Thank you all for you well wishes ! My son is well, and his little heart is now ready to take the next seventy years or so.
Silence filled the room once more, disrupted by the sloshing of the liquor that I poured into two ceramic recipients. I loved those cups; they looked so beautiful, with their dark interior and deep blue colours seeping on the outside. Shyly, I dragged myself just a tad closer to the commander, and I clinked my glass to his.
"Kanpai, Kitsu", he whispered.
"Kanpai, Toshi", I responded, diving my lips into the liquor to take a taste. It wasn't as strong as I feared, perhaps a little heady, but the acidity of Yuzu complimented the alcohol rather nicely. I owed my thanks to Chizuru for a good choice.
"So what if I asked questions about cosmology? Would you bounce up and down as you do when Sanan asks?"
His low voice was like a wave; it rumbled out of his chest, crossing the little distance between us, to caress my ears. I smiled, looking into my cup; did I really seem that excited whenever we talked science? Perhaps, yes.
"I'd tell you everything I know, just to see if your eyes sparkle when I talk of distant planets."
His dark eyes flickered in amusement as I went on.
"You are a poet, Toshi. Your mind can escape to greatness as much as ours, only you use words and us equations."
Despite the low lights, I couldn't miss the mightly flush that marred his cheeks.
Straight to the heart then.
And so, Hijikata lowered his head with a growl.
"Shut up and drink."
"Hai, Fukuchō", I retorted playfully.
Two glasses, and I was already giggling in the night. Hijikata's cheeks were red, but he remained silent to hide the fact that the was drunk. Fed up with the distance, I eventually reclined against his arm, relishing in the fragrance of his hakamashita. After yet another silence, I tugged upon his sleeve and set my glass upon the tray.
"Come on, loosen up, old man", I shook him. "You're cute when you're drunk."
Toshizō's strange expletive reminded me of Chizuru's squeaks, and my smile broadened at his puzzled expression. The men teased him for not holding his liquor; he was so cute !
"I know that men are supposed to drink and such, but I find adorable the fact that you don't hold your liquor."
Oops. Albeit my mind used that word often, I'd never said so to his face. His eyes softened when he looked down upon me, shifting slightly to take a look at my own blushed cheeks.
"Adorable, uh?"
"You're allowed to be. There's no one to order around tonight."
I half expected him to fight this statement; he could have argued that I was still a subordinate. Or that the Fukuchō could, at any moment, need to take a crucial decision. Instead, his hand grabbed a piece of my unbound hair, and smoothed it down gently. Soothed by his touch, I dared asking a question I'd been wondering for a while.
"What does my accent sound like?"
Hijikata's lips lifted, the shadows of the night revealing just the corner of his jaw, and the edge of his straight nose. His eyes, though, conveyed a thousand emotions.
"You sound like … a spirit of the forest."
This startled me; Tristan always called me his little fairy, a forest spirit. But Toshi wasn't done, and his smile grew.
"Except when you're drunk, then you sound like a…"
I suddenly pushed myself up, surprising him as I broke the respectable distance and grabbed his nape. "Don't finish that sentence", I whispered right before diving for his sweet flavoured lips. It was a short kiss, but one that effectively shut his teasing down. His arms captured me before I could pull away, strong fingers sliding up my spine until they found purchase at my nape. I was balanced precariously, but the feeling of his lips coated in Yuzu liquor held me prisoner.
Hijikata's overwhelming presence engulfed me whole, and I moaned against him as his hands smoothed my wavy strands. After a while, he released my lips and sighed. Raised upon my knees, I had a perfect view over his chiselled features. For once, his bangs fell away, revealing the pointed chin, the edge of that jaw that I yearned to kiss, and that smooth brow that sometimes sported the traditional hachigane – the protective headband.
"Your hair is undone", he murmured, the rumble of his words echoing in my own chest. He seemed … almost as enthralled by the sight of me as I was by his. Our closeness unsettled me and I tried to cover my flustering with sarcasm.
"Incredible observation skills, Fukuchō. You are ready to conquer the world."
The man lifted a sarcastic eyebrow.
"Sweets, booze, tea and silk trailing down your back to lure me in. What is it that you want from me, Kitsu?"
If I had been a spy, Fukuchō would be done for … but the question drew a blank in my mind, and my knees suddenly felt weak. I sat like a sack of potatoes.
"I am not so sure myself, to be honest", I told him, my eyes fixed upon the tea tray. "But nothing detrimental to you, this I can swear."
This time, Hijikata poured a cup of cold tea and handed it to me. I thanked him shyly, taking a sip in hopes of sobering. To my great surprise, he poured himself another cup and started talking.
