II) Another world
(Ep. X-XIII - while Eun Seob is recovering at the hospital in Corea)
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Gon POV:
Eun Seob got shot.
Eun Seob got shot - and not as collateral damage; but by willingly placing himself between Gon and a bullet coming for him.
Eun Seob got shot - both because of Gon and instead of Gon; and Gon cannot decide which feels worse. Not that it matters: it is his fault, anyway.
Gon is after all the one responsible for taking Eun Seob to Corea. The Jo-Jo exchange had been his idea: Gon had been so keen on having Yeong in Korea while he'd be home - hunting Lee Lim in both worlds simultaneously. It had seemed a neat plan. Well, obviously, and sadly, Gon had miscalculated the risks it had brought upon Eun Seob.
In his defense, Gon had actually been targeted only once in his life - that fateful night. The Palace had truly been dreading new attempts against his life in the following weeks, months, years; but it had progressively ebbed away - first after Lee Lim's (supposed) death, and then as no attack ever came. (It was clear now that his uncle's followers had simply been ordered to keep a low profile, biding their time until Lee Lim would judge it the right moment to strike.) So, even though no one had ever really stopped worrying about Lee Lim's zealots one day coming after Gon (even though Gon hadn't known by then exactly *how much* some people were actually worrying, as they knew things he didn't); and even though security had always been imperative (Gon *is* the state's symbol and incarnation, and so will always be its first to-hit target), and that said security had always been taken really seriously, of course: Gon's most openly fervent adversaries nowadays, and for over a decade, are anti-royalists (and not Lee Lim's partisans); and they are debating pacifists, not lunatics set on actually coming for Gon's blood. And that had blinded Gon in overconfidence, apparently.
So. No matter his own traumatic experience (or maybe because of it?), there is apparently still a huge difference between knowing about hypothetical risks, and being for real confronted to them anew. And sadly, yes, Gon *had* underestimated the situation. He had not only never truly realized that *he* might fall; he had also never truly realized that *someone else* might fall - and for him. You bet Gon shouldn't and wouldn't make fun about Yeong's concerns, next time Yeong would ask him to wear a ballistic vest.
But now, Eun Seob had paid the price for his decision. To say that Gon feels guilty is an understatement. It is not only Eun Seob Gon had let down by bringing him to Corea. But also Tae Eul. And Yeong. Not even mentioning Eun Seob's cherished family; nor his precious Na Ri.
Thankfully, the shot had hit the vest. And there was no major nor lasting injury.
Gon's hands can't help but shake again though at the thought of how easily it could have been otherwise.
Eun Seob could have died.
Quickly followed by another dreadful thought.
At the moment it had happened, that specific thought hadn't crossed Gon's mind. It had been Eun Seob unconscious in his arms; Eun Seob for who Gon had honestly worried. But later on? As what had happened had kept playing back in slow motion in his head, as Gon's eyes had kept mentally running over *that face* with concern; it had hit Gon right in his guts, acrid nausea rising up his throat.
It could have been Yeong.
Worse, even.
It might be Yeong; someday.
Once more, the old theoretical and somehow heart-warming knowledge that Yeong would be ready to die for him is *nothing*, compared to the new devastating reality of its actual possibility, now that Gon had indeed been confronted with it.
Please, Gon can't help but pray anew. Please; no.
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Eun Seob POV:
King Arthur - His Majesty - has just agreed Eun Seob is his Unbreakable Sword too. And this time, it sounds nothing but sincere, and entirely based on recognition and gratitude actually directed at Eun Seob. And it feels true, and right, and good; beyond the personal gratification and boost it gives to Eun Seob's self-esteem. It still feels stolen, somehow. Eun Seob shouldn't have asked for validation; and His Majesty shouldn't have agreed. No one but Yeong should be granted that grand (stupid) title that encompasses all of Yeong's life.
Eun Seob *knows* though that His Majesty isn't unaware of that fact either to start with - and that's what matters in the end. Eun Seob knows too much; has seen too much with his own eyes (right from the beginning - the way King Arthur had looked at him as they had met; as he had believed Eun Seob to be someone else? - and so repeatedly, since he has arrived in Corea) and has been told too much by Yeong, to doubt any of it. His Majesty had used to watch and play Pokemon with Yeong until he had been over 16; if that wasn't a neon sign of His Majesty's affection for Eun Seob's older-twin-little brother from another world, huh...
