„Ruby… Aqua… I love you."

He couldn't even see the gates and yet the voices in his head already began to make themselves known.

"Ah, thank god… Those words definitely weren't a lie."

Once the entrance came into view, his movements all came to a standstill. Just as they always did every time he had tried to visit this place over the last few years.

His breathing became increasingly irregular and the terrifying pictures that played like a flicker-book inside his mind were getting more and more vivid by the second.

If he tried to look at his hands right now… would he see her blood on them once more?

"Ai?"

Being a small child again, all but helpless in a situation even an adult wouldn't be able to solve, even if he was a trained physician, was nothing short of torture. A torture he had thought to be used to at this point in his life, but when he believed himself to be so close to her, it always had an entirely different intensity.

One which he couldn't deal with.

He should not have come here after all.

This was a mistake.

Someone as weak and pathetic as him couldn't handle a situation like this on a normal day, but taking into consideration that today wasn't just any ordinary day… he must have been delusional to think that he was even remotely ready for this.

How Ruby managed to do it nearly every month was absolutely astounding to him. Had she always been the stronger out of the two?

Considering her past life´s hardships made such a question all but obsolete this time around.

Of course, Sarina had been the stronger of them both.

"Ai!"

Although… it had been him and him alone who had been hit by the tragedy the hardest hadn't it? Nobody else, not even his sister, had felt the warmth fading from her body as her life came to an end. Not a single person on this earth had seen the look on her face. Eyes, normally as bright as the star-filled sky, completely devoid of their usual light, but instead filled with painful tears, looking into a direction nobody could follow.

Shutting those eyes before anybody could see her like this had seemed important to him back then. In retrospect, he didn't know why anymore.

Had he really been trying to protect her perfectly flawless image for the public mere seconds after this very lie had resulted in her brutal murder?

Pathetic.

He was nothing more than pathetic.

Somebody as weak and guilty as him didn't deserve to visit this location. Much less grief here.

…Perhaps he would one day be allowed to do just that… once he had avenged her completely.

If he would still be alive to do so afterward that is.

Subconsciously, he found himself taking a small step back. Eyes still completely fixated on the metal gates in front of him.

Had his sister's hand reached him only a second later, he would have made a run for it. Just like he had so many times before when he tried to visit her by himself.

The difference was that he wasn't alone this time.

"Aqua." She squeezed his hand a little tighter so that she could get his full attention.

To his shame, it only partly worked. The voices in his head made it near impossible for him to listen to her, but he tried nonetheless.

His eyes wandered to the colorful flowers she was holding in her free hand for just a second. They were the same as the ones she always took with her when she visited on her own, only this time the bouquet seemed a little bigger than usual.

"It´s okay." Her voice was calm and reassuring. There wasn't a hint of judgment in her words, which he was so sure he deserved for behaving the way he did. "It sometimes takes me a while too. That's completely normal."

The first thing he wanted to do after the words had reached him was punch himself because he couldn't help but instantly wonder; was she lying?

Was she just trying to make him feel better so that he wouldn't chicken out at the last second? Would she think less of him if he did?

Wouldn't this development separate them again after they had only just barely managed to reunite?

After all, wasn't it mostly thanks to her adoration for his old doctor persona that he had succeeded in making her forgive him in the first place? If he sank so low as to leave her alone right now, wouldn't her former hatred for her "brother" Aquamarine Hoshino, the traitor who had tarnished the legacy of her beloved mother, once again outweigh her love for her former doctor and friend Goro Amamiya?

He wouldn't judge her if it did, to be honest. He still very much hated himself after all.

Which is why he still couldn't move forward.

That's when he felt his other hand getting squeezed as well.

"Take your time. We are here for you."

Right.

It wasn't just him and Ruby.

Kana was with them as well.

"And… she… she is waiting for you. I just know it."

As he swallowed down his doubts, he wanted nothing more than to simply believe her.

Only a month ago, this very scenario, in which two of his most precious people in the world were encouraging him to step over the dark shadows of his past had seemed far too good to be true. He wouldn't have even dreamed of such a possibility

At that time, he had finally managed to push Kana away completely. Breaking her heart as well as his own in the process.

Had it not been for her relentless nature and sheer drive to pursue their friendship even at its worst possible state, he would have kept it that way even after he protected her image by simultaneously throwing his relationship with his sister under the bus.

Now, the two of them were closer than they had ever been before. In part because she knew of his past now and in part because he had felt the need to fill the immense hole that his sister had left behind for the time being.

Kana was the only person who was able to do it. If it wasn't for her company, Aqua might not have made it until the point when he was finally able to patch things up with his sister and push her into the light one more time.

When Ruby had approached him with the idea of the visit, Kana had supported her suggestion and before he knew it, he had accepted, but only after the red-haired actress had offered to accompany them as well.

She was hesitant at first, not wanting to intrude on such a private moment, but Aqua wanted her around and she knew it.

