VII) The war is over
(Yeong's life hanging by a thread at the Royal Hospital, right after the last time reset.)
.
Gon POV:
Gon cannot stop pacing nervously - back and forth; back and forth. He needs the constant movement as much as focusing on counting his steps; instead of the seconds rhythmically ticking away, just as- No. So much blood. Yeong had lost so much blood - *was still* losing so much blood. But Gon *cannot* - must not; will not - think about *that*; so Gon counts his steps, feeling as never before terrifyingly powerless and devastatingly useless - despite being an adult this time around; despite being The King - and hiding it by trailing up and down along the left wall of the narrow corridor, head down and silent, if not quiet.
/
About 1999' ish.
Gon was being taught about blood types. Yeong had stopped with his own homework and had inched closer, clearly interested. At the end of the lesson, Yeong had wondered out loud about what their blood types could be. Gon had told he already knew that he was O negative - "So, you're truly a super hero, Pyeha!" - but that they could ask the Court Physician to test Yeong's. And that's how they had found out that Yeong was AB positive. Gon had simply taken it as some informative yet still particularly satisfying data. But Yeong had looked utterly dejected; as if betrayed by his own body, and guilty of having committed high treason just by having incompatible blood type.
"I can't give you my blood, Pyeha; should you ever need some."
/
Well.
Yeong had, anyway.
/
Gon had expected Yeong to follow soon behind him - right after having made sure Child!Gon's care had been taken over by Past!Lady Noh's team. So Gon had of course backtracked when Yeong still hadn't been showing up after Gon had once and for all dealt with Lee Lim.
Cheonjongo had been silent as the graveyard it had become when Gon had entered. His Past!self had already been taken away; his Father's body too. So Gon had called out (quietly but loud enough to be heard in the silent room); but hadn't got any answer. Panic now definitely kicking in (had Yeong been found out and arrested as a traitor?), Gon had swiftly checked every corner (and every corpse) until taking a turn and-
There had been Yeong: passed out and hunched against a wall in a way that had just looked bad - even before Gon had noticed the pool of blood on the ground.
Gon honestly doesn't remember much from then on; everything a blur of *fear* but action - thankfully. Time had stopped. And then time had stretched: Gon knows he had run over, frantic; but it had felt not only slow-motioned, but even more, Gon had felt so weighed down. Not losing any precious nanosecond though by checking Yeong over once he had got to him (no help would come here; and Yeong definitely needed professional help), Gon had set right away on carrying Yeong out and into the in-between - where time wouldn't exist and Yeong would be safe; if only Gon could get him there fast enough - hushing out a litany of pleas/orders/encouraging words Gon does remember uttering despite not remembering the exact words, while time, contradictory again, had seemed to pass far too quickly. What Gon does remember though is that Yeong had felt both too heavy and too light in his arms, and that Yeong had been unresponsive all the way.
Having finally passed beyond the obelisks, Gon had carefully laid Yeong down. Holding his breath, Gon had extended his hands to check Yeong's breathing and pulse: there, still - thankfully; but so weak - much too weak. And Yeong's skin had been so frighteningly damp and pale already.
But Gon had now finally been able to take the necessary time to expose skin - getting even more appalled at the sight: Yeong's body was one giant bruise all over: internal bleeding too, besides the external. Gon had fought himself not to panic as he had methodically searched for the bleeding wound(s?): unable to miss how Yeong's heartbeat had felt rapid - way too rapid - under his fingers; nor how his hands had turned from their inspection way too wet and sticky and darkened in the night light in a way that had looked absolutely wrong. Two shots stopped by the front of the ballistic vest - bruises up right, and down center. The one treacherous bullet that had found flesh; by the edge of the ballistic vest, just under Yeong's left collarbone. Gon had carefully turned Yeong over. No exit wound; no way to guess the bullet's angle nor trajectory. The right side of Yeong's upper and mid back nothing but a blueish mess.
The in-between had Yeong in a stasis for the time being - even though Gon had actually no clue about how it exactly worked; and it honestly couldn't matter right now, as long as it actually worked. But Yeong being unconscious meant he had already lost a significant amount of blood. And Manpasikjeok was said to cure disease - but Yeong wasn't sick: he was wounded; and even though he didn't get worse, he wasn't getting better simply by staying here - no matter how long Gon waited, how fervently Gon prayed, how often Decimus Meridius nuzzled at Yeong as if trying to wake him up. Again: no help would come here; and Yeong definitely needed professional help. But going out of the in-between on his own in order to get help while leaving Yeong behind had felt way too hazardous too - how long would it take for Gon to find Yeong again; if ever? Gon still hadn't really worked out how to travel by flute, even less now that it was whole. So. Gon had taken his longsleeve off (for lack of anything more suitable) and had readied himself for keeping pressure onto Yeong's wound as soon as they'd get out of the in-between together.
Gon knew the obelisks in The Kingdom were the closest to checkpoint six. So Gon had let Lady Maximus and Decimus Meridius out; had stood half inside and half outside the portal in order to contact The Royal Guard, using Yeong's comm; and had told them to meet him there. He had waited for them to have passed checkpoint five; had activated the comm's GPS; and had taken Yeong out of the portal and closed it off just before they would arrive - nothing but determined, and refusing to contemplate- No.
"I forbid it. You hear me, Yeong-ah: I forbid it."
The King's voice, only - in all its commanding authority. And Gon had never *forbidden* anyone anything. Yeong, even unconscious, wouldn't miss that this was so much more imperative than an order; right!
/
On the other side of the corridor are Yeong's parents, holding hands in silence (the sight weird yet not weird; and in any timeline - it's their son's life on the line after all). Their eyes are glued to the door Gon forces himself not to look at (as long as the door stays shut, Yeong isn't- No); and Gon is thankful for it.
