only.
DWR:
Liam has fairly strong ties to Balamb, as discussed in later chapters. He considers Xu to be a personal friend, and Cid a mentor as well as a friend. The "First Team" analogy is a nod to an author on ff net by the name of gietzeng, but in our case is used as one of a number of special operations teams, which each of the Gardens have.
Chapter XII: Arrival
The goal of this chapter was to showcase Trabia Garden and some of the new layout, and it is one of the few times that I wished that I could draw with any decency, because drawing a floor layout of the three floors of the Garden would help immensely even now as I write the story. This is one of the chapters which I feel would deserve a total rework, because I would like to go back and have such a layout as mentioned above before writing it so that I could give a better feel for the size of the Garden and the locations within. Trabia Garden, as noted in the chapter, is not so much just a single compound as an entire complex, given the overhauls done to both the main Garden and additions made by the Headmaster. Accommodations had to be made for an aircraft hangar to house the White Knights' airship fleet, as well as other hangars and buildings for the small detachment of mechanized infantry and armored units belonging to the Blue Knights. I could go into much more detail regarding Trabia Garden's enhanced forces, but much of that information can be found on our Clouded Horizons wiki, which has a link in my profile. Suffice it to say that Trabia now sports a vastly enhanced campus, with the main Garden structure still retaining the flight ability of the other Gardens while leaving the rest stationary, and is capable of fielding small amounts of air and naval forces, as well as large amounts of regular SeeD forces backed by vehicular and artillery support. Darius DeValle, Sr. desired his investment protected, and is a firm believer in the idea that money spent protecting his holdings is money well-spent.
DWR:
You'd be surprised how well it is protected… /ominous
Chapter XIII: Exploration and Experiences
Here, I intended to explain a bit about a major mechanic within Final Fantasy VIII – namely, the use of Guardian Forces and junctioning. The fight with Shiva is subpar now, in my opinion, but I still have no qualms with my explanation of junctioning, which was my favorite part of the chapter to write and one of my favorite parts up to that point. While you never see anyone in-game learning to junction, there has to be some kind of explanation to it, and it is likely not as easy for an average person to learn as detailed here; Ben's ability to pick it up quickly comes from the fact that he has been using magic for quite some time, and would naturally have an easier time understanding the concepts as opposed to a fresh cadet within Garden.
Chapter XIV: Higher Powers
A lot of this chapter was spent introducing the concept of the outer planes, in this case, the Ethereal Plane. Some of the dialogue here needs to be reworked, as we only had one outer plane when this chapter was originally written, but it was expanded as of the present to have three. The form of address that Kisara uses towards Freya is also a bit outdated, but that in itself is simply a personal case; Freya has many forms of address from many beings in the plane, depending on the one addressing her. The Holy Stones themselves were initially meant to have a more involved subplot, but I eventually decided upon leaving it as a relatively minor piece…at least, until the very last chapter of this Book brought back the Aries stone from some forty-odd chapters back, anyway.
DWR:
As later portrayed, each of the Pillars on occasion refer to the Creator as "Mother" or its variant.
Part II: The Zodiac Brave Story
Chapter I: Between Heaven and Earth
This chapter marked the true opening of the subplot containing the Holy Stones, and showed a bit more about Kisara, the Divine Magus from the previous chapter. Kisara is somewhat young by Ethereal standards, and while she has the best intentions in mind more often than not, she can be somewhat impulsive in her execution. Kisara also has a history with Katanas that goes back quite a few years, to be detailed more in Iron Reaver's Trial by Fire, but they're close acquaintances and have been for some time. Kisara is, in actuality, the first outer planar being that Katanas met, and originally met with him to ask him to become a Planeswalker under Freya.
It also shows a bit of what Revolver DeValle, the middle brother, can do in combat. While Revolver is known first and foremost for his blacksmithing talents, which are considered very high quality both throughout Garden and elsewhere in the Trabia and Esthar regions, he is still a member of SeeD and not to be taken lightly. Revolver being older, stronger, and more experienced than Ben, combined with Ben's still-impulsive nature, meant that the fight was one-sided almost from the start.
Chapter II: Out of Phase
Almost this entire chapter, it seems, was spent introducing new characters, which could have been spread out more in hindsight. A total of six new characters were introduced, with a seventh – Mystique – named, and I feel that it was far too much to introduce in a single chapter. Overall, the only truly important parts of this chapter were the pieces with Zeo Conrad and Mystique speaking, as well as Kisara and Will's conversation.
DWR:
Will's first appearance, as my memory serves. The odd one out of the Pillar bunch; he has both pacifistic tendencies and an intense loyalty to Freya. He was created as an offset to the evil Pillars, but even he has his own skeletons in the closet which will be discussed in due time.
Chapter III: Confrontation
This chapter showed more of what was to be the Holy Stones subplot, with one of the Holy Stones getting taken from its previous owner and another being discovered, but unclaimed. Seeker, as a note, is the person that Zeo Conrad was speaking to after Mystique left in the previous chapter, and should more properly be called the Time Alchemist, as he is and has been unique to my recollection. The chapter also introduced Albel Nox, essentially the same as he is in the game Star Ocean: Till the End of Time, as the foremost Symbology instructor at Trabia Garden. Albel is the kind to intimidate with his mere presence, let alone the power and prowess he shows in combat, and I tried to make a point of showing that here.
Chapter IV: Fated
With this chapter, the real aims of this arc began to unfold. Notably, the idea that Destine was up to no good was first seen here, in the eighteenth chapter, while her plans didn't begin unfolding for another twenty or thirty chapters. However, the real point of the chapter was the introduction of the first major villain in the form of Fayt, youngest of the Pillars of Reality. Fayt's plan was, all along, to take over Freya's position as Creator, but that shifted slightly when Freya brought Ben into the Eighth Realm. Fayt immediately, and wrongfully, assumed that Ben had been brought there to stop her, and decided to take out the perceived "chosen one." She didn't care about who or what she might have to hurt or otherwise remove from her path to do that; everything and everyone was potentially expendable or acceptable collateral damage. This also serves to prove that outer plane beings like Fayt, while powerful, as not as infallible as one might consider someone with their power.
DWR:
Destine, in the original arc, did not show up. This was entirely Fayt's show. When putting pen to paper, it was decided to make sure that Destine's own overarching master plan was hinted at, even in the smallest way during this arc. She was devious, and ridiculously fun to help Ben write, and the fact that Will saw what was happening really lent credence to the fact that he is not perfect, as he may have been able to stop her plans at that point.
Chapter V: Down to Business
This chapter was somewhat short, and served to elaborate a bit on two specific details – Alchemy, as mentioned in the previous chapter at the end, as well as Ben's background before Destiny's Call. Alchemy would get a much more in-depth explanation and demonstration in the pair of Dawn of Wisdom chapters yet to come. Ben's background here is kept short, simple, and rather matter-of-fact; these are all issues that he has more or less dealt with by this point, and he doesn't feel bad explaining them, but typically would only explain if asked about as noted in the chapter itself. Also featured here at the end is Zeo making arrangements to meet the Senior – his intentions were, originally, to try and maneuver the Senior into a deal that would be greatly profitable for himself, his business, and his family, but as can be seen in the next chapter, it turned out nothing like how he envisioned.
Chapter VI: Transactions
The opening of this chapter was set to prove one simple fact – the Senior is a shrewd businessman, but if he wants something, force is a perfectly acceptable substitute for business dealings in his book. I'm mostly pleased by this opening scene, but would love to make a few minor tweaks to some of the dialogue. Also, one thing that was not made entirely clear either here or elsewhere – Senior's vanishing act is because he is also a Planeswalker, specifically for the Ethereal Plane. I intended to have his name added to the running list of Planeswalkers in-story during a later chapter, but discovered that I left it out upon rereading it to write this commentary.
The second part of this was aimed at bringing some of the main and supporting cast together, finally – Naoki's group finally arrives at Trabia, along with Silvia Conrad, who is also a relatively important character later. Silvia is a childhood friend of Darius', and at this point has not seen him in quite some time, so she was eager to get a chance to talk to him again while he has a break from Garden and business duties.
Finally, a brief scene showed that Freya has been aware of Kisara's dealings the entire time, informing Will of that fact herself. While Freya isn't omnipotent, she does have ways of keeping track of events in the mortal plane, and Kisara's decision would certainly not have gone unnoticed by her, especially given that she has also kept track of the Holy Stones over the decades to make sure that no grave misuse comes to the artifacts. Freya's initial intention for leaving the Stones in the mortal plane, as well, could be seen as a sort of test of character for the Hume race as a whole. She is an idealist at heart and truly believes that mortal beings have the best intentions in mind most of the time, and so decided to put that idea to a practical test lasting centuries. At this point, however, she has been conversing with Will about the Holy Stones themselves and potential upcoming dangers, and has decided to bring them back to the Ethereal Plane at least for a time.
DWR:
The idea of the Senior has always fascinated me. In the basest sense, he's a businessman. This really showed what lengths he was willing to go to ensure that his "business," whatever he may decide it is, will be handled in whatever way is necessitated. Also, it's noted in A Question of Honor that the Pandora Café is owned by the DeValle family. At the time, I thought nothing of it, but this would've been something the Senior probably could've planned, if the ownership of the Café was not well known.
Chapter VII: Fortitude
The entire first half of this chapter focused on Darius; more specifically, a small piece of why his personality is the way it is. The flashback itself was, as memory serves, written by Iron Reaver; the person accompanying Darius in the flashback is Lindsey Geneave, who gets mentioned again much later in Part IV, Dissension in the Ranks. Darius used to be just a normal kid, but watching his then-girlfriend get killed in front of him changed his personality dramatically to the point where he did anything that he could to hide from his pain, and that meant getting involved with his father's less-savory business dealings, since the focus and thought required to outwit and outmaneuver those on the other side of the table kept his mind off of everything that had happened that day. This brings up a question – how did Lindsey die that day, and yet remain alive for the KP-X project to begin? I won't disclose that in this commentary, as it ties into plot points for the upcoming arc that I don't want to get into yet.
