A/N: Derp :P
There are times when I find myself missing my mom.
Sure, she cheated on my father, left us to be with another man, and raised a child beside him.
Sounds fucked up but that's because that's the way I see it.
Actually, that's the only way I can see it.
Even so, I can't deny that she was a good mother. She taught me how to ride a bike, played dress up with me, took me places and bought me ice cream. We bonded and that was more than what my father could do. And while my mother tried to tend to his needs, dad was more interested in the aesthetic of things. From cars to women, he was bound to hurt her.
I'm not surprised she cheated on him.
Yet, that isn't the main reason why I hold a grudge.
I saw it and it's an image I will never forget.
All I could remember is thinking "this is wrong". My mom and that man weren't supposed to be THAT close. He wasn't supposed to be TOUCHING her like that. She wasn't supposed to be SMILING.
The worse part of it all was that they looked happy.
Even so, the one thing that stood out in my mind had nothing to do with their happiness.
It had to do with MINE.
I wasn't supposed to see that shit. Mom should have been more fucking careful. It was just a hug and a little kiss to the cheek but that was enough to confuse me for years to come.
It messed me up and for that, I hold a grudge on my mother.
It was a simple careless mistake but you expect better from adults. At that age, I realized adults aren't as mighty as they try to be. I came to question everyone. And while some kids simply asked why, I was trying to analyze as well. People became subjects of research rather than humans with lives. I kept wondering if they were happy. And that could be the most dangerous question to ask.
It makes me think and I usually do that a lot. Actually, I do it too much that it's become my biggest flaw. Not my small breasts or my bushy eyebrows. I'm insecure because of my tendency to overthink other's behaviors. Whether they're important or not, I can't help but think about them. And in the end, it's me who's affected.
It almost drives me crazy.
Maybe Lily would be able to understand.
It's been about three hours since the blonde's recent tantrum. I honestly don't know what to call it but it's enough to confirm that she has serious issues. She's managed to break half of an entire frame with her bare knuckles. The shards of the aftermath took about thirty minutes to pick up. As for the rest of her apartment, it's safe to say it's livable at the least. After my mother left, I took control of the chores in my household. Cleaning Lily's apartment sort of reminds me of my own dad's mishaps. The man only ever cleaned after himself when he had guests. And by guests, I mean his never-ending one-night stands. Lily's place is far worse but I'd rather deal with her aftermaths. After all, she has every excuse…unlike my father.
The blonde is sound asleep, a sight I'm tremendously grateful to see. I watch over her as if she's a child. She's as stupid and clueless as me.
We both don't know how to deal with Luka Megurine.
And while the blonde prefers to smash up her own apartment, I'm trying my best to cope through the only way I can.
It's easy to look past my problems when I'm helping others. I've been able to do so through Miki and I assume Lily will be no different. Miki parties a lot. It's the only way she can find escape from her parent's overly strict behavior. Born and raised in a rural village in Japan, Miki's parents strive to continue their traditions. It's impressive enough that my best friend can fluently speak Japanese, let alone understand it as well. It's sort of been beaten into her so Miki sort of developed a stuttering-problem when she speaks her parent's native language. As for me, well, I sort of just naturally picked it up from my parents. Although, they argued most of the time so I mostly learned how to defend myself rather than engage in decent conversation.
I'm tempted to share of few swear words with Luka but I'm afraid she'll understand them. That woman continues to surprise and frustrate me to no end.
Besides the text messages, it's the scandalous suggestive selfies that I really regret seeing. I'm debating whether or not to confess to Lily about it. One thing for sure, right now is not the time.
I've done my best to tidy the blonde's apartment. From sweeping to disinfecting the toilet, it's at least bearable to breathe in the atmosphere for now. Yet, out of everything, it's the bedsheets that disturb me the most. It was a mission just trying to drag the blonde to her bed. I may have back-pain now thanks to her. I don't even want to think who she's been "canoodling" with and I already have a hint thanks to a certain green-haired cheerleader. I remember noticing Maika's name in Lily's phone earlier. Another one of Luka's friends that I'm sure the blonde uses as a booty-call.
I swear it's become borderline psycho that Lily's phone is blasting with texts and straight-to-voicemail calls. I've already silenced the damn thing but the glow of the screen is sure to catch my eye every time. I have no other choice but to put the phone face down and when I do, I get the urge to further my snooping. I don't mean to be this nosey but the preview texts are hard to ignore. I can already tell the blonde's pissed a few people off by failing to respond. Gumi's name keeps popping up, followed by Maika, and suddenly Meiko…
Wait.
What the fuck?
Meiko?
The preview screen allows for only a few words to appear.
NEVER how stupid do you…
I'm guessing Lily is trying to "turn" the brunette or just annoy her without a goal. Whatever the case, the fact that she's texting Lily in the first place is weird enough. The incoming text breaks into two parts thus previewing half of it. And what I see next is sure to pique my interest.
Luka doesn't want anything to do with…
SHIT.
A sinking feeling pierces my gut. It seems Lily is trying to get to Luka.
SHIT.
I need to mind my own business. I've already went through enough private matter regarding Luka and Lily. I don't need current drama to dwell on. Their past is all I wanted to know. Yet there's this nagging feeling gnawing my mind. Call it intuition but I'm suddenly becoming very doubtful. Only I don't know why.
Lily suddenly moans. A painful and low sound cutting my thoughts and directing my attention back to her state. She's sweating, blonde locks stuck to the clammy skin of her face. She releases a shaky breath, muttering nonsense as she shifts deeper into the mattress. Despite wearing nothing but simple undergarments, it does little difference to cool her. The only window in her room is the one above the head of her bed. I would have to reach over to slide it open but I'm sure I could do it without much of a problem. And the second I try, the moment I manage to adjust it halfway, an unexpected force drags me.
I don't make a sound nor can I find the will to protest. Lily's pinned me to the bed, the blonde hovering over me with a lifeless gaze. Dark, blank eyes deeply stare into my own. I have the urge to call her name, snap her out of her current daze but she's gripping my wrists so hard that I fear for her next actions. I swallow hard, all the while a painful silence continues between us. It almost suffocates me and Lily remains seemingly unaffected by my obvious discomfort. I feel her bare thighs against my own, a very unsettling contact as I struggle to remain still. Suddenly, she leans closer.
