III) The King (1/3)
(Ep. XIII - Gon reunites with Yeong after having brought Eun Seob and Tae Eul back to Korea).
Yeong POV:
Pyeha!
His Majesty enters the diner?
The surprise though doesn't surpass the usual utter *relief* at seeing His Majesty (Finally! Finally! Yeong's heart *screams* in his chest; it has been so long!); and in a good shape, thankfully.
Yeong stands up at once; but keeps silent, and still. He has to keep a low profile, right; and yes, that definitely means knocking down the urge to salute 'Pyeha' louder than usual and bow lower than usual (right down on his knees and forehead to the ground in the full kowtow, if he's honest; the reverence of old that His Majesty most probably wouldn't have the patience for, but that Yeong for the first time feels like he *should* give anyway - again; it has been so long!). Those have been interminable weeks indeed; being clueless not only about what was happening to His Majesty, but even more about what was even happening at all in their world - which meant not having even the slightest idea about His Majesty being at least in a relatively safe environment (or not!) while he was excruciatingly too far beyond his care.
Then, finally, Yeong is free to give at least a quick bow and a hushed out 'Pyhea', as His Majesty has come near enough to be the only one to hear it.
"Ah, Yeong-ah, lucky me; I'm right on time to share your meal!", says His Majesty heartily, while sitting down in the chair facing Yeong that Kang Sin Jae had been sitting on only a few moments ago.
"I've just brought Eun Seob back to his siblings", His Majesty (re)assures him first, explaining why he came alone as Yeong sits back down.
"Thank you, Pyeha."
That relief is genuine too - the hospital gown Myeong Na Ri had talked about was definitely nothing then; thankfully. Yeong can't help but smile.
"He didn't embarrass me in our world, right?"
His Majesty seems to tense somehow? It disappears though just as quickly as it came.
"Rest assured no one in the Kingdom thought you hadn't been yourself lately when we left this morning."
The voice is nothing but certain, so Eun Seob has done well enough, then - even if there might have been some minor lapses of character Yeong can also relate to anyway; and there is now something akin to both pride and satisfaction running warmly through Yeong at the words.
"I knew I could trust him."
His Majesty isn't here for small talk, though. They are on a mission, and Yeong has so much to brief His Majesty about. But here isn't the place - especially given how one piece of news in particular is not only important, but also very delicate...
"Anyway, things have been developing here, Pyeha. I have lots to report. Let's get back to the hotel?"
His Majesty points at the dishes in front of them.
"Let's eat first, Yeong-ah; it's already served and looks delicious."
His Majesty asks for a new set of tableware; but just keeps staring fondly at Yeong, even after it's been brought over and they had exchanged their sets (His Majesty using Yeong's and Yeong taking the new one). And so Yeong authorizes himself to just stare back. Once more; it has been so long!
And it feels so *right*; to be finally able to bask in His Majesty's presence again, after over a month of having been deprived of it. They had never been that long apart; and yes, Yeong had missed His Majesty; beyond words - the ache near physical sometimes. Yeong though had *worried*; even more than he had missed His Majesty, and most of all - of course. He had even worried more than usual - knowing that Lee Lim was still alive and still plotting? But Yeong had *missed* him - longed for his teasing and playful complaining, with that sparkle in his eyes; for his genuine smile (not the public one); for his brief yet roaring laugh; for his always enthusiast, sharp mind; for his dedication to always do his best for their country; for the quiet yet all encompassing warmth simply being in his presence always soaked Yeong through with. Except for when there is danger - and that shrieking cold suddenly creeps all over Yeong - being around His Majesty just always has Yeong feeling both at peace and honestly, perfectly *content*, right down to his core (on the rare occasions he is authorizing himself to fully bask in it to start with)...
"Have you been well?"
Yeong can't help but feel nicely warmed-up inside even more at His Majesty's voiced concern; and right away gives him a reassuring nod. His Majesty had evidently missed him too, and had worried about him too. So really? No need for Yeong to tell that he'd been shot at; he is just fine by now anyway.
"Did you eat well? Did nothing happen?"
