Hello world!
Hahaha. Here I was talking about getting the chapter out before the 1 year mark AS A JOKE, and it's been 2 years. No words. But it's finally here! Yay?
Really hope you enjoy!
"Shizuka-chan, you're going to burn a hole through me." The girl looked up into his emerald eyes and scoffed seeing how they sparkled in mischief.
"So?" she answered defiantly, but after a second took her intrusive glare off of the first division captain, and sped up, leaving him behind.
"Wait for me," she heard a huff, and turned towards Okita. He was smiling at her with triumph, and she let out a long sigh of exhaustion. In response his grin got even wider.
She was trying her hardest to treat Souji as always, and for the most part it was working out fine; their already established bickering dynamic remained the same. But at times she'd slip. He seemed oblivious, but she was almost sure that he noticed the slight change of her attitude towards him. As for him, he wasn't really acting any different, except for one thing - his teasing behaviours increased tremendously. Just like a moment before, he would call her out on staring, or paying more attention to him than usual. And it wasn't really hard to catch her in the act, considering that Shizuka was subtle about it only sometimes, and often she wasn't subtle at all.
Damn it, why is it so cold today? she wondered, her eyes unconsciously drawn towards Okita again, checking for any signs of discomfort. Today he was on patrol duty, and she decided to tag along. Shizuka wanted to keep an eye on him, but of course she did not tell him that. Once she looked away, her gaze began mindlessly traveling as she got lost in her thoughts, all of them concerning the man in front of her.
At once she felt a poke on her shoulder.
"There," Okita said, pointing to their right with his chin. "A dango stand." She looked at it, feigning interest as best as she could.
"Oh, right. Great." Her attempt was mediocre to say the least, and Souji looked at her curiously.
"For somebody who was craving it so bad just a moment ago, you sure seem excited," he pointed out, his remark dripping with sarcasm.
The concern she had for him and his health was at times making her do irrational things, for example telling lies like the one that led to the current situation. And this time too, she felt like he was perfectly aware of the fact that her sudden urge for snacks was completely made up. But save for a snarky comment, he didn't have much of a reaction.
There were two reasons why she was trying her hardest to treat him as always. One: pride. After facing so many rejections, she didn't want to show vulnerability. The second reason, or more accurately the core of the entire problem, and the cause of her stubborn pride was fear. She was scared that he would build up a wall again had she pushed him too far. She was scared that he would become hurtful again, ruining a fragile peace between them. But most of all, she was scared that after refusing her help he would be alone, left to bear the burden of his secret all by himself, which he would without a doubt do. She had no idea how much of that Okita had figured out, but he never said anything, as if accepting the terms of the silent agreement that had somehow formed between the two. And she too intended to keep it for as long as she could.
She stepped towards the stand, followed by Okita's doubtful gaze, and quickly bought two portions of dango. Ignoring him completely, she rejoined the troops, a skewer in each hand. Despite the fact that dango was just an excuse to go with him, once Shizuka took the first bite, her eyes closed in contentment, a delighted squeal escaping her mouth. It's been a while since she had one, so the snack tasted truly amazing. She chose the sweetest variant, her favourite one.
"Is it really that good?" Souji questioned, eyeing the dango in her hand with suspicion.
"You've never had one?"
"I have, quite a long time ago. But I'm not really a fan, especially of this one," he said, pointing at the dango she was holding. "You chose the sweetest one there is."
"Well obviously. The sweeter, the better." He just mouthed 'yuck' in response, and she rolled her eyes before narrowing them in confusion.
"Wait a second. You don't like sweets? How is this a thing?"
"What's so weird about it?" She looked at him pensively.
"From what I recall, you've eaten candy on multiple occasions. And you seemed to enjoy it too."
"When have I ever?" Okita said, and she sighed impatiently.
"Oh, c'mon! You've had some many times! Whenever Kondou-san brings…" she trailed off, having realised the reason behind his unfounded flip-flopping just as the words left her mouth.
"Oooh… So that's why."
Kondou had a giant sweet tooth, and since he liked to buy candy when away on business (and stash it in various places in the kitchen), he would often distribute it between the captains. Shizuka was more than happy to eat some sweets from time to time, and the men too seemed to enjoy some occasional snacks with the tea. She thought that they all liked sweets, since she's never heard anyone express their dislike.
"What do you mean?" Okita asked, feigning ignorance.
"It's not about the sweets. It's about who's bringing them," she pointed out with a victorious grin. Since she hit the nail on the head, Souji didn't really have any way of retorting. He returned the smirk without a word, letting her win. Content with her victory, Shizuka took another bite of her dango, a pleased expression gracing her face. She didn't even notice that the troops moved more to the front, and she was left alone with Souji, who was matching her slow pace.
Very soon the first skewer was empty, and she focused her attention on the second one. Before she started eating though, she glanced at Okita.
"Wanna try? Maybe you'll change your mind?" He turned to her, cocking his head to the side.
"You sure? It didn't seem like you'd be willing to share," he said, eyeing the bare skewer with a crooked smile.
"Do you want it or not?" Shizuka exclaimed. She moved the snack towards him, and he almost recoiled, making her scoff.
"You can try it. But only one! The rest is mine," she said with a childlike wilfulness.
"It's covered in glaze. I'm not grabbing that with my hands, it'll be too sticky," he answered, mimicking her tone, and for the second time today she rolled her eyes at his behaviour. Then she raised her hand closer to his mouth.
"Then say 'aaah',' Shizuka said in an overly saccharine voice, a ridiculing spark in her eye.
She wasn't sure whether he'd take up the challenge or not, but after just a second of hesitation he leaned in, and despite half-expecting him to play along she still got caught off guard, her eyes widening briefly. His own eyes were fixed on hers, and he moved his head so close that their foreheads were almost touching. Unconsciously, her hand moved back, so he grabbed it gently, and directed it towards his mouth. Then, without breaking eye contact, Souji took one part of the dango off of the skewer. An unfamiliar warmth spread through her body, mixing with the nervousness she felt; then she found herself smiling at him.
"And? What do you think?" the girl said, her voice low and with a hint of playfulness to it. Okita's eyes softened, and she noticed a strange glint she'd never seen in them before. She completely forgot about the patrol, the troops, the passersby, everything.
"Sweet," he answered as quietly as her, and it seemed like he wasn't talking about the snack he just tasted at all. She felt her cheeks redden slightly. "Too sweet." He leaned in once more, and took another bite. "But I can't help myself wanting to try more," Okita murmured, and wiped the residue glaze off of his upper lip with his thumb.
"You were supposed to take only one," she said, but her tone and expression were belying the scolding words. He smiled at her a pleasant smile that made her heart skip a beat.
