Present Day

"You turn around and put your hands behind your back."

"I don't think so."

"Your mistake is thinking you have a goddamn choice, boy!"

A loud, exaggerated groan caught her attention and she looked over her shoulder to grin at Jay, lowering her voice to mimic the man on screen. "And your mistake? Thinking you're in America. You're a long way from home. This is Brazil!"

"You have a problem." He responded with a laugh, leaning over the couch to give her a kiss and Aelin a quick scratch before he walked into the kitchen.

"It's been on my mind ever since Miller made that comment." She replied, pausing Fast Five so she could turn around to watch as he grabbed himself a beer. "How was shift?"

"Fine." He answered simply but he took a long pull, though he cracked a smile and came over when she patted the spot beside her, his smile growing wider when she smacked his arm at his pointed look towards her snacks. "That's a combo."

"A delicious one." She said with a grin, popping another Cheeto in her mouth before she took a sip of her wine.

It was an odd mix but surprisingly good.

She'd had a lot of weird cravings lately, had been eating a lot in general, something that made her boyfriend very happy. Though while he was wise enough to not make any comments about the mostly unhealthy choices he wasn't hiding his reactions, something she liked. Tess constantly felt like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop, even after it did because she knew something else would come, because it always did. That was the way the world worked. But that was why it was so important to soak in moments like this, when the world was calm and all was well.

Especially moments like this, when it was just the two of them, her tucked into his side while he absentmindedly played with her hair, snorting at whatever ridiculous, i.e. awesome thing she was watching or doing. They were the moments that made all the bad worth it, that got them through it.

It just sucked that more often than not they came so close together.

Tess didn't know what time it was when she woke but she knew straight away something was wrong. Not from her ring or phone or Cas, not the spidey-senses that told her when danger was near but from the sharp, stabbing pain in her side. She actually had to look to make sure nothing was sticking out of her, a simple action but one which made her already queasy stomach roll, not just a little but a lot, those Cheetos and the creampuffs she'd had before them making a fast jump up her throat. It took all the coordination and control she had to stumble into the bathroom, one downside of this apartment was that it was so damn big, one hand pressed to her mouth to keep it closed before she dropped in front of the toilet. Throwing up was never enjoyable but the way her body wretched made that stabbing so much sharper, so blinding it took her a minute to be able to feel anything else, not the slight relief the cold porcelain and concrete might have given her, not the hands smoothing her hair and rubbing her back, not even the disgusting lumps forcing their way out of her throat.

"It's okay." Jay was whispering when she finally realized he was behind her, his voice husky with sleep and confusion. "It's okay, you're okay."

But it wasn't.

She wasn't.

Something was wrong.

Really, really wrong.

But she couldn't tell him that when her stomach was intent on emptying itself, had to wait however long until she finally stopped, until he gently pulled her back to rest against him. Had to watch his soft, mossy eyes darken as his soft concern quickly grew into sharp fear, instantly recognizing that whatever he thought this was, it wasn't. That it was so much worse. Tess thought she knew, the stabbing had receded, not gone but turned into a dull but still intense throb, right on her lower left side. Right where a one-centimetre piece of rebar had torn through her seven months ago. Had something ruptured?

The one fallopian tube she had left?

"I've got you. It's gonna be okay, I've got you." Jay told her fiercely, the complete opposite of how gently he picked her up before carrying her back into the bedroom, propping her against the pillows before he rushed to find her something to wear.

Sleeping naked also had its downsides.

Another of which was the way she easily slid down those pillows, suddenly so exhausted it was all she could do to keep her head upright. But even though all her eyes wanted was to close they stayed locked on the man in front of her, his panic palpable but controlled, his eyes wild but his face stoic. Not soldier mode but Ranger mode.

Her Ranger.

"You need pants too." She mumbled when he crouched in front of her to slide some up her legs, taking a slow breath to keep her stomach quiet before she continued. "And a shirt."

He made a displeased noise but left her under Aelin's watchful eye as he threw on some jeans and a hoodie, he and the feline sharing the briefest look when he picked her back up again before they were all heading for the elevator. He was taking her to the hospital. And even though Tess knew she needed it she still felt herself shrinking, hiding under his chin when he gave her a soft yet stern look.

Thankfully they hadn't been at the boat, one of the best features of this apartment was that it had a private garage, a huge mercy to not be paraded through the lobby, further weighed down under anyone's worried stares. Of course that ended rapidly when Jay jumped the curb at MED but since she'd thrown up twice more on the drive over it was now hard for her to care. Mostly.

"Will!"

