The alarm Steve had set for school rang. He never used to use an alarm. Besides the fact that he hadn't owned one, he'd never really needed one. Always up to make the kids their daily oatmeal, or awake in case Mrs. Schmidt would come yelling.
Even since Sam had taken over, he hadn't needed one. But increasingly, Steve finds himself sleeping like the dead and not rising until Sam comes to get him.
So he'd taken the phone Tony had given him years ago, and figured out how to set an alarm.
He blinks awake, and struggles to sit up. His joints ache, his stomach is forever on edge, and he blinks. And blinks again. It's with a dropping realization, as he places his glasses on his nose that his eyesight is definitely worsening. He tries not to sigh. He's noticed that Peter notices when he sighs and gets worried. So he just slowly breathes in and exhales quietly.
He gets up and goes to the bathroom. Mrs. Stark had been right, he barely registered the constant metallic taste in his mouth anymore. So he had to be vigilant and check for bleeding around his gums, which thankfully today there isn't any. He quickly rinses his face before heading down stairs.
He finds Sam in the kitchen, breakfast half made and the landline clutched in his hand. His shoulders are tense and he doesn't notice Steve's entrance.
"Sam?" Steve asks quietly, "You okay?"
Without looking up, Sam speaks in a tense voice, "you want the good news or the bad news?"
"Neither." Steve says without thinking. He can't take more bad news. But Sam's baleful eyes find his and he sighs. Crap. He has got to stop sighing. "Fine. Bad news first."
"You're going to have to get a new suit."
His eyebrows pucker in confusion. "Huh?"
"The good news is, they caught the brothers."
His heart skips a beat, throat constricting as the mental image of them carving into his bag threatens to overwhelm him. He hasn't had that nightmare in a while. But this brings it back to the front of his mind.
"You're lying."
"I'm not. That was the police. They caught them a few weeks ago down in Georgia. They've been extradited here. They're going to stand trial for their crimes."
"And…" He knows there's an 'and', because Sam wouldn't be looking at him like that if there wasn't something else.
"They want you on the witness stand."
"Why?" His voice is barely a whisper, and they both fall silent as the kids start to wake and move around the house.
"There was a lot of legal jargon being tossed my way, but… from what I could understand, they guy was hinting that the brothers lawyered up with some nasty prosecutor who tends to get guilty people off scott free. Your testimony would help seal their sentence."
"And if I don't want to?"
Surprise flickers over Sam's face. "That's your choice I suppose. But… It's not like you to want dangerous people out on the street where they could hurt someone else like they hurt you."
Dread fills his chest as he realizes that his own selfishness of not wanting to be on the stand has clouded the fact that it would put them back on the street. "Sorry." Steve says softly, "'course I'll do it."
Sam doesn't hesitate before hauling him into a hug. "Just one thing after another for you, isn't it, man?"
"Some guys get all the luck." Steve says with a weak laugh.
Sam stiffens, then pushes back out against Steve and holds him by the shoulders, "did you just make a joke? Oh—" he clasps a hand over his chest, "I— I haven't heard you joke in a month! You— You—" Sam seems speechless as a relieved smile crosses his face and guilt builds in Steve's stomach.
"Sorry." Steve grimaces, "guess I have been a bit down lately."
"A bit?" Sam asks in disbelief, then catches himself, "don't apologize." He says quickly taking a deep breath. "You have every right to feel as down as you do. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty for that feeling. It's just… It's good to hear you laugh again. Even under the circumstances."
"I'll try to cheer up."
"No." Sam says firmly. "That's not what I want. You have to feel how you feel and deal with that the way you can. But I'd love to help more if you'd let me." Steve swallows thickly and Sam graciously changes the subject, "I bet Howard will call any minute. He texted me this morning about the whole thing, but was in a meeting. You wanna talk to him?"
Steve shakes his head, "no, you can. Let me know what he says."
"I will. What are you going to do today while you're suspended?"
The way Sam asks the question makes Steve feel like he's on vacation instead of in trouble at school. "I dunno. What should I do? I don't even really have homework yet."
Sam nods, going back to whisking pancake batter. But before he can answer, Wanda walks in the kitchen and smiles at Steve. He smiles back and she looks surprised, "Steve, you're bleeding!"
