There were no footsteps to warn me before the shōji slid open; whomever the intruder was, he'd been silent like a ninja. Adrenalin flooded my veins as I rolled away. My mind was half awake – working on intuition alone – when I unsheathed the elvish sword and pointed it to the entrance. It was deviated by an expert parry with a characteristic metallic 'ding'.
Caught off guard, I was about to charge when my gaze caught two dark eyes in the moonlight. I knew that face, those unforgiving lines framed by jet black hair that danced in the breeze.
"You're an efficient guard, Kitsu", Hijikata stated, his blade still drawn.
I sheathed my sword cautiously, taking in the silence of the night behind him.
"You didn't announce yourself."
It wasn't a scolding, nor a justification, just the pain truth.
"I didn't want to wake Yukimura", he almost murmured. It felt like thunder rolling over the plains, so far away, yet so close. The rushing of waves on a distant shore; I swore there was magic in his voice.
"She's sleeping like the dead", I whispered, watching the tuft of dark hair buried under the chief commander's blankets. My gaze returned to Hijikata, surprised to see his eyes softening at the sight of the little lady, tucked in his bed. He sheathed his blade without even looking at it, his hand guiding the katana in its rightful place. The sword shone in the moonlight, and I watched, mesmerised, the movement of the blade as it returned at the Commander's hip.
How those guys managed to keep all their fingers was a mystery to me. The man gestured for me to come outside, and he reached over my shoulder to close the door behind me. Damn, he was tall ! For a Japanese guy, this certainly was a particularity.
"Danger has passed, you can return to you room and catch some sleep", he stated.
A thousand questions assaulted my mind, but I resolved to let it rest until the next day. I was about to leave when the most peculiar thought stopped me; Chizuru was sleeping in his room…
"What about you ?", I blurted out.
The man paused in the moonlight, and I had to admit that the contrast of his dark hair against pale skin made him a work of art. Well, not only that. The intensity of his eyes, puzzled by my question, complimented the sharp lines of his face. His jaw, usually so tense, was slightly relaxed. Instead of scolding me, he almost seemed amused.
"I believe I shall be able to handle myself."
"Right", I chuckled. "Forgive me for caring."
For a moment, we both watched the shadows dancing in the breeze. The moon shone like a silver lantern, high above. Probably laughing at us down below, who were just pawns in greater events. For the moment, though, I could appreciate the stillness of the night. The beauty of the temple's garden never failed to amaze me. A stronger gust of wind rustled my clothes and I shivered; days were warmer, but the temperature still dropped at night. For a moment, I envied Hijikata and his thousand layers. My eyes returned to him, finding his eyes sparkling with mischief in the shadows of the night.
"You are Kondō's san rightful page if you start checking up on me."
I shrugged; it was true that Kondō's affection for the man he called Toshi allowed me to see another side of Hijikata than the stern Oni no Fukuchō. I was privy to anecdotes of their shared youth, in particular, that demistified the man that stood by my side… a bit. Kondō was a great soul, unfit to walk the harshness of this world. Speaking of which, I wondered how he fared with Itō-snake.
"I guess he's busy trying to save the day."
The commander's features closed off, and I realised this stern expression was actually not directed to me, but to the situation. I would have to share my finding to Chizuru; the kid always trembled in her geta whenever he scowled. The Vice Commander interrupting my musings with a growl.
"I don't have much faith in this. Itō will use this to his advantage."
I frowned; Hijikata's sour mood was contagious, and I suddenly felt very unsafe at the idea of returning to my room. My only saving grace was the sword at my hip. I gripped its hilt; I'd do anything to keep it with me, but didn't want to overstep my boundaries. Trust was precious, I needed to be able to count on the Shisengumi to have my back. Still… I couldn't walk away in the night without that precious guardian.
"Hijikata-san", I whispered. "Will you allow me to keep my sword ?"
The man pierced me with a gaze so intense that I felt naked, inside out. He probably wasn't so heavy, but his imposing presence made him seem twice his size. The warrior's aura, proding me, asking for my intentions. At last, he nodded almost imperceptibly.
"You are no longer a prisoner, Kitsu. But if you ever use your blade against us, I'll be the one to kill you."
Strangely, the threat didn't faze me. Returning my blade was a risk, and it was natural that he took responsibility for it personally. Deep down, I knew that, as the sun rose to the east, Hijikata would never have cause to harm me. Call it the Keeper of Time's intuition, or a foolish conviction. A wide smile bloomed upon my face, I just couldn't contain it, when, I bowed to him.
