"Skulduggery, I am bored, and I am cold. It's snowing outside and my radiators aren't working as they should. Come over here and entertain me. And while you're at it you can give me a hug, so my body temperature goes up."

"You are aware of the fact that I am a living skeleton and that I have no body with which I can warm you up with? And that I am always cold to the touch?"

"But you're an elemental and can summon fire. And to me you're always warm ;)"

"Thank you, my dear. I just have one question: Do you want me to set your house on fire?"

"Of course not! Why would I want you to do that?!"

"You told me to summon fire."

"You're such an idiot sometimes."

"Am not. You're the one that's unclear in what you want me to do."

"I won't argue with you 'cause I know I can't win an argument with you. Just get over here, will you?"

"I can't, I'm in the middle of something."

"What could be so important that you can't help the person you love most of all in the world when she's in need?"

"The usual stuff. Punching bad guys."

"I will agree with you that it is fun to give someone a good smacking, but not THAT FUN. Now get your bony ass over here! And I can't help but notice that you didn't say that you love me."

"Why on earth would I do that when I already know that YOU already know that I do? And as I just texted: I am busy."

"But it's no fun in knowing that you love me! It's much better to hear you say it, or in this case text it. And I couldn't care less about the fact that you consider yourself busy. I am your partner and it's your duty to always make sure that I am safe and sound. Which I by the way aren't at the moment."

"Now you're just being childish. You're perfectly flsjhu"

"I am perfectly what?"

"…"

"Skulduggery, are you there?"

"Sorry, one of the bad guys apparently don't like it when you don't pay them attention. He managed to give me a punch on my cheekbone. Which wouldn't have happened by the way, if you hadn't bothered me."

"I never bother you! You love when I check up on you. It's not my fault you can't both text and fight at the same time. I thought there wasn't anything you couldn't do. You've told me so more times than I can count."

"I really think I should stop texting you now. Back-up just arrived. See you later, Valkyrie. Put some logs in the fireplace until I get to you."

"But I don't know how to start a fire!"

"…"

"Skulduggery? You better haven't put away your phone!"

"…"

"Skulduggery, I warn you! Answer me! Don't you dare die on me!"

"…"

"Okay, now I am starting to get worried. I've waited for half an hour now. I have tried calling you and you don't answer, which tells me that your phone isn't broken at least. Why won't you answer me?!"

"…"

"1 hour now, Skulduggery! Where the hell are you?! Don't you do this to me! I have tears in my eyes, for god's sake! If you don't call or text me in the next five minutes, I will call China and demand that she sends out a squad of cleavers to search for you!"

"I am not dead."

"Finally! What the hell happened?!"

"As I said in my last text: Back-up arrived. I was busy fighting a lot of angry, evil sorcerers that wanted to kill me. After I delt with all of them I had to call China to send people over to apprehend them."

"So, you thought that it was more important to call China than text me and tell me you're okay?! God, I hate you so much right now!"

"I am on my way over now and I will give you what you asked me to as compensation. I'll see you in about five minutes."

"Considering what you just put me through I demand that you go over to the nearest store and buy me something sweet as well! Do you know how many calories I just wasted because of you?!"

"That's not how it works, Valkyrie."

"I don't care! Considering how scared, worried and angry I've been for the last hour I am sure that I've lost a little bit of weight and I need something to calm me down except for you, because I am still very much angry with you! Just so you know…"

"Noted. I'll see you soon."

"You better keep that promise, Skulduggery. Otherwise, I will do what the bad guys couldn't…"

"You won't kill me. You love me too much."

"Watch me."

"Oh, I will. I love watching you, Valkyrie."

"If you think that you can make me forgive you by flirting, you're dead wrong."

"To quote you: Watch me."

"Oh, this will be interesting…"

"Even though I can't see you right now, I am fully aware that you are smirking."

"Is that so? Then why don't you hurry up over here so you can put this smirk off my lips?"

"I will do so much more than that, Valkyrie."

"Now you've got my full attention."

"That was the point. See you in five."

"I can't wait. I'll be ready when you get here…"

"You better be. Or else it will be me who will be disappointed."

"Have I ever disappointed you, Skulduggery?"

"Yes, more times than I can count."

"*sigh* When it really counts, I mean?"

"No."

"There you go. See you soon *heart*"