"Bucky—" his brain is like a clanging cymbal and someone is pounding a hammer against his head at the same time, "BUCKY!"

Ugh, everything hurts.

He's weightless at times. And then heavy. Then cold. Then hot. He's dizzy. He's falling. His arm frikin' hurts.

Something's pinching his arm, he tries to swat at it, "stop— Bucky, stop— You—"

Then something seeps into his veins. A balm. A strange glowing sensation like he's being dipped in warmth. It starts at his arm and slowly trails up through his shoulder and it blazes across his chest and down the rest of his limbs.

Someone's touching his neck, pressing there. Then he hears a quiet voice crying. It sounds shaky but kind of relieved.

He doesn't know much after that. He just relaxes into the warmth.

—-

Tony claps his hands getting all the kiddos attentions. "Alright, my intrepid travelers. We have three days until the show, and that means we have plenty of time to sight see and enjoy ourselves." He looks over at his dad who is frowning at his phone. He shoos Sam and the kids into the hotel lobby with their key cards and then walks over to his mom and dad. "What's wrong?"

His dad looks at him and his voice gets cautious. "They missed their flight."

Tony tilts his head, "they did? Why?"

"Don't know. They never checked in for it either."

Tony feels that beat. The anxiety and the adrenaline ratchet up at the same time. "Okay. Call them."

Howard's nodding. "Yep. I will." He dials a number and waits. "Clint's a no." He says as he pulls the phone away from his ear. His mom starts looking worried.

"I'll call Steve." Tony offers. "You call Bucky." He's already pressing the contact as his dad does the same. When it goes directly to voicemail, his eyes flick up to his dad. Who is staring at his phone. "Voicemail."

"Same."

"Call Castle."

"Yep." His dad responds. Clicking another number.

Nothing

"Morita."

Nothing.

"Blaze."

Nothing.

"Logan."

"He wasn't on that mission. Or the other guy."

"Tony." His mom orders, "breathe."

"There's a lot of reasons they could be late or delayed." His dad says slowly.

"Yeah, including being dead." Tony grits out, trying to pull up the tracers he and his dad have on their phones.

"Don't say that." His mom snaps, "that's not funny."

"I'm not joking!" He responds, looking at his phone, "two of them aren't showing up. Barnes' is the only one dinging. It's—" he throat goes dry. It's in the middle of a random mountain range. Probably wherever their mission was.

"Dad—" Panic is truly gripping him now.

"Tony—" hands grip his face, bringing him back to the present, "breathe. Steve is all but indestructible, remember? He's fine. And I know he's going to make sure everyone else is fine, okay?" He can see his father is just saying that to keep him steady. But it works. He pulls in a shaky deep breath and the panic recedes a bit. "I have a small branch a few hundred miles from that location—" His dad says, moving his hands to Tony's arms "—that mines for precious metals. I'll send someone I know to their location. They'll find them."

Tony nods.

"Tony?"

His voice is dry, "yeah?"

"It is going to all be okay."

"How can you know that. You can't possibly know that."

His dad only has to duck his head a little to match his height and level their eye lines. "Tell me one time I've been wrong before?"

There's a long moment where Tony thinks, trying to come up with anytime where it didn't end up alright.

But his dad's right. It has always worked out, at least so far.

"Okay." He breathes out, "okay."

Howard nods and grins, even if there's still a hint of concern in his expression, "okay."

—-

Clint groans, coming to but feeling like a blanket of bricks is laid on him.

He can't move or speak, but he's somewhat present of mind. He tries to open his eyes but can't seem to. He knows they'd be dry if he did. Then as if summoned, water is pressed to his lips, "come on, Clint, I need you to drink water. I need you to drink."

Somehow he manages to open his mouth and receive the liquid. "That's good." A relieved voice says, "that's great, have more. Help is coming. I'm sure help is coming."

The words are sure. The voice saying them is more hesitant.

Then water is being poured onto his eyes and something kind of rough is gently scrubbing at them, "they look better already." Clint knows his eye is open, but his vision is blurry. "I don't think you took too much to the face, that's good."

He accepts more water to drink and then he feels tired. Someone is moving him. Someone warm.

Steve. It's Steve. The voice is Steve's. That's good. It's good that Steve is okay.

The heaviness settles over him again and it pulls him back to unconsciousness.

—

Natasha is never not in awe of the London Theater. It's gorgeous inside and out and she has to force herself to focus as they rehearse and prepare for opening night. The show is in three days and Yelena is supposed to fly in the day before the show.