Through the haze, Yeong notices that he should maybe be intrigued at the *continued* vocalized concern. There's something raw and urgent in His Majesty's voice, something earnest in His Majesty's eyes; and something starts gnawing at Yeong's heart because of it. He just gives His Majesty though another reassuring nod, hoping he's simply reading too much into it. Again; it's been so long since he has been in His Majesty's presence; and that His Majesty has been in his presence too, maybe?
"Did you run into Prime Minister Koo?"
What?
"How did you know that?"
"I saw that she had the same scar that I have on my shoulder."
So! She had gone back to Corea after having attacked him; and had made a move against His Majesty ?! Yeong wants to slap himself.
"Don't worry about her", His Majesty quickly goes on. "I've tied her down, for now. But Prime Minister Koo penetrated the Palace security. You can ask her how yourself. I don't even want to talk about it."
His Majesty now suddenly goes for the chicken (Yeong had already tasted it after all, judging from the plate) - obviously willing to end that conversation.
"This place still has the best food."
And Yeong can't stop his smile; and let the mission rests, for now, as it is what His Majesty wishes. His Majesty is here, and all right, and obviously enjoying his food. It's just endearing and fulfilling in its undeniability and its simplicity.
"By the way, how did you know I was here? Did you install a tracking app on Eun-Seob's phone?"
"No. Eun Seob downloaded it on my phone. Did Eun Seob's siblings found out you weren't him?"
How does he know that too?
"Of course not", Yeong tries.
His Majesty doesn't comment further; but there's a look in his eyes that tells Yeong that there is more to that tale.
Honestly though, Yeong estimates he hasn't done *such* a bad job at taking care of the two kids that have now somehow rooted themselves in his heart...
"Yeong-ah, I'm sure you did just fine. Now, here (setting some chicken down in the plate in front of Yeong); eat some before it all just disappears into my stomach - it's so tasty!"
Later, during the short walk back to the hotel, Yeong can't shake anymore the growing feeling that something is definitely off; as if His Majesty is holding up a front - pretending to act his 'normal' upbeat while definitely having something bothering on his mind? And Yeong can't help but worry then about exactly what Prime Minister Koo has done once back in Corea - after she had had him shot at. She wouldn't have... Not His Majesty - right ?!
And so, after having quickly completed the routine check of the suite, Yeong finally asks for explanation, coming to a stand at His Majesty's side as His Majesty takes on their investigation board (aka writings on the hotel window).
"Pyeha? Have *you* been well?"
His Majesty closes his eyes briefly, and Yeong now has to press on; *needing* to know - while forcing himself to remember that His Majesty is actually right here and unharmed.
"Something happened back home; I can tell. Has Prime Minister Koo-"
His Majesty sighs helplessly (?) as he cuts him:
"Prime Minister Koo is the least of our troubles right now, Yeong."
His name only - without any of its more usual teasing or affectionate extensions; and suffocating dread spread through Yeong's entire being.
"I was waiting for us to be alone to fill you in. So much happened."
His Majesty's gaze unfocuses: he's now looking through the glass, not at what's written on the window anymore. Head looking right ahead, back straightened, hands behind his back. His Majesty keeps immobile and doesn't look at him; but he allows Yeong to read his whole profile, as he lets it all out.
"I saw Lee Lim."
What? When?
"He hasn't aged at all. He stayed mostly in the in-between I guess; all that time. But he's finally done with hiding. Everything is unraveling; his plan. He came out and confronted me, with some of his goons."
What !?
Yeong can't help but clench down his jaw and fists, hard; as he suddenly sees bloodred at the words and feels downright, pure, undiluted rage rise at the mere thought that those *$%^!#%$* have *actually* *dared* to *actually* *attack* *His Majesty* and-
I should have been there.
"It happened at Haeundae."
Yeong's anger somehow sizzles down at the implications.
No. Please, no.
"My fault; I should have been more precautious than provoking him into meeting me in the open. Two citizens were harmed."
Not killed. Thankfully.
"Eun Seob got shot at, while protecting me."
What !?
"He's fine; I swear. The vest took the brunt."
