Hey, it's been a while since I graced you with a chapter. Albeit the lack of reaction to the last one was disappointing :'( But life goes on, and time rolls for Frances as well.
Yamazaki eventually stopped fussing around me when I stated that, with or without his approval, I was going to pass the damn threshold of my room … or implode altogether. I knew the bruise upon my throat was impressive, I still had trouble swallowing. Both Chizuru and Harada still frowned at the sight. The captain of the tenth unit usually wasn't as hot-headed as his peers of the baka trio, but I still remembered his simmering hazel eyes when Hijikata had carried me back to my room.
The Vice Commander had to raise his voice to prevent him from rushing out.
"They're gone, Harada. This son of a bitch disappeared into thin air."
Sanosuke's nostrils flared and he swore, his knuckles white over the spear.
"What the hell, Hikijata! How did a single Oni manage to keep the three of you … the four of you in check! Three of our best swordsmen, and a Rasetsu!"
Fukuchō snorted derisively, muttering something about 'best swordsmen' under his breath. His own anger swirled under the surface, barely kept at bay.
"He threw Sanan-san over the wall like a rag doll!" he thundered.
Despite the fact that both he and Harada were of similar age and shared a strong companionship, I felt both tempers escalate. Was it the helplessness that caused it?
"Don't fight," I rasped, struggling to sit up on the futon.
My voice was raw, the lack of oxygen causing my head to spin. A warm hand steadied me at my back – Hijikata's – while another shot to my chin. Harada's eyes pierced me, his calloussed fingers lifting my head to take a look at the injury.
"Kuso ! That bastard got you good."
"I'll kill him," I murmured, reaching for the stinging pain at my neck; the skin was raw, and bleeding from the silver chain. Another set of warm fingers wrapped my shaking hands. Hijikata's touch was soft, his voice coiled with regrets.
"Don't touch it. Yamazaki will put a salve over it."
Harada nodded. "Okita went to fetch him. He'll be there soon enough."
I watched them both, eyes travelling between the tenth captain and the Vice Commander.
"Sano…", I breathed. "He took … he…"
I swallowed as tears flowed upon my cheeks, the emotion too rough to keep them inside. Harada's face contorted in fury and he turned to Hijikata.
"What did that bastard want?"
"He took the necklace," Hijikata provided. Harada frowned; he couldn't understand what it meant since I'd never told him how the magic of the Valar worked. The Vice Commander's eyebrows shot up; he probably thought I had shared most of it with Harada.
It wasn't the case. Me and my secrets.
"What?"
"The Keeper of Time's necklace."
A sharp intake of breath, and I was pulled in a warm embrace. Harada's arms circled my frame as I broke down, sobbing like a baby in the safety of his arms.
I didn't even realise that Hijikata left my side, albeit he stood in a corner of the room, watching my pitiful wailing in the tenth captain's arms. Didn't see his jaw tighten, and the fire burning in his eyes when he allowed Yamazaki in.
I didn't remember much more than my tears leaking while the young man treated my wound. Hardly remembered Sanosuke's gentle hands, picking up the flowers in my hair, and releasing the braids from their pins.
Overall, Harada Sanosuke had seen me at my worst. As he told me one day, isn't that what brothers in arms are for?
A few days passed, but I couldn't remain here; I was about to go crazy with all the thinking. Dejected, I considered my options. They ran in circles in my bruised brain; to go after Kazama on my own, or remain here and fulfil my purpose. The terrible sensation that I was about to die here resurfaced, stronger than before. I doubted I would see the end of 1868 alive, and the idea of my own death, little by little, wormed its way into my heart.
Would it be so terrible, after all?
I spotted Okita on the other side of the courtyard. The Captain waved his hand and went on without seeking contact. Good. He must have sensed the mood.
The shock of wandering around without my necklace, without this safety net against my chest, had stolen my confidence. I felt like a girl, lost in a warrior's world. Without my title. The Keeper of Time no more. I wasn't this creature of prophecy, the one the elves had welcomed heartily. The woman that walked alongside Kings, Princes and Captains without having to blush. The woman with a purpose.
Now, I was just a gaijin trapped in the Shinsengumi's compound.
A day passed, and I grew sick of the worried looks. Dinner occurred without any of the three commanders. I remained silent, lost in myself recriminations. Okita's attempts at making me mad thoroughly failed, for my mind was far, far away from earthly considerations. I just wondered what the Shinsengmu's chiefs were busy with, and hoping it had nothing to do with my situation; such a failure was unforgivable.
