"Have you ever been here to Seattle, Natalie?" asked Marcie as they began cleaning up the kitchen. They had gotten the kids down a while ago and were just enjoying each other's company now. When Marcie had said she needed to finish up in the kitchen Natalie had come in here and joined her.
"No, I haven't," she said as she turned to glance into the living room to see John chatting with his mom.
"We should take you and Liam to some of the tourist sights. Like the Space Needle or Pike Place Market."
"That sounds like fun," she smiled.
"What about a trip on the Ferry? Those are always fun."
"We'll be lucky if it gets to 45 degrees this week, babe. Maybe that would be a better idea for a summer excursion," spoke up Michael as he walked back into the kitchen for a drink.
"Oh, right," she said sheepishly. "I just want them to enjoy themselves while they are here-help forget what happened in Llanview."
"Thank you, Marcie. Those other two things really do sound great."
"Hey, why don't you go sit down and relax some. I'll do the dishes."
"Really? Ok," said Marcie and walked towards the other room.
"You ok, kid?" asked Michael as he called to Natalie before she could rejoin the others.
"Yeah, I just-it's been a rough week." Natalie turned back to the kitchen sink and leaned against the counter as she watched Michael begin to start the dishes.
"I can only imagine. I mean, I know what it's like to have your world torn apart suddenly," he said, thinking back to the truth about Tommy coming out. "How are you and John?"
"We're good-I guess," she shrugged, deciding to grab a cloth and wet it before wiping down the table.
"You guess? Nat-I've barely seen the two of you talk at all over the last few days."
"Your brother talks?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"With you more than anyone. Except maybe mom. While you two are here we can watch Liam for a bit if you need to talk. Because I'm pretty sure he's been around you almost nonstop and you two haven't had a chance to be alone."
"Thanks, Michael," she smiled as she put down the rag and went into the living room. "What'd I miss?"
"Nothing really," said John with a shake of his head.
"I was just telling John that I saw his old FBI partner's name listed in an article recently. He's working out of the Seattle office and I thought maybe John could reach out and catch up," said Eve.
"You should do that," said Natalie and was responded to with silence. "I need to call Jess before it gets too late," she said as she went towards the stairs.
"Tell her we said hi," said Marcie cheerfully as Natalie continued up the steps.
Walking down the stairs Michael McBain jumped at seeing a figure sitting in his darkened living room. Once he turned on the nearest light he breathed a sigh of relief to see his brother there.
"John-what are you doing down here in the dark?"
"Oh, uhm-Natalie was on the phone with Jessica and I wanted to give her some privacy."
"That was hours ago, John. The light is off in your room and it's two in the morning."
"Really? I guess I should go to bed," he said as he rubbed his neck and stood up.
"What's going on, John?"
"What do you mean?"
"You and Natalie have been here for two days and while you've been talking to all the other people in this house, it's been pretty quiet between the two of you."
"Yeah, I know-it's just-"
Michael held a hand up before letting his brother rattle on, "Where is your wallet?"
"In my coat-why?"
"Get both and come on. I have an early shift at the hospital, but first we're going to get something to eat and I'm going to make you talk to me."
John sat at the booth in the diner his brother had found so they could talk. He wasn't sure what to say. When he had first made it back to Natalie, and after getting confirmation of what Clint had done, he was just happy she was letting him be a part of their lives again. But now that they were out of Llanview it felt like the weight of everything back in Port Charles was pulling him down.
"Ok, I know you hate doing this, but you've got to talk, Johnny."
"I know," he said with a chuckle. "I just-I have so much to apologize for. I mean, there are screw ups, and then there is this."
"Which part? Because there are multiple levels of screw ups in this situation. You gotta be more specific."
"My reaction to her letter-or the supposed letter," he said as he took a long sip of coffee and then stared off into space as he spoke. "I was with Sam when I got the letter-."
"When you say with-you weren't, uhm-?"
John made a face at the suggestion, "No, her mom was my lawyer. And she had sent me a message that something from Clint's lawyer had been delivered to her house. I got there and it was just Sam there. She wanted to give me privacy, but I asked her to stay while I read the words that Natalie had found someone else and all the other lies that for some reason I believed."
