a/n: Track 21: Hits Different

Chapter 9: Hits Different

You made a mess of me

It doesn't take long for Santana's fears to be confirmed. Brittany and Sam got together shortly after Sectionals. It's her own fault for saying it would be fine if they dated other people. They weren't together at the moment. So it would be wrong for Santana to tell Brittany not to date anyone. But she wished she had, because God, it hurt knowing that someone else got to kiss her, and hold her hand, and to be the one to navigate all her cute little quirks. Brittany barely texted her- in fact the dancer hadn't said a word about Sam to her directly, it was Tina, who had a secret mission to create drama Santana learned, who told her. If Brittany really believed it would be okay for them to date other people, she'd be telling Santana about Sam. But Brittany was smart. She knew it would hurt Santana, and the last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt her. But Brittany also needed to be happy again. Until that magical day came when the stars aligned and she'd have Santana again, Sam was going to help her be happy. That didn't mean it needed to be at the cost of Santana's happiness though. That would be cruel. Especially during Christmas. Besides, the world was ending, and she didn't want Santana to die sad.

Unfortunately, Tina had no such qualms about telling Santana what was going in Lima, Ohio, and as Santana studied nonstop for her finals in Louisville and signed on for Winter semester so she wouldn't have to go home and face Brittany, she spent her few spare hours crying. That's all she could bring herself to do. It was a repetitive cycle of sleeping and having nightmares about Brittany, waking up and crying because more often than not they were at least partially real, go to class, study, do homework, and then cry herself to sleep. She barely ate or showered, but what did it matter? What was she living for anymore? Without Brittany or fame, Santana had nothing but a dead end degree and a few more years of cheerleading. She was absolutely miserable, and the only person that knew was her usually absent roommate.

Catastrophic blues

"They're married?" Santana whimpered through the phone. It was Finn this time, instead of Tina, someone who was calling because he was concerned when she didn't come to the Holiday Concert and wasn't in Lima with Christmas fast approaching.

"Yeah, I thought it was the best if you knew. I don't think it'll last, they think the world's ending so they thought getting married was a good idea. How stupid." Finn scoffed.

"Don't call Brittany stupid." Santana spat "I'll pretend you meant that only about Sam. Look Finn, I'm doing a winter semester, so I won't be home. Brittany knows- I texted her. Not that she's responded, but whatever. Just…make sure he's taking care of her, got it?"

"Right. Santana?" he said softly.

"What?" she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Please take care of yourself," he said.

"Right. Merry Christmas Finn." she hung up before he could say it back. Brittany married Sam. She pulled open her nightstand and looked at the ring Brittany offered her. That could be them instead but Santana had said no. She felt so incredibly stupid. She slammed the drawer closed, right on her fingers. She wasn't sure if she'd done that on purpose or on accident, but she was pretty sure at least one of them was broken. She managed to get herself into a hoodie and to the health center across campus.

"We can't be sure if it's broken, we don't have an X-Ray." the nurse said "But from the looks of it, it looks like you broke your index finger. The rest are probably sprained. I'll wrap it up for you, but you should probably go to Urgent Care."

"And drive with my broken fingers?" Santana questioned.

"Can't your roommate or a friend or significant other take you? You're on the cheerleading team. I'm sure you have friends." the nurse said.

"Right. Of course. Bye." Santana left the health center defeated. She doubted any girls on the team would drive her, and only a spare few remained on campus for winter anyway. Her roommate had gone home. When she got back to her dorm, she just wanted to call Brittany, tell her what happened. Instead she called her dad who told her that as long as she kept it wrapped urgent care was a waste of time. She was glad, because urgent care might also be more effective at stopping her pain, and right now a broken finger was a good distraction from a broken heart. But, soon, her brief period of relief from her broken heart ended. Brittany posted a picture of her and Sam married. She cried over her finger and the worst heartbreak she'd ever been through.

Movin' on was always easy for me to do

Santana wished that she could move on from Brittany. That lesbian who she'd smiled at I'm the library was still on campus. But with one broken hand she wasn't exactly in fighting condition. Besides, the only girl she wanted was smiling back at her through an Instagram Square. She really though she could've at least moved on from Brittany, I mean she'd moved on quickly when it came to all the guys she dated. Moving on was the perfect remedy for a broken heart. Cleary Brittany had figured that out. But Santana hadn't. And so, she spent Christmas all alone in her dorm, one of few students on campus for the holiday week, when even the winter classes didn't meet. She couldn't go to Lima though, she couldn't risk seeing Brittany and Sam together. Eating instant noodles and ice cream in her dorm would have to suffice as a Merry Christmas. Her parents, to their credit, sent her gifts, but all the new clothes were really good for delaying her laundry for a few more days. She was completely wrecked. She hadn't expected her breakup with Brittany to shake her to the core the way it had. She was going to bed after her Christmas dinner of a ham sandwich when there was a knock on her dorm door. Probably the RA doing a wellness check. Everyone thought she was going to do something drastic. She wouldn't do that, she didn't want to not get to say goodbye to Brittany. She answered the door.

"You look like shit." Quinn said, pushing past her into the dorm room eyeing half eaten bowls of noodles and take out cartons scattered across notebooks and textbooks.

"Good to see you too, Quinn. Why are you here? Can you leave? I prefer to wallow in self-pity alone." Santana watched as the girl started to pick up her mess "Q, seriously. Just go."

"Not after seeing this, no way. I was right to be worried about you. You're basically living in a trash heap. And what happened to your hand?" Quinn asked, gingerly examining it.

"Slammed it in the nightstand drawer." Santana said half heartedly "I think I did it on purpose."

"Oh Santana…" Quinn sighed "Clearly you're not okay, so stop trying to kick me out. You need a friend."

"I need Brittany." Santana whimpered.

"Well, that isn't gonna happen hun." Quinn sighed "I want that for you. But it's not feasible. So Quinn is gonna get you to at least a semi-acceptable quality of living. All you have to do is go take a 30 minute shower."

"I guess I could do that." Santana mumbles and grabs her towel and toiletries and wanders down the hall towards the showers. In the meantime, Quinn cleans everything up, starts Santana's laundry and changes her sheets. She plugs in the Latina laptop and puts her notebooks and textbooks back on the desk shelves. She gets rid of all the trash and washes the few dishes. She starts the hot water kettle and when Santana returns she hands her a hot tea.

"Alright. You can cry now. Tell me all about your broken heart. I'm here to listen." Quinn says, sitting beside Santana on the bed and wrapping an arm around her. Santana cries over Brittany's relationship and new marriage and tells Quinn that Brittany had proposed. No one knew until now. Quinn just holds her and strokes her hair throughout. She stays with Santana into the New Year. Things are still pretty bleak when she goes back to Yale, but Santana is at least taking care of herself a little bit. She's determined to prove that she's still better than Sam. That'll ensure that one day she will get Brittany back. It's a guarantee.

It hits different cause it's you