A/N: I feel really bad about the time to update but I'm glad many of you still bother to check. Thanks for that. And enjoy :)

Also, I may have updated than deleted this chapter. Sorry for the confusion. I don't how that went but it's official now. It's here. It's queer. And it's...staying? I tried to rhyme there. Anyway, whatever. Moving on lol

I remember the first time I felt like this.

It was with Miki.

We were both in middle school at the time. Miki was invited to some high school party; some freshmen took a liking to my best friend. So, as the loyal friend I was, I tagged along. I was lost but most of all, I was angry. There I was, still in love with my best friend, pretending to not care that she was smitten with some new guy. It took a lot not to scream and cry. I would have given anything just to forget it all for once.

There was a war in my mind.

Miki should have been the least of my problems yet she was the one tearing me apart. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. All I could really do was just follow along. And I did just that. Even with a stranger.

I don't recall much of him. All I knew was that he offered me a brownie. A stoner as everyone knew him by but I wasn't smart enough to stay away.

So I took a bite.

I was beginning to think it was a bust. I didn't feel anything. I began to complain and tell the guy his shit sucked. He just laughed and offered me to sit down and just "relax".

"It's not working", I said.

He offered more. I took it without much thought.

And then it hit me.

HARD.

Jesus Christ. I was so scared. I was fearful of everything around me. The people, the walls, my heart beat, my head hurt just by thinking, I was scared that I had permanently fucked myself. I never went so deep into my thoughts until that one night. I was certain I was going to kill myself just by imagining shit.

Then the worse appeared.

Miki.

The sight of her only worsened my state so I began to cry.

"It hurts!" I shouted, "It hurts to think!"

"Miku, baby, relax," Miki said, "Just relax, I'm here, baby."

She shushed and pulled me into her arms. My heart beat faster, my mind almost numb from the sensation of it all. Pleasure but guilt, anger but sadness, the emotions were becoming unbearable.

"Take me to the hospital!"

"Miku, you don't need to go to the hospital," Miki pleaded, "It's just a bad trip. Leon, get some fucking milk, dammit! Some food!"

"I can't drink milk, I get diarrhea," I cried.

I heard a laugh. That fucker was laughing.

"Well, then shit, she's fucked."

"Leon, you asshole, get some fucking food!"

Miki nursed me that night. She fed me, held me, all the while, I struggled to find comfort. She was the source of my torment yet she was soothing me with careful words.

"Eat up, baby," she said, "Just keep eating."

"You keep calling her baby," snickered Leon, "Why don't you ever call me that?"

"Just get us home, Leon!" Miki shouted.

He reluctantly did so. Miki took me to her house and upstairs into her room. She led me to her bed, her arms wrapped around me as she continued her attempt to comfort my state. I whimpered from the sensations. The ache in my head, the swaying atmosphere, it was all overwhelming until Miki decided to take things further.

She kissed me that night.

"I'm right here, baby," she whispered, "Just relax, okay?"

I nodded and sunk deeper into her body. I held her close. And finally, I was coming down.

Kiss or no kiss, I would have calmed down eventually. It was only a matter of time before the effects faded away. That was the last time I ever got high. It was also the last time Miki ever kissed me. It's a horrible and bittersweet memory.

And now, I'm drowning in it.

Horrible familiar feelings return. I'm overwhelmed. My most vulnerable, most exposed and pathetic state is before Luka and I can't do anything to stop it.

"Oh god! Miki!"

Miki.

I'm screwed without Miki by my side.

The atmosphere starts to turn. I know Luka's saying something but I'm not listening.

I look up. She's so close. She's holding me, looking straight into my eyes. Her turquoise irises are so beautiful but the thought is quick to vanish. All I could think of is how fucked I am without Miki in my life.

"Miki," I whimper.

Soft fingers meet my face. Gentle caresses follow as Luka's voice enters my mind. I'm not hearing shit; she's really saying what I think she is.

"I know, I know, but I'm here, I'm here, Miku," she pleas, "I'm here. Look at me and tell me you know I'm here."

Luka's here. Miki isn't.