The rest of the chapter dealt with smaller points – Naoki's group, in their search for information, hits a dead end and decides to take the only possible way around it by joining Garden. There were other motives behind their decisions, mostly the educational benefits from joining and learning more about Garden, which I did not go into and wish that I had elaborated on more as well. Also dealt with in this chapter is Kisara's disobeying of Freya's orders, which leads to Kisara being confined to the Ethereal Plane until otherwise stated. Freya is not one to dole out harsh punishments to someone who was acting in an attempt to protect, such as what Kisara was attempting, and so she chose a simple punishment that would give Kisara time to consider her actions and learn from them.
DWR:
The idea that I hope we get to elaborate on in the future is how incredible the Garden Network educational system is. In Final Fantasy VIII, it's shown to be a simple mercenary academy. The idea that we have is again another nod to gietzeng, in that Garden trains no fools. The two tracks that students can follow are the purely educational track where they receive education in history, mathematics, language, arts, and whatever extra-curricular activities they wanted to flesh out their education. Those students who were interested in becoming mercenaries would have the ability to choose early on in their education, but would still receive the same education regardless.
Chapter VIII: Heart and Soul
This was mostly a filler chapter to advance the plot a bit, showing several different situations here – Will recovering one of the Holy Stones, the beginning of exams and classes at Trabia, and Destine undermining Fayt's position by a large margin. Will is, in everything he does, a pacifist by nature, and it showed here as he quickly and harmlessly removed the Virgo Holy Stone from Zeo Conrad's grasp. Will is just as capable as any of the other Pillars in terms of overall ability, but rarely displays any of his abilities in any situation, preferring to remain a bystander unless there is absolutely no other choice. He serves as a sort of third advisor to Freya, using his powers as the Pillar of the Future to see the myriad possibilities in the flow of time and avert massive calamities. Interfering directly is not something he does; instead, he tries to make events that would otherwise have disastrous outcomes shift for the better, events which are typically exceedingly rare. His interference here is not a result of his own visions, but of the order given to him by Freya to do so.
The piece at Trabia was designed to show a bit more of an average day – or start to an average day – of training to become a SeeD. Most of initial SeeD training isn't focused on things like magic, Guardian Forces, or combat, but is instead more like boot camp in normal military – lots of physical training, tactics, education, and cohesive team-building. Learning to be a disciplined soldier, just like in the real military, is the first step to becoming a SeeD officer, and is intended to weed out those who don't have the physical or mental ability to truly do so. For those who aren't up to the normal SeeD specializations, though, Trabia Garden offers other courses in subjects like economic or political studies that can have just as large an effect as being a front-line combatant in the world stage.
Destine and Fayt, as the third part clearly shows, don't get along well. They are the two "youngest" Pillars, relatively speaking, and Fayt has long felt that she is overshadowed by her two sisters and brother – an incorrect assumption, as Fayt has duties as a Pillar which are just as important as the others, but one which she holds nonetheless. That feeling is a large portion of what is driving her to take over Freya's position, in fact. She wants recognition, and feels that the only way she can get it is to be the one in charge. Destine, however, has her own motives, and at this point is tired of putting up with Fayt's attitude in order to achieve her own goals.
DWR:
Having the animosity between two Pillars who by-and-large want the same thing was a plot addition. Not everyone who wants the same thing wants it done the same way, and Destine is more subtle in her plans then Fayt, and for the most part doesn't respect the way that Fayt is handling herself through these matters. In a way, she was trying to assist by showing Fayt that she truly was powerless… though the lesson wasn't quite learned.
Chapter IX: Decisions
Most of this chapter was just setup for later events, especially the piece with Will, which would come back a full forty chapters later to show what happened to the Aries Stone that Darius managed to keep. The confrontation with Will and Darius was designed to show that Darius doesn't like letting go of things that he owns – once it's his, it takes extraordinary circumstances to get him to let it go without gaining something of equal or greater value in return. Will, however, knew this, and wasn't exactly fooled by the switch; he had already foreseen that letting Darius keep the Stone would eventually lead to Katanas holding it, which would come in handy and likely save his life much later against Hyne. Thus, he allowed Darius to keep the Stone, keeping this fact from even Freya in the process.
Destine and Fayt's part was also made to show a simple fact – both of them, while Pillars and Ethereal beings supposedly above such things, can be rather petty and childish when it comes right down to it. Neither of them, as stated before, had much love for the other at that time, and Destine enjoyed the idea of rubbing her superiority in Fayt's face. Fayt, now realizing that she has lost a significant amount of power – and being on the mortal plane would limit her even more, due to the planar restrictions on outer planar beings – decides here to follow a time-honored rule of villainy: get minions to do your work for you.
In the last piece, it mostly just shows what Angel has been doing since returning from Spira. Not having any Garden missions or instructing duties to take care of yet, he's merely been relaxing and spending time with associates and friends of his. Locke Cole will have a somewhat bigger role later, but at the moment he is more of a supporting character. Incidentally, some of the dialogue here needs to be fixed; Freya is only the Creator of the Ethereal Plane, not the creator of the Eighth Realm itself in the canon at present, and that needs to be updated to reflect it.
DWR:
Will carefully plans and often makes decisions based on what he thinks is the best outcome.
Chapter X: The Dawn of Wisdom, Part I
This chapter was the first multi-part chapter that was written, and the only one so far to not be an arc finale. The reason for that is because I wanted to spend a good amount of time setting up the ideas and principles behind Alchemy, something which will be seen again and again throughout the story, as many of the main characters are alchemists in some form. The basic ideas of Alchemy in Dimensional Legend are the same as they appear in the anime Fullmetal Alchemist, for any familiar with the series. Alchemy is a very precise art; one must have an exacting idea of what they want to achieve with most Alchemy techniques to have it accomplish the intended effect. Katanas' class here is designed to expand a bit upon the three basic principles of Alchemy – Analysis, Destruction, and Creation – as well as the principle of equivalent exchange, which is actually mentioned in the next chapter, not to mention showcase a bit of Katanas' own teaching style. As one of the main Alchemy instructors for the Garden, being among the most experienced with the art, he teaches any and all of the upper-level courses that he has time for, leaving the others to senior instructors.
Chapter XI: The Dawn of Wisdom, Part II
The rest of the Alchemy lecture was displayed here, explaining about equivalent exchange in particular and the ability to substitute mana for materials in transmutations. In the source material, materials are the only thing usable in transmutations, but here we have a source of malleable magical energy to use, and it seemed only fitting to allow that to be used in its place. Fayt's intentions from two chapters prior were also made clear here, as she began to use fiends in place of her own abilities while she attempted to regain strength. Not being one to leave well enough alone, normal fiends are not good enough for someone like Fayt – combining aspects of fiends suits her fancy more than simple numbers or power. Her second intention here was to attempt to attack Ben psychologically by mentally manipulating Rikku; this shows up later as Rikku breaks up their relationship without warning, albeit under duress. That is something that should have been made a little clearer, but I felt that the way things transpired later should have given readers the hint that the breakup wasn't exactly normal after the events here.
Chapter XII: Interdiction
This chapter saw the reintroduction of Mystique, the water-controlling thief from the early chapters of this arc. Her meeting with Katanas would showcase two primary points – first, that she is the head of the organization known as the Royal Thieves Guild, a group based in Esthar specializing in black market trading and high-value thievery, and secondly, that Katanas often relies on any and every potential ally in order to get information and get things done. Katanas came to know Mystique around the time that she joined the Guild, and kept ties with her even as she worked in the criminal underworld in Esthar and elsewhere. There was also a fleeting mention of Vector Industries, a name that would come back in Destine's arc some time later.
Tying in to the previous, it also showcased a bit about the Royal Thieves Guild themselves, with their main base of operations being under the Hokkaido Museum of Modern Art in Esthar proper. Much like SeeD, the Guild sometimes contracts their members out to others in order to gain profits and connections, and such is the reason why they were working with Zeo Conrad to go after the Holy Stones. Freya's removal of the Stones, however, shot holes in their contract, forcing Mystique to renege on the deal. Mystique, ever the thief, decides to reimburse only part of the fee as well, as she knows that even Zeo Conrad would never go after a group like hers, especially when four of the ranking members are all high-level and well-known Alchemists.
Darius' study at the end of the chapter also illustrates another point about his character. While he is a Planeswalker, he does not care as much about the affairs or even existence of the other planes, as he prefers to attend to business affairs and use his Planeswalker status to help with that. He knows of the Pillars' existence, but only in passing, and gained most of the knowledge he has at the present time from Katanas as a result of Fayt and Destine's actions in their respective arcs.
Chapter XIII: State of Affairs
The opening of this chapter was something that never happened in the original story's creation, but which was only logical and warranted given the circumstances – a formal debriefing. Something such as the events which happened outside of Garden would warrant further investigation, and the events therein would almost certainly need to be classified given the true meaning behind them. I'm pleased with the way it was written, but would like to add a bit more dialogue to it for description's sake. One thing that this introduces that gets more explanation later, as memory serves, is the idea of a more expanded central command for Trabia Garden, that being the Republic of the Sphere. Albel serves as, effectively, Katanas' second-in-command with regards to military matters, and the Paladins of the Sphere – Ellie, Camdus, Onimaru, and Anita – serve as high-level advisors and commanders of their own branches of Trabia's less-specialized military, such as the general infantry and aerial forces.
The scene with Rikku in the classroom was meant to interject a little much-needed humor, as well as to show that something wasn't quite right after her little run-in with Fayt, despite all appearances. I wish that I had done more scenes like it to make the point a little clearer instead of letting it hang throughout the following chapters, however.
Chapter XIV: Forward unto Dawn
This was a very simple chapter, focusing mainly on Andréa and Ben as they fought off another of Fayt's creations. Of note is that Andréa's style has shifted dramatically since the opening of the story, as she has picked up the basics of an entirely new fighting style based around summoning magic known as Ritualist arts. As background for the story, the three of us desired to have a way to somehow compare characters numerically and in other aspects to determine relative power between characters, especially between different races, and so we began creating an entire class and level system to use as background information while writing. Some of it was taken from the Final Fantasy series, such as Black Mage or White Mage, while some were created out of nothing as completely original ideas. Ritualist arts are, as stated above, primarily designed around summoning spirits that perform various functions, ranging from simple attacking to defending the user or other spirits, as well as a few Lightning-elemental spells that can restore health or mana to the user or their spirits. It leans a bit more towards magical combat, but can stand decently in melee. By comparison, Ben's Blade Knight class is one that focuses on sword techniques and throwing knives, as well as a small amount of enhancing magic and Lightning and Wind-elemental spells. It is almost completely melee-focused, but is fairly weak defensively, and relies on staying offensive at all times.
