Confirming the door code sent to her by Mr. Finch, Danielle entered the Victorian-style building. Certain that the access would expire in a few hours, she looked into the living area, in which John was sitting in front of a solid wooden table, looking up from a notebook.
"That's what I call an impressive apartment", she said, examining the ornaments on the ceiling as well as the dark brown wooden floor.
"Looks like Finch doesn't just demonstrate a weakness for style when it comes to his clothing choices", John replied with a raised eyebrow.
Allowing her gaze to wander into the adjoining rooms, she too went over to the sofa on which he sat.
"Speaking of Mr. Finch. Wasn´t he meant to be here too?", she asked, a mixture of confusion and concern in her voice.
"That was the plan at least. Unfortunately, it's a bit more stressful than we initially expected, so he's needed elsewhere."
Danielle frowned. "Have you ever considered expansion? New employees could solve the problem."
John smiled. "I think at this point Harold would say something like good staff is hard to find.
Now it was Danielle who couldn't help but smile.
"I suppose so."
"But what about you?", he changed the subject. "If I remember correctly, you considered changing jobs. Admittedly, it caught me by surprise to still have seen you at LabTech."
Not sure why his words made her feel double-edged, she avoided his gaze.
It´s still my intention. In about two month I'll be finishing my Spanish refresher class. Afterwards I´m having a job offer already."
Reaching for her cell phone, she opened a website.
"This project takes care of the medical and social needs of homeless- and socially disadvantaged people. It may be children with difficult backgrounds, or a homeless person who needs minor medical care. After reaching out to the project manager, she let me know that they are desperately looking for employees because hardly anyone wants to do the job. First, I would work as an assistant for a supervisor. In any case, I could actually make a difference right from the start; a positive change in someone's life, no matter how small", she summarized her motivations.
Watching her counterpart examine the page more closely, her thoughts returned to the actual problem, which bothered her more than she liked to admit.
"And yet you are hesitating", John voiced the statement which Danielle had negated for month already.
Looking back at him again, she took a moment to consider her words.
"Probably it sounds crazy to you but as much as I want a meaningful job, the step of leaving a safe comfort zone scares me. When I came to New York at 17, I didn't know if I would be able to build a life here. Maybe it was nothing more than a stroke of luck that after a few badly paid temporary jobs, LabTech of all people helped me to get there. A new beginning would also mean another leap into the unknown. You might call me a coward, but I'm not sure if I'll have the courage to do it again."
For a few seconds an awkward silence filled the room before John took the word in a calm tone.
"A desire for stability is not coward. In one way or another, probably everyone is looking for it. The question, however is, if this safety will fulfill you on the long run. If so, then choose security. If not, don't waste your time holding on to something that you will regret in a few years. What I´ve learned is that this feeling usually is worse than any fear could ever be."
Pondering his words that somehow sounded so much deeper than talking about a profession, Danielle took a deep breath.
"Maybe you are right that I should stop getting in my own way and just do what makes me happy instead", she smiled. "Anyway, you're not here to listen to me whining about decision problems", she nodded in the direction of the laptop. "Why did Mr. Finch want to see me?"
For a moment also John seemed to gather himself before putting his focus back on the screen.
"Apparently there has been a conflict between Brianna Hastings and a Benjamin Cartright in the past few weeks", he resumed the actual reason for the meeting. "Do you know the reason of their disagreement?"
"Cartright? This guy is a complete fool. He joined the Team approximately about two years ago. He´s working as a scientific assistant but acts as if he´s the boss of each and every project. I´m not even sure if there is any person who likes him."
"In some emails to your co-worker, he speaks of potential for improvement in relation to GeneX", John pointed to another screen clip.
Danielle raised an eyebrow. "Don't take it seriously. The product was Brianna's idea alone and she would never launch something without putting it through her paces. Cartright seems to consider himself to be God's gift to science and not only that. Even with me he tried to initiate so-called optimization measures for the office process", she emphasized the words like an insult. "In my opinion, this guy would do anything to finally make it big in front of a scientific audience."
Thinking for a moment about her own conclusion, she added with a sudden flatness in her voice: "do you think he...?"
