"Mother where is Alice?" Edward asks following her, He thought it was strange that she hasn't arrived home yet. Ever since they arrived back she seems gone.
"Well she said she had to do something," Esme said.
"Without telling you what exactly?" Edward asks. For some strange reason he feels that Alice wants to keep quiet about something.
" No, But It's probably because she's planning something nice for all of us and doesn't want you to read her mind" Esme said.
Edward calmed down a little and maybe his mother is right, What if Alice is planning a large trip, unfortunately he can't join, He rather be in Forks, even if he has to spend this holiday alone.
" Don't you want to buy Bella anything?" Esme asks.
Edward shook his head no,
"She hates me" Edward said.
" No, maybe angry but I know for sure that she will never hate you" Esme said.
" I don't think I should," Edward said and looking towards the window where the large flakes are falling.
" I want to give her something, to express how hard it is to live with what I've done, but she already has everything she needs" Edward said.
"The last thing both of us need is disturb her healing journey, It's just going to make me feel worse" Edward said.
" Do you regret leaving her?" Esme said.
Edward wanted to deny it and say It's for Bell's own good but when he glanced over towards Esme his pokerface slipped.
"Yes," Edward shivered. " I want to go home mother, to her and never leave again"
" But I've made it go on for too long, I've said things I can't take back" Edward said.
" It's too late to turn back, she's just going to send me away with my tail between my legs" Edward said becoming distraught.
" You don't know that unless you go and see her, If you are brave enough to break her heart then you should be brave enough to face her" Esme said.
" I don't want to leave you behind, I'll stay in New York with you but I do want to visit her" Edward said.
" Or leave her a Christmas letter to let her know I haven't moved on" Edward said,
" I'm not going to tell you what to do, but reaching out to her could pave a way to come back. " Esme said.
Edward nodded, " Well I need to think about what I should write her"
" No excuse will ever be good enough but It's still worth to try" Edward said gathering courage to just have a leap of faith.
" I'll leave you to it" Esme said as they reached his bedroom.
Without saying anything further Edward looked for a pen and paper.
Edward was at his desk with his face on the table, staying like that for hours. He scribbled something on a paper like a draft before he writes everything on the Christmas card he got from his mother, but wonders if he should just go to her house himself and just beg.
Edward held onto the notepad, he crossed-out heaps of sentences on paper that seemed too insincere or not good enough to make her understand the depth of shame he feels for the way he treated her.
'Dear Bella,
I love you so much..
I can't describe how hurtful I felt leaving you behind and hear you cry out for me to come back.
It's the worst thing I've ever done in 100 years.
I hope that I can meet you so that I can apologize to you in person.
And that you can forgive me one day.
'I was coming back anyway even before the vivid hallucinations of you,
As im writing this I'm fighting to make it through another hour..
It would only be a matter of time and not much of it before I'm back in Forks begging you to take me back.
* scratched out *
'By the way I'm not leaving not without you''the only reason I left is because I wanted to give you a human life.
I'm a good liar, I have to be but for you to believe me so quickly that was excruciating'
I was hoping that If you thought I moved on then so would you, a clean break'
but I never would have thought it was so easy to do,
'You would be so certain of the truth that I had to lie through my teeth for hours to plant a seed of doubt in your head'
* Scratched out *
'
You're constantly in danger because of my presence, I had to try something and no matter how many distance I put between us I could never keep you safe...
'I'm sorry, that everything I've done is a worthless effort, Sorry that I've hurt you,
sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am, I lied to save you and it didn't work'
'How could you believe me? After all thousand of times I told that I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?'
'You believed that absurd lie that I didn't love you, like I could ever exist without needing you'
'Telling you that I don't want you was the blackest kind of blasphemy'
Am I too late? , Is it because I've hurt you too much?
Have you moved on as I hoped for you?' which is fair I won't contest your decision'
'I want to know If you can still love me after everything I've done to you, can you?
* scratched out *
Edward huffed grabbing a pen and tried again to write down his apology letter.
'I want to explain how much you mean to me'
'Before you Bella my life was like a moonless night, And then you shot across my sky like a meteor'
"Oh dang it" Edward said frustrated.
Nothing on paper is good enough, it all look like petty unjustified excuses full of self pity.
Nothing what he wrote down will ever pardon such treachery.
" Can't I just do anything right?" Anything at all?" Edward said looking at the ceiling after he made himself lay on the ground.
He heard Esme knock on the door, " Edward Carlisle called, he's asking if you want to meet him for Christmas shopping" Esme said.
"Well I could use the distraction" Edward thought and went to the door.
Carlisle expects him at the shopping center, and hear the slush sound of his own footsteps.
Despite not looking forward to anything he felt happy he has his family by his side, but after helping his father with gift wrapping he will have to leave.
But if he goes back then maybe everyone else will follow.. His Mother didn't scold him for letting them go all the way to New York probably for nothing now that the truth is out, maybe Mother is just waiting until I say the word that we'll go back to Forks.
