Master Splinter had insisted that Raphael let him take a look and bind up his injuries before going to visit Leonardo in the med bay. April was tending to Michelangelo. The burns on his arms were painful, but not dangerous. Raphael's wounds too were painful, but not life threatening.

But Leo…

Raphael's stomach churned and tightened with fear as the events played over in his mind again.

The static coming in and out over the communicator, the signal not completely being cut off when the dimension portal had closed.

"….You've been portal chopped…"

Ksssssssssh

"YOU!"

Ksssssssssh

"…YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING!"

Kssssssssh

"… And now my wrath will be reserved for you alone…"

THUD!

Ksssssssssssh

"…think you've won…."

THUD!

Ksssssssssssh

"…wretched…"

THUD!

"…little…"

THUD!

"… pest!"

"Gaaaaaahhhhhh"

Hearing the Krang beating on his brother, feeling as if he was taking every blow along with his brother. Leonardo being unable to hold back his cries and grunts of pain as each blow had landed. He'd gone down to his knees. He'd wanted to throw up. He'd wanted to be there with his brother. To stop this. It was his job. He'd failed... he'd failed. His brother had needed him and... he couldn't get to him...

"Red… Red? Raphael!"

Raphael blinked and focused on the small form of his father before him.

"My son, are you alright?"

"Yeah, pop. I'm ok… just worried about Leo."

Splinter's eyes were mixed with a blaze of sadness and worry.

"Am I done? I'd like to go see him?"

"Yes, my son. I will help April finish up with your brother. Go see if Donatello needs any help."

Raphael quickly rose and headed up to the med bay.

The sounds of his brother's cries as they'd echoed through the communicator still echoing in his head. Raphael had never felt so helpless in all of his life. Every cry of pain had been a hole through him. His brother had gone there knowing it was a one way ticket, knowing there was no going back and knowing that he was more than likely going to die. Knowing that the Krang would extract his revenge on him. He'd known all too well what he'd been getting into. Yet, he'd done it anyway.

Raphael closed his eyes against the pain threatening to overwhelm him. The nausea churning in his gut. Those moments had been the longest in his life. He had expected the communicator to go down or offline after the portal closed, but as if someone was toying with them the communicator had hissed with static then crackled and Leoanrdo's single final taunt had come through. He'd listen with sickening horror as the communicator had crackled with static again and again, cutting out as his brother had taken blow after blow. He'd been unable to do anything as he'd listened to Leonardo being beaten by the Krang. Beaten to the point he was now. Teetering on the edge of life and death.

Raphael pushed open the med bay doors.

Leonardo was where he expected him to be. His small thin frame seemed so still. So unnaturally still. His eyes were closed. His mask gone. Dark bruises were forming on his face, his arms, splatters of blood were still drying on the top of his plastron that wasn't hidden underneath the blanket that covered him.

Donatello's back was to the door, staring up at the screen that showed internal and external scans of Leonardo's damaged body, the computer still adding to the list of injuries it was diagnosing. Raphael flinched at the length of the list. This wasn't good.

"How bad, Donny?"

Donatello didn't turn. Didn't react. He seemed to be frozen where he was. Raphael frowned moving closer to his brother and gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"Donny?"

Donatello jumped, as if just realizing that Raphael had entered the room.

"You ok, Donny?"

"Raph… I… yeah I'm fine… I'm not the one you should be asking."

Raphaael sighed and glanced over his shoulder to where Leonardo was. "How bad?"

"Its bad, Raph. I'm not even sure where to begin. Fracture in his leg, cracks in his plastron and carapace, crushing injury to his lung, several broken ribs, one has completely fractured, a few deep lacerations that'll need stitches, fractured shoulder, bruising everywhere, trauma to his liver and kidneys, hairline fracture in his jaw… but this one…" Donatello pointed to the top of Leonardo's head on the screen. "This one is the one that scares me. He's got a pretty severe fracture to the skull and the scans are showing signs of swelling and a possible bleed inside the brain. Ruptured vessels possibly. But it is causing a lot of pressure. He's not breathing very well… I've got him on the ventilator. But I can't wake him… his pupils are… Raph… he's… he's in a coma. And… I'm not sure if he'll come out of it. No matter what we do. His systems are already showing signs of shutting down. Raph… Leo is... I'm scared that he's dying."