/
The first of that kind, and without a doubt the hardest phone call Gon had ever had to make - and it had to be about Yeong. Gon wouldn't have had anyone else making it in his stead though - and not only because it was about Yeong (Gon would have acted the same for any of his guard: it would have just been disrespectful not to).
Yeong's mother had answered the call right away, as if she had been waiting for it - and Gon had been momentarily surprised by an odd thought: not Yeong's siblings, thankfully (it was late after all; they must be sleeping already).
And somehow, probably because it was already so late indeed, Yeong's mother had known right then who was calling, even before Gon had starting speaking.
"Your Majesty?"
The dread in her voice would stay forever engraved in Gon's memory.
"Yeong has been shot at. He's seriously bleeding, and he is unconscious. They're taking him to The Royal Hospital as I speak."
A sharp sound - Yeong's mother had apparently dropped the phone. Voices - quiet, but panicked. And then Yeong's father had picked the phone back up and simply told: "We're on our way. We'll call someone to come and keep an eye on Kha Bi and Eun Bi while in the car."
/
Gon cannot look at nor talk to anyone right now; and definitely not to Yeong's parents. To have had to let them bow at him when they had arrived had already felt entirely out of place. This isn't on them. They have only allowed Yeong to stay at The Palace after their divorce. They have only trusted Gon, when he had pledged their son would be cared for - and here they are, now. It is Gon who has handed *a reason to die* over to Yeong in the form of a stupid toy to start with. It is Gon who has allowed Yeong to be The Unbreakable Sword - *his* Unbreakable Sword - each and every day from that moment on. Yeong's current condition is all Gon's making and responsibility. And the acrid taste crawling up at the back of Gon's throat comes from feasting on Yeong's blood for 25 years; figuratively, and now even literally. Gon will never be able to meet Yeong's parents's eyes again, no matter what- No.
/
2011.
Yeong is officially a member of The Royal Guard, for about three months; and Gon has summoned Ri Jeong Hyeok, its then Captain.
Yeong hides it; and he hides it well - not one flinch, not one wince; nothing, truly. But Gon just knows him too well not to notice when he walks just that much slower than usual, or stands just that much stiffer than usual, or breathes just that much sharper than usual. Gon cannot believe that it might be some pervert rite of passage: The Royal Guard is an elite of professionals to start with, and you bet Gon has never heard nor seen anything about any other rookie before - on the contrary; and that's even without mentioning that all its current Senior guards already know and even adore Yeong since forever. But the only other possible explanation feels definitely no better. Either way, though: Gon *has* to know.
"What is going on with Junior Jo Yeong?"
The Captain holds his gaze for a moment; sees that Gon has seen something, indeed; and has the decency not to pretend he doesn't understand, then.
"Nothing but what Junior Jo Yeong wants; that much I can assure you, Your Majesty."
And it is not exactly a surprise; but Gon feels sick at the confirmation. His voice though only turns more commanding.
"Do elaborate."
"Junior Jo Yeong was 16 when he came to me, requesting a special kind of private training for the first time. I told him we would only discuss it, eventually, after his military service, and after his official admission into The Royal Guard. But he renewed his request on the first day he got enrolled; and I knew better than to refuse."
"What does it entail, *exactly*?"
"Nothing extreme, I guarantee. We are guards, Your Majesty. We have no secrets to spill; and major access codes require at least double identification and several different authorizations, as you well know. Junior Jo Yeong simply wishes for his body to harden; to truly learn how to take some hits and still be able to perform adequately enough - that is all. But it is of course mandatory to use protective gear while training. He would have simply gone looking for it elsewhere, if I hadn't complied; and it is definitely safer that way than in some street fight with some thugs set on wounding him. Our Jo Yeong is an inspiration for us all, and already counts more years of service than most, de facto. He is entitled to the greatest responsibility. So be certain I am not actually trying to harm him; and I know how and where to hit to make it hurt without causing real damage. He's not asking for more when I say it's enough; and he thanks me - each and every time. Junior Jo Yeong trusts me, your Majesty. I can only hope Your Majesty does too."
"Who knows about this arrangement."
"Junior Jo Yeong, me, Sub Captain Gu Dong Mae, and now Your Majesty."
"He mustn't be aware that I know. But always let me know when and where he's been hit."
"I will keep you informed, Your Majesty."
"And whatever he may ask; remind him that I do not want him to bleed. You were there, right? - the day he had cut himself."
"I do not believe he has forgotten; but I will remind him, if necessary."
"I do trust you, Captain Ri Jeong Hyeok. I will not thank you, though, for this particular service."
"It is my honor still, Your Majesty."
"Dismissed."
.
Our Jo Yeong.
Gon hadn't liked that turn of phrase at all. Not out of misplaced jealousy, mind you (neither morally - people were not possessions to start with; nor personally - surely, a King should be above ever being jealous; besides, Gon *knew* exactly how so completely *his* Yeong actually was anyway); but because it had suddenly felt *dangerous*: as if The Royal Guard was claiming Yeong; had already claimed Yeong - for itself; like some voracious monster demanding sacrifices. Gon had known though that Yeong would (and had; long ago, even) wholeheartedly agree(d) to being so claimed.
And not for the first time (that had been the incident with the knife), Gon had wondered whether he should finally put his foot down and say 'Enough'.