"You might find it strange, but I had much trouble finding my place when we first came to Kyōto. Serizawa behaved like a spoiled brat, but he hoisted us to a status we wouldn't have reached without him."
And Toshizō proceeded to explain how he had been pushed, to the very limits of his principles, in hopes of becoming the Samurai he yearned to be. How Serizawa had scolded him for his hesitation to fight dirty. To act dirty. To do what it took to raise the Shinsengumi to notoriety.
I listened rapty, eyes feasting upon his shadowed silhouette, his doubts echoing to mine. It wasn't difficult to imagine the young man he'd been then, not hardened by ambushes, death and harsh decisions. A youth with dreams, and the will to go forward no matter what.
"Somehow, I don't think Serizawa and I would have gotten along well", I eventually murmured, shocked by the wickedness of the man who had allowed the Shinsengumi to rise.
Hijikata snorted. "He would have killed you." Then, as he spotted the dangerous gleam in my eyes, he emptied his cup of tea in one go and set it down. "Or the other way around". His trust caused my insides to churn; killing Serizawa had mobilised most of them captains. The way Toshizō described him summoned a beast in my mind, not a man; he'd left a furious impression on him.
"I became an Oni because of that man. But I never stooped so low as to attack the innocent."
Half drunk, I felt all my walls crumble. Was Hijikata Toshizō really offering his secrets without holding back? What an incredible show of trust … now that I had earned it, it felt like a treasure. More than the mighiest trophy, better than the most precious gem on earth…
How could I let him know that the heart that beat in his chest was still beautiful, despite the dirt shed upon his soul?
"You are inspiring, Toshizō. You remind me of those knights of legend."
He didn't remark on that first sentence, perhaps too shy to handle praise.
"Arthur's knights?"
"Naaa, there were a rowdy bunch, not too versed on honour. Honestly, I loved them like brothers but damn, they wouldn't hold a candle to you when it comes to respectability. People would follow you to the end because they admire you. I think you've found your own meaning of how to be a warrior."
His throat cleared, the sound echoing in the empty room. Unsure. I lifted my head to watch him, well aware that night had settled upon the coumpound a long time ago, and that we ought to drag our asses to bed at some point. The peace that surrounded us, though, was a present. If I read his relaxed features right, Toshizō was loathe to interrupt this moment as well.
I poured another cup of shōshi for him, and he took it absentmindedly.
"Chizuru is terrified of me", he eventually sighed.
"Ah, well. She's pretty impressionable, and you're not helping, Toshi."
I loved using that shortened name; it gave him the opportunity to be human.
"She'd an Edo woman, though, with a spine of steel that will show sooner or later. Okita will have his hands full. And the Kami forbid they have children, he'll be at her mercy entirely."
His assersion only confirmed my suspiscions about Okita and Chizuru. It also meant that Fukuchō knew everything that happened at headquarters. From the way I spend my money, to the barest of smiles and friendships. Did he know I'd sliced a piece of the roof open?
The idea of Okita trying to escape Chizuru's wrath with children in tow caused me to chuckle. I would pay to see that; if anyone could put that brat in the fold, it would be she. As amusing at the image was, I needed clarification on their classification.
"And Edo woman?"
Hijikata's words were slightly slurred now, and he waved his cup in the air.
"Yes, like Toku, stubborn and scary."
"You sister ? Did she raise you?"
The commander froze, his eyes squinting, two dark gems with impossible violet hues.
"How …?"
How did I know? Well, apart from Kondō's sublte hints that Toshi had lost his parents pretty young, there was a tone we reserved only for siblings who were making our lives hell.
"Your exasperated fondness", I smiled.
"You are more devious than we give you credit for. You could work with Yamazaki and Shimada."
The second name rang a bell. Shimada was the big teddy bear … how could he work in the watch his bulk alone stood like a beacon? Anyway. Me, a spy. I giggled, finding that alcohol was loosening my usual reserve.
"Ah no, I'm way too frank, and not inconspicuous enough."
"That is true", he whispered. "I doubt any man would forget seeing you."
"Plenty do", I retorted, puzzled. Was it a compliment, or an assessment altogether? Both, maybe, given our commander was not one for flattery. Still, I crossed path with plenty of people in the modern world that didn't quite remark I existed. I wasn't a model, neither a classic beauty. Hijikata shifted his crossed legs to kneel in seiza. It allowed him to push forward and invade my space. Suddenly, his shadow stretched in the room.
"Not in Japan. That hair colour, your features, your silhouette. Everything calls for attention."
"I get you're familiar with it… I hear Kyōto's women are crazy about you."
I could barely discern the blush upon his cheeks, but I knew it was there for he sported a sheepish expression. After all, his drawer was filled up with love letters – an information Okita enjoyed spreading around the compound. I didn't doubt it; Toshizō Hijikata was an unforgettable man.
