"AAAAAAARRRRGHHH!"
Cortex's scream echoed through the dead of night as he plummeted through the air. His body collided violently with a sloping roof, and, after what felt like an eternity of tumbling, he crashed flat on his face against the unforgiving ground. Letting out a loud grunt of pain, he rolled on his back and propped himself up. He now found himself on a derelict looking terrace—one of the many hidden corners within the Academy's twisted architecture. Meanwhile, the girl descended the slope with insolent grace, smoothly sliding into a poised landing on her feet beside him.
"You pushed me!" He gasped, still flabbergasted by what just happened.
"Don't be such a princess, you were about to jump anyway! Besides, the tiles broke your f…"
Barely had the satisfaction crept onto her lips when Cortex pounced and drew his blaster, forcefully pressing her against a decrepit wall. As his body melded with hers to thwart any attempt at evasion, he could sense her shivers beneath the cold touch of the barrel against the delicate hollow of her throat.
"You pushed me," he repeated, his voice turning into a low growl.
"Nothing you wouldn't have done yourself, I'm sure." Not only was it spot on, but that realisation made her all the more magnetic— something that even his stellar intelligence found difficult to fathom. "Cripes, that thing looks rough," she smirked, referring to the gun."Keep it at distance, will you? None of my vaccines are up to date."
"Wh— How dare you?! It's a prototype!"
"And you've been keeping it in those skimpy pajamas all along?"
"Duh! It's pocket-sized!"
"I bet it is..." she said with a straight face, this time eyeing much lower than his blaster.
That was it for Cortex, who used his free hand to grasp a fistful of her hair, gently tilting her head backward and causing the pulsation beneath her skin to race. With unhampered excitement, he applied more pressure to the barrel, its tip leaving indents on her flesh.
"Silenced the chatter, haven't we? Now, I wonder wh—" He purred before he sensed her attempting to move her hands, likely to employ her physics-defying abilities. In response, he tightened his grip and placed the barrel against her chest, slightly displacing the layers of her waistcoat and shirt. "If I were you I'd rather not. Lift even a finger and I'll make you see-through!"
"Alright then!"
With a swift motion, she rubbed her clothed leg between his and kicked him in the groin. Grimacing in pain, he staggered backward, loosening his embrace and unwittingly granting the girl the opportunity to slip away. Flaunting her power once again, the weapon escaped Cortex's hand and smoothly found its place in her awaiting palm.
"My…blaster!" He squeaked. "That's not fair!"
"Quite trigger-happy, aren't you?" She taunted, inserting her index into the trigger guard and twirling the firearm around. "I can't believe I almost doubted you were American!"
"Ooh-la-la, behold, it's me, the Bri'ish illusionist!" He exclaimed with a high-pitched voice, engaging in a flamboyant imitation of his conversation partner.
"You do realise this is way more embarrassing for you than for me, right?"
"I just love parading my dashing self on Sa-a-day noits to showcase my fancy telekinesis tricks…" He went on, prancing around her with small side steps.
"You think I'm dashing?"
"I —that was for stylistic purposes, you menace!" Cortex mumbled, feeling his whole face searing. "Hand it over!"
"So you can attack me again?"
"Raaah, not this time, I promise." He retorted begrudgingly in an almost sing-song voice.
"But I thought you liked me!" she teased with feigned disappointment. "Anyhow, if your aim is as good as your accents I'm perfectly safe. Here!"
Saying so, she tossed the weapon to him, a bit too high. The blaster bounced off a chimney behind them, ricocheted on the floor, and unexpectedly discharged a shot, briefing illuminating their surroundings in a greenish light.
"You were saying?"
"Whoopsie-doodle, I guess…" the girl chuckled lightly, a most endearing contrite expression gracing her face.
"Consider yourself lucky," he managed to articulate after almost choking on his own air. "This little baby here is indestructible!"
"Otherwise I'd be in for an awfully bumpy ride, eh?" she asked, bending down to retrieve the blaster before finally handing it back to him.
"If you're that way inclined."
As he spoke, he intentionally pulled the blaster toward him, bringing her closer with a sly smile. At this proximity, devoid of any technological interference, he could finally indulge in a thorough observation, though it was undeniable that even her mere shadow had the potential to ignite a spark within him. A minuscule mole on the right corner of her upper lip, delicate freckles sprinkling the sharp slope of her nose, and a subtle asymmetry in her eyebrows, one slightly more arched than the other, contributed to an overall cohesiveness that his logical mind could only recognise. As harmonious as the composition was, it would have been incomplete without the most peculiar nuance of her skin—a canvas whose grain he felt he knew by heart, even though he had never laid a finger upon it. Falling around her face, her hair acted as an exquisite frame, transforming the ashen glow of the moon into a silvery sheen that perfectly complemented the ethereal portrait before him.
Rather than retreating, she closed the gap between them even further, her warmth radiating in the diminishing space. At this moment, achieving world domination blindfolded and with hands tied behind his back appeared less challenging than ignoring the pervasive need that rampaged his entire being. Her gaze lingered on his lips briefly before widening in an alarmed look.