And honestly, Eun Seob is grateful for it. Yeong deserves no less. Yeong deserves everything.
Because His Majesty is ruling over Yeong's heart even more effectively and supremely than over his Kingdom, Eun Seob had quickly realized - as Yeong had completely laid himself open to him, while coaching him for their temporary switch. Even more: His Majesty is sole ruler over Yeong's heart. No close bond with his parents (even though there is definitely love between the three of them (and deep felt gratitude on Yeong's part for them having allowed him to stay at the Palace when they had divorced) they definitely aren't as close as Eun Seob and his own parents are), nor with any other living relative; and no siblings; no Na Ri; no close friends even (besides His Majesty; but His Majesty belongs to a category of his own and cannot count as a friend, by definition) - mostly trusted colleagues that Yeong appreciates foremost because he judges them devoted enough to His Majesty by his own standards; and one cherished grandmother figure running the Palace...
It had been frightening, honestly, to understand how much his counterpart's well-being apparently depended on His Majesty's well-being; how His Majesty meant obviously and literally *everything* to Yeong. There had been though only freely and proudly given love evident on Yeong's face and voice, as he had had Eun Seob not only taking notes about everyone and everything in The Kingdom, but more importantly, as he had shamelessly exposed his whole soul bare for Eun Seob to see; showing him not only who His Majesty was and how to tend to him and how to read him in order to perform the best he could; but also *why* Eun Seob *should* perform the best he could.
There had been life altering (for the both of them) conversations between them; full of honest openness and sincere vows.
And Eun Seob can't help but recall one of their exchanges; eyeing His Majesty who really should know better - and who Eun Seob will have know better, before seeing Yeong again.
/
"I'll do my utmost best to take care of your family, and Myeong Na Ri, and even Lt. Jeong Tae Eul - even though I'm pretty sure Kang Sin Jae is always on this anyway. Just... Please; try not to forget. You'll always wear a ballistic vest. His Majesty won't."
And that had felt... plain stupid?
"Why not?"
"Because His Majesty is The King."
As if that was both reason and excuse enough - and Eun Seob had made a face. But; in Yeong's mind, it truly was, apparently:
"It is The Royal Guard's duty and honor to worry in His Majesty's place; and it's worth it, if it means His Majesty feels free and safe enough to be more careless than I'd rather have sometimes."
And honestly, what could Eun Seob reply to that...
"Have you ever been shot at?"
Eun Seob hadn't been able not to ask. It hadn't felt like Yeong's Corea was an actual war zone; at least, it hadn't been for a long time. But Eun Seob deserved to know exactly where he was going, right?
"Not really."
Eun Seob had frowned - what kind of answer was that? Yeong had ducked his head, then met his gaze anew.
"Once. Not on the field, though. I asked the former Captain to take a shot at my vest, soon after he'd named me his successor."
Eun Seob is sure his eyes had bulged out of their sockets this time.
"What? Why?"
A shrug - as if it was nothing; no more worth mentioning than an insect sting.
"I had to know. How it felt. For how long I could still function before eventually blacking out. That kind of things..."
A pleading yet commanding gaze:
"His Majesty doesn't know. And I'd appreciate for it to remain so."
"How can he (a glare - even though Eun Seob hadn't been able to discern whether it was more about the use of the pronoun, or about the facts that Yeong would *never* talk that way, and that Eun Seob should practice already about talking like he usually did in order to blend in; Eun Seob had corrected himself anyway) His Majesty not know? You're always together, you said. Even you can't be Superman, right..."
"It's not on record. Only the former Captain and one doctor he trusts who works at another hospital than the Royal Hospital know; they won't tell. I wore an arm sling for over a week, making up a story about having taken a bad fall while training. His Majesty was surprised, because I've truly learned how to fall, and long ago, indeed; but His Majesty believed it anyway - there had been some precedent of clumsiness. I had cut myself at the wrist, once - training with a knife about how to get out of rope while my hands were tied behind my back. It hadn't been that bad, actually; even though I still wear a scar. But there had been quite some blood, and His Majesty had seen it before it had been cleaned, and... His Majesty had come over bewildered, and pretty adamant about ordering me to never cut myself again - as if it was actually in His Majesty's power to keep me safe from harm just by speaking out loud... (an odd smile - sad yet fulfilled; grateful yet resigned - appearing on Yeong's face before it turned serious once more right after it) That's why His Majesty must not know."