Gon hadn't in the end, once more; and simply because he *couldn't*. *Forbid* was just the line not to cross. Not even because theoretically Gon shouldn't interfere with Yeong's decisions about his own life. Not even because more personally it would feel and be perceived as a betrayal by both parties involved; if Gon ever did. But simply because it would be useless anyway. Yeong had long ago decided to be Gon's Unbreakable Sword; and would allow Gon only one choice - whether to recognize it (even officially eventually) or not. Yeong's unspoken motto wasn't exactly 'Don't go where I can't follow'; but it was definitely 'Don't even think to dare to try to go where I can't walk *in front* of you' (and be the shield or the weapon you might need). Any attempt to change Yeong's mind on that matter was just doomed to be futile.
It would embarrass them both, and hurt them both; but it wouldn't change a thing in the end. Gon would both argue and cajole to push his caring yet selfish and hypocrite (because Gon had to have guards) point; and Yeong would let him speak, and would even listen - not interrupting, just holding onto Gon's eyes square on, with not only disagreement but also hurt clear in his own; and Gon would feel guilty. But Yeong would not relent - and even less obey. And then Yeong would *apologize* for his insubordination; and Gon would feel guiltier still. (And then maybe Yeong would even respectfully ask whether Gon was actually going to sack him for it (and it would feel much worse than if he had challenged Gon to); and Gon would feel too guilty for words and keep silent.) And then Yeong would bow low, and clear the room; only to take his place back at his side as his guard right the next morning - and it would be obvious that none of them had had a good sleep. There was no point in trying; truly.
Because Yeong *was* in fact the unstoppable force - no matter how much Yeong was always willing to be the unmovable object protecting Gon from any harm. And Yeong would always push aside anyone standing in the way - Gon included - to just be it. Even though Yeong wanted and needed Gon's acceptance, indeed; you bet he had never asked, and would never wait, for Gon's authorization.
.
Once every two weeks, for about sixteen months long, on Sunday evening, Yeong had used to leave Gon's service with the usual silly joke and genuine smile. About one hour later, Gon had always received a two-or-three-words report from Captain Ri Jeong Hyeok. 'Left side.' 'Belly, center'. 'Mid back, left'. 'Right side'. 'Left shoulder, front.' 'Upper torso, right'. 'Right thigh, back'. And on; and on. Only at places that would be covered by clothes; of course. But systematical. And thorough.
There had never been any mention of *how* Yeong had been hurt (fist? kick? weapon?) - not that it had made a difference anyway; and Gon had only asked for when and where, after all. But Gon had always known where to pay attention, and not to touch. The frequency of the messages had started to drop later on - once a month, every six weeks, etc; but it had never actually stopped.
Nowadays, it was Gu Dong Mae who from time to time secretly still sent Gon such a report. Only when the following day was a day in; of course. And if some unplanned trip was suddenly necessary? On a very few occasions, Yeong wouldn't come along; and Gon would pretend to believe whatever reason Yeong would come up with, and not to know that it meant that Yeong judged himself diminished - too sore still. No matter how much Yeong always wanted to be in Gon's vicinity, especially outside Palace grounds, in order to be physically able to protect him; you bet he would never endanger Gon by coming along if he wasn't 100% certain of his capacities. There were only as many possible guards as available seats in the cars after all; and Yeong would never waste one of those on someone somehow unfit, himself included. And if when getting back, later, Gon would cook dinner for the both of them himself; well, that was just a coincidence, right?
/
Lady Noh is here too, of course. She had come right away, when she had been informed - and she is one of the first persons who'd be informed, indeed. She sits further down the corridor, keeping her head down; and Gon is thankful for it too. If there is anything Gon might fear more than any trace of accusation in Yeong's parents gaze right now, it would definitely be the terrible understanding and worry and care - about Yeong, and about him - in Lady Noh's. And Gon just cannot, must not, will not break down right now. There will be plenty of time for it after, if - No. *No*.
Gu Dong Mae stands as Gon's point guard at the center of the corridor; as the rest of his team is blocking its entrance, watching out. And no matter how wrong it feels - that Yeong is *not* his point guard when Gon needs him the most; Gon is nothing but thankful for all of them too. They've arranged for everything as fast and as efficiently as humanly possible, after Gon had contacted them through Yeong's wrist comm once having found the right channel for the night.
/
"Royal Guard Acting Captain; call in."
"Your Majesty?"
"Captain Jo Yeong has been shot. He's unconscious and bleeding out. Meet us by checkpoint six asap; I'll let you know where."
If Gu Dong Mae had been surprised, it had been short-lived. Gon just had the best guards, indeed.
"Copy that, Your Majesty. Please keep quiet unless necessary and stay hidden as much as possible until we arrive."
"Attention everyone: we switch to Channel 5." (several 'Copy that' in unison)
"Moon Gang Tae, get the Court Physician: we need saline and blood for Captain Jo Yeong, but tell him to bring more too, in case. We see you asap by checkpoint six." ('Copy that')
"The rest of Team 3, with me; we take the quads." (several 'Copy that' in unison)
"Palace: Highest Security Level; starting now. And call The Royal Hospital: we need a wing cleared out, and I want 3 ambulances to meet us at the nearest point from checkpoint six; more if possible. Send coordinates when you have them worked out." ('Copy that')
"Drivers: Contact the police: escape routes Y and Z are to be secured; along with the route from and to the Royal Hospital. Then meet with us at said coordinates." (two 'Copy that')
"Copter: In the air; let us know if you notice anything suspect." ('Copy that')
"Your Majesty, we're at checkpoint one; nothing to report. Moving on."
.
They had found Gon on his knees in the dirt, pressing hard upon Yeong's exposed left shoulder; Yeong's upper body still clothed for the rest, coat included, in order to keep him warm and to prevent his skin to actually get in contact with the muddy ground.
"Cover."
