*A/N - I don't know how it's been SO long since I posted an update but here we finally are!
Also… This is the chapter (that's been a long time coming) where I warn you about the ending. TW for those who need it. if you'd like me to be more specific I can, just message me.
—
Steve takes out his hearing aid and looks up in surprise. He can see Peter talking to Daniel. He can see it. He was just hearing it.
But now he can't.
He snaps his fingers by his right ear and when he only barely registers a soft sound, more by the fact that his brain knows he's snapping more than actually hearing it. He lets out a deep sigh. He sits down on his bed and puts the hearing aid back in. Sound registers and annoyance rises up in his chest. His fingers clench on his pajama pants and he grinds his teeth. He hasn't even had a fever or an infection! Why is he losing his other ear's hearing?
He should tell Sam. But he lies back down on his bed, too exhausted to walk back down the stairs. He grabs his phone, sets the alarm to vibrate and puts it under his pillow.
He'll tell Sam later.
Maybe.
—-
Bucky looks over to see Steve dozing on the couch. He's wiped out after the extensive appointment with Erskine and Howard. Natasha's sitting on the floor beside Steve on her phone. Bucky can tell she's keeping an eye on Steve's breathing even as she pretends to just be relaxing.
Tony is still down there with Howard and Erskine and Dr. Banner. They'd done a thousand different tests and blood draws and poke tests or whatever the hell they were doing.
Steve had stayed relatively quiet the whole time. But as the hours had worn on, the circles under Steve's eyes had gotten darker, and his skin paler, and his mood had shifted to silent and withdrawn.
Bucky had been watching trepidatiously, unsure whether it was his place to butt in, but then he remembered Clint's story about Peggy and he'd stood up, "okay, I think Steve needs a break."
The older men had taken in Steve's appearance and nodded.
That was when Bucky and Clint had hauled Steve out of the lab and up to the couch where they made him drink an entire Gatorade bottle and eat a granola bar before they allowed him to lay down. Natasha had come over after he'd fallen asleep and she had been annoyed at how pale Steve had looked, but she relented when they told her how excited and hopeful the four men downstairs were.
Natasha looks up from her phone and she gets a wicked smile, "Pepper says the pajamas arrived."
—
Peter's giggling and laughing at something Pietro is doing as he keeps the younger kids occupied. Natasha laughs at his antics. The boy has never seemed to run out of energy.
Yelena, Rebecca, and Wanda are braiding each other's hair so they match for the photos. Steve is sitting on one of the stools, patiently waiting to be told what to do and Pepper and Peggy orchestrate each photo.
The big group photo is already taken. A large portrait that they know will be hung up immediately on the house's picture wall. Natasha and Yelena have taken a sibling photo, as have Bucky and Rebecca and Wanda and Pietro. Then Steve took a photo with Peter, Wanda, Pietro, and Daniel. The kids who were together for Peter's first year and have stayed since.
Then they laughed as they did couple's shoots. Steve smiles wryly as Peggy laughs. Tony and Pepper are arguing in their photo and it's somehow appropriate and adorable. Bucky and Natasha are back to back raising an eyebrow at one another, and Clint has Laura wrapped up in his arms with his head resting on her shoulder as she laughs.
Now it was time to do the five of them. Steve moves stiffly to stand and they all stand round him, Natasha and Tony on either side of him, with Clint and Bucky in the second row. They smile widely and the photographer coaches them through a few poses before nodding that they'd finished.
"Wait!" Laura says, "We should do a group photo with the couples, so then we can recreate it at every big event or wedding!"
The group goes silent, only the chattering of the house kids in the lobby making noise. Laura blinks in confusion at the silence, withdrawing into herself, "I mean, if you guys don't want to—"
"Sounds like a great idea." Natasha hears Steve say, his voice strained but a smile on his face, "that would be fun."
And so they do. Each couple groups together and Natasha smiles genuinely, praying deep in her chest that the 8 of them can take pictures together forever.
—-
They manage to sneak the kids in the house and get them changed before Sam can catch them in their matching pajamas.
"How was the mall?" Steve hears Sam call to him as he approaches the kitchen.
"It was fun." He sets his cane against the wall and settles onto a stool, "been a while since I've been, so that was good." He yawns involuntarily.
"Tired?"
"Mh-hmm."
"You should take a nap."
"I think I might," Steve admits, "been drained since Monday."
"You still haven't told me about that."
"It went fine. Tiring, but fine."
Sam just nods. Steve can tell he wants to ask more questions but he doesn't press. Steve is about to say something when some of the kids come in looking for a snack and Steve steps out of the kitchen up to his room.