"Yet, then you went and had you be shot at anyway?"
Another shrug.
"A gun is a piercing weapon; not a slashing one."
As if such technical justification could actually mean anything. Especially as a dagger/knife was a piercing weapon too to start with; a fact Eun Seob just knew Yeong was aware of too.
But, once more, what could Eun Seob reply to that...
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Gon POV:
"I didn't do it for your sake only, you know", his newly self-anointed second Unbreakable Sword suddenly confesses, mere seconds after having being granted its title.
Eun Seob's gaze is nothing but honest, and concerned - concerned about Yeong.
It's not a surprise. Gon had understood this on his own already. Eun Seob had bolted *away*, after all, last time Gon had been in (relative, compared to now) danger. Gon's safety hadn't come before his own at the time, huh. And Eun Seob had even *refused* to be his Unbreakable Sword, when Gon had offered the first time - as an apology, and out of misplaced nostalgia and longing. They hadn't spent that much time together, all in all, before coming to Corea. And even if Gon believes that they have come to know and appreciate each other much more since Eun Seob has been impersonating Yeong, Gon understands that their bond still cannot compare to the one Eun Seob and Yeong must share. They both had to truly open up to each other; in order to make the switch successful. And starting with the fact that they are intrinsically the same, at the core - in their souls, minds, hearts, and guts? Well, Gon is familiar enough with Yeong's unflinching devotion and unwavering willingness to protect who matters to him, right. So. As Eun Seob *must* just know by now what Gon means to Yeong? Of course he's willing to take a bullet to protect Gon instead of running away: not because Eun Seob might have grown to actually admire Gon or wish him to be safe (because he would still have acted exactly the same even if he hadn't), but because it is protecting Yeong.
"I know", answers Gon. "I'm grateful all the same. Maybe even more so. It's nice to know that Yeong has someone so faithful on his side."
"I'm not the one who's usually at his side though."
There's an accusation in Eun Seob's eyes, quickly replaced by a plea:
"Just, take care of him; will you?"
"Always", Gon sincerely pledges. "As far as he'd let me; at least. He's very stubborn."
This is a fact Eun Seob is aware of enough too, as he simply sighs.
"Especially on that matter; for sure. It would help though, if you could be more careful about yourself, you know."
It's now Gon's time to sigh. It's strange - being relentlessly scolded by someone wearing Yeong's face (who's never been anything but compliant to his every whim, and expresses occasional disagreement with meaningful eyes and silence only); and not Lady Noh's. He knows though that it's done with both good intentions and good reasons; and that on that particular subject, it's apparently painfully long overdue.
"I'll wear a ballistic vest from now on."
Because Gon had realized that it wasn't because he wouldn't want to have to wear one for his own sake that he wouldn't and shouldn't want to wear one for Yeong's sake. Looking at the situation that way, it was really simple.
"Seriously? I mean... After he's back too?"
"Yes."
That earns him a really huge smile.
"Good."
Gon has never seen such a smile on Yeong's adult face; in a way, it looks weird. Gon *loves* Yeong's witty, knowing, satisfied quick little smile - eyes twinkling, if you knew where to look. And Gon *loves* Yeong's timid, slow, precious, one-sided smile - the one when he feels all warmed-up inside. You bet though Gon would love too to see such a huge smile on Yeong's face now, at least once - weird or not. And even more... There's a dull pang at his heart as Gon wills to hear Yeong's laugh - and realizes he cannot remember the last time he has heard it.
"And be patient with Tae Eul."
Gon is brought back to the present. The nerve (and bravery) Eun Seob has, huh.
"You might not be used to have to *wait*, but... Noona is happy with her life at home, you know..."
"I've been waiting for her since I was 8, actually. So. My waiting was done the moment I met her. I am not wishing for anything more but for a place in her life, in any capacity she might see fit."
"Ok. Good. You passed that test too. So now I can tell you; that Noona is even happier with her life since you came in the picture."
Here it is: another big smile - with a wink and a thumb-up even this time. And here it is, again: a fierce wish to see Yeong pulls that too, if just once...