A human circle closing in around him; guns at the ready, facing out.
And Gon had wanted to shout.
Unnecessary. Help him. Help him.
"Yoon Myeong-Joo, replace His Majesty. Keep us informed."
A shadow crouching next to him, hands hovering, ready to take over; and Gon had known she would probably do a far better job than him at keeping Yeong's blood where it belonged (they all *were* trained at First Aid); but Gon still had felt like snarling in warning at anyone daring to come closer. He hadn't, though. Time was of the essence.
"Seo Dae Young, with me. Team: Extraction."
And Gon is sure he had actually let out one (helpless) 'No!' at the command - No need; let me stay - let me stay: fighting against the two pairs of arms handling him away; trying to see past the circle of shadows at once blocking his view - Yeong-ah! Yeong-ah!
Gu Dong Mae's voice, as firm as the arms pulling him along: "With all due respect, Your Majesty: your safety before obedience. It's what Captain Jo Yeong would want."
And the worst? The worst had been to know that it was the truth indeed.
If this had been happening right then; and not 25 years in the past? If there had been any reason to think some snipers were around? Yeong would have indeed wanted Gon to leave him behind in order to get to safety right away. It would not only be the best for Gon; but also for the whole team. A human wall even made out of 1000 bodyguards was useless, nothing but sitting ducks, if it wasn't on the move. Not mentioning that if anyone had to fall for him, the least Gon could do to honor the sacrifice would be to actually try to stay alive, and not risk even more lives. Gon knew it; he had been taught this, repeatedly, and long ago. And yet...
Gon had never regretted being The King; until that moment: when he had to be taken away, leaving Yeong behind.
.
In the car, driving away at high speed - police helicopters by then too in the air; and Gon had known they were going in the opposite direction than the one he needed to go to.
"The court physician is giving Captain Jo Yeong a transfusion, Your Majesty."
"How is he?"
Gu Dong Mae hadn't answered though; simply because he hadn't known.
"What can you tell us, Your Majesty?"
And so Gon had made up having been attacked out of the blue - several men, judging from the sounds (the bullets that had hit Yeong probably came from several guns, so...), even if everything was kind of a blur except for the fact that Yeong must have hit someone back, because the shooting had stopped at some point. Gu Dong Mae had made his report. By then, Team 1 and 2 must have been on their way, and would search all through the bamboo forest for clues and traces they wouldn't find - not a stray bullet, nor one drop of blood unaccounted for; but what else could Gon have said to have it make any sense...
"The medics have arrived, Your Majesty."
"How is he?" - again.
"No news sometimes means good news, Your Majesty."
Not that it had actually sounded hopeful. Gu Dong Mae hadn't seen Yeong up close; but one look at Gon had probably been more than enough right away to know how bad it actually was.
"I should inform Yeong's parents."
Gon hadn't taken his would-be-useless phone into the past. (You bet he always would from now on; either taking it along in modern times or simply leaving it in the in-between, in case it might be necessary on returning. But then; Gon hadn't expected to return when he had planned this trip... He should have known though, that Yeong would see through him, and brought the phone anyway.) So Gu Dong Mae had asked The Palace for their number, and had handed his phone over to Gon.
"Take me there. Now." Gon had said upon hanging up; and it had sounded like an order. The whole car had heard his actual Please anyway.
"Soon, Your Majesty. We're still working on securing the perimeter."
/
When the door opens, Gon stops breathing.
.
And then, Gon feels nauseous, ears ringing - and makes a beeline to the restroom he has passed so many times during the last hour. It's been checked when they had arrived, of course; but Gu Dong Mae is right behind him anyway. He closes the door after a quick check, standing guard outside the restroom. By then, Gon is coughing helplessly, hunched over a toilet, bile rising and coming out - and Gon is in truth surprised that it *isn't* red.
The surgery was over. Yeong had been really, really lucky; and thrice. First, the bullet hadn't ruptured any major arteries. Second, the bullet hadn't hit bone either - which would have provoked serious additional damage when breaking apart. Third, Yeong had indeed lost a lot of blood: it had been a very, very close call. But, thankfully, it was not life-threatening anymore. Transfusion was still ongoing; but Yeong's condition was stabilized. The bullet was out. Yeong was all patched up and inspected. The eight bruises (besides the bullet wound) weren't actually severe; and even if two were more concerning and would take longer to heal - the one by his stomach and the one by his right kidney - they shouldn't cause long-term damage. Yeong has made it. *Yeong has made it*.
Gon flushes the toilet; then sacks to the ground, still gaping for air. And then Gon finally sobs - and thankfully, it's simply out of sheer relief; as stress truly releases.
Thank you. Thank you, Yeongie.
.
Gon quickly gets a grip on himself, of course; breathing in and out, leaning against the wall for support.
Gon gets back up; turns to the sink.
His reflection in the mirror is a shock.
His ceremonial vest is blood stained - everywhere. He is bare under it - and *seeing* it is just wild; even knowing it already. He's obviously run his hands through his hair far too many times; and some parts of it looks greasy - but he knows it's from dried blood. And his face... God. His face is a mess; even disregarding the recent tear tracks on his cheeks and correlated reddened eyes. There's blood on his forehead.
To think that they've just let him look *like this* for that long is telling; more telling than any word.
Gon drinks; cleansing his mouth. Splashes his face. Washes his hands.
A knock on the door.
"Lady Noh, Your Majesty."
Gon masters his voice.
"Let her in."
The door opens; the door closes.
Gon keeps focusing solely on washing his hands.
Familiar footsteps coming closer. A bag being placed on the counter.
"I've brought toilet items and a change of clothes, Your Majesty."
Of course.