Sam looks up and they make eye contact. Steve nods slowly, "yeah, bit my tongue, is it still bad?" He makes a show of grinning wildly, which makes Wanda laugh and wrinkle her nose.
"It's gruesome." She says with a laugh. Steve doesn't miss Sam's grimace at her words. "You better get to the shower before the hot water is gone!" Steve nods as she grabs her already prepped lunch and stuffs it into her backpack. She grabs Yelena's and is about to leave for school when Sam stops her,
"What about breakfast?"
Wanda gently puts the heel of her hand against her forehead, "I forgot to tell you! Yelena and I are meeting Becca at The Nook for breakfast. Is that okay?"
Sam eyes the clock, "will you be late to school?"
Wanda looks affronted, "I would never!"
He laughs, "okay, have fun, is Pietro going?"
"Nah, lazy bones wants to sleep in."
"Growing teenager."
"More like boring teenager!" Wanda says huffily, "see you guys after school!" She taps Steve's nose, a habit he's noticed she's picked up from Becca and Bucky and leaves in a whirl.
Before Steve can even think about how ironic his statement is, he finds himself whispering, "they grow up so fast."
A hand settles on his shoulder, "you sure do." He meets Sam's eyes and they grin softly at each other.
—
Bucky waits until morning, even though he can't sleep.
B: Do we tell Steve?
N: He already knows. Sam told him this morning before I left for school.
C: How'd he take it?
N: I wasn't in the room. Sam said he made a joke
C: HE JOKED?
B: ABOUT THE BROTHERS?
N: DOn't know. Wasn't there. But Steve seemed about the same before I left. Screw you guys for getting suspended.
B: Sorry…
C: You two can come over and climb today if you want
N: What! NO! You're suspended! You can't have fun without me!
C: Aww, poor goody little Natasha has to go to school
N: Barton I will cram that climbing rope so far up your nose
C: Try it.
B: GUYS
B: Stop. What are we gonna do about this?
T: Hold up, I'm just getting up for class. What the hell's going on now?
C: YOu get my messages?
T: No… Hold up. Yes. Hold on.
Bucky doesn't have to wait more than a second before Tony's blowing up his phone
T: WHAT
T: WHAT THE HELL
T: I JUST LEFT. I ca
T: I can't get home till October! My professors would kill me if I missed another class!
T: THis is Garbage. This is Bullshit.
T: I'll kill them. What are we going to do?
T: Wait, Steve JOKED? ABOUT WHAT? I haven't seen him smile since this summer!
T: GUYS ANSWER ME
C: We're trying, you're texting a mile a minute
T: I only have 15 minutes till my class, and I can't use my phone in it.
B: I'll see what I can find out today. I'll call Steve and see if he wants to come over. He hasn't hung out here in a while. My mom has the day off, she's always good with Steve too.
N: Text us EVERYTHING
B: Will do
—
Steve's phone buzzes and he looks at the text.
B: You wanna come over? Been awhile since you came over and we played SSB. My mom would love to have you.
Steve thinks a minute before responding,
S: You're not in trouble for being suspended?
B: I mean, my mom wasn't thrilled, but I told her what happened and she understood. You in trouble with Sam?
S: Nah… He's fine. Not like we've ever been suspended before. Don't think it will happen again.
B: …. Soooo You wanna come over?
S: Sure. Be there after breakfast
B: cool
—-
Peter bounds into the kitchen, shoes untied and backpack half open with the contents hanging out precariously. "Steve!"
"Hey, Pete. You ready for school?"
"Yeah! Today we're learning about microbiomes and the stuff that makes ecosystems work!"
Steve blinks. "Well, geez. I always forget what a smarty-pants you are. Learn something cool for me today, will you?"
Peter nods, his head bobbing wildly as he sits down at the table and begins to shovel pancakes into his mouth. More kids file in and Steve says good morning to all of them before taking the back set of stairs up to the second floor.
He makes his way to the bathroom, showers and gets dressed. Calming breaths are what he tries to focus on as his anxiety about being at Bucky's house raises. He and Bucky have basically been inseparable since the summer before Steve's freshman year. Steve's never had a friend as close (literally and figuratively) as Bucky. But… He sees the way Sam looks at him. The way Howard's eyes pinch everytime Steve's in his presence. He doesn't want Bucky looking at him like that. Or any of them. So he's kept it to himself. But Bucky's not an idiot. He's noticed and asked and it makes Steve's stomach roll. The last thing he wants to do is throw up at Bucky's so he focuses on staying calm.
