Tony practically vibrates with fury and excitement as they show the video to Howard and they send it to Nelson and Murdock.
Howard's mood matches Tony and Clint's not sure he's ever been so terrified of the two. They look like men ready to set the city on fire.
But Clint's alright with that.
—-
Steve blinks his eyes lazily as the afternoon sun warms up the roof. They're finally all back from college, it's warm enough for him to be outside, and there's music playing from somewhere. So he's happy.
Peggy is pressed against his side, her hand tangled in his and every once and awhile her fingertips explore the skin on his arms. Tracing the scars and mapping them.
Tony is the only one not up there. He'd said he had some project he needed to finish but would try to catch up with them later.
Natasha is telling them about her semester and they are all listening intently.
"And so, I'm not sure exactly, but they said during our Junior years is when we really need to start considering our futures. I have to have applications filled out and videos of my dancing ready to send to any ballet company if I want a shot." Natasha wrinkles her nose, "I know it's over a year away but it already feels stressful."
Bucky is sprawled at her feet and his hand taps on her shoe, "you're going to do great, and your teacher was already giving you high praise right?"
Natasha nods, "yeah, but I don't want to rest in that. I need to make sure I really focus this year."
Steve laughs softly, "Nat, when are you ever not focused?"
She narrows her eyes at him and then joins in the laughter. "True."
"What about you, Carter?" Bucky asks, bumping his shoe against hers, "how'd your first year go?"
"Well." She says softly, "I love my major so far, one of my papers was submitted for publication in a journal, so I'm excited for that. And MIT? You and Anthony get along?"
Bucky laughs, "yeah we did. It's been crazy how fast that first year went."
"How's Monty?" Steve asks.
Bucky's eyes meet his and there's a brief moment where Bucky seems to be studying him. "He's good." He finally says, "great roommate to have. He said to tell you and Carter hello."
The nod and smile and the music plays on.
—
Tony and Howard stand there next to Matt as the police lock handcuffs around Rumlow's wrists.
"You won't be able to protect him forever." Rumlow snarls. "I'll get max a few years for this and then I'll be out—"
"Threatening someone while the police can hear." Matt says with a smirk, "very smart." Rumlow looks ready to speak but Matt waves his hand, "you have a permanent restraining order not only active for Steven Rogers but any resident of the house under the care of Sam Wilson, and the structure itself. Violation of this once you're released will result in immediate return to prison. Understood?" Rumlow just spits on the ground. Matt shrugs. "Sounds like he's got it." Then he turns to Howard, his hand resting on his walking stick, "I think we're set. I may contact you or Steve for questions but all the details were laid out in the last trial and now we have the connection to Rumlow. Tony has filled me in on the threats and instances from the actual summer program and Rumlow's interaction with Steve and Peter and with Clint. So while it will be possibly a bit of time to get the charges worked out, it should go smoothly now that his layer of protection has been removed. So just warn Steve that I may give him a call. Okay?"
"Will do." Howard says, shaking Matt's hand, "seriously, thank you. If you ever want a permanent place as my retainer I would hire you in an instant."
Matt laughs, his cheeks crinkling up, "I appreciate the offer, Mr. Stark, I'll keep it in mind. Have a good afternoon."
Once Rumlow is properly carted away by the authorities, Howard and Tony take a deep breath at the same time.
"Let's go tell Steve the good news."
Tony makes a laughing relieved sound and sucks in a deep breath of air before shouting at the sky, "Fuck you, Rumlow! We got your sorry ass!"
All Howard does is laugh and drag him towards the car.
—
Bucky hears a noise and turns towards the fire escape. Tony's head pops up and he jumps over the edge, "Hello, ruffians, miss me?"
The group says hello, but another head is popping over the edge. Howard gracefully steps over the edge and walks to join their little half circle facing the sunset.
They say their hellos and then Clint looks up at Tony, "is it done?"
Tony clas his hands, getting all their attention. "It is done."
"What's done?" Natasha asks, looking at them in confusion. Which is mirrored on Steve, Bucky, and Peggy's faces as well.
"Rumlow. As in Brock fucking Rumlow. Is now in police custody. Of which he will remain hopefully until hell freezes over."
"WHAT!" Bucky is shouting, and he looks to Steve whose eyes are wide, "He, what, wait huh?"
Tony sits on the rooftop and waves his hands, "that video your friend Angie took? I took it to the police and they were able to use that as confirmation that he was a part of the planning for your kidnapping. Matt says he may call with some questions, but he's reasonably sure Rumlow is going to be locked up for a few years and we now have a restraining order against him for you, and your whole house, including each individual resident and Sam."
Steve's mouth is hanging open, and his eyes are unfocused. Then he raises a bony arm and covers his eyes, "so you're saying they're safe?"
Howard's hand comes to rest on Steve's hair. "Yeah, kiddo. They're safe."
And Bucky watches as all the energy seems to exit Steve's body at once. He slumps forward, head in his hands and forehead against his knees. They all reach to steady him but then he's laughing, strangely relieved and echoey laughter that stretches from the rooftop.
Peggy is dragging him into her arms and they all gather close, wrapping arms around shoulders and huddling together as the ordeal that started all those years ago, finally comes to an end.
—-
Matt does call, and Steve does have to go over a few things or retell stories or recount details, but it all seems so minor that it doesn't bother him.
And suddenly… He's at peace.
There's nothing to worry about anymore. He's going to graduate in less than two weeks. The kids are safe in Sam's care. Rumlow and the brothers are locked up. Steve knows Howard will take care of Tony, Clint, Bucky and Natasha and any and everything that Sam can't with the house and kids. Which isn't much. But the never ending supply of money helps.
Steve could feel bad about that line of thought but he doesn't because Howard keeps saying it himself over and over.
And it's not a moment too soon.
Because Steve knows.
He's running out of time.
—
Clint submits his pay stub and walks to the office, "Hey Phil." He calls to his boss. The kind man looks up and smiles.
