A/N: Be sure to check out the video that goes along with this chapter! It is titled "Best Chunky Boy! Dodogama Lore" by my brother, Sai Blade! Check out the video and subscribe to his channel.
Also, thanks to Sai for sending me the script after he wrote it so I wouldn't have to! As well as to qazse for reaction ideas as always.
The Remnant crew woke up in the morning and went through the normal routine, quickly getting ready and assembling in the viewing area. "So, what will we be watching first today?" Weiss asked.
"Oh, boy! You guys are in luck! My brother just did a video on one of the greatest monsters of all time!" Katana said excitedly.
"Easily in all three of our top five." Razara said.
"It's so freaking awesome!" Tekko cheered.
"Oh, now I can't wait!" Ruby said eagerly.
"To get even our hosts this excited... This creature must truly be like nothing else." Ozpin stated.
"But, is that good or bad? Considering the nature of Katana and her daughters, it could easily go one way or the other." Ironwood said.
"Hey, besides kidnapping us, Katana's never given us a reason not to trust her." Qrow reminded them.
"I think it's gonna be cool." Jaune said.
"I can't wait anymore! Come on, start it!" Nora cried out.
"She could have worded it better, but I think we all agree." Neo stated.
"Alright, then. Get ready to be amazed." Katana told them as she started the video.
Sai stood in front of the screen, looking surprisingly serious. "A crime has been committed amongst the Hunter community. No one has given the proper respect to one of the greatest monsters known to the Guild... A mighty beast that eats rock and volcanic ore and spits out giant boulders of condensed lava... The greatest of all Fanged Wyverns. The Ultimate monster... DODOGAMA!" He declared as he was seen approaching a very bulky blue and orange lizard-like monster that was apparently gorging itself on the rocks, crystals and ore of the Elder's Recess. It looked was shown with a massive bottom jaw with almost rock-like scales along its jaw and chin, which looked like it was made of incredibly loose skin.
"Hot DAMN, that's a thicc-ass lizard!" Yang cried out.
"It's so adorable!" Ruby, Penny, Velvet, Glynda and of course, Winter, all cried out, instantly in love with the creature, hearts in their eyes.
"I want to hug it!" Ruby cried out, wanting to wrap her arms and legs around the creature's head/neck area.
"How can you all like that creature!? Look at it! It's so scaly! And chunky! And its eyes are tiny and beady!" Weiss cried out, earning glares from the animal lovers that made her shrink down in her seat.
Nora, Neo, Emerald, Summer and Qrow all laughed. "Dang. And I thought Tai ate a lot. This guy puts him to shame." The former drunk stated, remembering Tai ate a lot when he was upset. Luckily his daughters quickly whipped him back into shape.
"He must eat more than Ruby eats my cookies." Summer said, getting a blush and glare from her daughter.
"It's so stubby!" Nora laughed.
"What kind of appetite must it have to get so... sizable?" Ozpin wondered.
"It's eating rocks and minerals. They must have a high amount of nutrients to them. Or this creature has an incredibly slow metabolism compared to how much it seems to eat." Ren pointed out.
Sai was then seen following peacefully alongside Dodogama as the creature went along his way. "The ultimate monster, the greatest chunky boy with a mighty chin to match, Dodogama is easily one of the greatest monsters humanity has had the privilege of discovering. Beloved by humans and monsters alike, it is rare that a Dodogama is ever killed in the wild, with one of the highest survival rates of any monster. It is not the fastest. It is not the strongest and it is not the most durable, yet the life of a Dodogama is almost never ended through acts of violence. Why? Because it has the support of the hunters! It is literally too cute to hunt!" He declared as he followed the beast doing its normal routine, before showing a mission board where he then looked a mission to hunt a Dodogama titled "Can't Bring Yourself To It". The message from the client of the quest read as follows...
[We're facing a rather unique issue at the moment. Research in the recess has come to a halt due to a rather rambunctious Dodogama. However, most of our hunters are refusing to hunt it because they think Dodogama are... 'cute'.]
"Thank goodness. I usually don't approve of disregarding orders, but in this case, it's stopping the creature from being hunter, so I approve." Goodwitch stated.
"Yeah. I don't want to see anyone hurt chunky chin. Look at it jiggle! I bet laying on him would feel like a waterbed!" Neo laughed.
"Even I don't think there's a price big enough to make me hunt that thing." Roman admitted.
"I'm glad to see you have limits to your depravity, friend Roman!" Penny said happily.