So for now, she must focus, focus, focus.

"No way!"

She looks over and there's a group of people staring at a phone.

"What is it?" Someone else asks.

"Howard and Tony Stark are in London! Like two blocks from here!"

She bobbles out of her turn and stares at them, "what?"

The girl holds up her phone, "look!"

It's a paparazzi picture of Howard and Tony on the sidewalk, staring at each other as Howard holds Tony's arms. A hotel stands in the background.

She grins. He's here early. Which means Yelena is here early! She almost bolts for her phone but then stops.

One, no one here knows about that connection. Probably good not to make a big deal of it. Especially since she hasn't asked him the question she wants.

And two, he's here early for a reason. Classic Howard. Probably to surprise her. And Tony is here too! Which means they probably have something planned.

Excitement builds and she stretches before throwing herself back into her turns.

—

The Day Before

Bucky feels like someone shocks him awake. Like suddenly electricity is in his blood and he's zapped.

But still… he's stiff, inflexible. He tries to shift and only just manages.

He peels his eyelids open and looks to his left. It's relatively dark, wherever they are. But there's a small fire in the middle and he can see shapes around the little hearth.

A warmth is across his chest and he looks down to see a hand resting on him. He knows that hand. Steve.

He looks to his right, and sitting beside him, facing him, is Steve.

And he looks terrible. Eyes surrounded by bruises and what looks like dried blood. His clothes are tattered and look singed. And his skin is mottled. Like he ran into a fire, got beat up and singed, and ran out.

He also looks pale. Paler than Bucky has seen in awhile.

Bucky swallows, trying to get enough saliva to be able to speak. "Hey—" he croaks out, "hey, Steve—"

Instantly Steve wakes, jolting as if startled. Then he leans over and stares at Bucky, "you—" then Steve is crying, holding his face, "oh— oh, you're alive! Bucky, you're—" Then Steve bows his head and rests on his chest. Bucky sits there shocked, not really able to move much, but also stunned at the pure fear and then relief on Steve's expression.

How bad was it to extract that sort of response?

"I'm alive." Bucky says softly, throat still dry. "What happened?"

"Here have some water." Steve offers, helping him drink and drink some more. Then Steve is offering him rations which he slowly eats with Steve's help. With each bite of food he feels better and more like himself.

Someone shifts and comes over, "hey Barnes. Good to see you awake."

Bucky nods at Blaze, "good to be conscious. Where are we?"

The man shrugs, "some cave. I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I was unconscious. Just like you. Woke up here."

"Oh…" Bucky's eyes count the shapes around the fire he now knows are his teammates. He can see Castle, hulking and heavy on the left, sleeping presumably. Then Morita, smaller and curled up, next to him. Then Clint. Stretched out with something laid on top of him. He squints. It looks like a pack is resting on his chest.

"It got really cold." Steve says quietly. "I pulled out the emergency blankets but they kept gettin' blown away by the wind. So the pack helped keep it down and helped add weight and heat too." He grimaces, "best I could do."

"You look like shit, Steve." Bucky says, "what the hell happened?"

"You're one to talk." Steve snaps back, in an unusual show of annoyance. Then he looks up at Blaze, "any sign?"

"Yeah, got a blip on our radio once the solar charger worked. Sent the signal. Hopefully they come soon."

Steve nods. "Yeah. Hopefully." Bucky struggles to sit fully upright and he winces, "careful, you got shot." Steve cautions, pointing to his left arm, "it passed through. So stay off of it."

Bucky stares at his arm. Yeah, it hurts. But it's not that bad. "Did you give me something?" Bucky asks, "like a numbing agent? Or pain meds?"

Steve goes rigid and turns away, pretending to shuffle through his pack, "yeah." Then he stretches and stands up, crouched because of the short ceiling. "I'm going to try to reach someone." He says abruptly, walking away.

Bucky looks at the rest, "how are they?"

Blaze looks over, "shitty, I think. I only woke up a few hours ago. Heads been pounding ever since. Only seen Barton stir once but he didn't wake up. The other two have been pretty quiet. But both have pulses, and I think Morita is…" he yawns, "I think Morita's fine. I think he's just sleeping off pain meds and a bad knock to the head."

"Why do you think he's fine?"

Blaze points to the harsh red spots on his own face that look like a bad rash. "We all have these in various states of healing, except Morita. He doesn't have any. So I don't think he got hit with it."