It's clear. It's right in front of me. The one helping me isn't Miki right now.

"Say it, baby."

My eyes widen. Luka's gentle and sweet words continue.

"Say it, I'm here, you know I'm here," she adds, "Baby, I'm here. Feel me."

My hands suddenly meet soft skin. Luka's wrapped my arms around her hips. Suddenly, she pushes deeper into me, her hot mouth meeting my ear before continuing her whispers.

"I'm here, baby."

She repeats it.

"Baby, I'm here."

I look harder into her, struggling to confirm all that is true. Luka is comforting me. Luka is holding me. Luka is kissing me.

I twitch when I meet her soft lips once more. Gentle caresses continue. A soft pop follows and suddenly, I find myself engulfed in a heated kiss.

How it turned out like this, I don't know. But it's much better than drowning myself in dangerous thoughts.

And soon, all that is gentle vanishes. Luka is back to her nature and I am back to reality. Nothing can be more assuring but our deep and heated actions for now.

We're kissing. Mouths latched and bodies pressed hard against each other. Our mouths are hot and moist. Lips bruised and skin hot with anticipation. Suddenly, she leads me away and we reunite with darkness.

We've entered another part of the estate. One that I guess is the living room as Luka's pushed me onto a soft leather couch. A dim light suddenly appears. Luka's turned on the only source of illumination, the lamp besides us. Suddenly, it crashes; a result from our hectic actions. The light remains though, just barely enough to take in Luka's form.

She continues to kiss me, teeth and tongue clashing in a feverish manner. I tremble against her wild nature, holding her dearly and deeply as she ravishes me.

Hands slide under my shirt, nails raking my skin. I twitch from her bold and daring actions, her hands now under the cups of my bra, grasping and massaging at my breasts. I moan, the sound igniting and encouraging the beauty. A hot tongue trails from my neck to my ear lobe. I'm nearly drowning in ecstasy.

Before I know it, I'm half-naked. My torso shivering from a slight breeze, her mouth meets my chest, a hunger evident in her eyes as she clamps onto a nipple. I arch into her, straining and whimpering from the hot sensations engulfing me. She lifts the small of my back; arms snaked around me as she pushes me further in. I'm writhing, moaning, and biting my lip, all I can do to prevent myself from exploding.

She's far generous this time and undresses before me. I watch her, eyes taking her in, trailing from her sculpted arms to the deep crease between her hard abdominals. Her breasts are full and perky, her hips small and sexy. Suddenly, she stands up from me and begins a show.

She turns before bending down, sliding down her panties with a beautiful sight. She's so tight and hard, it's taking all my will not to jump on her then and there. She steps closer, just enough for me to feel the heat radiating from her core. I'm shamelessly staring at it in all of its bare glory.

As an athlete, I expect no less from Luka. She's nicely shaved, neat, and proper. Meanwhile, I'm becoming more and more self-conscious of myself. In fact, just as she's about to slide the barrier between my legs, I flinch and instantly grab at her arm. Luka tilts her head. Concern returns, an assumption that I'm reluctant to this after all. On the contrary, I want this probably more than her.

"Baby, its okay," she whispers, "I can stop if you want me to."

I shake my head, hand loosing around her arm as I voice my excuse.

"N-no, it's just that…"

Luka lowers herself, just enough for her breasts to press against mine. I moan, her raw nipples brushing against me, my body writhing from the hardness of our buds.

"Just what?" she whispers hotly into my ear.

Just as I'm about to answer, her lips begin to caress my flesh, kissing and licking as I struggle to speak. Instead, I'm pulling her further in, wrapping my legs around her, letting her know how much I want this instead.

Nails dig into the sides of my torso and I yelp from the stinging sensation. Any second now and I know Luka will be taking me farther than I've ever been.

"We don't have to do this."

Despite her words of caution, her actions are a contradiction.

"Just tell me to stop," she adds, "and I'll stop."

Our eyes lock, a silent debate occurring in a poorly lit room. I have nothing to say and so we continue.