Tears uncharacteristically spilled into Donatello's mask, he lifted a hand to them, touching them as if checking to see what was there. As if stunned to see that he could cry more than once in a day.

Before the younger turtle could protest. Raphael pulled his little brother in for a hug. He felt Donatello stiffen for a moment, as if ready to protest before pushing into him.

"We ain't gonna let dat 'appen, Donny. Leo is tough. He'll fight. We're gonna 'elp 'im."

Donatello just sniffed against him but Raphael felt his brother leaning on him for strength, trusting him. They could do this. Leonardo was going to be ok. Any other outcome was unthinkable.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It took almost two hours for them to do everything they could do for Leonardo. Raphael had taken extreme measures to be as gentle as possible as he'd washed the drying tacky blood off his brother's plastron. Leonardo had not reacted to his chest being wrapped, his leg being set, his shoulder being bound, the stitches pulling his skin together, or the pressure hole Donatello made to relieve some of the pressure on the brain by draining out some of the blood there.

By the time they were done Donatello was exhausted and from the way he was moving he was extremely sore.

Raphael had told him to go see Splinter, and that he would keep watch over Leonardo while Donatello finally got the medical attention he needed.

Raphael had wrapped his big hand around Leonardo's much smaller one, mindful of the IV that Donatello had put in there.

He slumped forward, resting his head on the mattress next to his brother and let his tears fall. Again, he felt so helpless. So useless. His brother was slipping away. There was nothing he could do to stop it. To save him. This wasn't something he could save him from. Donatello had told him if Leonardo made it through the next twenty-four hours, he might have a chance, but from his tone… Raphael knew that Donatello didn't hold out much hope.

Sobs wracked his tired and aching body. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. It was supposed to be him. He was the oldest. It was his responsibility to look out for them. But somewhere along the way he'd let Leonardo down. Let them all down, when they had needed him the most. And this was the price… this was what it was going to cost him.

It was as if the universe was mocking him for his own weakness. For not being strong enough. When Leonardo's words had broken through the monster that had been consuming him, and he had seen the pain in his brother's eyes as his own tentacles had been doing their best to strangle him, he'd seen his brother in a new light. Leonardo was no longer the sibling that never took anything seriously, who was always shooting off one liners, who pranced around trying to show off, who's ideas always got them into trouble.

Suddenly, Raphael was seeing him through new eyes. Seeing their battles differently. Although Leonardo was still quick to come up with a witty remark or snarky one liner, his body language spoke differently. Tension, fear, worry. He had not been goofing off and refusing to take things seriously. He had always taken them seriously. He'd tried to cope with it with his humor. To make himself feel better. It was what he had needed to do so that he wouldn't completely go to pieces. So he could be there to support his brothers when they'd needed him.

After they had lost the key and Raphael had been lecturing Leonardo about being more serious about their missions he saw in a small mirror on the wall Leonardo's face change from a smirk, to surprise, to serious and then worry. He had been listening to everything that Raphael had been telling him, and had taken it seriously. He had not been blowing Raphael off as he had initially thought, but was internalizing what Raphael had been telling him and was worried about the responsibility that he was not ready to take on. To one that was thrown on him suddenly and for reasons he didn't understand. He had always depended on Raphael to lead, and had been content being in Raphael's shadow. But now he had the weight of being leader and was not sure he wanted or was ready for it.

Leonardo had hid his insecurities behind his jokes and confident swagger, as if trying to pretend that nothing could phase him. But as Raphael thought about things differently, viewed them in a different light he could see Leonardo trying again and again to prove himself. As if he had always felt this way. How he'd struggled to learn how to control his mystic abilities, he'd been the slowest of the brothers to master it. He'd told them time and time again that he wasn't good enough, and had always seemed genuinely surprised when he had managed to make a portal. Often times he had openly sought his brothers' approval, but he had not received what he'd been looking for. When all along all he had wanted was their faith in him. But had they ever really given it to him?