—
Clint hasn't laughed this hard in a long time. Howard and Tony are currently arguing over the exact specifications on how the turkey should be sliced to ensure everyone gets a good piece and Mrs. Stark is simply shaking her head in disbelief, but with a smile on her face.
Clint was eventually able to bring home a non-crushed 100 Grand bar to her and she in turn shared a bit about her sister with him. He'd held it together while she'd told him the story, but he'd gone back to his room and cried. Somehow the grief that was still palpable in Mrs. Stark's voice, hitting him deeply with his own fears for Steve and the memories of his mom.
But thankfully today, he was able to put that to rest and just enjoy the company and enough food to feed a hundred.
The multiple kids tables are filled with chattering kids and the sounds of utensils clinking against plates. Laura is next to him. After her comment at the photo studio, she'd begged to understand why they'd reacted the way they did. And he'd broken down and told her almost everything.
She'd been horrified, but Clint had assured her everything was fine. It was good honestly to have someone be constantly positive about the future.
And with Peggy leaning over and constantly whispering things that made Steve either blush to high heavens or laugh out loud, he thinks that maybe the future isn't so bleak as his nightmares want him to think.
—-
Sleeping children are everywhere. Tony narrowly avoids stepping on a child's arm as he slinks through the living room trying to get a bottle of water. He laughs at the myriad of odd angles they've all fallen asleep at. Sam is on the couch, hand on his stomach and knocked out as well. His parents are in the kitchen, talking quietly, helping the staff with where everything should go.
Tony nods at them, grabs a few water bottles and heads back out to the group that is sitting in the pool area. It's blessedly hot in the glass enclosed space and everyone has their feet dipped in the pool.
He hands out the bottles to those who requested them and sits next to Pepper, who has her feet making lazy circles in the water. Her coppery red hair shines and he brushes his fingers through it, making her look at him and smile.
He loves that smile.
She's been a good source of calm and reason when he goes on his antics. Which is more often than he'd like to admit. But she's always there to tap him on the shoulder and reorganize his priorities. So he's thankful.
Suddenly a quiet voice pipes up, "crazy to think I smoked my last cigarette over four years ago, right here."
Tony's mind fills with the memory of a gasping Steve and the look on Clint's face.
"Was it really?" Bucky asks, not unkindly, "I never knew if you were able to stick to that decision for the first bit."
Tony watches as Clint's eyes trail to Steve who is very pointedly not joining this conversation. "Yeah." Clint responds softly, "I wanted to a few times. Really wanted to, but never did. Plus everything that happened right after that kind of helped distract me."
It's the first time anyone has ever mentioned the 'incident' in a whole group. More than just the 5 of them and Peggy.
Peggy, who looks up and tilts her head, "you smoked?"
"Yeah," Clint responds, Laura nodding along as if she already knew, which Tony assumes she does, "I did for a couple years. But then I smoked here and S—"
"Clint." Steve cuts in, sounding already tired, "can we not?"
"You know that's not why I brought it up. It was an important day for me."
Steve looks guilty, "Of course. Sorry."
And Tony now realizes how many important turning points happened in their lives by seeing Steve almost die.
Natasha left her abusive home when Steve was presumed dead. Clint quit smoking after causing Steve to almost suffocate. He and his dad had bonded and repaired their relationship through Steve's whole ordeal.
"Anyways," Clint continues, "Steve hadn't told us he was allergic to smoke and practically suffocated before we noticed." Steve glares at Clint who smiles slyly at him. "Oops. Just slipped out."
Peggy looks at Steve and sighs, "always the dramatics with you, huh?"
Steve sighs and lays back against the concrete, "I was a 14 year old kid in a home where no one older gave a shit about me, why would I tell anyone?"
Natasha looks at Steve with an annoyed expression, "we cared, you knew that!"
"I didn't know anything." Steve says a bit sharply, "I didn't know anything."
His eyes are closed when Tony looks at him, and the frailty of his stature makes Tony sick. "Well," he says quickly, needing to change the subject from Steve's unending ordeals, "what's our plan for tomorrow? Last weekday of break?"
Tony's eyes are drawn to Bucky who is looking at Steve unhappily. His last comment still hanging in the air.
"What if we just relaxed, hmm?" Peggy offers, her voice calm but her mouth set a bit tightly, "I'm tired after this whole week."
Steve sighs loudly, and lets out a self deprecating chuckle, "am I that easy to read?"
Peggy smirks at him, "maybe, or maybe it's the truth."
"You guys can do whatever." Steve insists, "if I can do it, great, if I can't, it's no big deal. I don't want you guys making decisions based off of my abilities. It's not fair to you guys and it's insulting to me. I promise my pride can take it. It's your break too and you should do what you want— ow!"