It hits me hard. Unpleasant, gag-worthy stenches surrounding and consuming my senses, I'm struggling just to breathe. I gasp, the strong scent of smoke and alcohol hitting me all at once. I feel like I'm drowning, my heartbeat frantic at this point. Lily pulls back, hands sliding down until she's gripping my hips. Then she finally speaks.
"She promises."
She tilts her head, her thumbs applying excruciating pressure. I flinch from the pain, a gasp ripping from me.
"She promises you'll love it."
She whispers familiar words.
"Did you really?" she asks.
Flashes of shameless memories return. Luka and I, our first moment in bliss and the many more that followed. Then I see her smiles, her laughter, those rare gentle moments I cherish so much.
Everything happened so fast.
It's suffocating to take in. Hot teardrops hit me from above, the source suddenly weakly laughing with a humorless tone. She leans forward and her hot breath meets my ear. Then she whispers words that cause me to stiffen and my eyes widen from a gut-wrenching truth.
"Of course you did."
She drifts back to sleep, her body relaxing against my own. Steady breathing follows; the beginning of a deep and long slumber. All the while, I'm staring at the blank ceiling as I remain under the blonde. I'm in the clear to escape her hold yet I find myself unmoving. My mind's blank, guilt has faded into an empty and cold feeling.
It sinks in slowly and painfully, tearing the little hope I have to see Luka's most vulnerable side. I dream of it day and night, a series of shameless imagery consumes my mind. From her lithe and sweaty body swaying sensually against mine to cries of passion and desperate pleas; I shudder from it all. I don't know what to blame anymore. Hormones, or emotions, whatever it is, I know I won't be able to stop it anytime soon.
I try to make sense of it all but the effort slowly dies. My eyes begin to drift, breathing becoming as steady as Lily's. Then I start to dream.
It's all flashes of the past. From my mom to Luka, everything I struggle to understand fades into a nightmare. And the worst part is that I can't seem to wake up. It's an eerie feeling, one that I'm highly familiar with. I'm conscious yet my body is unresponsive. My eyes struggle to open all the while I'm tempted give in to the slumber. I don't how long it takes but I eventually do wake up and the usual results follow. I spring up from the bed, gasping as my heart beats rapidly. Only this time, the experience doesn't occur within the walls of my room.
It's late. I should be home but my options of getting there are limited. Kaito comes into mind but it's discouraging to think of him. Then there's Luka, a very stupid idea that shouldn't even be an option in the first place. Lily is obviously too passed out so I guess I have no choice but to stay here until morning. I just hope my father continues to dismiss my whereabouts for today. He's always falling for Miki's lies and I bet my best friend has taken care of the situation without my consent. That reminds me, I should really check my messages. Hopefully my best friend is feeling a little better. She's probably wondered where I went off for the night.
The second I try to get out of Lily's bed, the blonde clutches onto me. She looks peaceful but her hold is quite aggressive. In fact, I'm struggling to remove myself from her hardening grip. She mumbles and I catch a name. I frown at the sound. Even in her dreams, Luka continues to torment the blonde. A whimper escapes and Lily pulls me further into her embrace. I panic at this, fearful that the blonde will start mistaking me for her ex-lover. It's a frightful thought, one that deepens when I hear the sound of a sudden creak. From the corner of my eye, I notice the door abruptly open and a stranger enters.
At first, he's unaware of my presence. In fact, he seems used to randomly barging into Lily's room. Even so, I can't let go of the fact that it's inappropriate for him to just waltz in here. Then again, I came here uninvited in the first place.
"Oh shit! I'm sorry!"
I immediately notice a familiar accent in his voice. In fact, I'm struck dead silent as I continue to observe him.
He's tall and rugged with tattoos visible from his chest to both of his arms, a white square-neck tank top complimenting his tone torso. Loose grey sweat-pants start just below his broad hipbones. I admit this guy is physically impressive.
"Uh, no need to worry," he nervously laughs, "I, uh, kind of live here."
People that "kind of" live anywhere are usually free-loiters. I wouldn't be surprised if this guy mooches off Lily's apartment. He gives off an incredibly strange vibe for some reason.
"I just need to pick something up," he adds, "Lily said it was in her room..."
He expects a response from me but I continue to simply stare at him. Thick, tousled, hair swept upright. A mixture of pink and brown, bright roots fading out into coffee color tresses. I get the feeling that his natural hair color is the distinctive vibrant pink I'm so awfully aware of. But aside from that, it's his eyes that stand out.
Turquoise.
No.
It can't be.
There's no way this guy's eyes are dangerously similar to Luka Megurine's.
I find myself staring deeper into his vibrant irises. The distinctive green and blue hues emit more than just a sense déjà vu. I've become so entranced, so shocked and amazed that I'm gaping.
He's highly uncomfortable at this point.
"Uh, I uh….I should uh…get going."
He quickly makes his way to the drawers on the opposite side. Meanwhile, I've become focused on his undeniable resemblance to my current torment. He retrieves a small container and awkwardly dismisses himself.
"Uh…okay, bye."
And just like that, he leaves.
I can't tell who was the most strangest in that situation. It would make sense to say it was me. I mean, I was gawking at him without a word. In fact, I freaked him out. You couldn't blame me though. I couldn't believe his eyes were the same pigment as Luka's. Even the shape came close. The doe structure emphasizing her beautiful exotic turquoise irises, I was able to see it in that man.
It's impossible that his resemblance to Luka is so strong. Put them in the same room together and you would think they're siblings.
Holy shit.
Could I be right about that? Could this guy really be…
No.
No fucking way.
This must be a dream. I'm asleep. It can't be right. This never happened. I'll just drift back to reality, wake up, and everything will be normal again. I'll ask Lily about that man and she won't know who I'm talking about. Then I'll laugh and believe that man never existed.
I didn't see Luka's brother or twin or whatever the hell he is.
It was just a dream.
It's the last thought before I drift into a slumber and the first when I wake up. I'm quick to put it aside though as I notice Lily's unoccupied space beside me. I immediately react, shooting off the bed and scrambling to the living room with hopes of seeing her present in the apartment. I wouldn't know what to do if she was gone.
I hear faint music playing in the living room, a mellow hip hop tune this time. In fact, it's highly familiar, almost as if I've heard it in Miki's room before.