Suddenly, he was blinded by a dazzling burst of light, and an urgent warning echoed in his ears.
"WATCH OUT!"
Caught off guard, he felt a force propel his body a few meters backward, where he landed with an otherworldly delicacy. Disoriented, Cortex then found himself on the ridge of a nearby roof, the girl at his side, as bolts of lightning continued to strike all around them. He knew those all too well. Madame Amberley, still on the hunt for the two students but unable to locate them in the thickness of the night, was firing blindly. As they fled, navigating the uneven terrain of the rooftop, they encountered human-sized steel-jaw straps strewn along the ridge. With the girl seeming somewhat feeble—whether from the shock or exerting her powers—Cortex took charge.
"I got this!" He confidently declared.
He deftly brandished his blaster, firing at the steel-jaw straps to close them one by one as they advanced. Their progress came to an abrupt halt when he exhausted his ammunition, the shots ending in pathetic clicks from his frantic trigger pulls. Meanwhile, the lightning bolts persisted, and in the midst of the pandemonium, the girl sighed.
"So that wasn't extra ammo I sensed in your pocket earlier..."
He pursed his lips and shook his head. Without giving him time to retort, she seized him by the wrist and swept him along as she leaped to slide along the sloped roof.
"Oh, not again!" Cortex screamed, his insides liquefying.
Both sliding on their backs, they dangerously approached the edge, facing the imminent threat of free fall. Cortex instinctively shut his eyes in fear. However, his panic was short-lived. To his surprise, he realized that instead of plunging into the void, he remained suspended in midair. The girl had turned one of the gargoyles that adorned the heights of the school into a makeshift flying platform. Hanging by one gargoyle's legs and still holding onto his arm, she maintained control over their aerial escape. Cortex, managing to crawl upwards, secured his grip around her waist, a mix of relief and exhilaration coursing through him as they soared above the chaotic scene below.
"You did this?!" he exclaimed.
"I won't be able to hold much longer," she panted. "Heck, you're heavier than you look!"
"Well that's the drawback of having an amazing bone structure! Just command this… thing to drop us in the courtyard!"
But the supernaturally possessed gargoyle would obviously have none of it, as it began to fly down randomly due to both their weight.
"I can't control it!"
"What do you mean you—", he started before he thought better of it. Now wasn't probably the right time to bug her, since he literally had to cling to her for survival. "So what do we do?"
"When this big guy gets close enough to the ground, we jump!"
"Again?" He yelped. "Are you a kamikaze kangaroo or something?"
"Whenever you're ready!"
"How about never fucking ever?"
Without further warning, she let go of the gargoyle's leg. Crying out in concert, they finally ended their fall by slamming into the lawn, much less painfully than expected. Cortex remained face down for a minute or two in an attempt to regain composure.
As he raised his head, an icy grip tightened around his chest: the girl laid motionless on the floor, her face obscured by a cascade of hair. He parted his dry lips to call out to her, but his scream died on his lips as he realised he didn't know her name. Crawling to her side, he gently turned her onto her back for a quick examination. After all, there was a reason he had earned the title of the youngest Malevolent Medicine graduate at the tender age of 9. However, the subject of his thesis, "Leprosy Lessons: Unleashing the Power of Pathogens in the Playground," offered very little help in the current predicament…
Pulse. That was a start. His relief came quickly when he saw her open her eyes and blink twice.
"Please tell me the ride is over." She said as she propped herself up in a sitting position.
"For a second, I thought you were over!"
"Come on, you don't die from falling."
"Er, yes you do!"
They exchanged an amused look before snorting with laughter.
"On second thought that was a dick move, pushing you out of that window."
"I was about to jump anyway," he replied, using her own words. "And the tiles broke my fall."
"I'm glad they did."
As she strained to draw herself closer, a pained grunt escaped her lips, and she clutched her left leg. The bell-bottoms, torn all the way to the knee, unveiled a blood-soaked gash on her calf.
"Ouch… Who knew slates could be so sharp?"
"Wait a minute, I've got just the thing!" Cortex exclaimed, producing his blaster.
She arched an eyebrow, skepticism written across her face.
"It's just a scratch, you know. There's no need to resort to such extremes."
"Hush and observe!"
Cortex manipulated the buttons on the grip, and suddenly, a loud, shrill melody erupted from the weapon.
Sunshine lollipops and rainbows
Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're togeth…
"I thought adding a radio feature would be nice… Ugh, nevermind." He slammed the blaster against the ground and silence came back. "Ah, there it is!"
He pressed the right button, and a yellowish beam delicately touched her wound, transforming its appearance into a clean cut and sealing it shut.
"Whoa! It healed me!"
"It only works on superficial wounds. You know, that whole prototype thing."
"Still, that's splendid! Pity for the pants, but I should be able to restitch them in no time. Thanks, em…" She gave his tattoo a puzzled look. "Nathaniel? Nestor?" Cortex shook his head twice. "Napoleon, perhaps?"
"Seriously?"
"Why, you're both short guys with a domination kink… Not that I see anything wrong with that, of course." She replied with one of her grins that never failed to throw him off beyond reason.
