Present Day

Her period lasted for three days and if she'd needed a final sign that there was some kind of cosmic intervention going on that would've been it. She had always found the number a powerful one, in cultures across the globe it was connected to womanhood, to the journey each of them made, if they were lucky enough to live long enough.

Maiden, mother, and crone.

Jay kept calling her a pagan, a joke which despite her disbelief in all religions she found funny, not to mention fair with all the crap she'd given him about his Catholic beliefs but it was a source of sadness too. Because she'd skipped the motherhood phase. Half by choice, half by force and while she couldn't decide which stung more what she did know was what hurt the most was that she'd taken that choice away from him. Not that he seemed to care. And not just because he was so focused on taking care of her, which he was and which she had begrudgingly and then readily admitted she needed. That first day had been an introduction to what she was about to experience, the second reaching new heights of pain she actually hadn't thought possible; even then she hadn't felt most of it to its full extent thanks to the pain medication, something she'd started taking for Jay's sake but quickly continued for her own. There was still a part of Tess that wanted to see how bad it could get, that burned to find out exactly what she was up against but she was wise enough to know better than to needlessly torture herself. She had enough enemies, she didn't need to become her own. Not any more than her body had made her.

The cramps were the worst of it but with the medication they were manageable, a lot more than the nausea. It was so intense she couldn't keep anything down, not for long anyway but as much as he apologized Jay kept making her eat, correct in his assessment that it was better to throw up broth than it was her own stomach acid. Then there was the bleeding. So much blood, so much more than she had ever lost before; she'd had to stop counting how many loads of laundry he was doing after the first half dozen because it made her cry too much. Because as if all of that wasn't enough her hormones had her emotions all over the place.

Tess couldn't imagine going through this without him.

Actually she could but she was convinced it would have killed her, if not this time then at some point in the future. Having him take care of her was one thing, making her eat and keeping her clean and holding her hair back every time she puked but even if he'd done none of those things she would've just been happy having him here. Having him hold her, massaging her sore body and quietly singing her lullabies… That was what got her through this. Him. But it was done now, mercifully, temporarily, a hidden but loudly ticking clock that was hard to ignore.

"I am not looking forward to doing this again." She mumbled as she made her way back from the bathroom, finally able to walk without assistance, and while Jay smiled his eyes narrowed and when she laid down beside him he was quick to roll on top of her. "Hi there."

"Hi."

"Whatcha doing?"

The deep breath he took before he answered put her on edge but she'd known this conversation was coming and after putting him through hell the last three days she wanted it sooner rather than later.

"I want to talk to you. Well, actually I want to talk at you."

"Okay."

He took another slow breath and she promised herself she would let him speak but then she he started and she knew she had to interrupt. "I want to start by reiterating that I know this has been harder on-"

"No-"

"Damnit Tess-"

"Just let me say this and then I'll shut up, okay?"

His eyes narrowed again, his arms tightening where he had her caged beneath him but there was a spark of intrigue and he slowly nodded, this time watching her as she took a deep breath.

"This is hard on both of us. In different ways yes but not more and not less."

The next thing Tess knew he was kissing her, gently but the wave of tension that rippled off him let her know he appreciated her words.

But it hadn't been enough tension and that let her know he had a lot he needed to say.

"This has been hard on both of us. But it is still your body so the final decision is yours. That being said, I've done a lot of thinking and I have a plan." Jay said with a firm nod, sure in himself but not in her, the only thing so far that hurt exactly as much as she expected it too. "You get two more periods. This was your maiden, you get a mother and a crone and then you get a hysterectomy, but not before you get your eggs harvested."

She would what now?

She didn't disagree with anything he said but he threw it at her quickly, probably in fear of more interruptions which she couldn't help as he continued.

"That way, if down the road we decide we want kids, we can still have ones that are genetically ours. Not that that matters to me, but the option is there. Viv even offered, actually demanded to be our surrogate-"

"You talked to Vivienne about this?"

"I had to make sure I wasn't off base. And I don't think I am. But here's the important thing, and I need you to hear me on this okay?" He stressed, so eager it made her chest ache.

Because she was hearing him on all of it but if this was the important part…

This was the part she wasn't ready for.

"I don't want kids." Jay said quietly, his mossy eyes streaked with steel, so intense the honesty in them screamed at her. "I don't want to have to choose between my job and my kid and I don't want to experience all the fear and pain that comes with having one."

"You would be a great dad."

He just sighed and cupped her face, such a pained but sweet smile. Such a sure one. "I think you're right. But that doesn't mean I want it. And I don't think you do either. We're grieving what we might have had but you're the one who taught me about the multiverse which means that some version of us is. Let them be amazing parents. You and me get this life, action and adventure and us. The only dirty diapers we'll have to change are our own."

Would they make it that far?

"I don't need to be a father. And I don't want to be. What I want and what I need-"

"Is me."

Jay nodded, clearly desperate for her to believe him. And she did. It'd be wrong not to but that didn't make accepting it any easier. But… the multiverse was real. And he was right, she didn't want kids. Not as much as she wanted other things, freedom and a lack of that pain he'd spoken of. She just didn't like that the choice had been taken from her, from them. But it hadn't been.

He'd just given her one.

"Two more." Tess agreed quietly, catching the briefest glimpse of his relief before he was kissing her again.

Part of her still wanted to rage at the world for all it had taken but when his arms wrapped around her she chose to focus on what it had given her.