Clearly, he hadn't phrased it like that, but he was more than sure that Kana had understood what he meant.

Standing in front of the northernmost graveyard of Tokyo, with two steadfast pillows at his side, Aqua finally managed to walk through the gates that had seemed like an impregnable wall up until this point.

None of them felt the need to let go of each other as they made their way toward their designation, which was located at the center of the area.

Ai Hoshino´s grave.

Since her funeral, nearly 14 years ago, Aqua had not visited his mother once.

He felt like he had no right to. As much as he blamed his father and the stalker, there was nobody he blamed more for her untimely demise than himself.

Had he just told somebody about Goro Amamiya´s death and the stalker that took his life, he might have been able to prevent the ensuing tragedy.

But no, he had actually thanked the guy for enabling his newly found happiness in his second life and forgot all about him afterward.

Someone as guilty as him would not have been welcomed at a place like this.

And even if he would by some chance, Aqua was far too scared to find out.

It was late autumn, and the darkest of the red and orange leaves were already beginning to fall from the trees and yet, the place looked like it was still the middle of summer.

He had never known that graves were cared for this much. The flowers and plants all around seemed to be only a couple of days old at the most and candles were lit at nearly every grave. There wasn't a single memorial that had been forgotten.

This wasn't the work of the gardeners as well, this was a private graveyard and the bereaved families were the ones taking care of the place.

… Just like Ruby and Miyako had done over all these years.

As the three of them made their way over the graveyard, following a small pavement surrounded by nothing but graves and trees, Aqua found himself looking at the dates carved into the stones.

Unsurprisingly, there weren't many that had died as young as Ai had.

Most of the people resting here have had the privilege to enjoy a long life.

They might have seen their children grow up in front of their own eyes. They could have attended their school's play and many, many parent-teacher conferences if they only wanted to.

Some of them may have been complimented for looking so young despite already having children in their teenage years.

All of those things Ai missed out on, although she had looked forward to it. She had revealed as much to him with her final breath and Aqua would never be able to forget it.

The more he looked around, the more he tensed up again.

A shiver went through his whole body, from head to toe, but it wasn't the temperatures that caused it. His walk began to slow down without him noticing and he began second-guessing himself once more.

Before it could get too far, he let go of Kana´s hand, instead wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her in close. Simultaneously, he tightened the grip on his sister's hand.

He was too weak. Far too weak on his own. If those two wouldn't keep him in line, he would falter instantly.

If he really wanted to finish this today, he would have to push his pride away just once.

Neither of the two girls said anything.

Ruby just reciprocated his gesture, slightly pulling him forward so he wouldn't slow down any further, while Kana in turn wrapped an arm around his midsection and brought her face close to his chest. So close, she could probably feel the beating of his heart. Her free hand caressing his own around her shoulder with a tenderness he wasn't used to in the girl.

Or maybe… he just hadn't allowed her to show it until now.

Both of them seemed to understand him better than he himself did sometimes. Even as they remained quiet, their actions spoke louder than any words ever could.

They cared for him, wanted him to be okay, and wanted to help him take a step forward.

With all their heart.

How did someone as horrible as him ever deserve someone as pure as them by his side?

Aqua didn't look at the graves for the rest of the way, instead, he tried to focus on the presence of Kana and Ruby. Both of them looked so resolute and yet completely calm as well. He would have been jealous if he wasn't so damn proud. Especially of his sister.

This couldn't be easy for her either, even though she had done it many times before, but that only made it more impressive.

Only moments later they came to a stop and Ruby turned in the direction of a specific grave.

It didn't stick out at first sight. It was a standard grave, with nothing that separated it from its neighbors if one wasn't looking for it.

Perhaps there were some more flowers and candles lying before it. He knew that Miyako as well as Ichigo and the director had visited today already, so it was to be expected.

Other than that, nobody would suspect that a former celebrity was resting here.

He couldn't help but wonder if that was what Ai would have wanted.

Even after all those years, she was still a mystery to him. An enigma like no other whose true feelings and emotions were simply impossible to deduce no matter how hard he tried.

All he could do was make educated assumptions.

It might very well be that she would have enjoyed the anonymity of it all.

Even though she shined brighter than the sun while on stage, she never seemed to revel in the attention. A part of him wanted to believe that she was happiest around the people most dear to her. Ichigo, Miyako, and of course, her kids.

So, maybe, this place might be fitting.

Ruby seemed to think so as well, otherwise, she would have made sure to change it up once she had taken responsibility for it.

The girl in question let go of his hand, not before squeezing it one more time and gifting him a small smile, and then made her way to the grave.

She carefully placed the flowers in a vase that Miyako had thankfully left for her, knelt down in front of the gravestone, and began to speak.

He wasn't close enough to understand what she was saying and he didn't need to be.

Whatever Ruby wanted to say to their mother was private and belonged only to them both.

For a final time, doubts began to arise in his mind.