"My apologies."
They were looking at each other in silence for a charged moment. Shizuka felt like she was under some sort of spell that made her unable to look away. And truth be told, she didn't want to either. Okita seemed to be similarly unwilling to end whatever it was that was happening. Moreover, she was under the impression that he was inching closer.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" a sharp yell entered their little world, and after that the rest of the sounds returned too. Souji finally peeled his eyes off of Shizuka, albeit very reluctantly, and glanced in the direction of shouting. She blinked a few times, half-annoyed, half-grateful for the distraction, and also looked at the commotion.
"Don't you know who we are? We are the soldiers of this country!"
"You dare to stop us?"
"Why don't you mind your own goddamn business, girly?" the man sneered at a young, dark-haired girl. He was a member of a small bunch, and Shizuka noticed that they were treating the street like their property, pushing over random citizens, and yelling profanities. Behind the woman was a small child, and Shizuka figured that she must've protected them from whatever the men tried to do to them.
"So that you can bully children? I don't think so," the girl scoffed, refusing to budge. The ronin was growing increasingly more agitated, making Shizuka worried for the safety of the girl and the child.
"Shizuka," Souji said, but she was already moving. Abandoning the dango, she made her way toward the arguing group in a flash, and shielded the woman precautionarily. Then she glared up at the men in front of her.
"Do you have a problem with the lady?" she asked in a tone of mocking politeness.
"What's it to you? Wanna get a beating?"
"Seems to me that you're in need of one yourself."
"Y-you…" the man stuttered in offense.
"You're what? 'Soldiers of this country'? Yet here you are, tormenting women and children. How exactly are you benefitting the country by doing that, bastards?"
"I'm gonna rip you apart, you fucker!" the ronin roared angrily, and in the corner of her eye she noticed that his hand traveled towards the hilt of his sword. She took a tiny step back, positioning herself slightly sideways, and readied herself for the attack.
But before the man could even unsheathe his weapon, a hand stopped him, trapping his arm in an iron grip.
"Now, let us not inconvenience other people, hm?" Okita spoke up calmly. The moment the man saw the characteristic blue robe, and then more Shinsengumi behind the captain, his fighting spirit died down, and he backed away without much struggle. Once the problematic group left, and Souji dispatched few of the soldiers to follow them, he turned to Shizuka, his eyes narrowed unpleasantly.
"Shizuka-chan, I believe I told you before not to run off like that." She shrugged, completely unfazed.
"What am I, a kid? And besides, you were nearby." She glanced over his shoulder at the retreating ronins.
"Still, you should've waited for me," he continued to scold her, and she let out a sigh.
"I had it under control," she murmured, and Okita just rolled his eyes.
"No, I had it under control," a new voice interrupted their argument, and they both looked at its owner. "That was incredibly reckless of you, my dear." My dear? Shizuka thought, surprised by the sudden bluntness. The girl glanced behind her, but the little boy had already run off. Then she looked back at Shizuka, and offered her a charming smile. "But you did save me, so for that you have my thanks."
"Ah, I didn't really…" Shizuka trailed off, and then gave Okita, who was next to her, a stink eye. "You should thank him, and his impeccable timing," she said in mock praise. The captain chuckled, provoking an exasperated grunt. The unknown lady seemed to be surprised by Souji and Shizuka's banter, her gaze going back and forth unsurely between the two.
"Oh, don't be so modest now," she said, focusing on the girl. "That was very courageous. Most people would just look away." She looked around briefly with a sigh. "As they did." Then her eyes went back to face Shizuka, a small smile adorning her face. "Anyway, thank you again. This city can be so dangerous sometimes, so we young ladies must help each other out." Shizuka stared at her, unable to form a response. She has just been exposed.
"Uh…" she stammered, and Okita giggled again.
"I guess your top-notch disguise can't fool everybody," he teased, and patted her on the shoulder, earning a particularly murderous glare. The girl seemed to have realised her misspeak, and apologised quickly.
"Oh, I had no idea it was supposed to be a secret. I shouldn't have spoken so thoughtlessly, forgive me." Shizuka, having gotten over the shock, waved her hand dismissively.
"It's not every day that you meet a girl who's running around dressed like a man. You couldn't have known," she said, but the lady still looked somewhat disheartened. "It's fine, really." Shizuka smiled at the stranger reassuringly, and after a moment the girl returned the gesture. Then she gasped, and shook her head as if in disbelief.
"How impolite of me! I completely forgot to ask you for your name! Is it alright for my saviour to disclose who she is?" Shizuka chuckled at the lady's cute behaviour, and offered her a little bow.
"My name is Yukimura Shizuka." The girl's eyes widened momentarily, but it was too brief for Shizuka to put much meaning behind it.
"And my name is Sen. It's a pleasure to meet you, Shizuka-chan." Sen put a palm over her mouth. "Oh, is it alright to call you by your first name? We seem to be of similar age."
"It's quite alright, Sen," Shizuka responded with a smile, and Sen beamed at her.
"I have matters to attend to at the moment, but could we perhaps meet soon? I would really like to see you again, Shizuka," the girl said, stepping closer. Shizuka glanced over at Okita briefly before looking at Sen with a doubtful expression.
"Oh, I am not sure…" she trailed off, thinking of an appropriate answer. I don't really know her… But she doesn't seem dangerous. Also, Shizuka didn't hate the idea of having a female friend. Her eyes landed on the first division captain again. His face was completely neutral, but she could see that he had his guard up, uncertain about the motives of their new acquaintance. Okay, let's not say too much.
"I'll see what I can do about it, and contact you. Does that sound okay?"
"Yes, splendid!" Sen exclaimed happily.
"But… how do I contact you?" the girl realised at once.
"Oh, you can find me right there," Sen gestured towards one of the streets, and Shizuka's eyes followed, widening as she noticed what Sen was pointing at.
"Shi-Shimabara district?"
"Correct." Her eyes darted momentarily towards Souji, a small grin appearing on her face. "I reside at Sumiya. You should know where it is, since it is very popular among the Shinsengumi."
"Yes, I've been there a few times too," Shizuka recalled.
"I'll be waiting to hear from you, then," Sen said, smiling earnestly. Then she excused herself, and disappeared in the crowd, Shizuka's eyes following. She cocked her head, intrigued and mighty confused.
"That was… bizarre," she murmured thoughtfully.
"Shizuka-chan," she heard Souji's voice and glanced back at him, dazed. "Let's get back. It's already way past our patrol time." Shizuka nodded and stepped closer to him.
The strange interaction with Sen redirected her thoughts briefly, but now that Shizuka and Souji were alone again, the memory of the intimate moment they've just shared came right back. She stole a glance at him but he was looking away, his eyes scanning the streets vigilantly. She decided to start with something neutral.