If only they knew … how his arms felt when holding me close. The heaven of his lips when they danced with mine … the proximity of his skin, tantalising, when all I wanted was to explore below the dips of his hakamashita.
Suddenly I knew… I knew what I wanted, and I shifted forward slightly, my face but a few inches from his as I searched his eyes.
"Well, I'll bet you'll be the only one that knows what Kitsu looks like without her clothes."
His eyes darkened, need swirling in their endless depth.
"Ever since I saw you dance…", he whispered, hand lifting to land upon my collarbone.
This simple gesture caused me to shiver in anticipation. Could I, really, get a man like him to share my bed? I inched forward until our noses nearly touched.
"Makes you wonder what a body so flexible can do, right?", I taunted.
Hijikata blinked, then chuckled. He was so close that his breath fanned upon my face. "Damn, you sure can be blunt, Kitsu."
I shyly brushed hair out of his face, lingering upon the chiselled jaw I wanted to taste so badly.
"And you are blushing, Toshi. Adorable, again."
The man gave me a cheeky smile before he suddenly stood. I gasped, finding the emptiness so huge; as if walking the edge on a cliff. Wait … was he about to send me away? I wouldn't put it past the man to do such a thing… My breath hitched as my eyes followed his silhouette; he strode to the back of the room and extracted a futon roll faster that I could blink. The cover landed in my arms with more force than I expected and I toppled backwards.
Drunk and playful Toshi was certainly a change, but I wasn't going to complain. Given he was setting the bedding … perhaps I could stay a while longer? As he unrolled the heavy mattress, I stacked alcohol and tea beside his desk, mindful to keep it away from the paper work. When I turned around, I found Hijikata sitting sheepishly on the futon, weight balanced upon his hand.
"I'm wasted, Kitsu", he chuckled. "You got me good with that liquor."
The laughter in his voice warmed my heart, but I knew that, should any danger arise, he'd be more than operational. And I didn't care; for the moment, the sight of his relaxed shoulders, of the easy smile lifting the corner of his lips stirred something deep in my soul.
I'd scold mysef later for getting attached … again. For the moment, though, I made a beeline for the man, and bracketed his hips with both thighs. The surroundings faded as he pulled me against him, his arms circling me tight. I claimed his lips with eagerness; he welcomed me with just as much enthusiasm.
There was no greater miracle than a warrior welcoming another's presence, accepting to be vulnerable under another's touch. I sighed contentedly. Nothing else mattered than our bodies greeting each other, tongues dancing, hands exploring. Intoxicated, I strayed from his mouth to nibble the sinful line of his jaw, then descended to taste his pulse point.
Toshizō slightly tensed before he melted altogether, his upper body sagging under my ministrations. The damn cloth covered the rest of him, and I tugged impatiently on the cotton that prevented me from diving deeper under his collar. Even now, both his kimono and juban remained unshakable in their protection of his chest. I whined, lapping at the delicious flesh of his neck. A chuckle responded, the deep rumble echoing in my own chest as he shifted the fabric aside, tugging in the right place to unravel more of his skin.
A slight wiggle of my hips brough me closer still, so close that I couldn't ignore the effect my explorations had on his body. Toshizō groaned, his hand suddenly grabbing my nape to drag me into a searing kiss that left be breathless.
"Kitsuneko", he murmured against my lips, interrupting the fenzy. My heart was beating ten thousand miles a minute, and I gently laid my forehead against his. For a moment, we both breathed in unison, bodies firmly aware of each other, only separated by layers of unwelcome rough cloth. "Grab the cover", he huskily commanded.
I obeyed as he untied his many, many layers, revealing pale skin and sinewy muscles. I watched, mesmerised, barely coherent when he laid down in nothing but his fundoshi upon the futon. So beautiful… muscles coiled in anticipation, his skin was almost flawless. His eyes burnt like the seventh gate of hell, and I snapped out of my trance to drag the cover over him. Then, protected by the tent of stuffed cotton, I divested myself of both pants and t-shirt.
Clad in plain undergarments, I hoovered over him, aching to touch. Toshizō's warm hands travelled along my spine. I shivered; the caress remained light, yet so arousing. Blood pumping in my veins, fire replaced the chill as I combusted under his touch. His fingers eventually found my hips as he pulled me over his very strained undergarments. I gasped, closing my eyes for a moment.
This is real.
He is real.
No man should ever look this handsome.
As I pulled the sports bra over my head, flinging it aside, my mouth descended upon his chest. A moan escaped when I started feasting upon smooth skin. Scars rolled under my tongue – he shivered – and I explored every inch of his beautiful body. I marvelled that he allowed me to learn him; his surrender was a present, much more than a victory. There was no battle, no claim for either of us as we shared intimacy.
