Chapter 21

A wedding of Noldor and Silvan

As before our betrothal our lives continued that next year. There were no large or important events that I had seen or read about before my return here to happen in a long time. Tauriel still had many hours of tutoring to get on with and my tasks were mostly related to aiding Nana and Ada. But also to deal with my new knowledge of who I am and of what time I came from.

Galadriel was very eager to talk to me after she learned the truth and so we had spent many moments with her showing herself to me from where ever she was and had taken on herself to teach me skills I knew not I could do. With Tauriel out the door first thing in the morning and Estelwen doing her chores, I was for a moment left alone in our room and then it was I felt her yet again.

"My lady Galadriel," I said before I turned and saw her there.

"My dear granddaughter. How many times do we have to go over this?" She said with a smile and I went over and hugged her hard.

"Grandmother," I said and smiled as she did not let me go.

"How goes the training I asked you to perform with your mind?" she was clearly curious about it.

"It goes well, oswane is hard, but I can do it with Ada. Tauriel it is harder but we are getting there."

"It might be hard for her as she is a Silvan elf, but with training, she should be able to." She responded "Now how do your skills with nature come along?" she asked enthusiastically.

"Well, I would say. I can feel the world on another level than before. Chants are easier. But still, not something I can do on a whim. But I am trying hard" I said as I had looked down talking and back up when I finished.

"It will take you time. But do not rush to the finish."

"Yes grandmother," I said a little disappointed and she took up on it.

"None of our kin can do all in such a short time, be patient, even if I know you are not. But we can train more when we arrive. Grandfather and I are a day out from Imladris." She said out of nowhere and my smile returned.

"You are coming for my wedding too?" I could not hide my excitement.

"We are, how could we miss it?" she asked and held me kissed my forehead and then she was gone yet again.

Glorfindel on the other hand had acted differently to me. I now knew why he acted put off with me at times, yet he was always friendly and shared his knowledge. But clearly, he had remembered me even if he didn't say so. My memories from that time were in most ways blurry still and I didn't want to force myself to remember them. But I knew I had to talk to him about it and I had set out looking for him. I had to talk to him and clear the air before my wedding.

As with most times when it came to Glorfindel he was either in the training yards. The house or at the pavilions looking out over the valley during the day or stars at night. Like he was remembering a past long gone as well while looking at them.

"Glorfindel?" I asked him as I slowly walked up the long stair and he took a deep breath before turning.

"Elwen… My friend" he added and looked at me with sad eyes.

"May I ask what I have done to you, my lord? For you have seemed more distant with me than normal" I asked calmly the moment I was at the top of the stairs standing on the flat ground.

He looked at me and took a deep breath.

"You have done nothing Elwen and please do not feel as if you have to call me so…" he stopped himself and thought before speaking again. "I knew, in some ways who you were the first time I saw you. You have your mother's eyes, hair, and skin. You are tall like she and fierce and determined. My heart was glad the moment I saw you here, for I had not seen you since the fall of Gondolin and there I could not get to you. The enemy had cut you off from us and I had to make a choice… lead those I could save away from death and slavery. Or try to get to you and risk it all…" he said and took another break.

I then took the word and moved closer to him.

"Why did you not tell me? Why did you hide from me who I am?" I asked carefully.

His eyes were now clearly sad, yet his voice was still proud.

"I was ashamed. When your Ada told me of what had happened to you in that world and all the hurts you had seen I felt sick… I should have protected you… I should have fought for you." He said as a desperate man failing his task. "I failed to protect your mother and you, how can I not feel ashamed in some way your lack of memory of what had happened made me feel at ease. It does not excuse my behavior, but please do not think less of me than I am sure you already do" and this time his head fell more than I had ever seen before.

I don't know why I did so, but my hand came up under his chin and lifted his golden head up.

"I cannot think better of you than I do. Lord of the house of the golden flower. Lord of Gondolin, Balrog slayer, protector of our people. Ney I cannot see you in any better light even if I tried. You are my tutor, my helper…. My friend" At the last word his eyes locked on me and a little smile came on his face.

"If anything Glorfindel… you made the right choice and left me in Gondolin. You saved many of our kin from the slaughter of that city and I am here now. How I know not, but I am. Please do not let this weigh on you any longer, nor the death of my birth Nana. The past cannot be changed no matter how much we may want to." He then smiled and grabbed my hands.

