Chapter 2
"Stop shoving you idiots! I made three holes for a reason!"
"It's not my fault you made them so damn close!"
"Well maybe if your head wasn't so fat, you'd have more-"
"Shush you two! They just arrived!"
"Ooooooooo the show is about to start~!"
"You truly outdid yourself this time, Matsuda! Any minute now, those wonderful, bouncy, soft Oppai will come through that door and I'll finally get another chance to-"
"Oi! Control that lust of yours, Issei! Last thing we need is to get caught like last time! My balls still sting just thinking about what they'll do to us if we're caught."
[Hi guys!]
The trio jumped in fright at the sudden voice behind them. Standing tall with his trademark smile was Kumagawa Misogi in all his goofy protagonist glory.
"Geez, don't scare us like that, Misogi-senpai!" Matsuda, the big-eared, shaved, third self-proclaimed pervert of the trio, hushed.
[Ah, my bad! Saw you guys and thought I'd say hi. Whatcha doin'? Oh! Something mischievous again?]
Motohama, the plain, bespectacled, second-self-proclaimed pervert of the trio, lifted his glances in the classic 'I'm going to say something cool' way that only a typical bespectacled anime character could pull off. He even managed the classic sun glare, which gave him 10 points in the Devil's Book.
"You know us well, Misogi-senpai. But as a member amongst true men, we knew you'd be back, so we left a space just for you." He revealed, patting the area next to him. The sight made the Devil's smile become even wider.
[Awwwww, you guys didn't have to do that for little ol me!]
"Of course we did!" Finally, the third member, Issei Hyoudou, and the self-proclaimed 'horniest man alive' stood up and spoke animatedly. "It's because of you that we see our true selves! That we can truly live unashamed as the men we are! You have shown us that there is nothing to be ashamed of! That we should never deny our passion, even in the face of criticism and hypocrisy! It is thanks to you that my eyes have been opened, allowing me to look upon the voluptuous treasures that are Oppai with zero regrets! YOU, Misogi-senpai, are our God, and no amount of gratitude will ever repay your enlightenment! All hail the Almighty!"
"All hail the Almighty(x2)!"
Then and there, in an isolated corner of Kuah Academy, three teens bowed repeatedly in worship before their deity. The deity himself rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, not expecting the out-of-pocket reaction from the three he called 'acquaintances'.
[Seriously, you guys! You're gonna make me blush!] He said it genuinely, not at all embarrassed by the display despite his outward expression. It made it all the more bittersweet that he was about to commit blasphemy before his faithfully loyal companions. [Forgive me, my fellow brethren, but I have turned a leaf.]
The three instantly stopped mid-worship to stare at their deity.
"Da hell you mean you've turned a leaf? Have you not forgotten our mission? Our purpose for living as men?" Motahama asked, sounding nearly hysterical.
[Oh no no, worry not, brothers, for I have not forgotten our mission or our sacred order. However, the powers that be have finally brought down the hammer of justice on my shoulders. Any further violations, and I risk angering the Devil himself. You guys understand that, right?]
"But, you were the one keeping us together. You were our pillar of strength against the darkness that was typical of Shonen background characters. What will we do without your guidance, Misogi-senpai?!" Issei cried, tears beginning to form in his eyes alongside his fellow perverted trio.
Two hands landed on Issei's shoulders. Eyes widening, the trio looked to their leader, their deity, with eyes of wonder as he looked down at them with eyes much like a father looking down on his lost child.
[Worry not, my brothers. This is not the end of our journey, but the beginning. This was not our conclusion, but our prologue to our story. We were but children who have yet to become men. We have proven that no matter how many times they broke us down, we continue to get back up. We have bared our weaknesses before each other and have become stronger for it. It is time for us to move on to the next chapter in our lives so that we may truly achieve all of our dreams—so that we may one day live in the Oppai paradise of the protagonist you all so desperately dream of.]
In the midst of their deity's speech, music, almost angelic, began playing in the background. The sun seemed to brighten behind him, a chorus followed by angels circling his angelically plane features. All the while, tears strolled down the young teenagers faces. They have never seen anything more beautiful than at this moment, and they truly believed this to be the greatest sermon they'd ever heard.