"It's uh—" he hesitated, pointing to his forehead. "Actually it doesn't stand for…I mean I does, kinda! But it also doesn't. Everyone calls me C…"
She gently pressed his arm as if to soothe his nervousness.
"'N' as in 'Not my business'. Got it."
"What about you? It would be a downright shame if you remained the 'Gargoyle girl'."
"I wouldn't mind. My real name isn't half as cool!" Saying so, she got up, quickly followed by Cortex, and scanned her surroundings. "Mmh, looks like we landed in the park. We should part ways and return to our dorms before Amberley spawns again."
"Let's hope she didn't see us."
"Pfff, no way! It's pitch black out there." She gauged him for a moment. "She scares the wits out of you, doesn't she?"
"I reckon you're right: we should leave." Cortex cut short, desperate to change the subject. "The longer we stay here, the higher the risk."
"Guess I'll see you around then?" she asked, offering him a handshake.
"Most certainly."
He clasped her hand, softly tracing circles on its back with his thumb. The girl gave him a quick nod and disappeared into the night.
—
"What?" Cortex exasperated while scribbling in his notebook. None of the things he wrote down made sense, for the usually grandiose convolutions of his mind were now nothing but a web of perplexity, entangled in a dark snare of hair and veiled in flowery vapors. In front of him sat Gin and Brio, who had been gazing at him blankly for hours.
"N-nothing," Brio said with faked nonchalance.
"You two haven't uttered a word all morning!"
"Well it's a library, it's not like we're not supposed to talk…" Gin argued.
"Playing dumb doesn't befit any of you, surprisingly enough. So I strongly recommend you spit it out!"
"Where did you go last night?"
Cortex sighed.
"In the park, Gin, for a stroll. Geeze, you're being more intrusive than my own mother!" He paused and stroked his beard. "That being said, I blew her to pieces. Mmh, perhaps one thing explains another…"
"But did anything happen out there? You were making some noises in your sleep."
"Yeah, what else is new?"
"Not the usual yells. It was more like moans, actually."
"He must be sick then," Brio simply said.
"What are you talking about, he looks magnificent! Aw, and you should've seen his cute smiley face…"
"Probably the f-flu," Brio went further. "The other day I was reading this article about the health benefits of p-preventive trepanation. Why don't we give it a shot?"
"Are your screws loose? Noone is getting their skull opened!" Cortex protested sharply. "And Gin, what did I tell you about watching me sleep?"
"That if I ever did it again, you would gather all my jazz records, sort them in alphabetical order, then fuse them into a big spiky ball and shove it right up my…"
"A-as a matter of fact," Brio cut, "I heard the 'Worst 10' has been released. It's in the main hall. We should go and check it out."
"Whatever," Cortex sighed. "As long as you two stop scrutinizing me."
Being Neo Cortex was the greatest blessing one could be bestowed with, yet it often unleashed passions—mostly of the undesirable kind—from his fellow students. Despite these years of shameless bullying—one of the only things Madame Amberley was permissive about— he had managed to raise himself at the top of the academic hierarchy. Published in the beginning of every school year, the 'Worst 10' listed the students who'd distinguished themselves with their scholarly prowesses. Unsurprisingly, and unlike in his other areas of interest, he always finished first. Every. Single. Time.
Thus the three of them walked to the main hall, where many students were already gathered.
"Mwahaha, looks like you Einsteins dropped one place." Cortex chuckled as he skimmed the list and read his friends' names. "Sooner you than m…"
His condescending grin quickly faded when he saw the top rankings.
Worst 10
School year 1977-78
RANK NAME SPECIALIZATION
1 Villainous Vogue Design
2 Evil Engineering
3 Fiendish Physics
4 Abominable Alchemical Arts
"Uh-oh," Gin said, exchanging an embarrassed look with Brio. Then to Cortex : "Remember yesterday when I said I wanted to introduce someone to you?"
"Ugh, no, Nancy, because I wasn't listening!" Gin jolted lightly. He wasn't used to being called by his first name. "This affront to my genius is utterly intolerable! Wait till I get my hands on the impudent maggot who dares to challenge my brilliance!"
The murmurs behind their backs were growing louder and drowned out his venomous diatribe, for the darn list was plastered all over the corridors. All eyes were now locked in the same direction. Frothing at the mouth, Cortex stepped forward to face the architect of his demise. D. Bauchery… could a name be more preposterous than that?
The gargoyle girl was standing in the middle of the hallway. Her visage, so captivating it could distract even the most focused of evil geniuses, showed a baffled expression. Ignoring the rest of the crowd, her eyes wandered on Cortex – whose blood pressure skyrocketed – before focusing on Gin and Brio.
"What's with the grim faces?" she asked the two minions.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about!" Brio stuttered.
"Hey you!" Gin squeaked before he uttered hesitantly, patting Cortex's shoulder : "This is Neo Cortex, the friend we've told you about."
She tilted her head on the side and smiled.
"Neo, huh?"
"And Cortex…" Gin went on, obviously trying to delay the inevitable. "This is Dahlia. Dahlia Bauchery."