I know this. It's "Island" by Nujabes.
To my surprise, no scent other than lavender lingers in the air. It's clean, so clean that I stop to admire the organized state of the room before me. I'm relieved to see Lily across from me but she seems too busy to notice my presence. Her back is turned, the sizzling sound of steam as she cooks in the kitchen. It's eerie. It's as if she never trashed the place. The atmosphere is much breathable and I get a sense of calmness from the blonde. It's a pleasing sight to see and I can't help but smile.
"Pigtails?" she calls out.
I'm quick to respond, the glee in my tone definitely noticed by the blonde.
"Yeah?"
"I should let you know that I don't allow running in my apartment," she quips.
She turns around and I see her trademark smirk. I'm so grateful to see her sober that I don't mind the goofy grin plastered on my face.
"It's not Christmas, y'know."
I roll my eyes and she snickers.
"C'mere," she says, "Are you hungry?"
I nod before setting myself at the counter. Meanwhile, Lily serves me a plate of a very masterfully executed omelet.
"I know its past breakfast but I say fuck it. It's still food, right?"
"I don't mind, it looks good," I state before taking a bite.
My eyes instantly widen at the subtle taste.
"Wow, this is actually really good."
"Are you just trying to make me feel better, Miku?"
"No, really," I add, "It's flawless. Although I admit I'm surprised it tastes as great as it looks."
"Oh, why thank you Ms. Hatsune," she playfully boasts, "I do try."
We share a laugh and the moment can't be any more perfect. I'm just glad to see her smiling.
"It has Spinach and Smoked Gouda Cheese," she adds, "I hope you don't mind but I threw in some leeks. I had the sudden urge for some reason."
"Well, you can blame me for that," I quip, "My presence probably gave you that vibe. I love leeks."
Lily snickers.
"Wow, we're already communicating telepathically. I say we seal the deal already."
We engross ourselves in a pleasant conversation. And while I contain my excitement for Lily's well-being, at the back of my mind, I'm thinking about last night. I'm pushing past Lily's actions but that strange dream keeps coming back. The moment is nice but I have to say it's also strange as well.
"My dad wanted to be a chef at one point. I learned through him," the blonde says, "An omelet is something that needs to be perfected. Dad always said the simplest of things are actually the most complicated."
"And why didn't he?" I ask.
"Well, y'know how things are," Lily sighs, "Sometimes we become the unexpected. My dad never sought out to become a porn kingpin…he sorted just stumbled on the opportunity."
I frown. I'm aware of her father's downfall. A legal conflict occurred between Bachmier Entertainment and Megurine Motors. Come to think of it, there's one crucial detail about it that I can't seem to remember right now. All I can recall Lily stating was that it was the reason why Luka had to move away when they were kids.
"What about you, pigtails?" Lily asks, "What do you wanna be?"
"Shouldn't it be obvious?" I chuckle, "A journalist, of course."
She cocks an eyebrow, the vibe suddenly turning very serious as she questions me.
"Really?"
"Well, I find it interesting and I like to write," I add, "Why wouldn't I be a journalist?
"I'm not saying you shouldn't," Lily says, "It's just…well, at your age I wanted to be one too but then…well, I lost meaning to it."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Well, the reason I wanted to pursue journalism was because I wanted to make a difference through my writing. The main idea is to represent those that are too afraid to speak up. I wanted to support breaking the LGBT stereotype. So after coming out, I was hoping to encourage others...particularly Luka."
Her steel-blue eyes lock onto me.
"Only it didn't feel that way."
She sighs.
"Contrary to what everyone says, it didn't get better. Fuck, it just got worse. I began to feel ashamed for my looks…how I dressed. Guys were still horn-dogs. Girls wanted to explore. I became a subject of sex. There was threesome proposals, jokes about "turning me" back to dick, lingering stares from curious girls. I couldn't deal with it all. And in the end, I became the very thing I hated."
She pauses.
"I became an experiment."
The nostalgia hits her and she releases a shaky breath.
"And through it all, I lost the drive to make a career out of the only way I can creatively express myself," she adds, "Now writing is just a way to pass time. Anyway, what I'm really trying to say is that people change, Miku."
She shrugs off the unpleasant vibe. It's an awkward attempt to ease the mood.
"Expect the unexpected, pigtails," Lily quips.
I snort.
"Like a pop idol?"
It's a joke. It should be more than obvious yet I find Lily staring far too intently at me.
"What?" I ask.
A smile suddenly stretches her lips.
"I could see that," she says.
Oh god. I should have said something else. Like magically transforming into poop, dammit, anything else!
"No really!" Lily adds, "You can sing. Your voice is so sweet it could give me cavities."
"Uh, thanks?"
Lily chuckles.
"No, I mean it. I can definitely see you entering that sort of industry," she says, "You already have the deliciously cute image along with that voice. That's definite potential there, Miku."
"Did you just call me…deliciously cute?"
"And you could dance," she adds, "Don't think I didn't notice at the party. Miki told-
She stops mid-sentence. The mention of my best friend triggers guilt in the blonde. And as a result, she quickly tries to cover it up with typical humor.
"Ever notice how pop stars can't dance anymore?"
I swallow hard.
There's a reason why I came to Lily's in the first place. For the sake of my best friend, I wanted answers from the blonde. Only I'm hesitant to do so right now.
"Now don't get me wrong, I like to bump up some Katy Perry but that's usually when I'm drunk off my ass."
She starts to ramble.
"I remember this one time I was driving my friend's Jeep, I almost rolled the damn thing while listening to "California Gurls."
The guilt is so painfully obvious.
"I meant Beach Boy's "California Girls" but she mistook it for that 2010 crap. Don't you just hate that? Classic song titles being mistaken for the modern pop? Like when I hear "Bang Bang", I think Nancy Sinatra not-
"Lily."
She bites her lip and averts eye contact. She definitely expects me to confront her now. And that's exactly what I do.
"We need to talk about Miki."
The blonde stiffens and crosses her arm. She braces herself.
"I know."
Steel-blue eyes struggle to meet mine.
"To be honest, I don't know what to say though," she says.
"You can start by apologizing."
Lily flinches.
"I'm so-
"Not to me," I add, "To Miki."
She finally meets my gaze.