The ending portion shows Will finally confronting Fayt about her actions, and trying to play the voice of reason in a more direct way. He knows that Fayt's plans can only end in failure, and is willing to warn her and give her a chance to give up while she still has time. Fayt, however, is both easily frustrated and stubborn, and thinks that Will is just underestimating her like everyone else.
Chapter XV: Divine Intervention
Somewhere around this chapter and the next few leading up to the finale of this arc is where I really feel like I settled into a good style and became truly comfortable writing this story. With this chapter comes the first true mention of Planeswalkers and their background, as well as the idea that the Ancient beings presiding over the planes and realms may be playing a far larger game than originally realized. The opening part showcases one issue in particular – namely, that Freya has a rather low level of popularity and respect at the present time, mostly due to past decisions but also in part by her continual unwillingness to act and show a firm hand. At the present time, the Ethereal Plane has been through a major war known as the Harrowing, described in a later chapter in a bit more detail by Etchel Beoulve, and Freya made decisions during and after the Harrowing that she still regrets. Exiling the Gilead Order's leader was foremost among those, both because of the apparent necessity and her respect for Nicholai, as well as the fact that it solved almost nothing in the long run, instead creating more problems that led to the Gilead Order being disbanded and Destine eventually revolting against her. The plane itself is still going through turmoil, and the only reason more of that isn't evident is because of Odin's attempts to calm people and keep the peace at present.
The next section introduces a character used with permission from Peptuck's story Ronin; while not canon to our storyline, the concept is very interesting, and Daniel Wesley Rydell decided to ask whether we could feature Shiro Matsuda in our own story. Shiro is, in both stories, a very shrewd businessman as leader of the Green Dragons, and in our canon is able to outmaneuver even the Senior consistently. Senior has spread himself and his assets a bit thin over time, and an ongoing rivalry with Galbadia's Deling family hasn't helped the matter, leaving him with great difficulty in keeping pace with someone like Shiro. Darius Jr., however, has taken it upon himself as a sort of personal challenge to play Shiro's game, and as can be seen here, is not averse to walking straight into the figurative lion's den to get things done. Asking Shiro to hire Seifer for a delivery is simply good logic on Darius' part; he knows who Seifer was due to his links with Garden, and who Seifer is due to his links to the underworld. If anyone is up for running a delivery around Esthar – a place with multiple crime families and organizations like the Royal Thieves Guild – then Seifer Almasy is that man. Not only is Seifer's reputation itself a "keep away" sign for most would-be thieves, but his new reputation as second-in-command of the largest crime family in Esthar serves to keep away just about anyone else.
Fayt, here, has also finally gotten over her temper tantrum of sorts, and has decided that she needs to take a step back and regroup. Using the Ethereal Plane to restore their energy is more difficult than doing so in Soul Society, which is designed at least partially for that reason, but is certainly doable for most Ethereal beings.
Freya, also, has finally decided to get down to business and put a stop to Fayt's meddling. Notice, if you will, that Freya told Kisara to protect just "Planeswalkers of Gaia's twenty-first order." This means not just Ethereal Planeswalkers, but all Planeswalkers. Freya is taking a precaution here with the idea that Fayt may attack another plane's charge and start more trouble than needed – she wants to keep any issues confined to the Ethereal Plane's denizens if possible.
DWR:
I was very pleased when we were able to tribute Peptuck in this manner. Shiro Matsuda was a well fleshed-out character, and using him, even in the small way that we did is fantastic. While he's not a main character in this story, I think it's safe to say that his later appearance isn't the last time we see him.
Chapter XVI: Risky Business
Most of this chapter was devoted to showing off one particular character, and it was great fun to write all the way through. Seifer Almasy, as mentioned above, is Shiro Matsuda's second-in-command, an ex-SeeD and Sorceress Knight, and overall one of the most badass people in the entire world, only really outclassed by Squall and his comrades. The four lead members of the Royal Thieves Guild are certainly skilled Alchemists and overall good fighters, but compared to Seifer Almasy…well, to be blunt, they're like children.
One of the things I've striven for is to keep a firm balance between the characters in the already-established canon(s) for Final Fantasy VIII and Final Fantasy X, and the new characters added into this story. While a lot of the new characters are powerful, when it gets down to it, the canon characters still have more overall ability than any of them. Some of the new characters might be better in some aspects than the canon characters, which simply comes down to flaws of each and every character, but you won't suddenly see things like Darius or Ben taking down Squall in a fight. The canon characters are, and will remain, ahead of the original characters 99% of the time.
Seifer, despite not being SeeD, still holds true to one of their core tenets – they always get the job done, and Seifer is no exception. While he seems to love antagonizing Squall and the others, as well as more or less anyone who crosses his path and says something even slightly out of line, he doesn't have any such quarrel with Angel – his thoughts here are more along the line of "get in, deliver the package, be done with it."
DWR:
Seifer is, and will remain one of my favorite characters. The decision to include him was an easy one because of his combat ability and tenacity as displayed in Ronin. He impressed some of the other characters in this chapter. While his part here is minor, his role later in the story is fairly substantial, as he impressed some people in this chapter.
Chapter XVII: Heavenly Gambit, Part I
This chapter was the first of what was intended to be a two-part finale, but wound up being three parts instead; the writing kind of got away from me when I started putting fingers to keyboard, but it didn't wind up being a bad thing in my book. A lot of this chapter's opening and middle was dedicated to just showing conversation, between Angel and his class as well as Angel and Ben later. It also gives a tidbit or two about Angel in the midst – namely, that he is two hundred and thirty seven years old, thanks to being a Vayash Moru, as well as his status as a former Balamb SeeD and current adjunct instructor for Trabia. Like Angel stated, he did roughly average in the test to become an Instructor, and only really did it because of the situation with Trabia's rebuilding.
After that, everything starts to fall apart as Fayt decides to finally show her face, effortlessly overpowering both Angel and Ben before Katanas shows up to assist. A note here, as well: some outer plane beings, those being Malakh, Daiesthai, Erudite, and Ancients, are normally limited in the amount of power they are able to exert while on the mortal plane, to prevent undue influence on the magical forces at work in the world. Malakh and Daiesthai are functionally limited to about forty percent of their strength, with Erudite limited to twenty-five percent at most and sometimes more for beings such as the Pillars, and Ancients forced to restrain nearly the entirety of their power in order to remain on the mortal plane. The other three races, Hume, Vayash Moru, and Quincy, are not limited at all, as the former two are still effectively mortal in terms of strength and Quincy rarely, if ever leave Soul Society unless they are being reborn.
Katanas also shows here that he has possession of the Aries Stone, taunting Fayt with the fact; in reality, Fayt still has little to worry about from Katanas, with or without the Zodiac Stone, but it would have improved their chances somewhat as long as they remained on the mortal plane.
DWR:
Don't remember if it was stated earlier, but Angel's car is customized by a number of people inside and outside the Garden Network, and is referenced some in A Question of Honor. He originally also had a motorcycle… but I think we did away with that. The Angelmobile used to have an AI… but we really won't talk about that. Assume it was bad, and we'll leave it at that.
Chapter XVIII: Heavenly Gambit, Part II
This chapter continued the fight that last chapter started, albeit with the addition of Kisara soon after as she realizes what is happening. Informing Freya was a necessary diversion, and Kisara knew that Katanas would be able to help hold Fayt off until she could arrive. In reality, even with all four of them, if would still not be enough to beat Fayt in a straight fight, at least in terms of power. Fayt prefers to play with status magic and debilitating effects, choosing to cripple her enemies to make them easy to push over rather than trying to beat them with a contest of force, and it shows with the variety of magic she uses. Poisoning, paralyzing, and slowing are three of her favorite ways to mess with foes, and redirecting attacks back to the attacker is also something that she enjoys. The fight also shows off a tiny bit of what Kisara can do in terms of offense, preferring Holy-element magic and spells that also often have side effects associated with them, as well as Ben trying out some of his basic Alchemy talent. Kisara, also, had no idea of what really went on behind closed doors during the Harrowing, which is what Fayt refers to here. Freya had all but decided to pass the mantle of Creator on to one of her advisors before they talked her down following the war, feeling unfit to lead after an event that she felt she was responsible for starting.
Fayt's departure was meant to be sudden and swift, much like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. The one she was sensing was Destine, in fact, and her reason for leaving was that she was somewhat afraid that Destine had come to kill her or otherwise remove her from her own plans, feeling that she had outlived her usefulness.
The ending of the chapter shows a pivotal moment for Ben – he finally gets to see Freya, whom the fayth had been mentioning, in person, as well as the Ethereal Plane that has chosen him to be a Planeswalker. Along with that, he finally gets to learn part of just what his chosen status entails, as well as that Angel also shares that status. In meeting Freya, he has some preconceived notions about her given that her status is more or less what he would consider a goddess; he is initially of the idea that she must see and know everything, falling into the assumption that she is all-powerful when that is not the case. It serves here to give him a bit more courage than he would have otherwise had in such a situation. Eventually, of course, he learns the error of that assumption, especially when he begins to learn about the Ethereal Plane's history.
DWR:
It's not really shown, and I hope we get a chance to show it in the future, but Angel respects no one more than he respects Freya. As mentioned in the next chapter, he also feels uncomfortable in the Ethereal Plane. Thusly, does he feel that it's almost disrespecting her to be an unnatural being in a "perfect" plane? Quite possibly, at the very least, it's something to think about.
