Iruma Interspection: Seat 4: Tenya Iida

"I see, so we live in a two dimensional universe that we perceive as three dimensional, lorded over by two gods for the growth and development of watching others persevere." … Sure Iida, let's go with that. "Then I shall do my best here to answer any question you have honestly and as swiftly as possible!" Thank you.

"You're curious about my view on my friend, Suzuki Iruma?" That's the idea. "Very well, I shall start off by saying he is one of the most admirable classmates I've ever associated with. He is very kind hearted and honest, something the rest of the class frankly needs to work on." True enough.

How come you don't call him by his first name? "It would be impolite to refer to any person by their first name within public situations. The first name is reserved for intimacy, absolute care, and family!" So a stickler. "I'm just following the rules of courtesy." You do realize the rest of your class refers to him by his first name? "I acknowledged this. This is just them showing how much they appreciate the kindest student in class. Of course they would grow to care about him." Bit of a double standard here.

"I suppose it would be fair to say I find him a bit reckless at points." What else is new? "He's so used to encountering danger all the time that he can't properly comprehend what it means to BE in danger." He knows swimming from a shark means you're in danger. Along with burning buildings and stuff.

"But at this point he thinks danger is a part of his life, and that shouldn't be how it works. I frankly place all the blame on his deplorable and degenerate parents." Good for you. "I may have been a bit too relaxed in the moral department as of late, but I will say the thought of kicking the Suzuki's into a jail cell in tartarus hasn't sounded appealing once or twice." Do it.

"However, I will not do it myself." Why? "The last time I tried to take justice into my own hands was Stain." Ah, right, that's fair. "So all I can do is help Suzuki into society, and help him uphold the law to the best of his ability. That is my responsibility as his friend, to help him avoid my mistake."

Iruma Job Corner: Park Maintenance

And there was the last piece of garbage. "Here you go Rigby, all the trash is collected."

"Thanks kid." The raccoon quirk user looked into the bag. "Wow, you actually got all the trash in here. What did this take you? Half hour, full hour?"

"Two hours, because those mole people kept coming up and started causing a bunch of little earthquakes that kept spilling it. Had to dive to the center of the earth to talk to the mole king to get them to stop."

"No way." The man's eyes stared at him. He knew it was an unbelievable story, but that's what happened. "We dealt with the mole people last week. Usually they take a month to come back." Or it wasn't. "Yo Mordecai, the mole people broke the treaty!"

"No way dude." A bird person made his way to them. "I gave him my mixtape, sweet sweet love. There's no way they would fight against the power of love."

"If it was your singing they would."

"You're a great singer, Modercai!" Iruma supported the taller man. "That's why the coffee shop girl liked the song you made for her." It was really catchy too!

"At least someone here's appreciative." Modercai mumbled. "Oh by the way, thanks for cleaning the bathrooms and the fountain when we went on break yesterday."

"No problem, those geese kept coming back and making a mess, but I just gave them my lunch and they left me alone." Good thing too, they turned into a giant robot and were about to smash the fountain before he did."

"HEY!" They turned to Benson, the gumball boss. "Get back to work, or you're fired!"

"But we finished!"

"I um … what?"

"Yeah, the trash is picked up, the cart's been washed, the opossum's no longer living in the vent, and I made sure to feed that floating head that's in the middle of the park." Looked alot like lollipop grandpa.

"I … see." Benson looked down at his clipboard. "Then I guess that's all, good job every-wait a second." He paused. "I know how you are, Suzuki." Did he do something bad? "Did Rigby and Mordicai tell you to do their work so they could goof off?"

He looked at Rigby frantically waving his hands. "Rigby said I shouldn't tell you." His two co-workers slapped their foreheads for some reason.

"Is that so?" Benson smirked. "Well then, how'd you like a bonus for this week's pay? Something tells me I'll have enough money to afford it after I cut a few costs."

"That sounds amazing!" Mordecai and Rigby groaned even more after that.

"This was a worse idea than hiring a temp to do your work." The birdman sighed.

"How was I supposed to know he was a shapeshifting identity stealer?"

"Yeah, but I got money from said shapeshifting identity stealer." That was fair, he needed money to, even if someone took off his face.

What if …Iruma was a puppy

All Might had dealt with many situations over the years. Evil kings, doomsday devices, brain bleach. He felt like he'd seen it all.

Finding a criminal empire being sat on by a puppy was a new one. "So, what exactly am I looking at here?" He rhetorically asked the blue furred canine.

"Bark!" Yes, that answered all his questions, obviously.

Seeing he wasn't getting an answer he looked around. The room was heavily damaged, likely from a large variety of quirks. "Can anyone here explain what the heck just happened?"

