Edward remained in the Balcony staring at the twilight sky and then watched the sun rise on a new day. Carlisle told him about Egyptian mythology where the Sun God Horus dies at sunset and resurrects at dawn. It symbolizes that everyday is a new chance.
Edward walked passed Carlisle room and heard him call out.
"Edward make sure you've hunted before you meet Bella" Carlisle said.
"I'm doing fine" Edward said. "I uh still have things to do like making supper"
"Why not order something for her?" Carlisle said.
Edward grumbled, He didn't want to explain that Bella like home cooked meals the best. Carlisle could tell he's less talkative and more grumpy when he's combatting the thirst so he decided to step in.
"Edward go for a hunt and I'll take it from here" Carlisle said.
"What does Bella like the most?" Carlisle said.
"Beef Scallopini and ravioli's" Edward said becoming a bit restless. He's fidgety and impatient like he had to explain something for the dozen of time.
"Okay I'll see you later," Carlisle said making Edward leave. But instead of leaving at the front door he climbed on a balcony and reached for the trees to leap over them.
Carlisle shrugged but assumes his feral behavior comes from not drinking on time. Carlisle hopes that today he and Bella will talk things out.
Edward came back and the stench of food was so alien to have around.
Edward smiled seeing the dishes he wanted done just in time.
"Okay I'll see you later Edward, give a call if you need something" Carlisle said.
"May I know where you are going?" Edward walked after him.
"Work" Carlisle said. "I'll take everyone on a day out so that you have the whole house to yourself"
"His father always has been the one who thinks ahead. Regret shimmered in Edward's gut. If only he listened then things wouldn't have been this way between him and Bella.
Edward placed the scallopini on the table, He tries to make the ravioli look just like the dish they had at the restaurant of their so called first date. If only he could eat. It's a shame.
After letting Jacob go Bella's day couldn't get any worse so she went to Edwards home to have a long awaited chat.
She stopped her car and looked at the Cullen's house. It was hard being back here. It no longer feels like a place that's welcoming to her.
Bella placed her keys back in and started, She just wants to leave and just forget about this. They already had a brief talk.
The message is clear and It's better to just leave things alone until Jacob comes back.
A hand was placed on the window she looked up and saw Edward standing he removed his hand from the glass and looked at her anxiously.
" Bella don't leave" Edward said opening the door, "It's okay I made sure everyone is out of the house"
" I rather sit outside" Bella said climbing out and Edward walked after, She sat on a bench not far away from the house.
And Edward sat a bit further away but close enough to make eye contact.
Edward seemed to be better looking now that he has hunted, his eyes were in a brown coffee color, he probably didn't drink enough but seems like he didn't want to stay away longer, He seems happier but yet more careful, fearing he might do something wrong that would make her snap.
"Bella, thank you for coming, I do hope It's not a timely visit." Edward said.
Bella didn't respond, She keeps her future with Jacob in mind and doesn't want to fall back in love again, she knows that's what Edward wants.
He looks so lovely like he never left.
"Can you please say something?" Edward said, " It's ok to be angry with what I've done so whatever it is that troubles you right now I want it to be resolved"
"Or if there is something I can do to give you relief.." Edward suggests.
It was like anger is the only obstacle of having her back, but the wound he caused cuts much deeper than that.
This was betrayal, He lured her to her possible death and leaved her there. Yet he acts like this can be solved with just talking.
Bella inhaled, and wanted to get this over with before she loses her nerve. Edward has been very kind and patient just like the day they made the relationship official.
and the last thing she wants is feeling sorry for him.
" Now that you are here, I hope we can.." Bella said and paused.
Edward waited for her to continue; he hopes she wants to take him back.
" Part ways on good terms" Bella said, " I'm not a big fan of a cold goodbye and If we can do that over" Bella said.
" In a respectable way then I can finally let you go now, I'm setting you free" Bella said she smiled a little but her eyes moved saddened.
Edward held on to her hand but she didn't brush him off.
" It doesn't have to end like that," Edward said.
" This is what needs to be done, eventually we will have to say goodbye to each other anyway, I don't have eternal life"
" And there are places in America that offers better options for education, you like Forks very much so you should stay here" Bella said.
" But we can stay with each other forever. If you want to I'll turn you myself" Edward said. Bella looked disapproving she doesn't want to be a vampire anymore but said nothing to avoid making this evening go sour.
" I can't let you go Bella, not without giving everything I've got.. if you still decide to send me away after I've tried everything then I'll tolerate my defeat" Edward said. he then sat on his knees humbling himself.