"Hey Barton, what can I help with?"
"Just wanted to remind you I'll be off this weekend, my friend's graduation."
"Right." Coulson says with a nod, "Steve." Then he looks at Clint seriously, "how is he doing? Haven't seen him in a while."
Clint's throat tightens but he clears it, "he's… hanging in there. He's a stubborn guy."
Phil nods as if he understands something that Clint isn't saying. "If you ever need time off. Just ask."
And Clint's voice is a little raspy when he says, "thanks."
—
Natasha and Bucky spend basically every waking moment together. And somehow it never gets old. She looks at him, growing taller each year, filling out. Even having to shave practically everyday. It just all seems so incredibly grown up. Sam had taken her to get her license even though she wasn't planning on buying a car.
Bucky was planning for internships and spending some time down in the lab with Tony and Howard learning the more intricate engineering.
Then Natasha's eyes would trail to Steve and it was like entering the Twilight Zone. The exact opposite of Bucky.
Somehow Steve seems shorter. He's so thin that his bones are more prominent than the yellowing of his skin, which is getting worse by the week.
The dark circles under his eyes never go away, and look darker than can be possible each night when the exhaustion overtakes him.
He's hobbles from place to place and Peter clings to him like a leech.
Wanda and Pietro trail him around the house like shadows.
And she notices that Daniel, Yelena, and the others have grown quiet and watchful.
And it's awful. They're all acting like Steve might shatter. And instead of being annoyed and stubborn like he used to, Steve just laughs softly and looks at them fondly.
He doesn't fight that Happy drives him to school, or that he's using the cane 100% of the time.
Sam had moved him to the downstairs guest room.
And she thought Steve would throw a fit about that.
Instead he'd seemed relieved.
Which made Natasha feel sick.
She wakes up often in the night and she can tell the kids in the room seem restless. Their dependency on Steve had been fading. Sam had really been doing an excellent job of helping them cope and learn skills for regaining their reliance on adults and not just on Steve.
But now with his fading health it's like they're reverting back rather harshly.
And there's nothing she can do.
And she hates it.
—
Steve finishes buttoning up the shirt. His aching joints protesting at the fine coordination it's needs. But he doesn't complain or call for help. It's his graduation day. He wants to do it.
He tucks the shirt in, secures his belt and straightens his tie.
Then he reaches into the little nightstand and he pulls out his Ma's old Bible. One of the only things of hers he has left. He flips to Romans 12 and gently removes the picture of her he has stashed there. It's an old photo, before he was born. She's sitting in front of some sign that looks like a national park and she's smiling. She looks so young and light and his chest aches at the way their hair color is the same.
His fingers ghost over her handwriting that was behind the photo and he feels his throat catch.
"I did it ma. I'm graduating." He wipes at his eyes and laughs weakly, "I can't decide if I wish you were here or glad you're not so you don't have to see me this way."
The thought rolls around that if she hadn't died he may not have gotten this sick or this injured. But it's a sort of dark line of thought so he pushes it away.
He gingerly puts the photo into his breast pocket. He wants her with him when he walks that stage.
The clock chimes and he knows he needs to hurry. So he grabs the silky graduation gown and he pulls it on. He zips it up and grabs his graduation cap.
Peggy had stolen it and decorated the top, and while she claimed she wasn't artistic at all, she had painstakingly recreated Van High's Starry Night with one difference. At the bottom we're two small figures. One in a tux and one in a read dress.
They were just impressions of figures but he knew they represented them on his prom night.
He'd kissed her hard after receiving that.
The clink of the cane is the only sound in the house. Sarah had taken all the kids way early to try to get them all seats in the overflow wings. Steve had been allotted 6 family tickets. When Sam, Bucky, Howard, Clint, Natasha, and Tony had all required to be in his section he'd felt hesitation at telling Peggy that.
But rather than fight him she'd kissed him and said, "they've known you longer, it's only fair. But don't think I won't be cheering like a bloody banshee from wherever I'm seated."
He'd grinned and she'd kissed him again.
It had worked out well.
"You ready?"
Steve looks up to see Sam looking at him with a smile, all dressed in a nice suit.
"Yeah." Steve answers, "I'm ready."
—-
"Steven Grant Rogers!"
He slowly and painfully walks up the ramp. The stairs were shorter but he didn't think he could manage that right now.
Thankfully no one rushes him, and as he crosses the stage, shouts and cheers and air horns blow, making him smile and his cheeks redden.
He accepts the diploma, smiles for the picture, ducks his head for the tassel turn, and then walks back off the stage.
He's done. He graduated. Relief and exhaustion course through him as he finds his seat again.
—
Tony cheers and hollers for Steve as the kid walks across the stage. The whole group goes wild at his name and he can hear the cheering from the overflow section too.
When the ceremony is over, Tony takes off, hearing Clint and the other two follow after him. They find Steve still sitting in his chair, surrounded by talking and excited students and families. When he catches sight of them, he reaches out a hand, and Tony feels a sense of vertigo at Steve asking for help to get up. Something Steve's been willing to do more and more. It should be a good thing. But it just feels like a bad omen.
Bucky doesn't hesitate, grasping Steve's arm and helping haul him into his feet.
"You're like us now." Bucky says with a smile, "college kid."
Steve laughs, "can't believe it."
Natasha kisses Steve's cheek and then hugs him. Clint's gently patting him in the back, and Tony waves them forward. "Come on, the adoring crowds are waiting."
Steve rolls his eyes but starts to walk, the thunk of the cane on the grass muted by the noise around them.
—
Steve sees her before she sees him. "Peggy!" He calls, "over here!"
She turns, catches sight and steps quickly over to them, "you've done it!" She congratulates, kissing him fiercely and almost knocking him off his feet. She straightens him just in time and the group laughs.
Then something pops into Steve's mind, "wait, hold on."
