JENNIE

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Kim Sooya or better known as Jisoo hires me. We click like long-lost friends. Sisters. Like I did with Chaeng.

"I got the job!" I yell, calling Lisa from my hotel room in Manhattan after my meeting with Jisoo.

"That's great. When am I getting rid of you?"

I giggle. "Soon. January eighth. I put it in your planner on the tenth—just a guess. But I don't really expect you to take the day off for me. Oh my god … I have to give all my clients notice. This. Is. Happening!"

"Stop. I want to take you to the airport."

"What are you doing?" I stare at the ceiling as I plop back onto the bed.

"I just fed Harry."

"Jesus … HARRY!" I shoot to sitting. "Harry Pawter. Shit. I haven't even thought about him. I can't take him with me. Jisoo said last year she was at her apartment in Manhattan for less than ten days total. I … I'm going to have to find a new home for him." The male cat I didn't want has me all choked up. Stupid JK.

"Why? He has a home."

"No. He's not your cat. I won't dump that responsibility on to you. And you're gone a lot."

"If you could see him on my lap right now, you wouldn't say he's not my cat."

"Lisa …" I blink back my tears.

"It's fine. If I'm gone for an extended time, I'll ask a neighbor to feed him."

"I don't know …"

"What? You're going to give him to some stranger? What happens when you're done traveling? Won't you want your cat?"

"Why are you so good to me?"

She chuckles. "Good question."

I grin and roll my eyes. "Will I see you in the morning? I'll be home early."

"Nope. I fly out early as well. I'll be gone overnight."

"Well, safe travels."

"You too, Jen."

I disconnect and wince as my heart suffers in conflict. I got the job. It's a huge opportunity for me professionally and on a personal level. I can't wait to travel the world with Jisoo. But … I'm going to miss my wife. So very much.

We blink.

That's it.

One tiny blink and New Year's passes with Lisa in flight and me watching the ball drop from the comfort of Lisa's sofa with Harry Pawter next to me.

Some packing.

Several dinners together.

Good wine.

Many laughs. And a few tears when Rosé comes up in conversation—my tears. Lisa is much stronger.

Then … it's my day to leave for Hawaii early in the morning.

I remind Lisa that I can get a cab or an Uber, but she's already taken the day off. On the way to the airport, Lisa goes through a checklist of things for me, like: did I remember my medication, and do I have plenty of money?

When we get to the terminal drop-off, she sets my suitcase on the sidewalk and closes her trunk before turning to me.

My nerves are fried. It's the excitement and fear of what's to come for me; it's traveling to Hawaii, but mostly it's the goodbye that's just seconds away. The half bagel I forced down before we left home compounds the nausea from my nerves as it sits in my stomach like a brick.

"You have no idea when you'll be back?" she asks for the hundredth time.

I shake my head and shrug. "Jisoo lets life lead her. We might be back in two weeks or two months … or longer."

Ten days. Last year she was home ten days out of three hundred and sixty-five. That's three hundred and fifty-five days without Lisa—if she's home when I come home.

Home. Is her home mine? Do I really have a home or do I simply have a cat and a woman who gave me health insurance and a roof over my head?

"You have me as your emergency contact in your phone, right?"

I return another nod, rubbing my nervous lips together. I'll probably have a fucking seizure before she can pull away from the curb.

This is it. I'm going to lose it so hard, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Jesus … here it comes.

"Hey … no. What's this all about?" Lisa palms my face with both hands and catches my tears with her thumbs like little windshield wipers. My lower lip quivers, and I fight like hell to keep from going into an all-out ugly cry.

"Happy tears." Again, I try to swallow that boulder in my throat. "They're happy tears." I do my best to reassure her, but it doesn't completely erase the concern in her eyes.

Her beautiful brown eyes.

Her handsome smile.

That sharp jaw covered in scratchy whiskers that she keeps at the perfect length—Lisa is the most beautiful person inside and out. And I'm going to miss her like crazy.

"I … I'm worried that I'm going to feel inadequate working with Jisoo. And … there's you."

"Me?" Lisa narrows her eyes.