Sai continued to follow the Dodogama as it went about its day. "And hunters of the New World have even organized a special sub-category that dedicate ourselves to being secret service for Dodogama's and protect them from other monsters." Sai informed as he continued to watch Dodogama do its thing.
"Where do I sign to be a part of that group?" Ilia asked.
"Same! I get to follow the cute chunky monster around everywhere and get paid? Win!" Emerald said, high-fiving Ilia.
"I hope you take the matter seriously, Emerald." Cinder warned her teammate.
"Same with you, Ilia. If I find out a Dodogama was injured on your watch, you'll have some explaining to do." Adam added.
"Not that they really need much protecting, I mean- even other monsters think he's too adorable to attack. I mean come on, who would want to hurt this precious little- OH, GODS, NO!" He began, before a Deviljho suddenly stormed up to the to of them and grabbed Dodogama like a chew toy, smashing him into the ground and flailing him about as Sai panicked.
All the animal lovers were horrified at this. "NOOOO! Leave him alone you bully! There's plenty of other monster's for you to eat." Ruby cried out.
"Exactly! Go break off all your teeth biting an Uragaan!" Blake yelled.
"Hurry, Sai! Do something!" Velvet pleaded.
"Turn it into relish!" Pyrrha, surprisingly, ORDERED the hunter on screen, much to the shock of those around her. She realized she scared her fellow viewers and, smiling and waving nervously. "I'm sorry!" She said as she sat down.
"Um... We'll pick this up in a few minutes, I need to chop up a pickle!" He declared, raising his swords above his head and rushing to attack the Deviljho.
Most of the crowd cheered in approval for Sai's actions, a few even laughing. "Yeah! Turn him into the chew toy!" Jaune cheered.
"Ask him if I can use the Jho for clothes and handbags." Coco said to Katana.
"I'd beat that over-sized pickle worse than I did to Ozpin or Salem." Hazel growled.
Sai then stood next to a freshly killed Deviljho. "Let this be a lesson: to attack a Dodogama is to invite death upon yourself." He warned darkly.
"Absolutely! For if I ever find any and all monsters or Grimm that harm any Dodogama's, I will personally hunt them down, and kill them with extreme prejudice!" Winter declared.
"Now Winter, I understand you have a, fixation, with reptiles. But I believe your being a little-" Ironwood began. However, she turned and gave a death glare so intense, it even scared the general stiff. "T-then again, Dodogama doesn't appear all that aggressive. So it surly doesn't deserve such treatment." He quickly agreed with her.
"Smart move." Qrow whispered.
Once again, he was shown to be walking alongside Dodogama once again. "Alright, alright- In all seriousness, Dodogama is the weakest monster inhabiting the Elder's Recess, which it is perfectly fine with. It despises confrontation, it's simply not about that life and won't attack any other creature unless they themselves attack first. That's why he is best boy. He just wants to eat rocks and sleep buried beneath the ground." Sai explained as Dodogama was seen sleeping with most of its body buried in the ground with a bit of its head sticking out.
"Seems your assumption was correct, James. This wyvern isn't violent or territorial like the other monster's we've learned about." Ozpin said.
"Of course, that might be because it's not all that... self aware." Hazel pointed out.
The animal lovers gushed even more when they saw the creature sleeping under the ground. "Oh my word! Isn't just the most precious thing you've ever seen?" Velvet swooned over the sleeping creature.
"Oh, I just want to feed it rock candy and cuddle with it!" Summer squealed happily.
"Much like Uragaan, who it often shares its home with, it is specially adapted to feed on the many different types of volcanic rocks of the Recess, as well as the crystals of the upper areas, which are brimming with bio-energy, which does give the creature a surprising level of strength for its smaller size, making it one of the most powerful Fanged Wyverns in the New World, second only to Odogaron and, after the discovery of the Guiding Lands, Zinogre. Still, bronze metal is not bad at all. He's trying, bless him and you will respect him for it!" Sai declared as the creature continued to eat large amounts of rocks where it could.
"Darn right we will!" Ruby declared. "While I can't place him higher then my good boy here," She said as she pet Crimzon, "or my uncle's fanged wyvern, I think he's earned that bronze metal." She agreed with Sai's ranking of the creature.
"Not really. I mean, considering all they do is eat and sleep, I'd say Dodogama's don't put in the effort to do... anything else." Weiss stated.
"Also, isn't 3rd place technically last place?" Yang asked.
"Yang, why do you gotta stoop to Weiss and Rage's level and be a jerk? Especially to such a sweet little angel like Dodogama." Ruby asked sadly, giving Yang the puppy eyes to further guilt trip her sister.