A love so strong she truly believed it could shake the world.

"I have another idea."

"Oh yeah?" She mumbled, refusing to let her lips leave his. "What's that?"

He just smiled, big and bright and though she'd never doubted it she knew then whatever his plans were she'd follow them.

"Are you kidding me? You don't feel anything?" Adam asked Kim nervously, his girlfriend only half trying to hide her snicker before she shrugged.

"I feel it, it just doesn't hurt."

"Let's go up to level five then."

Kim nodded as they went up another level, looking down at the electrodes attached to her abdomen but otherwise unphased. "Okay yeah, that's like a regular cramp."

"Five? Level five, halfway up the scale, is normal for you?" Adam asked again, the officer who'd faced bullets and bombs looking like he'd rather deal with them than take his turn on the machine.

A period pain simulator.

Jay's second idea and honestly Tess was a little surprised she hadn't thought of it herself, especially since it was something she considered pretty much every cycle; watching videos of girlfriends making their boyfriends try them always cheered her up but she supposed she had been preoccupied with her own, real cramps. And it was actually very sweet that he'd suggested it, especially knowing it was going to be used on him. He'd even let her test it on him when she was calculating the dosage, demanded actually, adamant that she'd been through enough though he'd conceded when she explained she needed to try it at least a couple times to make sure it was accurate, something he wouldn't be able to determine. He'd seemed more excited than her when he'd texted his team to come over and while he'd let her tell them the plan he'd spent the whole time smirking like the Cheshire cat.

Talk about the world's best boyfriend.

"I told you women were stronger than men." Hailey said with a smirk, Vanessa snorting where she sat next to her.

"Not a chance in hell they'd be able to put up with what we do."

"Not for longer than five minutes anyway." Natalie quipped, she'd asked her and Will to join them as well and was glad to see them getting along well with everyone. She was glad just to see everyone in the same room when it wasn't an emergency.

She also enjoyed seeing the disgruntled look Adam was giving Jay. "What was that?"

Adam went wide-eyed and was quick to shake his head, sweetly giving Kim his hand as she switched places with Vanessa but still looking very unenthusiastic, something his girlfriend quietly teased him about. They all knew he was going to do it, and she didn't really doubt that any of the boys would make it to level ten, they wouldn't deserve their badges or their partners if they didn't but he was the most vocal of the group, though his new Latina teammate was a close second. As expected she, Hailey and Natalie all made it to level ten just as easily as Kim had and while nothing could be as accurate as the real thing they'd all said it came very close, agreeing their regular cycles were between levels five and seven. There had been a moment of awkwardness when Vanessa asked what level she was but with one look everyone had stopped shooting glares at the younger girl and looked down at themselves, embarrassed they thought she couldn't handle the question.

But she could.

It hadn't even been twenty-four hours yet but Jay's first plan was already making her feel steadier, still a little sad of course but that was a pain that was always going to be with her. But it was lighter now and she knew it would only become more so with time.

And maybe a few more moments like this.

The look on the boy's faces when she waved the remote as Natalie finished taking the electrodes off was priceless, so much she decided it was going to be a Christmas card. "Alright, who's first?"

"Hook me up." Jay said simply as he stepped forward, not a surprise to anyone but it was clear his friends were glad to watch him go first.

He handled it well, aside from the face he made when she first turned it on he didn't make another until he reached level three and even that was a wince he was easily able to hide, though she knew everyone caught the way his breaths became more measured. As much as each of the others had experienced on the force they were the only two who had been taught how to withstand pain but that stoicism broke when she turned it up to level six, his eyes squeezing shut as his right leg jerked.

"You okay babe?"

He made a noise in the affirmative before actually answering her, giving all the girls a look that was both pained and impressed. "I still can't believe it goes down your legs like that."

"What?" Adam asked, at the same Kevin shared his surprise.

"Say again?"

Kim and Vanessa burst out laughing at the boy's clear shock, and discomfort but Tess was distracted by her own. She hadn't thought this would bother her, it hadn't with the women and she didn't think it would with Kevin or Adam but for Jay… Maybe it was because he'd just spent the last three days taking such good care of her or maybe it was because she was still feeling guilty about things she couldn't control but hurting him wasn't just uncomfortable, it was painful.

"You want to take him to level ten?" She found herself asking Hailey, the other woman hesitating for a second before she slowly took the remote, her face softening as she realized why she was giving it away.

Then again when she realized why she was giving it to her.

They still hadn't had any moments alone but they had genuine respect and appreciation for each other now, the same emotions that were in Jay's stare when she caught it, though a lot more intimate.

"It is my duty and my honour to experience any level of your pain." He said simply and even though she heard Adam groan she got stuck in the world of love in his eyes, until his smug smile at his friends let her catch her breath.

Damn he was good.

He made it through the rest of the levels easily, even joked with Hailey how he was sure she enjoyed it, which she'd replied that she had, and then he'd sat down beside her and tucked her into his side. He'd always been the kind of man who struggled with being overly affectionate in public so it was sweet to see him letting his guard down around his friends, and sweet to see the way they responded to it, how each of them relaxed as well, Adam pulling Kim closer while Kevin and Vanessa made heart-eyes at each other, Will and Natalie failing to hide that they were doing the same. It bothered her that Hailey was alone, and she hid it well but she was sure it bothered the other woman too, but it was okay. They were a team, a family, and they were only getting closer.

And closer meant stronger.