" But I can't do it now," Edward added,
" You didn't have a problem letting go in the forest" you say you don't want to exist without me but you lived your life perfectly fine pretending I don't exist" Bella said.
" That's not true Bella, I literally curled up in a fetus position for months," Edward said.
" But you didn't look after me" Bella said. " Why didn't you do that? In a way I would have been a part of your life and it would have been easier to forgive all of this" Bella said.
" I couldn't do that without ruining everything I tried to save you from, If I would have seen a glimpse of you then I would have come back the same day" Edward said.
" I find it very hard to believe I meant anything to you, You left without looking back, you did nothing to make sure I'm ok, I had to fend for my own" Bella said becoming agitated.
"The Quileute tribe helped me with my grief I'm not even their responsibility but they still patrolled around my house to keep any lurking enemy at bay" Bella said.
"Bella I did try to look after you behind the scenes, but I didn't want to stalk you.. I thought giving you the tools to look after yourself would be better" Edward said.
" What tools?" Bella asks.
Edward decided to remain quiet about the scholarship, He wants her to keep it, If she knows it comes from him then it might to more harm than good.
"I wanted to pay for Dartmouth and send money to replace your car for an Audi coupe"
"but I thought that would create too much suspicion"
"Also you wanted to win that new Radio for Christmas so I bought every lot and asked Alice which number will win so I marked that one" Edward said.
Not only that. but I tried to make sure that you'll never have to be alone.
" While I was making plans to leave, I ran into Billy Black, I asked him to look after you every now and then" Edward asks.
he remembers his encounter with Billy, He drove past his car and could hear his thoughts.
'Cullen! The cold one! what shall I do?' Billy thought and Edward shot him a glance,
Edward then decided to follow him in a public area to avoid spooking him even more and made his humble request to protect Bella.
Bella's face curved into a tight line, not saying anything. She now realizes why they all of the sudden accepted her. They used to be grossed out by her for being a leech lover.
Yet Billy never said a word about this, She will ask further questions later.
" Are you even more angry with me now?" Edward asks cautious.
"Well you know that I don't like it when a lot of money is spend, but it's my fault for accusing you of not doing anything" Bella said.
" But why couldn't you just offer to stay friends? from a large distance " Bella wonders.
" I didn't think you ever wanted anything to do with me after I told you that I'm ending the relationship," Edward said.
" I should have done that but what If you wouldn't move on even if we remained friends" Edward said.
" I would have, If just staying friends is what you wanted I would accept, At least a part of us will remain in good terms,
" It's a softer version of an end to our time together Something I could live with." Bella said wiping a tear.
" I will move on like you want but I don't have to feel miserable and have my whole world freeze in time" Bella said.
" Bella if I could turn back the clock I would have done that, but maybe It's not too late to make this mistake right" Edward said.
" We can stay in contact from now on if you would like that still" Edward offered. He didn't want to be a friend he wants to be more than that. If only he could marry her.
"No, It's okay you don't have to be here because of guilt" Bella said.
" I'm not doing this because of guilt,"
"Yes, I feel guilty for what I've done but my offer is sincere. I want you in my life Bella but only if there is still a part of you that wants me here" Edward said.
"Edward did you ever heard of the saying Actions speak louder than words?" Bella asks.
Edward then understood where she was coming from and ashamed he nodded yes.
"If I was the love of your life you wouldn't had the strength to leave," Bella said.
" You would not have said those things, If my love meant anything to you, then you wouldn't risk losing it" Bella said.
"Do you know about the saying that if you truly love someone you will let them go?" Edward asks.
" That's what I did as a true act of love, to let you go and be happy" Edward said.
"Even if I lose everything you gave me, I love you enough to set you free no matter the cost, even if I no longer mean anything to you one day" Edward said.
" I know that I caused you pain, But you'll be in more pain if I stayed" Edward said. " I only came back to see If you are safe and happy"
" Not to claim you for my own again, I'm sorry for trying to keep you for myself" Edward said.
"This is not enough Edward, You ruined my Christmas, When I was suffering I forced myself to smile while I was crippled with sorrow.
" I forced myself to be happy around Charlie because this could have been his last Christmas on this Earth."
" The least you could have done is wait, prom doesn't mean much, but I always wanted to have our first Christmas together"
" Every night I was standing at my window hoping you could come back when Christmas eve came around with no sight of you I felt so enraged" Bella said.
"Knowing for sure that I was abandoned by you felt horrible" Bella said.
"Why didn't you come back when I still wanted you here?" Bella said furious while her voice broke.