Then Eun Seob sobers up.
"Even though, it takes a toll on her; when you're not around - now that I know you're the reason for it..."
And that hurts.
"Will you take care of her for me then; when I'm not around?"
A tilt of his head. A deadpan look. This looks very, very much like Yeong, this time.
"We already do; Dumbo. And that's also *not* for your sake only."
Again. The nerve (and bravery) Eun Seob has, huh. The most courageous though is not the terrible nickname; Gon knows. It's the *we* - daring to include Kang Sin Jae in there and remembering Gon that the insufferable detective belongs in Tae Eul's life too...
"Thank you."
And Gon means it. Still. Despite the 'we'.
/
Eun Seob helps him catch another of Lee Lim's followers without a sweat, as if being menacing and lethally effective is just who he is 24/7. And then, he tosses the gun away with disgust, before running to Gon for safety as a toddler would as thunder strikes. Eun Seob's innocence and trust (which Gon isn't sure Eun Seob would still feel, if he knew...) pulls at Gon's heart. And Gon can't help but think that it feels *right* that Eun Seob (nor Tae Eul) doesn't seem to know exactly what has been going on during the last days - thanks no doubt to sleep, medication, and isolation, being in a hospital and all. Let him keep basking in sunshine; keep any creeping darkness far away. Let him keep deeming it fitting to call Gon 'King Arthur'. Because there's just something precious about Eun Seob; something that should be protected. Eun Seob's soul, blissfully unaware.
And once more, Gon is truly grateful that Yeong hasn't been around; has been nowhere near the battlefields of those last days - no matter the gnawing day-by-day growing hole his prolonged absence bores in Gon's heart. Not one member of The Royal Guard had expressed reserves, when he had given the orders. So. Yeong. So ready to die for him. No doubt he would have been ready to kill for him, too. In truth: he has even already agreed to...
And Gon sincerely wishes to be the one who will find and terminate Lee Lim; a chill once more running down Gon's spine at having ordered Yeong to kill Lee Lim on sight - and knowing it to be an order Yeong has decided to obey. Lee Lim *mustn't* live on - a fact actually based on more than Gon's personal reasons. To start with, Lee Lim hasn't only killed Gon's Father; hasn't even only killed His King. He has killed so many more; and has compelled so many more to kill so many others. Lee Lim is truly a danger, for both worlds, still, after so many years - and he would then just always be, if not stopped. Then, Lee Lim is already dead - and therefore can never get officially judged nor punished for all his crimes without revealing matters that just shouldn't be revealed. And so, as Yeong is the one Gon trusts the most, always, and with everything (keeping the parallel universes secret and understanding the necessity of the dirty task included, then), and as Gon just cannot be at two places at once (and if Gon has to rely on someone for anything that matters that much, that someone will of course be Yeong), yes: Gon has indeed ordered Yeong to kill Lee Lim on sight, even without imminent threat to Gon.
But now that Gon actually has blood on his hands? Gon would shed it anew - all of it - he knows; even if he could turn back time - this isn't about regret nor remorse. Still. Now? Gon just doesn't want *Yeong* to ever have to shed any. And so, it feels important, to Gon, that Yeong had been spared any implication in those last days events. Some consolation that just feels *right*. Because there's just something precious about Yeong; something that should be protected. Yeong's soul, thankfully untainted.
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AN:
Hello again :)
(And thanks for the kuddos and comments etc, it means the Manpasikjeok to me!)
First: I honestly don't believe Lee Gon has actually been feeling unsafe while growing up (the trauma he still has from the aftermath of that fateful night excepted, of course). He jokes around wayyyyyy too much - both about not needing a ballistic vest (nor any kind of security to start with) and about beheading people every 5 minutes for him to not only actually mean it but even simply realize the weight of his words; for him to have truly been exposed to danger or beheading before. He just intrinsically believes that nothing truly bad will happen, neither to him nor to the ones protecting him (it makes sense too: he's a survivor after all - and so just trusts he will always survive, no matter what; because he did survive then, and every day since then, without any other truly dangerous situation); just as he imo honestly believes he would never come to actually behead someone. He only teases persons he actually *loves* about beheading them; and it's never 'I could' or 'I should' behead you that they hear then, but always and only 'I would never' (even though it is in my power). And does it shatter my heart that he will never be able to be that carefree and (idiotically) free spoken from now on? YOU BET.