"Jay-"

"I want my brother. Now." He cut Maggie off roughly but the E.D Charge Nurse took one look at her and ushered them in, pointing out an open med bay just as his brother came rushing over, his face so similar to Jay's she couldn't help chuckling.

"What happened? What- you brought the cat?"

"Yes and she's not going anywhere. And I don't know. She was fine and then she started throwing up and grabbing her side."

Had she been?

Yes, she was.

"Hey Tess? Can you tell me what's wrong?"

It was a simple question with a simple answer but she couldn't bring herself to say it. Not only because she didn't want to speak the words aloud but because if she did force them out whatever was left in her stomach was going to come up too.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd been in this much pain.

Probably when she'd been impaled.

"That's where she was impaled. Seven months ago. One-millimeter-thick rebar." Jay explained, his tight, scared voice sending a different kind of pain through her.

"Alright, Maggie I need-"

"I got it."

Tess had just enough cognition and control to lift her head at the sound of the strange voice, letting out another chuckle when she saw it was Natalie Manning, one of Will's fellow doctors. And also ex-fiancé. And she was sure still love of his life. The two shared a short but full look, also very familiar and then Will was giving her something for the pain, sweet relief sweeping through her almost immediately, allowing her to focus on the kind smile the brown-haired woman gave her.

"We're going to take good care of you Tess."

"You would make a good sister-in-law. Not that we're married, but you know what I mean. They need to be kept in line and you seem good at it."

Jay snorted, more of a choked laugh, Natalie going pink while Will gave her a shocked, then dry look. "I don't think the drugs work that fast."

"Don't need drugs to speak the truth."

"Their stubbornness does seem to be genetic." Natalie quipped, the smile she shared with Will both teasing and shy.

"Did you meet Pat?"

Jay made a noise she was pretty sure was meant to be another laugh and pressed a hard kiss to her temple, his strength steadying her in this moment of extreme weakness. A fragility which became even more raw when she watched the scrunching of Natalie's brows quickly go up with understanding as she took a look at whatever was on the ultrasound machine, and then immediately smooth out, a careful blankness that both kept her here and sent her back in time. Six years to be precise. But it wasn't until she saw Will making the same face, his with an added male embarrassment that she too understood what was happening.

So, so much worse.

"What is it?" Jay demanded, having also sensed the shift in the room. "What's wrong?"

"Jay, maybe you and I should-"

"I'm not going anywhere." He told his brother roughly, and loudly, now very much embodying the soldier.

"Jay-"

"He can stay." She told Natalie quietly, doing her best to smile at the woman instead of bursting into tears; they'd met briefly and she liked her, but she didn't know her well enough to want to share a moment this intimate. "It's what I think it is, isn't it?"

Natalie just nodded, the sympathy, empathy on her face both helping and hurting. "No one told you what to expect?"

"They said it would happen less often, and that it would be more painful but… I didn't think…"

"What? What are you talking about, what is going on?" Jay demanded again, this time to her, less stern and much more pleading.

Every time she thought she was done hurting him she did it again. And this…

This was a pain they couldn't escape.

Not without cost.

"It's my period."

His face froze but his head started shaking. "No. Look again."

"Jay-"

"No!" He shouted, so loud Aelin jumped up from wherever she'd been keeping out of the way, crouching by her feet and swiping her paw at Will and Natalie to make them back up. "I know what her period looks like and this is not it, so you look again."

"Jay-"

"I know this is scary-"

"Give us a minute."

With two sad nods the doctors backed out, just slow enough for her to watch Will's face crumple before Jay was grabbing hers and pressing his head against it. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. I'm going to fix-… I am going to make this okay."

"Not everything broken can be fixed."

"You are not broken." He said hoarsely, his fingers flexing on her face, his eyes darkened steel, like he could force her to believe him.

For so many things he could, but not this.

Jay was special, so much more than he knew but he couldn't change reality.

"This part of me is." She said quietly and the admission pushed out not the contents of her stomach but the tears she'd been holding back, a hot flood that had them clinging to each other, chuckling again when Aelin started rubbing against them.

Nothing about this was funny but she couldn't help it. All she could do was take the comfort he provided, not that she had much of a choice. But if Tess wanted any hope of stopping Jay from going full Neanderthal she was going to have to pull herself together. Just… in a few minutes. She wasn't ready to let him go yet, needed him to soothe all the tremors that were running through her; they came so close to breaking her, but not him. He took each one, absorbed them, all the while staying as still as stone. He was her rock.

Her mountain.

They stayed like that for a while, long enough that they were each able to get themselves under control, a temporary measure but one she clung to. To her shame, pushing him away in the process.

