guilt beats hate
Mabel walks off the bus with her face bunched in a scowl. The object of her dissatisfaction is right behind her, nose and lips curling in an aristocratic sneer.
"Are you still mad?" Pacifica says in a tone of bourgeois boredom.
Mabel says nothing until the bus is on its way with a deep grumble. Behind her, Dipper is keeping his distance; he doesn't know what this is about.
"Yes!" Mabel exclaims.
The incident in question had occurred at lunch. Pacifica had been seated next to Mabel while Dipper was absent, temporarily called over to the card collector's table to give his long-winded opinion on one dorky thing or the other. Tabitha was proudly displaying a new outfit in a very loud combination of neon orange and red: She has a lot of enthusiasm for fashion and little sense of restraint. Mabel's never thought much of it, being in something close to the same boat and loving it. Her other friends had given compliments marred by slightly incredulous smiles and sideways glances.
"I thought I'd just try to be bright, you know? Something cheerful for summer!" Tabby said.
"Yeah, I really see what you were trying to do there," Pacifica drawled.
Her tone hadn't even been biting; more dismissive than anything. The underhand slight had not gone unnoticed. Tabitha only smiled awkwardly and seemed to brush it off, but Mabel knew she was hurt. The mood at the table had been quietly strained for a time. At least Dipper had returned and held Pacifica's attention for the rest of the break. The last thing Mabel wanted was more subtle sniping from the blonde girl.
Now, as the bus disappears around the corner, Pacifica still hasn't apologized. "That outfit was hideous, and you know it," she says, hands at her hips.
"It doesn't matter!" Mabel retorts. "You can't just say stuff like that!"
Pacifica flinches slightly, as if Mabel's admonishment is a physical thing brushing past her. "Like what? Truthful?" she says, jaw set aggressively. "I thought I wasn't supposed to lie?"
Mabel doesn't buy that for a second. "You know saying sucky things is wrong!"
Pacifica is finally beginning to turn red, her marble front cracking. "Yeah, thanks, Mabel. I'm so glad you're here to tell me how to act," she scoffs.
"I shouldn't have to," Mabel says. She spins on her heel, intent on finding Waddles to calm herself down.
"Whoa, okay, what is this about?" Dipper cautiously intercedes.
"None of your business, Pines!" Pacifica snaps at him.
Dipper stammers something that may or may not be a coherent reply. Mabel stamps across the grass to the backyard and the comfort of her favorite pig.
Sometime later she's squinting up into a clear blue sky while Waddles naps against her side. With her righteous anger dimming, it's time for her to reflect. And it's a beautiful day for it, so that's a plus. A single puffy white cloud hovers near the edge of her vision, sliding slowly past her periphery. She closes her eyes.
She finds herself thinking of her own reaction as much as Pacifica's words. With the gift of hindsight, she figures she wouldn't have been so mad if it wasn't for a second emotion furthering her negativity: disappointment. Once, Pacifica's glib putdown would have been expected. Now it strikes Mabel as an unwelcome remnant of the past. She's come to expect better of her friend.
But she also must acknowledge that she expects better because Pacifica has done so well, all things considered. Are the twins pushing her too hard? Or has she been thrown so far off balance by the changes in her life that she's still lashing out? It's true that she's been uncharacteristically withdrawn at school, even after a week to settle in. Mabel assumed she was just preoccupied with Dipper as much as her new environment, but maybe Pacifica is still far from her comfort zone.
How can Mabel be happy if her friend isn't happy? It's throwing off her happiness chart all over again!
Maybe this, maybe that, maybe whatever. Mabel sighs loudly and spreads her arms out. Who is she now, Sigmund Fraud? Trying to analyze her friend or something. She doesn't know why Pacifica decided to be mean. She should probably just ask instead of trying to run around inside her own head. This is what Dipper does all the time, and Mabel's seen how that usually works out. Butts to that. She's tired of thinking about it already.
And you know what? Pacifica probably hadn't even meant to say it. It probably just came out, she didn't mean it, and she would come around and apologize given a little time. Yep, that's it. Mabel just overreacted. Problem solved!
It's easier for Mabel to believe in the best than the opposite.
She hops to her feet and goes back into the house, ready to settle the minor spat and get back to the business of being friends. But once inside, she finds Pacifica's doors are shut. There's no sound coming from within. Is she taking a nap or something? Dipper can't be in there, because then the doors would have to be open. Mabel raises a hand to knock, hesitates, and decides to let it be for a while longer. Waking Pacifica up is a good way to make her even crankier.
Mabel settles onto the couch and whiles away a solid hour flipping back and forth between cartoons and sitcoms, all of which are aimed at kids younger than herself but some of which are funny anyway. She finds herself missing Duck-tective and all the other no-budget shows on Gravity Falls Public Access. Even when they were terrible, they were terrible in an entertaining way. She has to get back to the Falls in time for the Duck-tective season premier. The writers must be going somewhere good with the whole evil twin plot. Which reminds her—she needs to send Soos another email with some more ideas for their collaborative Duck-tective fanfiction!
It's about forty-five minutes or so before Dad usually starts dinner when Dipper comes down the stairs with a determined gait. His jaw is set; he has the look of a boy with something to say. Mabel watches him over the rim of one of the throw pillows she's piled onto herself. She doesn't know exactly what's going on, but she can guess. Looks like Dipper has finally decided that even though Pacifica is his girlfriend, he can still confront her like he used to.
He disappears around the corner, but Mabel knows she'll be able to hear everything. She would feel sort of bad about eavesdropping, but, hey, she was here first. It's not her fault the couch is right against the wall to Pacifica's room.
