Vignette 22 - An Appeal for Hel
The opening shot focused on the grim, regal form of Hel, the cold ruler of the realm of the dead which she shared a name with. She was sitting at a desk, her fingers tented before her.
Hel:
"Good evening. I would like you, if you would, to look closely, for a moment, at this image."
The shot then cut to her handmaiden, Ganglöt, holding the portrait-sized image to her side. The image appeared to be of a group of people crying out in agony as fire rained down upon them, with a dark, robe-clad figure looking on.
Hel [voiceover]:
"The image is of only just a few out of millions of souls in torment."
The shot then cut back to Hel, sitting at her desk.
Hel:
"The image was rendered on canvas several hundred years ago. These poor people have not been tormented since then, due to a lack of funds."
She 'un-tented' her hands as she laced her fingers in front of herself.
Hel:
"You know, Hel is a purely voluntary organization. There is no state-based aid, no insurance scheme, not even a grant from UNICEF...And now, please take a look at this image."
The shot then cut to Ganglöt again, this time holding an portrait of the twin sister witches, Realm-I's Marla and Hestia, along with another witch from that realm in Nuibaba. The shot then cut back to Hel.
Hel:
"A rather heart-rending sight, is it not? These witches of the Rigelian half of Valentia have to be roasted alive on less fuel per year than you will probably use in one day in the warmth and comfort of your humble home. You may now be wondering-what can you do to help? Well, ten sacred coins will maintain a torture rack for two weeks; only five gold coins will assure eternal darkness for one soul for six months."
Hel took a brief moment to adjust her posture a bit before she spoke again.
Hel [a rare look of sincerity in her expression]:
"Believe it or not, life is not much fun down here in the bottomless pit that shares my name. We here have taken on a job that is not very popular, and receive a lot of opposition from the press...and still some from the Realm of Life...You will find our address either in print via the latest edition of your local pamphlet, or in audio format via your local town crier. Please, do consider making a pledge today."
With that, Hel vanished from the desk, leaving an empty chair behind.
-X-
Kiran, Anna, and the Askr royal siblings stared at the crystal ball, dumbfounded and speechless. Their visit to Realm-III's Niime for an augury in preparation for their next mission had certainly taken an odd turn when this message from Hel played unexpectedly the moment the elderly druid conjured up the mists within her crystal ball. They looked to Niime herself, as if seeking answers; Niime, for the most part, nonchalantly inspected her crystal ball and shook it a little, a quizzical look on her face.
"I knew I should've bit the arrowhead and signed up for the ad-free service," she said.
**Author's Note(s)**
Dedicated to Niime's English VA, the late Philece Sampler.
This vignette is based upon a sketch from the third episode of The Frost Report, "The Frost Report on Sin" (March 24, 1966). The show was the one that introduced the world to John Cleese (among other comics), who was the only future Python founder to be featured as a cast member. (Four other Python founders-Graham Chapman, Terry Jones, Michael Palin, and Eric Idle-were on the show's writing staff.) The thought of Barbara Goodson, Hel's English VA, channeling Cleese's devil is, to my mind, a tiny bit amusing.