Yeong forces himself to remember that His Majesty told him, twice now, that Eun Seob is actually all right and back with his loved ones. It does help with stopping the worry from growing; but not the guilt. Not only towards His Majesty now; but towards Eun Seob. A particular guilt Yeong just knows he will never be able to repay.
It should have been me. Not him. Never him.
"He's even helped us catch yet another man while recovering... I definitely should have thought twice, though, before taking him to Corea with me. And I'll wear a ballistic vest any time you want from now on, Yeong; I promise."
His Majesty still isn't looking at him, but Yeong knows nevertheless just how serious and sincere indeed His Majesty is right now. Not only because his own name still sounds flat and much too short for Yeong's liking. But because His Majesty has *never* promised him anything - and shouldn't ever have had to.
And Yeong cannot tell then what feels worse. That Eun Seob got shot at? And in Yeong's place? That His Majesty feels guilty about it? That His Majesty will agree to wear a ballistic vest from now on? Yeong would have never thought possible for him to feel utterly *wrecked* by such a statement - which should have felt nothing but a blessing and a positive victory, you bet. But there's something definitive in His Majesty's tone - something lost. It haunts Yeong.
Before Yeong can utter one word though, His Majesty goes on. It sounds hollow; even though there's no hesitation nor trace of tears:
"Prince Buyeong got murdered; all his guards on service too."
What !? No!
This just hurts - even as rage fiercely comes back. They hadn't been close - working at different palaces most of the time. But they had been so much more than colleagues - there is true kinship within The Royal Guard. And Yeong had known them all. Of course Yeong's blood boils over. And The Prince? Yeong had always admired him. A kind man, a wise man, a patient man; a true gentleman, in every way. Lady Noh must be devastated. And His Majesty... His Majesty had always so deeply loved him.
Pyeha...
"Pyeha; I'm so sorry for your loss. I should have been there."
To support you.
"I had them hunted down and killed by The Royal Guard. As many as I could find."
The rage is still *so* audible in His Majesty's voice. Yeong closes his eyes briefly, breathing deeply through his nose, in order to calm himself instead of letting loose the unraveling fury from grief and from hate and from helplessness readying itself for battle in his mind. His Majesty needs him - and his hands not wounded from punching a window, right?
Pyeha...
This is just... devastating. What Yeong had always wished would *never* come to be. Because even though His Majesty had used to mention playfully while training in their youth that they were champions like Aragorn and Legolas; Yeong had by then already understood that they were in fact Frodo and Sam - and that His Majesty wore not one, but even two, One Ring of his own around his neck, whose lure might one day get tested: one visibly engraved in his skin by hate, itching not only for justice but maybe also for revenge; and one carved deep down into his very soul, simply by being born with power - and raised to use it.
"I should have been there", Yeong repeats; even though not really knowing exactly what for he means now that he should have been there, besides emotional support: be the voice of reason (there might have been some useful intelligence to gather - and if Lee Lim was on the move, they needed said intelligence), or the vengeful weapon (seething rage still running hot through his veins at what he has just heard; and wondering if that's how his whole team had felt - and feeling guilty about not having been there for leading them too, then). It had been provoked by actual crimes; but it had clearly been a thought-out large attack; not an imperative defensive reaction under some imminent security threat. Either way, though? Yeong cannot (and wouldn't have) talk(ed) for any of his subordinates, but he knows that *he*'d have delivered. Whatever His Majesty might need. Always. Even - and in particular - whenever the matter went beyond the line of his duty's prerogatives...
"For my Uncle. Even though I won't pretend I ever thought any of it to be what my Uncle would have wanted. I did it anyway. For The Royal Guard. For my Father. For Lee Ji Hun and his family. For all the others. As retribution. As an example. To prove to Lee Lim that *I* could be ruthless too. To remind him that I had meant and still mean to deliver the sentence I have called upon him - my first decision as King. To hopefully scare off some of his followers. So many reasons. But also just... Because I could, Yeong-ah. I wanted; and I could."
And now falls the extension to his name that always means the world to Yeong. But Yeong wishes it hadn't - because His Majesty sounds so *small*, right now... This... This hurts the most. Stabs right through Yeong's heart; slashes all through his guts; stomps on and crushes his lungs; pierces through him, deep down, at the core of his soul. Yeong wants to *scream* - in pain, in denial, in rage, in despair.