"Fair game. Good night, Hijikata-san."
I missed the stunned look that overtook his features when I disappeared at the corner of the engawa.
The next day, in the afternoon.
I woke up late to Shinpachi yelling profanities about Itō. That snake was leaving, at last. Discovering that Sanan-san wasn't as dead he was supposed to be had thrown him into a fit. What a relief ! Though, I wasn't stupid enough to consider myself out of the woods; our personal war wasn't over. Yet. His departure only put me out of reach, for the moment.
My joy was short lived when I realised the whole contingent of men that followed him. Damn. How would the Shinsengumi handle the loss ? I had many other considerations in mind for the moment, such as the existence of Rasetsu and the recurring interrogation; what should I do ? As an individual, I was only entitled to have an opinion about it. As the Keeper of Time… that was another issue.
I needed to see Sanan-san, but it would have to wait. For the moment, Chizuru was slumped over my shoulder, crying her eyes out because Heisuke had chosen to follow after Itō the deserter. And Saitō, as well as the captains of fifth and eight squad. There were many captains I didn't know well, yet, including a soft-spoken man of the sixth – Inoue-san – and a tall guy, Shimada, who behaved like a huge teddy bear. I didn't see them in the ranks. Good.
As they marched out of the compound, with perhaps seventy or so men, I shivered. One quarter of the shinsengumi forces shared Itō's beliefs about foreigners. This definitely wasn't a good place for me to be. Hidden behind the Sakura tree, the last flower petals danced about my face as I watched the two familiar faces of the captains. Neither friends, but not foes anymore. Heisuke was so easy to get along with, to see him following a man who hated foreigners was a strange blow that resonated deep within. Had he befriended me to exctract information ? Sold me off to Itō ? No, I couldn't believe that of him.
As for Saitō… it puzzled me. The man had shown unwavering loyalty to Hijikata. I would had sworn he'd die for his commander… Saitō's silence talked volumes to me; he admired Hijikata, and bowed to his will. In return, the commander trusted him. So why did he take that path ? Was my mind refusing to believe the dissension ? Was it naïveté, only, that kept me from understanding the historical event playing under my very eyes.
We whipped dinner this evening, Chizuru and I, between sniffles and heavy silence. My sword rested at my hip, and no captain came to check on my whereabouts. Hijikata had kept his word; I wasn't a prisoner anymore. The others were probably still reeling from the shock of Itō-snake's departure, and happy enough to be off the hook. Surely the end of this surveillance would bring them a little relief.
For once, Sanan-san ate dinner in the common room. I realised Itō's absence would allow him more freedom. Poor man, he'd been on house arrest within his own organisation. Most of the men still thought him dead, but here, in the Captain's quarters, he was still welcome. As for me… I shared his predicament. I was no longer required to hide.
We settled in front of boiled vegetables and rice balls in a sinister silence. I observed people as they ate, the way Shinpachi's knuckles spasmed over the bowl, or how Sōji affected to be nonchalant when his posture was far from relaxed. His cough wasn't abating, and it was sometimes the only noise in the room. The rasps twisted my heart; depite Okita's annoying personality, I couldn't help but feel sympathetic for his plight. Nowadays, he wasn't even allowed outside the compound for patrol. He spent day scooped in his room, and even more time watching over Chizuru.
Sanan, he and I were all prisoners of our own free will.
The ceremony with which everything was served, the small hills created by rolled rice, everything had a placement. It brought me solace. In Japan, there were codes for everything; I appreciated it. It brought routine, and certain peacefulness. It wasn't to the point when I felt smothered by them; it comforted me. The fact that, even though the world could turn upside down, I'd find the same platters, the same rice bowls, the same set of swords laid out in the same order beside their respective owners. With Saitō absent, they all rested on the right side. So did mine.
It was part of Japanese culture, and I could totally feel the zen attitude of enjoying the moment while our chopsticks picked up at stray vegetables in the bowl.
I watched those proud warriors, eating their meal as if it had been the last, musing over the political climate. The arrival of those damn black ships, ten years ago, had probably felt like a bolt of thunder at their feet. To understand that the neatly organised society, thousands of years of traditions, were about to be toppled over. That no matter their skill with the blade, no matter their inner strength, honour and courage, the Samuraï could do nothing against the greater weaponry of the occident.
To learn that the outside world could crush them on a whim… I understood, badly, why people reacted like Itō-sod. Aggression to aggression, the temptation to bury your head in the sand and hope it all went away, to return to what was, rather than embrace this terrible future. But it was inevitable, right ? This world was about to die, clinging to his traditions to infuse the next society. Samuraï would be shunned, money would overtake the world, and there was nothing we could do except to make that flame burn harder, longer, stronger so that it seared people's hearts.
