I made my way out of the tunnel of Volterra, I didn't speak to anyone as I slouched to the exit, a group of tourists caught my attention, a small woman became alarmed as they walked to a marble chamber, her gut feeling was playing up and I immediately knew why the group was there.

It was time to feed, " Save something for me" a voice echoed and I walked away before I could hear the final moments of their demise, I wish I could do something but their fate has been sealed.

It was day time, I couldn't leave yet and the guilt of not being able to do anything and Bella not being with me just makes my existence feel so worthless.

What if.. there is a small chance that Alice is lying? what If I'm forsaking the chance to end my sorrow by going back and have my family seize me?

But Alice never lied to me, what If Bella has indeed rise from the grave? All these questions surges through my head but no answers.. The only answers I'll find are in Forks.

Asking the Volturi if they can see if Bella is alive is no option, I will be destroyed on the spot for failing to keep them a secret from humans..

They would never believe the lie that Bella has never known.. with their ability they will find out..

When I was racing back to Forks.. during that dire moment.. Alice told me that the Volturi will come for us..

So If this is indeed a trap, It won't be long until They come for us, That's fine.. they can have me I never longed for enteral oblivion than now.

A second feels like a century without my Bella but no matter what happens I will be released from this pain, whether it's from my own doing or them..

If Bella is indeed alive then no matter what happens next they will be together.

I left the fortress in Italy when the sun was about to set, I couldn't leave any sooner than that, I thanked everyone for their hospitality and their offer still remains, I could join them any time.. If Bella miraculously survived then at least I can spend maybe a week or a year before they come, even if I only get another day with her It's better than dying without seeing her face ever again.

I gathered my things I left in a safe, went hunting and paid my plane ticket first class, the less people the better in the private jet, I watched on as Italy became smaller. My mind was clouded I couldn't think straight, I really have no idea what I would do next, Bella's presumed passing has broke me, I'm still longing for death I had to find a way to collect myself.

As I blinked the Meadows came before me, seeing Bella and myself in a tree watching each other lovingly in silence with so many questions on her mind and I had no idea what she is thinking but we stared at each other like nothing could make this day go better.

I was a fool for thinking Forks would be safe for her without me in it, regardless if Alice speaks the truth or not Bella faced a horrible demise that will hunt me until there is no Planet Earth left. I wanted to bite her while she's at ease, gave a proper goodbye party to her friends and everyone she has ever known to just go overseas for University, having our honeymoon live together before her human life would come to an end.

But not like this hunted down and ripped apart, oh Bella forgive me for allowing this to happen..

My mind shifted back to my home in Oregon, one of my favorite memory of ours..

I invited Bella to my home for the first time, my family and gave her a tour around the house. No matter what I told her she didn't seem to become alarmed.

"You're still waiting for the running and screaming right" Bella asked.

I nodded carefully, deep down I don't want her to run away,

"As you wish" Bella said and my eyes in dread.. "No" I stuttered quiet wishing I could stop her but it would have been for the best if she did leave.

Bella got up and started to shout "Ah Vampire!"

"Okay so now I'm going to do the running part" Bella said as she skipped around the room.

"You're going to hunt me down or not?" Bella asked jokingly.

I snarled at her but not in a hostile way, just like pretending you're a monster with a child.

I got into my hunting stance and she tensed, she squeaked when I chased her around my room I increasing a bit of my speed and pounced making her lose her balance.

We rolled off the cough over the floor and she landed on top of me, the short playful chase sparked my hunting instinct as I pounced on her, but I would never hurt her,

I pulled her to my shoulder, inhaling the scent of her blood, It was wonderful but I was so happy that despite being my singer we can be together as long as time allows it.

Hopefully when she's older she's still in my life, I will look after her no matter what she decides..

"You're not scary Edward, I know you think you are but you're not" Bella said.

"Is that so?" I said devilish, she flinched but I know she wants to see a care free side of me more often.

"I don't want you to be afraid though" I said and then pulled her on my lap, "I want you to stay with me forever..at least as long as I'm not a threat to you..

"Dear Bella..

My mind came back into the present, that was the moment were I felt that I couldn't live without her ever again. I wanted to stay but deep inside I knew in order for her to be really safe I had to write myself out of her life story and just be a small part of her Universe,

from an asteroid crashing down to her world leaving a large impact to a tiny star shining with a dim light in her universe, I'll hardly be noticed by her since there will be larger stars shining brighter than my light who are more valuable than I am, like her family, her friends, careers and the student life on campus, with so much prosperity as the possibilities are endless.

but I'll still be present. That was my original idea, the outcome I could live with.. just watch over from a far after she moved on..