He twists and turns and then gigs out his phone, clicking a contact to call.
"Steve?"
"If you wanna meet her, we're by the 30yrd line."
A squeal of excitement and a dial tone is all he hears in response.
"Who was that?" Peggy asks, the group circling around them.
"That was one of your biggest fans."
Not a minute later Angie comes bounding forward. "You must be Peggy! I'm Angie, I've heard all about you. You scare me. I think you're awesome."
Peggy looks shocked for a moment before letting out a laugh, "well, thank you… I think."
"Yeah the way you decked that guy at prom? Sensational. No notes. Amazing."
Peggy laughs again, "I'm glad you thought so."
Tony steps forward, "Peggy, this is the Angie who helped Steve walk home for a few weeks. The Angie with the Rumlow video."
Realization stuns Peggy for a moment before she's yanking the girl forward and holding onto her tightly, "thank you. I mean it, thank you."
Angie hugs her back and then gently taps Steve's cheek. "Of course. Good thing he's a terrible actor."
The group laughs but Steve just smiles.
—
He sees Mrs. Stark and Clint's Uncle and stepmom Melissa, Bucky's parents are there too and he spends hours shaking hands and talking and being congratulated.
They all cram into Milo's that he opens only for them, and they spend the next few hours eating and talking.
Steve can't manage more than a few bites, but he tries.
The sun has set and Sam catches him yawning one too many times. "Alright, we can celebrate more tomorrow. Let's get these kids home."
It takes a while, saying goodbyes and solidifying plans for the next couple days.
Tony and his parents leave with Mr. Jarvis and the Barnes take off too although Bucky sticks around to walk with the group home.
Clint waves goodbye, staying to help clean up after with his uncle.
Peggy sticks by him until the reach the front door.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" She asks, kissing him gently as the littler kids file in the house.
Steve smiles and kisses her back. "Love you."
Peggy smiles, "love you too." Then she waves and is walking towards her parent's car.
Peter finds his way next to Steve and the little hand in his makes him smile. Although Peter has started to grow. His limbs lengthening to an almost disproportional level. He'll be hitting a major growth spurt soon, Steve would bet money on it.
"You're done with highschool now."
"I am." Steve huffs, "crazy to think."
"What are you going to do next year?"
Steve ruffles Peter's hair, "I don't know yet."
Peter seems to accept that answer just fine.
—-
Natasha hears Steve call her name. She walks down the stairs and finds him on his bed. "Yeah, Steve?"
He winces apologetically, "you think you could grab me something?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"Up under my old bed I have a shoe box? It's a converse one. Could you bring me that?"
Natasha nods, still in shock over Steve willingly asking for help instead of trying to force himself to do it.
The temptation to open the box is strong, but she doesn't.
When she hands it to Steve he thanks her, but is cut off with a yawn.
"You need to go to bed," she jokes.
"I am." He says with a chuckle, "I am. Just gotta brush my teeth and then I'm heading straight to sleep."
"Good. Night Steve, see you tomorrow."
Steve smiles at her, "night!"
—-
I'm between Natasha heading upstairs and coming back, Sam walks in.
"You heading to bed?"
Steve nods, "yeah I'm tired," he admits then yawns to accentuate his point. "Thanks for everything today."
Sam smiles and ruffles his hair like he'd just ruffled Peter's a bit ago, "you did that all by yourself, Steve."
He's about to protest but Sam waggles a finger at him, "no arguments. Gets some sleep and I'll see you in the morning. Okay?"
"Okay."
Sam exits and not even a minute later Natasha returns. Once she's said goodnight and left, Steve pulls out the notebook that he's meant to bring down when Sam had first asked him if he wanted to move downstairs.
He flips to the back page and he smiles.
It's a Bucket List of sorts.
Bucky had filled him in all those years ago about his drug addled bucket list creation.
Eventually he'd actually written one on a real piece of paper with an actual pen.
He kept the first couple because for some reason he felt like he had to.
To Do:
Go to a concert
Ride in a Jet
Go to Ireland
Talk to my Ma again
Graduate Highschool
Sell my Art
Meet the love of my life
He wasn't sure if they really counted. Half the time he would do something then add it to the list just so he could check it off.
He met Peggy and added the 'love of my life' after the second date.
The 'sell my Art' after his gallery opening with Professor Sif.
He checked off 'ride in a jet' and 'go to Ireland' in one go.
And now he grabs a pen and makes a delicate check mark next to 'Graduate Highschool'.
The way his body relaxes after that is almost comical. Like he was just waiting for that one thing.
He takes the picture of his ma out and places her on the page as he smiles and sets the notebook on the bed.
His phone buzzes and he grabs it, sliding it open.
Voice Message from Matt Murdock:
Hey, Steve, happy Graduation day. Hope it went well. Just wanted to give you the good news. All your paperwork is finalized. Call me if you have any questions.
He types out a quick response.
Thanks! It went well. That's good to hear and yeah can you bring it over tomorrow? Thanks again for doing all that!
Steve tosses his phone onto his pillow and goes to stand up. His legs wobble and he huffs, using his hand on the nightstand to catch himself.
He blinks and straightens.
Then he slowly walks, leaving his cane in favor of using a hand against the wall. He can hear the sounds of the kids moving around upstairs, also getting ready for bed.
He finally makes it to the bathroom and grabs his toothbrush out of the holder. He leans his bony hip against the sink as he opens the tube of toothpaste and dispenses some onto his brush.
His arm and shoulder ache at the movement while he brushes but he's used to that. After rinsing his mouth and replacing his tooth brush, Steve rinses his face and turns to the wall behind him to grab a towel.
The movement makes him dizzy and he stumbles, hand catching against her wall.
His breath leaves him and he has to suck in another one.
Then his heart beats, and he feels the way it almost pauses, then beats again. But slower. Like it's too thick. Like his heart is fighting against sludge to be able to beat.
And suddenly he knows this is it.