"Is my disguise really that bad?" she said, looking over her clothes. This caught his attention, and he gazed at her small silhouette, avoiding her eyes. He was pretending to be deep in thought, as if purposefully prolonging the silence to make her angry.
"Yes," she heard finally. The girl was sure he knew that this short of an answer, after this long of a pause would annoy her, but she decided to let it slide, since she was aiming for something else.
"Well that's just rude," she responded though, unable to let it go completely. He didn't pick up on her attempts at bickering, quite unlike himself, and she felt a pang of anxiety. They were walking in silence again.
"Damn, those bastards made me waste my dango," she spoke up again, trying to sound as casual as possible.
"Considering how much you love it, it really is a tragedy," he answered with an amused tone, but there was something off about it. He seemed to be aware that she was feeling him out, but there was more to it. The vague feeling of uneasiness strengthened. Nevertheless, she decided to push further.
"What about you? Still thinking it's too sweet?" He finally looked at her, and Shizuka paused in confusion, as his expression was something she had never seen with him before. He seemed… at a loss.
"I'm not sure. But I feel like I should stay away from such sweet things," he paused for a second, offering her a weak smirk. "For everybody's good." This time she was sure that his words had a double meaning to them. Shizuka was unsure how to reply to that, and Okita's wary gaze did not help in forming a proper response.
"Afraid too much sweetness would drive you crazy?" she challenged half-mockingly. He stepped closer and stopped right next to her, towering over her as he leaned in. She tensed, but did not let him see the nervousness that crept up her body.
"It just could," he said quietly, his eyes not leaving hers. Then he turned around on his heel and strolled away as if nothing happened. Shizuka on the other hand felt the heat rushing to her cheeks. What is he playing at?
"Oh, don't be so grumpy, Toshi," Shizuka heard Kondou's good-hearted laughter. "Winter does have its charms."
"Yes, freezing your ass off is indeed very charming," Hijikata said, a puff of white mist escaping his mouth. They were sitting on the stairs in front of the commander's room, and despite Hijikata's complaints, he seemed to be enjoying himself as much as Kondou. She made her way towards the men with a tray, and lowered it carefully in front of them.
"Here is your tea. And a little something." She beamed at Kondou and emptied the tray, putting a plate with snacks next to the two cups.
"Oh, perfect! Thank you so much, Yukimura," the commander said, his own mouth relaxing into a pleasant smile. "A cup of warm tea is exactly what we need." He looked up at her, and patted a spot between him and Hijikata. "Why don't you join us? Oh, but there's no tea for you… I'll go and get-"
"No, there is no need. I just drank some," Shizuka told him hurriedly, offering a little white lie. The fact that after giving her the task of bringing the tea Kondou was more than willing to go and fetch more for her himself was a perfect show of his sometimes silly, yet earnest and lovely character. She smiled at her thoughts, and then glanced briefly at Hijikata, unsure if it would be alright for her to join. What if they're talking about something confidential? The man caught her stare and beckoned her to sit down, so she did so after another moment of deliberation. Then, without a word, he pushed the plate with the sweets closer towards her, almost making her chuckle.
"Thanks," she said, and grabbed one of the wagashi.
For a longer while they were discussing the most mundane things, like the cold weather, yesterday's dinner, or Shinpachi and Heisuke's latest antics. It was mainly Kondou who was doing the talking, but Shizuka was trying her best to assist him. Hijikata was sipping his tea, and spoke up only from time to time; he was mostly listening to the exchange between the commander and the girl.
Kondou shivered unduly, and crossed his arms on the chest.
"I feel like it's going to snow soon."
"It's only October," Shizuka pointed out, but without much conviction. It was clear that she was just as cold as the commander. She didn't take notice when it had happened, but the three of them appeared to be much closer to each other than initially. She figured that their bodies must've unconsciously searched for warmth. It was freezing, the plate with sweets was already empty - mostly thanks to her - and the tea grew cold, but somehow none of them seemed to be in a hurry to leave.
"Souji doesn't really like winter," Kondou said absentmindedly, and Shizuka tensed at the mention of the first division captain. The commander then turned to Hijikata. "His cold is definitely going to get worse in this weather." She looked up just in time to see the man's strained wince, his lips pressed into a thin line. He got his expression under control almost immediately, but Kondou also managed to catch it. Something akin to a whimper left his mouth, and Shizuka's heart ached painfully at the sound.
"I'm worried about him," he confessed, his voice weak and depressed. "Doctor Matsumoto assured me that he's doing all he can to help him with this cold, but…". The silence that fell between them felt almost nauseating. Shizuka's insides were twisted into an uncomfortable knot, the weight of Okita's secret almost burning a hole in her chest. She felt incredibly guilty towards Kondou. She swallowed hard, biting her lip, and struggled to control her unsteady breathing. In this moment she was grateful for the cold, because thanks to it the visible shaking of her body could be easily explained.
"He's going to be fine," Hijikata said with a sure and unwavering tone. Kondou glanced at the vice commander briefly, and his expression slowly cleared up, as the certainty of that statement brought him much needed comfort. He sighed, as if shaking off the sadness. Shizuka had a harder time believing Hijikata's words, but after a moment she managed to numb her mind to most of the negative thoughts.
"Of course he's going to be fine." A little smile appeared on Kondou's face. "He must be. Otherwise Mitsu-chan is going to kill me."
"And I'll die right after," the vice commander murmured. Shizuka's curious stare darted back and forth between the two men, and having noticed it, Kondou decided to elaborate.
"Mitsu-chan is Souji's older sister. Her temper is…"
"She's as intense as Shinpachi and Heisuke combined, but without the stupidity." Hijikata's remark made her snort in amusement, then humm thoughtfully, as she was trying to imagine what Souji's infamous sibling was like.
"She is quite fierce," Kondou finally agreed. "When I first decided to take Souji under my wing she was very much against the idea. He had to plead and plead with her, and after she finally agreed I received the most stern earful in my life." Kondou chuckled at the memory, and though there was a hint of wariness in his eyes, he seemed to be holding Souji's sister in the highest regard.
"An earful and also not very well hidden threats," Hijikata added. "As Souji's senior I got caught in the crossfire. Would rather fight an army of rasetsu by myself than deal with Mitsu again." In contrast to Kondou's conflicted emotions when it came to Souji's sister, Hijikata's expression was implying only dread. To have the demon vice commander shudder at the mention of her… She must truly be amazing, Shizuka thought, enjoying Hijikata's grimace a tad too much.
