Edward slouched towards his car like an elderly man, growing tired of his existence like in Rio. he clutched his keys in his hand. He has no idea where he's going. It feels like a hopeless attempt to try and find relief.
It's been weeks since he last spoke to Bella, the first few days were easy because he was a little sore but now he's just fighting to get through the next hour.
Alice only sees black voids in her Vision so that means she's with the wolf and that's good, he's looking after her.
Edward longer feels he has a place in the world. During the holidays when his family were celebrating he just stared at the window watching the snowflakes fall.
Edward started the car and drove off keeping his mind occupied at the Hoh rainforest.
Carlisle was present in the house and watched on as Edward leaves without a word again, he wanted to stay out of things and let his son solve the problems he caused himself
but seeing him staying alone by himself and not do anything besides mourning his loss was hard as a father.
maybe he could give a helping hand.
" Are you okay Carlisle?" Esme asks coming to her husband's side,
" I feel a little saddened for Edward,
"I don't know what happened the last time they met but they really need to talk about this"
"maybe I can try and let Bella visit us" Carlisle.
" Maybe you shouldn't, I mean you could make things worse" Esme said.
" Maybe, but It's worth trying, I don't want to see our family so detached from each other, I want things to go back to normal" Carlisle said.
"I suppose I could also ask to be pardoned for leaving like that" Carlisle said.
" She doesn't want to come back to here, It's clear that our departure has hurt her more than we expected" Esme said.
"Yes, so that's why I'm sending you all on a trip," Carlisle said.
" A trip?" Esme asks.
" Correct, at least for a few hours so that Edward and Bella can talk things out, I'll even make Italian food" Carlisle said.
" Please Esme, I'll buy anything you want" just name it" Carlisle said.
" How about dinner at Esme Island? just the two of us" Esme suggests.
" Deal" Carlisle said.
-/-
Carlisle carefully walked down the hall that reaches the school cafeteria. The others were sitting at their usual table minus Edward.
Bella was nowhere to be found, but picked up her scent near the teachers office.
She was sitting by herself to avoid the others, and Carlisle prepared himself to get shooed away by her.
That's not the worst thing that can happen to him, he has been through a lot worse.
Carefully he walked towards her and called out, She looked at his direction and shot him a neutral look, her hand darts towards her backpack and seemed like she wanted to leave.
"Bella please don't, I.." Carlisle said.
"I won't take much of your time but can we maybe have a word? I won't bother you again after this" Carlisle said, Bella noticed that Carlisle's eyes seemed so warily, like he expects her to unleash her rage on him any second now.
She wanted to tell him to go away but didn't had the strength to shout.
"What do you want?" Bella said quiet.
"I was hoping I could be pardoned, I never wanted to leave and we had so many heated arguments but to avoid letting the family fall apart I gave in" Carlisle said.
"Why on Earth did you follow his lead like a mindless puppet?" Bella said.
"You're a grown man, over 300 years old and you let a forever teenager dictate what you can or can't do?" Bella snaps.
"Where is your spine or your sense of authority? Esme did the same thing, aren't you supposed to be the parents? Because the way you acted it was like you're a team player he's the leader" Bella said.
"All of you do exactly what he says instead of standing your ground"
"So please spare me the excuses and just say what you have to say so that I can be alone" Bella scoffs.
"Okay, I have a few questions for you" Carlisle said waiting for permission to speak.
"Let's hear it" Bella said nonchalantly. She was hoping her disrespect would make Carlisle irate so that she has another reason not to deal with the Cullens again but Carlisle chose not to take it personally.
"So what is the real reason why you are so hesitant to come back? I won't be reporting anything back to Edward.. I just want to understand.." Carlisle said.
"I got plenty" Bella said.
"Enlighten me" Carlisle said.
"Well the reasons Edward gave was absolutely ridiculous, "about saving my soul, and I need to be saved from his world" Bella said.
"That's not enough to outweigh the psychological damage I had to endure" It won't make all the pain poof just because he admits that it's all done for my own good.
"If all of you were blackmailed by that evil Vampire mafia Edward spoke about" Bella said.
"You mean the Volturi" Carlisle said.
"Yes.. If that was the case
"Then I understand ,
"But that's not the reason why you all left, It felt like I'm being punished that night" Bella said.