A shaky, "um—" is the only sound he can manage as he turns back to the door.
He tries.
Steve steps, hoping to make it to the door handle. If he can slam the door then maybe he can get someone's attention. But his brain is feeling as stuck in molasses as his heart is.
When he moves a leg, the hip joint wobbles and he feels his knee buckle under the weight.
Then he's sinking fast to the floor, hand reaching towards the doorknob.
The cold linoleum makes him shiver and the last thought he has before the sludge over takes his heart is that he and bathrooms really don't mix.
—
His dad tosses his keys into the bowl by the door and they walk into the house.
They're in a good mood and they head straight to the kitchen for a late evening snack.
"So," his dad starts, "what's your guys' plan for tomorrow?"
Tony breaks a chip in half, swiping the crumbs into the sink, "I think we're getting together with everyone and going to that cafe? And then maybe a movie after. Something low key."
Howard nods, "probably a good idea. He had a lot of excitement today. He needs to rest."
Tony agrees and is about to say something when Howard's phone rings.
"Hello?" A voice that sounds excited on the other side speaks. Howard's face lights up, "really?" Another pause as the person speaks, and then Howard is pumping a fist in the air, "that's phenomenal news, we'll get to work on the implementation problem right away, okay?"
There's another few seconds of conversation but then his dad is looking at him and smiling. "Erskine finished the formula. He says he's 100% positive it will work. Now we just need to finish the application process and the glitch issue and—" his dad's throat tightens and Tony can see the relief telegraph all over his dad's face. That he's going to do it. He's actually going to be able to keep his promise. "Late night lab session?"
Tony feels the grin on his face, "oh, you're on!"
—-
Clint stays up late, talking with Laura right outside her house. The screen door is open and he can hear her parents puttering around.
Her dad is the exact opposite of his. And her mom reminds him of Mrs. Stark, reserved but full of kindness.
"What do you think we should do as a group?" Laura asks, brushing back the hair hanging over his forehead. "I know with Steve's abilities it eliminates a lot, but we should still try to do something fun with everyone."
"What if we did like a spa day?" Laura raises an eyebrow and he nods, "like yeah maybe I don't wanna get a pedicure but I'd always go for a massage, and I bet it would be good for Steve too. People could get whatever treatments they want and we could pick one that has like a lounge and just hang out?"
Her soft lips meet his and she smiles at him, "that sounds like a really sweet idea. Let's ask them tomorrow at the cafe."
He scoots closer, sitting between her legs, his back against her torso and his arms hanging over her knees. He feels her rest her chin gently on the top of his head and he relaxes.
—
Natasha wakes up early, feeling antsy.
She showers and gets dressed and finds the kitchen empty. Too early for even Sam to be up making breakfast.
She grabs her shoes and goes outside, the cool almost summer day already giving off the promise of heat. Her soft footsteps are the only sound as she walks towards Bucky's house. Halfway there she pulls out her phone and calls him.
"Hello?"
Comes the sleepy answer.
"Hey." She says with a smile, "wanna go grab coffee? I want to bring some back for Sam from his favorite place."
Bucky's voice is already more awake, and she can hear him moving, "yeah sounds fun, I'll meet you at my door."
His door creaks open quietly and she giggles at his bed head. He brushes it down with a grin and he kisses her cheek when she presents it with a smirk.
"House is quiet?" Bucky asks, as they walk hand and hand down the sidewalk.
Natasha nods, "not a sound. Everyone is tired after yesterday."
"'Cept you." Bucky teases.
She yawns and rest he's her hands up, dragging one of his with hers. "Yeah. But I just couldn't sleep."
Bucky eyes her, "oh yeah? How come?"
She shrugs, "I dunno. Just had this weird itch like I need to get up you know?"
It's quiet for a while until they walk into the little bodega cafe that Sam loves.
They each order something for themselves and she orders for Sam. After paying they slowly walk through the aisles and peruse the little packaged goods before hearing their number called.
They walk back, the sun rising higher and the warmth growing deeper. And with Bucky's hand in hers, she feels at ease.
—-
Bucky sips from his coffee as they walk back around the corner towards the house. They enter quietly but hear people up and about so they relax, not worried about waking anyone.
"Sam!" Natasha calls, "coffee delivery!"
Bucky dodges as two of the younger kids bounce around their legs, shrieking about some imaginary foe they were slaying. Daniel was following after them slowly, a book under his nose.
The man emerges from the kitchen and spies the cup, "oh what? I'm getting home delivery now?"
They chuckle at his enthusiasm as he takes a sip and pretends to melt. "Breakfast is almost ready if you're hungry." He points at Bucky, "you too. You're welcome to stay."
"Thanks Sam."
"You gunna wake Steve up or let him sleep in?" Natasha asks, scooting a stray Lego with her shoe.
"What time is your meet up today?"
"Not till one."
"I say let him sleep in then." Sam says with a smile, "he was really tired last night."
They both agree and walk to the kitchen to help.
—
Tony lifts his head from the hard metal table where he'd fallen asleep.
"Dad?"
His dad's head pops up from somewhere and he smiles, "you get some beauty rest?"
Tony runs at his eyes, "what time is it?"
"Like 9. I think. Actually it was 9 when inlays checked and the passage of time has eluded me. So maybe 10?"
Tony taps his phone. "It's 9:13 dad." Howard huffs a laugh and Tony spies three mugs. "How much coffee have you had?"
"Just enough." His dad says with a chuckle, "come help me with this applicator." Tony strides over, "I feel like if we can inject the formula all at once, we will be more successful. Like a major jumpstart. If we do it in stages his body may try to fight it. Like an infection."
Tony's listening as his dad starts showing off the new addictions to the pod.
—
Breakfast finishes and Bucky looks at the clock, "we should wake up Steve. It will take him a while to get ready and then for us to travel to the cafe."
Sam nods, "feel free to go wake him up. Sometimes he's a cranky pants in the morning."