Even when they had faced the Shredder for the first time it had been Leonardo who had managed to get the collar from Big Momma to help them subdue him. The entire time he had been gone Raphael had doubted that Leonardo would be able to pull it off.

But Leonardo had returned with Splinter victorious and after they had gotten some good sleep Raphael had asked Leonardo how he had pulled it off. With a gloating smile Leonardo had told Raphael his entire plan and Raphael had been stunned by Leonardo's analytical mind. While it might have seemed as if Leonardo was winging it, he had been planning the entire time. He'd known exactly what he'd been doing and knew that his plan would succeed. He'd believed in his plan and had faith that it would work, while at the same time having faith in his brothers that they would be able to hold Shredder off until he could get back to them. But in the back of his mind, had probably known their faith in him was waning.

And now… now it could be too late… to late to let Leonardo know. Too late to know how proud of him he was. How brave he had been. That he had done things, that Raphael wasn't sure he'd have been able to do himself. To stare death in the face and not only face it, but meet it head on.

He was sure that Leonardo knew exactly what it was he'd be facing when he trapped himself in that prison dimension, but Leonardo had not cared. He'd done what he'd had to… not only to protect his family but to save the whole world.

Raphael's hand squeezed Leonardo's cold limp one.

"I'm so sorry, Leo… I'm so sorry…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Raphael wasn't sure when it was that he'd fallen asleep. But wherever he was he couldn't feel the pain anymore. This place was white. So white it was almost blinding. But the feeling of peace there was overwhelming. Though he could not see much, he could see what was beyond his sight must be beautiful.

As he turned where he stood, hoping to figure out where he was exactly, he saw a familiar figure not that far from him. The markings on his shell were unmistakable.

"Leo?"

"Hmmm?" Leonardo looked over his shoulder and then his face broke out in a big smile.

Joy bubbled in Raphael's heart.

"LEO!"

He was running now, racing to his brother. And Leonardo was running to him. Quickly closing the gap.

Raphael threw his arms around his little brother, crushing him to him. A lump swelling in his throat and tears burned in his eyes.

"Leo… you are alright! You're ok!"

"Course I'm alright, Raph. You don't need to worry about me, big bro."

Raphael held Leonardo tighter, pressing his face to Leonardo's shoulder. He was beginning to shake. The tears falling.

Leonardo patted the side of his shell with gentle affection, his own arms not long enough to wrap around Raphael's bulk.

"Hey, easy, Raph… it's ok. I promise I'm ok."

"But the Krang… you were… but you look…" Raphael pulled back looking his brother over.

Leonardo's mouth turned up in a half smile. There were no bruises, no cuts, no broken bones, no cracks in his shell.

"But how did…"

"Don't worry about it, Raph. Ok? Let's just be glad I'm ok… right?" Leonardo lifted a hand and patted Raphael's shoulder gently.

"Leo, I…" Raphael reached up, catching Leonardo's hand before he could pull away. "I thought we were gonna lose ya… that you were… Donny said… "

Tears fell freely down his face now.

"Raph, no matter what happens. There's nothing we'll face that could ever stop us from being brothers. Or being there for each other. We're family. Like it or not, bud. You are stuck with me. We'll always be there for each other. Right?"

Raphael sniffed and nodded, feeling more tears fall. "Right… that's what brothers are for."

"It's what family is for," Leonardo smiled at him.

"Leo…I wanted to tell ya that… what ya did up there… well it was incredibly stupid. I can't believe that ya would jus' go an' sacrifice yerself like dat!"

Leonardo's expression fell and Raphael saw the self doubt creeping back into Leonardo's eyes.

"I don't know w'at ya were t'inkin'. But, Leo, I also wanna tell ya… I'm really proud o' you. Because o' you we beat da Krang."

Leonardo blinked and the small little smile returned.