He tries to eat something. Aftre the last kid has left for school, Sam hands him a plate with a piece of toast and a cut up apple.
He manages to eat the apple, and half the toast before he can't even stand to look at the food anymore.
"Sorry." He mumbles to Sam. "I'm going to Bucky's. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, Steve. Have fun."
Steve just nods absently as he walks towards the front door, sliding on his shoes and stepping out into the sun.
—
"Steve!" Bucky's mom shouts as she opens the door, her face a wide smile. Then Steve watches what always happens these days. The inspection. Her eyes rove his face and frame. "Steve, you're—" She catches herself, but the worry and concern are plainly etched across her features. He hasn't seen her in almost two weeks. He's shrunk considerably since then.
"Hello, Mrs. Barnes, nice to see you."
"Come in, come in!" She chirps jovially, "Bucky's on the couch." Steve slips off his shoes, leaving them at the front door and following her deeper into the townhouse.
She leads him to the family room and Bucky lounges there, in his pajama pants and hoodie. "Hey Steve." He says lightly.
"Hey Buck."
"Take a seat. You want something to eat?"
"Nah, had breakfast at home."
Bucky's lips purse just slightly before he nods, "okay. If you get hungry let me know. We got plenty of food."
—
And that's how the day goes.
Steve and Bucky play Super Smash and Cruisin' USA. And Mrs. Barnes appears randomly with food and snacks and drinks. Leaving them within arms reach of Steve.
Bucky constantly offers other food and Steve politely declines. He does manage to chew and swallow down a few pretzels to get Bucky to lighten up, which does help.
But they sit dry and like rocks in the pit of his stomach.
At lunch time, Bucky suggests they go to Milo's.
Steve wants to tell him the truth. That he's not hungry. But he knows the questions he'll get if he says that. So he nods, "okay."
After getting permission from his mom, and Sam for Steve, they walk in relative silence to the subway stop.
"You worried about missing school?" Bucky asks, eyeing the group of college kids walking their way.
"Nah. Not much to miss the first week of school."
"True."
"You excited for that art class?"
"Hmm?"
"The art class, the one you wanted to take from the local college?"
Steve's mouth parts in surprise and his eyes widen. He'd completely forgotten. He'd been talking about going to this class for the last two years. You had to be 18 to apply, but Howard had thought he could work something out with the professor. Except… He'd had the appointment… And everything else had gone out the window. The class had slipped his mind. He'd missed the deadline to apply. Hadn't submitted his application portfolio… He sighs. Stop sighing, he commands internally. Bucky's looking at him, confusion and concern at his lack of response.
"Oh. Uh— yeah." Steve finds himself lying. He winces. He hates that he's lying. But what's he going to say, that he just forgot? After talking specifically about this one class he's wanted to take for years? Not gonna fly. Bucky would know something was up. "Yeah, I'm excited."
"When does it start?"
Steve calculates in his mind. He remembers seeing it on the website. "I think September 30."
Bucky nods, still casting a curious glance at Steve. "Sucks you'll be busy those days."
Steve internally groans. The class was supposed to be from 5-7p.m. on Tuesday and Thursdays. "Yeah…" Steve says softly. He'll have to find somewhere to be… Natasha will know if he's at home. He grits his teeth as his web of lies grows.
"Can't believe you're a junior." Bukcy says with a smile.
"Says you big time senior." Steve says with a smile back. Bucky looks at him, and grins, "yeah, it's pretty cool."
"It will be weird to be all alone next year." He says, voicing a line of thought he'd had multiple times.
Bucky's eyes snap to his, "you won't be alone." He says sharply. "I'm not going far, and Clint's still around, and Natasha—-" he chuckles, "well, I don't know what Tasha is gunna do, but you won't be alone."
Steve nods mildly, "Yeah, yeah, I know. I just mean at school."
"If anyone looks at you funny you better tell us."