Was he really allowed to do the same?

This time though he was brave enough to voice his concerns.

"I don't know if I can do this." His voice was weak and full of hesitation, but Kana heard it all the same.

"You can and you should." Her response was the exact opposite. "She has been waiting for you since forever. Regardless of what you have to say, she will appreciate it."

"I´m not Ruby. I don't know if I deserve to step in front of her just yet. I-"

"You are her son." She reached a hand up to his cheek and made him look at her. Her expression was full of conviction and strength while at the same time remaining kind and understanding. "You don't need to earn your place by her side. You already have it."

In a slight slip-up on his part, a tear escaped his eyes after her words. He didn't even attempt to hide it, because Kana had already wiped it away with her thumb.

"I´m sorry."

"Don't be. I like this side of you far more than you could ever imagine."

A couple more tears ran down his cheek before his sister returned, but Kana wiped them all away without any effort. Her every touch managed to ground him enough to finally let go of her embrace and step in front of his mother for the first time in more than a decade.

He lit up a purple candle and carefully placed it to the right of the flowers, before kneeling down and closing his eyes.

"Ai-" His heart was already beating like crazy, and without Ruby or Kana holding on to him, he felt himself trembling once again.

However, he needed to do this. He hadn't come so far just to give up at the last moment.

"Mum… I´m sorry it took me 14 years to come and visit."

14 years ago today had been the worst day of his life.

The death of his mother, of his idol, of his personal star, had not only robbed him of his childhood, it had robbed him of his innocence as well. It had robbed him of this second chance in life. It had robbed him of a family that actually loved and appreciated him for whom he was… at least he had thought as much until recently… and it had turned him into a ghost in all but appearance for more than the following ten years.

By all accounts, he should be the one lying under the earth right now, while Ai should have been able to enjoy a happy and carefree life in the midst of her family and all those people who loved and admired her.

A beyond cruel faith had made it so that it was the other way around.

Without Kana to carefully wipe them away, his tears were falling onto the ground unstopped now.

"I´m sorry." He managed to say while sobbing. "I´m sorry… I´m so terribly sorry!"

Not only for being so late.

It didn't matter what anybody else said. Nor if it was at all reasonable or not.

There was no way around it.

Aqua felt responsible for her death.

Now, when he was finally standing before her again, even if it only was her name engraved in cold lifeless stone, all he could do was apologize from the bottom of his heart.

"I miss you! I want to hear your voice again! I want you to hug me again!" Selfish or not it didn't matter to him at this moment. "It all feels so utterly pointless when I know that it is not going to happen! Never! And it is all my fault…"

Even while he was breaking down, he managed to keep his voice somewhat quiet, so that the two girls behind him would worry even more than they already did.

"I know I´m asking a lot and I know that I don't deserve it but… please… please forgive me… please."

Suddenly all the sadness he felt began to turn into something else. When he opened his eyes and looked at his mother's name, he felt a painful sting in his right eye.

"I´m not done yet. Trust me Ai. I´m going to avenge you… I swear, I´m going to-"

Before he could finish a strong gust of wind made parts of the bouquet fly right into his face. The candle he had lit earlier went out as well, while Ruby´s still burned strong.

He stared with wide eyes at the scenery in front of him.

Aquamarine Hoshino wasn't one to believe in the occult. Then again, he wouldn't be Aquamarine Hoshino if the occult didn't exist.

Collecting himself took a little while, but once he had done it, he felt a little lighter.

"I´m sorry…" He actually managed to smile a little this time. "The fact that you still need to smack some sense into me is a truly sad affair. One would think, after everything that has happened to me over the past years I would know better than this, right mum?"

As he stood up, his smile widened a little, because the sun, which had been hidden behind a deep wall of clouds the entire day, finally broke through these barriers and managed to shine some light on the otherwise all too gray world around him.

"Ridiculous…" He chuckled slightly to himself. "At least let me swear you this: I´ll come visit you again next month. Together with Ruby. Maybe I´ll bring Kana as well… if she promises to hug me again like she did today, that is. I know you would like that too, wouldn't you?"

He managed to tear his eyes away from the gravestone and looked into the sky. The warmth he could feel on his face a reminder that he was very much alive and not alone in this world, regardless of how much he felt like it sometimes.

"Till next time mum. Thank you for everything."

He turned around and returned to the side of Ruby and Kana.

Untypical for him, he gave his sister a quick kiss on the forehead and without hesitation swung his arm around Kana, so that they would be just as close as before. Only this time it wasn't needed to keep him from trembling, but a simple gesture of appreciation for them being there for him.

"Let's go home shall we?"

Judging by the bright smile that was plastered on both their faces, they didn't mind this more intimate side of him at all.

So, turns out, even as a doctor in his thirties, combined with the experience of an actor in his late teens, he was still able to learn new things about himself and the people around him.

He wondered how many new things he might have learned about the world the next time he would come and visit his mother.

The star of his life.