Then it all just slowly began to die. The music began dying like a cut record, and the angles around them lost their flight and wings as the sun began to dim at the return of their deity's happy-go-lucky smile.
[So, as my brothers, I humbly ask that you cease any and all perverted actions at once. No more peeping on any and all girls in this school, and no more crimes against our fellow classmates. Let us become good, humble, law-abiding citizens of Japan and take control of our baser needs.] Their eyes suddenly became as dry as deserts. [So, what do ya say? Are you ready for change?]
At once, the pervert trio looked to each other, a conversation being had with their eyes alone—a skill attained through years and years of debauchery. The decision on what their next move would be was the topic of discussion and whether or not following their deity was for the best or not.
Their decision was unanimous.
"FUCK YOU, NORMY!" Was their combined thoughts turned into a shout, followed by six middle fingers aimed at their now 'disowned' deity/brethern before the trio dismissed him altogether to return to their previous activities.
[Awwwwww, don't be like that, guys! I'm sure with enough effort, we can rise up from the-aaaaaaaand I'm being ignored...] The Devil trailed off, watching his friends fight to stay quiet as they wiggled in place—the view they were seeing no doubt enticing their teenage libidos. He tried getting their attention again, but might as well have been wind against their skin for how much they ignored him.
Not allowing his brethren to get under his skin, the Minus turned and began his trek to places unknown. Meanwhile, the trio of teenagers fought to keep quiet as blood trickled down their noses.
Through the man-made holes was a locker room—specifically, to the kendo club. Inside, various teenage girls of differing ages disrobed in confidence, unknowingly giving the peeping toms a free view of all their womenly parts. This was paradise—true paradise.
*BANG*
The door to the room suddenly slammed open, startling both the trio and the kendo girls. At once, all eyes landed on the figure standing almost proudly at the entrance. The trio's jaw practically hit the floor upon seeing their former deity, followed by the words that came out of his mouth next.
"KYAAAAAAAAA!"
Student Council Office
"...Do you know why you're here, Kumagawa-san?"
[Is it because I asked our homeroom teacher the color of her panties last week?]
"No."
[Is it because I told the class that Akeno doesn't wear panties on Tuesdays and Fridays?]
"No..."
[Oh, then is it when I-]
"No, it's not that either, nor does it have anything to do with women's underwear. Period."
[I see. Hmmmmm... Then is it because I changed this inspired fanfiction from an ecchi supernatural drama into a romantic comedy?]
"No-wait, when did you... No, Kumagawa-san."
[Oh, then maybe it's-]
"You're here because of what you did at the kendo club, Kumagawa-san." Sona nearly snapped, never wishing to punch someone in the face more than the boy across from her. Around the room, her peerage shared her sentiment—none more than her newly reincarnated pawn, Saji.
[Oooooooh... Well, I know what it looks like, but I swear my intentions were pure.]
"Hmph, pure my ass," Saji whispered behind the Queen's words, getting the attention of the man himself.
[When did you get here, Saji-san?]
"I've been here the entire time, you bastard! You even looked right at me!"
[Did I? Sorry, I tend to forget background closet perverts who are too ashamed to admit what they are. You understand, right?"
"Y-you sonuva-"
"Enough!" Sona shouted to get order back in the room and attention back on her. "Kumagawa-san, I believe you made a promise with Rias, did you not?"
[Of course! I promised her I'd become a changed man, and I am!]
"Your idea of 'change' is walking into the kendo club's changing room?"
[I caught my friends peeping on girls again, so I only thought it right to inform their victims. See? The old Misogi would have joined them!]
"And your idea of 'solving' this was by walking right in while you knew they were changing?"
[I thought they'd like to know right away.] The Queen pouted.
"Maybe, but not only was your timing horrendous, but your actions made you look worse than the perverted trio."
Kumagawa held his chest as if in pain.
[How could anyone think such a thing of me? Especially you, Sona-tan! I'd think you of all people know by now that I'm only into older women.] Sona bit her tongue, the pain doing the mediocre job of forcing the memories of the most humiliating time of her life back down. [Speaking of your sister, how's Sera-tan been? It's been a while since we last-]
"In any case," Sona interrupted the man, in no mood to fall into the Queen's rhythm. "You must report for detention after school for the next week as punishment. It is mandatory, so skipping will only get you into more trouble."