Steve rolls his eyes, "Buck, you're not my guard dog—" he sighs and corrects himself, "well you shouldn't be. I can handle myself one year, and I think everyone will be looking at me funny from now on, just for a different reason."
"You do have the flair for the dramatic."
Steve doesn't respond and he hears Bucky take a deep breath, "So…"
"So?"
"You heard…?"
Steve knows what he's talking about, "yep."
"And?"
"And what?"
That response is obviously not what Bucky was expecting because it halts him on the sidewalk. "What do you mean and what? Those guys are finally caught! Over two years later! Aren't you happy?"
Steve hasn't felt happy in a while, so it's hard to register that feeling, but he knows the answer expected of him. "Yeah." He says numbly.
"Steve."
"Bucky."
"What's going on, man? You're not yourself. Please, just tell us! Is it your heart? Something happened. We know it did, don't lie to us! Is it worse?"
And when Bucky presents such an easy way out, a believable half-truth that isn't technically a lie, Steve doesn't let the opportunity disappear. "Yeah Buck. It's worse."
"Shit!" Bucky curses, "don't worry, Howard's been working night and day to make sure he comes up with a solution."
"I'm not a broken toy that needs to be fixed." Steve snaps.
"Steve, you know that's not what I mean."
"Sure." Steve says bitterly.
"Steve-"
"Can we just not talk about this anymore? I'm tired of this being the only thing people talk about."
There's a stretch of silence as they walk side by side from the subway stop. He sees Bucky try to start a sentence multiple times before he hears a deep sigh and the quiet words, "okay, Steve."
Steve looks at him in surprise, and Bucky shoves his hands in his pockets, shoulders drooped. "I'll stop. I won't talk about it. I won't ask about it."
"You promise?"
"I promise. Can't speak for the others."
They walk quietly for a while and then Steve takes a deep breath, letting the sun warm his skin as he looks up between the tall buildings. "You excited to start applying for college?"
"Yeah," Bucky says with a chuckle, "my ma's losing her mind. I swear she's already cried twice at the thought of me being out of the house and I haven't even left yet!"
Steve smiles, but his heart pangs. He misses his mom so much. He hasn't had her for almost a decade. She'll never get to see him go to college, or graduate high school—- his mind goes flat. She wouldn't see much anyways. If she was alive he would have died before her... So maybe it is better that…. He swallows thickly. "She loves you, that's a good thing."
Bucky huffs, "yeah, I know. I'm not complaining. I'm excited."
They finally reach Milo's and the doorbell jingles as they enter.
"Hey Ricky." Bucky calls, getting the man's attention.
"Hey boys!" The man calls, glancing up at them, "I'll be with you in a minute!"
They sit at a booth and wait. Clint's uncle makes his way over soon after and his greeting dies in his lips as his eyes land on Steve.
Steve grimaces internally, waiting for the comment about his weight or the dark circles under his eyes, but he catches Bucky shaking his head "no" subtly and Ricky just blinks before looking down at the table, dropping off the cups of water. "Hey boys." He says tightly, "what can I get you?"
They place their orders and Ricky walks away. Steve glances at Bucky and looks down at his hands. "Thanks."
"For what?"
Steve looks up to see Bucky looking at him with a sheepish smile. "Just thanks."
Bucky leans back against the booth, "so, what does this art class teach you?"
Steve leans forward with excitement, and even though he won't be attending, he's studied this class enough to know what it's about. "Well, it's a study on human proportions…" he starts.
—-
He manages to eat almost half of his sandwich without feeling queasy. And Bucky doesn't seem to mention the leftovers. They pay and walk back home, talking about their classes and what to expect for the school year.
—-
B: okay. So it is his heart. It's worse
C: shit
N: so, what do we do?
B: nothing.
C: ….. huh?
N: ?
B: he's tired of it being the only thing anyone ever talks about with him. So we just need to stop making it the focus. I swear, I started talking to him about art and he lit up almost like normal.
Bucky doesn't get a response for a minute.
C: okay.
N: ok
T: I'll tell my dad to back off. Not to stop trying. But to stop being so overbearing about it.
B: okay. Thanks.
—
Steve hears his alarm go off and he groans. But he gets up and gets ready for school. It's his first day back from his suspension and he can't imagine the looks at the comments he's going to get behind his back. But he has to get it over with.