Natasha laughs and Bucky stands, pushing back from the large wooden table. "If he gets mad at me I'll just blame you." He flips Natasha's braid and she makes a scoff sound. He walks upstairs and into the room only to immediately smack his forehead in remembrance that Steve had moved downstairs to make it easier on his legs.
He quickly works his way down the stairs, high-fiving Pietro in his way. The door swings open quietly as he pokes his head in.
Except the bed is made and there's a notebook on it.
Bucky's brow furrows. Had he already left?
He walks to the kitchen. "Steve's not there, you sure he didn't have an early appointment with Howard?"
Sam looks at him, "the day after graduation? Nah, even I woulda put the kabosh on that."
"Well he's not there and his bed's made."
Natasha looks up and she tilts her head, "maybe he's in the bathroom."
And it's like those words are a strike of lightning.
Steve and bathrooms are never a good sign.
He shoves back out of the room, almost tripping on his own feet. He flies back down the separate hallway, passing Sam's room and his little bathroom, before heading around the corner. His heart calms a little at the bathroom door propped open and the light on. "Steve?"
He steps to the door and it creaks as it opens.
—
Natasha's entire body goes rigid at the sound she hears.
Sam looks like he'd been struck too.
Like an animal being gutted.
Sam's face pales and his lips manage out one word. "No." Before he's skidding out the door and disappearing.
She's frozen.
She can't seem to move.
No.
No.
No.
Move.
She shoves her fear down and bolts after Sam.
It's seconds before she's crashing into his back and looking around him.
Steve's laying on the ground.
Hand outstretched towards the door. His skin isn't yellow anymore.
It's gray.
Like stone.
And his lips are blue.
And Bucky is shaking, kneeling by Steve's hand and vibrating so hard she's sure the whole house is shaking.
Then Sam's gently moving him aside and scooping Steve up. "Steve?" His voice asks, broken and sad, "Steve buddy. Steve. I'm going to need you to wake up, buddy." His voice gets rougher, "hey pal, come on now. Wake up. You gotta wake up."
Natasha can hear a crowd gathering behind her. Probably heard Bucky's anguished cry like they had. She turns, seeing Wanda and Yelena's wide wondering eyes.
"Get the kids upstairs. Put on a movie. Understand?" But they don't move. "Get them upstairs, NOW."
The sharp harsh tone startles the girls into moving and then pushing them back down the hallway.
"Steve." Sam says again, "wake up. Not now. Not now. Come on. Wake up."
Natasha turns back around to see Steve laying limply in Sam's arms. His arm dragging on the floor.
And she notices something. "He's not in pajamas." They look at her and she sinks to the floor, absolutely numb. "He's not in pajamas. Those were his clothes from last night. He's been here all night." Her brain short circuits. "All night." She chokes, "all night." Her breath is coming more rapidly and Bucky's shaking isn't helping, "he laid alone. Dying on this floor all night."
Bucky makes another growling desperate sound and Sam is holding Steve up to his chest. "Steve. I need you to open your eyes."
But Steve lies still.
—-
Bucky opens the door and sees Steve laying there.
Just.
Laying there.
And he freezes.
His brain refuses to process.
His glasses are askew, and some reason the angle makes him remember the dumpster. The way Steve's glasses had poked out of that.
No.
"No." Bucky says. "No."
But Steve doesn't move. Doesn't respond to the sound of his voice. Why isn't he responding?
Bucky's knees hit the floor and he's crying? Why is he crying? Steve just needs to get up.
Get up Steve.
"Get up, Steve."
Just like the shower. In Ireland. He just needs help standing.
He reaches out to grab Steve's bony hand and his skin is like ice.
He recoils and someone's making a horrible noise.
—-
Sam stands suddenly, pulling Steve's body off the floor like it weighs nothing. Which is practically true.
Then he's out the door and Natasha and Bucky are still sitting in shock. Then they slowly get to their feet and follow after him. Quiet and unable to speak.
They approach the kitchen and hear Sam on the phone.
"Yes. No, I don't know. Could be heart or liver or immune—" he pauses and listens. Then he lists off their address. He turns, Steve still tucked in his arms. "Ambulance is coming." He turns to Natasha. "I called Sarah. She's going to get here as soon as she can."
Everything he's saying is on autopilot. His hand is gripping Steve's body too hard. Too hard. Steve should be complaining about being held. He's not a baby. He reminds them of that all the time.
"—until then I need you to stay with the kids."
That makes her snap, "wait WHAT!" She shakes her head, "no. No, I'm going."
Sam's eyes are closed and he shifts Steve's weight.
"I need you here, Nat. You're the only one I can leave who is over 18."
"They'll be fine!" She insists, "I'm going."
"Check his pulse." Bucky says flatly as if that's an important thing to do. "Last time we didn't check."
Sam's pursing his lips in distress and shifting Steve's weight again, unwilling to set him down. "I checked for a pulse, James."
"Check again."
"Bucky."
"Check again!" Bucky snarls, life coming back in him, he lunges forward, reaching for Steve and Sam steps back.
"James, you best step back."
"Stop!" Natasha shrieks, "stop. Stop. Stop."
Bucky turns to Sam, "call Howard. He needs to fix this."
Sam's eyes are watering, "there's no fixing this. Steve is—" he can't finish the thought.
"He can't be dead." Bucky says, "that's not possible. He has at least 3 more years. The doctor said."
But Natasha is staring at the limp hand hanging out of Sam's grasp. Suddenly her breakfast is fighting her. She turns, grabbing the trash can and shoving off the lid. She heaves, her breakfast coming back up.
Bucky is sounding frantic now, "no, stop. This isn't a joke. The doctor said 22. And Howard's going to fix this. Howard promised to fix this. Someone call Howard."
Sam shifts Steve's weight again and Natasha watches how lifeless his body is. Steve is dead.
Steve died.
Steve died and Sam is just holding his dead body in his arms.