Gon wants to scream, unrestrained, at the cruel normalcy of it all. Gon wants to laugh, darkly, at the sheer idiocy of it all. Gon does neither, though; he is The King - and is already behaving inappropriately enough as it is. So. He just keeps washing his hands.
"Thank you, Lady Noh."
He is still not meeting her eyes; but he knows she understands that it is what he needs right now - more than a gentle touch or a kind word.
"Secretary Kim (a new face flashing in Gon's head at the name; yet Gon not only knows but also trusts the man already) is awaiting your call."
Of course. They need a video statement, at the minimum - an undeniable proof of life. The nation must not be left in doubt about his condition. (The nation should be concerned right now about Yeong's condition.)
"I'll contact him right after I've changed."
Lady Noh leaves.
.
Gon contacts Secretary Kim. He's already drafted several options. The restroom turns into a temporary office, and together, communicating by phone, they quickly finish one short declaration to the press/TV from the hospital. Secretary Kim's team will handle the rest after it's been recorded.
.
And the night becomes morning; and the Jo twins are suddenly here - shaken and holding tight onto their parents, but the simple fact that they are here is actually a reminder that Yeong *will* indeed wake up.
And so, Gon thinks, this time around, Yeong will be gifted with *two reasons to live*, instead of a reason to die. And it feels right.
.
And then, a nurse rushes out of that door again, and bows low in front of Gon as she lets out hurriedly:
"The patient is awake and asking for you, Your Majesty. Please."
She obviously means that Yeong is being difficult, no matter his state, until being reassured about *him*. And it is logical: Yeong still doesn't know that they've succeeded; he only knows that Gon was nowhere in his sight when he had passed out in the past. Of course he's not only worried for so many reasons, and about so many things, but also in need of answers only Gon can provide.
Gon hears Yeong's mother's relieved sigh as he hurriedly follows the nurse, Gu Dong Mae right at his side, calling for two guards to follow: "He's going to be okay. He's really going to be okay." Because Yeong calling for him as first is nothing but logical indeed too, even without being aware of their meddling with the past: worrying about him has always been Yeong's usual behavior - and as such, now (as Gon had supposedly been under attack when Yeong had passed out), it is not only making sense, it is also a welcome positive sign about Yeong's state.
.
Gon hears Yeong's voice from the corridor, and can't help but hurry even more without outright running. It's strained and raw, and it truly doesn't sound like Yeong; but it undeniably is - a desperate and agitated yet obstinate and demanding repetition of 'His Majesty; where is His Majesty; I must report to His Majesty' - as if any word drains him of his energy; but Yeong evidently still finds the will to get them out anyway - mixed with pleas from the nurses for him to stop trashing about.
Gu Dong Mae enters first; scans the small room; lets Gon through.
Yeong is zeroing on him at once; mouth open mid-sentence, breath knocked out but right away checking him over, as he always does whenever they have been apart.
And then, Gon can see *shock*, then worry, flashing over Yeong's features.
Yeong's eyes latch onto Gon's like a hook.
"Pyeha?"
And it sounds so *afraid* - begging for confirmation, for reassurance; and Gon is the only one in the room able to understand why.
"Yes; it's me, Yeong-ah. And it's over - it's all over and done with; for good."
And the breath Yeong has been holding in rushes out in one short, low, somehow strangled sound; and Yeong starts to cry. And it's devastating, even knowing those are tears of pure relief. Gon has never seen adult!Yeong cry before. And of course, Yeong cries just as he does everything - eyes on Gon, head high, unashamed, and unfiltered; lips trembling, nose quivering, silent tears he doesn't care to brush away running down his face as he kind of *smiles*. Gon never wants to see Yeong cry ever again.
Gon has to straighten his voice before speaking - both an order and a plea.
"Now, will you just let them take care of you..."
And Yeong nods, quieting already, and finally lets himself fully fall backwards against the pillows; eyes never leaving Gon while the nearby nurses gently guide him down.
.
When the nurses are done checking Yeong hasn't altered anything while frantic, they bow and exit the room, and Gu Dong Mae follows them out.
Gon takes a chair next to Yeong's bed and sits down, leaning forward, elbows on his thighs, levelling his head to Yeong's level.
But before Gon can ask Yeong how he feels, Yeong's eyes are attracted to the under side of his neck, again; and so Gon has to explain first - to vanquish any possible lingering doubt about his identity, in case the pull is not only a mix of wonder and oddity at the sight. Gon's voice though break the spell, and right away brings Yeong's eyes to meet his gaze.
"It's gone, indeed, Yeong-ah; but only physically. It's strange. I *remember* growing up not having it; yet I still wear it, in here. (pointing at his head) I guess it will take some time, to adjust to the different layers of timelines. It's like, every two seconds, I discover something new; but it feels familiar. It's not like the first time around. Some things are different now - moments, people: we've changed our past."
"Okay", Yeong simply says. No firm "All right, Pyeha", or "Understood, Pyeha", or "Of course, Pyeha", or anything Yeong-like at all. Just a tiny "Okay" - and it slashes through Gon: how *exhausted* must Yeong be, to be so... not himself - and not even realizing it. Gon can't help but wonder how heavy and foggy Yeong's pain medication actually is. And yet, the trademark absolute certainty and complete trust is still as transparent as ever. Yeong just believes Gon at his word by now; not only not doubting, but also completely unfazed; even if he's still totally unaware of the changes in his own life - judging from what he still doesn't mention. As if nothing new or different matters to him anyway; as long as Gon is Gon from the right universe and is all right.
"But you got the flute, right. And Lee Lim-"
"Yes; and yes. We won, Yeong-ah. Stop worrying."