Bucky frowns, "hit with what?"

Blaze tilts his head, "with the gas." When Bucky just blinks, not really comprehending what he is saying, the guy looks at him blankly, "the poison gas. From the ambush."

Bucky blinks again and frowns, "I didn't know we got hit with poison gas."

Blaze stares at him, "you must have. Without putting on your mask you'd be dead. Probably breathed a bit in and rattled your memories."

"I don't—" he starts, wracking through his memories, "I don't remember putting a mask on. I just remember standing, being dizzy, and then falling." He looks down, "I think I remember the bullet too."

There's a strange expression on Blaze's face. "I don't think you fell. You were up on that cliff face. If you fell, you'd be dead."

Something terribly eerie sets in Bucky's gut.

Something about the resonating truth in that statement.

He should be dead.

So why isn't he?

—-

18 Hours Earlier

Steve slowly makes his way towards the northern ridge. The pathway is narrow but thankfully not challenging. If intel is correct they'll find signs of a drop sight and be able to—

His head whips up. The smell of something throwing his senses off. He breathes deep, trying to understand what it is. Only to feel his throat and nose burn like they're inflamed.

"Morita!" He calls to the man behind him, "mask on, NOW!"

He scrambles for his own, sliding it down over his face and securing it into place. He turns back to see Morita looking at him with wide eyes, "what is it?"

"Gas." Steve responds. "Not sure what kind or where they're releasing it from." He points to Morita's belt, "radio the others, right now."

Morita grabs the walkie, raising it to his lips, "this is Morita, come in, Castle?"

"This is Castle."

Morita opens his mouth to respond when the sound of a rifle firing splits the air. The radio explodes into a thousand pieces and Morita and he both jolt apart.

Then another bullet flies past and spurs them to action. Steve grabs Morita, hailing him faster around a ledge.

"Watch out!" He hears Morita call, yanking him backwards. The sound of something shattering makes Steve turn. The front plastic of Morita's face shield is gone. Shattered to pieces.

He looks at Steve with wide eyes, a drop of blood dripping from a tiny slice above his eyebrow from how it shattered.

Steve's mind goes into high alert. He yanks off his own mask, shoving it onto Morita's face and securing it.

"Hey!" Morita protests, his voice muffled, "you need—" another volley of bullets has them dodging for cover and Steve pulls out his own comms,

"Masks now! Gas released! Origin and location unknown!" He's shouting.

"Copy." He hears Blaze's voice. Then he hears muffled coughing and gagging and his heart rate spikes.

"Blaze!"

Another long silence and then they hear a deep raspy breath, "c-copy."

Relief floods through him. "Castle? Barnes? Barton? Do you copy?"

"Hostiles in play—" he hears Castle's voice come over, "move—" static, "—devue— north— copy?"

Steve turns to Morita, his eyes are really starting to burn now. "Did it come through clearer with the—" he points to the main comms device on Morita's pack.

Morita shakes his head. Then another round of bullets starts to fly and the conversation ends.

—

Present

Tony feels a hand shaking him awake.

He squints one eye open, "hmm?"

"They're all alive." His dad whispers, trying not to wake the kids littered around the giant suite. His dad had tried to convince the kids that they could have their own rooms but they hadn't wanted to be separated. So he'd gotten the two largest suites and split them in half. Sam was in one, and Sarah was in the other. But Tony had "accidentally" nodded off while talking to Peter.

Truth is he couldn't handle sleeping alone in his own room either. Not tonight. Not while waiting for news.

He sits up, trying not to jostle Peter, "they are?"

His dad is smiling, just the light from his phone flashlight illuminating the area, "they are." He whispers, "I don't have many details, but they'd set off a beacon and got picked up. Should be here in London by tomorrow afternoon."

He sinks back, relief flooding him, "that's great. That's good news. Holy hell." He pauses and then leans back up, "they're all okay though?"

His dad shrugs, "haven't heard. Just know they picked up 6 individuals. No body count."

Tony nods, "okay. I can deal with that. If they're alive I can still yell at them for giving me a panic attack."

His dad grins, "yes. Yes, you can."

—

Clint comes to on the flight over. He spies a IV line connected to him and while he's dirty and grimy, there are spots that have been cleaned and bandaged. He grabs a water bottle that is clearly intended to be within his arm's reach, and after struggling with the cap for a second, manages to get it open. He downs it without hesitation.

He looks up, finally clear minded and sees the group all in various positions. Castle is awake. Staring at a tablet, a grim expression on his face and a large bandage on his neck.