Chapter XIX: Heavenly Gambit, Part III
Finally, we come to the end of Part II, with Fayt's plans drawing to an abrupt end here. At the start, Ben is mostly trying to keep his mind off of the idea of fighting Fayt at her full power, even with help, which doesn't work thanks to Odin's words. This, in turn, brings up another fact about Angel related to his Planeswalker status. While Angel has been a Planeswalker of the Ethereal Plane for many years, he feels innately uncomfortable whenever he is there because of his nature as a Vayash Moru. For Angel, being in a place that feels "holy" to him, like the Ethereal Plane, makes him feel as if he is degrading it with his very presence simply because he believes it to be unnatural. This is the reason why he spends very little time in the Ethereal Plane despite being Freya's chosen, feeling more comfortable on the mortal plane or in the other two outer planes.
The fight with Fayt itself showcased a bit of Odin and Xeios' ability – Odin is the foremost physical combatant within the plane itself, and doesn't need fancy techniques or powerful magic to win, just his extraordinary skill and strength. Xeios, however, complements Odin by lending him magical aid both offensively and defensively, serving as the shield to his sword in a way. It also showcased Angel's Guardian Force, a dragon named Crusader, from which the inspiration comes from – if my memory is correct – Final Fantasy VI. A few summons will be featured in the story which are not from Final Fantasy VIII, for those who are familiar with the game and which summons appear.
Destine's appearance, however, is what truly serves to put the final nail in the coffin for Fayt and her plans. Already weakened somewhat from fighting two Planeswalkers and both of Freya's advisors, Destine's unrestricted power just tips the balance completely against Fayt and serves to end the fight for good. Freya taking away Fayt's powers also has a bigger effect on Fayt than might be immediately realized; Fayt feels very strongly about her powers because they make her feel as if she has true importance, and to her, it comes across as Freya feeling as if she can't be trusted with any kind of important task, only further strengthening her feelings of being the least favorite of Freya's "children." Freya also gives Ben a short, but simple and direct lesson about letting his fear get the better of him. Fear isn't a bad emotion for a Planeswalker to have, but one has to keep it in moderation to keep it from staying their feet in everything they do, which is something that a Planeswalker can't afford in their line of work.
Overall, as far as this entire arc goes, I was more pleased than I was with the opening, as I finally started to settle into a style of writing that worked for me. Along with that, I managed to iron out a lot of kinks with the story that I found upon rereading the logs from our chats that led up to the creation of this story, and I only hope that it was an enjoyable thing to read all the way through for anyone who read it.
DWR:
Destine's quote section in here is by far one of my favorites… and leads into her arc quite nicely, if I do say so myself.
Part III: Element of Treachery
Chapter I: Opposing Viewpoints
This chapter started the next part of Book I, and it was designed to be a short filler arc before the main plot of the story was resumed. The entire driving force behind the arc was designed to be the Trabia Garden field exam, and things took a bit of turn here from the otherworldly action of the Ethereal Plane and issues with Planeswalkers to distinctly mortal matters with an attempted takeover of Galbadian government. Caraway, Rinoa Heartilly's father from Final Fantasy VIII, has been made a full General and the Chief of Staff in Galbadia, as well as given a first name which is taken from another of Peptuck's stories, The Gunblade Saga, his novelization of the game itself. Duran was my own creation, and was designed to be someone who came across as patriotic above and beyond reason, willing to do anything to right what they saw as "wrong" with their country. This chapter also shows that Vinzer Deling's son has taken up the presidency of Galbadia following his father's death at the hands of Sorceress Edea in game events. Calling Trabia Garden forces in to deal with the issue as opposed to Balamb Garden was a bit of a stretch, logic-wise, but was a necessity for sake of the plot; Galbadia Garden wasn't considered simply due to the fact that the issue was in Galbadia proper, and there was no guarantee that Galbadia Garden forces wouldn't side with Duran.
Chapter II: Zero Hour
This chapter actually started the field exam proper, with the briefing of those participating and the actual departure, as well as more events in Galbadia itself. When I was writing these few chapters, I had wondered early on how I could possibly justify Trabia Garden turning such an important mission into an exam for inexperienced cadets. When I looked back at the game, however, I realized that the Balamb field exam consisted of dropping similar cadets off on a beach that was held by hostile forces, and then of sweeping a few city blocks clear of hostiles before holding a courtyard and awaiting further instructions…which made me realize that SeeD seems to do this sort of thing often, and made me worry a lot less about the plausibility and reasoning of a field exam in this kind of situation. One thing I would like to change is to have more people taking the field exam; only fifteen people participating seems extremely small for a Garden of a couple thousand, even if most of those are either already SeeD or out on a mission, though we only saw a similar-sized crowd for the field exam in Final Fantasy VIII at Balamb Garden.
The part with Duran actually executing a hostage was a bit gut-wrenching to write, but I didn't want to shy away from it – this is a man who is committed to his choice of action, and does not intend to play around. Not everything always goes according to plan, and they knew going in that SeeD wouldn't be arriving in time to beat the time limit they were given.
The scenes on the dropship were designed to show everyone's thoughts on the mission, and also to show that not everyone is getting along perfectly, though most of the teams are fine with the group compositions. Paine and Sumiko are just slightly at odds, though mostly focused on Sumiko being unused to Paine's personality rather than any real dislike, while Uriko is outright angry at the idea of being given orders by not only someone as young and – in her eyes – inexperienced as Yuki. The fact that they are cousins as well (Uriko's mother and Yuki's mother being sisters) just makes it worse for Uriko.
Chapter III: Impact
I don't have as much to say about this chapter, as there was comparatively little happening here – just the actual entering of the Palace, and a bit more character interaction. Interestingly enough to me, the parts with Yuki's group were the most fun to write, mostly because of the dynamic between the three of them – Yuki is hesitant, nervous, and usually rather shy, while Uriko has a bad temper, a bit of an ego, and is even more irritated that she's being bossed around by Yuki. Shuyin, meanwhile, is nothing more than caught in the middle of this one-sided animosity, and would like nothing more than for Uriko to shut up and get the job done.
Paine's team and their sections, also, were rather fun to write. Paine always came across to me as someone who would be an effective leader, and I wrote her character as such here. She doesn't hesitate; she simply comes up with a course of action and follows through. Unluckily for the Galbadians, Paine favors a very direct approach to things.
Chapter IV: Gaining Ground
This chapter, in comparison to the last, held a lot of the action of the field exam, as the teams finally all make it inside and start sweeping the Palace itself clear. One thing that the section with Silvia's team shows is that while Rikku is fairly comfortable with the principles of SeeD training, Tidus is a lot less so. Some quick thinking salvages the situation, but things could've gone very bad thanks to Tidus jumping the gun on entry.
The other large section focuses again on Yuki's team, and shows that while Yuki is young, she does have a good head on her shoulders and can act effectively if put into the role. Yuki is rather intelligent, and capable of putting together plans on the fly to get things done, in addition to being very talented with magic. Uriko's temper comes into play here again as she decides to use a Guardian Force to take care of a single pair of guards; part of this is her taking out her anger at Yuki on the soldiers, and her methods here are commented on by Shuyin.
Chapter V: Justice
This chapter wrapped up the field exam itself, and took the time to focus on nearly all of the squads again – Silvia's squad, somehow, got left out of the chapter's segments. Most of the chapter was spent actually withdrawing the cadet forces, with the situation in-hand enough for the main SeeD force to go in and clean up, the cadets having been analyzed enough in a field setting by command officials. Writing Andréa practically exploding at Uriko for her carelessness was one of my favorite pieces to write up to this point in the story; Iron Reaver, however, wrote her actual dialogue for that part. A fairly major introduction was the displaying of the "Deltas," or Delta Squad, Trabia Garden's special operations team. The characters actually come from Star Wars: Republic Commando, and were exclusively played by Iron Reaver during our roleplay; they'll be seen quite a bit more as the story progresses for various reasons.
DWR:
This goes back to referencing First Team at Balamb Garden. Each of the three Gardens has a number of special operations squads; the squad in particular used here was the Delta Squad. At Galbadia, they are referred to as the Night Riders. As of this point, Galbadia is the only one that has the whole SpecOps program under one name, unlike its two sister Gardens.
Chapter VI: Future Preparations
Here, we had the entirety of Trabian command officials reviewing and discussing the cadets' performance in the field exam. Notably, only two of fifteen failed, those being Tidus and Uriko. It was very interesting writing about how all of the higher-ups interacted with each other in this environment, as well as their thoughts on each of the cadets in general, and I tried to break things down nicely to show just why they were making the decisions they were. Every line from Onimaru was a lot of fun to write, especially his comments about Yuki and the Senior's subsequent silencing of his objections. Normally, Garden wouldn't allow someone as young as Yuki to take the field exam, but Katanas pitched the idea to his father to see if he would make an exception, given her talent.
The other piece here shows Destine putting another real step towards her plans by beginning to gain followers. Unfortunately for her, she would later be almost barred from gaining any real help, given how much Will knew about her plans, but her intent was sound. It introduced the idea that while the Ethereal Plane is more peaceful than the Nether Plane, it has had its share of trouble, and criminals do exist there as well. As such, a prison only makes sense; unlike traditional prisons, Freya has an advantage here in that she can make one almost guaranteed to be inescapable by the inhabitants. Manes would be the first real introduction that we get to a Nether Plane being, and is most certainly not the last that we'll be seeing.
DWR:
This was a new addition when this section was written. Destine originally had a Guardian Force assisting her, who fought Ben, Tetsuya… and Revolver, if my memory is serving me correctly. I'm glad we went this way instead.
Chapter VII: Graduation
The first part of this chapter introduced one big element that is vitally important to Planeswalkers, that being the idea of the Crystal Path. Essentially, the Path is a dimension completely separate from any Realm, acting as sort of a bridge between different points in space and time, be that within a single plane, two planes, two realms, or any two points that they have the ability to reach. Katanas, here, is planning for events much later in the future, leaving Ein as the SeeD Commander – with his father's approval – while he meets with some associates of his.
Also, while there isn't much to say about it – Andréa gets a promotion. She's been with SeeD a total of nine years now, and a promotion to Major is long overdue for someone like her.
One thing that the next part has to have fixed is that Tetsuya doesn't know Andréa; in reality, they are rather close to each other, and I can't even remember now why I ever thought that wasn't the case. Also, it shows that Tetsuya is romantically involved with someone, who we'll meet a little later.