"And for the record, Yang, you can do A LOT worse than bronze. Below that means you don't even get recognition." Blake informed her partner.
Sai was now in a rather chaotic spot, fighting an Uragaan while Dodogama occasionally attacked both him and the Brute Wyvern. "Of course, like all monsters, they are occasionally challenged, whether or not its an Uragaan and now Brachydios attempting to bully it out of its territory and eat its bounty of rocks, or creatures such as Rathalos or Deviljho seeking to make a meal of it, they are more than capable of fighting back... Well, not against Deviljho, he's a chew toy for Deviljho. However, you will be happy to know that, should the Dodogama win OR lose, any monster that is sighted attacking a Dodogama is swiftly assassinated by a hunter." He assured the audience.
Everyone was quite happy to learn anything that attacked Dodogama would be assassinated by the Hunters. "Good." Most of them said.
"If they attack Dodogama, they should pay with their lives." Adam agreed.
"Agreed. I know we don't have them yet, but I am already starting the official Dodogama Protection Force of Remnant!" Pyrrha declared.
"I am ready to offer my services, Miss Nikos!" Penny said with a salute.
"Do we get free T-shirts?" Jaune asked.
"At 65 feet long and with a body that is- well..." Sai began as he attempted to attack the Uragaan.
Suddenly, a strange black demon with a green and white face, long red beard and red flames for eyebrows was shown talking into a telephone. "Extra thicc!" The demon declared.
"Damn right he is." Neo and Emerald said together.
Neo gasped at this. "JINX! I've always wanted to say that to someone." She said triumphantly.
"Awesome, Neo! Check off the bucket list and you get to see a big bouncy boy like Dodo, double win!" Nora said, high-fiving the former mute.
"He has a lot of weight for his size and he is very good at throwing it around. In addition, as previously stated, the bio-energy crystals they often consume give them a boost to their own bio-energy and makes them decent in physical combat, which generally consists of rolling its sizable body into its enemies, charging with its mouth and jaw dragging along the ground to dig up rocks and minerals to both fill its belly and fuel itself, but also to slam its mouth, now filled with rough, jagged rocks and sharp crystals into its foe. And lastly it can deliver a nasty bite with a jaw that, I can't stress enough, crushes ROCK. You don't want that biting you." He explained as he attempted to dispatch the Uragaan while also avoiding the angered Dodogama.
"If it's lower jaw is capable of crushing diamonds, then it's bite won't just deplete your aura. It'll cleave you in half and crush the half in it's mouth into paste." Glynda said in concern.
"Okay, so! Stay away from the mouth... Got it." Roman said, chuckling nervously.
"But imagine what that could do to a Grimm? Even the armored varieties likely wouldn't stand a chance." Ironwood pointed out.
"We are NOT bringing Dodogama's into combat against the Grimm, James! They are to be protected! Not endangered!" Glynda snapped.
"James, I'd highly recommend thinking before you voice your ideas. Although I do believe yours would be effective, clearly this is not the right crowd to offer said idea to." Ozpin advised him.
Now that the Uragaan had upset it, the Dodogama was relentless in attacking Sai, so he was desperately trying to avoid its attacks. "But as I said, Dodogama is still far from the strongest monster to be found, especially in the Elder's Recess, where the most powerful monsters tend to dwell anyway. Fortunately, our big boy has an answer to this. His jaw is very stretchy, allowing him to hold enough rock in his mouth for said jaw to swell to nearly three times its original size, similar to a pelican." Sai explained, before a clip of a pelican was shown attempting to eat a pigeon, which was struggling wildly in its rubbery jaw.
"Yikes. Bad day to be a pigeon in a park." Coco said with a shudder.
"I'm kind of amazed it can't tear its way out. That skin looks real thin." Emerald stated.
"Don't be fooled, Miss Sustrai. A pelican's lower mandible is as tough as it is flexible." Winter told her.
"With its jaw now stocked up with rocks, its saliva acts uniquely with the minerals, causing them to superheat and melt together, forming into balls of lava, which are also explosive as another side effect of the saliva. So, not only can it shoot lava at you, but it it can shoot lava that will EXPLODE at you. In addition, during its jaw-to-the-ground charge, its mouth will be leaking saliva on occasion, leaving trails of burning hot rock in its wake which, guess what? Will also explode." Sai explained as the creature shot explosive rocks at him and charged, leaving a trail of superheated ground behind him just like the hunter said.