"Nobody was behind the scenes pulling strings,
"If all of you were threatened or manipulated by the Volturi for letting a human know that you exist, and If you your only options were leave Forks or die then I would understand" Bella said.
"Even the harsh approach, the clean break. All of that would make sense because lives are at stake,
but there is nothing noble behind any of this, It was because he made a decision for me while I had zero say in things like I'm nothing but a child who doesn't know what's best for me."
"And my main reason why I don't want to is because I remember what my grandmother always used to say,
My grandmother Marie always said to choose security over love" Bella said.
"Before all of this I thought it was ridiculous, I rather have a man than a career and I was willing to forget about college and just get married to Edward.. until all of you slammed a door in my face" Bella said.
"I'm doing what's for the best, Education and staying with Jacobs family is my security. He and a handful of friends forgave my mistakes for letting my relationship with Edward overshadow them"
"If I choose Edward then he can think of another reason to leave, nothing will make him stay,and he can promise me the world that it will never happen again but I can't count on it," Bella said.
"So with other words im doing exactly what he wanted, im staying away from vampires and their world" Bella said. "I should have done from the beginning but I ignored everyone who tried to warn me about your kind,"
"I should have known better because..
If you're fascinated with a Tiger don't climb in its cage, no matter how enchanted you are ending up as dinner is always an option" Bella said.
Carlisle shrugged but didn't fire back, Edward got angry for calling him a monster but Carlisle remains collected and Bella bit her tongue.
"But not all of us see humans as dinner, for centuries I felt repulsed by my desire for blood I've learned to control it but with some of us a momentarily relapse happens" Carlisle said.
"Well A tamed tiger will always be feral, It can still lash out, I still don't understand why I didn't take the dangers into account, I guess I was stupid enough to think that my love could provide restraint. " Bella said.
"It was dumb but I've learned from this and I just want to lead a normal life" Bella said.
"Will things ever be okay between you?" Carlisle asked.
"No, because good men don't need second chances they do excellent on their first try." Bella said.
"But all of us have our short comings, and things we need to work on, I'm trying to say that you shouldn't live by the sword" Carlisle said.
"You mentioned before that you left your friends behind for Edward and they accepted you back, but what if your friends think the same as you?, living by the sword" Carlisle said.
"You wouldn't had the chance to heal with their help, they gave you a second chance" so does that mean you aren't a good person for needing a second try to do better?" Carlisle said.
"You're right about that, I did screw up, but when I look back I just feel so angry" Bella said.
Carlisle pushed a box of tissues towards her and Bella grabbed one to mop the pending tears coming out.
couldn't even drive my truck, I didn't even get a proper goodbye, It was so sudden, I was left behind and for weeks I felt like I'm worthless"
" If Edward planned to stay just a bit longer he could have made Charlie's last wish come true,"
" How can I ever trust him again?" Bella asks.
" What was Charlie's final wish?" Carlisle asked saddened.
Bella teared up and blinks it away, " Seeing me getting married"
"Give me away at the altar with the secure feeling that I'm in good hands" Bella said.
Carlisle understands now why Bella is so reluctant in taking Edward back, his departure didn't just cause her a heartbreak.
" Is there anything I can do for you now?" Carlisle asked careful.
Bella shook no.
" Charlie is gone, he's buried next to his parents and the only thing that will make this better is seeing him again when It's my time to go" Bella said.
Bella scowled a bit wanting to choose her words carefully to discuss the next subject.
Did Edward asked you to talk about this?" Bella asks.
"No," Carlisle said.
"He wanted to give you a call or visit your house but he thinks you might still be angry"
Bella swallowed, she didn't contact him because she thought he was angry with her for the dumb things she said.
" Well not anymore, I don't want him to feel miserable just because of the mistakes he made" Bella said.
"I made mistakes too.. and I'm forgiven so I should do the same" Bella said.
" I'll come over very soon to discuss his future career and choose which University is for the best" Bella said.
"I'm positive that would be a good distraction for him, just focus on his education" Bella said smiling.
Carlisle didn't respond to that,
"It's you he wants" Carlisle said.
"And he can have me, as a friend" Bella said.
"That's as far as I'll go" Bella added.
"Thank you for this chat, I feel a bit better now that we spoke" Bella said.
