XXX
They were children. Small, troublesome, mischievous and still relatively naïve. Back when Ace thought he had the whole world figured out. When he tried to avoid personal relationships because he viewed them as too much of a hassle. Back when he tried to steer clear of everyone. Well almost everyone. Two people in particular seemed to have worked their way through his defenses. But after losing Sabo. Having to deal with, for the first time in his life, what felt like a molten hot sword work it's way through his entire chest before ripping his heart open. After that he decided that he didn't want to go through that again. He never wanted to experience that pain a second time. He had decided then that Sabo and Luffy would be his first and last mistakes. But he was never all that good at following his own advice.
And now he felt like he was precariously balanced at the precipice of losing absolutely everything-
But he didn't want to think about that right now. So instead he played with his little brother. Like the little kids they used to be when they had first met. They were playing pirates. Just like the old days. Only this time they were playing on a real pirate ship. But not just any pirate ship. No, the one they had chosen was the largest and most impressive on the seas. It was also Ace's home…. Or used to be. But no, he already decided that he wasn't going to think about that! About any of it. Not about Marco or Oyaji, his crewmates or friends…. So he didn't. Instead he gestured for Luffy to come over to him.
"Yea?"
Luffy, no older than seven, wondered over and Ace smiled softly at him.
"Look at this." He told him picking his brother up and placing him on the great railing of the ship so he could look out at the great expanse all around them. A breathtaking sight that Ace had somehow become immune to.
"Wooow!" Luffy breathed as he took in the ocean, the shimmering reflection, the smell of salt and ocean mist.
"It's amazing!"
"Yea," Ace agreed looking out at it once more. Yea it really was. When had he started taking the sight for granted?
The two looked out at it a moment longer until Luffy began to wiggle, a sign of wanting to be let down. Ace complied, helping him off the railing and back onto the deck.
As he did he caught sight of the storm clouds behind them. They seemed to be following the ship where ever they went. Never quite over taking the sky but impossible to outrun. Bad weather, he knew, made for some bad sailing.
He turned as Luffy tugged on his shorts to get his attention.
"Ace?"
"Yea?"
"Why haven't you saved me yet?" Luffy asked.
It was an innocent question but it had the effect of knocking the air out of his lungs as he stared down at his brother.
"Lu…" He started but Luffy cut him off.
"Your close right! You're coming to get me." He looked out at the ocean around them. "So you can show this to me for real?"
Ace shut his eyes turning away, "I'm trying." He promised.
"Trying?" Luffy repeated confused. "What does that mean?"
"I'm, we're- we're working on it."
"You're working on it?" He repeated, sounding unimpressed. An unnatural tone for the usually cheerful kid.
"It's my whole life?" He told him. "You're working on it?" He shook his head the confusion turning to anger.
"You're not even trying are you?"
Ace moved to grab his shoulder but he pulled away.
"I am I promise."
"How would I know that? How do I know you're doing anything?" He was getting angrier.
"Luffy…" Ace said unsure of what to say.
"What!" The boy demanded fire coming back into his eyes. "You're not strong enough, not brave enough."
"Luf-,"
"What Ace!" The boy snapped. "What do you have to say to me!"
When Ace didn't reply Luffy dropped his head down against his chest, the sudden silence between them was far worse than the anger.
"Is it-," He began. "Is it that you don't care enough about me?"
Ace shot up quickly. "No!" He protested.
"It is isn't it?"
He tilted Luffy's chin up gently with his finger, forcing the other boy to look him in the eyes.
"That' not true Luffy. You have to know that."
Luffy shook his head free with a violent jolt.
"Isn't it?" He repeated.
"No," Ace breathed.
"Then where am I Ace!" Luffy was angry again. "Do you know! Come find me."
"I don't," Ace began but he was cut off again.
"You can't can you!" Luffy was shouting now. "You were supposed to look out for me. You were supposed to protect me! You promised Sabo!"
"Stop," Ace said.
