I'm our local lady down on Skid Row
And though I bear the sin of my trade
I dream of a place
That'll give some grace
But they're not for a hooker in rouge
Oh, if Seymour took me far from Skid Row
If we could have each other
The clients'd leave me alone within his warmth
And down the aisle I could finally go forth
Hey Seymour, can you take me down to Schmendricks'?
Though from harlots that request is eccentric
Yes, the outfits are cheap and the guys are drips
But what I yearn about at night is your hands placed on my hips
Get me out of the ditch and into the light
So I can approximate a lady who has never been of night
Get me out of The Gutter and into your protection
I'll cook great and look appealing
I'll slip in to what's revealing
'Cause you're the only guy who would have me
(Not that whores are what you merit)
Could you please take me far from Skid Row?
Why am I pretending love could grow?
I'm tainted and bruised
And deserve to be abused
And you should live your life with a nice girl