"You are wise, lady of Gondolin, of Imladris. You know not how much your words comfort me and I can only ask for your forgiveness in how I have treated you after my suspicions got confirmed. You are here and alive. A warrior, a leader, a scholar, a caregiver." We both smiled as he spoke and hugged. It had weighed on his shoulders as Ada had told him what he had seen even if no other elf in Imladris was told. But Glorfindel had been there and it felt only right to inform him.

We then continued our talk about the hidden city and how my life had been there, but only the good things. I had lost much and I did not want to remember that. Even with my birth Nana I did not truly remember her other than her beauty, her height, her smile, and her soft hands. Ney Celebrian was my Nana and that was clear to me, even if I should meet Aredhel one day in the blessed realm or the halls of Mandos I knew not how I would react. To that only time would tell.

The valley was in full decoration speed today as It had been all week. Midsummer was tomorrow and we had sworn to each other to get married that day and none had forgotten it. Tauriel was so excited yet nervous and had not asked to slow down on her tutoring classes as she wanted to learn all that she could of the Noldor and customs as well as her new role. In fact, I had barely seen her, and I did miss her. Badly.

Nana on the other hand was so ready now that the year had gone. She was handling it all from flowers. Food. Guests and clothes. She lived for such big events and I was very happy to have her help us.

"Elwen, Elwen" she cried as Glorfindel and I came walking down the path.

"Yes, Nana?" I said as soon as I heard here.

"Where have you been? And where is Tauriel? We need to get the dresses looked over and find jewelry for you both to wear. Let me think, food is done, drink is done, guests are arriving… The rings? You have yours and she has had her made?" Nana gasped like we had not thought of it.

"We have them, Nana, it is all well. Tauriel is with Erestor picking up on her lessons even today. She is so worried she will say the wrong line or if the wrong blessing is recited. She also worries as she has no family to bless by her and you know Tauriel Nana. She thinks all too much" I said with a worried look.

Nana looked at me for a moment and gave it a thought, but was unsure what to do. We both were. Then Estelwen came up to us and mentioned a delegation from the woodland realm had arrived and with it the royal household. As we walked down to the bridge and gatehouse we saw the elven king, his queen, and his son on horses as well as guards and other staff.

"Welcome, King Thranduil, Queen Lauriel, and Price Legolas," Nana said first and I repeated it. Glorfindel had gone off to aid with the preparations and Ada.

"We thank you, lady Celebrian, lady Elwen for the invite." The king and Queen said. Legolas smiled and bowed his head as he came over too.

"Yes thank you, fair lady of the Noldor," He said with a grin. "Where is my friend? I am sure she is eager for her marriage" he added

"Says the great prince of Los Galen" I responded "She is, she is so eager she is still with her tutor reciting blessings and the ceremony," I said and shook my head with a smile.

"Indeed?" The Elven king responded to it. "I see her training still keeps her to perfection, that does bring me joy," he said with a cheeky smile only Thranduil could pull off without seeming coy. I thought was somewhat worried as she was so sad about not having any own family there to bless our union.

"Why so grim lady Elwen?" The elven queen then asked and looked at me as she dismounted her horse and came over to me. "This is to be a day of joy and happiness. Not despair and worry!" She said forcefully as she held me.

"I only worry for my love Queen Lauriel" I said and bowed my head.

"How so? Is she not as eager as you to be wed?" she responded and tried to smile.

"Ney it is not that. She is sad she has none to bless our marriage or stand for her. Her loss of family is heavy on her heart" I said looking at them all.

"That is not well. Husband?" The queen said and looked at Thranduil.

He nodded and got off his horse too as did the prince who looked at his Nana and at me with a worried look.

"Where is Tauriel, my lady?" he said firmly. As if he was worried for his friend.

"I can show you Prince Legolas" I spoke and Nana looked at me.

"Ney, we will get Estelwen to show the Prince. I need you with me for the preparations for tomorrow" Nana made clear to me as if she did not want me to be gone too long.

"May I help?" Queen Lauriel asked and seemed so interested and Nana smiled and accepted gratefully as she asked for Estelwen to show the prince the way and we set off.

Meanwhile in the office of Erestor.

"Until the end of all things…" Tauriel finished one of many lines she would recite during the ceremony.