Destine, also, continues to start her own brand of trouble, this time on the mortal plane. Destine's aim here was to make things happen on the mortal plane – she wasn't particularly interested in the events themselves, just that there was turmoil. With any luck, she figured, it would keep the Planeswalkers – who she knew were mostly SeeD members – occupied with mortal affairs until it was too late to do anything about her plans for the Ethereal Plane.
DWR:
Another appearance by Shiro, and Destine meddling? Delicious.
Chapter VIII: Pawns Before Kings
The most important part of this chapter was the introduction of another of the outer planes, this time being the Nether Plane. The Nether Plane is home to beings known as Daiesthai, more commonly referred to by mortals as "demons" both for their general appearances and their actions. There are quite a few Bleach references to be had with this place as well, the foremost of which being the planar leader, Aizen Sosuke. Aizen is thoughtful, manipulative, and always looking for a way to gain something out of a deal, but also has a large amount of curiosity when it comes to seeing what others are thinking – most pronounced with the person in question is an Author.
Authors are the term given, as explained in the chapter, to beings who create worlds. There are ten total Authors, one for each Realm within the multiverse; Wilhelm, who is shown here, is the Author of the Tenth Realm. The only other Author featured in this story is that of the Eighth Realm, shown much later, unless events change in such a way as to allow me to showcase others.
Also in this chapter, we discover who Tetsuya was talking to last chapter. Hikari Tanaka is the head of security for Vector Industries, a relatively new company within the city of Esthar that has grown to fantastic heights within just a few short years.
Destine, again, is continuing to cause trouble, this time in Galbadia. Galbadia City has been embattled in a sort of "turf war" between the DeValle family and the Deling family for a while now, with each trying to gain a greater share of the city's holdings and underground dealings. Mostly, things remain even; Destine's aims here are to shift that balance into the hands of the Deling family, forcing the DeValle family to turn their attention to their business in Galbadia.
DWR:
The turf war mentioned here is the basis of Family Rites; a story that I wrote in a Yahoo chat once, which somehow made its way onto ff net after I rewrote it.
Chapter IX: Fireproof
Opening with the Presidential Palace of Esthar being torched? A pretty fun way to open a chapter, in my opinion. One thing I would like to mention here that was not touched upon in-story is about the Presidential Guard – despite the name, they are more like Esthar's special forces, with their primary function being to protect the palace, the president and his family, top ranking officers, and other important figures within the palace itself. Their secondary function is to go on high-profile and high-priority missions that the regular Estharian military isn't equipped to do.
The other important portion here is the DeValle family's response to events in Galbadia. Deling had DeValle family holdings burned during the night using the information that Destine gave him, and the Senior is quick to order a response here. Albel Nox having a twin brother was actually something that didn't come about until much later in our roleplay, and only really affected one or two events in the story proper; he had a more direct influence in Daniel Wesley Rydell's story Family Rites, mentioned at the end of the chapter. Notably, the Senior isn't afraid to outright assassinate the leader of Galbadia – he's that assured that he'll be able to get away with it, or at least pin it completely on Jarok in the worst case. The Senior also isn't averse to throwing away pawns to keep himself clean.
DWR:
I think it's important to note what Jarok's role in this is. The one thing that the Senior of each family can agree on is that they want business to succeed, and they don't want their turf war to directly affect (their own) business. To that end, Jarok Nox became a supposed liaison between the two families. This in turn was a ruse by the Senior to get eyes in the Deling family, and it worked.
Chapter X: Flash of Blades
The main focus of this chapter was the return of the Royal Thieves' Guild, again living up to their name and looking for things to pilfer. This time, however, they were doing so under orders of Destine, and unluckily happened to have a SeeD team in the area that was investigating the recent fires. The fight was pretty straightforward, though it could stand to have had a bit more done with each fight, or either have it done as one big fight; either way would have likely wound up better than the split-focus way I wrote it here, though my main reason for doing so was to be able to write the whole fight in third-person as opposed to first-person view. Also, the Guard didn't show up until after the fight was over, as the fight was too short for anyone to actually get there to assist.
DWR:
Destine, during this, often relied on many other sources. In the original, she was more reliant on herself. Another change I really appreciate.
Chapter XI: Machinations
A lot of new things were introduced in this chapter – two new characters, both Planeswalkers of the Nether Plane, and the third outer plane of the Eighth Realm, Soul Society, were introduced here. Dmitri Yuriev holds the dubious "honor" of being the most-hated character of the entire roleplay, for reasons that will be made a bit clearer in a later arc. Rubedo Alaberti is a character that wasn't conceived until late in the roleplay, and it was decided that he be worked into some earlier events as we went back and took a look at the first draft of our finished project.
Soul Society finally gets a description here as well, and it serves as a middle ground as far as the outer planes are concerned. Effectively, it is a sort of neutral ground, and Ethereal and Nether beings alike can visit the plane – so long as they don't cause any trouble – to rest and recover their energy, as the plane is full of magical energy that aids outer plane beings in rejuvenating themselves. It is also, as stated in the story, the afterlife for the entire plane, up to and including Ancient-level beings. Soul Society has also changed hands many more times than either of the two outer planes, with twenty-seven previous leaders before Byakuya Kuchiki rose to the position; by contrast, the Ethereal and Nether Planes have ever only had one leader up to this point in the story.
Darius makes mention here of a point stated earlier by me in this commentary, that being that he does not visit the plane of his benefactor often unless he has a reason that benefits him in some way. His desire to meet one of the former members of the Gilead Order intrigues the Lord Sovereign just enough to decide to arrange a meeting.
Another piece of Destine's puzzle falls into place here, and it shows that she didn't just pick Manes randomly; she had a plan for him from the beginning. Against just about anyone else, Manes would have simply taken the artifacts he was given and ran, but even he knows better than to cross the Pillar of Destiny. Rubedo also gets to show off his fighting prowess against the Daiesthai here, and both of them have wildly differing methods of fighting. Manes is called a Balancer, an original class designed around hexing the enemy and causing them to damage themselves whenever they act in various ways. The class can quickly cripple an opponent that doesn't pay attention to what they're afflicted with versus what actions they take, but has no directly-damaging skills which don't rely on an opponent's action beyond gradual life-draining effects. Rubedo, by contrast, is an Adept Rogue, which is a special kind of class in our system known as a Transcendence Class, attainable only by Hume, Vayash Moru, and Quincy and offering higher levels of power than other classes. It focuses on the use of elemental forms that each specialize in different parts of combat such as offense and healing; Rubedo doesn't use any real skills from this class in this fight, sticking mostly to hand-to-hand combat and one personal skill not related to the class itself.
Chapter XII: Fracture
Part of this chapter shows that one of Katanas' greatest assets is also one of his biggest weaknesses – namely, his curiosity and insatiable thirst for knowledge. Rubedo telling him all about what happened with Destine should have never let him agree to send anyone out, let alone two people as what he actually did, but he let his desire to gain a better understanding of Destine's plans put others in harm's way. Katanas already realized that it was a trap, and was hoping that sending Angel and Ben together would alleviate some of the risk, given that he highly doubted Destine would dare to be brazen enough to attack either one of the two Planeswalkers. What he didn't count on was for Destine to bring Manes along for him to do the dirty work, and consequently for Manes to be able to outfight both of them at once. At this point, Manes is so far above Ben as to be practically untouchable, and would be a tough fight for Angel as well; taking Ben out first was the only logical course of action for Manes, and he honestly believed that he had killed him outright with the one strike, which was the only thing that kept him from following up the attack.
Chapter XIII: Recovery
One of the big things I tried to do with the opening of this chapter was avert something extremely common in the Final Fantasy games, and most other RPGs by extension: curative magic can't heal everything. Unless the caster is someone extremely powerful, such as an outer plane entity like an Erudite or Ancient, curative magic can heal a lot of things, but can't always heal completely. Things like cuts from blades or even gunshot wounds can be healed by a skilled mage and the right amount of power used, but an injury like the one Ben got wasn't something to leave solely to magic, if only to be on the safe side. It also gives a brief interruption to show that, yes, the Senior did get what he was after. Whether he'll get away with it or not remains to be seen.
Angel decides at this point to go look up an old contact of his, and turns to the daughter of a wealthy family in Dollet, Maya D'Angelo, for assistance. Maya is, as stated, the head of the powerful organization known as Scientia, which serves as a secretive worldwide information brokering organization. They operate almost exclusively in the shadows, with enough contacts and proxies that no one seems to truly know who is pulling the strings save a select few.
DWR:
Maya is the only surviving member of the D'Angelo family, as her parents were killed in Dollet raid by Galbadia during which the SeeD exam took place. Hers and Angel's story will have some elaboration in future chapters.
Chapter XIV: Dancing Madly, Part I
The first chapter of the two-part finale to Destine's arc, this chapter showed Angel's continuing investigation, this time leading him to Galbadia and to Rubedo's, one of the last places the president of Galbadia was seen. He had suspicions that Destine was involved with his death, and meant to see how much he could find out on his own; unfortunately for him, most people weren't willing to talk. Destine had nothing to do with the death, however, only the distinction of meeting with him soon before his death. It also shows one more facet of Destine's personality – she lies here about doing everything she's been doing for the greater good, and Angel goes along with it. Normally, Angel wouldn't have gone along with something like this so easily, but Destine pushed one key button – Angel, as a Planeswalker, would be responsible for helping her if a threat to the Creator did arise, and he felt here that if it turned out she were telling the truth, that he would hold himself fully accountable for not making an attempt to find out what was going on and assist her. It wound up costing him dearly here, as well.
The scene in Katanas' office was a lot of fun to write, especially the very last line in the chapter. Will, the normally-pacifistic and non-intrusive Pillar, agreeing to explicitly help says volumes about how bad he feels the situation to be, and as seen in the next chapter, how responsible he feels at least in part for it.
DWR:
Woo. Okay, let's talk Angel for a moment. This was a rough scene to come up with, but we needed a reason for Angel to not only be out of the upcoming fight, but for a firm strike to be dealt that would force the other "heroes" into action. For Angel to get beaten as badly as he did was not only a humiliation to him that would take him some time to get over, but also a clear statement to Freya. "Your Planeswalker is weak; you should've chosen better."