"You Promised ME!"
When Ace reached out to grab his hand he pushed away from him like his touch would burn him.
"I'm Dying!" He screamed at the other. "I'm Dying Ace! Because of You. Because you and your cursed family. You left me!"
"I didn't!" Ace protested.
"You did!" Luffy's eyes burned with never seen before rage.
"You abandoned me! You're just the same as everyone else."
"I'm not!" But even as he said it he knew it wasn't true. He had abandoned his brother like the rest. And now this had happened. Because he had cared more about his dreams then his little brother.
"YES YOU ARE!" Luffy screamed. "I Wish I Never Met You! I Wish You Were Never Born!"
Ace stare back at him, feeling like a knife had been thrust into his chest. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't speak. All he could do was stare back brokenly at the little boy.
"I just wanted-," He took a shuttering breath. "I wanted to protect you." Above all else.
When the child spoke again the anger was gone. He sounded as broken as Ace was.
"Ace I'm scared." He admitted. "I don't want to die."
"I won't let you," Ace promised.
"But you don't even know where I am." He looked away from Ace bitterly. Over at the open ocean around them.
"It's not fair," He said his voice little more than a whisper now. "I was the one who wanted to live. I was the one who wanted so desperately for adventure. You- you didn't even want your life. Why do you get everything I can't have? You have so many people who care about you, you are free to live your dreams and live freely like we always talked about. You have everything I ever wanted." Luffy's eyes welled up with tears. "-and because of you I can't ever have it."
"Luffy no."
"I'm going to die," He sobbed. "Because of you." The tears began to roll down his childish cheeks.
"It's Not Fair! It should be you.
"I know," Ace told him softly. "I know."
"You ruin everything!" He cried trying to wipe the tears away as they fell. "Everything you touch turns bad, as bad as you are." He clumsily rubbed his eyes with his palm.
"Your going to hurt everyone," Sniff, "The way you hurt me- everyone around you-,"
"No!" Ace cut him off firmly. "I won't let anyone else get hurt."
"You couldn't stop them from taking me." The child told him. "You can't stop them now. Marco, Sabo, Whitebeard, Thatch, everything that happens to them is all because they got involved with you."
"That's not true!"
"Isn't it?"
"No!"
"Are you sure?"
Only this time Luffy's tone didn't sound right. It wasn't like him at all. It sounded more like…
-It sounded like Ace.
In the blink of an eye everything around them was gone. The boat, the ocean, the sky and the clouds. All replaced by inky blackness. And Luffy- no, not Luffy. It was just him now. Ace stared transfixed at what seemed to be his own reflection.
"I think you know it is true." The reflection told him.
"I think the only one here that deserves what's happening is you." He told himself.
"And now everyone you love has to die because you couldn't manage to off yourself when you were a kid." His reflection shook his head at the shame of it all.
"Maybe-," The reflection said and Ace held his breath. Unable to tear his eyes away from the sight before him.
"Maybe someone should just do it for you?"
And that's when Ace felt the hand on his shoulder. Grabbing at him, shaking him. And he screamed.
He forced his body to fight back, push against the intruder shoving them off him and knocking them both to the ground.
"-Ce!"
"NO!" He screamed, instincts flaring up as he pinned them down to the floor.
"ACE!"
He felt something collide with his collar bone succeeding in knocking the breath out of him as he tried to breathe through the pain. As he did he noticed someone was speaking to him. Not the rushed words of his would-be-murderer but the concerned words of a friend.
"Sabo?" He asked with a cough. Still feeling the impact.
"Ace?" Came his weary reply and all at once Ace realized two things; First off they weren't in the infinite blackness but instead just the dark room of the abandoned building they were staying at, and secondly he was currently on top of the other one. Pinning him down by his shoulders in a way that must be uncomfortable.
Ace stared at the other for a moment and Sabo stared back before reality seemed to crash down on Ace and he quickly scrambled back.