"Pyeha." It sounds nothing but tiny and broken though as it comes out; Yeong doesn't recognize his own voice.
"And the man you caught: Kim Gi-hwan. You know I recognized him. He was so... I had him officially beheaded according to The Special Law."
And Yeong feels helpless, and more guilty right now than in his whole life combined.
Yeong had arrested the man to start with. And he had been so ready to hit that insolent piece of scum; and His Majesty had been the one stopping him, then. And now, His Majesty had ended blackening his own name for all eternity because of it. Well; Yeong might not be following the book, if he ever came to face another of Lee Lim's thug. It was now open war - they had made it so; and Yeong would make them pay for this.
But Yeong hasn't only failed His Majesty; he's also failed his team. Yeong *should* have definitely been there. He's Their Captain; for crying out loud. Who had been actually carrying out that terrible sentence that should have been his burden?
"I should have been there."
Yeong recovers quickly though; his voice now nothing but ice-cold and definite as he continues:
"But do not dwell on any of it, Pyeha. They chose their fate. They knew. Trial or not; they were to die anyway."
Traitors having committed such crimes deserved no mercy; a message Yeong wants His Majesty to clearly hear through the certainty in his tone.
But whether His Majesty hears it or not, Yeong cannot tell. His Majesty just holds still; so still.
And Yeong just *aches*, and finds himself actually having to fight for once an irrepressible urge in his limbs to just touch His Majesty - to quickly brush a soothing hand along his arm; to squeeze a brief but gentle hold upon his shoulder...
None of it occurs, though; because His Majesty starts talking again; and Yeong now feels literally slapped into shock - yet again.
"It didn't scare off many of them though - if any; as I saw right the following day... Lee Lim had had Lt. Jeong Tae Eul captured and brought over to The Kingdom - to force me to exchange her for my piece of the flute, I guess..."
What !?
Failure.
Utter failure.
His Majesty. Seven times. His Team. Thrice. Eun Seob. Twice. Not mentioning Lt. Jeong Tae Eul, indeed - his future *Queen*; if things ever went as His Majesty had been wishing for his whole life! Even if Yeong doesn't trust (yet?) that Jeong Tae Eul might ever fully commit to His Majesty's world, Yeong knows more than well enough what she means to His Majesty. He should have paid closer attention. He should have watched over her. He *should* have.
"She's all right," His Majesty quickly goes on once more - as if willing Yeong not to feel guilty of not having taken care of *his heart* - and Yeong only feels even more now like crawling and begging - not even for forgiveness, mind you; but for any punishment fit for his blatant incompetence. But once more, His Majesty leaves him no time for it as he just continues talking. "She's so strong; she broke free and nearly made it all the way to The Palace on her own. And luckily, yes, I was able to get to her on time. At least, this time, I had the area closed off by the police. But there were so many of them, Yeong-ah; so many. We charged on horses; in the streets - again. I had The Four Tigers in hand. Unsheathed."
And Yeong knows this isn't good - even though it seems to have actually been a matter of life and death situation. But it's all his fault, truly, this time; isn't it? He hadn't been in Corea, after all. But he'd pretty much been right around the corner in Korea. Yet, he hadn't stopped Prime Minister Koo from returning home and wreak havoc in The Kingdom. *And he hadn't prevented Jeong Tae Eul from being kidnapped*. He *had* failed His Majesty - and definitely not simply by being absent.
Seven times!
And he hadn't even been aware of any of it.
Useless.
Indeed. Yeong is nothing but so, *so* useless; definitely unworthy of being His Majesty's Unbreakable Sword. Even Eun Seob does a much better job at it apparently; and he's never even trained...
"I'll stay as a Palace guard; if you'll still have me, that is." (And he'll just stick around unofficially anyway, if His Majesty wouldn't; no need to mention it.)
At that, His Majesty's gaze suddenly returns to him - with surprise, and disbelief.
Yeong just pushes through - needing it to be said, and needing it to be heard: how serious he is about finding someone *better*.