"I know you're okay. I do. But what if you're not? What if you get a bad case of the blues? People do, ya know. It can be months, even years, after losing a spouse. I just need to know that if that happens, you'll call me to talk. Or your family."

Lisa chuckles, still wiping my face with her thumbs. "Please don't worry about me. I'm good. I'll be fine. I'll hold my shit together. If for no one else, I'll do it for Harry Pawter."

"I know. Sorry." I pull away. "It's stupid. I'm stupid for acting this way. Maybe it's just the flight. It's a really long flight."

"Jen?"

I glance up at her.

"You left the milk out last night, but I put it away."

It takes me a few seconds to realize what she's doing. It's the same thing I did to her behind the shed. A whiplash subject change to lighten the mood. To make me smile. So that's what I do. I smile. I can't help it. "Sorry," I say on a tiny laugh. "It won't happen again."

I didn't have milk last night. She just … gets me.

Lisa purses her lips and nods. "Good. I hope not."

That makes me giggle a little more.

"Now, get going."

"Yeah." As I reach for the handle of my suitcase, Lisa grabs my other hand, turning me back to her.

My gaze goes right to my hand in hers, then I find her eyes. They're contemplative, making me feel things I know I shouldn't feel. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"Rosé would be so proud of you. And she would tell you to get on that plane and not look back."

More tears sting my eyes as I nod. I know. I know she'd be proud of me. "And you? What do you say?"

She blows a quick breath out her nose and smiles. "I'd say listen to Rosé. Have fun. This was the life you were born to live. But be smart."

I return another nod.

"Call if you need anything. If I'm flying, I'll get back to you as soon as I land. Okay?"

Again, I nod in lieu of speaking actual words that would choke me up. If she doesn't release my hand, I'm going to melt into a puddle at her feet, and it will be way more than the allotted ounces of liquid to be carried onto a plane.

I'm leaving my wife because I'm twenty-four and need to find my own life.

I'm leaving my wife because I owe it to my dreams to chase them until I catch them.

I'm leaving my wife because … she's not real.

Lisa releases my hand and hugs me.

For a brief second, I stiffen, but the way I feel in her embrace feels too right not to relax into it, not to inhale her, not to miss her already.

"I'll work hard so this job leads to something permanent. Insurance. Or a husband so you can be free of me for good."

Lisa releases me as a few wrinkle lines form along her forehead. "Just … follow your dreams. Make that your job and let the rest work its way out." She doesn't address the husband comment. Really, what do I expect her to say?

I love you, Jennie. And I'm your wife, you don't need a husband.

She doesn't say that, so I take my suitcase handle again. "Okay." I smile, thinking of Chaeng's final words to me. Goodbyes suck. I didn't say it to her, and I'm not saying it to Lisa.

Her smile barely moves her lips, but it's still there as she nods like that's her goodbye. No words, just a tiny acknowledgment.

Throwing my weight into it, I lug my stuff toward the door.

"Jennie?"

My heart crashes into its cage with the velocity of my sudden turn. Then it completely stops beating for a few breaths to hear what she has to say. "Yeah?"

I wait for her to say something unforgettable, something romantic. I wait for her to say fuck it and rush toward me, taking me in her arms and kissing me with abandon. But my fairy-tale thoughts are just that—a fairy tale.

I wait.

And wait.

Her gaze wanders to the side as if she's searching for the words. The lines on her forehead deepen while she bites her lips between her teeth.

It's … killing me!

When her gaze returns to mine, she offers a second helping of that barely detectable smile. "I love that hoodie on you. It brings out the blue in your eyes. And you have … nice eyes."

Seriously … my heart is on the verge of a prison break, but I gather my composure and cant my head to the side, feigning emotional confidence. "Ms. Manoban, are you trying to give me a little bounce?"

Lisa's smile doubles as she shrugs one shoulder. "Maybe."

"I like your …" My lips twist for a second, then I shake my head slowly and head toward the automatic doors.

"You like my what?" she calls.

"It's too long," I say without glancing back at her. "The list is too long."

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Jisoo's been in Oahu a few days, so by the time I make it to the hostel, she's already settled into the dorm room, waiting for me in her bikini. "Hey, how was your flight?" She jumps down from the top bunk bed.

I survey the room.