"Of course," she says.
Although I appreciate Lily's assurance, I can't help but confront her about other matters. I can't simply let go of her recent destructive behavior. And the way I see, I'd rather deal with it now than later.
"I also feel that…we should talk about last night…Lily."
Her mouth twitches and her eyes suddenly darken in hue.
"Oh yeah?" she says, "And how much would you like to talk about?"
I can't tell if she's trying to scare me into avoiding the topic or willing to open up. Whatever the case, it's definitely got me nervous.
"You can't expect me to just drop it, Lily."
"I was high and drunk. I was a mess. It happens."
It's an excuse. One that I'm sure she's used to saying a lot.
"Lily, you punched a glass frame. You bled."
"And now I'm better, thanks to you."
Fuck, now she's getting defensive. It was only a matter of time before the tension returned. Only this time, I'll be sure to not let myself suffocate in it.
"You almost hit me with a glass bottle."
"I'm sure I missed on purpose. I wouldn't ever hurt you, pigtails."
I grimace and shift in my seat. I can still feel pain from last night. My hips are surely bruised. I'd rather not mention it though. Lily feels enough guilt already.
"You're obviously not over Luka."
"I love her."
It takes so much for me not to lash out. I don't understand what they've been through but I can't fathom how Lily could continue chasing after her. It's poison. And while I'm struggling to suck it out of my system, Lily just lets it burn within her veins.
"At least try to move on, Lily."
I'm desperate at this point. Lily is just as stubborn as Luka, probably even more than she is.
"I can't," she states through clenched teeth. Agony drips in her voice.
"Yes, you can."
"No, I can't."
"You can, Lily."
"I can't, Miku."
No matter what I say, Lily keeps pushing back. I'm losing hope and as a result, I offer a compromise.
"Tell me what to do then."
"What?"
"I'm obviously not going to get through to you by talking," I say, "So tell me what I can do."
Lily snorts.
"You're serious?"
"Actions speak louder than words," I add, "Don't you think so?"
The blonde should understand. She's the type to act before thinking. I've seen it firsthand.
"True but silence is deadlier," she says, "Don't you think so?"
I'm not too sure what she's implying but it's definitely snapped the last ounce of my tolerance. I get the feeling she just wants me to shut the fuck up. How else am I supposed to take her blunt response? I've had enough patience.
"Lily, what the fuck are you-
"Stay away from her then."
I can sense the spite in her words. I didn't expect it to hurt. I didn't expect regretting my offer as well. But I am and I don't know how to respond to such a selfish proposal.
"Whatever it is you guys have whether its friendship or fuck-buddies, I want it over now."
My fists clench and my heart beats franticly as I let the blonde's words sink in.
"Stay away from Luka Megurine."
I want to tell her that I can't but it wouldn't make sense. I've thought it over before and yes, ignoring Luka would probably do more good for me. And now that I think about it, it would help Lily as well. She can't stand seeing Luka move on, let alone with one of her friends. There's just one problem.
I don't think I'm strong enough to comply.
"You want me to stay away?" I ask, "As in-
"Don't get friendly. Be blunt. Don't make conversation. Don't acknowledge her."
It's almost degrading that I'm actually considering this. And the worst part is that I don't even think it's possible. Maybe to some extent but overall, it won't last. Eventually Luka will demand an answer for my odd behavior.
"What if she confronts me?"
"Didn't I just say don't make conversation with her?"
Luka truly brings the worst out of the blonde. Meanwhile, I'm trying my best to rationalize the situation.
"Get real, Lily," I plea, "You really think Luka is going to shrug me off? I can already see myself arguing with her."
"Wow, already on a personal level," the blonde quips, "And I thought you two were just fucking."
God damn, what a bitch.
"Lily, bear with me," I state, "It's not me you should worry about. It's Luka. I could ignore her as you want me to but that doesn't mean she's going to stop trying. If anything, it'll probably just encourage her. She doesn't like to be ignored."
"That's right she doesn't," the blonde says, "But there's a first to everything."
It won't be as simple as Lily makes it seem. She's just pestering me to give in. That way, if all fails, she will have me to blame and only me. Luka won't have any fault in it. It's unfair and I'm struggling to look past it.
"Why?" I ask, "Why like this, Lily?"
It's unfortunate that Lily is disappointing me. I thought she was better than Luka but they both crave the same thing.
They want control.
"You offered," the blonde replies, "This is all I can really ask for. Stay away from her. That's it. Hell, it's the last semester for Luka and me."
A painful reminder dawns to me.
"You once said it was impossible for me to ignore her and now you expect me to?"
"That was before I realized you were stupid," she bluntly states.
It stings. Lily and I, we did have some sort of agreement but it was never put into motion. And after the party, everything changed.
"I don't know why you're so bothered by this," she scoffs, "It's not like you fucking love her."
Another sting and holy shit does it hurt this time. In fact, I can't even respond to her anymore. It's all sinking in.
"Trust me, it'll fly by. She'll realize you're not interested and drop whatever you guys have. You had sex already. What else could she want from you?"
I was hoping at least some sort of friendship but am I just kidding myself?
"…I guess."
"See, at least you're honest," Lily says, "That is something she doesn't deserve. If anything, you're too good for her."
I don't know how to take that. Compliment or not, it doesn't make me feel any better. In fact, I feel like absolute shit. Lily could tell. It's painfully obvious. I'm fidgeting and I can no longer meet her eyes. I'm questioning this current deal yet considering it as well.
"I know it's harsh," Lily sighs, "but…when I look at you..."
She pauses.
"Miku, I see myself."
It's the same observation I experienced. Looking through Lily's old phone, it gave me the same feeling. A possible future for me, I could see it through the messages and pictures.
"And I know I'm coming off as an absolute selfish bitch. Trust me. I know. But believe me when I say this will help. Not just for me but for you as well. Think about it. What exactly do you expect from Luka? A relationship? C'mon, Miku. Think."
I've done enough of that.
In fact, I finally made up my mind.
"Okay."
I look up and meet a hopeful gaze.
"I'll stay away from Luka."
Lily smiles and despite the gentle sight, it does little to ease my mind. There's enough assurance in my voice but my thoughts say otherwise. They scream at me, a dreading doubt building within me as I think about Luka.
"So it's a deal," the blonde says.