Perhaps I should leave altogether, and allow them some measure of peace before the explosive situation with Chōshū and all those nationalists blew up. The weather was turning colder; autumn was settling, trees shed their leaves to carpet to ground. It wasn't the ideal season to go, but I'd brought them nothing but hassle since I landed here.
After dinner, my steps led me, prudently, to Kondō's office. I hoped his friendship would shed light upon my path. I found both Sanan and Kondō sitting by a portable brazier – a hibachi. The ceramic bowl was filled with ashes and burning coal, bringing warmth to the room. The poor efficiency, though, forced people to sit nearby. Sanan and Kondō welcomed me with serious faces. The Colonel offered me a cup of tea, and I gave him a waning smile.
"Frances-chan," The Captain said. "I have reconvened with both Colonel and Vice Commander. Sanan-san has offered to use the rasetsu unit to recover the artefact."
I inhaled sharply, the steam from my cup of tea causing me to cough awkwardly. Hour after hour, I had tortured myself over the idea to stay, and resume my duties, or leave on my own. What they offered, that third solution, was almost too crazy, too generous to even consider. I felt guilty that Sanan been hurt on my behalf, but his sitting in seiza told me the injury was already mended. The perks of being a rasetsu. Still … to put himself in more danger?
"What? Did Hijikata-san approve this?"
Sanan pursed his lips, but there was no mistaking the steel of his gaze. Had they fought, or was I reading his posture wrong?
"He did," Kondō replied, his features stern. "We are worried about what Kazama could achieve with such a powerful tool."
Oh. Of course. This wasn't about me; the Shinsengumi protected Kyōto. I should have taught them, in more details, how the necklace worked.
"Nothing, I think. The Valar control it."
"Are you sure?" Sanan asked. "What if he tears the fabric of reality?"
I frowned deeply; I had considered those questions. Had the artefact never been stolen in the past ten thousand years? I doubted it; middle earth, and earth were populated by a plethora of sorcerers and ill-intentioned people with magical power. For the moment, it was still there. Intact. The only logical conclusion, to me, was that the Valar would never allow it to transport someone who wasn't meant to be the Keeper of Time.
"I won't say it is impossible, but he would have to be more powerful than my Gods."
"Or use it in a way you haven't discovered before."
Trust the scientist to look at the problem with all possible angles; this was why I got along so well with Sanan-san. This time, though, past experience had taught me that the necklace was impervious to tempering.
"The best astrophysicist of my time-tested it thoroughly. Granted, without magic, but she's collapsed a whole set of stars by herself. And she couldn't get anything from the necklace. I think we are pretty safe on that side."
Both men seemed to deflate slightly at my words, a long look of understanding passing between them.
"Those are good news indeed," Kondō stated with a nod. "If there is no hurry, it will grant us more time to find it."
We. Us.
A strong wave of belonging whirled in my chest, and tears welled in my eyes. I blinked them away, crushing the feeling mercilessly as I took a sip of the soothing sencha. Could I really ask the Shinsengumi to back me up? I was the one supposed to help, not the other way around. Endangering more lives, for my sake? Impossible.
Thus, my answer was final.
"I can't ask you to do this. This is a burden you cannot take on my behalf."
"You didn't," Sanan responded, his silky voice firm. I cocked my head aside, watching the strength of that man people underestimated so easily because he was mild-mannered. An exponential indeed. That quest, facing the Oni, could very well lead him to his breaking point.
"You are part of us now, Kitsu-kun. We look after our own."
His words touched me deeply, but I couldn't afford to allow them to tread this path of destruction.
"You honour me, but I haven't done enough to warrant such support. And albeit you have my eternal gratitude for backing me up, this is a fight between a rogue Oni and myself. I cannot bring the wrath of demons upon the Shinsengumi."
Little did I know that Hijikata had told them the same words, predicting I would refuse to put more captains in danger. I'd learn, later on, what Fukuchō and I had in common; much more than I could fathom at this point. Still, I couldn't impose anymore on the organisation that had fed, housed and protected me so diligently.
"I cannot condone it, but I shall never forget," I concluded, bowing low.
"The presence of Chizuru-chan already led us to war with the Oni," Sanan calmly stated. "If you go alone, you run to your death."