[Aaaaawwwwwwww.] The Queen puffed his cheeks in a pout, Sona getting a small amount of joy from the sight. [Will you at least be there to oversee my punishment, Sona-tan? I can't do this without you.]
"Fortunately, I will not. Tsubaki will oversee your detention this time."
[Really?] The Queen pouted further, looking to his fellow Queen standing next to the Sitri heir. [But she's so boring~.]
The bespectacled Queen named Tsubaki looked to her King and asked a simple question: "Kaicho, can I please dispose of this filth?"
"Peace, Tsubaki...And that's checkmate, Kumagawa-san." Her opponent blinked at her before looking down at the board they'd been playing since the start of their conversation. It was, in fact, checkmate. His King was trapped in a corner, the rest of his troops either captured or in random points on the board while Sona only suffered three casualties.
A hand went up to rub the back of his head as he laughed good-naturedly.
[Haha, I'm really bad at this game, huh?]
No, no he was not, and both of them knew it.
"If you have nothing else to say, then return to class. Due try to not be late again." The student council president finish exasperately, to which she got a salute from the Queen.
[You don't have to worry about me, Sona-tan! I'll make sure I'm there, or I'll be square!] Without further delay, he stood from his chair and began his walk out. Sona should have known he wouldn't leave so easily, and he proved so by stopping just before opening the door to look back at her with that stupid smile. [Black today, Sona-tan? I didn't think you were so-]
"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU DAMN SHAMELESS IMBECILE!"
Later
Occult Research Club
Rias stared owlishly into the clubroom. Inside, her peerage sat in waiting. Kiba, her knight, sat comfortably on the couch next to Shirone—the girl's attention captured by the basket of sweets in her lap. Standing next to them was her bishop, Akeno, the Yamato Nanashiko, standing tall next to her desk.
And in the middle of the room, suspended from the ceiling in a perfect shibari rope technique, was her Queen—naked aside from the blue boxers covering his modesty. Red lines covered his body, and if it weren't for the way he still smiled despite the bruises, she would have worried for his well-being. But alas, this was her Queen, the idiot she was in love with, and he was now looking right at her.
[Ah, the King has returned.]
"...Do I even want to know what's going on?" Rias asked flatly.
"Ufufufu, your Queen has been a very naughty boy lately." Akeno answered. "Last week he spread a very nasty roomer about me, so I am taking it up on myself to give him bit of 'discipline'."
[But is it really a roomer if it's truYYYYEOWCH!] faster than the eye could blink, her bishop pulled out a whip from behind her and lashed it against the Queen—a new mark appearing unseen behind his left tricep. It truly happened so fast that Rias didn't know if she had imagined it or not. Didn't help Akeno looked as innocent as before she'd struck her Queen.
"As you can see, he's learning his lesson."
"Be careful not to hurt our Queen too much, Akeno-san. It would be a shame if he weren't able to complete contracts or his Queenly duties because of this, no?" Kiba spoke up in Misogi's defense, Rias believing her knight to be coming to her Queen's defense. "Aim for the back next time. It's easier to cover up than the limbs."
"Ufufufu, my aim isn't very good yet, Kiba-kun. Maybe you can help better it at a later time?"
"I would be honored to."
[Oh! Can I join? I promise to be-]
*WHIP*
[YYYYYEOWCH!]
"That one was a bit better, but you have to flick your wrist to cause more damage. It also leaves a deeper imprint into the skin."
*WHIP*
[AH!]
"Oh my, you're right. The marks are a lot darker, and his screams are also louder. I feel the fruits of my labor sprouting."
"I see you're a natural."
"Ufufu, you're just a good teacher, Kiba-kun."
"I live to please."
[Th-this is actually getting kinda uncomf-]
*WHIP*
[AH!]
"...I'm surrounded by perverts." Shirone summed up Rias's thoughts, yet she wasn't exactly sure if the nekosho included her in that statement or not. Well, if she knew exactly who she was about to include in her peerage, then she was definitely not too far from that statement.