Morita sits quietly, his eyes on the ground, his hands fiddling with some small piece of machinery.

Blaze is at the front, talking to the pilot.

Then his eyes find Bucky. Sitting at the back of the plane, arm in a sling and eyes glued to something. Clint follows the line to Steve, who is lying on the ground, on his side, asleep, he assumes.

"Bucky," he calls. Blue eyes flick to him and then Bucky comes over, settling beside him.

"Hey Clint, good to see you're awake. How you feelin'?"

He nods, "I feel pretty okay. Just kind of sore and achy."

Bucky nods, "did you get your mask on on time?"

Clint grimaces, the memory of the burning in his eyes and throat coming back. "I did get it on. Think I still breathed some in though."

"Yeah, I think we all did."

Clint yawns, shifting and feeling the ability to move and stretch really start to return, "how was it up on the ledge?"

A strange expression crosses Bucky's face, then his eyes flick to Steve and he looks back, "I don't know. I don't know what happened. Everytime I ask Steve, he finds a way to avoid talking about it."

Clint furrows his brow, "why?"

Bucky shakes his head slowly, "I don't know… I don't know what happened. I don't remember much."

Castle stands, "we're landing in less than an hour. Medical will be on hand. If there's no other issues, you'll be heading to London and should be there this afternoon."

They both nod. Then he gestures to Bucky, "you feel okay?"

Another strange expression crosses Bucky's face, "I.. uh— I feel fine honestly. Just like you. Got nicked on my arm. But other than that, just sore and achy."

"You say that like it's a bad thing…"

Bucky shakes his head and looks over at Steve, "no, just a weird eerie feeling. I think more happened. But like I said, Steve is being tight lipped."

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah," Bucky juts his thumb towards Morita, "Jim says Steve gave him his mask after Morita's took a bullet. So Steve took massive doses of the gas before the hostiles were cleared."

Clint fees dread, "massive doses?"

"Lethal doses. Ten times over. Or that's what Morita implies. I think Steve was in worse shape but he's healed a bit. He's got massive bruising from burst blood vessels around his eyes, and he was coughing up blood. But he's acting fine."

Clint narrows his eyes, "acting?"

"Pretending like he's not hurt or injured. I tried to examine him and he got all testy about it. But Castle will make sure he's examined. So It's not worth fighting over."

"What else did Morita say?"

"He doesn't remember much. Got clocked on the temple with the butt of a rifle."

"What about Blaze?"

"Got pushed off a step ledge into a small crevice and knocked out. Steve pulled him out."

Bucky's tone is taking on a knowing tone, like he's waiting for Clint to catch up. "Castle?"

"Two bullets to his vest. One to his neck. Passed out from blood loss. Woke up in the cave stitched and bandaged."

"By Steve?"

"Yep."

Disbelief fills him. "So you're telling me, Steve had a hand in saving every single one of our asses?"

Bucky nods. "Yep." He pops the 'p' sound in a way that makes Clint know he's annoyed.

"So only Steve was conscious the whole time and could tell us the whole story….?"

"Yep."

"And he's being tight lipped about it?"

"Yep."

"So it must have been really shitty."

Bucky sighs, leaning back against the metal of the cargo hold, "yep."

—-

Steve wakes. Quietly and without fanfare. He doesn't move or shift or change his breathing. He can hear how the rest are being quiet on purpose. Trying to let him sleep.

"When we land, he has to go to medical." Bucky is saying. "He needs a massive amount of food, and as much sleep as possible."

"He needs to be debriefed—" Castle starts.

"No." Clint says sharply. "Not right away. We get our leave. He's not going to forget anything—"

"Protocol states—"

"Fuck your protocol." Is Morita's harsh response. Surprising everyone into silence.

He must look something fierce because Blaze's voice is questioning and hesitant, "Morita?"

"Steve gets leave. Debrief after. You got it?" Is all Morita responds with.

"I thought I was in charge here." Castle says, without any bitterness, just a bit of testing since Morita seems so volatile.

"You weren't in charge for the 26 hours he took care of you and everyone else on this team. So I think he's earned a break."

THere's a long silence and then Steve is the most surprised to hear Castle say, "okay. Debrief after."

He continues to pretend to be asleep until the plane lands.

—

Natasha watches her phone like a hawk. She even has it propped upon her bag with the screen facing her so she could see it light up with any notifications.

So far nothing.