Angel getting left beaten and bloody on Katanas' carpet officially marks the first time when he was well and truly beaten in any type of combat. Yes, Manes chased him away, but he didn't lose that round because he was too smart to stay in it. This whole thing showed that he too, beyond being a respected member of Garden as well as a respected Planeswalker, is fallible.
Chapter XV: Dancing Madly, Part II
The opening of this chapter showed that Will feels a little more responsible for things than he might let on. In truth, Will feels responsible for Destine being the way she is now following the Harrowing, and that he could have done more in the past to help her and keep things from turning out the way they have. Also, Ben is honest here about his reasons for doing this – he does want revenge on her, now more than ever considering what she did to Angel, but he also knows that he shouldn't be the one passing sentence on her, as that job belongs to Freya.
The actual fight in the Ethereal Plane itself was split evenly between Ben fighting Destine and Rubedo fighting Manes for the second time. The opening interaction between the former two brings up the fact that even after everything that's happened to him, Ben really doesn't know who he considers himself to be. Exploits in Spira gave him an honorary High Summoner title, while Freya gave him the title of Planeswalker and he has since become a SeeD…but in the absence of all those titles and accomplishments, he doesn't know how he views himself. The question was one that he was honestly thankful that Destine asked, as he may never have considered it otherwise. And, being both a fan of games and TV as well as rather genre savvy, it was only natural to him to come up with a pre-fight one liner, complete with nickname or title. All the best heroes have one, after all.
With Rubedo, Manes makes a classic and vital mistake – underestimating his opponent. He starts to have a little bit of a breakdown here before he composes himself; he has a superiority complex about Daiesthai being better than any Hume or lesser race has a right to be, which has been eating away at him ever since his first 'loss' to Rubedo. Manes is also an Arrancar, which is a Daiesthai that has been altered to give them enhanced power and new abilities, such as the ability to seal away part of their power into the form of a weapon. Releasing it gives them something of their old form and abilities back, such as it does for Manes here. His Resurreccion is based on a praying mantis, and the name translates from Spanish as "Bitter Spawn," alluding to the idea of him being able to create similar creatures to fight for him. Unfortunately for him, Rubedo is no ordinary Hume, and regularly spars with some of the Espada, those being the ten most powerful such Arrancar within the plane who report directly to the Overlord.
Near the end of the fight here, Ben also tries to use a classic cliché – taunt the villain into making a mistake. It works to some degree, but he simply gets lucky enough to get Destine in a position to end the fight; Freya showing up just served to make sure that Destine wouldn't be able to do anything further. He fought hard here mostly because he felt that he had something to prove and make up for after being so passive and afraid during the confrontation with Fayt.
As a whole, this entire arc was much easier for me to write than the first, now that I felt that I had found my style of writing and finally settled into a type of planning and writing that worked for me. The events could've been altered just a touch, but I felt as if I wrote them well for their intended purpose, with far less in this arc that I want to change as opposed to the previous arcs.
DWR:
Destine is a magical powerhouse. That is all.
Interlude I: Winds of Change
This was the longest chapter to date, partly because of the amount of scenes in it and partly because of what those scenes entailed. I went through a lot of different characters here, showing bits and pieces of what they were doing following all the events with Destine.
Ben has decided to throw himself back into his training with a vengeance; being effectively one-shotted by Manes, Daiesthai or not, embarrassed him to a great degree and has given him an almost single-minded desire to get better and stronger – partially in order to get a shot at revenge somewhere down the line. It also shows here that he has started learning an elemental specialty in Alchemy, focusing on Ice-elemental, which will gradually evolve as the story goes on. Interestingly, while Ben is most strongly associated with the Ice element, especially by the end of the story, a lot of his skills are Lightning-elemental at the current point in time.
The second part was written with one aim in mind, that being to prove that other people are taking notice that strange things are happening around Garden as of late. Tetsuya is a lot closer to the truth here than he realizes, given just how much Katanas isn't telling everyone about Planeswalkers and the like, but it is Sumiko here who is closest to the real truth. I also noted here that Tetsuya does have a relationship with Andréa, contradicting the earlier chapter which mistakenly was written as if they did not, that is closer to a brother-sister pair than anything else.
The next scene with Destine and Will was easily my favorite out of the chapter. Destine has been keeping her feelings bottled up for centuries regarding what happened at the end of the Harrowing, and it all comes out here in one big emotional release triggered by Will. Will suspected even before this began that Destine was finally hitting the breaking point, and he was deliberately trying to draw out her feelings here, making her face it and realize that people were willing to help her if she'd only give them the chance.
The scene with Kitaras Nicholai will truly only make sense for those who have read the above-mentioned story Family Rites; in summary, Jarok manages to assassinate Vinzer Deling Jr. and his wife Maria Deling at the Senior's behest, but winds up confronting Kitaras Nicholai, one of the family's top operatives and assassins in the process. Kitaras is seemingly killed in the ensuing conflict, but appears to him again unharmed and alive soon after. This explains exactly why that is – she was killed, but was brought back by Freya in order to temporarily serve as the Pillar of Destiny in Destine's absence. The reason that everyone is giving her evil looks at the opening is because of the fact that she is the child of Destine and Arragious Nicholai, with the relationship between the pair of them being a major reason for the Harrowing even occurring to begin with.
Angel speaking with Cid in the next scene was interesting to write, even when Daniel Wesley Rydell had written the scene out for me to begin with. Cid, as stated previously, knows pretty much everything there is to know about Angel's past and his status as a Planeswalker, and as such is rarely shocked by anything he has to say anymore. The Balamb Headmaster is one of the few people that Angel trusts implicitly, and has no issues divulging any matters to that he feels concerned about or needs advice on.
The last two scenes, in contrast to the others, were short and sweet; I may go back and cut the scene with Albel, as Iron Reaver intended to do more with what it was leading to but never got the chance. All in all, the chapter served the function of getting reactions out of the way in order to set up the next real arc.
DWR:
Little bit to say here. First, on Destine.
Destine being absolutely devastated by Freya's choices during the Harrowing was a fairly early idea when Nightfire began writing this out, and that made her different than Fayt and Hyne. She clearly could not deal with the heartbreak that her choices, and Freya's eventual forced decision made in separating her from Arragious, who she clearly cared about, as well as eventually having to separate from her daughter to keep her safe from those who still held hard feelings about the Harrowing's cause. For Will to call her out was the words that she was too afraid to speak, that she'd rather not live then continue on.
The biggest problem that I have with this is that there's not a lot of reference to this before or after, at least in the early stages. In all fairness, Destine doesn't have much to do in the next arc after Ben's incident, so I hope that we're able to elaborate on how she's coping with that.
Second, on Kitaras.
Kitaras was originally just a lap dog for the Deling family, albeit one that I kind of grew attached to. The original mention of her last name being Nicholai was a funny reference, considering the fact that Arragious had just met his end by Hyne. In this case though, it fleshed out the whole thing and really brought everything together, and made the relationship between Destine and Arragious real.
Finally, Angel.
Not a whole lot to say here. Nightfire needed some filler, and I had been dreaming of a scene where Cid was in the mentoring role that I knew he had with Angel, despite the age difference. Cid knowing everything, including Angel's status as a Vayash Moru was a necessary choice, since Angel told him everything when Cid was first looking for people to work in the organization he was founding.
Chapter I: For Want of Words
This was one of those chapters that had me resisting the urge to laugh with every sentence I wrote, mostly because it seemed like Darius was finally getting some comeuppance in this chapter after everything that has happened in-story. It helped a lot that the characters getting focus are some of my favorites to write, especially Etchel Beoulve. I love writing Etchel, which is a great surprise to me given that Etchel is not a character that I actually played in the roleplay – Etchel was played exclusively by Iron Reaver. For those paying attention, a nice running gag is set up here with Etchel and his apples – he is never without at least one, no matter the circumstances, and this is actually commented on some chapters later by Arragious Nicholai. While Etchel might prefer to act foolish and somewhat lazy, he is still a Malakh and a former Grim Angel Captain, making him quite capable of being serious when needed.
The entire chapter was set up to essentially be a big dump of information regarding exactly what happened before and during the Harrowing. What was said here is the condensed version of things; the full breakdown of events will actually be written out in Clouded Horizons: Origins, once I get around to writing that story. Nothing more really needs to be said; the chapter did what it needed to, and was fun to write all-in-all.
Chapter II: Vested Interests
This was another short chapter, only designed to advance things a bit further and actually set up for Book II's first arc, instead of anything further in Book I. Ben actually gets his first promotion here; Katanas had said that it was to be considered an official Garden mission when he and Rubedo were sent to confront Destine, and he performed enough above expectations for Katanas to recommend the promotion. It also serves to get one more piece of information out in the open, that being how many people actually know about Planeswalkers and the outer planes. There are not a lot of people who explicitly know, around ten at the present time.
The second piece of the chapter is what begins to lay groundwork for Book II. Vector Industries is another Xenosaga reference, and is used here as another corporation in Esthar, one which is growing substantially faster and larger than anyone ever expected. Within six years, the company has risen to be one of the biggest companies in Esthar, as well as one of the top ten most influential world corporations, and growth like that has naturally aroused suspicion. This particular inquiry actually comes from Tetsuya's father, James Alnon, who is the president of another Estharian company called Executive Outcomes, and is one of the pieces that will set off the first arc in Book II.
DWR:
Vector Industries originally didn't have a whole lot to it. In order to include it in the story in the role that we had planned for it, we needed to come up with how it was even on anyone's radar. Thusly, the story you saw.
Chapter III: Exile
This chapter, along with the first interlude, seemed to serve only to torture Destine a bit more than she has been already. Which is fine by me, incidentally; I've taken to enjoying the tormenting of characters that belong to all three of us a bit more than I expected. The opening here was somewhat of the straw that broke the camel's back, as Destine meets up with the last person she really needed to see in her condition, Arragious Nicholai. Without seeing Arragious as he was before, his attitude now has nothing to use for comparison, but Arragious has changed a lot since his time as the Gilead Order's leader. He still feels betrayed by Freya and the others in charge, and has finally decided to take revenge on all of them – which, unknowing even to him, is nothing more than a part in Hyne's own plans.