"Okay, you go talk to Will-"

"I am not-"

"While I discuss periods with Natalie."

Jay let out a rough breath, his head rocking against hers before he finally nodded. "I'll be five steps away."

"I know."

One more loving kiss and he walked out, three long strides that took him out of the room followed by two more so he stood just off to the side of the doors. By the time he'd stationed himself Will was beside him and then Natalie was poking her head in, giving her a small, solemn smile before she slowly stepped inside, looking Aelin over curiously before she held out her fingers for her to sniff, her smile going wider when the cat gave them a quick rub.

"How are you doing?" She asked gently as she directed her attention back to her, managing to be sympathetic without pitying.

She was a good doctor, a good woman. A good mother. Obviously Will had spent a lot of time with her son Owen, he would've been his stepfather but Jay hadn't. What would he be like as an uncle? He deserved to experience that love and she clearly wouldn't be giving it to him. She could have, once upon a time, but that hadn't been her priority.

She'd chosen revenge. Justice.

Herself.

"Tess?"

She blinked and brought her gaze back to Natalie, taking in her cautious stare with an encroaching numbness she had to force herself out of. "What was Will like with you? When you got your period?"

It was a question the other woman clearly hadn't expected but she took a moment to think about it, fondly since her face quickly went soft. "He was very sweet. And attentive. A little awkward, but then all men are."

"All the good ones."

"And isn't that the truth." Natalie said wryly, sharing an understanding look with her before she stepped closer, hesitating for a moment before she gave her hand a soft squeeze. "I'm really sorry you're having to go through this Tess. If there's anything I can do, please let me know."

"Can you tell me what to expect?"

"It's hard to say- the rebar pierced your abdomen right where your fallopian tube enters your uterus so you have damage to both. The pain you felt earlier was the regular contraction of your uterus shedding its lining, however that built up a lot so you'll have some heavy bleeding. As well… due to the nature of your injury, over time-"

"It will get worse."

Natalie nodded but stayed quiet, giving her time to let it all sink in. Scar tissue got thicker and harder over time which meant with each cycle the blinding pain she'd experienced less than an hour ago would get even stronger, something that was hard for her fathom. Something outside of her bringing her that much pain was easy to imagine, something she had plenty of experience withstanding but for her body itself to be what was hurting her… That was especially cruel.

That felt like some kind of cosmic punishment she was only half convinced she didn't deserve.

"There is one option-"

"I'm not ready to make that decision yet." Tess said quietly, having already worked out what it was.

It made sense, not doing anything would be a self-imposed punishment but she just... She wasn't ready to make that concession.

She'd already lost enough.

"You don't need to do anything until you're ready." Natalie said firmly, though she quickly raised a brow. "But I am going to send you home with some pain medication because I have the feeling your stubbornness outmatches theirs."

"How else do we keep them in line?"

Natalie laughed, patting her hand again before she stepped back. "I find the doe eyes to be pretty successful myself."

They shared another smile, like she had with Kim drawn together by that feminine understanding and then Jay was coming back in, absentmindedly petting Aelin while his other hand took hers in a tight grip. "They're going to get you some-"

"I know."

"I guess now we know where the Cheetos and red wine came from." He said with a small, sad smile, tucking her hair behind her ears before his thumb started brushing her cheek.

She probably looked a mess right now.

He did too but at least he'd finally zipped up his hoodie.

"Are you okay?"

"I want to go home."

His arms instantly wrapped around her, his head resting atop hers, his lips pressing soft kisses against her hair. "As soon as they have the meds. We'll go home and we'll get through this, okay? You and me."

The way they got through everything.

So long as she let them.

It was a lesson she should have learned by now, one she thought she had but for this… He knew what she was thinking, she could feel his tension slowly ratcheting back up as they drove back to the Tower, the windows down to get rid of the lingering scent of vomit. But even though he was just as gentle when he tucked her back into bed he didn't lay down beside her, just sat next to her, his eyes already heavy with resignation.

"I'll take the pain meds- you saw how fast they worked. I can barely feel anything." That wasn't true, on either count and he knew it but he didn't say anything, just kept staring at her with those sad fucking eyes. "I swear I'm not trying to push you away but you're in the middle of a case and you've already taken so much time off for me, I don't want you to take anymore. Not- not for this."

Jay just nodded slowly, pressing the softest kiss to her forehead before he finally laid down beside her. Tess knew she was hurting him and she hated herself for it, for this deep-seeded fear of being a burden but even though she knew this was the perfect opportunity to show him she was serious about letting him in she couldn't take it.

She didn't.