Then: MY HEART. I swear Yeong & Eun Seob is the bro ship I never knew I needed until it just hit me straight in the guts. Those two are just so damn *precious* together. We were robbed. They should have had much more on-screen interaction. Their goodbye scene just gutted me, literally - my soul's entrails and blood gooeying all over the floor. I just love them, your Honor. They are SO different while being SO exactly the same, at the core. And they are SO soft (hearted - MY HEART!) while SO strong - not only physically, but even more so strong-willed and so true to themselves. Look at Yeong knowing at 4 exactly what he wants in his life and ordering everything (himself included) around this goal to just achieve it. Look at Eun Seob's constant dedication to play the clown and be the shining bright comfort and laugh in the lives of his loved ones, even though he easily proves time and time again he could easily be otherwise - if he wanted to; but he doesn't: being so dramatically and apparently so stupidly over the top is his *choice* - and it requires inner strength indeed to keep living at such a level against the current of 'normalcy'. (And imo, even after the last reset, even if it's maybe a bit more subdued, it's still abundantly there.) Also, it gives him 'an excuse' to be pretty much forward and free-mouthed about everything, and you bet he uses this shamelessly whenever he judges things should be said. So of course here I had to have him be, literally, the court jester. MY DARING ENDEARING CUTIE PIE. Eun Seob is definitely NOT weak. He is just as strong as Yeong; only in another way. (Also, after having seen so many ready to kill their alter ego and supplant them, and after having seen how in truth Eun Seob could 'play' Yeong - could be rich and famous and have a f#$%$ KING wrapped around his little finger - it is just (b)right to see Eun Seob just going 'no, thank you, I'd rather be a goofy nobody with the people I love, because THAT's what matters'...) That being said, Yeong and Eun Seob are both no heroes - they are not willing to save the entire world. But they would do literally anything and everything to protect their own world - their loved ones. Always. No matter what. Whatever the cost. And instinctively. They're total cuties; but the FORCE of their love is not only visceral but downright FERAL, and real, and beautiful, and meaningful. AM I SCREAMING? YOU BET.
Also: IMO in his head Eun Seob by now is trying to stick to 'His Majesty' when thinking about Gon - in part because he's grown to actually admire him, indeed; but mostly out of respect for Yeong - MY HEART. It doesn't mean though that Eun Seob feels obliged to call him 'Pyeha' when there is no one else from the Kingdom around - 'you' is enough, then (because that's how they used to interact before Eun Seob knew the thruth, and maybe because Gon told him it wasn't necessary anyway when it was just the two of them - maybe (by the way, all those 'maybe's are nothing but personal headcanons, in case it wasn't clear, lol) because Gon didn't like being called 'Pyeha' in Yeong's voice by someone who isn't Yeong, as he might have realized right the first time Eun Seob did call him Pyeha (while boosting about being Gon's Unbreakable Sword to Yeong's face no less, even though he had refused the title to begin with: Eun Seob knows no shame indeed - aka when Eun Seob thought it might be neat and handy to be close to a King and sort of licked his boots - only to get to understand later on that it wasn't for him anyway...). MY HEART, AGAIN.
On a side note: Of course Lee Gon and Yeong, and Eun Seob and Tae Eul, used to play Dungeons & Dragons :) Just indulge me? And oups, now I've started I just can't stop so if you want to know it all: Lee Gon and Tae Eul were human warriors (of course). Yeong and Eun Seob were halfling wizards (of course). That's it. And yes, I could meta this the hell up :) (And now, where is my magical Corea AU where Kid!Yeong molds himself into a wizard (still with ninja stealth though you bet!), because if he could use fuc#$%$# MAGIC to protect Gon of course he would!)
