Miki Furukawa and Miku Hastune.

Best friends.

Best friends forever.

Right?

"Well, right?"

All I can think is yes. Yes, we are, Miki but I can't seem to voice it. I sigh, still tired, still confused, still debating if I should stay mad or even be mad in the first place because this is what I signed up for. If Miki is to remain in my life, this is how it's going to be. She fucks up and then here I come to pick up the mess.

The natural red-head groans.

"You still haven't answered my question!"

"Why should I? You already know the answer," I say.

"Tell me! I feel bad!"

"Of course, you feel bad! You should!"

Both of us jump and turn at the source of the snapping voice.

"You have no idea how late it was! You two are ridiculous! No better than Lily Masuda!"

Oh no, not that name. Not now. It JUST happened.

Before I can facepalm, Miki has already started.

"Don't even mention that two-timer's name! Ugh, she makes me sick! She makes me-

Miki gags and slaps a hand to her mouth. She may be sober but she's hungover. She runs to the bathroom. The door slams shut. Gurgling and violent vomiting begins.

"Bloody hell, does she do this every night? A pint and a poke?" Luka asks.

"P-poke? What?"

"Sorry, it means-

"No, don't tell me, I just...don't care."

I sigh and Luka senses the frustration building within me. Even if I am Miki's best friend, I'm allowed to criticize her. I'm just worried that I've grown completely tired of holding my tongue.

"Hey," Luka softly whispers, "I didn't mean to-

"No, it's not you, I think I'm getting a headache."

It suddenly gets quiet between us. The sound of Miki's constant gagging fills the room. She hollers, her voice muffled by the door.

"Did I eat Doritos?"

"She's mad, you know that?" Luka chuckles.

I sigh.

"I've known that. She once brought a grasshopper to school and shoved it in our teacher's face. Mrs. Jameson screamed so loud. It still hurts my ears."

Luka laughs, holding her stomach as she shakes in bewilderment.

"Oh god!"

I can't help but smile. My headache is suddenly gone. I really love her laugh.

She settles and the silence resumes. We sense something but we don't know what it is. Or maybe it's just me.

"Miku, about earlier..."

The shower, she's going to talk about the shower. Of course, she will. I can still hear her screaming my name.

"It was amazing."

I'm not so sure how to answer or what to think of it. Yes, we had sex. Great sex. Amazing. Luka kept convulsing, begging, I was giving it to her, simply put.

Except, there's something missing.

"We keep doing this, don't we?" I ask.

She tenses and clears her throat, already sensing an unwanted subject. According to her, that is.

"What do you mean?"

I purse my lips, unsure if I should bother. This is Luka Megurine and she made it perfectly clear who she is and what she wants. Clearly, it doesn't involve a relationship.

"I just think it's unfair."

"Miku, I'm not following you..."

"It's unfair."

"Did you want to use the bathroom first?"

God, she's fucking DENSE!

"That isn't what I meant!"

Luka sighs.

"What's this now? I don't understand you."

I clench my teeth. I know I look crazy but there are certain thoughts brewing and I can't seem to stop them. I keep comparing myself like an idiot. Me and Gakupo, me and Lily. Luka's past is gnawing at my brain, deteriorating what makes me sane. Even sitting on her bed disgusts me. This bed that she...god, I can't even THINK it!

"What are you going on about? Even when I say nothing I get in trouble, bloody hell."

Luka sighs, a restless tone follows.

"I could never just sit here and NOT be blamed, good god."

"Don't me so dramatic," I snap, "I'm allowed to feel this way. Not my fault you've had other people in here that pissed you off!"

Turquoise eyes widen and she grins, completely amused by my behavior.

"Other people?"

Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Luka has an obsession for control, an unhealthy one at that. It really makes me think why she is like this. While the thought lingers, she continues her current observation on my state.

"I should have known," she says.

"Known WHAT?"

"That you won't just drop it for the sake of us."

"So, there is an us?"

"Not like that, Miku."

"That doesn't make sense!"

"What do you want from me?!"

Luka screams. She really screams.

"Really? We shag, isn't that what you want? You like me, right?!"

"That isn't what it means! I don't like you just to shag-I mean FUCK you!"

"You know what, this can't happen anymore, Miku."

A knife, a sharp knife into my chest. That's what it feels like right now. It's also cold, very cold. My body is shaking, my voice follows. I need a confirmation, even if it is clear right now what's going on, I just need to hear it, really HEAR it. Seeing it, it isn't enough. Seeing her look at me so hopeless and angry, it isn't enough.

"What do you want, Luka?"

"What?"

I swallow hard.

"Just tell me what you want."

"What are you-

"TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT SO I DON'T HAVE TO WASTE MY FUCKING TIME HOPING!"

My eyes are screaming, ready to flood, daring her to say it. It's going to hurt. I know but I need this.

Otherwise, I'll keep hoping.

"Miku."

I hold my breath. In the back of my mind, I secretly wish she isn't about to say what I'm scared of. A second of wishful thinking, a warmth but then the coldness overcomes it, a sudden despair as I listen.

"I don't want to see you anymore. Not like this."

I let out a cry. A sound I never made rips through me. It's foreign, it's scary and it's all I can hear. I feel myself break, shatter like a mirror. All the while, my mind screams, what is this feeling and why does it hurt so much? What does this mean?

No, really, what is this?

"I think my heart-

"Stop, Miku," Luka begs.

"You broke my-

A door slams open. Miki stands there before us. Her amber eyes shift between us.

"Miku?"

Her voice is drained, tired but her eyes, her eyes are glaring daggers at Luka Megurine.

"I might be hungover but I'm not fucking stupid," she says, "You Luka, you can go fuck yourself."

Luka doesn't budge, she doesn't even look at me or Miki. Her eyes have darted toward the window, aimlessly, cold even. My tears are burning and my nose is flooded with an overwhelming string of goo. I keep wiping with my arm but another layer follows. I feel wet and cold all over. My face, my back, my toes, everywhere. The only warmth I feel radiates from Miki's hand.

In the back of my mind, I wonder why Miki hasn't acted up. Why she isn't fighting or screaming but then I realize once I'm heading out the door can I look back and feel something. I catch Luka's eyes. Her turquoise eyes tremble.

'What do you want, Luka?'

In the end, she didn't answer my question.

A/N: Hello. I hope you take the time to read what I am about to share. I am not trying to make excuses. I hold this story close to my heart and I won't half-ass it or take shortcuts to end it. In due time, it will have its finale but in the right way, with Miku learning and growing and finally understanding what Luka means to her. We shall see what that is. I started this story back in 2014. Back then I was different and I would update very often. In 2017, I started to travel but when I came back home, I lost myself. It took 3 years for me to remember who I am. In 2019, I updated only once. I remember that day. I had said goodbye to someone. It was best to part ways. I was able to move on for a bit but one night, it hit me. She was never coming back. That hit me very hard and as a result, I began to take less care of myself. At one point, I would wake up with trouble breathing and heart problems. One night, I woke up in the middle of night struggling to breathe with excruciating pain in my chest. I really thought that this was it, that I had hit my last stop in life. During that moment, I thought, damn, here I am alone in bed struggling to breathe and she's out there in bed with someone else. It was a horrible experience for me and for awhile, I would have trouble sleeping. I was scared that I wouldn't wake up but in time, I fought that fear. I am okay now. This quarantine means there will be a lot of time to stay in and catch up on. I want to use this time to get this story back on track. To my long time readers, thank you for sticking around and welcome newcomers! :) I hope you enjoy what's to come. Thank you.