" Bella" Edward wanted to reach but Bella moved away,
" I wanted to come back, I know how much that day meant to you, but.. I thought I went too far with this, that having me appear at your doorstep will make you hate me even more" Edward said.
"But there are plenty of more holidays to come, if you still want to.. we can Celebrate this Christmas together," Edward said.
" I can never make the previous one right, but can I at least make sure you'll have the Christmas eve you've always wanted? We'll go to Leavenworth"
"And If It's not too late, I hope I can accept your offer to marry you" Edward said groveling.
" You declined my offer so unless I propose again It's no longer valid" Bella said dismissive.
"Then I'll propose" Edward said wanting to bow on one knee.
" No No No! Stop" Bella said and Edward stood up straight again eying her trying not to show his hurt feelings.
" I'm not spending the Holidays with you, I already made plans with my friends and I'm not putting them aside for you ever again" Bella said.
" As for marriage," Bella said cold.
"You've proven that my love never meant anything to you because you assumed that what I felt for you is just fleeting emotion" Bella said in a bitter tone.
" Do you really think that this will make everything better?" Bella said,
" It might have worked last year, I was gullible back then but I've changed, I've hardened myself because people come and people go"
" Even Vampires" Bella said and when she blinked her eyes went from cold to disappointment.
" I didn't mean it like that Bella," Edward said,
" I never doubted that your love for me was real, but I thought it will fade over time because it happened in so many marriages where humans fall out of love for no reason. Out grow each other and only Vampires stay in love forever because we don't change or progress over time" Edward said.
"When we fall in love it remains intense"
"We don't fall in love with others or have the wandering eye,"
"As soon as we found our mate we never want to be far away from each other, but how many times humans have committed affairs because they found love elsewhere?" Edward said.
" And I know you will outgrow me one day" Edward said. " You would want something more " Edward said.
"That's what I meant with that, It's still a very cruel thing to say.. and I'm ashamed for doing that, but I don't view your love as a feeling, It was the most precious cargo I possessed"
" I just thought that love belongs to someone better," Edward said, he wanted to carefully reach out to Bella's hands but Bella got away from his reach again.
" Maybe it's not my emotions that are fleeting, It's just yours, You are fickle like the weather of Forks" Bella said.
" Because I would never assume that I can just step on people's heart because they will get over me anyway"
"There is something more important than love Edward" Bella said getting into his face.
" Respect" Bella said.
"You respect your partner when you are with them, and you respect them when you part ways" Bella said.
" I understand your fear of a broken heart, but that never excuses you to become cold yourself" Bella said.
" If you truly feel humans are incapable of loving forever, then you should have known better than inviting me into your world" Bella said.
" You could still love me without mentioning it, you could still be there and you could let time be your answer if my love for you is eternal or not" Bella said.
" At least that's what I would have done If I was a vampire falling in love with a human" Bella said.
" Bella, you are right about that, I should have tried to make a decision that both of us could live with, I should have ended things with you respectfully" Edward said,
" But I'm still willing to do one last act of love for you, If you want me gone forever I will let you go" Edward said.
" Not because I'm giving up on you, or that I'm not willing to fight for you, but because I don't want my presence to cause you more pain." Edward said.
" I will not abandon you again dear Bella, I will always be in Forks.. but I can leave right now If that's what you prefer" Edward said.
"Not yet," Bella said.
" I want us to part ways in good terms, but in order to do that I want a clear head, I don't want to feel any anger or hurt" Bella said.
"When I feel that all has been forgiven I want us to say goodbye and on that day of our departure you can have a chance to make everything you want right" Bella said.
"After all, you deserve closure too" I don't want you to suffer forever" Bella said.
" I will always mourn that I've lost you, but If you're happy then so am I" Edward said calm but his eyes displayed intense sorrow,
Bella almost wanted to touch his cheek.
Hold him, tell him to forget what she said about parting ways for good, she does want to see him around just like any other person she knows in Forks.
But what has happened once can be done again, She could take him back right now and all he has to do is think of the reasons why he left in the first place and she's left with a wounded heart again, that pain was so horrible that she won't survive this a second time and Jacob might not want her back for choosing Edward over him again.
Her classmates started talking to her again after apologizing profusely, reluctantly they accepted her invitation to her birthday and they talked it out, but it's still rough.
it was so hard to be granted forgiveness for letting Edward overshadow their existence, and she can't let them down a second time, If Edward leaves again for whatever reason they will be the only ones she has left. They are her life raft.
Edward noticed Bella remained quiet like she's in deep thoughts, cautiously Edward rested his hands on her lap.