A tired but blinding smile - full of admiration, and so *proud* of him: "You actually saved the worlds, Pyeha."
Apparently, Gon is still the hero in Yeong's stories.
"I could never have made it without you, Yeong-ah."
And it's the simple truth - and not strictly about the last events at Cheonjongo. It has always been the truth.
"I'm just glad I could be of help."
And obviously, to Yeong, that fact is the reward in itself - no credit necessary.
Yeong though seems to realize something at his words; and looks at once anxious again.
"Did they tell you-"
Yeong starts, raspy, but closes his eyes briefly as he takes a deep breath; and Gon thinks he's in pain and he's about to call back for the nurses, but Yeong then opens his eyes again and restarts, voice once more so uncharacteristically full of dread, no matter how hard he tries to hide it; and Gon realizes that no matter the physical pain Yeong must be in, what he is about to say seems to hurt him even more:
"Did they tell you whether I'd still be fit for duty?"
And Gon is struck speechless. And so angry. And on the verge of tears. All at once.
Who cares?, Gon wants to scream. It's not what matters! But, well: Yeong cares; and it does matter to him - so much, indeed.
Yeongie...
Even having got so lucky as to escape death's clutches only mere moments ago still isn't enough to at least make Yeong pause, but also will blatantly not stop him from wishing to be ready *already* to do just so again. And it is truly infuriating.
But being his Unbreakable Sword is not only all Yeong wants and needs; it's also all Yeong knows. Who could Yeong be - if the whole definition of what he was, if the purpose he had given to his whole life, was to be taken away from him against his will... If Yeong ever was to have a single doubt over his recovery? Yeong would resign. He would still be around, for sure, helping as best as he could (CCTV, planning, whatever); but he wouldn't be in the front line in the field. And Gon aches. He wants it - that way out; for his own selfish sake. Yet he doesn't want it; for Yeong's sake (Yeong would most probably feel useless; diminished, at best). But the truth is that the decision *should* be Yeong's; and only Yeong's. Not Fate's. Not the doctors's. (And definitely not Gon's.)
As far as Gon knows, no bone had been broken, no nerve had been severed; but there is still probably a long way to go before (hopefully complete) recovery...
"I do not know. I haven't thought to ask." And Gon does actually make it sound like the apology it is.
Yeong nods, once, slowly - simply indicating he's heard Gon and believes him and files the information away, even though not looking reassured in the least, and evading Gon's gaze.
"Okay." That not-Yeong word again. It's going to break Gon. Maybe they should just stop talking.
"But right now, can we just take five minutes to appreciate that you're alive, Yeongie; and not bother about anything else?"
For a full second, there is no reaction; and Gon cannot tell if it's because Yeong is half out of it and actually needs time to process what Gon said, or because Yeong feels like he isn't done speaking (even if he's hardly fit for conversation right now) and is pondering whether to indulge Gon just yet. Whatever it is, it is short lived; and, of course, Yeong consents:
"Okay."
The word feels wrong, again; but the sentiment behind it feels just as right as ever. And then Yeong looks at him in that most precious way - with that slow smile, and those transparent soft eyes so evidently full of love that it all just pours out right into Gon's soul - and Gon's already unraveling composure is now definitely about to crack; but for a good reason, at least, this time. And Yeong, no matter his current state, sees it - of course:
"Pyeha..."
And it is too much, suddenly. That word, in that voice, in that way. Again; still - always. So much care; always so much care for him. Even when it is pained; and even when it is pained *because of him* - both figuratively (on his behalf) and well, literally. And new and old memories are suddenly fusing - visions and sounds superposing and merging - and correlated waves of *feelings* are crashing down on Gon at once; leaving him helpless, exposed, and utterly wrecked.
Yeong, shielding his child!self as Gon gives him a nod before going after Lee Lim. (And Gon in retrospect is angry at Yeong - what could he have misunderstood about having been ordered to report any injury! Yeong had been out of breath and obviously shaken when Gon had left Cheonjongo; but Yeong had taken several hits at his vest, yet was still conscious - thanks to his training and out of sheer determination, for sure: so Gon hadn't realized Yeong's state had actually been that alarming. But Gon understands, why Yeong had deliberately ignored his order. Gon *had* to go after the flute. And so of course Yeong had let Gon go: that he was wounded just *couldn't* matter. Yeong had robbed Gon of making a choice because he had understood that there was no choice anyway - only guilt; and Yeong had wanted to spare Gon from that guilt, by taking it on himself. After all, even when he disobeys, Yeong always - *always* - has Gon's best interest in mind. And so the one Gon is angry the most at is himself: how had Gon not *seen*, how truly badly injured Yeong had been? He should have seen.) A presence behind him, around him - but not threatening: gentle, protective. The corpse of his father in the corner of his eye, yet the knowledge that he is safe - that he *is* safe - even amidst the chaos and the fear and the heartbreak. A voice; barely a whisper, calling him 'Pyeha' - not 'Jeonha' - for the first time: and Gon doesn't recognize the voice; but he recognizes how it sounds: he feels the irrefutable truth of it in his child heart - he is loved; he is *so* loved. But it is also not the first time, not even the zillionth time, that Gon hears that voice - and he is loved; he has *always* been loved. And Gon remembers one faceless savior with a near invisible scar at the wrist; and he remembers furtively checking the skin of every adult man in The Palace, for years, with Yeong's help, to no avail. But at the same time, Gon knows - he knows now; not only because he actually saw with his adult eyes Yeong behind and around his child!self, but even more because he *recognizes* Yeong's voice and scar now, in his own new memories. While growing up, Gon hadn't realized it - not when Yeong had got his scar; nor when Yeong's voice had deepened and matured; but how could he have - Yeong had been a child when he had been saved by a man. But it had been Yeong, of course. It is Yeong, indeed. And yes; but no; and it feels so good and so right; but it feels so horrifying and so wrong.