She's not human anymore at least that's what I was told so maybe I can be more than just a tiny star, I hope I can be more just like it was before I was aware of the problems the vampire world causes. To be her sun not a drug she's addicted to, just like she wants.. a more mature love, wholesome like the Ocean that needs the moon.

I'm so terrified of what I will find back in Forks but I need to stay strong, for her..

The sign of Forks welcoming me moved by, coming home always feels great, seeing the forests and astounding atmosphere cloaked with fog and sun rays touching the ground.

Carefully I got out of the rental car, it was cloudy and as my heart hurts even more feeling the same pain go through me I forced myself to walk I went to Bella's house the window was still open, I heard the thoughts of people who were inside boxing Bella's personal belongings.

I saw a glimpse of her mother going to the next room, she was comforted as she started to cry,

"I'm so sorry.. It's such a horrible thing, she thinks her daughter is dead.. I thought.

"How could they do that? what kind of monster would demolish a grave of my girl.. she was so kind so sweet.." Were the thoughts of Rene as she was being comforted.

I felt I had to move quickly before I let my presence be known and tell her all about the vampire world to just ease her pain, this is another sign that Alice didn't lie but until I've seen her I will not believe it.

I grabbed personal belongings from one of the boxes, a few jeans blouses underwear and bra's, books she hasn't finished yet and pictures from her parents and memories, her diary and letters to her friends, a tiny cactus she brought from Arizona with her, I felt a bit intrusive for doing this but I wanted Bella to remember her human life, I hardly remember anything of being a human and I regret not taking pictures of my mother with me, I can't even remember If I had siblings aunts, Uncles.

when I heard mother died I wanted nothing that reminded me of her to make the pain leave sooner but thankfully Esme kept her ring and jewelry of her in a safe.

During my 4 year absence she gave them back telling me no matter how much death hurts we should never forget the people we love.

The cemetery was closed on an unusual hour but I jumped over the fence when the coast seems clear.

I arrived at Bella's grave, there was tape around it like the forks police are investigating if this was the actions of tomb robbers. but I still moved forward,

The grave was indeed empty. .but how? How did she survive?

I froze when I realized I wasn't alone..

I picked up a scent and looked over my shoulder, Alice was standing in a distance, I growled infuriated, I told her to leave me alone.. I want to grab her and rip her head off for not respecting my wishes that I don't want to see any of them.

Alice notice me leap towards her and held her hands up in defense, " No wait!" I just want you to read my mind so that you can see for yourself" Alice said.

I ceased my attempt to assault her and stared deep in her wary eyes,

Bella woke up in her coffin long hours after her family and friends buried her, the cemetery was closed so nobody could notice a thing, She panicking when she couldn't open it to get out, then the venom still present in her body started to spread, twitching like a fish on dry land as the venom caused her relentless pain, then days later she climbed out of the coffin herself, a hand reached from the soil and Bella smudged in dirt looked at her grave as the rain fell down, she then turned around, her eyes were red, She felt the thirst throb and the fear of attacking humans made her retreat into the forests hoping she will gain control so that she can contact the Quileute tribe and Edward to let them know she survived.

"I.. we've buried her alive" I said distraught, I felt so sick wishing I could just die.. she was alone and scared.. if only I waited for a moment..

"No, I don't think we did, some people suffer from the Lazarus effect," Alice said.

"They are clinically dead, their heart stops beating and sometimes even after hours or a day they still manage to return to the living" Alice said.

"She still woke up in a Coffin, alone.. what if she needed me and I wasn't there to help her" Edward said.

"None of us knew Edward, you can't hate yourself for this" Alice said.

"But it's my fault that this happened to her!" I said, " I shouldn't have bit her but I was too selfish to let her go to the next world.." I said,

"It was for the best but I couldn't allow it" I added, I turned around before Alice could attempt to comfort, I'm still a bit sore for coming over here when I told everyone to leave me in peace.

The tombstone seemed to be knocked down and

I looked at the broken coffin and looked inside, there were a few of her belongings they buried her with but the golden locket wasn't in there, hopefully she took it with her wherever she is.

I was determined to find her and bring her home, I know she hasn't gone very far.