"Can I please have one chance to help you with anything you need" Edward said, her scowl loosened.
" I want to at least make proper amends for leaving you in the forest, I need to do more than just apologize for that" Edward said.
"What do you have in mind?" Bella said.
" Supper" Edward said.
"I made Italian, after that I would like to head to the Meadows.
Bella wondered why he wants to go there with her facial expression.
"To make amends" Edward said.
And you can't do it here?" Bella asks.
" I can," Edward said. " But that was our spot"
"Right now I rather eat something and then go home" Bella said.
"We'll plan a day for the Meadows another time" Bella said.
"Okay," Edward said, "Will you come in?"
"Yes" Bella said.
Bella's heels touching the ground echoes as she walks after Edward. They arrived at the dining room and and a scent candle leaves a perfume of lavender mixed with honey.
"Have a seat" Edward said and Bella held on the sides of the chair when Edward pushed the chair closer to the table. Bella looked down on the ground a bit nervous.
Edward eyed her a bit confused,
"Dropped something?" Edward asked.
"No, but I think you scratched Esmee's floor" Bella said.
"I'll take the blame" Edward said.
Her worries about everything is so cute, My Bella.. she hasn't changed much, She's still the kindest most heartwarming human I ever got to know. Edward thought watching her take a peek under the lid of warming pan to take a better look at the Scallopini's.
Bella managed to smile like she forgot she's upset with him.
Bella wants to talk to him like old times but what can she say that doesn't end up with talking about the horrible break up? She could see in Edward's hesitant behaviour that he really wants to talk it out but her heart can't take it.
She has no idea how to have a conversation with him after not talking to each other this long so she'll try doing the 99 questions. She's certain with that it can snowball into a meaningful chat without bringing up the past.
"So any plans for the future?" Bella asks after cutting a ravioli, it still seems too hot for consumption.
"No" Edward said after pouring her glass full of soda.
"Not even University or college?" Bella asked.
"I've done everything I wanted to do when it comes to learning, I almost know every language, I've redone high school countless of time and pretty much learned everything Universities have to offer" Edward said.
"Why are you redoing high school all the time?" Bella wonders.
"Well why do you think?" Edward said.
"I don't know" Bella shrugged her shoulders.
"Because I was turned 1 day before my 17th birthday"
" It's mandatory to go to school until you are 18 years of age almost everywhere and because we try to blend in with humans we just try to do whatever we can to avoid any suspicion" Edward said.
"Some people still believe in Vampires"
"You're 16?" I feel like a cradle robber" Bella joked.
"That one day doesn't count Bella" Edward said in defense but he was amused too.
"Why do your other siblings go to high school?" Bella asked.
"For solidarity I assume" Edward said. " We are rarely apart"
Their interactions feels so peaceful, She almost likes him better this way. He used to be broody and not always nice even when they were official.
The jokes she makes today was something she couldn't get away with without making him annoyed. Like when she made a lottery analysis at Phoenix hospital he got on his guard right away and almost snapped at her saying that he's worth more than a lottery ticket.
Edward has changed for the better. It was gentle like a sun shining over her world.
"You had many friends at high school?" Bella wonders.
"No.. It was hard to be friends with anyone, they would grow old and die. I didn't want to mourn or vaguely explain what I am and why I don't age" Edward said.
"Have you ever fallen in love before?" I mean before I was born" Bella said.
"No.." besides finding a few women attractive I never wanted more from them" Edward said.
"That's so strange, for 100 years you never met anyone who would swipe you off your feet" Bella said.
"Have you ever fell in love before we met?" Edward asked.
"No, I need to form a bond first before I fall in love" Bella said, She darted her eyes away from his gaze and changed the subject.
"How was the roaring 20's?" Bella asked.
Bella noticed light confusion in his features but his eyes warmed up
"I didn't see much of it, I was mostly in remote places of the world to control the blood thirst" Edward said.
"Alone?" Bella asked after blowing against a chunk of food.
"No, my parents were there, I was introduced to a vegetarian diet until my desire for human blood became less" Edward said.
"How long did you remain there?" Bella asked.
"Not very long, when my mind reading powers became more developed I went back to civilization"
First I could only hear people's thoughts when I make eye contact with them and when I could hear every thought around me I decided to rebel against Carlisle" Edward said.
"Which time area you like the most?" Bella asked.
"Uhm.. the mid 60's and 70's were great" Edward said. On Sunday we weren't allowed to change the channel or disturb mother while she was dancing to the soul train" Edward said.
"What's your all time favorite's movie? I grew up watching Disney" Bella said.