All that I can release are cries of passion and straining moans that Luka's causing with her mouth and tongue. She nips and sucks, my body swaying against a familiar rhythm of hers. She likes to hold back then push deep and hard all at once; teasing but giving it all in a second, just enough to get me begging. And as a result, I'm pulling and clawing at her head, a sensation she loves and moans into with delight.

I take a peak of the sight below my hips, a scandalous but invigorating position. Luka bent to my core, wild and engrossed. Eyes closed as she sinks deeper into a hazy and heated passion. She certainly loves this. And I couldn't be any luckier to be on the receiving end.

"Nng…oh…FUCK!"

My walls begin to flutter, a sign to sweet release approaching me. I'm growing sensitive by the second, clit aching and throbbing with need. A pattern of wet sounds; pops and smacks, it's all effort at this point. Suddenly, I feel my butt lifted from the couch, a strained moan releasing from me before meeting Luka's eyes.

I'm far more than vulnerable now. My legs spread to their limit, hips locked with a vice grip. Luka continues, this time with a harsh push to my core.

She's inserted a finger.

I cry aloud, head thrown back, and eyes squeezed shut. Her tongue presses against my clit, sucking at the nub vigorously. I come hard, all the while, pain in the mix as I feel Luka stir deep within my core. It's foreign to me, the sensation of penetration.

"That's it baby," she manages through breaths, "Just a little more."

"Oh, Luka…N-no…"

I writhe as I struggle to catch my breath. My clit throbs against her still tongue, the feeling of her finger hooking and stroking within me. I hiss at the discomfort, the feeling slowly reinforced with harsh pleasure. My hips jerk and twitch, all the while pushing forward.

My eyes are squeezed shut at this point, an attempt to force the pain away. That is, until I finally feel Luka's focus.

I can feel it, deep inside me, she strokes and suddenly, my hips are gyrating at a quick pace. I clutch the leather with a violent grip. I don't know whether to push away or into but whatever it is, it's building so fast. A profound ache flutters my walls. It starts off slow and sensual until, suddenly, it hits me.

HARD.

I hear myself come with a shameless sound. A hot flash, wet and fast, I feel myself release an uncontrollable gush. I cry aloud; tears of strain and passion as I let myself drown in extreme ecstasy. Half gasp, half moan, it rips out of me.

Even as I am completely exhausted, Luka continues to bask in the moment. I can feel her, open-mouth, licking, and sucking at the hot and wet trickles at my core. She giggles, her nose brushing against my clit as she continues her ministrations.

I can still see white behind my eyelids. Little specks here and there, hazy atmosphere engulfing me, vision blurring with no effort to focus at this point.

My sight suddenly meets complete darkness then I realize I'm on my stomach, lying on a softer material. No leather this time, in fact, I'm not in the same place as before. I'm in an entire different room. I must have blacked out for a moment.

I would move, speak, anything, but I'm so tired, so exhausted. Not to mention I can still feel after effects throbbing my core. All I can produce is a weak whimper.

Luka consoles me, shushing and whispering into my ear.

"Baby, just relax, okay?"

My body is shaky, trembling with exhaustion. Even so, Luka finds an excuse to continue.

"Just let go…for tonight. Just feel me."

A soft moan as I feel a trail of kisses. From my neck to my hips, it's all so sensual. Her fingers lovingly tickle at my skin then I feel her adjust my hips and legs.

"Let me take you further."

The palm of her hand massages my clit so delicately as soft lips kiss at my bottom. All the while, I simply lay on my stomach, rear up, laying for her to do as she wants.

If it weren't for my current exhaustion, I would be sure to protest. I find no means to do so. Taboo in some minds yet profoundly pleasurable, Luka licks within my bottom and ignites my most sensitive nerves. I already feel myself coming close. A combination of sweet and dirty ministrations, Luka whimpers at her own actions. Head bobbing as she furthers her efforts. All the while, my core trembles as the softness of her fingers probe and caress my clit.

Suddenly, I find myself writhing against her once more. Limps shaky as I try to hold dearly onto the sheets, I cry aloud. Luka moans with me, tongue lapping at my raw and sensitive skin, palm ferociously rubbing at my clit. I take means to stop her but the effort is too much.