I felt safe, Yeongie. You were dying; and I felt safe.
Gon's breath is knocked out, as if he had actually been punched in the guts; and Gon can't help but turn his face down and away - because how can he look Yeong in the eye right now; how can he *ever* look Yeong in the eye again. And not only because of what happened 25 years ago yet only hours ago; but also because Gon wants Yeong to know, needs Yeong to know - because Yeong just deserves to know: about the first part, at least. But Gon cannot speak any of it right now, so he just clenches his jaw. It is too raw, too fresh; and the last thing Gon needs right now would be to see Yeong's face illuminate at the confession, to hear Yeong tell that this is all he has ever wanted, or worse, that his death would have been worth it, then - and to know that Yeong means it. (On the other hand, Yeong might not be able to appreciate fully the enormity of it all right now; and Yeong would want - and definitely deserves - to be able to fully appreciate it; right?) Gon's internal debate is cut short though, as Yeong's voice calls for his attention once more:
"Pyeha...", Yeong repeats - like *that* yet not exactly like *that*, because it is now not only caring (yet pained) but somehow more urgent too: worried about him, and because of him. A pause, though; probably waiting for Gon's eyes to come back up - before pushing through anyway, honest and earnest, as they still do not. "Thank you. Thank you *so much*, Pyeha."
And this? This feels plain *wrong* too; and for so many reasons.
Because Yeong is thanking him; when Gon should be the one thanking Yeong.
But Yeong is thanking him; and Gon can't help suddenly but wonder whether it's simply for having been able to save his life (a fact), or if it's also for having been *willing* to save his life to start with - for having cared enough to come back to fetch him and try to fix him; and is that simply stating a fact too, or is that somehow a revelation? And it hurts - oh; it hurts. Gon squeezes his eyes and clenches his jaw to keep it all in.
At some point, Yeong obviously *had* believed he was going to die. Had it been after Cheonjongo had been cleared out? Or worse; even before Gon had left to go after Lee Lim? How alone Yeong must have felt - hiding in a corner, 25 years away from home? Had he been afraid? Had he had regrets - regrets over dying for Gon; and maybe even over having lived for Gon? Or had he made his peace with dying, knowing he had at least actually helped Gon, protected Gon, and even saved Gon - both versions of Gon? Had he been angry somehow at Gon for not having seen through him; or had he been relieved and proud about having been able to fool Gon one last time? Had he been in fact hoping and even waiting for Gon to come back for him; and had he felt betrayed, as Gon hadn't? As consciousness had been leaving him, had Yeong thought Gon just hadn't made it on time, or had he thought Gon wasn't even coming at all - and why? Had he wondered whether Gon had just left him behind, now that he was but a broken sword? Or had he feared for Gon's life? (No matter his trust in his abilities, Yeong *always* worried about him.) And if so, had he felt useless - for not being able to catch up and fight Lee Lim at Gon's side? Had he felt guilty? Had he judged himself a failure, for letting Gon down - not only then, but in the future too? As everything had faded to black, had Yeong forgiven Gon for not showing up; either way? So many questions Gon truly doesn't have the right to ask. So many questions Gon is afraid to ever get an answer to.
But the worst, still? The worst is the naked begging and apology as Yeong starts again; completely misreading Gon's silence and (apparent lack of) reaction, maybe for the first time ever:
"But will you forgive me?" - as if having been the reason for Gon's distress and fear and worry and hurt actually meant he had crossed a line.
But it is not Yeong who has let the other one down; and it is not Yeong who must feel guilty.
And just like that, it is not only possible again, but even necessary - vital - to meet Yeong's gaze.
"Don't you know, Yeongie. Don't you know that *I* am the one who is the most grateful; that I am the one who says thank *you*. And not only because you came with me into the past. And not only because you saved me - and you *did* save me, Yeongie; *twice*; *both of me* - which means *you* saved the worlds too, by the way. But also simply because you're here right now. *You're here*, Yeongie. Don't you know how much that fact means to me."
"Of course I know, Pyeha." And the *force* behind the words - no matter the exhaustion? The *certainty*? It speaks volume - it is undeniable. Gon has the answer he cares for the most, for sure; and it feels as if the constricting weight around his ribcage at once vanishes, and Gon can finally breathe freely for the first time in what feels like ages. "That's why I have to apolo-"
"Hush, Yeongie. There is *nothing* you should be forgiven for. I'm angry at myself - not at you. I am mad at you, yes; but that's not exactly new, is it? And I'm honestly *so* glad to be still *able* to be mad at you."
A beat.
Two.
And Gon wishes for Yeong to just drop it; and not fight him over whether or not Gon should be angry at himself or at Yeong the most right now. Thankfully, Yeong relents.
"Okay." Again.
But there's a smile, now: flashing small on Yeong's lips yet lingering for a while longer in Yeong's eyes - aka the I-know-I-am-indulging-you-but-there-is-no-potential-harm-in-it-and-it-makes-me-happy-too-to-do-so smile, actually; and that makes the weird word tolerable, at last.
"Be mad at me all you want, then, Pyeha. Please."
And Gon can't help but smile back; their familiar banter coming out on his own, as normalcy eases back in.
"Who knows; I might even file a complaint this time, Captain Jo. But believe me: you are going to be mad at me too; once Gu Dong Mae's filled you in. So. Let's just call it even?"
A very pointed look - and where does Yeong find the energy for it right now; honestly...