At once, they heard footsteps echoing down one of the adjacent corridors. Whoever it was, they were clearly heading towards them, so they all looked over in unison just as the silhouette appeared from behind the corner.
"Oh, Kondou-san," Heisuke exclaimed, surprised to find the commander sitting outside. "And Hijikata-san's here too… I was looking for you everywhere! Have you seen Shizuka-chan by-" having heard her name, Shizuka leaned forward slightly, making herself seen, and waved at him with a smile. "Hey, there you are!" Heisuke beamed at her in response.
"What's up?" she asked.
"Inoue-san told me to get you all. Dinner's ready." Hearing that, the three of them stood up, and together with Heisuke they made their way towards the common room.
The sound of Nagakura's voice reached their ears even before they arrived at the destination.
"What's with all the ruckus…" Hijikata grumbled unpleasantly. They opened the door just as the second division captain was complaining to Harada.
"Ah, some sake would go just perfectly with this fish." He took a handsome bite of his food, and sighed heavily. Harada noticed Hijikata, so he refrained from commenting on Nagakura's whinings nor did he stop him. The man continued to talk in a similar manner, and the vice commander's expression was growing more sour with each word. Shizuka quietly sat down on her usual spot, and Harada quickly scooted closer to her and away from his friend.
"He's so gonna get it," he said in a low voice.
"Any second now," Shizuka whispered back, and Harada chuckled at her response.
"Maybe we'll have just one cup?" Shinpachi said. "What do you say, Sa-" he began, turning to Harada, but in that moment he noticed a tall figure looming over him, and gulped audibly, realising who it was. "Hijikata-san, I was joking around. I have a patrol in the morning, of course I would not drink anything." Shinpachi was fumbling through his utterances, and Hijikata continued to stare at him unappreciatively. Shizuka had her fingers to her nose to somewhat conceal her amusement, but Harada and Heisuke were a lot less subtle, and were snickering openly.
"You can drink until you pass out for all I care. But in turn I'll have you patrolling the streets at the crack. Of. Dawn," he spoke up finally, delivering the words in an eerily calm voice. "And I am not joking around." Shinpachi lost all of his steam, and lowered his head in defeat.
"I'm not drinking," he mumbled, and a wave of chuckles erupted on his right. The man glared at Heisuke briefly, but it was Harada who received the lion's share of the venom in his eyes. "Traitor," he mouthed, taking notice of how his friend moved away from him in order to avoid the scolding. The traitor in question simply shrugged with a grin, and then patted Shinpachi on the shoulder to appease him a bit. Shizuka glanced at Hijikata, who sat at his spot in the meantime, and she spotted a little, barely noticeable smirk. What a demon, she thought with a snort.
After the meal most of the captains decided to retire for the day. Only Hijikata, Inoue and Kondou remained in the common room, but they seemed to have something important to discuss. Shizuka's eyes followed Okita, who exited the room and walked away to his own quarters. Stop! Why the hell would I worry about him? He keeps toying with me. Enough is enough, she decided. With a small sigh she also stood up, and left. Nagakura, Harada and Todou joined her naturally, and together they were slowly walking towards her room.
"Ah, I'm beat," Heisuke yawned loudly, stretching his arms.
"Me too," Harada agreed.
"And I'm not! I wanted to…" he looked around precautionarily. "To have a drink" he said in a small voice. The men chuckled at his antics. Shizuka on the other hand was lost in thoughts, many of them circling - against her better judgment - around a certain first division captain, and she failed to notice that Shinpachi slowed down. Just as he was turning around to face her, she walked right into him, and only her quick reflexes saved her face from meeting with the man's elbow.
"Oompf," she groaned, and quickly took a step back. "Sorry, Shinpachi-san. Didn't see you there." He looked at her in disbelief.
"You didn't see me? Didn't see me?!" He looked over himself, and patted his muscular torso, as if worried that it had disappeared. She rolled her eyes at that.
"Why did you turn around all of a sudden anyway?" she asked quickly to redirect his thoughts.
"You were being kinda quiet," he said, and she looked up at him surprised.
"Ah… I guess I'm pretty tired too." Shinpachi nodded in understanding, and resumed his walk.
"Let's get you to your room then." After a moment he looked over his shoulder with a snarky grin. He seemed to have remembered something.
"But what's with the sudden clumsiness, Shizuka? Just a few days ago you were all graceful, fooling everybody, and now what? I guess clothes do make a person after all." She glared at him, but his smile didn't disappear.
"Wow, how rude, Shinpachi-san! Shizuka-chan's great, fancy clothes or not!" Heisuke exclaimed protectively, making both men look back at him. The girl put her hand on the boy's shoulder, and offered him a grateful smile. Then she stepped towards Shinpachi.
"Oh, I can show you graceful," she said, mimicking Hijikata's ominous tone, and her hand rested on the hilt of her sword. It seemed to be working, because as she was getting closer, Nagakura's grin was slowly disappearing. "And after I do, you're going to regret ever being born." She offered him a chilling smile. "What do you say?" For a moment he was just staring at the girl, too shocked to say anything.
"Jeez, Shizuka… Why are you… acting so scary?" he finally stuttered out, and both Harada and Todou broke out in a loud laughter at their friend's panicked expression.
"Hmph," Shizuka concluded, pushing her ponytail back with an over the top gesture.
"You are something else," Sanosuke said, nudging her with his elbow. "You gotta teach me how to do it."
"Just channel your inner Hijikata-san," she said, and he chuckled in amusement. Then they both looked at Shinpachi. He was pouting, clearly upset that he's being made fun of.
"You're so mean, Shizuka-chan."
"Hey, you started it!" She glanced up at him, and patted him on the arm comfortingly. "Now, now. Don't be mad. I was just messing with you a little." A big smile addressed exclusively at Shinpachi quickly melted his anger away, and the group continued to walk down the corridor absorbed in lively chatter.
Soon the topic circled back to their last Shimabara trip; the men appeared to be unable to let that go.
"Ah, I wouldn't mind standing guard by some notice board again if it meant seeing you like that one more time," Harada said, gazing at Shizuka.
"What does one have to do with the other? It was the geikos who roped me into wearing that getup," she grumbled in exasperation, and he offered her an amused grin.
"Still. Just saying."
"Seeing how you keep bringing it up makes me regret agreeing in the first place." All three men immediately started arguing with her words, talking over each other as they were assuring that there needn't be any regrets on her part.
"It's just us marvelling over how pretty you looked, let us be," Sanosuke said finally, and she hit him on the arm.
"Shut up," she murmured bashfully, and in response he ruffled her hair, a fond smile playing on his lips.
"I'm never dressing up like that ever again," Shizuka said with conviction.