He grabs his lunch, waits for Natasha at the stairs, and they head off to meet up with Bucky.
—
Natasha notices the difference in Steve. He still looks like a walking skeleton, but he's in a more reasonable mood. She's even seen him smile, which after the last month has been a big improvement.
She catches Bucky's eye and they smile at each other.
Steve heads off to his home room and they head to theirs. But before they get to the door, Natasha pulls Bucky into an empty hallway and pulls his face down to hers by his backpack straps.
He smiles as she kisses him and she smiles back.
"Are we going to tell the others soon?" Bucky asks, tugging her out of the hallway and to their classroom.
"Maybe." She says mischievously, "I just don't want them all up in our business."
The bell rings and they enter their classroom.
—
"You're a badass you know."
Steve looks up from his textbook and sees Scott standing across the table from him.
"Excuse me?"
Scott slides into the seat directly across from Steve and smiles like a wildcat. "First with the gnarly scars and the soccer, then with the fighting and suspension. You're like a walking Outsider."
"You lost me."
The kid laughs and scratches at his nose. "Did ya hear I'm a junior now?"
Steve's head pops up, "you are?"
"Yep! Turns out the school I went to didn't send them to the right district. Starting Monday I'll be with you upperclassmen."
"That's cool. I'm glad you got it worked out. Is that why you're in this study hall right now?"
"Nah, I needed a thing printed from the comp lab here and saw you sitting here."
"Ah."
"So, what was your punishment for getting suspended."
Steve feels a grin cross his face, "I played video games and slept in."
Scott gapes at him, "what! That's no fair."
"You gotta meet my guardian, he's a cool dude. He'd like your sense of humor."
"You think so?"
"Yeah."
"Well, look forward to meeting him. You're friends with those seniors right?"
"Bucky and Nat? Yeah."
"How'd that happen?"
"Ouch."
"That's not what I meant-" Scott says quickly, "I just meant— I was just saying— No, I mean, all I meant was—"
"Scott."
"Yeah?" The kid says miserably.
"I was just messing with you."
"Oh…"
Steve finds himself smiling again and he taps his textbook with his pencil. "The summer before my freshman year? I took this cool summer program, and me and a few other kids were placed in a group, Bucky and Nat were two of them." Steve notices the calculating look on Scott's face. "What?"
"Nothing'"
"You're a terrible liar."
"Just…" The kid squints at Steve, "just wonderin'"
Steve rolls his eyes and he suddenly has a really good idea where this is headed, "wondering what, Scott?"
"Who else was in that group of yours."
Steve scoffs. "You watched the video."
"That was some grade F news reporting." The kid says with a chuckle.
"You're telling me. Ever been bombarded in your own hospital room?"
"Can't say that I have."
"It sucks. So does having your worst trauma shared for the world to see without your permission."
"Sorry."
"Not your fault."
"I heard that Tony Stark came to pick you up that day you got suspended."
"Yep."
"So he's not a vicious older half-brother?"
"No." Steve says softly, "he's actually pretty cool."
"You say that so nonchalantly as if you're not talking about one of the richest kids in the world."
"I didn't even know who he was when we met." Steve admits, "we all got along really well."
Scott nods and studies the wooden grain on the library table, "Any of it true?"
"You actually wanna know? Or are you just prying?"
Scott studies Steve, then glances around to make sure no one's paying attention. He pulls down his shirt collar and small circular burns show up along his collarbone. Then he turns his head towards the side and uses both hands to split his hair, where a looping scar runs up the back of his ear and disappears further into his hairline. "Like I said in the locker room, I know what it's like for people to make a big deal out of things forever. Never knowing the real story or just telling their own version of it. So, whenever you want, if ever you want, If you ever need someone to listen. I'm here."
Steve finds his fingers going to the large burn scar on his elbow. "You know, I'd be an open ear for you too if you wanted."
Scott nods. "Trauma buddies. I like it." Steve laughs at that and Scott lights up at the sound.
"What's going on?"
Steve and Scott look up to find Bukcy staring at them at the opposite end of the table. "Just bonding over shared trauma." Steve says lightly, "what's up? I thought you had that placement results review?"
"Finished early. Who's this?"