"Shit Sabo, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"
Sabo rose to his feet, looking much less concerned then most people would be in his situation. Instead he offered Ace a small smile.
"Hurt me?" He asked. "What am I a teacup? No," He told him seeing his face. "I'm fine you punch like my grandma."
"You never met your grandma," Ace told him honestly but Sabo ignored his 'fun facts' of the day to instead say, "I think I got you though."
Ace rubbed the spot sorely. "Yea," He admitted. "Definitely going to feel this one later. He looked around the darkened room. "What happened?"
"You had a nightmare."
Ace blinked back at him. "For real?" That was embarrassing.
Sabo nodded. "I think you're worried about Luffy. You kept saying his name in your sleep. And when I tried to wake you up you flipped out.
"Sorry," He groaned again. "Did I scare you?"
"You surprised me," Sabo amended.
"I'm just stressed."
"No you're completely worn out! You haven't had a good night's sleep or really eaten anything in days. And since the conversation with Blackbeard you have been so much worse!"
Ace made a face at that. He didn't really want to talk about that. He didn't want to talk about any of it. He remembered his dream vividly, the way Luffy had looked at him, how he had said the words that Ace had always wondered about but had never asked. Some of his deepest darkest fears, all dragged into the harsh light of day by his sadistic conscience. Even though a part of him wanted to deny it everything Luffy had said and everything Ace had said to himself, it was all real. There was no defense for any of it. No excuse for not having anything to say when Luffy had begged him for help that he didn't know how to give. His stomach rolled warningly at the thought.
"-Sabo," He said slowly. "I think I'm sick."
"Sick?"
But Ace didn't have any time to expand on the idea as he leaned to the side and violently threw up all over the splintered floor. Sabo managed to jump back just in time to avoid getting the very meager contents of Ace's stomach all over his boots.
He looked down at the puddle and back to Ace who made a face of distaste.
"You really are sick."
Ace wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "No I think you were right. I'm over doing it."
"Here," Sabo headed over to their stuff to pull out his canteen which he handed to Ace. The other accepted gratefully. He took a generous amount before handing it back to Sabo who was watching him carefully.
"What?" He asked wearily. He remembered that look from back when they were kids and it never ended well.
"I want to come with you tomorrow." Sabo told him outright.
"Come with me." Ace thought back to yesterday. What had felt like an eternity ago when he and Teach had a very long and invasive discussion. Just when he had thought this crappy situation couldn't get any worse. How wrong he had been.
He risked a glance up at Sabo who was still staring at him. He wasn't exactly sure how much the other had heard as he had been hiding somewhere in the broken down dust filled ceiling at the time. To be safe Ace had assumed it was pretty much everything. But the two of them hadn't gotten very far into discussing it before Ace passed out in what had to be a record breaking number of times in the span of a few days.
He sighed as he ran his fingers through his tangled mess of hair.
"You can't."
"Want to bet?"
"Listen Sabo, It's not that I don't really freaking need your help. I do. More than you realize. But you can't come with me. You know why."
When the other still didn't look swayed Ace was forced to continue.
"For starters I need you here."
"You can get someone else to do this." He argued, "This is more important!"
"No! It has to be you. You're the only one I trust to stay here. Not to overstate the issue but this kind of hits close to home for me. I really need to know that you're handling it! No one else. Please Sabo!"
"Ace," The other knelt down next to him so he could look him in the eye. "I get it really I do. I'm not trying to stress you out more then you already are because the last thing we need is for you to have another attack. But I'm going to be blunt okay?"
Ace nodded for him to continue.
"Well honestly I don't like where your head is at right now and I don't know if I trust you to do this."
"Okay ouch!"
Sabo sighed, "You're choosing to take this personally."
"Yea I don't know if you have noticed but all of this is kind of personal for me." Ace had always envied how calm Sabo was able to stay in situations like this. "It's not like some guy just waltzed into your life and made it his mission to rip everything you care about to shreds- and oh my god I think I am going to be sick again."