Even after coming and writhing from the jolts of pleasure, Luka continues. Her libido proven to be far than normal by now, she makes me come shortly again, violently yet sweetly sadistically.

Her actions turn soft. Hands caress, feeling every crook and cranny available to her. She softly bites the skin below my bottom, my hips twitch at the sudden action, my walls still fluttering from the aftermath of it all.

She fits me so perfectly that night. Embracing me from behind, soothing my hair with her damp fingers. She whispers loving words, some dirty, other times, sweet.

"I love it when you squirt…you're so cute when you do."

My labored breathing is the only response I can offer. Even so, it satisfies her. She confesses more than just her fantasies.

She kisses my shoulders. Lips savor my skin.

I whimper.

"I've always imagined this," she adds, "Taking you, every little first. Now I feel like you're really mine."

My eyes drift. There's a lot to say but I'm succumbing to a deep sleep any second now. All I can do is listen to Luka's words, words that won't sound the same after this.

"You're mine, Miku."

I close my eyes. One last remark before I finally drift away.

"All mine."

Hours later…

It didn't take long to notice.

The ceiling above presented me with a clear reflection. I was naked, half-covered in white sheets. I was almost too afraid to move. The entire bed section was surrounded in mirrors. I thought I was dreaming.

I was in Luka's bedroom.

I stood up from the bed, slowly making my way to the middle of the room. It's all so eerie, almost as if I'm come across a sacred ground of some sort. It's nothing too fancy, but judging from Luka's areas of interest, she has distinctive taste.

Sex Pistols, The Smiths, Amy Winehouse, The Who, Bowie, Oasis, clearly she's a fan of English musicians. Far more interesting are the photos decorated in simple frames. They vary, from her friends to her family. There's Meiko (of course), her cheer squad, a tall man with brown hair whom I'm guessing is her father, a woman next to him. Judging from her familiar pink hair and dashing eyes, there is no mistake that it's Luka's mother. They're almost identical. Then there's a boy.

Wait.

I can't help but squint, almost as if I'm really trying to convince myself that it's really him.

I fail to remember his name but I know about him. Thanks to Lily, I know Luka has a brother. It couldn't be any more obvious that the grinning boy before my eyes is him. Eyes like his mother but features similar to the father.

Luki. Luke. I forget.

It almost makes my stomach sick just thinking about him.

I tear away from the reminder of Luka's long lost brother. A picture of a basset hound and a toddler Luka catches my interest. It distracts me, making me smile instead of gazing in guilt.

"Morrissey."

My attention diverts, head snaps to the beauty suddenly standing beside me. I didn't even hear her come in.

"His name is Morrissey," she says, "My dog."

I'm quick to respond, tone awkward as I attempt to disregard her current state. Body glistening in the morning aura, towel wrapped around her, barely covering her cleavage and bare legs; it's clear that Luka recently just used the shower. It just makes simply standing next to her all the more awkward and painful. Especially since I myself have nothing more but a white sheet carelessly wrapped around me.

I try my best to sound unaffected.

"You must love 'The Smiths'", I manage to say.

My voice cracks and I curse myself for the failed attempt to keep my cool. Luka doesn't seem to care. In fact, she giggles.

"Definitely, you like them?"

I nod.

Suddenly, arms wrap around me and I flinch from the sudden contact. Luka's damp skin is hot, skin radiating with a refreshing scent of rose jam.

"I miss him," she sighs, "He died awhile back. He was a Christmas present from my mum."

Many things come in mind. Luka's current intimate contact, her brother, the fact that she's nearly naked behind me, but the one thing completely catching me off guard is that, for the first time, Luka shared something personal. It's almost heart-wrenching to take in. In fact, I'm torn on a response. And as a result, I say the most basic and possibly cliché of all things.

"I'm sorry."

Luka shakes her head, a soft giggle releasing from her as she nuzzles into my neck. The sensation distracts me, sending a shiver down my spine.