"Don't…don't look directly in his eyes…" One of the down yakuza goons spoke from the floor, barely able to keep his heads up. "You…won't be able to…resist….the snuggling…"

"The … snuggling…" He spoke dumbfounded. Weren't they turning a little girl into bullets? How the fuck did they get soft?

"Iru! Iru!" Said little girl ran into the room as the puppy jumped off the and ran into the bandaged girl's arms. "You're alright! The bird men didn't hurt you!"

"Bark!" The dog replied, jumping into the girl's arm and devouring her face in licks.

"Iru! Stop it!" The girl giggled, apparently NOT traumatized at the moment.

"No…too….cute…" The man explaining everything FAINTED from witnessing such an act.

"Seriously, what the heck is happening around here!?"

"Oh, I can answer that, Mighty man." Himiko Toga, one of the members of the LOV came in and grabbed the two and wrapped them in her own hug. "This little cutie was starting to get 'troublesome' for that Overhaul guy, so one of the goons thought getting her a dog would make her more cooperative."

"But the puppy is just too adorable to resist." Twice, another LOV member came in and petted them. "Who's a good bad boy. You are."

"Ah, why are you here?" He was only getting more confused despite the facts seemingly lining up.

"Oh, we were sent to go undercover and take whatever the source of those quirk bullets, but after we met these two, it turned into an all out battle for custody of them both."

"Riiiight." He slowly spoke. "So I'm going to hand her to the proper authorities who can, you know, give them a home for non criminals." He started with reason.

"Alright. Fat chance! We're taking them! We're parents of two now!I'm not ready to be a dad!"

"I will kill everyone in this room and myself if you harm a hair on this little girl's head."

"… So it seems we're at a stalemate … especially since my friends are arriving any minute now."

"Bark!" The puppy yelped.

"Yeah, please don't hurt them, they're super nice! Mask man is really funny and Himi-chan has a really pretty smile!"

He sighed, when had life become so complicated? Taking enemies out with cuteness.

Annon Chat, interrupted with a phone call

Mr and Mrs Oni relaxed on a cruise ship, drinking a fruit picalada. "So refreshing…" Her perfectly normal husband said as they gathered up the refreshing rays of the normal sun. "I've never been more relaxed in my life."

"Yep, that's what a perfectly normal life leads to." She sighed, glad they took the offer for this business trip. Sure, it was lasting a whole lot longer than it reasonably should've, but with perks like this, she was tempted to stay here. "Peach definitely had the right idea of giving up the royal life. Way too much stress for one person."

"Oh really? I seemed to remember a certain cute little imp all about the wild life before?. Her husband chuckled. "What, old age.." He was given a strike in the gut. "My bad, shouldn't have mentioned it."

"It was … a phase." She sighed. "All that stress and craziness wouldn't do good for the family. Have you seen the crows?"

"Point made." Her husband nodded. "Did you really travel to the human world? You bragged about it for a while and then sort of shut down whenever someone brought it up."

"I…I did." She sighed. "Pretty interesting people up there, even if they all smelled terrible."

"Oh yeah, quirks were a thing." He shrugged. "So fun world but the smell was too much?"

"The guy before you made me realize it was wrong to just live life on the edge all the time." She could still remember the nights he was under her, caressing with those weird hands …

"Oh well good for him-wait there was a man before me?"

She looked at her husband confused. "I told you this before. During your bachelor party as a sort of last minute confession."

"I WAS DRUNK!"

"I was young, and obviously nothing ever came from." She didn't see the big deal. "I never shamed you for the one time with Raim."

"Which I told you about, after our first date." She shrugged. "Does Eiko know you were with someone else?"

"No reason to." There wasn't a reason, especially since she was sure the girl would freak out at an apparently human half sister. A small amount of guilt filled her mind while remembering her first kid. She didn't even know her first name. "I'd rather keep the rest of my life as normal as possible."

Sure, not having a bloodline was a challenge for Eiko, but she could have a decent life. The girl was smart when she applied herself, she had nothing but high hopes for.. "Honey, you're Hellphone's been ringing for a while."

"Oh..so it is." She checked the caller ID. "It's Peach, probably just wants to say hi." She accepted. "Hey Peach! How's it been? The kid's doing alright?"

"Your daughter inherited your adrenaline junkie phase." … shit. "She also met a nice boy." Please be average. "And girl." …Okay….polyogamy was still normal…"They're related to Lord Sullivan and Azazel respectively." Damn it! "And I'm certain she's trying to create that 'nuclear' power you talked about before." Fuck. Her fears have been realized. They needed the bunker ready.