Some days later Shizuka was sitting on the futon, brushing her hair before going to sleep. As per usual these days, her thoughts were mostly focused on Okita. She was recalling how much he's eaten throughout the day, if he was coughing, and if he's strained himself in any way. Even after their last baffling talk she couldn't help but take note of that. Monitoring those little things became her habit, and she was slowly learning how to be covert about it.
After she was done with her hair, she fell down onto the futon with a heavy sigh. She remembered their last patrol again, for what seemed like a hundredth time, her eyes closing in annoyance. I just don't get him at all. Why is he being so hot and cold? It was nothing new that Okita's behaviour would often leave her puzzled, but recently he was acting even more confusing. It's been like this ever since that day… Is it because I know? Is he feeling me out? But then why did he…
She turned on her side. Her eyes closed and immediately the image of him getting closer, his playful smile and gentle gaze came to her mind. She felt her cheeks getting warmer.
"I just want to help. It's not like I want to…" she whispered to herself, her words trailing off, as she came to a realisation. What… do I want from him?
"I want…"
Before she could come to the conclusion though, the door to her room slid open with a loud thud. She sat down, reaching for the Dragon's Claw, which she always kept right by her hand when sleeping, but once she recognised the intruder, she paused.
"Sannan-san? What are you…" Shizuka looked at him, and seeing his unfocused gaze, she tensed in alarm. Is it… another fit?
"Sannan-san," she called out again, and this time he looked at her.
"Ochimizu is amazing," he said in an excited, yet somewhat distracted voice. It seemed like he was not fully aware of his surroundings. "That doctor knows nothing. I can make it perfect. I know I can. It is already spectacular as it is, but..." She realised that he was referring to the conversation they'd had with Matsumoto and Kondou some days ago. Was he that bothered by it? "You agree with me, don't you?" The way he looked at her sent a chill down her spine, but she decided to try and calm him down.
"Is everything alright? You look tired, Sannan-san." She stood up as slowly as possible as not to startle him, and took an equally slow step towards him. "Why don't you get some rest?"
"You think I can rest? It's like…" he snapped suddenly. Shivering, he pointed a finger at his head. "It feels like it's splitting open, and you want me to rest?" Shizuka nodded compassionately, and took another step.
"How about I'll brew you some chamomile tea? It'll help you relax and maybe ease the headache," she offered, taking a few more tentative steps towards him, but he scoffed and recoiled away.
"Do not do anything. You… You're just… You're as foolish as this doctor. The medicine… It's..." Sannan's gaze became even more distant and cloudy, and Shizuka knew all too well what it meant.
"Sannan-san, please," she started, but he didn't seem to hear her. Suddenly his head shot up, bloody redness flashing in his eyes. He was about to make his move, and Shizuka readied herself, but at that moment a figure appeared in the door and put his hand on Sannan's shoulder. Shizuka's alarmed stare met a pair of emerald eyes.
"Sannan-san, what is this? Going into a girl's room, and this late at night too? How bold of you," Okita said, tightening his grip ever so slightly. She glanced at Sannan. He seemed mostly confused and exhausted, but definitely not hostile anymore, and she sighed lightly in relief.
The other captains showed up seconds after Okita, traces of alertness and anxiety visible on each face.
"Sannan, what are you doing here? Why are you waking the kid up?" Hijikata said, moving past the others and stepping closer to the man.
"I…I…" Sannan looked around at everybody, then his eyes stopped on Hijikata. "I'm afraid I lost my way for a moment," he said finally, an out-of-place cheery note in his voice. "My mind feels a little hazy." Hijikata's face looked like a mask, but his eyes were clearly showing a whirlwind of emotions he felt. "I didn't mean to startle you, Yukimura," he said, but his expression did not match his words.
"You're sure you're alright?" Hijikata inquired, Sannan nodded in assurance.
"I am better than ever, besides the slight headache." Slight? He was losing it a moment ago… Shizuka thought, looking at him in shock. "As I said before, the medicine is working splendidly. And I'll make it even better…" The men looked over at each other unsurely, but the somber moment was broken by Hijikata, who began pushing them out of Shizuka's room.
"You okay?" Harada stepped towards her, putting a hand on her shoulder. She nodded, and offered him a tiny smile. "Get some sleep, then." He turned on his heel. "This doesn't look good," he murmured before joining the others outside.
Shizuka approached the door, and just as she was about to slide it shut she heard a well-known voice.
"You're saying ochimizu is effective?" Okita said and her eyes widened. Why is he curious about it? She left the door ajar ever so slightly, and peeked out.
"Of course. Just look at me, Okita-kun." Sannan quickly picked up on Souji's interest, and purposefully flexed his healed arm once the man's eyes fell on it.
Most of the captains were already halfway on the corridor, and only Sannan and Okita paused briefly in front of Shizuka's quarters, making her the sole witness to their conversation.
"Then what about… diseases? Would the medicine heal them too?" For a moment she froze in shock; then she barely managed to stop herself from leaving the room to yell his ears off. He can't be… There is no way he'd do that!
"I have no doubts it would be effective against all sorts of diseases," Sannan continued to sing praises of ochimizu, and it seemed that he didn't find Okita's sudden curiosity suspicious. Shizuka, however, was listening in with more and more dread.
Souji and Sannan finally moved away from her room, and she slumped against the door, her thoughts racing unbearably. It's not like he hasn't seen the rasetsu. He knows what that medicine does to people. He wouldn't do that. Would he? The image of Kondou popped into her head, and her eyes widened. For the Shinsengumi… For Kondou-san…
Without much thinking she stood up and rushed down the corridor. Her ears caught muffled noises which sounded like a conversation. She recognized Shinpachi's hyper way of talking, and slowed down slightly, careful not to be heard by the gathering in his room.
Once she entered the corridor where Souji's room was situated, she paused. The anger she initially felt upon hearing his and Sannan's conversation has subsided, and along with it so did most of her confidence. The only thing left was anguish. What am I even supposed to say to him? She was standing right by Okita's quarters, and fought with herself in silence for a brief moment. Just as she was realizing that this plan is a failure and was about to abandon it, the door to Souji's room opened and she found herself face to face with the first division captain himself. She shivered, caught completely off guard.
"What brings you here, Shizuka?"
"Ah, Souji-san. I-I was just… I wanted t-" she was tripping over her utterances, unable to form any coherent sentence for a good minute. She cleared her throat. "Were you asleep perhaps? Did I…"
"Your pacing would easily wake up even a dead man," he stated matter-of-factly, and she looked away in embarrassment. He must've taken mercy upon seeing her miserable expression, cause his own face softened up significantly. "No, I wasn't asleep yet." She nodded, and for a moment silence fell between them. Since I got caught, I guess I should just go ahead and ask. Already made enough of a fool of myself anyway… But how do I even start? Ah, whatever! Just say it!