They had arrived yesterday… Maybe they were getting settled or jet lag or something. Or may he and Tony had had business and Yelena was coming with Mrs. Stark.

She spins, leaps and then disappears into the wings, since her dance is finished.

—-

"I'm fine." Steve snaps, looking at him in annoyance.

"If you're fine." Bucky says for the fifteenth time, "then the nurse will confirm that."

As if on cue the nurse pauses and looks at a chart,. Then she flips to another chart and narrows her eyes.

"What?" Bucky asks, "what is it?"

She nods and gives a tight smile. "The doctor will be in to see you soon." THen she disappears out the door. Bucky turns slowly to Steve who is avoiding eye contact.

"I don't understand what you're keeping from me. You're obviously not dying, so wha—"

"I'm not keeping anything from you." Steve very obviously lies.

"Geez, Steve, what happened out there? Why won't you tell me?"

"Why do you want to make me relive it, huh? For your own morbid curiosity? You don't remember. Be grateful."

The words slip out because Steve immediately clams up after and grits his jaw.

Bucky slides the rolling chair closer, his arm still in a sling even though it doesn't really hurt anymore. "Steve, you're killing me here—" Steve winces and he frowns, "you can't be mad at me for asking. You're acting so strange, and I don't understand why. You gotta give me the benefit of the doubt. You know I just don't like seeing you upset—"

"I'm not upset."

Bucky snorts, "yeah, sure, okay."

Steve looks ready to fire back when the door opens and a doctor appears.

"Good afternoon gentlemen." The doctor says. "Mr. Barnes, would you mind stepping out for a minute?"

"No, I want to stay—"

"Bucky." Steve snaps, "just go. I'm fine. Okay?"

He doesn't believe it one bit. Maybe Steve will be fine physically, but mentally… something's wrong.

But he finds himself standing and slamming the door closed behind him. Hard. That will show them.

And then when he runs smack dab into Clint, eavesdropping at the door. He sputters "what are you doing?"

Clint looks at him in annoyance, then drags him down the hall out of the range of the door, "what the hell are you doing? Why did you leave?"

Bucky starts whispering harshly, "in case you didn't hear, I was kicked out!"

Clint groans and throws up his hands and then paces back to the door, making his steps silent. Bucky follows his lead. If Steve was listening, he might hear their heartbeats or breathing, but if he's distracted or still healing, he might not notice.

They both press their ears up against the door.

"—levels that would be concerning, very concerning with someone else."

"Yes, but I'm not someone else, and I'm fine."

"Your blood oxygen levels are dangerously low. And your blood sugar—"

"I'm fine." They hear Steve grit out, "I just need to eat and sleep."

"I see marks from Howard Stark and your private medical team, and I understand that. But even compared to those charts, which contain numbers I don't understand, your levels today, white blood cell, sugars, yoru blood volume level is especially concern—"

"Listen—" Steve says with a commanding tone he rarely uses, "I'm fine." They hear his boots thud to the ground. "I took a hit. Lost some blood. But I'm fine. I will be. But staying here and letting you poke and prod me is not what's going to make me better. Only rest, food, and more food is going to do that."

Suddenly he's being shoved backwards and Clint's hauling him away from the door.

But Steve's too quick. He glares at them as he exits, "I can hear you idiots breathing from a mile away." Then he stomps off the other direction.

"Yeesh." Clint huffs.

Then a strange realization strikes Bucky. He stands slowly, placing a hand on Clint's shoulder. "Clint."

His friend looks at him, tilting his head, "what?"

"Steve isn't acting weird in a 'I'm hurt and trying to hide it' way. He's acting like 'I did something wrong or I know something's wrong and I'm trying to hide it'."

Clint blinks, "huh?"

Bucky huffs and yanks Clint further down the hallway and back towards where they're planning to meet to leave. "When we first met Steve and he was hiding stuff about Mrs. Schmidt, he was still nice and kind and just nervous, right?"

"I mean… yeah. But he was also 14."

"Shh." Bucky snaps, "I'm explaining. But when he was sick and knew something was wrong, he was all kind of snappy and avoidant. Right? He hated lying and the whole secrecy thing and how we picked at it made him grumpy." He points down the direction where Steve disappeared. "That's him being avoidant and grumpy."

Clint takes a minute to think about it. Then he shrugs, "okay… but what is he hiding?" Clint asks, "or what did he do wrong?"

"Or…" Bucky says slowly, "what does he think he did wrong?"