Steve glares at Natasha who is glaring back at him.
"Shut up, Steve." She hisses.
"What!" Steve scoffs, "it's true!"
"Why the hell would we pick something you can't do?" Bucky grinds out.
Steve rolls his eyes, "I don't know, maybe you want to climb to the top of the Empire State Building—"
"That has an elevator." Tony quips before he can stop himself.
Clint laughs and shakes his head, "guys. It's break. Why don't we sleep in, get a big breakfast, and then decide. Why stress with plans now?"
Pepper sighs, "why is everyone so against plans? It's nice to be organized!"
And that cuts the tension as the group bursts into laughter.
—-
"I'm up three pounds." Steve says softly to Sam as he scoops out a bowl of oatmeal.
Sam turns to him with wide eyes and a grin breaks out, "you are, for real?"
He nods, "yeah, those protein shakes are really helping, I think. I feel less tired too."
He's wrapped in a hug before he can process and he smiles, hugging Sam back.
"I'm proud of you, kid." Sam says, nudging his shoulders, "you're a trooper."
Steve huffs out a laugh.
—
Bucky looks up at his calendar and sighs. Only a week and a half until Christmas break. He likes college, way more than he ever thought he would, but he misses Natasha, and Steve… and even Clint. His finals are coming up, but he can't seem to focus on those just yet.
"You going home for Christmas?" He asks Monty, who enters the room, loaded down with textbooks.
"Can't." His roommate responds, "too expensive to fly home for only two weeks."
Bucky frowns, "That sucks, what are you going to do?"
"I'm not sure." Monty says with a yawn, "probably just stay around here."
A thought crosses Bucky's mind, "you know…" he thinks, it wouldn't be too bad to have Monty come. He's a good guy. "You're welcome to stay at my house. I know my mom would love to have you and feed you. Especially her cookies."
Monty looks at him in surprise, "really? You think so?"
He laughs, "yeah man. I know so."
"Well…" his roommate starts, an unsure smile on his face, "I'll think about it. Thanks."
Bucky shrugs, "no problem."
—
It's the last day before Christmas break. School let out at noon, but Steve is stuck doing a makeup test that he missed last week due to a bad fever. Students are talking and jabbering to the teacher as he tries to focus. So instead he just takes out his hearing aid and sets in on the desk.
Quiet envelopes him and he takes a deep breath. He really needs to do well on this test. He's missed too much school and if he doesn't do well, he'll end up with a 'C' and he can't stand the thought of that. It's not like he's Tony or Natasha when it comes to school. He's no genius, but he does like to get high grades and he knows he could be doing better if he wasn't absent all the time.
He's honestly just thankful she's letting him take it now, after school, on a day she could leave early.
He feels a tap on his shoulder. He looks up and his teacher is holding out a note.
I have to talk to a student's parents in the office. Will you be okay here while I'm gone?
He nods and she holds out her hand. He tilts his head in question.
Can't leave you with your phone during a test, she adds to the note.
Steve laughs, "oh." He digs it out of his pocket and gives it to her. She makes sure that he watches as she puts it in a drawer in her desk. Then she mouths, I'll be right back.
He nods and she's gone. Only a few students remain.
He's halfway through when the last student leaves. He works diligently, taking his time, grateful that she isn't there just staring him down, waiting for him to finish.
Steve leaves a few questions unanswered as he waits for her to return. He's unsure of a few things and he wants clarification.
He finishes and she's still not back.
He sits patiently for a while, knowing how talks with parents can go.
Then Steve tilts his head, it is kind of quiet.
His eyes catch on his hearing aid and he laughs. He puts it in and expects noise from the hallway to register.
But it's quiet.
He waits only a few more minutes before standing up and grabbing his test. Maybe he should find her in the office. He walks to the door and pulls it open. Surprised to find the hallway light is off.
He squints through his glasses in the dark and shuffles forward. His legs have been feeling a bit stronger so he'd been leaving the cane home more. He walks, turning down the next hallway, only to see that the lights are off there too.
The back of his neck prickles as he makes his way slowly towards the office.
A sharp sound registers in his hearing aid and he winces. He looks behind him but sees nothing. Fear and adrenaline start to spike.
And it sounds again.
And he knows that sound.
He turns, about ready to head back the way he came when he hears a distressed cry, in another hallway, followed by a voice, "—you think you can just walk away from how you treated me!"
"I'm sorry, please, just let me go, we can talk to the office, we can figure this out! Please—"
An angry shout and two more gunshots go off.
Steve takes a deep breath and turns back around.
—