Dipper knocks on the door. "Pacifica?"
"Go away!" Pacifica says, voice muffled behind her closed doors.
"Look, I don't know what's going on, but it's gone on long enough. I want you to talk to me," Dipper says, his voice not quite as firm as he probably wants it to be.
"There's nothing to talk about," Pacifica denies.
"Right, I forgot, you have a big fight with Mabel and then lock yourself in your room all the time," Dipper retorts. "Come on, Pacifica. You can't stay in there forever."
"That's what you think."
Unfortunately for Pacifica, the doors to her room are intended for a study and don't actually lock. With a clack, Dipper pushes them open.
"Hey!" Pacifica says, outraged.
"Pacifica, I'm not going away. Just tell me what's wrong."
"What's wrong is you barging in here, you wad!"
"Why are you so upset? I can't help if you won't tell me."
"Like you tell me anything," Pacifica huffs.
"What? I've told you things," Dipper says, baffled.
"What about that Corduroy girl?" Pacifica challenges.
Uh oh. Mabel sinks a little lower on the couch. Wendy has nothing to do with Mabel and Pacifica's current argument, but it looks like Dipper has stumbled his way into an entirely different confrontation.
"Wendy?" Dipper says with confusion. "You know her."
"Not as well as you do, apparently," Pacifica says stiffly.
Dipper makes a frustrated sound. "Don't try to change the subject. Come on, tell me what happened."
"You first! What am I, just your rebound?"
"Wh— that's not— that's not even remotely…" Dipper stammers.
He's caught off guard, ambushed. Mabel would intercede on her brother's behalf if she didn't know that making an appearance right now will only worsen things.
Dipper is stubborn. He shuts his mouth just long enough to recover and forges on. "You can't distract me. I was right there when you were arguing with Mabel, I know something's up."
Pacifica is equally stubborn. "Oh, and nothing was ever up with you and Wendy?"
"There wasn't any me and Wendy!" Dipper exclaims (and even though the moment isn't exactly ideal, Mabel can't help but be glad he can admit that).
"That's not what I heard," Pacifica says, and even though she's hitting the same notes of scorn, so familiar from the first half of the past summer, her tone lacks its old distance.
"Then you heard wrong. She…" Dipper halts momentarily, voice heavy with frustration. Mabel can visualize him clearly; she knows this mode of his and the mannerisms that go with it. "I had this stupid, unworkable, totally hopeless crush on her, and when I finally came clean she turned me down, okay? It wasn't a thing, it was nothing, it was never going anywhere and I just didn't want to see it. I was so, so dumb about it and then, all of a sudden, there you were holding my hand and,I don't know, flirting with me, I guess, and I know I was kind of dumb about that, too, but I was just afraid that… that it was just me again. And now you're all ticked off and you won't even tell me why, and is that because of me? Am I… not, did I not say something or do something, or…"
"No!" Pacifica says, and she sounds aghast as Dipper's mini meltdown pierces her defenses. "It's not that! It's me."
"It's… Are you breaking up with me?" Dipper squeaks pathetically.
"What? You dweeb, what are you even talking about?!" Pacifica lambasts him. "This isn't about us, I had a fight with Mabel because I said something I shouldn't have and I'm sorry, okay?"
That's all Mabel needs to hear. Too bad Pacifica isn't talking to her.
"Okay, that's— good, yeah, I don't want to, either," Dipper babbles, tripping over his words in relief. "Wait. We're talking about this thing with Mabel again? Not Wendy?"
"Oh my goooooosh," Pacifica groans through what sounds like clenched teeth. "You call me out for changing the subject, and then when I change it back you don't even notice!"
"You threw me off with the whole Wendy thing! Which I guess is what you were going for, so… well played?"
"Obviously," Pacifica huffs.
"What did you say to Mabel?"
"I didn't say it to her. I said something that maybe she thoughtwas—" Pacifica begins. Mabel's heart starts to sink with disappointment, but Pacifica stops in the middle of her sentence. "…I said something mean to one of her friends. It just came out, I wasn't trying to… Whatever. She hates me again anyway, so whatever."
That sounds like Mabel's cue. She pushes out of the pillows and hurries around the corner to Pacifica's door.
"Mabel doesn't hate you, there's no way," Dipper is saying. "You already said you were sorry to me, so just tell her—"
He's cut off when Mabel skids into the room and halts her momentum by catching his shoulder, nearly bringing them both crashing down as her socks slide along the hardwood floor. "Pacifica-I-was-just-disappointed-and-I-forgive-you-and-let's-be-best-friends-FOREVER!" she says in one breath.
Pacifica looks away, picking at her sheets with her nails. "I thought you were still mad."
"Disappointed," Mabel immediately corrects. "I mean, everybody says dumb stuff. Dipper told Soos that he just messes everything up one time!"
"Really, Mabel?" Dipper mutters, tossing his hands up. "Don't drag me into this…"
Real talk. "I know you're trying, Pacifica. I shouldn't have got all frowny just because you messed up once. But you really hurt Tabby's feelings. You know that, right?"
Pacifica seems to wrestle with herself for a moment. "I don't know why I said it, alright?" she bursts out. "I'm… sorry."
"Do you think you could apologize to her?" Mabel suggests.
Pacifica stiffens.
"Uh, one step at a time," Dipper quickly intercedes. "Maybe you could work your way up to that."
Pacifica nods with obvious reluctance. Mabel hopes for more, eventually, but she'll accept that for now. Pacifica is still trying, after all. What more can Mabel ask for?