She offers her hand and I almost roll my eyes. She wants a physical confirmation, a handshake to put it simply.
So be it.
'I'm Lily's friend and I want to help her. '
It becomes a mantra, an annoying chant repeating itself over and over again in my mind. And despite my good intentions, the uncertainty of it all is difficult to suppress. I deserve something in exchange for this effort.
"What about me?" I ask, "I should have something in return too."
"I thought we already established that," Lily says, "I move on for you, remember?"
"No, you move on for yourself. I'm supporting you by staying away from Luka."
It makes sense and the blonde is smart enough to notice that I do have a point.
"Okay."
I'm quick to come up with my request.
"I want the phone."
Lily blinks.
"Your old phone," I clarify, "Give me your old phone."
Silence and suddenly, I find myself running to her room before she beats me to it. It's ridiculous but I actually have to fight her for it. Hell, I even bite her and that's when she finally gives up.
"OW! What the fuck, Miku!"
"You asked for it!"
"At least let me erase the history!"
"I'll do it."
"NO! I mean-don't you want to see it?"
"I already did."
It slips. Fucking shit, I let the one thing I was supposed to avoid confessing slip. And a result, Lily freezes.
She gapes at me.
"You…did?"
Well, at least she isn't pissed. Even so, I can't help but ramble every excuse I can think of.
"I'm sorry, yeah, I did but you were knocked out and I couldn't help it. It was just there and fuck, I just couldn't help it. If anything it made me understand you better. Sort of like empathy. That's all I wanted out of it. I didn't do anything weird. Like I didn't touch myself to Luka's pics if that's what you're worried about."
She continues to stare at me. And as result, more word vomit spews out of me.
"It was a really weird night, Lily. I couldn't handle it all. I even hallucinated or something, I don't know what the hell was going at one point. I saw some dude resembling Luka. I can't tell if it was a dream or if I was-
"Wait, who?"
Of course Lily is dumbstruck by such a ridiculous dream of mine. It doesn't make sense. Shit, I don't make sense.
"Some guy, tall, tattoos, he kind of had Luka's eyes, weird, I know. It was all just so wier-
Lily suddenly dashes across the room. The quick action catches me off guard and as a result, I stumble back. She searches through her drawers in a frantic state. Then I remember a very specific part of my so-called dream. The man took something from the drawer…the same drawer Lily has become so engrossed with. It's becoming clear that what I saw wasn't a figure of my imagination.
That was no fucking dream. He was real along and whatever he took, Lily isn't taking it too kindly.
"THAT SON OF A BITCH!" she rages, "278 fucking milligrams of MDMA per pill and he takes 'em ALL!?"
I should be more concerned with that fact the Lily is pissed about stolen drugs. I'm no expert but holy shit, 278 milligrams?! Even Miki would stay away from that!
"FUCKING MORON!"
Moron, indeed and from what I can gather from Lily, not only is he a thief but a free-loiter as well. I stand corrected on that.
"This is the last time I let him in here!"
Even with that out of the way, I'm aching to know more about him. It was bound. The blonde should expect me to ask.
"Who is he?"
"Huh? What?"
"Who is he?" I repeat.
She stiffens.
"Who?"
Oh, for fuck sakes.
"Don't play stupid with me, Lily."
Now the tension is on me. Luka's rage has subsided and an uncomfortable vibe comes forth. She's nervous, far more than I've ever seen her to be.
"Lily."
"Fuck," she mutters, "I'm not sure I could tell you, Miku."
I bite my lip.
"And why not?"
She begins to fidget, a scene so uncharacteristic of her that even I begin to get as nervous as her.
"You weren't supposed to see him. Not just you, I mean anyone that knows Luka."
My eyes widen. A solid confirmation stated by the blonde herself.
"Luka's brother."
Holy shit, I can't believe it.
"H-how do you-wait, so-HUH?!
"I know its fucking weird, trust me," Lily carefully states, "I was just as freaked as you but that was months ago."
"What?! W-when was this?!
"Last year. I hadn't seen him for like 12 years since Luka moved back to England. Although, I should mention it wasn't such a nice reunion."
"W-wait! What?!"
"I know it's weird and I'll explain everything but you have to promise you won't tell anyone! Especially Luka!"
The blonde has become fearful. In fact, she's almost shaking.
"You have no idea how fucking important it is to keep him a secret. Luka and her friends, anyone that fucking knows her CANNOT know about this!"
"B-but why? Don't you think Luka has the right?"
"Believe me, I thought so too but Luki begged me to keep his lifestyle a secret. He doesn't want her to know about his real whereabouts."
Luki.
Luka's brother's name is Luki. And he's hiding from his sister. Fuck, I sense this is going to get more fucked up than it already is.
"Luka still think he's studying in England. To this day, she doesn't know the truth. She's been lied to since she was eight years old. Luki was disowned after turning eighteen and his father kicked him out of their estate. He's managed to make a living since then but…well….he's not proud of what he does, Miku."
I shiver. Whatever Luki does, I hope it isn't as bad as Lily makes it seem.
"What…what does he do?"
Lily sighs.
"He works at the same club as me. I go-go dance on the weekends…and he does too…at some night club."
"Oh, well, that doesn't sound so-
"He's 29, Miku."
What the fuck?!
"I know, it sounds weird but Luki can pass for mid-twenties. He lies about his age all the time. It's become a habit. Anyway, he does it for a living. I got my job because of him. I'm thankful but the bastard owes me anyway for being the reason behind that fucking lawsuit. We're not friends, we don't fuck if that's what you're wondering. I just happen to know him."
I'm speechless. There is definite bad blood between them yet they manage to push past it.
"Wait, how do you tolerate him? He's the reason your dad went bankrupt so how is it-
"Richard Megurine sued my father, Jay Bachmeir."
The blonde releases a shaky breath.
"Luki begged him not to. He knew he made a mistake…but Richard disowned him anyway. And not for the reason you would think. It had nothing to do with his fuck-up or my father's company. Luki is gay. He felt that starring in an adult film with a beautiful woman would make the rumors go away. That's all he wanted. He was just fucking stupid and desperate to prove to his father he wasn't…as he calls him…a faggot."
Hoy shit. This is too much to take. And the worst part is that Luka doesn't even know this. This is about her big brother. I feel horrible that I'm aware of the truth.