"Head south" Alice said,

"I'll leave you to it, please come back soon Edward" Alice said.

I didn't respond, I didn't want to go back, I rather start a new coven with Bella and maybe hunt on the worst type of scum again in case animals are not sustainable for her.

I clenched my hands as I looked at the horizon and I ran where Alice had pointed out. I was going many miles a minute but still felt I was slow as a sloth,

I ran passed the Meadows and when I reached the spirit waterfalls I smelled a vampire, It was female.. so it's really true.. my Bella..I hope it's you.

I stopped running and looked around, the scent became faint.. could she be leaving? I have to concentrate..

No she's not here but she did seek refuge her for a day.. Where could she be now? I followed the area where her scent was the strongest.

Something silver sparkled where her scent attacked my senses.

I picked up the ring, It was her moon ring.. but what Is she trying to tell me?

Wait.. she left something silver behind, could she be waiting at the Silver loop trail?

"Or maybe she didn't leave the trail for me.. maybe it was for Jacob.. I'm not the only person she married..

"uuggh" She hasn't send me away yet so until then I need to stop overthinking things.." I thought.

I needed to know for sure before I lose complete track of Bella, no phone so I have to reach a town to dial Alice.

I found my car near the cemetery and to my surprise a new phone was laying on the dashboard, I opened the flip phone and a message of Alice was there,

"Yes" it said. "Go there"

I leaned against the seat closing my eyes briefly, despite being able to crush a tank I feel exhausted.

"Thank you" I said out loud knowing Alice will get the message.

I just couldn't run anymore, so I tried to shove the key in the ignition, when the engine started to tremble I stepped on the gas.

I turned the radio on to let my mind drift to somewhere else, the guilt made it hard to drive..

'I have died every day waiting for you.. I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more.' Was sung on the radio. It didn't clear my mood but I was touched,

It sounded like lyrics I would write for Bella.

I haven't lived for a thousand years but I'm sure I've loved her before I was born, and I won't love Bella for a thousand years more in the future.. I will love her forever.

When I reached my destination I could feel her presence, she chose a good location to seek shelter, not many humans come here and there is a lot of wildlife.

I heard the sound of the water flushing down, I made a huge jump to reach to the other side of the river. I could even hear her footsteps, I was almost too anxious to proceed.

In the middle of the forest a woman sitting with her back towards me, her hair flowed in the wind.

I found her, she didn't seem to be alerted by my presence, does she know I'm here?.. She didn't move, I took steps closer as dread filled my mind full of guilt, what would she say to me right now? that she hates me for robbing her of the things she was looking forward to? To live with her husband in Hawaii.. in the sun.

if I reached to her sooner.. If I didn't let her go to Seattle alone then that would be her reality.

Would she resent me for burying her and let her body burn for hours 6 feet under ground.. she should. She should hate me.. for all the things I ruined.

I knew I was trouble, I knew I'm more problems than I am worth.. yet I came into her world and then made her believe what I felt for her was never real..

Then came back again.. making the life she had in mind crumble once more..

Everyone she once knew thinks she's dead.. The Wolves will deny her to La push.. Jacob might be disgusted with her as a vampire.

No University.. at least until she controls her blood thirst but that could take decades and at times even after decades it's not enough to reintegrate without being a danger to humans.

She lost everything because of me.. part of me wanted to turn back while she hasn't noticed me, just run, to leave her be..

But I didn't want to go all the way to Italy or find an active volcano to jump into for nothing.. what If there is a small part of her that will forgive me.. or maybe in the future.

If she won't then I can go in peace, with nothing left to fight for I can let the Volturi tear me apart.

Hopefully soon after I am gone.. after Bella rejected me from being part of her new life.. I hope that Jacob will catch wind of that Bella has survived somehow and that he'll cease his revenge plan to come after every vampire. It's not fair for his people.. his army will be strong but lives will be at cost, like a chess board sacrificing the pawns to checkmate the king.

I took a step forward gathering all the courage I have to confront her, she seems to be hearing my footstep, she turned and her light topaz eyes popped slightly.. and then she smiled at me happily. a bit at ease like she spoke to me maybe an hour ago.. I couldn't believe what I was seeing..

She smiled at me.. she said something sweet but in my mind it was just gibberish .. even after huge amount of screw ups I made.. for all the times I failed as a man.. she just brushes it off with kindness..

I couldn't take it anymore and started to cry..