"But I'll annonce Gu Dong Mae as Captain the moment-"
(Gu Dong Mae had been Former Captain Ri Jeong Hyeok's Second for years (and would have been Captain by now if not for Yeong's unusual career; not that Gu Dong Mae resents Yeong for it - on the contrary); and is therefore respected by all, Yeong included, as the old wise fox of The Royal Guard. He is sort of Yeong's unofficial left hand and trusted trainer in some aspects still - and thus Yeong's choice for now as permanent Captain in his stead. Seok Ho Pil is Yeong's official right hand and trusted Sub Captain whenever temporarily necessary - because they discuss daily stuff and so he is always aware of what's going on - and he will definitely be permanent Captain material too over a few years, but he doesn't have as much experience and knowledge as Gu Dong Mae yet.)
His Majesty though only looks definitely outraged at Yeong's plan:
"Stop this! Right now!"
So Yeong shoves the words he had been about to utter back down his throat. He glares quite openly and quite irreverently at His Majesty though; willing him to realize his unmet responsibilities, to understand his lack of vision and of judgement, to agree to his complete inadequacy. His Majesty glares right back, intent and disagreement burning just as clear, both in his eyes and in his words:
"*You* are Captain of the Royal Guard, Unbreakable Sword. And you're *not* at fault. And Tae Eul is fine; truly. She's tough, you know. She got back to work right when we arrived; trying to uncover what that Luna's been doing since she got here to take over her place in this world. If even Kang Sin Jae didn't notice she had gone missing; how could you... Besides, I hadn't told you to guard over Tae Eul. I hadn't realized yet people are not only visiting as they cross over but actually killing their counterparts; that Lee Lim uses them as pawns, under the veil of a false hope for a better but stolen life. And I understood too late he could find Tae Eul just to use her against me. It's on me, Yeong-ah. And not only about Tae Eul. The whole *mess*; it's all on *me*."
And Yeong just cannot let His Majesty believe any of this; and at once professes, fiercely - voice ablaze, dripping acid and venom:
"No, Pyeha. It's on *them*."
His Majesty looks at him somehow softer now; even though very sadly. And Yeong realizes - even through his own dejection - that he just definitely lost their argument.
"As long as you understand that it's not on you, then."
Yeong doesn't really relent; keeps fighting, shaking his head in denial:
"Nonetheless. I'm sorry. For everything. And I *should* have been there."
Yes. Once more. It will never feel enough though.
"I was the one who ordered you *not* to be there, Yeong-ah. And honestly? *I'm* glad you weren't there."
His Majesty's gaze returns to the window; and Yeong sees now exactly how much exhausted His Majesty looks.
And seriously? How come Yeong hadn't noticed it right away - even through His Majesty's always so skillfully built-up facade? Well: because there was usually no need for a facade - not with Yeong, huh. It hadn't been built in order to entirely fool him or hide though; simply until they'd be able to talk privately. But His Majesty had had to pretend, even if shortly, to him, that everything was fine - that *He* was fine; and that's painful.
The worst, though? His Majesty looks *defeated*. And that's... Yeong has never seen His Majesty like that. And it just feels utterly, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, soul-shattering *wrong*.
His Majesty sighs; and Yeong's breath just leaves with it.
"It wasn't good, Yeong-ah. *I* wasn't good. And I'm not sure whether we can salvage anything; nor even if we should. It's not even the blood - even though there's been so much of it already, and even though there's probably more to come still. I've put citizens at risk. I've turned what should be safe public space into ugly war zone. Thrice. And I may have respected the law - which doesn't mean much as I can just make it what I wish anyway apparently - but I have baffled civil *rights*. Damage control? The word is too kind for its harsh reality. I had, and I still have as we speak, any possible leak searched for and removed. Is that The King I'm becoming, Yeong-ah? Daily bloodshed in the streets; endangering the lives I have vowed to protect and take care of? There could have been collateral casualties! Lawyer, judge and executioner? Freedom choker? How could that be right for Corea? I used to define myself as a benevolent guardian, as a King who was there when needed but who let the people's government rule; I wanted to be seen as a mathematician and a rower, never as a politician. And look at me now... I don't even want to think about how the rest of the world is going to look at me - at our country; when this all gets out. Because, of course, it will get out. As it should. I just want time; to end this once and for all. But afterwards... I'm afraid this is it, Yeong-ah. Even if I win - and I *must* win; Lee Lim must never behold the whole flute's power - The Kingdom loses, either way. I've dragged all of our people down through the mud with me. Corea deserves better; so much better than any of this."