"I know it's fucked up, believe me, but I'm keeping my word for Luki. Luka would be devastated. He wants to be the one to tell her all of this. It's his secret."
I respect Lily's word but I can't respect the boy hiding behind it. He's 29 and he still seems like a boy. A lost stupid boy too afraid to man up and let his little sister know the truth. I'm pissed that I have to keep this a secret. I'm pissed that I'll have to look the other way whenever Luka tries to talk to me. Even more than that, I'm pissed at myself.
"I can't believe I'm agreeing to all of this," my voice breaks, "This isn't fair, Lily."
The blonde sighs.
"I know, Miku," she whispers, "But believe when I say this."
She steps closer and her arms wrap around me. Yet, as comforting as the blonde tries to be, nothing can soothe my current distress.
"It's for the best."
Her words become imprinted in my mind. A mantra that I hope keeps me strong in front of Luka. Even so, I won't be able to help the guilt consuming me. It's bound to show.
Later that day…
School is halfway over yet despite that, Lily and I decide to go. It would make more sense to skip but I am in desperate need for some distractions. Academics are great in that department. Not to mention I still need to clean the girls' gym lockers after school. As for Lily, it just so happens she's smarter than I thought. Frequent absences yet top grades, I don't how she's able to do it but she does.
"You finally showed up, Masuda."
Our Yearbook instructor, Mr. Gale, let the blonde have it. Although, I'm sure she's used to it by now.
"Well, you know, writer's block," Lily quipped, "You know how that goes."
Most of the duration of class consisted of the blonde being a smartass and Mr. Gale failing to put her in her place. Meanwhile, I focused on researching my assignments.
I didn't realize until now that I would be covering a lot of senior events. I don't know how I'll be able to avoid Luka through it all. There's the Senior Lip Synch, Senior Picnic, Powderpuff, and Senior Prom. This makes me wonder.
"Mr. Gale, I noticed I'll be covering a lot of the senior events. May I ask why?"
From the corner of my eye, I notice I've caught the blonde's attention. I expect some cheeky remarks regarding this unfortunate coincidence. Strangely enough, Lily doesn't say a word.
"Most of your assignments consist of shooting photos for the newspaper. I hope you don't mind but we got most of the writing covered by those of a higher grade level than you."
I pout.
"So basically, I'll be taking more photos this semester."
Mr. Gale nods.
"Yes," he says, "You'll have the opportunity to write some columns. That is, if any of the upper classmen decide to pass it on to you."
It's a hopeful statement but judging from the students' focused agenda, I'll have to be lucky for them to be that generous. I don't think it'll be possible anytime soon.
"She can take mine," one student suddenly offers.
I almost squeal in delight.
"Oh, Mayu, are you sure about that?" Mr. Gale asks.
The blonde nods.
"It'll save me time," she adds, "I'm going to need it for an upcoming scholarship contest."
"You are aware she'll have to do about fifteen interviews, take a photo of each of them, and write individual brief summaries regarding their goals and aspirations," one snobby student says.
"What? Like, that's supposed to be hard?" Mayu snickers.
Oh, hell yeah. I'm so stoked for this…although, Lily doesn't seem so happy about it.
"What was the assignment?" Lily asks.
"Interviews with the senior class valedictorians."
"Well, there you have it, Miku," Mr. Gale smiles, "Your first official writing assignment."
I'm thankful for the opportunity. Hell, it's the best news I've gotten all week. Something to vent through and distract myself is what I need. Unfortunately, the excitement is quick to fade when I see a notable name on the list of interviewees.
Luka Megurine.
Well, no wonder Lily was acting up. She left class abruptly after I was given the assignment.
"She's lucky this is technically a free period for her," Mr. Gale mutters, "Attendance is key."
Lily doesn't return to class but I do see her again afterwards. In fact, she waits for me at the front of the gym. Great, not only am I about to endure chores but a possible lecture as well.
"Lily, I swear, if this about the damn assignment-
"It's not."
Well, that's a relief.
"Then what's this about?" I ask, "Don't think I didn't notice how you were acting last period."
"Yeah, I know. I'm an ass," she sighs, "I just…I've been thinking and…I just want to let you know that it isn't you who's pissing me off."
Well, that I knew that already. At least Lily is finally coming to some rational senses. She could certainly use it.
"It's Luka and I know you mean well," she says, "I'm just…scared."
She's just as vulnerable as the night before. I almost want to hug her.
"I understand, Lily," I sigh, "But just know that I really want you to move on and if you keep letting Luka get to you, I won't see any reason for my effort."
The blonde locks eyes with me.
"And so what if I'm going to interview her soon? Even if it's just for the high school yearbook, I take it seriously, Lily," I smile, "It'll be quick. I'll do it in a jiggy."
"I think you mean 'in a jiffy'," the blonde snickers.
"Whatever," I quip, "I don't have to make sense. I'm beautiful."
I imitate one of the blonde's cheeky responses. And as a result, Lily laughs. It's a great sight, one that I can't help but note how beautiful the blonde is when she's smiling. After last night, it's more than relieving to see her enjoying herself. I don't even mind that I'm blushing. It's hard to look past her attractive features right now. Tall, blonde, exotic steel-blue eyes, it's just some of the few of many things I find so appealing about her.
"Is that what I sound like?" Lily snickers.
Her laughter fades away and I realize I've been gawking at her.
"Wow, Miku," she quips, "Nice to see you're moving on faster than me."
"Shut up," I mutter, "You always kill the moment."
"Me? You're the one devouring me with your eyes," she adds, "I don't blame you though."
The blonde winks and I groan.
We quarrel. And while I'm trying my hardest to hide the blush, Lily continues to tease. She pokes at my ribs and I struggle to contain my laughter.
"Seriously, Miku," the blonde snickers, "I don't think you realize how fucking cute you are."
Next thing I know, I'm pushing and laughing against Lily. She's tickles my sides, an embrace between us unfolding as I struggle to contain my noisy shrieks.
Suddenly, a familiar voice hollers.
"Miku!"
Both Lily and I turn to the source.
"It's Miku, right?" Avanna asks.
I nod.
"Yes! I knew it!"
She fist-pumps and I snicker at her confident demeanor. After saving me from Luka's overpowering clutches, I'm more than happy to see the brunette.