"Souji-san. I happened to hear your conversation with Sannan-san an-"
"Ah, so you wanted to talk about that?" He waved his hand dismissively. "Don't think too much of it. I was just curious."
"Just curious? And why would you be curious about that?" He shrugged, irking her.
"No reason." Yeah right…
"I hope you didn't take him seriously. He clearly wasn't in the right state of mind."
"He looked fine to me," Souji spoke up, and she stared up at him in shock. Fine? How was that anywhere close to fine?
"Are you for real? He didn't even know how he got to my room. He was completely out of it."
"He might've been tired, that's all."
"His eyes were red, Souji-san!" she spat out in exasperation. "Why are you acting dumb all of a sudden? You clearly saw that he was about to lunge at me. You stopped him!"
"I wouldn't go that far," Okita said, and she could not bear it anymore. "He just seem-"
"I would. It was exactly the same as back then," she pointed out. "When he first took the medicine? Tonight he was just as unhinged as back then."
"I think you're overreacting, Shizuka-chan. You were startled, and might've seen wrong." He gestured at his eyes.
"I'm not blind! His eyes were red back then, and they were red just now!"
"And how do you know he was about to attack?"
"How do I… Please, you could sense his killing urge a mile away!"
Souji continued to counter every word she said, and she was listening to his musings with growing suspicion. His arguments have long stopped making sense, but he seemed to be dead set on convincing her that she's misread the situation, and that there is nothing wrong with Sannan. Unable to stand the gibberish he was spouting anymore, she laughed bitterly in the middle of his sentence. He fell silent at that.
"You sound an awful lot like Sannan-san himself right now." She stepped closer, her anger on the verge of bursting out. "So, before you were all happy to kill him, and now you want in on it? What has changed?" The question slipped out before she realized, its echo lingering between them, and she instantly regretted not biting herself in the tongue. He just looked at her, his eyes an insurmountable wall, but she knew what was going through his mind. Because she was thinking the same.
Everything has changed.
"I…" she stammered, all out of steam. "Souji-san, I'm s-"
"You should go back to your room, Shizuka-chan." He leaned in with a crooked smirk, and she looked up. "Or somebody might think that we're having a lovers' quarrel." His overall expression was jocular, but she knew him well enough to notice slight oddities, discrepancies that betrayed his true feelings. It was hidden in the tiniest strain of his jawline, the uncharacteristically muted spark in his eye, the corners of his lips not being upturned enough, and each of those differences felt like a punch to the gut. A small sigh escaped her mouth.
"Wouldn't want that kind of scandal," she said tiredly. Then she gave him a slight push in the direction of his room. He looked over at her in surprise. "Go in, it's cold."
Okita stepped into his room somewhat unsurely, and held her gaze for a while longer, the meaning of his a mystery to her. He finally looked away, and seeing that Shizuka retreated. She started towards her own quarters with a heavy heart, and a moment later heard his door closing. Just as she was turning the corner she felt somebody's presence right next to her. She looked up, startled, and her stare met a pair of emerald eyes. They were shining in mischief.
"Souji-san?"
"I changed my mind. Let's make people talk. I'll walk you to your room."
"What do you mean 'make people talk'?"
"I want that kind of scandal," Okita said with a wink, and she couldn't help but laugh.
"Just what kind of nonsense have you come up with this time?"
"Hijikata-san's no fun lately. I'm bored."
"No. You're incorrigible," she replied.
"You mean incorrigibly charming? Yes, I get that a lot." Shizuka stared at him for a moment, and then shook her head in resignation. She did not let it show on her face, but the improvement in his mood lifted her own spirits greatly. Despite the fact that he was playing it up a little - presumably for her sake - his smile and playful banter still seemed genuine, making her wonder about the reason behind this quick recovery.
"Nope, incorrigibly annoying," she countered, latching onto the chance at bickering. She was hoping to take his mind off of things that bothered him, even if only for a moment.
"Hm? What was that? You're immensely enjoying my company? Oh, Shizuka-chan, how sweet of you!"
"No, I said you're intensily destroying my good mood, Souji-san. Your hearing seems all over the place these days." She shook her head in faux frustration. He chuckled, then so did she, and they continued to talk silly nothings all the way to her room.
One evening, a few weeks after the incident with Sannan, Shizuka, the captains, and the spies gathered in the common room. While the men were wondering about the reason, she and Saito had a pretty good idea of why they'd been summoned so urgently. Once the tardy Heisuke arrived, Hijikata wasted no time, and summarised the issue swiftly.
"Yukimura's new acquaintance offered us interesting information regarding some suspicious individuals. They've been gathering in Sumiya a few times already, and we were provided with a date for their next meeting. It's in three days."
On the last patrol, when Shizuka was accompanying Saito, they met Sen, who had told them about the alarming movements of roshis. After they'd returned to the headquarters they went straight to Hijikata to report the news. Saito had been somewhat unsure about the source of the intel, but once Shizuka vouched for her, and mentioned that Souji had also met Sen - which he confirmed - Hijikata decided to trust the words of the lady. He promptly arranged the meeting of the captains.
"Haha, Shizuka has her own spy network now," Shinpachi said, and patted her arm.
"You might give Yamazaki a run for his money soon," Harada whispered to her, and she giggled. Yamazaki heard his name, and glanced at them briefly, so they offered him placating smiles.
"And put him out of a job." She elbowed his side lightly, making him snort. Shizuka looked around; everybody seemed impressed with her finding, and she pressed her lips together to suppress a satisfied grin.
Harada made another silly remark, and just as she was chuckling at that, her gaze fell on Okita briefly. His expression was neutral, but just as she was looking away to face the tenth division captain again, for the most fleeting of moments she could swear she saw a grimace of annoyance flash through his face. She had no clue as to why he would have such a reaction, but before she could have a better look at his face, he turned his head away from her, and fastened his stare on Kondou, who just spoke up. What the hell was that? she wondered in confusion.
"I am afraid we cannot go about this the usual way, isn't that right, Toshi?"
"Yes. We would all be instantly recognised, so there is no way we can infiltrate, even with the help of Shizuka's friend. We need to find a more inconspicuous approach to this…" his last words trailed off in a murmur and he went silent, losing himself in his thoughts.
"Inconspicuous, you say." Kondou also fell into a pensive mood. He looked over the people gathered in the room. "Any ideas, anyone?"
She considered the issue for a moment as well, but all she could think of was Sen, and just like Hijikata said, she would not be able to help the Shinsengumi stay incognito; they were too notorious for it to have any chance of working. She was at a loss, just like everybody else.