"That's understandable-though I've never known Natalie to care about money. Or-what was the other line?"
"The life she's been accustomed to having," he said dryly and took another sip, wishing it was something stronger. "After reading the letter-I almost slept with Sam. Because I felt like I'd lost it all. That maybe the connection I'd had with Natalie for ten years was really gone this time. But in reality-the only thing gone was my unborn child."
Michael let his brother sit there for a minute, letting what he'd just said out loud sink in as he was pretty sure John had not admitted that previously. "Have you talked with Natalie about this? About any of it?"
"No," he said with a shake of his head. "Because I'm scared there's a chance she won't forgive me for this. So, I guess I'm still in the same place I was on the docks in Port Charles. Scared to tell her I screwed up, and wondering how much I've lost."
"She wouldn't be here if she hadn't in some small way already begun to forgive you, John. But to move past this-and there's a lot to move past-you have to talk. And it has to be you to take the first step."
Natalie began to wake up and could feel the bed was cold. She'd gone to sleep before John had come in, and seeing how his side was still made she wondered where he'd slept last night. Looking at her watch she saw it was just past 5. Her body was still on Llanview time and she wished she could make herself go back to sleep. Knowing Liam would probably be up soon as well she slipped out of bed, grabbing a robe, before heading downstairs.
She found John reading over a paper in the kitchen. "Hey."
"Hey, we need to talk," he said as he got up and went to make her a cup of coffee. He'd had a few hours to think over what all he wanted to say. What all he needed to say. And all he could hope for now was that it would be enough, and she would forgive him.
"Is this why you never came to bed last night?" she asked as he walked back over and handed her a cup.
John just nodded and sat down. "Yeah. You know-we never have really talked about what happened in Port Charles. We talked a bit at Rodi's while in the storage room, but since then we've just been going through the normal movements. You and I both know what happened in Port Charles and everything afterwards was not normal."
Natalie took a deep breath, not sure if she was ready to find out the answers to questions she had, "Ok. I'll start. What was the relationship between you and Sam?"
"There was no relationship, I promise you, Natalie. Before that kiss I felt something with her-like I knew her in a past life. But I never wanted to act on anything with her. And the day after the kiss I went back to Llanview to wait for you to come home. Because, like I said before, you are my home, Natalie."
"Why didn't you tell me though? If it was truly nothing you should have talked about it and explained it to me. Instead of finding out from a picture. Do you know what I thought when I saw it?" she asked, feeling the pain in her chest from the memory.
John nodded, "I know. I thought, maybe, if enough time went by that you would see how little it meant to me. And how much you mean to me. You and Liam-you are everything."
Natalie looked into his eyes, and believed what he was telling her was the truth. And yet-there was something else he wasn't saying, "Is there more?"
"Yeah," he said as he got up and began to pace the kitchen, feeling sick at telling her this part. "When I got the letter I was at my lawyer's house. She is also Sam's mom, and Sam was there. When I read the letter, I thought it was over. Thought you'd found someone else for you and Liam."
"You slept with her." Her voice was soft, as she tried to process what he was about to say.
"No, but I came damn close."
Walking back over to the table he sat down and took her hands in his, a small amount of relief coming to her letting him do so. "I don't know why I gave up on us so quickly. Now, looking back on that letter, I don't know how I believed any of those words because it isn't you at all. So, while I was giving up on the best thing that ever happened to me-you were losing our child. Can you forgive me for that? For giving up on our family because of some words on a piece of paper?"
Natalie couldn't help the tears that appeared at the mention of their baby. She let go of his hand to wipe the ones that leaked out and then took his hand again, "I knew you would be there if you knew the truth. I couldn't understand why you didn't show up."
"I'm here now-if it makes a difference. And I'm not leaving-unless you tell me to."
"No, being with you is where I want to be. You are my best friend John-the one that I want to tell how my day is like. The one who I want to comfort me when I'm having a bad day. We can get through this-I want to get through this."
John let out a deep breath knowing they would be ok, "Good. I know I don't say it enough, but I love you, Natalie."
She smiled at hearing him say the words, "I love you too."