"Sorry" Bella said and Carlisle wiped her eye with his thumb.
"It's okay, I don't feel offended." Carlisle sad.
Bella embraced Carlisle, she leaned against his shoulder mainly because she felt it the wrong for the disrespect she displayed earlier.
Carlisle cradled her scalp,
"Take care of yourself Bella" Carlisle said and as he promised he left Bella in peace, When he was out of sight of humans he used his speed to head back to his office The staff at the hospital were looking for Carlisle and he said that needed to go to the bathroom since he probably ate something wrong.
When Carlisle was looking at the assignment of his internship students Esme called.
"Honey how did it go?" Esme said.
"Bella was callous at first but when I didn't argue back she was open to talk" Carlisle said.
"It went very well and I even invited her for dinner" Carlisle said.
"When?" Esme asked. She couldn't believe that Carlisle got through to her while Edward tried with all his might for weeks and failed.
"Soon but don't let Edward know, I want to surprise him" Carlisle said.
-/-
Edward sat at the Piano frustrated he couldn't play any song without being upset with himself. only Bella's melody goes very well and he wishes she was here.
He then glanced over to the smartphone that is laying on his tidy desk, He wants to ignore the urge to give her a call. What if he makes another error?
so far she hasn't reached out either, he would have picked up within a second.
Edward looked outside of the large window of his room, what's the point of being in Forks..? He could just finish High school elsewhere, maybe Alaska.
"Will I ever be happy again?" Edward wonders to himself. He's tired of immortality. He could have just let the venom spread. She would have been like him.
But in a way it's good that she remained human, imagine having Charlie die alone thinking that he'll see his daughter again in heaven but she won't be there. She would be a vampire bound to hell.
Edward thought he was seeing things when familiar car drove by and went around the corner disappearing behind the trees. Wait that's Bella. Edward thought.
He assumes that she just had to go somewhere, but it was nice to see a glimpse of her.
Then his gut clenches when he noticed Bella walking towards his house, she was parking her car to see him? His day couldn't get any better.
she walked inside the garden and Edward could smell her scent, he rushed towards his closet mirror and adjusted his coat, dusting off some fluff sticking on the fabric to look representative.
and moved his hair from his face to give himself a welcoming appearance.
Edward looks so happy that he walked down the stairs being in an excellent mood, his eyes sparkles. and for once in days he could smile.
"Bella, she's coming here" Edward said, seeing his father prepare food and side dishes.
" I know, I asked her to come" Carlisle said.
" Dad Why didn't you tell me?" Edward said but didn't lose any of his high spirits.
" It was a surprise" Carlisle said and the door bell sounded.
He saw her silhouette behind the glass of the door, her brown hair over her shoulders, he's not hallucinating, she's here.
Edward was at the door in a split second and opened welcoming her Merrily.
" Hi" Edward said fighting the urge to hold her tight.
" Hello Edward, Carlisle asked me to drop by, may I come in?" Bella said returning the smile.
"Yes please do" Edward said and held onto her hand.
"Bella, I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you" Edward said as they made their way to his room.
"Oh well I guess I did step out of line," Bella said, "I also brought you something"
"What did you got?" Edward asks sitting down.
"Flyers and application forms" Bella said.
"Flyers.. for what?" Edward asks wondering if he was wrong about her reason for coming here.
"You're going to University" Bella said gleeful and placed a pile of it close to Edward.
" You probably went to heaps of universities in life but It's always an important decision to make" Bella said.
Disappointed ripped through his warm demeanor and felt he just got trolled. Carlisle didn't tell him she came for just this.
'I knew it, this was too good to be true' Edward thought as he was unable to respond to Bella fearing he might shout.
" I won't go to university" Edward said dry.
" But I think you should, You can focus on something else.. and maybe choose a career you never had before, I mean I wished I could be a student forever" Bella said.
"Bella.." I really don't need this" Edward said and wanted to pick the flyers from the table.
" How about Dartmouth?" Bella said not responding to Edwards lack of interest and placed the form in front of him after he sat down.
" Bella stop" Edward said, smacking the pen down that she placed in his hands.
" But.." Bella noticed his eyes were pitch black
" Shall I fill the application forms? You can go and hunt a few elks" Bella said.
