Edward leaped through the forest, he focused on the path ahead of him not daring to look back, he felt so horrible for leaving her with a ring clutched to her heart.
A ring that will no longer meant anything to her, Edward feels a pull at his heart, it kept throbbing literally screaming at him that he can't afford to leave her.
Then he realized why, an echoing sound of desperation was heard behind him,
he could hear Bella call out to him miles away, he stopped after landing on a branch of a large birch.
"What on Earth is she doing?" Edward wonders. She knows she can't keep up with his speed but still she tries to look for him.
Her calling out to him went silent and Edward couldn't leave until he knows what happened to her, maybe she fell and hurt herself.
"Bella you promised not to do anything stupid" Edward became restless, Why didn't I just walk back to my car instead?
No he can't go and get her, but to make sure she's safe he remained close by but she didn't turn back.
She must have gotten lost.
Ignoring the urge to go up there felt like holding onto a hot iron and It gets even worse,
He didn't want anything bad happening to her, he needs to know if she's all right carefully he stood up and tried to pick up her scent.
Edward remained hidden in the dark and from a distance he could see her, crying with her face buried against her knees.
She was scared and didn't know where she was, Edward clenched his hands and ran back to her house.
Charlie will be back from work in a few hours and to make sure she's safe he went to her house and quickly scribbled a note leaving it on her desk.
Edward reached towards her note pad and kept his dominant hand steady,
Maybe she'll realize that He has mimicked her handwriting and put it there. Hopefully in her heart she knows it could be a small clue that all the things he said is a lie.
Edward had one final glance in her bedroom before leaving.
His car was still Parked and went inside, starting the engine seemed impossible, he wanted to stay, It felt like he's forcefully taken from his home to a horrible place, like a dark prison away from the only one he wants to exist for.
Edward tried again and thought of the worst scenarios of Bella never wanting to speak to him again, he no longer meaning anything to her and finally sees him for what he is.
his hands trembled and automatically he reached for the keys and drives away, when the car went quicker it was easier to drive further away from her home.
Bella accepted his rejection and Edward knew that he burned the last bridge, the final nail on the coffin that makes it impossible for her to want him.
with that conclusion in thought he could move on.
-/-
Edward remained nearby the forest for hours, he couldn't meet his father yet, and waited until Alice checked in.
He thought back about when he left his family for the first time, he loves his new parents so much yet he walked out on them without regret when he was rebelling against Carlisle's philosophy, he felt he did the right thing by only hunting down to disgusting humans who do unspeakable things, He was upset that Carlisle didn't want to follow his lead and that led to their separation, only after a year he started to miss everyone, but still managed to stay away for much longer until he caved in years later.
Edward was convinced he had to beg on his knees to let him come back home but Carlisle greeted him like they spoke a day ago.
But why is it so hard now? He didn't leave her for his own gain, He can't live without his family either but could still leave,.. Maybe it was easier because Carlisle didn't try to make him stay, He viewed this moment as leaving the nest. But Bella was broken.
Bella.. If I have to stay a minute longer I won't be able to remain calm, I must know what happened to her,
What's taking Alice so long? What is she seeing? Edward stepped out of his vehicle and started at the dark pitch area ahead.
Edward squeezed his eyes shut, and all his motivation disappeared, he failed. After he brought her home he won't be able to do this but right now he doesn't care anymore.
If Bella died because he chose to stay he'll just end his own existence as well, he will not linger behind with that horrible guilt.
Edward took a sprint, picking up her scent where she was last heard, " I'm sorry Bella, I'm coming, Stay strong I'm almost there!," Edward said out loud and tried to push forward.
He felt his phone ring and he could hear a tune, Edward stopped and looked at the callers ID.
it only took a second before he picked up.
"Is Bella out of harms way?" Edward said to Alice. She better not be harmed or worse.
"Yes, Bella has arrived home" Alice said to him
" Thank God," Edward said leaning against the tree. He then turned back before he changes his mind He no longer felt that pull towards her, she must have given up to find him.
It almost has been for nothing, Right now Bella is safe, She's home Edward thought about that as he tried to keep himself to stay put.
" I don't know how she got out of there but I saw her enter her truck" Alice said.
" You didn't see anything before that?" Edward asks, it was very strange.