"Hi, Avanna," I smile.
"Heeeey, and Lily, of course, I know your name," Avanna snickers, "Although, I blame Meiko on that. She can't shut up about you."
The blonde laughs.
"Oh, that's because she has a crush on me but she's too proud to admit it," Lily quips.
"Well, that would make sense."
I take note of how well Avanna and Lily get along. It's actually the first time I've seen the blonde actually having a decent conversation with one of the school's cheerleaders. Usually, it's not so pleasant. Even the blonde's flirting is tolerable, considering how Avanna isn't taking it seriously.
"Well, if I'm ever bored, I'll let you know, Masuda," the brunette quips, "Just don't count on it."
"Oh, I will," the blonde snickers, "I'm up for some Mediterranean taste…anytime."
Avanna rolls her eyes.
"Right…'cuz I'm Greek."
"Yeah, I'm not so good with words today," Lily sighs, "Shitty day."
"It shows," the brunette laughs, "So anyway, Miku, Luka was looking for you earlier."
I stiffen.
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah, she seemed pretty disappointed about it," Avanna adds, "Something about missing English?"
Luka is my T.A for English. It's a painful reminder, one that makes me more unsettled for the days to come.
"Oh, she T.A's for Mr. Marcus," I mutter, "He's my English teacher."
"Oh man," Lily snickers, "She absolutely hates that guy."
I was right on that. I could tell with the way she speaks to him. I don't believe Luka can smile for more than three seconds and mean it at the same time.
"Yeah, I know, right?" Avanna laughs, "Anyway, I gotta head back to practice now. Meiko will have a bitch-fit if I disappear for too long."
"What for? Football season is over," the blonde adds, "It's technically over for you guys now anyway."
"Yeah, I know but Coach Haku wants us to continue getting the other girls ready. The new line up for Varsity is already up. All that's really left now is the routine for Powderpuff and choosing the next captain."
Avanna sighs.
"I don't see why we need to keep showing up and the other senior girls couldn't agree more. Luka's always disappearing and Meiko takes over like she owns the team. Nothing's really changed since you left the team, Lily."
As apologetic as the brunette seems, Lily seems like she's been over her captain days.
"Meiko's still a bitch, Luka can care less, and Coach Haku still won't consider my advances," the blonde shrugs, "Yup. Nothing has changed."
Even I can tell that and I just recently transferred. There's a vibe to Luka's team that I can't figure out. And it's not the usual bitchy conceited cliché that everyone assumes, although, Neru fits that stereotype nicely.
It makes me wonder how Avanna is able to tolerate her group of friends. Clearly, Meiko gives her shit and Luka seems to disappoint her. She seems to mind her own business though but she won't hesitate to figure out a problem concerning her friends. I've noticed that about her since I met her at Kaito's party.
It's nice to see that Luka has at least one easy-going normal friend.
After a few more jokes, Avanna bids us farewell. Lily doesn't hesitate to poke fun at the brunette's rather embarrassing love life. Apparently, the so-called "Big Al" and Avanna went out for some time.
"Big Al my ass!" Lily hollers, "From what I heard it should be Lil' Al!"
Avanna laughs.
"You're right!"
Lily can't help the smug look on her face. She's probably fantasizing about the brunette right now. I grimace at the possibility.
"Anyway, pigtails, I should get going too," she says.
"And I take it you'll be sure to apologize to Miki today."
I demand it. I'll see to it that Miki gets the apology she deserves.
"Of course," the blonde states, "I was planning on seeing her after school."
I don't know if I should believe that but I'll take it anyway. I'll be seeing Miki tonight to ensure Lily kept her word.
The blonde gives me an assuring smile before taking off. And as nervous as I am to hear about the results of her apology, it can't compare to the dreaded feeling I'm about to endure.
The workload Ms. Bazel has given me isn't enough to distract me. I'm in the lion's den after all. I'm highly paranoid yet I manage to progress through my punishment without any accidents. In fact, I've become so engrossed with the tasks that I manage to finish earlier than I had hoped for. It's a reliving sight, one that even Ms. Bazel is impressed by.
"Wow, not bad," she says, "Keep this up. One more week and you'll be off the hook. Let's just hope you don't repeat the same mistake."
Of course, she doesn't hesitate to be a bitch about it.
"Put everything back into the closest and go."
It's her last request of the day and I race to complete it as fast as I can. From now on I'll have to repeat the same level of effort to avoid Luka, although I can't deny my curiosity for her current whereabouts. I'm an idiot to ponder on it. And I'm an even bigger idiot for caring that she asked Avanna about me earlier today.
'Luka was looking for you earlier.'
The words echo in my mind.
'She seemed pretty disappointed today.'
I let out a shaky breath.
Whatever Luka wanted, I'm sure it was for her own selfish needs. Even so, I can't repress the wishful thinking that maybe she does care about me.
It's a thought that's gnawing at my mind. One that distracts me so much, I end up dropping a bucket of mop water before emptying it out in one of the restroom sinks.
"FUCK!"
Great, I've added another possible twenty minutes of cleaning today. It's a careless action, one that I'm entirely at fault for letting Luka get to me once more.
By the time I've soaked up all the water off the floor, I realize how quiet it's gotten. I figure it's my paranoia kicking in. Not to mention the disgusting feeling of gross dirty water staining my clothes. I cringe from the disturbance of it all.
"You should put a sign."
I freeze.
"It still looks wet to me."
I slowly turn to meet Luka's eyes.
"Wouldn't want anyone to get hurt, would you?"
She smiles and comes closer. All the while, Lily's words hit me.
'Don't get friendly. Be blunt. Don't make conversation. Don't acknowledge her.'
I gulp.
"Yeah, I was going to get to that."
I didn't expect myself to immediately come off straightforward. Yet, here I am, seemingly pulling it off without much of a second thought.
"Be careful in the meantime," I add, "I'll be right back."
It's hard enough to sound emotionless but my body betrays me. Despite my solid expression, I'm shaken up. And as a result, I fail to follow my own advice. The second I take a step forward, my foot slips.
Hands suddenly grasp at me, my body stiff against hers as she chuckles at my clumsy state.
"If anyone should be careful, it's you," she whispers.