"You remember them well, my lady. I see no reason for us to go over it anymore" Erestor said and put the book down and reached for some water.

"But what if I forget it? Say the wrong lines or verse?" The redhead Silvan elf scolded herself and her worriedness was very apparent.

"You are to be married, my lady. Do not fight a battle of odds uncounted against your own. Now take a breath and rest. You have pushed yourself hard the last few weeks and if it was up to me we would not do any more tutoring before the wedding." He said firmly and looked at her and someone knocked at the door.

"Enter," Erestor said before Tauriel could respond.

"My lord. The king and prince of the woodland realm." Estelwen said before she moved aside and let them in. Tauriel could not believe her own eyes as she saw them and got up and bowed to them as they walked in.

"Ohh do not be so formal Tauriel." The king said and walked in. "No lady Tauriel I hear it is now. Well done!"

Legolas followed him and walked over and hugged her.

"Did I not say you should follow your heart? Are you not happy I said so now?" His smile could not wither at all.

"My King, My prince. What a surprise!" she said out loud.

"Not very" The kind responded. "The lady Elwen of Imladris is getting married! Haven't you heard? It would be a catastrophe if we did not show up at her wedding!" The king said.

Tauriel grinned and bowed her head, just as she had while in service to him.

"I think we even know the lady's mate?" Legolas said and let her shoulders go.

"Ahh yes, a silvan lady of Los Galen" His Ada responded and turned towards Tauriel and handed her a box.

She was unsure to take it at first, but the king insisted and she did slowly opening the box. Inside it were gems of pure starlight, reserved for the royal family alone or those whom it was gifted. Normally a lord or lady of the realm with a connection to the royal household.

"This… I cannot accept!" Tauriel said shocked by the gift.

"You can and you should. The scribes in my halls have already put it into our records." The king responded and the prince added.

"You deserve it Tauriel. A good friend you have been to me and my family and a devoted protector. Please accept this and for us to step in for your family during your wedding" the prince asked for permission from her.

"I…I…I…. know not what to say…" The king then walked over to her and lifted the gems out of the box and tried them on her. The starlight in them and her red hair enhanced each other and she looked like a lady of the woodland realm more so than he had thought and knew his choice was right.

"Legolas will you help me?" He asked his son.

"Yes Ada" the prince responded and lifted her hair as the king fastened the gems around her neck.

"There, they look marvelous on you Tauriel, of Imladris and Las Galen" the king added with a cheeky smile.

She was speechless, the honor she had been bestowed was far beyond any she could ever dream of. She tried to thank them, but they would have none of it. It was clear they had taken her under their wing after her family died in war and sorrow, but could not dream of this. They even informed her they had taken a dress from the woodland realm if she did not insist on wearing any that she had made already.

As the evening fell over Imladris we had decided not to see each other before we were led forth into the main hall. Our guest list was shorter now than before due to the fact no mortal was allowed to see our wedding customs or know of our blessings. In more than one way I was happy it was just elves to be with us for this amazing time in our lives. I was nervous and worried, but so excited I could not hold it back and this was the last night I would have as an unmarried elleth.

The next morning, I woke when the sun rose up and slowly crept up on my face. The bed felt empty without Tauriel and I honestly knew not how much I would miss her even if she was not there for just one night. But I knew that would not happen again after tonight or only very rarely. I then saw my handmaiden standing by the dresser and arranging my washed clothes and a tray of food on the little table by the window.

"Good morning Estelwen," I said and smiled at her. She had been a rock to me and I was so happy Nana would let me have her as my servant.

"Good morning, my lady" She responded with a smile and came over to me and held up a robe for me to wear as I ate my breakfast alone.

"Are you excited my lady?" she said with a smile on her face.

"I am so very much. To wake up alone was not the best start of the day though" I responded a little dismayed.

"I know the feeling my lady, my husband and I did also sleep apart our last night before we got wed. Even if it is hard now it will feel better tonight or tomorrow…. Or when it happens" she said with a cheeky smirk on her timeless face.

"When it happens?" I asked. "It will happen today? The ceremony at least" I added.

"If my lady asks? Do you not plan to marry her after?" she asked me somewhat concerned.

"Yes, I do… I just…" I cut myself off. So long had I wanted her, but I knew not what I was doing or what I should do. Never had I truly learned what it would be like and it seems Estelwen saw on my face what I was thinking.

