BPOV
I lean against the bar while I wait for Jazz to make my high-tops drink orders. Today was my first night back since I took off for the holidays.
I tried to sweet talk Esme into letting me work since I came home, but she wouldn't hear any of it. She told me I wasn't on the schedule anyway and not to worry about it.
A part of me wished that she would have just let me work. I needed to stay busy and keep my thoughts off Charlie's betrayal. It was kind of hard to do that when said father called me morning, noon, and night.
When he didn't take the hint that I wasn't speaking to him he resorted to getting Jake involved. He showed up at my apartment fresh off his flight from SeaTac yesterday morning telling me I needed to hear Charlie out.
I was clear with Jake that I'd hear him out once I've cooled down. To be honest, I probably won't thaw until I get the nerve to reach out to Renee.
The cyber-stalking hasn't helped; it only made me realize that she left her old life only to start a new one. Her new family was an upgrade.
Phil, her husband, was a former pitcher for the Marlins. Charlie lived for baseball but he only watched it religiously on TV, the only reason he had cable was for ESPN. I wonder if he knew my step-father's profession.
My guess would be yes, but I no longer felt that I truly knew my father.
Liam, my brother was some kind of natural-born athlete, whereas I was the most uncoordinated person alive. I remember Renee's failed attempt at forcing me into dance when I was five. I partially lifted my leg and fell over and she berated me for not holding onto the barre.
The memory was so fresh.
So, to see her beaming with pride at Liam in a lot of the photos the local Florida papers have taken of the happy family, said a lot.
Edward's argument was that she had written to me after all this time, so he said that's a clear indicator that my lack of athletic ability wasn't a concern for her.
"So, how was your Christmas and New Year's?" Jazz asks.
My brain instantly goes to drunken kisses and the wrapping bows I strategically placed on each boob and my hooch. And how Edward's face lit up at midnight after we put the rest of Hadley's gifts out.
On New Year's, we let Hadley stay up until midnight but celebrated the same way as we did Christmas. The only difference was I let him pound into me from behind.
"Maybe I should ask how was the PG version of your holiday?" Jazz asks, rolling his eyes since my glazed-over look gave him his answer.
I show him my Spider-Man heart bracelet from my Sweets.
"From Hadley?"
I nod in confirmation.
It's my most prized possession next to the delicate Tiffany's circle pendant Edward had gifted me with. Both were special in their own ways.
Edward loved the gift of myself that I gave to him as much as this whacky Star Wars tie I got him for work.
"How was your Christmas and New Year's?" I ask back.
"I mostly worked, but Ali and I stayed in and celebrated with her aunt," he tells me. "Next year we talked about possibly going back to Texas to visit with my MeeMaw."
He hands me my drinks and I take them over to my table.
"Here you go ladies," I say with a smile.
Once I have their drinks situated, I noticed someone had taken a seat at the high-top in the back corner, their face hidden by their menu.
No one was sitting there when I headed over to the bar.
I go and get a glass of water and a coaster for the table.
"Hi, welcome to Le Cygne. I'm Bella and I will be serving you this evening," I say as I place the coaster down and sit the water on it.
I grab for my notepad but almost drop it when the menu is lowered.
"Bella," Renee breathes out.
I'm frozen, not sure how I should feel about this ambush or even how she'd know where I'd be. I was more comfortable reaching out to her, never in a million years did I think she'd show up in New York.
I blink.
She looks the same as I'd remember, only slightly older.
Her eyes are hazel and her hair is still light brown, sun-kissed. It used to be longer, waist length with waves but now it was shoulder length.
Time had been kind to her and she looked great, happy.
I had her face and build, but I knew that from the cyberstalking.
I wondered if it hurt Charlie to look at me sometimes. As I got older, I would notice him looking at me almost wistfully but then he would sigh and the moment had passed.
She's wearing a cream chunky sweater that hangs off her shoulder. Her slacks were wide-leg and tan. I noticed her camel teddy coat hanging off her chair. Her wedding band set was flashy and the diamond big.
She screams elegance.
"Uh," I start.
"Charlie called me," she explains breathlessly.
I shake my head.
Why?
He kept her away this long, why now? Was this him trying?