"Oh, that's just way too easy," Okita spoke up suddenly, and all heads turned to him.
"Do you have an idea, Souji?" Kondou said excitedly.
"Does he now?" Hijikata chimed in, skeptical.
"C'mon, Hijikata-san. How come you haven't figured it out yet?" Souji's comment earned a nasty glare from the addressee, but he remained silent, curiosity outweighing his ire. "We have the perfect person for the job, don't we?" His outstretched hand pointed in a certain direction, and the eyes of the other men followed. Shizuka's eyes on the other hand widened in shock.
"Shizuka-chan looked so convincing as a geiko last time, and I heard her say she'd like to dress up like that again sometime," he continued. She was staring holes through him, and the deeper the frown on her face got, the wider his smile grew. What? I'd like to dress up again? What is he on about now?
"Just what are you talk-" she started in a low, menacing voice, but got interrupted by Hijikata.
"This is… not a bad plan," he said, clearly surprised that Souji's input was useful for once. She gaped at him in disbelief for a moment, and then glanced at the others; to her dismay, everybody seemed to be on board with Okita's proposal.
"Indeed." Kondou agreed. "However, what matters most is whether Yukimura is okay with that." The chief turned to her, and though he was doing his best to look as neutral as possible so that she doesn't feel pressured, she could tell that he was just as enthusiastic about the idea as the captains. A poorly concealed sigh escaped her mouth. She hated to see Okita win, but truth be told this plan was probably the only viable option. She wanted to help the Shinsengumi in any way she could, so she pushed the thoughts of her upcoming discomfort to the back of the head. I guess there really is no other way, huh? In the corner of her eye she saw Souji - he seemed to be having the time of his life watching her squirm. She straightened her back and looked at him, unimpressed. Then her gaze met Kondou's.
"I will do it," she said, her voice strong and sure.
"So I guess we will be seeing you dressed up again after all, huh?" Harada murmured to her with a snicker, and leaned in trying to catch her reaction.
"Shut it," she hissed at him and pushed away his grinning face in exasperation, which only added to his amusement. Her eyes met with Souji's again, and for the second time tonight, she spotted a hint of displeasure in his features. What the? He was just on cloud nine when roping me into this, but now he's sulking? Just what is going on with him tonight?
"Thank you, Yukimura!" the commander beamed at her, redirecting her attention to him. His grin was contagious, and before she knew she was smiling back at him.
Once her approval had been officially obtained, Hijikata proceeded to discuss the details.
"First off all, we need to make sure that Shizuka's safe at all times," he said, and the men agreed readily. "Saito, Yamazaki, you will go with her and guard her." Third division captain and the spy nodded, but before Hijikata could go on with the planning, Heisuke spoke up.
"I want to go too! I want to protect Shizuka-chan as well!" Hijikata looked at him with such bottomless exhaustion in his eyes that Shizuka had a hard time holding in her giggle.
"What part of 'inconspicuous approach' did you not understand?"
"I can be inconspicuous!" Todou countered, but his loud voice did little to help his case.
"You are the very definition of conspicuous, you rowdy bastard! You're not going anywhere."
"Hijikata-san…"
"No!" Kondou's anxious gaze was darting between the vice commander and the eighth division captain; he was probably thinking about how to ease the tension. Heisuke noticed the commander's hesitation, and unleashed his best puppy eyes onto him. The older man cleared his throat, and turned to Hijikata, who, judging by his miserable expression, already knew what was coming.
"Toshi, I know that we should be as discreet as possible, but one more person won't make much difference. Hajime and Susumu can monitor the premises, while Heisuke stays close to Yukimura."
"Kondou-san…"
"I'll be quiet and stick to Shizuka-chan, I promise!" Hijikata was silent for a moment, then he sighed a very deep, very long sigh.
"Ugh, fine."
"Sano and I will join too!" Shinpachi said with enthusiasm, having completely failed to read the room.
"Don't you have a patrol that day?" Hijikata's venomous eyes fell on the second division captain, who cowered immediately.
"Oh, haha. Yes… I forgot. Ha," he stuttered, and Shizuka and Harada looked at each other knowingly, both seconds away from bursting out with laughter.
Hijikata took a deep breath, and resumed the talk about the specifics of the upcoming mission. She was listening attentively, but there was not much to it. Hijikata stressed two things: she was to act as unassuming as possible, and locate the men Sen mentioned so that she can listen in to their conversation.
"And the most important thing. If you're in trouble, call for one of them," he waved his hand towards the three men who were to accompany her. "Do not act on your own. I don't want a repeat of what happened at Nijo Castle." His eyes were piercing her with chilling intensity, and she nodded obediently, unable to look away.
"Yes, I understand," she managed to utter.
"I sure hope you do," the vice commander scoffed.
Okita, who was silent ever since selling Shizuka down the river, spoke up.
"Ah, so after I came up with this plan you get to have all the fun by yourselves? Not fair." Hijikata's stare shifted to Souji, and she knew that he was not in the mood for the younger man's jokes. "I want to go too."
"What have I told you before? You need to treat that cough of yours first," the merciless response came, and Okita chuckled unamused. "Before that, you're not going anywhere."
"You're so mean, Hijikata-san," Souji said, and looked away without much fighting. It seemed that he was expecting this response, but still wished to take his chances despite that.
After this brief interruption the meeting continued in such a stifling atmosphere that Hijikata soon ended it. Save for him and Kondou, everybody spread out towards their respective quarters to retire for the night. As usual, she was walking with Shinpachi, Heisuke and Harada, but instead of participating in their lively chatter, she was focused on the lonely figure in front of her. I should give him hell for cornering me like this, but… Ugh. Why do I want to comfort him?!
"Shizuka?" she heard her name, and looked away from Souji, startled. "Can I ask you something?"
"Y-yeah. Sure." Harada was glancing at her; he seemed unsure for some reason what piqued her curiosity. She also noticed that Shinpachi and Heisuke were walking some distance behind them, as if giving them room to talk in private. "What is it?"
"Have you… Um, have you gone out recently by any chance? Alone?" What? Gone out?
"Like left the headquarters?" He nodded. "No, I've never left alone. I only go on patrols with you guys."
"I thought so…" he murmured.
"Why?"
"When I was wrapping up the notice board case not too long ago, I saw somebody. I almost went up to them cause they looked exactly like you. Except the eyes." The moment she heard the last remark she put the pieces together. "Anyway, they disappeared before I could investigate. Must've been weirded out by my staring, I guess."
"I think I know who that was." His widened eyes caught hers.
"What? Really?"