"You don't seem to understand!" Edward said becoming upset.
" What do I don't understand?" Bella blinks.
" Not even the best education in the states interests me If we are not together. You are the only person I want to live for" Edward said.
" Are you here to reconcile or not?" Edward asks scowling.
" Oh No.. I just assumed that you haven't made any plans for University so I want to help you choose, I mean Harvard or yale would be delighted to have you.." Bella said.
" So you didn't come to see me, You're here just to talk about my future plans .." Edward clenched his hands not wanting to shout.
" I'm sorry, It's not my intention to create false hope," Bella said. " I only agreed to drop by because I heard you were depressed"
Edward just eyed her displeased and looked away. 'I don't need your pity Bella'
" Must I leave? I can tell Carlisle that something came up" Bella said.
"No.. I don't want you to leave, " Edward said. " I thought I finally had a chance to..to get back with you"
Bella shook no, "It's too late for that"
"No it isn't, as long we have each other it's never too late" Edward said.
"Can I please have one last chance?, and I'll prove to you I'm not letting you down like this ever again" Edward said groveling.
"What we had is a closed chapter," Bella said and Edward takes steps back as his eyes seemed tormented.
"Wait I mean to say is that.. letting go hurts a lot less than holding on, I'm finally moving passed from what took place at the forest".
"I just feel better being by myself for now" Bella said.
" I don't feel great by myself, I tried to save you and I feel tormented that I could have married you, and be by your side if I haven't walked away" Edward said.
"You just made a mistake, it's Okay Edward I won't hold this against you ever,"
"I grand you forgiveness" Bella smiled wanting to reach for his shoulders.
"Then why can't we talk about this?" Edward said moving away from her touch dismissive.
"You always become incredibly upset when I want to explain myself" Edward said.
"It's because I don't want to relive that moment, I don't want to be in pain again"
" Well it shouldn't cause any pain, You know that I love you" Edward said and Bella just eyed the ground.
"You still don't believe me, ?" Edward asks and then bites his tongue when he felt anger ripple up his spine. Not wanting to have another argument.
"It's hard.. it never made sense for you to choose a mere human as your mate" Bella said and Edward made her look up.
"It never made sense for you to love a monster, but you did. Without expecting anything in return.
"Thanks to you I feel more human each time we've been together. "" Isn't there a single part of you that wants to take me back?" Edward said.
" You'll have to find something else to do, focus on yourself because I won't be in Seattle very long" Bella said.
" Why? Where are you going?" Edward asks, he went from mildly agitated to deeply saddened.
" I want to attend to the University of Hawaii," ,
disbelief came over Edwards face, so far away? from everything she has ever known?
Accepting that she'll leave to Florida was bad enough but so many miles between us. does she despise vampires that much?
"But why Hawaii .. where in In Hawaii ?" Edward said hurt.
"Maui"
" I already applied for the university before you returned to forks so it's nothing personal" Bella said.
" I don't want to say goodbye to you, not a second time" Edward said, she hasn't left yet and he already has that defeated hopeless sensation bulging in his gut.
" Don't go Bella.. please just stay, for me" Edward said wanting to hold on to her hands.
" You can come for a visit but I can't just let this opportunity go by, I'm choosing for my self for once"
"But you can't choose for us both?" Edward said.
"I wanted to choose for us both, it was never good enough for you..
"You even rejected my heartfelt proposal," Bella said.
" Bella," I would have said yes if I didn't think my presence would put you in danger"
I tried to explain that but we got into an argument", "I don't understand why you are leaving me behind to a place where I can't easily go to" Edward said.
" I'm not leaving because of you" Bella shook her head.
" That sure looks like it" Edward said shrugging, he knows he's acting like a spoiled child but It seems very strange that out of all good universities she wanted to go to like in NYC or Canada she all of the sudden chooses that place.
" Please, I don't want you to go" Edward said.
"All I need is one last chance to prove myself to you," Edward said lowering to his knees next to her at the table. He didn't grovel but it looks like he's in a kneeling down position like he wants to ask her to marry him.
"Edward.. we can try and be friends" Bella said calmly.