"We've seen Gravios swim in lava. But THIS monster can spit out EXPLODING lava!?" Ilia asked incredulously.
"HOW can it's insides even withstand the intense heat? I'm still questioning how Volvidon's doesn't boil alive when is rolls though magma. But Dodogama able to create lava in it's stomach, and not even be bothered by the heat? What is with these creatures defying the laws of biology and physics?" Cinder demanded, feeling like she was going insane with what she was hearing these creatures were capable of.
"I believe Penny already said it, but it might be best for us to let go of logic and reason, unless we'd rather go insane." Ren told them.
"However, this technique is a double-edged sword, as with its skin expanded to fit all the rocks its mouth, said skin is now weaker and far easier to damage with its protective plates more spaced out and the tender skin beneath revealed and vulnerable. Also, the rocks within its mouth are still in contact with its saliva and therefor, are now explosive and volatile, so too much damage all at once... Well, you're liable to recreate the ending of JAWS." Sai warned while continuing to avoid the angry beast.
Suddenly, the clip of a man in a precarious position with a rifle was shown, appearing to be desperate, as if he was on his last shot. "Smile, you son of a-!" He declared, firing the rifle one last time. It was then revealed he was aiming at a MASSIVE Great White Shark, which had an scuba tank in its mouth, which the man apparently shot, causing it to explode, killing the shark as well.
The teens, as well as Summer and Qrow, were left in shock and awe at that scene. "Whoa! That's one way to deal with your problems!" Qrow laughed.
"That was so cool! That shark was huge! But that tank obliterated it like nothing!" Summer said in amazement.
"As long as I don't get fish guts in my hair, I'd totally try that!" Yang said.
"That's a big shark. It would make a lot of sushi!" Blake said in a bit of a trance, liking her lips and starting to crawl forward before Emerald pulled her back and shook her gently to snap her back to reality.
"Yeah, don't- don't do that..." Sai advised.
"Never!" The animal lovers all cried out.
"Yeah, no thanks. I don't want blood and guts all over my clothes." Coco said, earning a glare from the animal lovers.
"I think that'd probably have nightmares forever if that happened in front of me." Ruby stated.
"I think we all would." Weiss agreed.
Sai now once again peacefully walked alongside another Dodogama. "Sadly, that is about all we know about this amazing creature. The Elder's Recess has only been discovered recently, a mere three years ago, hardly enough time to learn and study any creature, especially in such a hazardous environment. We haven't made too many discoveries about them beyond what I've previously explained. Not even a subspecies unfortunately. Still, they are a blessing upon this world and should be cared for as, much like the ore it eats, this creature is a true gem." He finished as Dodogama was shown looking over its shoulder one more time, the frame freezing as lovely music played.
"A very poetic note to end on." Blake said, nodding in approval.
"So, we can get multiple monsters, right? Because I REALLY want one of those!" Velvet said. Quickshot growled at this and turned away, but Velvet quickly hugged him. "Aww, you're great, too, Quickshot! But look at how cute Dodo is? Wouldn't you love to play with him?" She asked.
"I know I would. I would even simply enjoy watching his chin jiggle. It is quite humorous." Penny admitted.
"Yeah, it's one of my favorite parts, too!" Tekko agreed with a smile.
"So, thoughts?" Katana asked.
"SO CUTE!" Half the audience cried.
"SO CHUNKY!" The other half cried.
"MUST PROTECC!" They all yelled together.
"If we get Dodogama's in Remnant, I say we make it illegal to hunt them. And any who are caught doing so, are arrested and have their huntsmen and huntress license suspended." Ruby suggested.
"A little extreme miss Rose. But I do agree that we should make it forbidden to hunt such a passive creature." Ozpin agreed.
"Wait... They're capable of eating rocks and crystals with special energy properties... What would happen if they ate Dust?" Weiss wondered.
"That's actually an excellent question, dear sister." Winter said.
"Well, considering the rock turns to lava in their throat and stomachs, I can't imagine that they wouldn't be able to handle Dust at that point." Cinder stated.
"Oh, my gosh! Imagine if they burped after eating a Dust crystal and it was powered with the element of the crystal!" Ruby cried out.
"I am research ready!" Penny declared with a box full of Dust crystals.
"Perhaps we should hold off on that for now. What is the next monster we will see, Katana?" Glynda asked.
"Oh, right. Well, it's a good thing I showed you one of the sweetest monsters now, because next is one of the most brutal and cruel monsters you'll find out in the world. Get ready, because Seltas and his queen are a royal terror!" Katana declared, playing the next episode.