More seriously: Will I ever get over the PERFECTION that is Lee Gon meeting Eun Seob for the first time? MY HEART. The *expectation*, right at only hearing Yeong's voice. And oh, look at Gon when Eun Seob actually arrives going all 'youhou, Yeong-ah, I'm here' - even *clutching at the bars*! Gon is so hopeful, and so thrilled! No matter that it wouldn't make sense at all for Yeong to have just popped up on his own in another universe! The simple FAITH in the fact that yes, of course, why not, Yeong could, Yeong WOULD, sure - Yeong is simply THAT amazing, THAT fantastic; and so indeed he'd just appear right there right now under a silly disguise to save Gon's day, just because Gon needed him to? It just floors me; every time. And then his face when he realizes... And then the fact that he can't even help but TURN AWAY, because the sight of Yeong's face and voice and everything NOT belonging at all to Yeong is just a big distressing NO. I have passed out and reached Fandom Heaven. MY FOREVER HAPPILY BLEEDING HEART. PERFECT SCENE IS PERFECT. AM I SCREAMING? (again) YOU BET. And then - OH MY EVERYTHING : the expectation and confidence and pride and trust Gon exudes during the second street fight? Gon comes to the rescue when it's Tae Eul and Sin Jae who are fighting - and honestly, he'd come to the rescue for anyone imo - he is much more the good knight in armor type willing to save the entire world than Yeong and Eun Seob even combined would ever be; he's been raised to be it, after all - and he MEANS it (he was actually ready to die to save both worlds and I won't let anyone ever forget it - MY HEART.) So, Gon would be about everyone's shiny knight, sure. That being said: Gon has one shiny knight of his own - and only one. Only one he trusts not to have to help; only one he trusts to be able to not only defend himself, but defend Gon too in the process, without his help (which Gon would lend to literally everyone because they'd need it) being needed (because it will not be needed when it's Yeong). I HAVE YEONG. (aka The Ultimate Trump) The sheer CONFIDENCE audible in those 3 words, AARRGH! And then, the switch back to being the knight himself when he sees that it is not Yeong at his side but Eun Seob- STAND BEHIND ME. GO HIDE. And then YEONG WILL SHOW UP - even though Yeong isn't even around, Gon 100000% just KNOWS that Yeong WILL make it on time if he needs him - not a shroud of a doubt. And the moment Yeong arrives - the moment Gon *hears* someone running from behind him, actually; he KNOWS it's Yeong even before seeing him - Gon just STEPS BACK and *openly* relishes on the show. AM I SCREAMING? (yet again) YOU BET. And THAT LOOK they exchange - THAT PROUD SMILE and THAT DAMN NOD. (Go ahead now that you're here. You'll be ok, right? PUT ON A GOOD SHOW FOR ME? - Sure; you just stand there and stay safe. I can deal with this in like 2 seconds...) HONESTLY? Are we supposed to be blind and just NOT see any of this? Well, guess what: I'm not blind, and I've been RUINED by that scene. (And I won't even mention the rest of the scene nor its follow-up because I would NEVER be able to shut up if I did.) And just don't get me started either on about how Gon just follows Yeong around like a lost puppy on a daily basis while NOT claiming that Yeong IS just as his as anything and everything in the palace even when he's clearly meaning it - because he'd rather of course have Yeong acknowledging it himself, even though Yeong never would, because that's just some exclusive theatrics they play together for about 25 years? And you bet the whole palace keeps records on each and every occurrence of said particular childish quote and endearing behavior... And it is just SO, SO sad - heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, soul-shattering - that it's actually that complete and completely ingrained overconfidence in Yeong that is what makes Gon somehow UNABLE to see that he might be sometimes actually going too far with Yeong (because let's be honest, being dumped on his own on another foreign world for an unspecified period of time and with no way to make contact and no way out while searching for a killer to kill is A LOT, for example) But honestly, Gon is just as devoted to Yeong as Yeong is to Gon... and Yeong should at least once get to witness it all in full (and that's kind of my self-appointed mission!). It requires Gon of course to witness it for himself too in full first, huh *sigh* But he'll get there; after a few massive hints from fate. JUST LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL AND MAGNIFICENT IDIOT! AM I SCREAMING? (again - forever!) YOU BET.
ANYWAY... FEEL FREE TO SCREAM WITH ME ? :)
(PS: Sorry, in advance. Bring along some tissues for next chapter. Consider the last paragraphs of Chapter 2 a warning about what will be discussed in Chapter 3. I'm busy on it and honestly, it hurts. MY STABBED AND FOREVER ACHING HEART. I mean... Telltale sign? I'm even keeping the Pokemon babbling for next chapter - just because that's how much I will need something shiny and bright after the massive heartbreak.)