"No!" Sabo said quickly reaching forward to put both his hands on either side of his face, forcing the tired grey eyes to meet his own.
"Listen to me Ace! I'm not blaming you, nor am I judging you and I am certainly not underestimating you. You're trying to do your best in an impossible situation and if I can't relate it's only because a month ago I didn't think I had a personal life so this is all kind of new to me but I am trying. When I say that I don't trust you to do this it's because I honestly don't know if you can? I don't know if I could if the roles were reversed."
"I can do this!" Ace told him determined. "I have to do this."
"But that's just it. No you don't. What do you think I am here for?"
"No," He shook his head. "You can't come."
"Why!"
"I told you why. I need you here. What's more is your right okay! I might fuck this up. I might fail and I honestly don't know what will happen then. But just in case something happens to me. I need to know that you are still safe and you can save Luffy.
"Ace!"
"Please!" He begged feeling his stomach turn again.
"That's the problem!" Sabo said his tone a bit louder. 'In case something happens to me!' What does that mean? Are you planning on not coming back."
"Of course not! I just mean anything can happen."
The blonde made a frustrated noise as he turned to look away to think it over. Ace watched him impatiently waiting for his reply.
"Fine!" Sabo said turning once again to face him.
"You'll do it!"
"I'll stay here if that's what you mean."
Ace let out of sigh of relief. But instantly tensed again as Sabo continued.
"-But that doesn't mean I'm just going to leave you. Either you make sure this goes perfectly or I am charging in there to get you back."
"Damn you!"
"Do you know what you're asking?" He asked him incredulously.
"You signed on to save Luffy! All I'm asking is that if something happens to me you save him like we planned. It's what you wanted!" Ace snapped his voice steadily growing louder.
"Without You!"
"I Don't MATTER!"
"UURG," Sabo made a noise of frustration as he stormed away in anger. Crossing the room in a few short strides to stare out the boarded window.
"You're impossible!" He told him angrily.
"Because you know I'm right." Ace told him.
"I know you're an idiot!"
"Sab, please." Ace tried the anger in his tone gone now. "Just promise you are going to save Luffy."
"I told you I would!"
"Really?"
"Yes! We are going to save him together."
"I'm trying to be realistic!" Ace told him.
"So am I!"
"So what?" He asked pushing himself onto unsteady feet. "You in all your glory are going to storm in alone and- take on the entire crew of the Whitebeard pirates? Yea okay Sabo."
He made the frustrated noise again as he protested, "Obviously not like that!"
"So like what then? Because so far your great plan sounds like it is going to end up with both of us sitting in a cell twiddling our fingers- all the while Lu is out there waiting for us to save him!"
"Well I guess I can't get caught then."
"It's not really something you can control!" Ace shot back. "And I don't want to take that risk when the gamble is Luffy! I told you that we need you to be here and free!"
"You're asking too much!"
"I'm Asking You To Follow The Plan YOU Made!"
"You're asking," Sabo said working to keep his tone level. "For me to abandon you if things go south."
"So what if I am?"
"I can't do that!"
"WHY!" Ace cried.
That seemed to finally snap Sabo's temper as he yelled, "I Don't Know OKAY!" He took a deep breath. "I know it might be strategical or whatever the hell you said. But I don't think I could bear to just leave you to the whims of the pirates you just pissed off. This-" He gestured abstractly to his chest, "All of this is new to me. And I know I don't remember things the way you do but this isn't naïve little ten year old Sabo talking, this is me and I'm saying that for the first time in my life I can't just blindly put the mission first."
"Why not," Ace pleaded.
Sabo's infinite blue eyes searched his face for a moment before he turned away seemingly embarrassed.
"I'll stay here," He said softly. "But I am going to back you up if you need help. Even if it means starting a war between the Whitebeards and revolutionaries."
Ace opened his mouth to protest that but one look from the other and he thought better of it.
"I don't want anyone else getting hurt," He said finally.