"When it is right you will know what to do my lady. Of that I am sure" she said smiling and sat by me as I took a bite of the bread and cheese.

"You think so?" I asked as I swallowed my first bite.

"I do, I was also nervous before, but my Nana came to talk to me and my husband's Ada talked to him…" That was the moment I saw she remembered Tauriel didn't really have any family, but us and or if she was comfortable talking about it with Ada.

Then we heard a knock on my door and Estelwen excused herself and hurried over and opened it to see Nana stand there and slip inside quickly.

"Estelwen, Elwen," she said with a large smile on her face. "Are you ready for today my sweet?" she asked and hurried over with a few books and a case of jewelry too from the looks of it.

"I am Nana, very much so. Yet I feel unprepared and worried Tauriel does too…" She then cut me off quickly and smiled at me.

"I know my sweet. Why I am here with these books? Ada and I found them written long ago and taken here by some in your same position who had to figure it all out for themselves. Now let us go through them so you are prepared to get married. Estelwen will you please get her dress ready and come join us after?" Nana said and she bowed her head in agreement.

In another room of the house

Tauriel was alone as she woke up. Never before had she felt so alone on her own, but to be left in her room on her wedding day… it really did hurt and a tear came down her cheek for she could not hide how much she missed her Nana and Ada today. Even if they might not accept her love for Elwen she would wish them here anyway.

The sun was rising as she got out of bed and looked over the valley. Her home now. She saw elves rush about to prepare for the wedding and she could do little but smile. It made her happy to see them all care for her or at least her wife-to-be and work so hard to get ready for today. Then a knock on the door and she did not expect anyone truly, maybe some help to get into the dress, but it was all too early for that and as I opened the door I saw Ionien and Lanneth standing here with food.

"Good morning my lady." They both said and smiled.

"We assume Estelwen is busy with lady Elwen so we decided to help you out today. We hope you won't mind it." Ionien said and Lanneth stood there so proud with a big bag of supplies too.

"Ohh no please enter. I did not expect this at all." I said shocked as I was.

"We did ask the lady Celebrian if we could and she had ordered other servants to aid you, but we wanted to do it, my lady," Ionien said with a smile even though I was sure she had more than enough to do with the hall preparations.

"Ohh thank you, this means much to me, both of you." That was all I could say as I got a hug from them both before we sat down and ate together and Lanneth was so excited for the wedding as she could not even remember being to one. I am not sure who was most excited me or her in the end. But it was nice seeing her so excited even if her Nana tried to get her to calm down some.

They had come with newly baked bread. Honey, cheese, meat, berries, apples, all were there and I ate too much of it. More than I believed I ever would. It was nice eating with them. Not that I didn't enjoy Elwen or her family, but it reminded me of my life in the woodland realm. No need for formalities even though Ionien and Lanneth were firm in calling me lady every chance they got and someone else knocked on the door. Yet again I had no clue who it could be and as I started to get up to open it Lanneth said she would do it eager as she was.

Ionien and I just smiled and looked at her as she rushed to the door and opened it. Her sweet face and jaw dropped far.

"Hel… hell… Hello…" Lanneth then managed to say.

"Hello little elleth, is this the room of the lady Tauriel?" I knew that voice from anywhere and I rushed up and to the door.

"My Queen Lauriel" I hurried to say as she stood there with a few servants and several boxes.

"Tauriel. May we enter?" she asked so politely.

"Of course my Queen. Please excuse the mess…" I rushed to say and she walked in as Lanneth rushed to her Nana and both bowed their heads.

"Queen Lauriel," Both said quickly and respectfully.

At this, she smiled and came to me embracing me in a hug before she let go.

"Ney today I am only Lauriel. For the friend of my son is getting married and she needs a family to bless her union and that she will have." She spoke strongly as several servants came in with boxes and they pulled out a few dresses.

"I had these made before we came, I do not know if you have a wedding dress or not. But I want you to have the option of picking what you would like. I hope you have not changed sizes after serving in our guard." She said and looked me over. "and it seems you have not. You look so well Tauriel compared to when you left us. It gives me joy ohh so much joy."

And that was the start of a long day of trails of dresses and necklaces, going through the wedding night as she had gotten copies of books Lady Celebrian had found for Elwen and more. Never had I believed that would be a part of my big day.