The middle section here was put in primarily to break up the first and last pieces, as I felt they wouldn't be good enough alone and that they needed something to space them out. I showcased a bit of Tetsuya's fighting style here, displaying that he favors power over almost everything else to go with the heavy gunblade that he wields. He is also primarily aligned with the Lightning element, like Darius; his "lightning aura" skill here is actually a skill passed down through the Kurabasa family for generations, which will be mentioned again and explained at some point in time. This was also the first indication that something might be wrong with Ben following the fight with Destine, as well.
If the first part of this chapter was cruel, the last part is downright heartbreaking; having Destine finally break down in front of Freya is something that both Daniel Wesley Rydell and I have wanted to do for a long time. Freya still hasn't forgiven herself for what she did in the past, and is finally realizing that while she has to be a planar leader, she still has to be – effectively – a mother as well.
DWR:
I hope we got across to you how hurt Destine is by Arragious' attack on her. Freya got it; I hope you did too. Destine really does care for Freya, despite her previous actions.
Chapter IV: Precautions
Another setup chapter here, mostly, with a couple different things happening. Ben is still pretty shaken by what happened the previous day with Tetsuya, and making the realization that he may have blown his "cover," such as it was, as a Planeswalker didn't help the matter. Lampshading the fact that even some of the characters think that Will is going to turn evil, given that Freya's two daughters have both done so thus far, was amusing as well – we consistently made jokes about it, and waited for it to happen right up until we wrote the finale for the story. Ruling the Ethereal Plane out as an option for help wasn't really considered until I started writing this, but I thought that it would be interesting to explore more logical and earthly means of investigation for a change.
The second part of this built on the ending piece from Vested Interests, with Senior actually having a mission team put together and briefed in order to go into Vector. Senior's choice of SeeD is certainly interesting; my co-authors commented that it was a very unusual choice until my reasoning became clear. Darius is, for all his attitude and flippancy, extremely skilled at improvisation and simply talking his way out of problems, making him an ideal choice to lead the mission itself. Naoki and Sumiko both hail from a background skilled in more esoteric arcane arts, with Sumiko particularly skilled in illusionary magic, giving them the magical edge needed to keep from arousing suspicion. Senior also leaves nothing to chance, bringing out a special operations team just in case anything goes wrong.
The last piece with Tetsuya and Andréa was particularly interesting to write – while people may have suspicions that things aren't entirely as they seem, they also have a certain amount of tact. Tetsuya, well…lacks this sometimes. He's very direct more often than not, and is not afraid to speak his mind without regards for the consequences. Yuki tends to balance this part of him out when the two of them are around each other, but Tetsuya's mouth occasionally gets him in trouble when he's alone. Here, he just might be getting in a little over his head.
DWR:
Spoiler warning. Will's not evil.
Chapter V: Hide and Seek
This entire chapter was more or less centered around infiltration, hence the name. On the one side, we have Darius' team infiltrating Vector Industries, while on the other we have Arragious Nicholai infiltrating the sanctum of the Ethereal Knights; the only piece not stealth-centered is the opening part, which sets up the mission for next chapter.
Writing Vector Industries was like a breath of fresh air for me, as it was a nice change of pace to get to write more about business and technology than the science and magic basis that I've been focusing on thus far with Garden and the outer planes. I'll be the first to admit that my business knowledge is lacking, having no particular experience or schooling in that area, but between my co-authors and I, we hopefully made it work well enough for our purposes here. One of the bigger things that stand out here is that none of the team has any particular training in computers, hence the need for secrecy and stealth to avoid a lockdown of the computers any more so than they already are secured. Another is that Darius loves playing a part – he could be an actor, were he not so focused on extorting people.
Arragious' section was a bit shorter and less in-depth, but gives a little more insight into the nature of his exile. Arragious sees his exile as a slap in the face mostly because of the nature of the exile and his feelings that he did nothing wrong, which is the truth, but also because he sees some level of bitter irony at the first real target of that exile being the one who wrote the rules on it. Masaki Hirota is one of those who sat on the council responsible for his exile, and the one unfortunate enough to be his first target; he and some of the other Malakh and Erudite featured here will make appearances in Origins as well.
The last section was designed to remind everyone, both in-story and the readers, that plans never go as planned. Hikari Tanaka's equipment is heavily inspired by the Mass Effect series, her holographic visor being very similar to an omnitool from the series for anyone who has played it. Some of the other equipment she uses will be based on similar technology, such as collapsible weaponry and possibly even concepts like tech powers used in the games themselves. The armor she is using is extremely complex and is actually still in experimental testing; her job as head of security is used as a productive, secretive, and efficient way to gather data about how it performs and functions that can be altered.
Chapter VI: Overcast
The opening bit of this chapter had a medical slant, which is outside my expertise; for both this and some of the later parts involving ESTI, I asked one of my reviewers for help and opinions, and I want to thank LovlyRita for giving me advice and generally hearing out my insanity as I tried to grapple with a believable yet medically-logical diagnosis for later, as well as part of the later section of this chapter. I had to do a bit of research on the mind and brain waves for this, and I can only hope that I didn't mess things up too badly.
Most of this chapter, however, was taken up by a mission to Timber. This was my attempt at showing that the other characters are out doing missions like normal, even if they're off-screen. I tried to tie in just a little bit of the actual game canon to this, given that it was set in Timber, and it was well worth it in order to have the ending moment where Rinoa simply stops the fight with a stray glance. Kirce Valtroux is effectively Azula from Avatar: The Last Airbender, albeit with a little less cunning and a lot more 'angry' added to the mix. There are other Alchemists out in the world besides the ones that we've seen, as Alchemy isn't taught just at Trabia Garden, and people can choose to misuse it just like anything else, as already seen with the Royal Thieves Guild. Ironically enough, after Ben breaks his secrecy about being a Planeswalker in front of Tetsuya, Andréa is forced to do the same thing here to save Tetsuya's life. As she stated to Tetsuya, however, it isn't technically a secret, just not common knowledge.
Chapter VII: Pride Before the Fall
This chapter was solely focused on the Ethereal Plane, specifically the continued dealings of Arragious in his quest for revenge. The short piece with Ben in the middle served almost no proper role except to break up the narrative a bit in order to keep it from being one long blurb, as well as to note a small fact or two about Planeswalkers that hadn't been mentioned as of yet. Planeswalkers have a number of quirks, for lack of a better term, that come with the position, and Ben is finally realizing that he accepted the position and responsibilities without "reading all the fine print," so to speak.
The Ethereal Magi's tower here is actually influenced by the Circle Tower from Dragon Age: Origins in architectural style and layout. Up to the point where I wrote this chapter, along with the one in which the Ethereal Knights' sanctum was written, I hadn't actually given much thought as to how the two buildings were laid out. At some point, I would like to go back and actually make a sort of floor plan for each of them, as well as the Palace of Creation, just to make sure I stay internally consistent in this story.
Arisa Minami is another character that will feature in Origins, and shows here that not everyone involved with Arragious' exile truly agreed with it. Arisa, in truth, only went along with the majority because she feared the resurgence of war should they not exile Arragious, a decision that wore on her more and more as time went on. Were Arragious fully in his right mind, unburdened by Hyne's subtle influence, he may have chosen to spare her instead. The scene here was tough to write, mostly because I could not write the dialogue in a way that satisfied my inner critic at first.
Etchel mentioned during his exposition a few chapters back that not all of the Malakh in the plane were killed, and Kari Inihara is another of those who survived. Her position here is actually somewhat strange; at the present time, she is a member of the Ethereal Magi of Templar rank by technicality and virtue of having few other places to belong, but is given a fair amount more leeway in her actions than others of her station because of her former status as Captain of the Fifth Division within the Order of Grim Angels. The scene with her and Arragious was also difficult to write, but in a different way; keeping her on equal footing with an Erudite was tough without some creative use of her skills. As another note,the concept of Diviners here is actually a mix of two concepts – the name comes from Riviera: The Promised Land, while the actual weapon's concept is from the zanpakuto of Bleach. Just like in Bleach, Diviners have two levels of power that can be drawn upon – Shikai, or the initial release, which changes the weapon into another form and often gives it an additional ability or two for use (typically hinted at by the name), and Bankai, or final release, which is often either a massive weapon or effect that expands upon and enhances aspects of the initial release form. Some of the ones that will be shown in this story in possession of Grim Angel characters are taken directly from Bleach and given different names, while some such as Kari's – Kazewana – are completely original creations. The Binding and Destructive Arts that are used here by Kari are all taken directly from Bleach, as well.
Chapter VIII: The Ties That Bind
Etchel's opening scene here, continued from the end of last chapter, is only the first of many, many times that he will be irritating people, more often than not with the whole "eating apples at inappropriate times" bit. Letting Arragious go seemed like an odd thing for Etchel to do, given what had obviously happened to one of his former comrades, but it was a tactical decision that he explained a bit further down in the chapter itself. The scene with Etchel and Kari was meant to be sweet and a contrast from the fight last chapter, and while they aren't a canonical couple as far as our universe goes, the pairing is about one stray glance from canon at the present time.
The ending part of this chapter was designed to be a sort of figurative slap in the face for Ben. In striving to be a member of SeeD and figure out what being a Planeswalker is all about, he's forgotten to take the time to remember the friends that helped him get to where he is. Some of his decisions could be seen as a bit illogical, and the reasoning behind things here is two-fold. From a story standpoint, the choices he made weren't the best ones for the people involved, and he is finally realizing that fact. From a purely story-writing perspective…well, there are a lot of characters in this story, and I wanted a way to put a few of them on a bus until I could work them in without feeling like I was ignoring them the rest of the time, so to speak. Trying to tie in all the myriad bits and pieces of plot that we may or may not have done anything with is an ongoing job for me, and I'm trying to make sure that all of the characters that currently feature and have some degree of focus actually have a place in the story at the moment. Those characters will have their place in the story later, but I don't want to feel like I'm simply ignoring them until I need them – I'd rather give a believable reason for their departure, temporary or otherwise.