"Neither do I but that is the price of my help."
There would be no winning this one. Ace opened his mouth to give quiet agreement but instead he heard himself whisper, "I don't want to do this alone."
"Ace, what I'm trying to get through your head is that you aren't alone."
And Ace, in that moment, thought that he finally understood how Luffy felt all those years ago, back when he was just a scrawny unwanted child.
"You'll stay with me?" His voice sounded hoarse even to his own ears.
Sabo nodded.
"Promise? You won't lie to me."
"I recently learned that I can't lie to you." He told him with a soft smile. Ace had informed him of that when he tried to lie about some well-meaning eavesdropping. Ace had called it his built-in-Sabo-lie-dar. That apparently only worked on him.
He nodded, "You can't. I can always tell with you." Even after all these years Ace could read Sabo as easily as he could his own thoughts.
"Then you know I'm telling the truth when I say that I won't. I'll stay with you as long as you want me to. I'm on your side no matter what."
"On my side?"
"I mean I decided to help you, even if it hurts me."
"Why?"
Sabo shrugged, "Because I feel like it." He told him simply. That was the easiest way he knew how to explain it without the conversation becoming embarrassing for him. Ace was right when he said they didn't really talk about their feelings. Both of them were god awful at it. Ace just started screaming and apparently Sabo couldn't even broach the topic without growing noticeably red.
But apparently that was a term they could both accept as the other nodded. "Me too then."
"You what?"
"I am going to help you even if it hurts me."
"Oh," Sabo said dumbly. "I didn't really mean it as the type of thing you had to reciprocate."
"I know," Ace told him with a smile. "I just felt like it. Deal with it."
He smiled back at him. "Alright. I guess we are our own side then."
"The side of idiots. Two members and counting"
"Looks that way." Only idiots would willingly go up against the Whitebeards and Teach's gang with just the two of them to deal with the extraordinary backlash they were going to unleash.
"Now go to bed. I wasn't kidding when I said I was worried about you."
"But-,"
"But," Sabo told him as he took his hand and pulled him back over to the tangled blankets. "You have to get some sleep for tomorrow." He pushed Ace down gently onto them.
"Because you have a really important job to do tomorrow. And you are going to do it perfectly because-," He put his palm over Ace's face when he tried to get up and forcefully pushed him to lie down.
"You have my full confidence that you will succeed."
"I told you I can tell when you lie."
"You have seventy percent of my confidence that you will succeed." He amended. "The other thirty percent thinks we are all going to die. But don't think too much about that. Now does that lie-dar thing work both ways?"
Ace just shrugged. He really didn't know and he wanted to get back to the 'all going to die thing.'
"So if I asked when you were planning on telling me that Luffy's dad was Dragon! You would give me an honest answer. Because that seems like a really freaking important detail you left out."
"Would you believe me if I told you that it slipped my mind."
"It slipped your mind." Sabo repeated.
"Yea, I mean I never thought of it as a big deal until now. It is just something the old man told me years ago only once. I never thought anyone was going to find out. And I never thought things were going to end up like this. I mean its Luffy we are talking about. Not some great revolutionary legacy or what not…It's just him- no matter how crazy his family is. You know."
Sabo stared at him for a moment before he sighed again. "I think I actually do know. But- umm should I tell my boss about this? I kind of feel like there is a slight possibility that Teach, the master of the details apparently, is going to try to capitalize on this."
"Yea," He agreed. "That might be a good idea. How is he going to take it?"
"I really don't know. I mean it is his kid."
Ace laughed at that and Sabo turned to look at him.
"Luffy is our kid." He corrected. "We were the ones who have been looking out for him and fixing his problems for him since he was a little snot nosed seven year old who cried all the freaking time." It was their beds he had crawled into when he was upset, and it was them who he came running too when he wanted to show them whatever freaky thing he found in the jungle, and they were the ones who he hid behind whenever he was scared.