He shouldn't torture himself any longer and just accept that his plan failed, It was indeed a worthless effort.
'Only a few more days and it's the holiday season,' Edward thought.
'I wonder what Bella is doing, do you think of me still? no.. I shouldn't expect her to'
'But If I could ask for a selfish gift it would be that she's sitting next to a warm fire cozied up against her parents and briefly thinks of me'
'Because I think of her every single moment, I'm so happy that I can finally go home, and be close to her'
Edward slowed down in pace when he thought he heard someone thinking out loud, He changed paths trying to find out to who it belongs to.
Edward moved his nose like something was tickling, he sniffed around and picked up a familiar scent he followed it and could hear the lurkers thought clearer now.
'I'll kill you, I'll tear you and your family apart'
"Victoria" Edward said grim.
Edward growled at the hostility of her thoughts and wouldn't allow her to touch a single loved ones of his.
Edward looked for her through the forest and there it was, blazing red hair like a curtain traveled through the forest.
Victoria froze when she caught sight of Edward, her eyes lit up with fury.
"I'll make all of you suffer," Victoria thought when she leaned forward ready to lunge at him in a pouncing stance.
" Do not come near my family, if you do you will experience death, " Edward yelled.
" Touch them or harm anyone that matters to me and you'll die slowly, painfully " Edward warns.
Victoria is fighting against her preservation gift as her body shakes.
Victoria snarled and ran towards him, She tackled him and hit him hard that almost his face crackled,
She then stomped her foot against his rib cage creating a large crack in his abdomen, Edward felt her get off him running towards the path that goes all the way to his house.
Edward healed, his eyes shut open and ran after her.
Edward wasn't able to catch up with her, she has been feeding on humans and is able to outrun him this way,
He was thirsty and his eyes were almost turning black.
"Damnit!" Edward said and tried to catch her, her red hair like an inferno slowly started to disappear into the forest,
Edward was on the edge of giving up but then he caught a disturbing thought, he went for a look and saw a man with a small girl.
The man promised her candy if she comes to his flat not too far away,
'I'll drug her and have my way with her, nobody will know I did this' A man thought while his victim a mere child.
Edward felt the same rage when he heard the thought of those crooks who wanted to gang rape Bella and without the girl seeing what happened a blue blur swept the predator off his feet into the bushes miles away, The girl trembled not knowing where the man went.
She then went looking looking for him walking further into the forest.
Swiftly Edward went for the neck no sound was made and drank until his eyes became red, Edward almost got into a blind rage of bloodthirst and smelling the little girls blood not too far away, He wanted more. He could hear her thoughts giving a clear vision where he was.
His eyes glooms and the last small tint of gold in his eyes faded into red, the smell was mind altering like a rosemary pachouli scent attacking his feral senses.
Edward tried to resist but his feet already started to move towards the girl, " No run away" Edward said through clenched teeth.
If he doesn't move now Victoria might escape, he can't let the child he tried to save become a victim.
In mere seconds The thirst obscured any feeling of pity for the unaware human, he snarled and the girl heard that further away and shivered thinking there might be a rattlesnake somewhere.
Edward could hear her heartbeat rising and saw a glimpse of her speed walking away completely spooked. It will only take him a second to snap her neck without giving her a chance to scream and wanted to make a large jump towards her.
" Bella" Edward whimpered and fell on his knees when an image of her were behind his eye lids as he closed them.
Edward snapped out of it and darted towards a different direction and kept running until he couldn't smell her scent, His body was throbbing to turn back and kill her
but his mind was stronger, Mind over matter, Edward squeezed his eyes open and looked for Victoria.
In 75 years he hasn't felt this powerful, 75 years without human blood, but at least now he's strong enough to Hunt Victoria down.
Edward picked up her trail, but for some reason Victoria doesn't seem to be moving, he doesn't hear the clicking sounds of her heels.
He was confused he saw a glimpse of her a second ago, then Edward realized why, she's standing still.
Victoria looked over her shoulder, her eyes taunted him to come closer, she smiled slightly and took a sprint and Edward went after her. Two blurs raced through the forest lane and Victoria Jumped high and reached all the way to the other side, Edward braced himself he jumped but unfortunately gravity pulled him down, he tried to reach for the icy ramp of the large mountain but he didn't made it.
Edward dug his nails into the mountain trying to stop his fall, He looked down and beneath there was a snow ice cold river leading to a waterfall. If he falls he'll never catch up with Victoria. And tried to climb up.
When he reached over the edge there was nothing but snow, a blizzard roaring, Victoria's footsteps weren't able to be traced since she moves very fast over the land.
"Victoria,!" Edward voice echoes.
"You will not get a chance like this again " Edward said.
"Come out you Coward, you wanted revenge right?" Edward mocks.
"Well here I am" Edward said. But there was no sound nor a sign that she's lurking somewhere.
Edward wasn't going to let her leave Victoria alone for wanting to kill the people he loves.
If only he could have drank more human blood,
If He had at least 5 humans to drink from then he would have been faster and stronger than Victoria.