Sharp breaths and quiet moans died in his throat as I kissed his humming flesh, marvelling at the thrum of his heart. Slowly, sensually, he coiled his body around mine, hands exploring my back, my hips and my legs without shame. Drunk on his taste, I returned to his lips and dove deep in the confines of his mouth. His fragrance was a drug, and I felt light headed with my need to swipe his tongue against mine.
Hard muscles coiled as Toshi suddenly moved. The warrior had had enough; at last, he took control and settled between my legs. His mouth descended along my collarbone and travelled south. I grabbed his hairtie and released it while he he took his revenge, tasting my body as I had tasted his. And even though my panties puzzled him for a moment, the intent in his beautiful eyes burnt me alive. His mouth was hot, trailing upon my skin, his touch that of a warrior.
The panties were discarded. His fundoshi followed in a flash. Burning with need, I whined and bucked against him. One slight hesitation was all it took for me to catch his feverish gaze.
"You must stop me, Kitsu", he breathed.
I blinked, enthralled, mind unable to function. But the warrior did not budge when I entwined my fingers at his nape and tugged. Toshizō growled, pulling me out of my daze, challenging me. Only then did my mind understand what he meant, and I smiled gently.
"Not a chance. You're not the first. And I want YOU."
Several emotions played over his face, had he forgotten I'd been married? Relief was the most obvious one. Deflowering a virgin was most suited to a husband than a casual lover. Another one, more fleeting, caused me to wonder if he'd be the last.
I reached out to kiss him anew, dispelling the moment of awkwardness. Our embrace became more heated, less controlled as our bodies spoke to each other. His warmth seeped into my bones and I sighed in contentment. Eventually, though, he buried himself inside of me, and my whole body arched to meet him with a gasp. Then, I surrounded him, daring him to escape.
He didn't even try.
I wasn't one to play kiss and tell, but damn, I would never forget this moment. How could I, when the vision of Hijikata undone was carved in my mind.
Long, raven hair flew about, tracing dancing shadows across his pale skin. I couldn't help but stare, mesmerised by the vision offered to my very eyes. Stare until his passion overwhelmed my senses. He covered my mouth with his, trying to stifle the moans that escaped me as my body writhed underneath his, around him down to the last muscle. I tried, so hard, to keep quiet when my hands grabbed his shoulders, his forearms, desperately looking for an anchor.
I bit my lip hard, allowing myself to lose control; unravelled by his ministrations. We both twisted in bliss, just a man and a woman, sharing an intimate moment until we fell over. Spent, and panting. As we lay, tangled upon the cotton mattress, Fukuchō and the Keeper of time awaited outside the room. Our respective mantles meant nothing as I buried myself in his arms, basking in the afterglow.
"You are beauty incarnated", I whispered.
Silence. Stunned, surprised, or shy? I bit my lip, again, finding a tiny cut from my attempt at keeping quiet earlier on.
"I know you guys don't voice feelings much…", I murmured. His quiet hum echoed in my chest, and I tightened the grip upon his arm as I went on. "I was raised in a family where this isn't common occurrence either."
A wet sensation met my neck, and I titled my head aside to allow him more access. After a while, I felt his hot breath caressing my cheek.
"So what happened ?", he asked.
I turned around in his arms, searching for the gems of his eyes in the darkness.
"People died before I could tell them."
Hijikata's eyes flickered with curiosity; half lidded in the night.
"Boromir ?"
"Aye. We fought a lot. He was one stubborn son of a …". I stopped, nibbling on my lower lip. "And then he just fell… Now I'd better live with remorse rather than regrets. So I'm telling you, I've rarely seen anything more beautiful that you unleashed."
He straightened into a sitting position, reaching for the lamp to blow the flame. Suddenly, his room became too dark to distinguish anything else than the mop of dark hair upon his head. For a moment, I wondered if he was about to kick me out… then he settled again, pulled the covers, and gathered me in his arms.
"Hai, you really unleashed the demon, Kitsu", his voice rumbled in his chest, causing mine to hum in sync. "And you are, also, beautiful. Might write a poem out of it … someday."
There was no mistaking the exhaustion in his voice; this was the moment where I fled, or…
"Can I stay?", I timidly asked.
I didn't want to intrude, but the tightening of his arms around me was answer enough. Was there any place, in 1867, more peaceful, more sheltering that his body around mine? For the very first time since I landed here, nearly a year ago, I felt completely safe.
"I won't allow you to leave", he whispered in my hear.
I'd die for that voice, damn. So I relaxed, my head cushioned over his chest.
"Night night, Toshi."
"Oyasumi, Kitsu."
Should I say, at last ? Those two have certainy danced around each other for a little eternity.