Chapter IX: What Lies Beneath
This is the first look that we get to take at Hyne, and I tried to make it a memorable one. Hyne's basic idea does come from Peptuck's stories, as stated in the notes for the chapter itself, and I tried to stay true to the concept of the character here. Hyne loves to taunt people, is very smug, and has a lust for blood and violence that one wouldn't expect from someone who looks like a seven year old girl. In our canon, Hyne is the fourth Pillar of Reality, created specifically to make sure that souls entered Soul Society without problems, and the idea of constantly being around that much death seemed like it would weigh on someone over the decades in the opinions of my co-authors and I. Writing Hyne is something that is quite tough for me, mostly because Hyne is the complete opposite of my own personality.
The scene in the throne room was one of those that was designed not to shock the readers, but to give the characters themselves a bit of an "oh crap, we're in for it now" moment. By the time Odin and Xeios realize who Arragious has allied himself with – or at least as much of an alliance as their 'partnership' is – Hyne has already separated Odin and Arragious from the rest of them, and neither Xeios nor Freya truly know what Hyne is preparing to do. This is also the first time where we see Freya acting, more or less, angry. Freya is not happy at all that Hyne would pull a stunt like this, and even less so that she seems to have gotten Arragious involved in revenge after so many centuries of peace.
I highly doubt I shocked anyone with the twist in the third part, but I gave it a try anyway. One of the things that I fought with was whether to write this in first-person, as the rest of Ben's POV has been done, or in a third-person view. I eventually decided to go third-person for no other reason than practicality. The scene itself did not lend itself well to a first-person view, given the circumstances, and looking back I honestly wish I had simply written the entire story in third-person to begin with.
DWR:
Angel has an unusual perspective, and that's why he was the first on scene. To be clear, he's not positive as to what has happened to Ben as of this moment, but the battle in the next chapter pretty much tells him what he needs to know.
Chapter X: Liberi Fatali
The name of this chapter seemed only fitting, given that it was the theme that played during Angel and Ben's first fight way back in chapter six. I noted in the commentary for that chapter above that Angel would have won that fight, and that showed here in execution. Angel did get caught off-guard by Manes' use of Ben's skills, showing exactly how Ben needs to be fighting versus how he has been fighting up to this point, but in the end his superior stamina and power simply won out, as Ben is not really built to deal large amounts of damage in one strike such as what would be needed to deal a serious blow to a Vayash Moru like Angel. It was a lot of fun actually writing the fight, and it is a massive improvement in my opinion over the first fight in both content and description. One thing that warrants some explaining is Ben's Overdrive skill used here – the skill is called Spark Waltz, and was never shown in Destiny's Call or Eternal Requiem, but rather in the rewrite Chronicles of the Chosen. In writing that story, I made some edits to the skills Ben attained in Spira, and changing around his Overdrive skills was one of those edits.
Also, this was the second time we see Freya truly irritated with someone, this time being Destine. Going after her and her advisors is one thing in her eyes, as they are easily capable of defending themselves against nearly anything in the realm, but going after a newly-minted Planeswalker in such a fashion crossed a line that Freya is quite upset about.
Chapter XI: Angels and Demons
This chapter was practically nothing but fighting, but each of the fights were rather distinct. On one side, we had Odin having a good old fashioned sword duel with Arragious in one of the worst places to have one, while on the other, we had Ben and Manes having a fight that wouldn't look out of place in anime within the confines of Ben's own mind. A rather apt comparison, actually, since I tend to write as if I was writing for an anime series most of the time, but that's neither here nor there. The intention to have them so distinct in style wasn't my initial plan, but it seemed to work out that way and worked rather well in my opinion. Odin does have a somewhat boisterous side to his personality, and part of that came out here during his fight with Arragious. Arragious made a not-insubstantial mistake in his planning, as well – thinking that one can take on someone like Odin by themselves, former Captain-Commander or not, is just asking for trouble, and Odin was quick to make sure that Arragious realized just how much he was in over his head.
Manes, in typical villain fashion, also has a grand old time gloating about how he has everything under control and how there's nothing the hero can do to stop him. When Manes isn't being sadistic and sickening, he's being…well, hammy. It's one of his fatal flaws; he tends to enjoy taunting and gloating a little too much, and this would mark the third time that it cost him dearly, the first two both being against Rubedo. The difference here is that if he had stuck to normal taunting, he would have actually won, but he had to go one step further than he needed and indirectly drag Ben's family into it. That was the one thing that really cost him the fight, and it felt only fitting to have someone like him fall victim to the archetypical villain undoing – making the fight personal. This is also the first time that we get to see Ben's actual Limit Break, a skill called Spiral Masquerade. Fittingly enough, the attack is all about speed, and is the only actual Limit technique that we'll see Ben using in the story, as memory serves.
Chapter XII: Broken Bonds
The opening of this chapter was the most difficult part to write, largely in part because Ben is still in a bit of a splintered mental state at this point. While he is back in full control of himself following his defeat of Manes, that control is more than a bit tenuous, and he has no idea whether what he did is temporary or permanent. Here, his emotions are still swinging a bit out of sorts from fear to aggression, and it is entirely a product of his own fears and worries about the situation. The part of the scene in Freya's chamber was meant to establish that even with all the power of a planar leader, there are some things that Freya can't just magically fix, this being one of them. Destine crafted her magic to be a permanent deal, and it did the job quite nicely in that regard. It also serves to explain how Vayash Moru in our canon are created, requiring a being to be possessed by a Daiesthai first – Ben's case isn't exact, but close enough to effectively give the same outcome if something were to happen to Manes.
The other half of the chapter is one of the final bits of setup for the opening of Book II, which will begin by focusing on Vector Industries and their dealings with the KP-X project. As stated above, Lindsey Geneave was "assassinated" some time ago in Galbadia, but in reality was actually kidnapped and used to be the basis for Vector's newest experiment. Finding out who her "killer" is one of the key points to the opening of Book II, and will be leading Darius on a renewed quest to find the truth behind just what happened that day – or at least, that's the plan for our writing at the present time.
Chapter XIII: Thanatos, Part I
I can't even begin to describe the feeling of relief that I had when I realized that yes, I had actually made it this far in-story. I've been working on this story for so long that I had begun to lose track of exactly where I was in the grand scheme of things, and to realize I had the first major stopping point almost completed was an incredible relief. Ein's character is always an interesting one to write, simply because of the childish innocence and enthusiasm that he has which most of our characters lack. Getting a chance to go to the Ethereal Plane is similar to the feelings that most kids have at the prospect of going to Disneyland or a similar theme park or attraction, and I tried to play that up here to contrast with the tone shift that was to accompany the rest of the Book's finale.
Things started going downhill quickly the moment that Arragious and Hyne decided to re-enter the Palace of Creation; Angel happened to be the first unlucky victim in the path of the duo. I'm trying hard not to diminish Angel's credibility, but this was simply one of those moments where no matter what he did, he had no chance to win. Survive, yes…win, no. It was Kisara, however, that got to showcase one of Hyne's stronger points, which is the all-encompassing, unnerving feelings that Hyne tends to bring wherever she goes. I felt like I was channeling every survival horror game I've ever played and every horror movie I've watched while I was writing this scene, and I tried to make it as eerie as I could possibly make it.
The last line in this chapter, as well, was rather fun to throw in as an apparent twist, and I found myself wondering just how many people I made second-guess Freya's benevolent nature with those words.
Chapter XIV: Thanatos, Part II
The final chapter of Book I as a whole and of Hyne's arc, I knew I had to make this a good one to end on. I knew that the first order of business would be for Freya to defend against Hyne's accusations, and she did so by explaining the precise reasons behind Hyne's creation; Hyne initially got quite an amount of leeway because of her responsibilities of ferrying souls from all three of the primary planes – mortal, Ethereal, and Nether. Arragious actually being mind-controlled and not just suckered into working with Hyne was something that I hoped came as a small shock, however minor, and I hoped that his death evoked similar feelings. Hyne proves in the process that she is more than capable of handing either of Freya's advisors their heads on a stick, if she really set her mind to it, and her treatment of Arragious comes almost verbatim from the equivalent scene in the roleplay, one which left me both fascinated and a bit disturbed at Daniel Wesley Rydell. This has since become just par for the course, as we've all had our similar moments throughout the roleplay.
Katanas being verbally assaulted by Hyne was one thing that I never intended to leave out, as it was just too good of a scene to pass up. Initially, there were more people present, and Hyne took shots at each of them in turn, but I shifted the scene to being only Katanas and Ein and focused solely on Katanas with the verbal sparring. Hyne loves her theatrics, no matter the situation, and she didn't seem to expect Katanas simply brushing the comments off and moving on. Having Katanas actually fight was something that hadn't been done since way back in chapter twelve, but having Freya step up and fight was another of the events I intended to be a major surprise for readers. Freya, as stated, is primarily a magic user of the Divine Magus class, a class that is focused around Holy-elemental spells which often carry debilitating effects, but uses skills from a variety of disciplines such as the aforementioned Ritualist arts, Symbology magic, and even physical arts such as those of the Paladin. Hyne, in all honesty, is capable of giving Freya a decent fight, though she is somewhat less powerful than the Creator. Freya tends to hold back in combat, though, as she is hesitant to actually resort to force unless she sees an immediate threat that cannot be counteracted without fighting. Here, she had no such reason to hold back once Katanas fell, knowing that Ein would be safe even if she unleashed a portion of her considerable spiritual power.
The ending here was something that I wrestled with, as I didn't want it to come across as a cop-out of Hyne getting what she deserved. There is a punishment planned for her, but her punishment will be a bit more extensive and…interesting, than simply stripping her powers away, even though that is one part of it. Katanas and Ein have a father-son dynamic going on, as Ein doesn't know either of his real parents, and I tried to have a touching moment with the both of them here to build on that relationship.
Overall, I was considerably more pleased with the results of this arc than the previous, as I feel like my writing has improved by leaps and bounds over what it was a mere fifteen or so chapters before. I'm very excited at what is to come, especially the next two arcs, and fully intend to continue writing on this story for as long as I am physically able. I tried hard to get to this point so that I would have a good stopping point should I decide to take the time to work on any of my other stories, and I extend my most sincere thanks to any and all of my readers who have stuck with this story up to this point. From all of us here at Flex Designs, Ltd., we hope that you continue to enjoy the fruits of our labor.