Six Years Ago

Fuck she tasted good.

He'd never really liked vanilla until the first time he'd kissed her but now Jay swore he had a genuine addiction. He ordered it even when she wasn't around, sometimes even used her body wash so the scent would linger, though not when he was on duty. Not only because the military had drilled into him that a strong scent could give away his location but because his coworkers would never let him live it down. Once he'd read something online about how if you put vanilla extract in the oven it would make your whole place smell like it but he'd been so busy telling Mouse to fuck off that he'd put too much in. And had left it for too long. So much that their apartment had, in his friends words, smelled like the inside of the Pillsbury Dough Boy's ass. Which was better than the beer and pizza their apartment smelt like every time she left but it had still been intense.

Jay would never stop her from leaving but that didn't make it any easier when she had to go.

"It's a stupid protocol." He mumbled against her lips, groaning into her mouth when she shivered as he slipped his fingers under her jacket and teased the skin just above her jeans.

"It's my protocol." She breathed, her own fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck in a way that made him want to drag her into some dark corner so he could have his way with her.

Somewhere more private than the parking lot of their apartment.

Preferably back into the apartment.

"You can be a genius and still have a few stupid ideas."

A laugh bubbled out of her but though she pushed into him as she shook her head after one more hard press of her lips against his Tess pulled back. "Airports are too risky. There's too many people, too many eyes."

"Let them see that you're with a cop. Let them know that you're protected." He countered but the soft sadness in her eyes had him sighing with defeat.

He knew she was right, they'd learned a few years ago that just because she was off duty didn't mean the work stopped. Chicago was a hub for all kinds of people and even though the whole point of her job was anonymity that really only existed in theory- she could always be recognized. Had been a couple times already. And while he would gladly stand beside her in a heartbeat and let all her enemies know that if they wanted her they would have to go through him first he knew that wasn't his call to make.

It was Tess's and she'd made it, so he had to respect it.

"Fine but you know you're going to spend the whole ride to the airport wondering what I might've been able to do with an extra twenty minutes. And how long it'll be until you get to find out again."

"Now that's not playing fair." She said with another husky laugh, gripping his shirt as her eyes ran over him. "I'll just have to do a lot of dreaming so you can make them come true."

"You will definitely be coming."

"Jay!"

Tess smacked his arm but she couldn't hide her smile, or the pink on her cheeks or the heat in her eyes and he quickly brought her in for one more hard kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay."

One more kiss, soft this time and then he let her go, chuckling when she smacked his ass as he headed for his car and she made her way to the front where one of her cabbies was waiting. He didn't think letting her go was ever going to be easy but he did think they were pretty good at it so maybe one day the rest of the sting would fade. And one day…

One day she would stop leaving.

Jay fully understood how much Tess loved being an operative; unlike him it hadn't been a sense of duty that had driven her to join up, hadn't been a lack of direction or a threat of punishment like Mouse. She'd had the whole world at her fingertips but she'd chosen it because she wanted it. She wanted adventure and action, wanted to travel and learn, to challenge herself in every way she could. It had been six years now she'd joined the SAC, technically eight but six in the field, a couple years longer than him now but she wasn't giving any signs of wanting to slow down. But one day… one day she would be ready. And he could wait for that, he had no intention or even interest in slowing her down but when she was ready… He would catch them up on everything they'd missed out on, not just the Valentines Day's and Christmases and birthdays but regular date nights, taking her to the fair, a concert, the movies. Finally putting a ring on her finger. Seeing her in a white dress. And after that…

They didn't avoid talking about the future but it was a topic they had a careful dance around, always whispered wishes without any promises or plans and he got that, it was a way to protect both of them but when, if, they didn't need it? If the day ever came where they decided to start a family together?

His heart swelled just thinking about it, imagining her pregnant, that first little bump all the way to the big swollen belly, him refusing the whole time to let her call herself fat while he happily fed every weird craving she'd get. And then the baby that came after that. Kids were… Well they were alright, he didn't dislike them, he just didn't really know any; he had a couple younger cousins but their families had never been close and he'd had Ali's younger brother Ben, the closest he'd come to being a big brother but now that had put him against the idea. A pain he didn't ever want to open himself up to. For him kids were funny and weird and deserved to be protected but they were also messy and chaotic and everyone said they were worth it but sometimes he wondered. But Tess's kids?

Their kids?

It was a thought that both excited and terrified him. But thankfully it was a long way off because right now parenthood wasn't something either of them were ready for.