"I didn't see anyone else out there with us willing to help. So as far as I am concerned everyone else can take a long walk off a short dock."
"You do not like Dragon," Sabo remarked.
Ace just shrugged. "He abandoned him," he said simply.
His parents, troublesome as they were, at least had an excuse for not being there. But for anyone to have a sweet innocent little kid like Luffy and then just leave him? Without even explaining why. Without even knowing him or meeting him. Yea they were on Ace's black list all right.
"I'll tell him you said that." Sabo teased.
"Do it! But tell him that if he wants a shot at me he has to get in line behind a whole lot of people that I am about to piss off."
XXX
So if some of you are confused about what Ace and Teach talked about and what they are doing, Good! That's the point. You didn't miss a chapter I am just going to go into it later, but for right now it is a secret.
So in theory this was the other half of chapter 22 but it got too long so I had to cut it there. But then this chapter got too long so I had to cut it off again! But the good news is chapter 24 is like 90% done. So I will post it in a couple of days so you guys shouldn't have to wait too long. It was about Luffy and Thatch and what Teach has been planning this whole time.
If you guys are wondering why this story is taking me so long it's because of this! I try to write one chapter and it somehow gets multiplied by three. Way back when I started this story I didn't really care about my idea. I just wanted to write it and move on. So it was supposed to be a pretty strait forward plot. But I guess everyone else being inexplicably excited about it made me really excited about it and now I am way too invested, and I keep doing my best to make it an even better story (with varying levels of success). So I am sorry it is slow going. But hopefully, if you bear with me, I will try my best to make it worthwhile. Because I am really excited to keep writing!
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Sophia Mendes-Coruja: It's What I'm here for : )
Smiley-Nami: Thank you
xXxWolvesInTheNightxXx: Aw thanks, I'm really glad you liked it. They certainly have opposing viewpoints. That's nice to say, I like to think I am getting better. But I also care more now than I did back then haha.
DemonKittyAngel: Aw, That is so nice. Yea. I want them to get together too but unfortunately some things need to happen first for it to make sense and I seem of having a way of making things longer then they need to be. More work for me : (
Yes! Hopefully a lot of the plots and plans are going to start playing out and everyone can see how the rest of the story is going to unfold with all the different groups beginning to close in on each other. Yea, a lot more of Whitebeard from now on. Yea Teach is overextending himself. But it is kind of his game. Haha Harry Potter reference for the win. No, but as you can probably infer from this chapter Ace already feels awful even without hearing Luffy ask for him. I will fix things! But I am going to make them worse first because I don't have a soul? Same here apparently, otherwise this would be a different story.
More Thatch/ Luffy next chapter! They are certainly getting close. Just like Teach wants. Yes, they definitely can and would. I would also join it just while we are doing a headcount. I think he is a sweetheart.
Ha nice definition. I have had to do that a lot and no one was as amused, you definitely win for creativity and making me laugh.
Kitsune Foxfire: I would feel bad for him if cannon him didn't kill Ace! But yea, I think there is some kindness deficit there. Haha taking bets. I actually don't know about that. We shall see!
choco-muncher100: Yea : (
SoulMore: Thanks!
SakuraKoi: Thanks, I think?
Jordansdevil: Yes it will.
Mel72000: Of course! And yea this might impact him later.
Fluffypuppies: Yea, he is struggling. Help is slowly working itself out. Yes! Ace will defend him with everything he has. Gaarp is a maybe. Of course!
yukino76: Me too! That's why he is always the antagonist in all my stories! Soon-ish?
Guest #1: Yes! I am really glad you liked it. And I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully things improve for you. Life can be cruel. Yes! Sabo and Ace are in this one.
Akai-Tsubasa136: !
MayaHikari: Something like that. Stupid navy, taking the whole justice concept a bit too far. That's fair. I am sorry this story bummed you out. I forget sometimes that it is super different writing sad stuff and having to read it. I hope you come back to it one day when it begins to lighten up. I promise it will. Just not right now.
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