"Hmm 1948's Hamlet" Edward said after thinking.
"Did you Also experience world war 1 and 2?" Bella asked.
"Yes, kind of.. Carlisle helped a Jewish family seek shelter,"
"But That's pretty much it, we helped people behind the scenes, after the war ended we moved to Virginia and in the 90's we went to Forks" Edward said.
"Due to the weather we can live our lives un disturbed" Edward said.
"So what if you could have been human a bit longer, what would you do?" Bella asked.
"If I was human still I would have been drafted to fight in the first war" Edward said.
"Oh that's awful" Bella said placing an empty glass down.
"No"
"I wanted to become a soldier, to make my mother proud" my biological mother that is" Edward said.
"But I got ill and you know what happened after that" Edward said.
"Oh Want more?" Edward asked Bella nodded and Edward gave her a full glass of coke.
Bella drinks like that toxic junk is water, yet wonders why she had a hard time falling asleep. It's lovely seeing her so care free.
"Well I'm glad you survived, otherwise we never would have met" Bella said.
"You're happy we've met?" Edward asked surprised.
"Yes.. before all the problems occur I was quite happy" Bella said.
Edward placed a hand on top of hers, and they eyed each other.
"I'm happy we met too Bella, and I'm even more happy that you are here now" Edward said.
"How was high school in the 90's?" Bella changed the subject.
"What's with these questions?" Edward said but he was smiling so that was a hint that he wasn't annoyed with her asking him about all kinds random things.
"Well you experienced so many time area's, and you're still alive to tell the tale," Bella said.
"You're the closest thing I got for a time machine" Bella said.
Edward held her scalp close to his shoulder. When he heard her suppressing a yawn.
"You can ask me anything you want, but I wish you didn't hop to a different subject out of nowhere"
"It's a bit weird to me" Edward said.
"Sorry.."
"Don't apologize.." Edward said.
"Oh sorry" Bella said.
"Hehehe" Edward smiled.
"Gosh I missed having you over" Edward thought.
Bella had her hands around Edward's waist it was a bit hard keeping her eyes open.
"I'll give you a ride home" Edward said.
"I always get sleepy when I ate" Bella said.
"Come" Edward said and they walked towards the balcony
"No wait" Bella said and Edward leaped towards a tree with Bella on his back.
"Ahh" Bella shrieked, wind blew in her face and they went higher up in the tree when they reach to the top Edward felt Bella tremble.
"Want to go down?" Edward asked.
"Yes" it's too high" Bella whined.
"Nooo not like that!" Bella cried when Edward jumped down and held on to another tree.
Bella sounded like those squeak dolls with every leap but after that she let out happy squeals, finally enjoying the piggy back ride around the forest.
When they landed on a large branch Bella came off his back to enjoy the view.
Forks was foggy but the sunset was pink and purple coloured. Bella eyed Edward he sparkled slightly and Edward heard the blood in her veins rush faster like a buzzing river.
It might be too late to head to the meadows now but he's positive their visit there will be much better.
Maybe.. hopefully he'll get to kiss her.
Bella fell asleep and Edward carefully placed her in her Chevy truck, the engine trembled and made a lot of noise when it went passed 60 but the loudness didn't wake Bella.
He got her upstairs and only removed her shoes. Edward cleared out from the window and reflected on the day they spend together.
It was slow paced and not the best day he had with her, she was still so careful hesitating.
She must have a lot on her mind, If only he knew what she was thinking. It's so frustrating that he still can't know.
But after going through hell all by himself it was like cold water was dumped on him, he no longer feels in pain now that having her come back no longer seems so far away.
Edward knows he's not there yet, but when Bella finally sees for herself that he's not going anywhere she'll come back herself.
Bella heard the melody Edward composed for her when they fist started dating in her short dream, it sounded so wonderful. Edward and her were outside near her house and this time he accepted her proposal.
Bella woke up with a jolt finding herself in her bedroom the window was open and she slept almost until the next day. She flinched when her alarm clock started to beep.
Realizing her afternoon with Edward wasn't a dream. She really went up there..
"No-no-no" I can't allow myself to fall for his charm again." Bella said to herself out loud.
"Not now that I promised Jacob that I'll marry him," Bella thought,
"Jae has been so good to me.. and during the dinner I pretty much forgot about him and my true family" Bella thought,
she cried in her pillow feeling so much regret.
"This is what I'm so afraid of, dropping my guard and then have him go from kind to cold like an light switch"
"And just leave me behind with a bigger hole in my heart" Bella thought feeling distraught.
"No, anger is the key" Bella said.
"I need to stay angry.."