She turns and throws up again.
—
Bucky watches Natasha's face as the EMT's head down the steps, the gurney carrying Steve's body towards the ambulance.
It's dark and somber and exhausted. He assumes his face matches.
Sam takes a ride in the ambulance. He could ask his dad to drive him. But he just walks numbly to the metro.
And it's halfway to the stop closest to the hospital that he breaks down.
Sobbing into his hands and crying too loud and shaking.
His chest aches like it's being ripped apart. Rib by rib and pound of flesh by pound of flesh.
But no one pays him any mind.
It's New York after all.
—-
Natasha hears the doorbell ring.
The kids are still sequestered in one of the rooms watching a movie and she slips down the stairs and walks to the front door.
She opens the door, hoping for Sarah.
Only to find Steve's lawyer instead.
"Natasha?" Then his head tilts as if he's listening to her shaky breathing. He leans forward and his hand comes up to gently touch at her cheek. It's flushed and warm of course from crying. His demeanor instantly changes. "Where did they take him?"
"St. Sebastian's."
Matt nods and is gone.
Finally she finds the will to call Clint.
"Hey, we still up for this afternoon?"
She sinks onto the steps and clutches her knees to her chest. Her forehead presses harshly against her kneecap. A half choked sob is all she can manage.
"Nat?"
She can't speak.
"Nat? What is it?" She hears Clint's voice ratchet up six notches, "what's happening? What happened? Nat! Talk to me! Nat!"
"S-Steve's gone." She chokes out. "He died."
Utter obliterating silence is all she hears on the other end of the phone. She just cries harder.
—-
Tony is washing the grease from his hands when his dad's phone starts to ring. He looks at the screen. "It's Sam!"
His dad reaches over with a smile, "oh good, we can give them the good news. This should be ready in the next day or so."
Tony dries his hands as his dad answers.
"Sam, hey, I was just going to call you." Then there's a weird tinge to his dad's voice. "What?"
And Tony watches the phone fall in slow motion. It slips from his dad's fingers, staying upright, screen lit up until the corner of it hits the cement ground and it shatters. Pieces spreading out like a starburst.
"Dad?"
But his dad's face is slack and he makes a wheezing sound like he's trying to breathe in air but can't quite manage. Tony feels his heart start to combust, beating so quickly it's a drum beat no one could keep up with.
"Dad?"
Howard heaves forward, grasping at the metal bench and gripping it so hard that Tony can practically hear it shriek under his hold.
"Dad!"
Then Howard's turning to him, "give me your phone."
Tony doesn't hesitate, throwing it over to him. He's dialing and someone answers.
"Ventilator—" is his dad's first word.
He hears a heavy Howard.
But then his dad is shouting, "put him on a damn ventilator, Sam! I don't fucking care what medical protocol is! I need oxygen to his blood and brain!" Sam must start talking but his dad's not finished, "dialysis, and—" then his dad is leaving, striding out of the lab and leaving Tony behind.
Ventilator.
His chest aches.
Steve.
He races after his dad.
—-
Bucky sits by the bedside as he hears Howard shout over the phone.
Steve was pronounced dead at the hospital and the nurses were going to come take his body away soon.
He can't even look.
But he holds Steve's cold stiff hand.
And he wants to vomit like Natasha had.
But he had his breakdown in the subway and he'd pulled himself together. He'd texted his parents. They'd called but he couldn't find it in himself to answer.
"We're going to take him now, sir."
They both look up at the nurses who are staring at him kindly. Steve had told Bucky about the other nurses who knew him and his ma. He'll never be able to step foot in a hospital and not associate it with Steve. Even decades from now.
Sam's voice hesitates, "I know it's unorthodox…" he gestures weakly at his phone, "can we put him on a ventilator?"
The nurses frown, "um…" they look between them questioningly, "sir, that's not going to do anything."
"Just…" Sam sighs, "please. Howard Stark is coming."
One of the nurses lets out "what?" And Sam nods.
"We know him. He's Steve's…" he winces, "was Steve's sort of other dad. He requested that Steve be put on a ventilator to continue to circulate the oxygen, and a dialysis machine?"
Bucky can tell Sam is scraping these words out with the last of his sanity. Howard had promised. He'd made big promises. And even with Steve's body on display, somehow, Sam was still having faith in the scientist.
"Sir." The older nurse says calmly, "I'm sorry, but this body is not viable for organ donation—" Bucky lets out a choked sound and the nurse looks at him sympathetically. "I don't mean to be insensitive, I'm just trying to make sure you understand there's no…" she takes a step forward and rests a hand on the plastic sides of the bed, "there's no need to keep the blood flowing."
Sam is stepping forward, "that's not why I'm asking."
"I don't understand."
"Just please do it."
"Sir, I don't—"
"Just!" Sam snaps, his hand curling into a fist pressed against his forehead, sounding more desperate and angry than Bucky has ever heard him, "please."
The nurse steps back and gives a tight smile that Bucky can see means a soon to be fight, "let me go talk to the doctor."
Bucky feels his phone buzz, it's Natasha.
Sarah's here, I'm coming
He sighs in relief. Needing her by his side.
please hurry
I will.
—-
Clint steps into the ER and runs into Matt, Steve's lawyer.
"Matt? What are you doing here?"
"My job." The man says calmly, "come on, the nurses say they're back here."
He follows the man and notices the Manila folder in his hand.
His job.
Clint's brow furrows, mind focusing on that detail so he doesn't have to think about anything else.
What job?
When Clint steps into the room, Happy is standing guard outside and Howard is pointing a finger at a doctor.
Clint looks over to see Steve on the bed. Hooked up to a bunch of stuff.
Which doesn't make sense.
"I'm here to tell you to cease and desist."
Clint's head snaps up to Matt who stands there, his red glasses reflecting the fluorescents.
Howard turns to him, "what?"