" No.. Everything went black, I was terrified that she fell and is injured but she entered my vision again" Alice said.
Edward looked at the forest, If Bella is at home then there is no reason to go back. she's safe now.
" I want to know why I couldn't see her, is it ok if I investigate?" Alice asks.
"Alice stay put, We've done more than enough" Edward said.
" Do not try and look for her" Edward added not wanting any commentary back and forth about this. It's already hard enough to control his urge to find her.
"Edward.. are you sure about this?" Can't we just look after her behind the scenes?" Alice said and then paused.
"If I go back I won't be able to walk away the second time," We would have to redo our lives again one day, and now it's the time" Edward said.
"It's for the best that we won't form friendships with humans again." Edward said.
"You mean.. " Alice wondered.
"Yes, Bella could have been in more danger if any of the Volturi knows that she was with us" Edward said.
"I understand" Alice said saddened.
"I.. have to go and meet with Carlisle, where are you now?" Edward said.
"Denali, I'll leave with mom to NY tomorrow" Alice said.
"Good, I'll follow as soon as I can" Edward said and closed the conversation.
Edward wanted to start the car and drive home but his hands became numb, he shivered and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel.
Sorrow took over and tearless sobs came out, now that Bella was at home he no longer has to worry about anything. As soon as that was over all the stress and pain he oppressed came out.
He misses her already, his whole chest hurts for what he has done to her, he was mean and downright cruel.
She could have been his wife.. It felt like leaving her at the altar,
Edward breathed out holding on to the steering wheel. He thought back when she revealed the ring,
"I do Bella, I'll be yours " Edward said. He felt the pain fade slightly after accepting her proposal.
-/-
The door of the Cullens house went open with a whip slash of wind and it closed back. Carlisle looked up from a book he was reading, Edward arrived home and didn't acknowledge anyone as he used his speed to reach his room.
It was like Edward got a panic attack, tearless sobs got damped in the carpet as he laid face down on the ground.
"Ohhhh Noooo"
The pain in her eyes were behind his eye lids as he squeezed them shut. He inflicted that on her.
Getting on his knees to be forgiven seemed like a distant future, he couldn't fail now, he has to stay away, but how? The pain of their separation was unbearable already.
there was an urge to break everything around him. Bella is gone from his life.. forever.
His shirt had her scent on it, he was an inch away of going back.
"No..Bella deserves a life" "safe from me" Edward said removing his coat.
"She deserves a life" Edward repeated in his head reaching towards his collar. He needs to get her scent off him.
An hour later Carlisle went to Edwards bedroom and found his clothing spread on the ground, the water of the bathroom was heard running. A silhouette of Edward was seen behind the shower curtain, he was sitting on the ground with his head on his knees. The shower head was like a waterfall against his back but sat in silence.
Carlisle decided to leave him be, maybe when he's calmed down Carlisle could persuade him to go back to Bella.
Edward firmed his grip around his knees as the warm water poured over his frame, the warmth was absorbed by his skin he could pretend Bella was there holding him.
He could see her face in his closed eye lids so healing yet painful, their departure is so hard to exist with, every second it's getting harder.
wondering if it will ever become tolerable. " Bella" Edward whimpered.
Forgive me.. please forgive me for all the things I've said to you, for all the negative memories I've caused.
I know what I've done doesn't resemble anything like Love, what kind of man leaves the woman of his dreams like that you might ask.
But I rather lose you to a better person who is a much suitable husband than risk having you lose everything you hold dear to be with me.
It might not be fair to choose what's best for you, but being a vampire doomed to hell will not serve you in the long run.
One day you will crave to become human again, and I don't want to be the reason why you're a monster.
When I was turned into a Vampire it felt like my birth right to choose my own fate was stolen from me, my future my body no longer belongs to the human I once was.
The real Edward Masen has died that night, only a shadow of the compassionate human was left of me as a vampire.
Thanks to you I know what it's like to be human, my memories of my previous life seem to be coming back.
And don't forget about the pain of turning into a nocturn creature, it's like falling into a tub of acid but instead of dying as your whole body gets burned away, you survive through it, you'll burn for hours, and no morphine can save you from that onslaught or terror.
I can't let you suffer like this, but that doesn't make leaving you easier. I rather feel the pain of turning into a vampire than ever see the look on your face where you believed the lies that I told, I wish I could come back to you. hold you.. If only I could sleep and never wake up just to dream pleasantly of you.