"Friends" Edward repeated in a huff. " this means I'm too late.. to marry you"
" Yes.. I can't trust you with my heart again" Bella admits, " But there is still room for you in my life as a dear friend of mine"
Edward wished he could ask for more than that but at least he hasn't lost her completely. It felt like being hungry and all he's getting is enough food to stay alive while he's falling apart. But the more he wants the more distance she creates between them.
He'll just have to accept it, for now.
" That's fair.. I won't contest your decision, but Bella can I truly be forgiven now?" Edward asks.
" Of course, but like I said.. I only want you back as a friend" Bella said.
Edward gave in, his chest hurts but still had his mind at peace " I'm so happy.. I love you Bella.. as a friend as the love of my life but I respect your decision"
" I'll be your friend always" Edward said. " You can have any part of me you want"
Bella was happy to have him back too, she kissed his cheek and both held each other.
Edward tightened his grip and felt Bella doing the same, having her like this makes easier to pretend she still want him..
she felt so warm, Edward made another vow, that he'll protect her and always be near no matter what she decides, He'll look after her, her children, grandchildren. great-grandchildren it doesn't matter as long the bloodline doesn't end with Bella he has another reason to exist. That would be the only way to make her believe he won't disappear like this again.
Edward iris became like melted onyx again, and that's a sign to Bella that he's happy, Bella couldn't find it in her to keep him away now that he never wavered from his wishes to make things right but will keep a barrier between them that getting back together is out of the question, Edward finally understands and it also makes her feel at peace.
Edward moved away from the hug and eyed her gentle.
"So now that we are friends, can you move on form the past?.. I don't want.." Edward paused feeling his composure break.
"Hush" Bella whispered comforting holding his cheek. "What's wrong?" Bella asked.
"I don't want these awful things I've said that night to have a place in your memory," Or anything I've done wrong" Edward said.
"I can" Bella said. "We'll make room for better ones"
"Will you also accept that everything I said that night is a lie?" Edward asked.
Reluctantly Bella nodded,
"I will not ask again don't worry, we'll start over" Edward said.
"That's exactly what I want, we've separated as lovers but come back together as friends.." Bella said.
"I can live with this, I hate sending you away or remind you to keep your distance. It's exhausting and it just brings the worst out of us" Bella said thinking about about the arguments she caused.
"Can I visit you more often now? I won't come if you're with Jacob to avoid getting on his nerves" Edward said.
"Yes," Bella agreed, "I was hoping you would visit on the second day of Christmas, Jacob stayed away to avoid running into you.. but that's my fault, drenched up old wounds.." It's very unlikely that you would be coming for the way I've treated you" Bella said.
"Bella, I've treated you worse, but we'll make room for a better future,
"I'll start first" Edward said.
"With what?" Bella asked curious.
"Well I was going to to give you something for Christmas, I hope you will accept" Edward said.
"Oh that's so nice" Bella said,
"I like presents, hopefully you didn't break the bank" Bella said.
"No, I chose a gift with you in mind," Edward said and walked her to his night stand.
A wooden box was opened, and a sparkling golden locket was placed in her palm and Bella loves the gift already.
Bella looks at the locket and opens it, She notices an empty picture frame in it.
" It's empty" Bella said.
" I didn't put a picture in there, I wanted to let you decide who you would rather keep with you" Edward said.
" There is something more" Edward said and Bella looks closely, it's a multiple locket, Bella expects another photo frame, but it heralds something silver.
there was a ring resting inside, it laid on a velvet bottom like a proposal ring.
Bella placed it on her finger and admired it with an open hand.
" It belongs to my mother" Edward said.
"But it's the only memory you have of her," Bella said.
"I have plenty of other memories of her, Like a year book of family photo's. "And I still have her wedding ring, that's the one I'll keep for myself" Edward said.
"Gosh Such precious heirloom is not fair for me to take" Bella said.
"Are you sure about giving this away? I'm very possessive over jewelry" Bella said.
"Well you should, It's forever yours now" Edward said. You'll always have a piece of my heart with you.
" Then I take good care of it" Bella said.
She then put it back in the locket and asked Edward to close the chain around her neck.
The locked rested close to her midriff as she views herself with it in a mirror.
"I didn't get you anything," Bella said turning towards Edward..
"You did, being forgiven is the most priceless present I can receive on this Earth" Edward said.
Bella smiled for once she seems happy, her joy radiates from her appearance.