Matt lifts the Manila folder and draws out a stack of papers. "In accordance with Steven Rogers' last will and testament, he requested no medical intervention to prevent his death if he was past a viable point of health. So please, remove the equipment."
Howard looks completely stunned. Sam steps forward, "Steve's what?"
Matt hands over the stack, "his last will and testament."
Sam's hands shakily take the document, "what the hell, he didn't tell me about this." He turns to Howard, then to Bucky, "did he tell you about this?!"
"No." Bucky says, "No, I swear."
Howard's looking pale but is still staring at Matt. "He asked you to make a will?"
Matt nods, "yes, he did. And I wouldn't be doing my job if it wasn't honored. So please, have them remove this equipment now."
"But," Howard starts, "I've figured it out, I just need two days!"
Matt is shaking his head, "I'm sorry, but that's not an option."
Tony appears behind them in the doorway, a phone in his hand, "what's happening?"
"Steve made a will." Clint whispers.
Tony's eyes go wide, "what!?"
Howard's face is heartbroken, "he didn't trust me." He pinches the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing, "he didn't trust me."
"This is not an issue of trust." Matt says calmly, "he wanted to be prepared in case the worst should happen. And it has. So, I will ask one last time. Remove this equipment."
"Matt." Howard says with a desperate plea, "you can't do this. Steve's my kid. I can save him. I know how."
"He's dead, Howard. You don't bring people back from the dead. You're not God."
"This is Steve." Howard snaps out, "I promised!" He points a finger at the group, "this isn't my savior complex coming out! It's just a fact! We can save him. I can bring him back."
Matt stays calm, "and this is why he wrote letters."
"Letters?"
Matt removes a small stack of envelopes. "Yes, one for each of you."
Clint accepts the envelope with shaking hands.
He looks up to see the same dread and despair in everyone's expression.
—
Dear Sam,
Somehow I've only known you for four years, but you've turned my entire life around. There was only one day in between you showing up and me causing you problems, but you stuck by me.
I can never express the depth of my gratitude for you not only caring for the kids physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. We were so lost, so… Barren. Mrs. Schmidt had stripped our hope and everything else away. But then you came. And maybe it's cliche but you were the ray of sunshine that us kids needed. Having been deprived of light for so long.
I'm sorry that it's come to this moment. I wanted to last a lot longer, but I hope you understand. There's nothing in this world that gives me more peace than knowing Peter, Wanda, Pietro, Daniel and all the rest are in your hands. And Nat and Yelena now too. You're the best dad ever. And that's the truth. I'm not being biased.
I've instructed Matt to separate my life insurance policy into college funds for the kids. He has them in something with high interest accrual or something like that? I'm not sure how it works but he said he got it all worked out. It's under your name for now, and as they age out it will transfer to them. I know you get government funds and Howard's not going to let those kids out of his sight, but… I wanted to do something. Help in some way. I haven't been much help around the house the last two years, and I am genuinely sorry about that, but I hope this can help.
It's hard knowing these are the last words I'm ever going to get to say to you. I don't even know where to begin or how to end. I just know that you're my dad.
I was real young when my dad died. Don't remember much but distant memories. So to me… You're it. You're the gold standard of dad. Thank you. Thanks for being the role model and the man I would have strived to be.
Take care of them for me, will you?
Your son,
Steve
—
Dear Bucky,
You're probably mad right now. And I do apologize. You hate being kept out of the loop, but this wasn't one you could be in, until now. So just know, you were the first one who I really counted as a friend.
All those years ago when I was that tiny stick of a kid in the summer program? You noticed me. You befriended me. I look back in awe of how much those moments shifted the entire trajectory of my life.
I'd been terrified of letting people in, but it was easy to count you as a brother.
I know I've fought off your protectiveness. My pride got the best of me sometimes. But don't think I didn't appreciate it. Deep down I did. You having my back made me feel like I could do anything. And It's been so cool seeing you get to go to college and move on in life. I hope you and Natasha end up together. You two are so great. You'll change the world for the better, I just know it.
There's not much I can figure out how to say to tell you what you mean to me, but I hope you know. I'll cherish our friendship as long as I'm alive and hopefully you'll cherish it for the both of us when I'm gone. Tell Becca I said to never stop teasing you, and tell your ma to not let the memory of my Ma disappear okay? Someone in this world has to remember Sarah Rogers, and if it can't be me, I hope she's willing for it to be her.
You better have a great life, Bucky, I'm serious. One day, when we're hopefully reunited, I can't wait to hear all about it. And uh… Keep an eye on Peggy for me, will you? Keep her in the friend group if you're willing. And have her talk to Monty, he knows some stuff about what might help. Just ask, he'll know what I'm talking about.
Now that I'm not around, would you mind making sure Wanda and Pietro have a big brother? Pietro can kinda run headlong into things and Wanda takes things too hard. She's too hard on herself. So… take care of them for me will you?
Your Brother,
Steve
—
Dear Clint,
For some reason my mind always reverts to the memory of you finding me in the bell tower after that first incident with the soccer jerseys. Honestly, I remember snapping at you and you disappeared.
And I still feel guilty about it. I'm really sorry for how I acted that day. For what I said. You checked up on me so many times. I kept wanting people to leave me alone to just let me be alone in the misery I was trying so hard to hide. But you refused. You stood by my side and annoyed me with your inability to take a hint.
Thanks for that.
I know you hold a lot of blame and guilt about the dumpster and with Emil. Don't. I won't be able to rest in peace if I know you're out there still holding that grudge against yourself. The brothers, Rumlow, Emil…. They're all hurt people hurting people. Honestly, maybe it's macabre but I'm happy they picked on me, someone who had love and support and people to fight back for them.
Tell your Uncle Ricky that I can't ever repay him for the food, the kind words, and the way he remembers my mom. He's a good guy through and through.
As are you Clint.
I don't care what your past was or what stupid things you did while you were grieving for your mom. You're one of the best guys I know. And I like to think I'm a decent judge of character.