Hours later….

Time moved quickly after Nana and Estelwen came to see me. I did miss Ada though, but he was clearly busy with preparations and the king and prince. I could not ask for a more loving Nana or Ada. Of that There was no doubt in my heart.

As the evening started to fall over Imladris I saw more and more elves move to the main hall from my window and Nana came up to me all dressed up as well.

"Are you ready my daughter?" she said with a smile and put her hand on my back.

I took a deep breath and looked at her.

"I am Nana. So ready and I can't believe when we return to this room it is to wed" I said with a smile.

"Nor can I. Much has changed since you came here, but also little for I see you still as my baby elleth even if you were not that young either back then. Ohh I am rambling. I just want you to be happy and I know your Ada does too" she said and kissed my forehead.

I blushed hard and looked at her as she spoke and felt her loving kiss on my forehead.

"I know so Nana. I am just nervous… wedding her is my dream, but also… I hope she will enjoy it" Nana just pulled me close.

"She will Elwen, just take your time, it is no rush. As we spoke of get comfortable with each step and when she is ready and you are it will be good." She said smiling. "Come, they are waiting for us" and she grabbed my hand and I came with her.

Yet again out of my room, down the stairs, and towards the hall. Then it dawned on me how much of a valley event it was. Everyone from the Lords and ladies was there. Some of the high-end staff and further back even more common elves. I loved them all and was happy they were there, but at the same time shocked they even wanted to be here. Then I saw Ada sit in the Lord's seat, Thranduil, and Legolas stood by the main table and we walked to them, but hadn't sat down yet. Ada and Nana sat at each other's side with me with Nana and then I noticed that the Queen was not there and Nana and Ada would not say where she was. Then I saw the grandmother and grandfather. They had made it and it made my heart full of joy.

Erestor and his wife had come. Lindir sat not far from us with his wife and Gildor had made it back from Mithlond as well. The effort all had made to be here for us was truly heartwarming. Elladan and Elrohir sat further down with little Arwen with them. I was not sure how much she understood or followed, but she was here and that was all that mattered.

Then I saw her walking down the middle of the hall held by the queen of the woodland realm. Tauriel. My love. Her hair was done, her eyes sparkling, a jewel I know Nana had years ago around her neck, and gems of starlight around her neck. Her dress was not something Geleth had made, but still, it was so beautiful of green and brown mixed with all the colors of the forest and it also sparkled like little stars hidden in the fabric.

Never had I seen her like this. I felt my jaw drop and Nana told me to close it as they walked past us and I tried my best to tell her in oswane. "You look beautiful" and she smiled so I am sure she heard it.

My former queen led me down towards the hall and we did not rush it. The stars were coming forth and some had never been so bright as this night. Many stood and looked at us so we did not speak much. But the queen, Ionien, and Lanneth had made the day better than I could ever imagine. The doors opened for us and the hall was full. Never had I seen my wedding to be such an event with all the members of lords and ladies here. Guards from our company stood around and Idril was clearly proud of her new rank as our captain. And bowed as we passed her.

But the moment I saw Elwen I could see no other. She saw by her Nana in a grey-blue dress with green mixed in it even though a downplayed green. She also had asked for some brown to represent both our past and combine it to a future. Around her neck, she had jewels and her black hair was full of small gems making it look as stunning as the star-filled sky outside. At that moment seeing her I was happy we had decided to not show it to each other before. She was and is the most stunning elleth I had ever seen and then I heard it as we walked passed her.

"You are so beautiful" and I tried to respond, but I had not yet mastered oswane as she had. We then sat down and the hall fell silent.

"Welcome friends from far and near. Welcome to this happy evening where our first child is to start her journey in life with her one mate. As you all know Tauriel of the woodland realm has lived with us for over two years now and they have been courting ever since. Love, there was between them and now they take the step from being betrothed into a union that will last until the ending of the world as we know it. Please be merry, drink, dance, and have a joyous evening all. Thank you.

Elwen's thoughts.

Ada said and sat down again beside Nana and we started to eat and drink. Every course was better than the first. Every taste bud was spoiled by what the chefs had made. If nothing else, it calmed me some for what was to happen later on, and every time I could I looked at Tauriel who I think was as worried as me.

Tauriel's thoughts.