"I'm, uh, working," I tell her, glancing over to where Jazz is watching me with concern.
I turn back to her and she looks defeated.
"I shouldn't have come here," she mumbles in regret. "He gave me your apartment address but said you stay at your boyfriend's place a lot… I was here yesterday but you weren't working, one of the guys told me you'd be here tonight…" she rambles.
"I'm here until close, I already took my break—"
"Can I can meet you after close?" she asks hopefully.
I was going to Edward's after work but I'd text him later to let him know my delay.
"I get done at eleven," I tell her, hoping that it's too late for her.
I wanted to talk with Renee on my own terms and be prepared, but now, if she decides to wait for me, I feel like I won't get that advantage.
"Okay, I can come back. I was planning on eating here—"
"Oh, you can stay and eat," I offer awkwardly.
She smiles and nods.
"Can I get an Aperol Spritz?"
I nod dumbly before I scramble to the bar.
"Jazz?" I ask once I'm close to him behind the bar.
"Who is that?"
"My mother," I mumble.
His eyes widen.
"Yeah," I say, letting out a breath. "Can you do me a solid and get her an Aperol Spritz and then cover her table? I'll switch you out of here."
"Sure, no problem. If you need anything tap Ang in to help you out," he says as he makes Renee's drink.
"Okay, thanks I really appreciate it," I tell him earnestly.
He takes my hand giving it a squeeze before he moves around me to serve Renee. She looks disappointed that I wasn't the one serving her, but this is all too weird for me to be like 'Oh, would you like the salmon bites? They're a best seller.'
No, it doesn't hit.
Esme walks out from the kitchen a few minutes later and leans against the bar.
"What's with the switch?" she asks as I make an espresso martini for the lady at the end who ordered it.
I wave her over to me.
She hurries over.
"What?" she asked curiously.
"My mother is sitting over there," I say quietly into her ear.
Her jaw drops.
"I know," I tell her as I hold up a finger for her to wait so I can drop the drink off to the customer.
"How did she know where to find you?" she asks once I return.
"Charlie," I inform flatly.
"How do you feel about that?" she asks while eyeing me carefully.
I shrug.
"I'm not happy about the ambush, but I feel like maybe it might be better this way? Charlie always has said that I need a fire lit under my ass sometimes."
"Do you think that's what he was doing?"
"I haven't spoken to him in over a week. Maybe this is his way of trying to fix things with me?" I say this like it's a question; who knows at this point what his intentions were?
"Need me to call Edward?"
"Could you just let him know I might be a while after work?"
She nods.
I have no clue where Renee is staying but I wasn't taking her all the way to Brooklyn. I know Edward is going to be pissed that I wasn't riding back with Jazz. Buddy system and all that on nights I work.
Renee pretty much stays until close which is equal parts annoying and uncomfortable. She watches me as I work, Jazz even brings it up more than once.
There was a connection there, I could feel it, but it was probably because we share DNA. This woman was a stranger to me otherwise and I was planning on remaining cautious with her.
I close up with Jazz and Ang and meet with Renee out by the front entrance.
"Where are you staying?"
"The Carlyle, they have a bar we can talk at," she offers.
My eyes widen because The Carlyle is swanky and celebs are known to stay there. I also know that their bar has a dress code. I kept my uniform on so I might pass.
"Phil, he commentates for ESPN occasionally," she says as if that is a reasonable explanation.
Em works for ESPN and he never gets these kinds of perks but he's only a blog writer. The suite seats were as good as it got for us.
I don't voice this to her, I only nod.
I follow her down the street until she's hailing a cab.
Once we're in the cab, I notice a text from Edward.
Have you left yet? – E
We have. She's staying at The Carlyle so we're headed there. – B
Esme's coming over to watch Hadley. - E
Hadley should be asleep. - B
You know what I mean. - E
What you mean is that you're on your way. – B
I follow up with.
You know there is a dress code here. – B
Good thing I'm wearing my work clothes. – E
I shake my head.
You can sit at the bar, away from us in quiet support. – B
No argument from me there. – E
"Am I keeping you?" Renee asks me with a frown.
"No, I was going to ride back to Brooklyn with my coworker. My boyfriend, Edward, was just checking in. I was supposed to head back to his place," I explain.