"No, you're not," she mumbles against my skin.

I flinch at the blunt response. Luka pulls away, a breeze resulting from a swift motion by her. The instant I notice she's removed her towel I can't help but snap my head back to the frames. I know I've seen her before but given the certain circumstances, I'm not so comfortable. Luka certainly notices.

"Relax, Miku," she laughs.

I purse my lips. Eyes focused on another photo that piques my interest. A class photo, one of young children in elementary school, I catch Luka's distinctive pink hair out of the group. Just next to her is a blonde, one with familiar steel-blue eyes, a cocky grin that confirms my suspicion.

It's Lily Masuda.

My eyes widen, breath hitches as I realize it's really her.

Those eyes, that smirk, that button-nose, I admit that Lily was adorable as a child. Now, she seems as hormonal as a sixteen year old boy. It's a shame to think, really. In fact, I've become so engrossed with the thought that I've failed to catch up with Luka's words.

-so I told him I would be fine."

"Hm? What?"

She instantly recognizes my lack of attention. Luka doesn't take it too kindly.

"You weren't listening."

I'm quick to panic.

"Oh! No, it's just that I got caught up with…um…this."

She bothers to check, eyeing her framed photos curiously. Meanwhile, I attempt to direct my attention to a specific picture.

"This is very cute!"

At random, I pick one up. Luka begins to laugh.

"Really?"

"Yeah," I add, "You look really…

I look down and notice its Luka's father. A stern expression, I'm sure he didn't intend to look anywhere near cute. In fact, he looks scary.

"Uh, I mean…your dad…uh…he looks…um-

"Miku, stop," she continues to laugh, "I don't want to know what you think of my father, even if it is 'cute'. Although, I hope you don't actually."

"No! I don't, it's just-

She suddenly kisses me, soft and gentle. She's smiling and it warms my heart right away.

"It's fine. You got distracted, I know. I was a cute kid, wasn't I?"

I gulp. So she did notice.

"Yeah…you're still cute though," I whisper.

"Not as cute as you," she adds, "I could just eat you up."

She kisses me again, teeth nipping at my lower lip.

"In a way, I already did," she whispers.

We kiss again, lips savoring and caressing each other. Despite my bare state, I'm heated, body writhing against hers as she continues her loving ministrations. She holds me close, hands resting at my hips.

"Miku," she whispers, "I need to ask you something…"

It's hazy and hot, a combination preventing me from coherent thoughts. All I could wish is for the unthinkable to occur. Luka will ask me to be her girlfriend. I want nothing more than that.

"Yes?"

I gleam with hope, all the while Luka continues to stare lovingly into my eyes.

"How long?" she asks.

I kiss her again, waiting for her to finally ask. How long have you felt this way for me? That must be it. I'm too drunk off this arousing situation to think otherwise.

"How long has it been since…well…before last night…"

She suddenly averts her eyes from me. Body still close, but mind way off as she musters up the words she's about to say. And now, for some reason, I'm beginning to worry.

This is something personal she's about to ask. And I may know EXACTLY what it's about.

"Do you get anxiety attacks often?"

I immediately look away. Luka is quick to explain. It all makes sense after that. Why Luka would be so interested to ask reveals before me.

"My mum…she used to get them a lot…pretty bad ones, I'd say."

My heart softens and I kiss her again. Luka's expression is driven with grief now and I attempt to soothe her concern. She's opening up, that's more important right now. Everything else doesn't matter.

"Is she okay now? I don't know what I can do but I-

Luka shakes her head, biting her lip as she struggles to voice her thoughts. She's not used to sharing, I can tell that much. And for that, I'm more than grateful.

"Just be here. You wouldn't be able to help anyway."

My heartbeat picks up at the vagueness of her response. Then she explains, my heart tearing at the sound of her shaky words.

"She killed herself a long time ago."

More on Luka next chapter. It's time her usual bitchy/manipulating tendencies receives some backstory. I will have a lot of answers coming up soon. Thanks for reading ;D til next time (there will be a next time I assure you...maybe a few weeks but definitely soon...the pressure is on).