"I guess this means your five minutes are over, Pyeha."
Gon shakes his head - very fondly; even if his voice sounds nothing but definite:
"We're having that argument another time, though."
Another I-know-I-am-indulging-you-but-there-is-no-potential-harm-in-it-and-it-makes-me-happy-too-to-do-so smile.
"Okay."
And this time, Gon doesn't find the word painful to hear at all.
Then Yeong turns serious again:
"But we should agree right now on what to say, Pyeha. I have an official report to write."
So Gon tells Yeong what he already told Gu Dong Mae. They decide to stick with it, and to keep it vague. After all, Gon can claim not having seen much because Yeong had blocked his view; and Yeong can claim not remembering much because of the ordeal he went through. It is after all a very human trait to need things to make sense. So actually letting the guards fill in the holes in the story themselves might be the best way to have them make of it something they will not question. Everyone would be extra alert, until it would all settle down again: but that could never be a bad thing in itself - especially if judging from Yeong's point of view.
By now reassured enough about Yeong's condition, and the most urgent matters all arranged for, Gon decides it is time for him to leave. Not only because there are so many people still needing to see Yeong before he needs to rest; but also because Gon wants Yeong to be *happy*, and he knows how to trigger one realization.
"You let the nurses fret over you as much as they want, Yeong-ah; that's an order. Remember: I will be told if you do not. But I should go for the time being. Your *family* is waiting to see you, you know."
A sharp intake of breath; a surprised gasp:
"I'm Kha Bi and Eun Bi's older brother!"
And Gon lets it take roots in his bones - Yeong's marvel and joy right now; instead of Yeong's tears 25 years ago. It feels indeed like a right way to restart. A better way. Gon actually beams, as he simply confirms what Yeong already knows.
"You are."
Yeong though just *has* to repeat it, apparently.
"Pyeha! I am Kha Bi and Eun Bi's older brother!"
Yeong can't help but move some too in his excitement, then winces and flinches as pain flares up; but it is still worth it, obviously - so worth it, as Yeong smiles. A *huge* smile, reminiscent of Eun Seob's trademark cheeky smile; and it's an odd sight, but a sight Gon wishes to be authorized to get familiar with, even long after Yeong's medication would have faded away.
.
AN:
I have dissolved. I have no energy left to scream around. (But if anyone needs a fierce hug: I'm right here.)
Also. We know Yeong recovered. We know blood ran down his arm. So very lucky shot in the top of the shoulder it is? (and when I say very lucky I mean very lucky - I've checked anatomy figures trying to find the safest spot not only for survival but also for zero long-term damage in this area and it seems to be near inexistent? (I am no authority on the matter though, so feel free to correct me!) - but I do not want my Yeong to feel diminished; ever - okay?)
Then: Kha Bi and Eun Bi are called Kha Bi and Eun Bi in The Kingdom too. Let's keep it simple for Yeong; he's been through a lot and deserve a break and some small mercy. (And just forget about Gon not knowing their names in the show - I mean? NO WAY!)
Also: I believe they realize the new changes in their past once they actually think of them? It's not that the knowledge isn't there already; but they do realize they have that knowledge once confronted with it somehow. It just makes sense to me.
On a side note: I just *had* to have Gon be O- universal donor. And of course I *wanted* Yeong to be AB+ universal receiver. Just bear with me? But extra piece of information: Gon (and most guards) regularly gives blood. It's kept at the Palace for himself if necessary (O- being pretty rare to start with, and using your own blood being probably the safest); but it gets replaced by a fresher O- sample from The Royal Hospital soon before its expiration date if it hasn't been used and it's too soon to take it from Gon again. Which means Gon's blood (and other guards) is actually used to save lives. They all are super heroes.
Finally. Just because perfect song is just perfect for "I GET HURT WHEN I PROTECT PEOPLE AND I PROTECT PEOPLE WHEN I GET HURT" Jo Yeong (and we all know who exactly 'people' here mean), especially in this chapter (I mean: "I can't give anymore" - when he's thinking he's dying *inhuman noise*) : enjoy the heartbreak?
.
Nothing - The Vassar Devils
I am all I have to give away / I am leaning over the edge to make you stay (alive)
I can't give anymore / I can't think anymore / I can't move / I'm under pressure
I will break myself for you / bend my bones if you want me to / pull my heart across the line / I will burn for you every time
Before you there was nothing / after you I'll have nothing - nothing
Coming up empty, letting you in / tell me how you make these words settle underneath my skin
All I know is you / all I feel is you / I can't breathe
I will break myself for you / bend my bones if you want me to / pull my heart across the line / I will burn for you every time
Before you there was nothing / after you I'll have nothing - nothing
I bleed wherever we touch but I won't let go / 'cause I have never been so high from sinking so low
I'm forgetting what is mine as you erase me line by line / I am losing my mind but I'll come back every time
I will break myself for you / bend my bones if you want me to / pull my heart across the line / I will burn for you every time
Before you there was nothing / after you I'll have nothing - nothing
.
(Even though this is first a MCTNA song to me forever, thanks to THIS PERFECT MCTNA VID - BUT DO NOT WATCH IT IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE SHOW YET - HUGE MASSIVE SPOILERS! And believe me - YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED! I REPEAT: YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED! DO NOT WATCH THAT VID IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE SHOW YET! - ( /works/42581034) being the first time I heard it (and because line 10 is the only one that doesn't fit my Gonjo, but is just canon in MCTNA - MY HEART); because of course after having discovered Woo Do Hwan acting in TKEM I just HAD to get more and oh my, MCTNA is AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *unintelligible non-stop suffering and fangirling* - just run and check it out if you haven't seen it yet !)