Edward moved slightly from where he was sitting after hours sitting underneath the showerhead. the bathroom was obscured being inside a cloud.
thinking about her helped calming him down, reliving the happiest moments
If Bella ever wonders what his distraction is, then the happiest memory of their time together is the only thing that works for now.
-/-
Another day broke through, Carlisle felt restless he tried to give Edward space but so far it's been quiet. Carlisle called the hospital of forks to see if a Bella swan is in there but so far there hasn't been anything serious. But the psychological damage she'll endure will not leave.
He's starting to feel thirsty and longs to reunite with his family, he misses his wife the most.
Carefully Carlisle went upstairs and to his surprise Edwards clothing was where he left them. Spread on the ground and the water was still running.
Carlisle entered his bathroom but didn't move the curtain, Edward was still sitting in the same position.
"Edward come out" Carlisle said,
"We need to hunt before we leave Forks" Carlisle said.
"If you don't collect yourself right now I'll drag you out" Carlisle said when Edward didn't respond.
Carlisle counted to 10 in his head and brought a hand behind the curtain and closed the knob of the shower head.
"Now Edward!" Carlisle demands strict.
Edward knew he was on his final warning and got on his feet Carlisle then brought a towel pushing it up through the gap of the curtain.
Edward grabbed it he dried his face first and put it around his waist.
Carlisle turned around after Edward moved the curtains to step out.
"Get dressed I'll see you downstairs" Carlisle said.
Minutes later Edward arrived in the living room, his gaze was towards the floor, he looks thirsty and mentally exhausted, he was still wet, his hair drips with water wetting his shoulders.
"She believed me" Edward said in sorrow. " She believed that ridiculous lie that.." Edward couldn't finish what he wanted to say.
"I understand Edward, It's hard but at least you can be relieved that you didn't have to lie to her for hours" Carlisle said.
"You've done the least amount of damage, now rest and give yourself time to heal from all of this" Carlisle said.
"No, I can't heal" Edward said. This gaping hole punched in my chest will never heal.
"I don't feel relief, I feel horrible Father" Edward said. "
"She proposed to me" At first I thought she tried to trick me into staying but she saved for a ring and wanted to ask for your blessing after graduation" Edward said.
"I couldn't say yes" even though every fiber of my being wanted to reach out and drop this facade." Edward said.
"Edward it's not too late, you can still go and make things right" Carlisle said.
"Turn back, I'll come with you" Carlisle said.
"We'll resume our lives in Forks like this never happened, Bella won't be coming here for her safety and you can still be there with her" Carlisle added.
"Carlisle.. what I feel right now is nothing compared to the pain ill endure if anything happens to her" Edward said.
"But what if you want to come back to her and won't accept you ?" Carlisle said.
"There will be no doubt that I have to grovel, but that's only if I want to come back" Edward said.
"I don't want to" Edward said.
"Edward..
"No!, we have to start over one day, now there is a reason to leave, she's not safe with us." Edward said dismissive.
"I do not wish to leave Forks, I don't think I'll feel at home anywhere" Carlisle said.
"This is not the time to prioritize what you want , we never age. People are already growing suspicious"
"Just look at you, you can barely pass for mid 30's and you're claiming you are 45 now" Edward said.
"But after all these years you finally have a mate, You finally met her someone who is made for you" Carlisle said.
"I know father, She'll always be the one who made me wish I was human. I wished I could become a human for her.. and grow old together" Edward said.
"But fate seems to have other plans for me" Edward said saddened that it had come to this.
"Please respect my wishes, I rather regret leaving than regret staying with her because I endangered her life again" Edward said.
"I'll do that, I will move to a different location in Forks and I'll catch up with you as soon as I can" Carlisle said.
"Thank you, But if there is anything you can do for her without her knowing then please do. "
"Besides that I do not wish anyone to interfere" Edward said.
"Please excuse me, I want to be left alone" Edward said turning towards the window.
"I'll meet you at the airport tomorrow" Carlisle said.
"Thank you.." Edward said.
Carlisle assumes that Edward will hunt alone but not until he gives closure to the wonderful time he had with Bella.
He'll visit every place in Forks where they went to and then it's a final goodbye.