She wouldn't had the chance to get away.
Edward then decided to change plans. He won't go to Forks for now, not until Victoria is gone.
There is only one way to track Victoria down, and Edward hurried back to New York.
Hours later Esme looked behind her startled when Edward shoved the front door open.
His eyes were red and Esme feared he has attacked innocent bystanders.
" Edward what did you do?" Esme asked terrified.
" He wasn't innocent, I killed a rapist" Edward snaps hearing her frantic rants in her mind.
"Edward It's okay, a relapse can happen" Esme said, "But you can't feed on humans no matter how vile they are, please think of the Volturi they could easily catch wind of this" Esme said.
Edward moved away from the door and grabbed her by the shoulders.
Where is Alice" Edward demanded,
" I..I don't know, " Esme said, Edward shot her a furious look but according to her mind she really had no clue.
" Alice, damnit!" "
"What's happening Edward? I'm frightened" Esme said clasping shaky hands together,
" No, Don't be scared I won't let Victoria harm you" Edward said.
" Victoria?"
" Yes"
"Here in New York?" Esme said puzzled.
" I ran into her, She wanted to plan an ambush on us but I chased her away" Edward said enraged,
"I need to know where Victoria is heading" Edward said.
He was furious that Alice was nowhere to be found, just now when he needs her she's out there somewhere.
" You could try and call her" Esme said.
"Right" Edward said digging in his pocket. He was so enraged that Esme had to hold him.
Edward buried his face into her shoulder and wished he could calm down.
"Oh mother, I almost had her.. " Edward said, he was so disappointed in his performance.
"Hush, Victoria won't be able to hurt us if we stick together" Esme said.
"Just don't wonder off alone" Esme said but Edward has no desire to stay up, she could read it off his face.
"Edward don't" Esme pleads following him outside like a Mama hen not wanting to lose her baby.
"I'm sorry mother, but I can't let her get away with threatening the only family I have" Edward said and dialed Alice's number.
When he heard the phone being picked up he felt his blood boil.
"Where are you?" Edward asks before Alice said anything.
" Here" Alice said, she appeared from behind a thick cloud of fog as she placed her cellphone away and carefully walked toward Edward ready to get yelled at.
" You knew this all along,"
"All this time you avoided meeting me so that I won't read your mind" Edward said calm but Alice could tell he was furious.
"I'm sorry, you can wring my neck later but now you need to find Victoria" Alice said.
Bella doesn't want to be anywhere around Vampires according to what Alice has seen. That's why she wanted to start a tracking hunt for him to find Victoria as a distraction.
Edward breathed out, " Thank you. Alice this means a lot"
" Are you not angry?" Alice wonders,
" I was a moment ago, but you never keep things from me without a good reason" Edward said and his face calmed,
"It's just to keep you away from Bella a bit longer, please don't read my mind any further" Alice said and clouded her mind.
Daddy finger, Daddy finger where are you? Here I am here I am how do you do?
Mommy finger Mommy finger.. She kept singing the children nursery rhyme in her head.
That worried Edward a bit, He wouldn't dare to see what Alice is trying to hide, Bella must have forgotten about him,
It's painful but the least he deserves.
Edward wanted to make his return on Christmas Eve until Victoria crossed his path.
Bella must be celebrating the holidays with her new man, there is nobody waiting for him in Forks so returning home can wait.
Edward didn't want to dwell on that sorrowful discovery now that his loved ones are in danger.
"Alice where is Victoria heading?" Edward asks.
"South America, Keep your cellphone, I will report her whereabouts" Alice said.
"Mother tell everyone I'm sorry, I won't be able to celebrate Christmas with you" Edward said.
"But there will be many more years to come, and I'll make everything right with you all" Edward said.
" I promise I'll be back as soon as I can" This will be the last time I'll pressure any of you to leave because of my mistakes" Edward said hoping his Mother can forgive him for the second time of walking away.
"Mother I'm so sorry for keeping you away from Forks" Edward said ashamed.
"Do what needs to be done, I understand" Esme said saddened but supportive.
"Look after yourself Edward and come home to us soon" Esme sobs.
"I'll never leave your side again when this is over," Edward vows, he hates seeing his mother like this.
Everyone is hurting because this and no matter what happens they will only live somewhere else if everyone in his family agrees.
"We can all go home after this" Edward said.
As a family..
-/-
Carlisle got a private airplane ready to South America. Edward needed to do this alone, everyone respected his decision and he will check in with them often, Alice could see the future but he wanted to inform how he's doing himself. Mainly because he doesn't want his family to forget him too.
As the plane rises above the clouds Bella entered his thoughts again.
"I'm too late.." Edward muses saddened.
"Bella I will not ruin things for you I promise,"
"I love you too much to get between that, You will finally have the human life experiences I wanted for you,"
"Hopefully all the sorrow I've caused you is gone now, I will continue to feel mine, The hole in my chest will never heal but when I think of you being happy the pain of being so far away from you is manageable".
"Happy holidays my Bella, I'll celebrate it with you in spirit, "