"I know. It's small but affordable. We're not here to sit in a fancy rental or hotel room. It's all about the adventure and the landscape."

After a tiny shrug, I heave my suitcase onto the lower bunkbed. "Full disclosure?"

Jisoo pulls her straight black hair into a ponytail. The last time I saw her it was naturally curly. I know from her social media accounts that she never has the same look two days in a row; she might find me boring.

"It's a little late for full disclosure. I already hired you, but sure … what do you need to disclose?"

"I've lived out of my car more than once, so hostels will feel like five-star resorts."

"And they're cheap." Jisoo winks, sliding her arms into a pink and orange floral kimono cover-up. "Twenty-five dollars a night. Now get out of those boring jeans, put on your cutest bikini, and meet me out front. We have a car waiting for us and a full afternoon of work. You will never be homeless again, babe."

Work.

I grin while nodding. Is this really work?

Oahu has the most picturesque jungles and mountains, a volcano with deep craters down the side of it that look like claw marks, swirly textured rock formations at Lanai Lookout that are any photographer's dream, and the most vibrant blue and aqua water the Pacific has to offer.

How did this become my life? In less than a year, I've been homeless, stuck in a terrible relationship, buried in debt, hired by a couple who have changed my life forever, lost a dear friend, married, and now I'm traveling the world … the freaking world … taking photographs with a woman who is my spirit animal.

"So you never told me…" Jisoo clicks through the photos on her camera as we're driven back to the hostel just after sunset "…who are you leaving behind? I mean, when we met in New York, you casually said nobody, and I let it slide at the time. But everyone has someone they leave behind if they move, travel the world…" she glances over at me with a wrinkled nose, one nostril pierced with a small gold loop "…or die."

On a tiny laugh, I nod several times. "True. I suppose. I left behind a cat named Harry Pawter and …" And what? Or who? Lisa. My wife. Can I tell her that?

"And?"

I shake my head and stare out my window at the fading shoreline. "I have a mom who I haven't seen in years. No other family that I know of."

"Who's taking care of Harry Pawter?"

"A friend. Uh … a roommate, I suppose."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa …" Jisoo sets her camera on her lap and shifts her body, giving me her full attention. "A friend? A roommate you suppose? That's the story I want. Spill. I want every detail. I deserve every detail. We are spending the next year together. No secrets. When I hook up with someone, you'll know about it. When I'm having my period, you'll know about it. No personal boundaries. Sorry."

I give her a long look for several seconds, but she's right. A year is a long time in any relationship. "I've been staying with a couple who hired me to clean their house. They discovered I was living out of my car and insisted I stay with them. Chaeng, the wife, died of cancer at the end of summer and…" I bite my lips together for a breath "…now I'm living with Lisa, her gp wife. Ex. Whatever. She's taking care of Harry Pawter for me."

Jisoo's lips twist to the side for a second. "An older couple?"

"Older than me."

"You're twenty-four, so technically twenty-five—my age—is older than you."

"They're in their thirties. Well, were, I mean … she was. She died. Lisa's obviously still alive and watching my cat."

After a few slow blinks, her head cocks to the side. "You're living with a gp girl in her thirties? Her wife died, and you're still living in their house?" When she says it, it sounds weird.

It doesn't feel weird. Okay, maybe a little weird.

"Just temporarily. I became good friends with her wife. Chaeng wanted me to look after her."

With a slow raise of her eyebrows, she gives me several exaggerated blinks. "She found her replacement before she died."

"What?" I shake my head. "No. That's not it at all."

"Did they have children?"

I shake my head.

"Jen … wake up! Chaeng chose you to replace her, to give her wife a new life and lots of babies. You are the healthy, fertile, young chosen one."

My face fills with heat as I avert my gaze to the rearview mirror, wondering if the driver is paying attention to our conversation. "No," I say in a soft voice. "Nice try."

"Is Lisa sexy?"

This makes the driver shoot me a quick glance in his mirror.

I immediately slide my gaze back to Jisoo. "She's … fine. I guess. She was my friend's wife. I don't look at her like that."

"Liar." She grins.

I know … deep down I know I'll end up telling her about the marriage, but not now. Not on our first day of a long adventure.

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