That's something I never talked about with you. Tony and Bucky and Peggy all have their moms. Natasha never knew hers. You and me… we're the only ones who have had and lost. I know you have Melissa, and she's awesome, but we both watched our moms die. And I know you understood more of the pain I felt in my life because of that. So as possibly weird as it is to say, I'm thankful for that.
Tell Laura that I hope she does take those group photos at every wedding and big event.
Also, I was talking to Mrs. Stark the other day, and she said how nice it was to have someone else who was sane living in the house. She told me she told you about her sister, and I was so glad. She listened to me about my ma, and I'm sure she'd listen to you about yours. She's a real special lady. Said she wished I was her kid, and when she told me she loved having you in her house, I think she wishes you were hers too. She doesn't realize she's already made us a part of her family by loving us.
Love her back for both of us, will you?
Your Bell Tower Buddy,
Steve
—
Dear Nat,
As my older sister, I want to make sure that someone is around to annoy you and push your buttons, so please tell Yelena that that's her job even more so. She's gotta cause you grief for the both of us.
You're already an amazing role model for Yelena and Wanda and Rebecca, and I know you're going to work hard to make sure you fight for what you want. And I've always been so impressed by that.
I hope it doesn't bother you, but I got the sense that you were holding back talking about your future when you were around me, as if it might hurt my feelings because I wouldn't have the chance to have a future. And while that was considerate, I hated that you felt that way. I know you have an amazing bright future ahead of you. Don't let anyone take that away. Bucky would follow you to the ends of the earth. Don't take our love and support as a reason to stay. You've got wings when you dance on stage. So you better use 'em to fly.
All those years ago, when I defended dance and then you stood up for me, I was so surprised. I hadn't had anyone with any sort of power do that for me since my ma, so thanks for that.
You're probably going to be closest to Sam for a while since you live there. Help keep the spirits up at the house would you? Maybe it's prideful to assume people will be sad when I die, I don't mean to sound that way, I just know Sam's going to take this hard. Like it was somehow his responsibility to keep me alive. It wasn't. Make sure he knows that will you?
Your little brother,
Steve
—-
Dear Tony,
Man, where to start. While you, Bucky, and Clint have all been sort of like big brothers to me, you're a special case, you know why?
Because you could do anything you wanted to do. Go anywhere you wanted to go, spend money and not care a lick about anyone else.
But here you are trying to better the world. Bucky was telling me about your suit of armor plan, but I agree with him. You don't need a suit of armor to be a good guy. You already are one.
By the way, don't let Pepper go. She's the one person I've seen who keeps your anxiety in check, keeps you grounded, and loves you for everything good that we all already saw. And she doesn't care about your money. How'd we all manage to get so lucky and find the right people? Anyways, that's just my tiny teenager advice. Don't let the good people walk out of your life.
Did I ever thank you for spending 50k on me? If I didn't, I'm sorry, and thank you. It literally saved my life. And I'm forever grateful that I got to spend four extra years on this planet getting to know you.
Maybe it's selfish of me to ask you to spend more time and effort on something, but… Peter is so smart, and so driven and still so…. Innocent. I've been blessed to be his big brother all these years and now, geez it hurts to even think about leaving him behind. But the only way I can rest in peace is knowing he's got a new big brother. Can that be you? You've already helped Bucky realize his full potential by helping him at MIT. Would you be okay making sure Peter stays challenged and focused but also… just loved? Sam is definitely the best dad, but he's going to need a big brother. Someone to fuel his love for science and learning and knowledge and I can't think of no better guy for the job. If you're up for it.
I know your dad is going to take this loss hard because he'll think of it as him failing to keep his promise to me, but… that's not how I see it. Can you make sure he doesn't take it too hard? Thanks Tony.
Love, your alleged half brother by marital affair,
Steve
—
Dear Dad #2 (Aka Howard)
If you're reading this then you're probably furious at me. Because you made a promise and Howard Stark keeps his promises and you probably think this letter means I didn't trust you to do so.
I trust you with my whole life Howard. I have since day one when you looked at me and asked when I lost my hearing. You're a fixer. A mechanic at heart and the reason I knew this wouldn't end the way you wanted it too was because I'm not broken. There's nothing for you to fix. You already kept your promise Howard. Taking care of me these last four years and now, going forward, you watching over my siblings and my friends and Sam and the house… that's what keeps me alive. You'll fulfill every aspect of your promise if you do that.
I'm not trying to guilt trip you into caring for them. I know you are going to no matter what I say. But I can't let you live on thinking you failed me. You didn't. I'm alive and well in the spirit of that house. If the kids get fed, and loved, and they get to live their lives, then I've accomplished my goal and so have you.
Tony talked about figuring out how to make sure kids in houses like the ones I grew up in always have access to glasses or hearing devices or walking assistants. Isn't that amazing? If my life was the catalyst for him wanting to do that? Then I'm living through that.
Tell Mrs. Stark that she is one of the kindest and most loving women I've ever met. I kept that short of Tony's she gave me all those years ago. It's in my dresser if he or she ever want it back.
Would you do me one last favor?
It's a big one.
So I need you to promise me.
Don't waste your life thinking about me. Don't spend your days trying to "correct" this mistake, or analyze how you went wrong or woulda coulda shouldas.
Don't let Tony do that either. He's going to need you. He craves your love, attention, and recognition more than he can even admit to himself.
Now, you're Howard Stark and you're known for not letting things go until you find your solution.
I'm asking you, as your bastard son, let it go.
Don't let your mustache be sad.
Love, your love child,
Steve
—-
Matt looks around, then back at the envelope, "is Peggy Carter not here?"
Clint, Natasha, Sam, Bucky, Tony, and Howard all look up from their letters, each with red stained eyes and miserable expressions.
And it's Bucky's voice that cracks as it speaks, "has anyone even told Peggy?"
—