"I know that I haven't always shown it, but ya've really stepped up, an' I'm so proud of how you've grown and how far you've come. I knew ya could do it… I hope ya know dat, ya were always a valued member of da team. Dat ya didn' need to prove yerself ta us… ya never did. Yer our brother. Ya were always good enough. An' we love ya. Ya were always…"

"Raph…"

"I shoulda been a better brother. I feel like I let ya down… dat I coulda been better. All da times we fought. All da times dat ya felt like we didn' appreciate ya, when ya felt like we didn' believe in ya. I shoulda trusted ya more. I shouldn' 'ave been so 'ard on ya. I jus' didn' wanna lose ya. I didn' want anythin' ta 'appen ta ya. All da time ya 'ad ideas, dey always worked out. Ya 'ad good ideas, Leo. I shoulda listened ta ya more… been more supportive. Let ya feel like yer opinion had more o' a voice in t'ings. I promise from now on I'm gonna listen more ta yer ideas. Let ya be da leader. Whatever ya say, Leo, we'll do it as a team."

"Raph…"

"I know what yer gonna say, Leo. But listen. I got faith in ya, i've always 'ad faith in ya. Cause yer my brother. An' I'll always 'ave faith in my family. I believe in ya, bro."

"RAPH!"

Raphael blinked and saw the small smile had faded a little and a sadness had touched Leonardo's eyes, tears were brimming.

"Raph… I know. You guys are my family. I've always known how you've felt about me. You don't need to explain."

"But I do… ya 'ave ta 'ear dis…"

"Raph, I've…" Leonardo put a hand on Raphael's shoulder gently, and squeezed, refusing to meet Raphael's eyes. "I've got to go."

"Wait… what? Go where? Why?"

"Raph… it's ok… just remember I'm ok. And remember that I'm always going to be there for you. Whenever you need me, just like I always have. Nothing has changed. This isn't goodbye, it is just see you later."

Raphael suddenly felt cold as if his blood had turned to ice. His chest tightened. "Leo…"

But Leonardo was already pulling away from him. He started to turn, but then hesitated and turned back to Raphael giving him a tight hug. The ice seemed to melt away as he felt the strength of his brother's love for him fill his entire being. It was the strongest feeling he'd ever had. The warmest, most perfect hug he'd ever received. It was one he would never forget.

"Raph, I love you, bro."

"Leo…"

But Leonardo had already pulled away and was now several feet away from him. How had he gotten so far so fast?

"Leo, no wait!" Raphael lunged forward, his hand sweeping through the air where Leonardo's shoulder should have been. But it passed through thin air.

Leonardo gave him that cocky little smirk over his shoulder as he walked across the white room, the further he got the more transparent he became. He saw his brother reaching for something out of his sight and then…

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Raphael jolted awake to the shrieking of the alarm on the monitor.

"Leo? Leo?! LEO?! NO, LEO! DON'T DO THIS! PLEASE! DONNY! MASTER SPLINTER! LEO! DON'T LEAVE! LEO! COME BACK!"

A/N:

While this story is very depressing, I've thought about this a bit. I normally don't do death stories. Especially for turtles. :) But life is such a fragile thing, and I have been thinking to myself what if things had ended differently. What if they hadn't gotten Leonardo out, or what if his injuries were just too severe? Life is such a fragile thread and in a moment it can be gone.

Raphael's dream of Leonardo is similiar to a dream I had of my brother a few weeks after his funeral. I had gone to my mom's house and broken down in tears, telling her what a terrible sister I had been. All the fights I'd had with my brother over the years. The regret for not always treating him better, for not letting him know how much he meant to me. Taking him for granted. One of the last times I saw him I'd been annoyed with him because of circumstances that were not entirely in his control. I told mom that the last thing I'd ever told my brother was how much I loved him, but I had no idea that the next day he'd die. I was clear on the other side of the country when I got the news that he and his new wife had been killed in a car accident. I couldn't do anything, not even be with my family. My guilt and grief were consuming me. It broke my mom's heart to see me so consumed with this and she had told me not for a moment would my broher have wanted me to hold onto it. That night I dreamed of him and much like how Leo did with Raph he gave me a hug, and I could feel the strength of the love he still had for me. Even when I woke I could still feel it. And I knew my mom was right. Death is not the end, it isn't goodbye. It is only a see you later. As hard as this story was to do, I had to get it out.

Side note, if anyone is wondering if I'm still working on the final story to my love series, yes it is in the works. Sometimes other things need to be cleared out of my head so I can think. :). Until next time thanks for reading and as always for those who take the time to review.