"You both live in Brooklyn?"
I nod.
"A few blocks away from each other."
"Charlie didn't say much, only that you have a boyfriend," she says absently.
I'm very curious how that conversation went since Charlie despised her or at least that's the vibe I got from him hiding every single form of communication from me. I had thought about him only hiding everything as a way to hurt her.
She didn't know all those years that I hadn't known about it all. For all she knew he gave me the letters and I tore them up.
"Yes, I have a boyfriend who Dad isn't fond of," I say bluntly.
"Oh," is all she says.
"He has a daughter, dad thinks he's trying to trap me into being her mother. It's a touchy subject with him," I say, waving my hand around nonchalantly.
"How old is his daughter?" she asks conversationally but there is something else to it.
"Nine."
"Liam— my son is ten."
I nod.
We arrive at the hotel in no time.
The doorman gets our doors, it doesn't escape me when he greets her as Mrs. Dwyer. She's important. I can see it in the way the staff fusses over her when we enter the lobby. It takes very little for us to get into the bar.
I remain quiet and observe.
Is this why she left, so she could get accustomed to a certain kind of lifestyle? Charlie said something about her sleeping with a professor.
Was she only trying to climb her way to the top? Was this the top?
"Charlie told me you were quiet, reserved," she says once we're sitting at a table.
"He told you a lot, huh?" I ask glancing up from the menu.
"Not really, there was a lot of silence and grunting on his end," she admits, and that describes him perfectly, so I believe it.
"Did he tell you why he called?"
"He said that his wife put my letters out for you to find," she says as she eyes me warily. "I know he was very upset with the way you found out."
"He shouldn't have hid them from me," I say flatly.
"You're right, but Charlie I'm sure was doing it to protect you," she says while playing with her napkin.
I eye her, everything about her screams guilty.
For as glamorous as she appears, there is a naiveté that radiates from her. Ms. Shelly alluded to her being flighty and scatterbrained for the short time I've been around her. I'm beginning to see what she means.
"You signed away your rights, why?"
"You cut right to the chase," she jokes.
I raise an eyebrow.
"I'm not sure where to even begin or what Charlie has told you."
"He's told me nothing," I keep it simple.
She nods.
Our waitress breaks the moment to take our orders. I order a bourbon straight because I know I'm going to need it as we navigate this conversation.
"You know you're grandparents?"
I nod.
"Gran lives in Portland," I say because I've only seen her every couple of years since my grandfather died when I was in high school.
"They disowned me when I left Forks. They sided with Charlie—"
"You don't talk to Gran?"
"She won't answer my calls.
My parents were very strict. I wasn't allowed to date until I was eighteen. After I graduated and started dating Charlie they liked the idea that I was dating someone who was attending the Police Academy in Port Angeles," she explains, still twisting the hell out of her napkin.
I frown as I watch her.
"He proposed after six months of dating—"
"Wait, in your letters you were going to UDub at first, right? So was that not your plan after graduation?" I ask not understanding the gap in her timeline.
"I worked at the diner, my parents didn't have the money to send me to college," she says with more guilt.
"How could you afford to go so many years later?" I ask having an idea of how she probably used spousal privileges to fudge her financial aid.
She looks down.
"You used Dad's income for your financial aid and then you got more when he divorced you after the fact," I say nostrils flaring.
"I always wanted to be a teacher—"
"Did you ever love Charlie?" I ask because I think I understand my father and his bitterness better.
She heaves out a sigh.
"He was a good man… he was a good father to you, Bella. Since the day he found out I was pregnant with you, he wanted to be your father."
"You just didn't want to be my mother—"
"I wanted you but I also wanted my life," she says brokenly.
The waitress sits my drink in front of me and I down it in one go before asking for another one. Renee watches me warily.
She's a grown woman, in her early forties, but at the moment she looks like a scolded child. I needed her to give me the truth.
"Why did you sign your rights away?" I ask again.
"I made a series of mistakes that your father and Gran held over me, I really had no choice. Looking back, I think they were probably right at the time, but after I got my shit together I regretted doing it," she says pleading with me to understand.
"What were the series of mistakes?"
She doesn't answer me at first, only watches me down the second drink.
"I recommend you tell me if you want me to hear you out," I threaten.