And maybe - maybe - Yeong hasn't ever loved His Majesty more than he feels he does right now. And Yeong is proud of it; *so* proud. It gives him strength once more - to carry on, to hope - always; to do his best, and to do better, day after day after day, in order to carry His Majesty as His Majesty carries his heavy load; to try and move mountains, to try and part the seas; to die; to kill; to do *whatever* will ever be necessary to keep His Majesty - His Brilliant, Splendid, Beautiful Majesty - not only safe, but also on the throne He belongs on (not because He's born to it, but because He's actually worthy of it), and most of all - Yeong's only wish, each day anew; still, always, forever - as happy as possible; and even more: simply, truly, happy. They will work this out. They will.
"One problem at a time, Pyeha. The Kingdom will decide in the end. The fact that you *do* ask yourself those questions; at least? It means something, Pyeha. It means everything, maybe. You are loved. Please. Do not give up on your people just yet."
'I'm sure not giving up on you' goes unsaid. But His Majesty gives a brief nod - maybe not in agreement yet, but possibly in gratitude, and at least in recognition, signaling He's definitely heard Yeong's words this time; so Yeong trusts that His Majesty heard that last unsaid bit too anyway.
And there's another comfort Yeong can offer, he suddenly realizes. There's still one definitely positive aspect to find through the ruins of their situation. And Yeong wants - needs - His Majesty to be aware of it. It is not much, maybe, compared to all the rest. But it is one life (and one life precious to them in more ways than rhetorically, even); and as such will always matter.
"Also. Do not feel guilty about Eun Seob, Pyeha. You probably saved his life by taking him with you to Corea."
Well, that gets His Majesty's eyes and attention right back to him again in a flash, huh.
"Yeong-ah?" His Majesty asks now with urgency, eyes narrowing at him then running over him as if trying to see through the layers of clothes what exactly happened, and where.
"I'm fine, as you can see. Honestly, I wouldn't have reported it; it didn't matter in itself - except it does, now."
"You were-! Koo?"
"Yes. Not her hand; but yes, someone that worked with her, no doubt. That, I would have mentioned, of course."
His Majesty looks suddenly downright murderous at the thought that someone has indeed attacked him. But well, Yeong knows the feeling too much to comment on it. It passes, anyway. Yeong continues:
"But the thing is: I had my ballistic vest on, Pyeha. Eun Seob, walking around his daily Korea wearing my face, wouldn't have had."
His Majesty actually seems to consider it.
Good.
Yeong has planted the seed; now it's up to His Majesty to decide if it will ever be sufficient to forgive himself - about Eun Seob, at least.
Then His Majesty's focus sets back on Yeong, with intent:
"Show me."
"There wasn't much of a bruise to begin with, Pyeha; and Kang Sin Jae got me some meds - not much was needed. It's gone already."
But His Majesty just keeps looking at him expectantly.
"I still need to see it and decide for myself how much it actually is, Yeong-ah."
There's a particular drawl on the extension of his name this time - the one that tells that His Majesty will just not let this slide, no matter how fond of him He is - and Yeong knows better than to be evasive again; it would only be a waste of time. He gives a nod bow, and simply points with a finger to where His Majesty should be looking at:
"Right here, Pyeha."
And then Yeong undresses - neatly folding his clothes (and ballistic vest, holster and weapons) on the couch as he goes - until he's standing straight, legs apart, hands at his back, torso nude, head bowed yet tilted somehow to the side in order not to hide the point of impact, for his Majesty to inspect.
"It's the same spot; but at his back, not at his front", is all His Majesty says, after He's checked Yeong's skin up close until feeling reassured enough about Yeong's state. And somehow, it makes sense.
Yeong puts everything back on.