Her lips brush my ear, a contact so dangerous that I have to pull away. And with one quick swift, I detach myself from the temptress.
She takes a step back. Her confused expression focused on me as she questions my behavior.
"You alright?"
I squeeze my eyes shut. All the while, vivid images flash before me.
"Miku?"
I don't answer. She tries again, this time with a firm and solid tone.
"Miku."
Again, I don't bother with a response.
Luka absolutely hates being ignored. She made that perfectly clear before. So when I feel her hand clasp against my wrist, I try my best not to flinch. Only it's hard not to when I'm already aching with pain from a certain blonde.
"Okay, what?" she asks.
Her words are forced and her tone is dry. These are just some of the factors contributing to my building restraint.
"Listen, I get that I was being a total twat…but you don't have to keep this up," she adds, "You could at least look at me so we can deal with this properly."
"Well, you could start by letting go of me!" I snap.
She almost stumbles from my sudden force.
"Just leave me alone," I scoff.
"What's gotten into you?" she snickers, "It's your fault for walking out on me. If you were just a little more patient I would have at least considered."
Of course, Luka thinks I'm angry because I didn't get to fuck her as I wanted to. Typical of her, thinking sex is the main concern between us. Then again, that's all it's really become between us. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it.
"Whoop de fucking doo, I have far more important things to worry about, Luka," I say.
"And I assume that's why you were absent most of the day?"
"As a matter of fact, yes," I reply, "You wouldn't understand so just go away."
Luka continues to find the matter entertaining. She pays no mind that I've become so aggravated by her constant smile and smartass remarks. In fact, after every retort and insult I manage to throw back at her, she finds a way to see it as encouragement.
"Just try me, Miku."
"Like I said, you wouldn't understand."
"Make me then."
"It doesn't work that way."
"It could if you try hard enough."
"I shouldn't have to fucking try, Luka!"
I snap. This is exactly what she wanted to see. I'm okay with giving her this much at least.
"Just drop it, okay?" I plead.
Of course, she doesn't.
"And this is what I get for caring?"
"If that's your way of showing then I suggest you change it."
"Wow, I've never been told off like that before."
"Start getting used to it."
"I don't have to get used to anything you do, Miku."
"You're right, after all it's not like I'm your fucking girlfriend, right?!"
"Well, that's true," she snickers, "We can still kiss and make-up like a couple if you want to."
It's a gut-wrenching truth, one that I'm tormenting myself with. And as a result, I retaliate with a statement I'm sure will bring bitter justice.
I'm not Luka's girlfriend. I have no right to feel guilty for what I did. So what if I kissed Kaito? I shouldn't have to hide it for Luka's sake.
"It would make more sense to do that with Kaito," I spitefully state.
It's a pathetic jab at Luka, one that confuses her at first but eventually dawns to her with an angry revelation.
"Why would boy-scout and you…."
She pauses.
"Oh, wait…"
She snorts.
"Oh my god, really?" she laughs, "Miku, you don't have to lie to-
"Why would I lie about that? I did kiss him yesterday, Luka," I counter, "It felt more right than the many-
I don't get to finish. It's best that I don't anyway and Luka makes sure of it.
Yet, instead of the usual impact or overpowering positon, she decides to simply stand toe to toe with me.
And I have to say, it's the most dangerous I've seen Luka react.
A threatening silence, a cold gaze, and an overbearing heat radiating from her lithe and close body. I almost break just from the proximity between us. She seems so calm, so unaffected yet she proceeds to intimidate me in a seemingly casual stance. She tilts her head, an amused expression as she lets her eyes wander on my stature. Her hands hang by her sides. Then she lifts one to play with the ends of my hair. I almost gasp from the contact.
"Is that so?"
She sighs and I bite back a whimper from her hot breath.
"For some reason…I can tell you're not lying about the kiss….I mean, I can tell everything else is bullshit."
I flinch.
"So, let me clarify."
I gulp.
"Did you…or did you not…kiss Kaito."
I'm reluctant to answer. She's become overly possessive over what isn't hers. I don't belong to Luka yet she's controlling me with just a simple gaze. The power she has, it's beyond me how she's able to pull it off so easily.
"Well?"
I'm taking too long to answer her question. And as a result, she sneaks pain into the situation. She pulls at some strands of my hair, the discomfort fusing with my sick fasciation over her dominant tone. The fucked up part about this is that it's actually arousing me. I can't deny that Luka is undeniably attractive. Nor can I lie about the fact that her strict demeanor is a turn-on.
"I….um…..w-we…"
No distraction, no stroke of luck can help me now. I have no choice but to own up or fuck up. And the latter is becoming more and more difficult to withhold from.
"We…kissed, Luka," I softly whisper, "Kaito and I."
She stiffens but her expression stays intact.
"Oh, so I did hear correctly…"
Her eyes shift down, a lingering gaze on my soaked shirt. Her hands slide down to my torso, lowering by the second until they rest at my hips. The sudden contact causes me to flinch.
"Nng!"
My cry is fused with more than just sexual frustration. There's undeniable pain that Luka can't brush off. In fact, she's primarily focused on the source. Her thumbs rub the area in a gentle fashion and I relax into the sensation. It's an odd move on her part but it's soon to be replaced by cold air. And before I know it, Luka lifts the hem of my shirt, exposing the bruises on the joints of my hips.
I'm unable to speak up. Luka sees red, her expression hardening with a cold and dark sinister aura.
"Who the fuck did this to you?" she asks.
I can't find the will to move or speak. All I can do is stare back at the fuming woman before me.
"MIKU."
I'm loss for words. And even if I could speak, there's no way I would put Lily on the spot. It was an accident and the blonde doesn't remember a thing about it. She didn't mean it. And as I fail to give a name, Luka takes it upon herself to come up with a possible answer.
"Kaito."
My eyes widen and Luka takes it as her cue to seek the jock. I pathetically follow her, a desperate attempt to calm her before she brings havoc on the poor innocent boy.
"Luka! It wasn't him!"
"Then who the fuck was it?!"
I freeze. The blonde's name can't be spoken at this time. And with deep regret, I let Luka go.
I can't believe I'm letting this happen.
I'm so sorry, Kaito.
A/N: OHHHHHHH SHHHHHHIT! Someone gone get they ass whipped! Okay, bye. Thanks for reading ;D