"Yeah. Some time ago while on the patrol I met this person by chance. Her name is Nagumo Kaoru. When I first saw her I thought I was looking at the mirror."
"The resemblance is uncanny… But, are you sure it's a woman?" It was her turn to glance at him in surprise.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the way they were dressed wasn't very lady-like."
"Does that make me a man too?" Harada snorted at her cheeky comment.
"Fair point. But still… There was something ominous about that person. Can't put my finger on it, but it seemed like they were not there by accident." Shizuka considered Harada's words for a second.
"You mean they were tailing you?"
"Dunno. It all just felt very bizzare. If you ever see them again, be careful." Even if one wouldn't take their similar appearances into account, her first meeting with Nagumo was still quite odd in itself. She might've not sensed any hostility that day, but she trusted Sano's intuition a great deal more than some stranger's politeness.
"Sure," she said with a smile. "Thanks for the heads up." He offered her his trademark 'Sano smile' in response.
"Ah, and here I was thinking that Shizuka-chan is leading some thrilling and scandalous double life," the man said, clasping his hands behind his head. She looked at him unamused.
"Sorry to disappoint you." Harada glanced at her with gentle eyes.
"Nothing you do could ever disappoint me, silly," he stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and she stared at him, caught off guard. The momentary silence seemed to have become heavy with a kind of tension that was unknown to her. Then he found her gaze and offered her a playful wink, bringing them both back to the corridor near her room.
"What a smooth-talking player you are," she said, her palms cupping the slightly reddened cheeks.
"That he is," a merry voice behind them said; its owner wasted no time and pushed himself between Harada and the girl. "You should stay away from him, Shizuka." Sano was staring at his friend with a very unkind frown on his face, and that was enough to make both Shinpachi and Shizuka break out into laughter.
"What's so funny?" Heisuke spoke up, trying to wriggle himself next to them.
"He is," Nagakura replied, his finger directed at Sanosuke.
"At least I'm not a clueless bastard."
"Ba-bastard? Who are you calling a bastard now?" Shinpachi exclaimed. He completely ignored the first part of the insult, and began a squabble with Harada. "Take that back right now!"
Shizuka scoffed at their bickering and paused, leaving them to it. She joined Heisuke, who up until now had no luck in squeezing himself between them.
"They're so old, yet they're acting like five year olds," she tsk-tsked at the men in front of them. Todou chuckled and agreed with her words wholeheartedly.
"Exactly. A bunch of old men arguing… They really are an embarrassing sight." At that moment both men turned around simultaneously, and loomed over Heisuke, who shrunk into himself.
"Old men? Embarrassing?" they hissed in unison, and made an attempt at grabbing the younger man by his clothes. Shizuka took a precautionary step sideways, and watched how Heisuke evaded the men, and jumped away.
"Dammit… Goodnight Shizuka-chan!" He waved at her and jogged off down the corridor.
"Get some rest." Harada offered her a tiny smile.
"Sweet dreams, Shizuka," Shinpachi added with a much bigger grin. "Now, let us catch that brat, shall we Sano?" Harada nodded, and they broke into a run to find Heisuke and exact their revenge on him. She was looking at where they had disappeared for a moment longer, a chuckle escaping her mouth.
"What a bunch of crazy idiots…" She then turned on her heel and started towards her quarters.
Once Shizuka had finally reached her room, she threw herself on the futon with a loud sigh. There were lots of different thoughts running through her head, and she spent some time considering the most nagging ones.
Harada's story was still fresh in her mind, and she wondered what exactly was going on. Kyoto was quite a populous city, but at the same time the Shinsengumi troops were spending their days mainly patrolling the streets, so the odds of seeing the same person more than once were not all that low. Shizuka turned on her side. But on the other hand… Nagumo was not an ordinary individual. Starting with their unsettling looks, so strikingly similar to hers, somewhat peculiar behavior, and topping it with their alleged fondness of cross-dressing - all the information was creating a very suspicious image. Just what is that Nagumo person's deal…
She flipped on the other side and stared at the nearby door in daze. Her thoughts wandered to the upcoming mission of hers. The girl was dead set on doing her utmost best to help out the Shinsengumi, nevertheless she couldn't help but feel a pang of stress in her chest.
The Shinsengumi did not not have any women in their spy network, at least to her knowledge of the troops' inner workings (which was fairly extensive at this point). So it's the first time since I've started living here that there is something only I can do. This fact, though tad anxiety inducing, was still making her feel weirdly proud and incredibly motivated to work hard. She pushed back the feelings of nervousness and focused on the excitement, a little smile appearing on her face as she did so.
This time, her tossing and turning led her to lie on the back; she closed her eyes, and breathed in deeply to quieten her mind so that the longed-for sleep could finally come. As per usual these days, however, Shizuka's thoughts arrived at the place she was trying the most to avoid, but which she would end up at without fail each and every time. What was his deal tonight? Not only did he throw me to the wolves, but also had the audacity to glare at me for whatever reason? Her forehead wrinkled in annoyance as she struggled, perhaps for the millionth time already, to figure out what was going through the first division captain's mind, sadly to no avail. I will have to ask him about this 'heard her say it' nonsense. But why did he seem angry?
"Ugh, why is he so frustrating?" she wondered out loud, and buried her face in the pillow to calm her frayed nerves. "It's not like I set him off in any way…" She quickly replayed the meeting in her head, but even after doing so she was none the wiser.
"He couldn't have been against me going on the mission, since it was him who came up with the damn idea in the first place." Then a sudden thought dampened her spirits. What if he was mad because I'm going, but he's not allowed to? This seemed like a plausible explanation, and a fairly disheartening one at that, but once she thought about it some more, she came to the conclusion that this couldn't have been the reason. He looked angry before Hijikata-san banned him from going. So it wasn't that either. Just what exact-
"Wait," her head shot up and eyes snapped open. "Wasn't I talking to Sano-san at that moment? But why would that annoy him?" She hugged the pillow, even more confused than before. Are they not on good terms with each other? They're not the closest, but I've never sensed any dislike between them either. Should I ask Sano-san about this?
"Doesn't really explain why he glared at me, though…" Am I missing something? This doesn't make sense. "Eh, they're adults. If they have some issues, they should resolve them on their own." A yawn escaped her mouth.
Now that she has come to the more or less satisfying conclusion in regards to all of her doubts, the racing of her thoughts slowed down to a calm, unhurried pace. She yawned again, and pulled up the covers all the way to her nose. These are going to be some interesting few days… she thought as she began to drift off into a pleasant slumber. But seriously, are those two really not getting along?
Phew. There you have it! Another chapter down, hehe. The next one, let us hope and pray, will be up for you not in two years' time.
Your feedback is very much appreciated, as always! See you soon!