When he meets His Majesty's eyes again, they are nothing but demanding:
"You *will* *always* *report* *any* *injury*. Understood?"
"Yes, Pyeha."
His Majesty's eyes turn again openly warmer and softer; even if worried still. A solid hand comes to squeeze gently, once, at his good shoulder.
"And be more careful with yourself, my dear Yeongie. That's an order."
Yeongie.
The softest version of his name - reserved only for moments when His Majesty actually allows a very special brand of vulnerability that is all about Yeong to shine through - echoes in Yeong's heart, and spreads like liquid fire through his whole being. It is a strange thing, how one simple word can always feel at once so disarming, yet so invigorating?
His Majesty's hand disappears. Its warmth remains.
And Yeong feels guilty, somehow - for not being able to repay His Majesty's *gifts* (a touch *and* a Yeongie!) with obedience on that matter. But they both know Yeong will always only be careful with himself as long as it is what is best for His Majesty's safety; so there is no point in acknowledging an order Yeong will always be ready to dismiss anyway.
"Let's get some rest?", Yeong counters instead, tilting his head towards the bedrooms. "I'll make my own report later on; but we'll need a clear head, in order to choose the best course of action. Please, Pyeha."
Indulge me.
Because there's no way Yeong is going to break His Majesty's heart all over again right now, when He's already so distressed, by speaking about the woman walking around Korea wearing his long gone Mother's face.
His Majesty holds his gaze, internally debating as Yeong just silently pleads back through his eyes - willing to win that one with all he has.
"As you wish", His Majesty finally concedes.
But their eyes stay connected, and it looks as if His Majesty isn't done speaking, is pondering something; so Yeong waits, his full attention still on His Majesty, both in question and in expectation.
"Stay with me?"
This comes as a surprise. It's been over fifteen years, since that particular demand yet request has passed His Majesty's lips for the last time. But, right now; it makes total sense, sadly.
Yeong aches; again. He nods, reverently.
"Anytime, Pyeha."
Always.
Forever.
"Take a hot shower, I'll get the drinks. Alcohol or something warm?", Yeong asks - hoping for the latter, but understanding the eventual preference for the former, at the moment.
"Warm water will do. Thank you, Yeong-ah."
.
AN:
Hello again,
The only comment I'll make over writing this chapter as a whole is that IT HURTS. Painful realizations. Painful moral questions. Everything is just PAINFUL.
Ep XI (and end VII) Lee Gon (scared and) scarred himself (and me in the process).
So I'll just leave here one of my top favorite ever songs; because it speaks way better than any word I could ever write on such a subject.
Keep safe everyone!
Hugs!
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Né en 17 à Leidenstadt - Fredericks Goldman Jones (1990)
English translation :
What if I were born in '17 in Leidenstadt, Upon the ruins of a battlefield, Would I have behaved any better, or worse, than those people, Had I been born German? Raised in humiliation, hatred and ignorance, Fed on dreams of revenge, Would I have been one of those unlikely minds with a conscience, Simple teardrops in the midst of a flood?
Had I grown up in the docklands in Belfast, Soldier for a faith, for a class, Would I have had the strength to fight against those of my kind; To betray them, by holding out a hand in friendship?
Were I born white and wealthy in Johannesburg, Between power and fear, Would I have heard those calls carried by the wind? From now on, nothing will be as it has used to be...
One never knows what one truly is made of; Hidden behind appearences, is there The soul of a brave man, an accomplice, or an executioner? The worst, or the most beautiful of hearts? Would we be one of the resisting minds, or just another sheep in the herd, If more than mere words was actually necessary?
What if I were born in '17 in Leidenstadt*, Upon the ruins of a battlefield, Would I have behaved any better, or worse, than those people, Had I been born German?
And may we be saved, you and I, If possible, for the longest of time, From ever having to ever choose a side.
(By the way, the first part is sung by French singer and composer Jean-Jacques Goldman, who has Jewish-Polish origins; the second part is sung by Welsh singer Michael Jones; and the third part is sung by African American singer Carole Fredericks)
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(And thanks for any feedback, it means the Manpasikjeok to me!)