"If that's the case, we'll forestall him."
Trying to organize her thoughts, Danielle scanned the sparsely furnished room again.
Appropriate as a temporary shelter and yet expandable, she summarized her thoughts in an old habit.
"Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe I should have talked to Bri much sooner. The change in her demeanor, which became more and more dogged and goal-oriented, was unmistakable and yet...", she paused. „…I guess, I simply was glad that I no longer had to make up fairy tales about her questions in regard of my personal life."
Locking her fingers so tightly that her knuckles turned white, it was John's hand that wrapped hers reassuringly.
"Occasionally there are things we need to keep to ourselves in order to protect not only our own privacy but also others", he stated, not just in reference to her, Danielle suspected.
"Probably you are not that wrong about it, considering that I'm only so open with you because you know pretty much anything about me anyway", she smirked.
Silent for a moment in mutual agreement, John turned his attention back to the screen.
"Did your colleague mention something else about Cartright? Overt threats or anything out of the ordinary that went beyond the normal issues?"
Danielle shook her head. "As I said, since her break up with David, she's became more and more withdrawn. Only today did I find out that the main reason for the separation was the intensive work on her project, which she had been researching for longer than I knew."
Reviewing the conversation in her memory, she continued. "Just two years ago, the two had talked about family planning. But if she decided against it at 35, it must have been a very conscious admission of being pro-work and anti-family. Not every relationship can withstand that", she directed her thoughts more to herself than to her counterpart.
For a while, renewed silence filled the room in which each of them seemed to be lost in thoughts.
"What about you? With your fresh start and everything possible, have you ever thought about that option?"
The question that hit her all unexpected made Danielle freeze in surprise.
"Honestly, I don't know if I´m meant for this", she admitted. "Due to my years of constant hide-and-seek, the question never arose anyway. I mean, what should I have said to a potential partner? That I'm not the person I pretend to be? That I would never be able to fully open up to him?"
Shaking her head again, she continued: "How could I ask someone to settle for only a part of me or even to put up with danger if necessary? And for now… maybe I´m just scared of the unknown or so used to be on my own, that something different is hard to imagine. It's arguably the price you pay for a decision from which, until recently, there was no turning back."
Averting his gaze, who was resting on hers patiently, she shrugged.
"Besides, I'm not very good at such things. Apart from the typical teenhood flirtation and two… or three… mistakes, which I'm now wondering what I wanted to prove to myself, I'm about as predestined when it comes to relationships as I am in solving the Math Olympiad. Probably, even an ordinary date would make me sweat more than making up a distraction scene for some armed idiots in the Loggia", she added with a brief grin.
Noticing how a smirk spread across her counterparts´ face, she changed her sitting position.
"What about you? Haven't you ever considered to stop being beaten up, shot at, or god knows what else and start a family instead?"
This time it was John who avoided her gaze; who seemed to struggle with himself for a moment.
"Every time I see a happy family", he finally replied in a way that seemed more like an admission to himself rather to her.
"So why don´t you go for it then?"
"Maybe our reasons aren't all that different, except for their motives."
Pausing for another moment, he seemed to consider his words.
"What if what I do is the only thing I am good at? What if my past keeps catching up and I put those I care about in danger? What if I lose them due to that in one or the other way?"
For a few seconds the words seemed to hover over their heads like a Damocles sword before a smile eventually appeared on Danielle´s face.
"I think you are able of a lot more than you think", she stated with a deep conviction in her voice. "As you said yourself, sometimes it's just our irrational fears that hold us back. It may sound strange to you, but for some reason I am convinced that certain people and situations in our lives are predestined. So, if you are open to find that one person, you will find her sooner or later. It will just feel… right and all your doubts will be gone."
Considering her words for a while, John's expression revealed nothing of what was on his mind.
"That's a nice thought", he eventually replied.
Danielle couldn't help but smile. "Sometimes even I have my lucid moments."
A short time later they said goodbye. While she herself was preparing for the exams of her course, it was time for John to take up his observation post. Knowing that this would not be their last conversation regarding Brianna Hastings case, he told her Hasta Pronto - see you soon before the door closed behind him.