I sighed. Once more, Sanan had nailed and bagged all possibilities in a single sentence. If I attacked Kazama, I would die. Elvish sword, or not. If others followed me, then so would they. Any man that dared protecting me would eventually meet his end, and I had no doubt Sanosuke would be of those. Could I take a father from his unborn child? A husband from his wife? A bright soul from this world?
"I know…", I started, my words eliciting a gasp from Kondō.
How I had earned Harada's loyalty still baffled me, but it didn't matter anymore. Squaring my shoulders, I straightened and stated:
" … this is why I won't go after Kazama".
"What do you intend to do?" the Captain frowned.
I was no longer the Keeper of Time; my life was worth as much as Harada's, or Shinpachi's, or any of the Captains at this point, if not less. There was no reason to put my survival above anyone else, for I did not fulfil a higher purpose anymore.
And even though my mission had been a constant companion for years, I found myself shedding the mantle to fill the little shoes of Frances, girl of the 21st century lost in Kyōto, 19th century. Was I, at last, ready to serve another cause than mine?
It was terrifying; the very idea of tying myself to an organisation, of allowing someone else to rule my life, to surrender my sovereignty, my free will. Yet, it came naturally. I trusted these men. The charred remains of my honour suddenly rekindled, like a phoenix rising from the flames, when reality cleared and my mind found its resolve.
"I will remain here, and serve the Shinsengumi as you have supported me. Die, if need be, to protect your own. My life, is then, yours to command."
And I bowed, head touching my joined hands upon the tatami, as I lay my fate in their hands. Someone stormed in the room in this very moment. Even in my emotional state, I knew who it was; the Demon Commander mastered dramatic entrances like Master Shifu from Kung Fu Panda. I slowly straightened, finding the three men in silent communication. Hijikata shook his head, a silent 'no' to information I probably wasn't supposed to understand. Then, his piercing eyes pinned me into place.
"Are you sure you can obey our orders?" he rumbled.
Why did his gaze scramble my brain so much? For a moment, I doubted myself; could I even bring anything of value to the Shinsengumi, aside from rumours and ambushes? But I found resolve, deep in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't the Keeper of Time, but the elvish blade still responded to me; I was a warrior, a good fighter, and a skilled swordswoman and archer. I would help in any way I could.
My throat was too tight, so I nodded. Hijikata's features softened as he sat, and picked up a cup of warm tea for himself. The gesture was so familiar; finger closing upon the ceramic cup, warmth seeping through, the scent of sencha relieving every ache, every doubt. I could almost see myself. It was Kondō-san who broke the silence, and addressed me solemnly.
"Very well. From now on, you will be Harada's second in command for the tenth unit."
"And given his son was just born, he'll be glad that someone else will handle them for the next week," Sanan added with a smile.
What? I started disbelief flooding me. Masa had given birth to a son, and I didn't know about it? Life went on, and I had missed some of it in myself wallowing. This wouldn't do! I would handle Harada's patrols, and make him proud.
"Hai," was my only response.
Serving the Shinsengumi didn't bring much change to me, except for the patrols I had to handle on my own. No pressure, eh? Overall, despite my nerves, the men were used to me watching their backs, and we just covered the usual rounds. One of the guys guided me when I hesitated – none too often – on the directions to take. He and I struck a tentative friendship albeit I just couldn't remember his name. Shame on me…
If some of the soldiers were sour that a gaijin woman would lead them, none protested openly. Perhaps they respected me because they'd seen me fight in the past. Perhaps they just kept their grumbling away from my ears.
Harada had popped up the third day, circles under his eyes, to share a round of drinking with both I and Shinpachi. Once thoroughly wasted, he tugged at my sleeve so insistently that I relented, and followed him back to his house. Given the little amount of blood left in his alcohol, I was glad to be here to ensure his safe return.
His son was a chubby baby, looked after like boiling water by his beaming mother. I fled as soon as I could to avoid the nasty idea blooming in Masa's eyes; she wanted me to hold her bundle of joy. Wasn't I a woman, after all? A Kitsune that came to bless her child? In a fit of inspiration, I kissed the baby's forehead, and sung the only lullaby I knew.
Twinkle twinkle little star.
This seemed to satisfy the new mother. Good. I really didn't want to awaken the baby, and find myself with a screaming swaddle. My hands could sew, dance, release arrows with deadly precision or slice and dice with a sword, but they became clumsy whenever babies were involved. Not that I hated children, I just didn't know what to do with them. At all. But seeing the happy parents smile, the pride that beamed from them both put a little balm to my heart.
Life went on.
And I needed to move on from the loss.