LOVE ADVICE
It was a tough day for Peter Quill. He tried all he could to impress Gamora, the one girl he really felt a connection with, but she was out of his league, no matter how hard he tried to win her over. She brushed off his flirting attempts every single time he tried. Indeed, his greatest weapon was his "pelvic sorcerery", yet Gamora was completely immune to it.
Luckily, Quill always had his other buddies to talk to. There were no missions today, so Quill walked around the ship, looking for one of his friends to talk to. Mantis was busy screwing with Kraglin's arrow while he slept, so they were out of the question.
Quill went to Rocket's room, but he and Groot were busy working on some new battery-powered guns or something.
"Shit!" exclaimed Quill, going into a hall and kicking the wall. "I'm the captain of this ship, and no one even bothers to hang out with me... dude, this su-"
"Hello, Quill."
Quill shouted in surprise, not seeing Drax as he stood nearby, quietly eating a packet of Zarg Nuts.
"Dude! You really gotta start announcing your presence before you sneak up on someone and scare the shit out of 'em!"
"I said 'hello, Quill', what more do you want?"
Quill sighed and sat on a nearby seat.
Drax finished his snack and sat beside his companion.
"Something troubles you. I see it on your face. You look frustrated."
"Bro, it's no big deal," responded Quill. "I just found out I'm not exactly Gamora's cup of tea."
"...You've just discovered that you aren't a cup of tea? That is embarrassing, Quill."
"No! Dude, metaphor! We've talked about this."
"Oh," said Drax, realizing his error and nodding. "So, tell me about your problem. Gamora refuses to accept you as her drinking container?"
"No! God, you need a new education system."
"Hey! Do not get personal. I was perfectly educated when I was just a small, hideous Kylosian child."
"Not the point," muttered Quill.
"Well, what exactly is the point?"
Quill realized his friend was genuinely reaching out to him, and so he finally took a chance to explain.
"You know how, when... okay, I really like Gamora. I mean, I really like her. I wanna have a relationship with her. But, I can't. She won't accept me. It's just, it's complicated."
Drax nodded, patting Quill on the back slowly.
"...What're you doing?"
"I'm trying to comfort you. Patting is a sign of comfort."
"Mantis told you that, didn't she?"
"Yes, why?"
"Cause it ain't working, stop it."
Drax pulled his hand away.
"Well, perhaps words of comfort. I, too, felt like I was unworthy of love, once. I've told you of my wife, Ovette?"
"Yeah, yeah..."
"She did not accept me at first. She said I was too, oh, what did she say? Thick-headed, that's it."
Quill burst out laughing at Drax's confession, but one glare from his friend shut him up.
"Anyways... I tried every other day to win her over. Her father, too, thought me thick-headed. Wait, no, dick-headed, he sa-"
Quill burst out laughing once again, but quickly shut up when Drax reached down for his knife.
"As I was saying, even her father did not accept me. But, I did not give up. Whenever she was near and others were dancing, I stood by, not moving at all. One could see me and mistake me for that of a statue. She knew she liked what she saw, as did I. Soon, her dissatisfaction with dancing made her befriend me. And friendship, Quill, is the key to love."
"Woah. Have I been knocked upside the head, or are you making sense for a change?"
At Quill's words, Drax smacked him hard in the back of the head.
"Ow! Dude, what the hell?"
"No, I am making sense."
Drax stood up, heading down the hall.
"Where you think you're going?"
"Mantis and I were going to prank Kraglin," responded Drax, not looking back as he left.
Quill heard a chuckle, and turned around to see Gamora.
"Ah! Oh, um, heyyy..." Quill awkwardly tried to look comfortable.
"...You do realize I heard everything?"
"What?!"
"I heard you yell... I had to see what it was about."
"...That grey dickhead."
"GET HELP!"
The young Asgardian prince snuck up the hall, looking towards the kitchens.
"Thor! I'm telling you, this is a terrible plan."
"Hush, Loki. Father said stay out of the chef's way, but he didn't say stay out of the kitchens."
"Actually, he did say that. Explicitly!"
"You can't live without a little risk, brother. Now, how will we get in there?"
"I still don't understand why you insist on ruining Father's banquet."
"I've told you! He's delayed my coronation too long. I'm simply putting Father in his place! Never put meat in front of a beast and expect it to not be devoured."
"Your logic, Thor, it's astounding," the young god of mischief remarked sarcastically.
"Shut up. Now, if we can eliminate the chef and his cooks, we can get our hands on some food and some mead in our bellies!"
"Why couldn't you get Sif to do this with you?"
"She's busy with the invitations. Besides, Father keeps expecting me to have relations with her someday."
"Oh, that's rich, even from Father."
"Now! How will we eliminate them?"
"Gee, Thor, will I make the distraction while you get the food?"
"No, we already did that after our electives yesterday. Loki! Dear brother! I've just had a grand idea!"
"What?"
"We'll pretend you're dying, and I'll shout "Get help!" and then I'll throw you into them, you use your magic to lock ourselves in, and the food's all ours!"
"...That is the most stupid idea I've ever heard of, we're not going to do it."
"Get help! My brother's dying!"
Thor had Loki slumped over his shoulder while he rushed in, and threw Loki directly at the chef and his cooks as they rushed over, knocking them out cold.
Loki got up, straightening his clothes.
"We're never doing that again."
"All right, but lock the doors already."
Loki used his magic to close the doors, locking them.
The brothers turned, but instead of seeing mountains of food, Odin himself stood before them.
"Well, if it isn't my sons." said Odin in a regretful tone.
"Father, I can explain," said Thor.
"Please," replied Odin.
"...It was all his idea!" exclaimed Thor, pointing at Loki.