The last of Samuraï, those people that dined beside me, held that flame like Olympic runners. Is that why I was here ? To help them die peacefully ? To feed the legend, so that the world would remember ?
Whatever my aim was, I now accepted it was my rightful place; beside them. The Shinsengumi were my new brothers in arms. When Kondō-san broke the silence, my resolve only strengthened. I would help.
"We lost two of our own, but retrieved Sanan-san." He smiled at the grey bespectacled man with fondness, calling a shy smile to lift the corner of his lips. "And earned a new member."
I started; was he talking about me ? His earnest gaze caught mine, and I read the response easily enough. Yes, as well as I now considered the Shinsengumi my adoptive brothers in arms, Kondō had adopted me as his own. What would the others say ? Hijikata, Okita ? I didn't dare watching them.
Honoured, I pushed my tray aside and bowed to him, my forehead touching the tatami mat. This inclusion moved me; it that how Saitō had felt the first time someone had accepted his left handedness ? Overcome with emotion, I swore to myself that I would protect Kondō to the best of my abilities.
"Kitsu-san", Sanan started, his voice slighty hoarse from yesterday's screaming, "What are your intentions ?"
I blinked the tears away, schooling my features before I turned to the bespectacled scientist.
"I'd like to join night patrol."
Many eyebrows rose, and Shinpachi even scoffed. "A woman on patrol ?"
"My hair won't stand out so much in the dark, especially if I tie it tightly. I can help protect people against stray monsters and bandits alike."
"Say you are going crazy scooped inside the compound", Okita snorted.
It was meant a jab, but there was some truth in it. Here I was, in Kyōto, in the 19th century before occidental ways washed over it. This was my chance at learning, and understanding Japan and its people. Geeks and historians would kill for this opportunity.
"That too", I responded earnestly. Biting Sōji's head off would have been very unfair, given his current condition. I hoped he would pull through whatever disease had claimed his lungs. A cold shiver ran down my back at the thought, and I wondered what my intuition was trying to tell me.
"Kyokuchō, are you sure about this ?", Shinpachi protested.
He and I weren't on friendly terms; I kept pushing away his attempts at flirting, and was borderline cold with him. Had he realised how differently I treated Harada, whom I respected highly ? The fact was that Harada wasn't misogynist, when Shinpachi just couldn't help it. He was the Japanese James Bond, and it irked me.
Kondō-san turned to Hijikata, eyebrows raised.
"What do you think, Toshi ?"
That little nickname caused me to inwardly smile; the Oni Commander turned into a boy. The fact that he never protested told me the respect was mutual between he and Kondō. Toshi – no, Hijikata – turned his simmering eyes to me. A warning shone deep within, as well as a question.
"Kitsu is efficient with a blade", he stated.
It was neither a yes, nor a no. What did he expect from me ? Sanan interrupted our staring contest, musing over an esthetic issue.
"As a matter of fact, I think you should keep your hair dangling. It would help the Shinsengumi to have a Kitsune working for us."
I turned to him with wonder. Was he actually trusting me ? Kondō seemed more reserved, whether because it would place me in danger, or because he didn't trust me not to escape with their secrets. Still, I nodded to Sanan-san.
"Perhaps we can powder the Shinsengumi's reputation with a bit more magic, yes." There were a few mutters in the background; I ignored them. Sanan and I had come to an understanding, and when my eyes returned to Hijikata, I hoped to all the Gods that he had caught it. "After all who else than a Kitsune to answer to an Oni ?"
A slight smirk lifted the corner of his mouth, and I allowed myself to hope. Thunder and clouds returned to his expression soon enough. "Night patrol, and you answer to the captain in charge. And remember that if you step out of line …"
I rolled my eyes and cut him rudely. "You'll kill me, I know. I'm your humble servant, Oni no Fukuchō."
Kondō actually laughed before he lifted his teacup to his mouth, swallowing a mouthful to seal the deal.
"Thus, Kitsu-san, you will be added to Harada's patrols. Welcome to the Shinsengumi."
I lifted my cup to him, and stated "To sincerity". This was their motto. The others chuckled, or mocked me for not using sake. I didn't need the thrill of alcohol for my pulse to race, and my heart to leap with joy.
Yey ! I hope you enjoyed this little 'heart to heart' moment in the moonlight. Hakuouki reflected so well this contemplative mood. I found myself enthralled.