She came all this way and I at least deserve the truth.
"I cheated on Charlie while we were married, I had an affair with a professor, my roommate got me hooked on speed, I was put on academic probation, I got kicked out for the affair—" she rattles off quickly.
I went to UDub and kept to myself, I couldn't imagine doing one, if not all the things she did at my current age. She was older when she went to school and had gotten into all that trouble.
"Okay, I think I get the gist of Charlie's 'ask your mother'," I say, cutting her off.
"My roommate was from Arizona. Her father had pull at ASU so I was about to get in there. I had nothing and knew I couldn't come back to Forks. Your dad made it clear I wasn't welcomed back and your Gran had disowned me at that point," she rushes out her explanation.
"So, you shaped up when you got to Arizona?" I ask dryly.
"I buckled down and met Phil. He has always been motivated in everything he's ever done. School, the minors, and then the majors. He gave me purpose," she says and I see how in love she is with her husband.
"You met in college."
She nods.
"You wrote those letters regardless of all your mistakes," I say now, twisting my own napkin.
She smiles and it's sad.
"You were my little shadow for six years, I almost came back the first week, like ten times. I never wanted to leave you, I thought we would work out a custody agreement, but I did too much damage to receive that. Your grandparents sided with Charlie. He was so overbearing—"
"I know how Dad is, I can almost see why he's like that," I mumble.
She was all over the place and he thought I would be like her. I wasn't. I was more like Charlie than I'm willing to admit to him.
"You're a lot like him," she says as if reading my thoughts. "Even when you were little. Stubborn, confident, dry-witted and you love with your whole heart. He called me because he doesn't want to lose you."
"You wrote to me with the knowledge he would never give them to me," I state.
"I wrote to you in hopes that he would forgive me enough to let you read them. You were not only my shadow but Charlie's too. You loved to go fishing with him and riding around in his cruiser."
I nod remembering how he'd always let me flash his lights.
"When I had Liam, I regretted signing my rights away," she confesses in a murmur.
Ah, the golden elephant in the room.
"He knows you're his sister," she continues. "He doesn't know the full story as to why he's never met you, only that you lived with your dad and that you're older."
I feel eyes on me and look up to see Edward sitting at the bar watching us. True to his word he's wearing his work clothes, black slacks, and a white button-down sans his usual tie.
Renee seems to notice my attention shift to the bar, I'm happy for the distraction. I didn't know what to say about Liam as I was still trying to process all of this.
I wave him over and Renee's eyes widen as he approaches. He leans down, giving me a quick peck.
"Sorry to intrude," he apologized while giving Renee a polite smile.
"Your boyfriend?" she asks, surprised.
"Edward, Renee. Renee, Edward," I introduce.
"He came to get you?" she asks with a frown.
"I didn't want her taking the train back alone," he explains.
"I could have got her a cab?" she sighs.
"Cabs to Brooklyn cost an arm and a leg and I was staying at Edward's tonight anyway," I say as I stand.
"Who's with your daughter?"
I want to snap at her because who does she think she is? Charlie?
"My neighbor is at the house until my sister can arrive," he explains with his polite smile tightening.
Renee looks defeated, but honestly, I'm glad Edward is here to save me, because I need a break. I need time to let all these revelations sink in. I need time to get all my questions together since I didn't have any time to prepare for this visit.
A piece of me wants to reach out to Charlie so he can confirm the details of her story. She may be my mother, but I don't know her well enough to trust her.
"Can we talk again?" she asks earnestly. "I'm here for the week."
I sigh.
I get my phone from my pocket and go into my contacts before handing Renee my phone.
"You can give me your number," I offer.
She eagerly takes my phone and hands it back just as quickly.
I send her a text so she has my number.
"I'll text you my schedule tomorrow," I tell her.
She stands and looks hesitant.
"Is it okay if I give you a hug?" she asks.
I cave and let her.
Her hug is firm like she never wants to let me go.
Edward and I are walking out of the bar.
"How did it go?" he asks simply.
He doesn't realize that's a very loaded question.
A/N: I'm going to be honest, I've been busy trying to win Taylor Swift tickets. Life happens. Thanks to CoppertopJ for betaing. Any mistake are my own.