On that thought, the Gremory looked to her left at the slightest show of movement.
What she found was a box.
Now, that itself wasn't cause for worry or attention. Someone could have simply left it there and forgotten to throw it away. However, the fact that it had two round slots in the from big enough to fit a 500 yen coin, combined with the fact that it was shivering and whimpering, made Rias pay extra attention to it. Eventually, she walked up to the box—its occupant completely unaware of her presence.
"Gasper?" The box jumped five feet in the air at her voice, somehow landing back gracefully before the eye slots were looking right up at her.
"B-Buchou?" Rias smiled at the box, kneeling down so he didn't have to look up to her and unintentionally flashing the talking box in the process.
"I'm happy to see you out of your room." The Gremory said truthfully, to which the eye holes crinkled upwards in joy as if the box itself was alive.
"Well, I-I really wanted to impress Misogi-sensei with my progress, but-"
*WHIP*
The sound of the whip followed by a scream had the box shivering once more, the slots now turned down in a show of fear.
"Buchou, w-w-why are they hurting Sensei? D-d-did he do something wrong?"
"...It's complicated." Rias said flatly, ignoring the screams and sounds coming from behind her.
"Y-you have to help him, Buchou! H-h-he wouldn't do anything bad! M-m-misogi-sensei is a good person, Buchou! I know it!"
Rias's expression softened at her young vampire. She could almost feel her heart melt, the same as when her nephew would plead with her for a piece of candy before dinner. He was a cute boy with a sweet soul.
Her Queen on the other hand...
"Say, Gasper, since you're out of your room, how's about we go out for a bit? We can go get that game you always wanted." Rias dodged, the box now looking up at her with hope.
"R-really?"
"Really." The Gremory smiled. "We can have tea and snacks in your room afterwards, as well. Does that sound like fun?"
"C-can Shirone come too?"
"If she wants."
"What about Lavenza?"
"N-not this time."
"C-c-can we get the chocolate-covered strawberries this time?"
"Anything you want."
[Oh! Can we go to the Manga shop while we're out?]
Gasper leaped into the air once again at the new voice. Looking over her shoulder, Rias found her Queen—completely dressed and without a mark on him. Looking further back, she noticed the now-hanging ropes without a man entangled in them and an immensely confused Akeno wondering where her toy had gone.
"Misogi-sensei!" Gasper cheered, the box leaping into her Queen's open arms. Misogi easily caught him, a smile on his face as he patted the box's back.
[You're finally out of your room, huh? Glad to see it! I knew your training would pay off sooner or later!]
"I-it's all because of you, Misogi-sensei! I-I think I'm really close to becoming a real man now."
[Oh stop it, you. You're gonna make me blush! We're only at the beginning. The next part is the hardest.]
"Wh-what?! It's going to get even harder?!"
"In this society, only the best men are worth anything, my student. Those who work hard are granted valor but are often maidenless, while those who cheat often prosper! And you, what are you again, my student?]
"A-a cheat?"
[BINGO!]
"B-but you're a cheat too, Sensei, yet you're still maidenless."
[We're not talking about me, we're talking about you! Now, what is our moto again?]
"I-I'd rather be a loser than a sh-shitty Shonen protagonist!"
[What was that? I couldn't hear you?]
[I-I'D RATHER BE A LOSER THAN A SHITTY SHONEN PROTAGONIST!]
[*Sniff* I am so proud to call you my student.]
"Ufufufu, it seems our worthless Queen isn't so worthless after all."
"...I'm surrounded by idiots."
Rias watched the interactions of her peerage, not for the first time wondering what this 'training' entailed and how it was able to do what she couldn't for years.
Nevertheless, she was grateful. Her peerage was, quirky, but she wouldn't trade them for the world.
That's how she knew she had the perfect family.
A/N: Aaaaaah, Crack with plot, this is. I introduced the peerage, and I just want to say that Misogi's presence changed a LOT. I may or may not go through all those changes in future chapters, but more than likely, they will only be mentioned briefly.
Just thought I should add a chapter of two, seeing that I left this with only 3k words for people to get a taste of. Will drop maybe 3 more before December to see where things stand.
P.S. Yes, Misogi already has a peerage.