"This is Scott. Scott, this is Bucky."
"Nice to meet you!" Scott says eagerly, thrusting out his hand, "A friend of Steve's is a friend of mine."
Bucky's eyebrows pull down. "Okay…" he says slowly, shaking Scott's hand.
—-
Bucky walks into the library and sees Steve talking to a kid he doens't recognize. He's about to interrupt when the kid says something that makes Steve laugh out loud. Louder and lighter than Bucky has heard in over a month.
He tries to not let the feeling of annoyance that someone else was able to get Steve to laugh take over.
Steve introduces him to the new kid, Scott.
"Come one Steve, let's go home."
Steve nods and packs up his stuff. "See you in class." He says to the overeager kid.
"See ya Steve, nice meeting you Bucky!"
Bucky nods tightly and half jogs out of the room dragging Steve with him.
—
"Who's that?" Bucky asks the minute they're out of the building. They stop at the sidewalk, waiting for Natasha.
Steve looks at him confused, "I just introduced you, that's Scott."
"Yeah, but who is he? Like, he just appeared outta nowhere."
Steve rolls his eyes at him, "he approached me after the soccer field fiasco—"
"Oh, so he's morbidly curious." Bucky snaps.
Steve recoils, "huh?"
"He what? Wants the gory details of your scars? Access to the Starks? What?"
Steve's mouth parts in surprise and the Bucky watches as his features go dark, a frown and pulled down eyebrows adorn his face.
"Yep. I'm sure that's it. No other reason someone would want to be my friend."
Bucky curses himself for letting his mouth run before thinking, "Steve— I didn't— I shouldn't have said that."
"You know what, Bucky? I forgot I needed to talk to a teacher before I go home. I'll see you tomorrow."
Steve starts to walk away from him but Bucky grabs his arm, "no wait, don't—" He watches as Steve winces at the tug on his arm. Bucky let's go immediately, "what?"
Steve pulls his arm to his side. "What."
"You winced, did I hurt you?"
"No."
"Then why did you wince." Bucky snaps, jabbing a finger towards his arm.
Steve glares at him, "maybe I just don't like being yanked around!" He snaps back. "Go home. I'll see you later." And he takes off, leaving Bucky left standing at the bottom of the stone stairs eyes wide in shock.
—-
Natasha finds a brooding Bucky waiting for her at the entrance of the school.
"What happened?"
"Steve has a new friend." Bucky says grumpily, "and I…" he looks up at her and grimaces, "I reacted poorly."
"What?" Natasha asks, "why?"
"I saw the kid make Steve laugh and… I got annoyed."
"Bucky. You just told us how not talking about Steve's issues makes him happier. The kid probably just said something funny."
"I know." Bucky groans, knocking his knuckles against his forehead, "I just… I was so caught off guard! I was a real jerk."
"What did you do?"
"I said something stupid."
"Okaaaayy… but what exactly did you say."
Bucky squints a thousand yards away and then turns to her, looking guilty, "I may have insinuated that the kid was trying to be his friend because of the video thing."
Natasha feels her mouth gape open, "BUCKY! WHAT THE HELL!" She slaps his arm and he doesn't even protest. "Why would you ever say that!"
"I know, I know!" He groans, grabbing her backpack from her, "I was so… I was so—"
"Jealous." Natasha snaps, glaring at him. "You were jealous."
Bucky glares at her for a moment before deflating, "yeah… I think so."
"He laughed at some kid's joke, that doesn't mean Steve's trying to replace you."
"I know. I just haven't heard him laugh in so long that I got mad someone else could do it so easily."
"You know we're gunna be gone next year. Don't you want Steve to have friends when we've not here?"
"Yeah…"
"Okay. So put some effort into that. You won't be there to watch out for those jerks like from his freshman year. And.." she glances back up to the school building, "he's extra fragile right now, I swear I hear his joints creak when he moves, I don't want him going up against any bullies, especially not alone." Bucky nods. "So where is he?"
"He left after I said that."
"No surprises there."
"I'll go get him."
"No, let him be. Give him some space. Let's take him to Clint's work tonight, and see if we can get him to laugh so you can stop being a jealous old ninny."
Bucky rolls his eyes at her and she goes on her tiptoes to peck him on the lips.
—-