Lord Elrond knows how to make a short and sweet speech at the same time. I cannot yet believe a year has passed since we got betrothed, nor that the king and queen places me in such regard… I am a lucky elleth even for my loss and Legolas has always supported me from going into the Rangers and was the push I needed to be here. Oh my, the food is ever so good. How can I top this with my love later? At least she looks as worried as I am if nothing else and she is so beautiful… how can such an elleth be mine?

As everyone had eaten and stories been shared of both Noldor, Sindar, and Silvan elves present more and more elves looked at me and Tauriel. It seemed we were taking a long time and I did not know if she was waiting on me to make the first move or if I was on her. But then I saw my brothers hint at me and look at Tauriel. Like they said, "Come on sister, what are you waiting for?" and then I rose up and pushed my chair away and walked over to her, my stunning elleth and I took her hand. Before I said simply.

"I cannot wait any longer, my love… it is time," I said and she smiled at me as I smiled at her and got up as we walked to the taller part of the room so all could see. To my surprise, Thranduil and Lauriel got up and stood in the spot where Tauriel's family would have stood. Not that it mattered other than I being so happy she had some to speak blessings for her and us as well.

Then Ada started to speak the blessings and Nana, Thranduil, and Lauriel followed. I did try to follow what they said, how could I? I had the most beautiful elleth in Imladris in front of me and I was lost in the gem my family had given her and her amazing eyes.

Then Ada gave me a push to say my own words to her and I felt nervous no more.

"Tauriel. Love of my life. A year ago we stood at this same spot and swore that in one year we would get married and here we are. Daughter of the forest. I am more sure than I was of my choice and to be your wife until the end of time and days. I love you. I have always loved you since we met all those years ago under the stars. You are my love, my mentor, my best friend, my other half that I was missing. For what we have done ever after you came back it has been us. Never me or you, but us. I see the world in a light of hope, joy, and happiness now. For I look forward to our future together and every moment you grace me with is a moment I will treasure with all that I am. In peace or war, in living or dying in Middle Earth, in the halls of Mandos, or in the ever-green land. I hope thee finds me still worthy of thee love of my life."

I could see the water in her eyes and I tried to dry them off, but her hands held mine firm.

"Elwen. Love of my life. A year ago we stood here in the same spot and swore that in one year we would get married and here we are. Star maiden. As you say of me I have loved you since we met that night under the stars. I am more sure than I was for my choice to marry thee than I was when I asked and every day that passes I get more and more sure of it. To me, you are my love, my mentor, my best friend, and the half I missed ever so terribly. You have made me into a lady a leader of a people a people I now see as my own. I am so happy and it is all thanks to thee star maiden. I look forward to whatever is to come and every moment I will cherish and treasure with thee. For your love is for a grace I could never believe I would have. And with all that I am in peace or war, in living or dying, in Middle Earth, in the halls of Mandos, or in the ever-green land I hope thee also finds me still worthy of thee the love of my life"

As Tauriel said her promises and the blessings of those who stood for our family were said slowly I reached for her and kissed her so all could see, slow and loving they were and our bodies could not stand still as we out of nowhere started to dance and all those with mates of their own followed us into their own dance. No music was needed for it even if music was played. For a long time, we held each other tight and she gave me a look of lust I had never seen before.

"Tauriel?" I asked simply and she bit her lip.

"Let us go, please let us go my love" she whispered.

"Are you sure? Do you not want to…" As I spoke she cut me off.

"Ney Elwen I want to get married, I desire it so much I cannot stay here. Do you not want to as well?" she pleaded.

"I do my love, I do. I just do not want to rush thee" I said and she kissed me hard and loving at the same time.

"Let us go Elwen. Come" and for the first time she took charge and we snuck away so none could see as we believed… yet when we were by the doors of the house a cheer came from the hall and it could only be that our absence was noticed.

The house was empty and only a few lights were lit. We held each other and walked up the stairs to our room. Her hands were over me and mine over her. We could not stop as we danced our way along. So eager for what was to come and what we were to do. But then we were there. Outside the door. So long had we both dreamed of this moment and now it was here. She looked at me and I at her as we looked at the door and back at each other.

"Ready my love?" I said and I gasped for air after our kisses down the hall. My hands were not able to stop feeling her body as hers did on me.

"Ready," she said ever as confident, but with more lust in her voice than I had ever heard before.