Chapter 6: What the Baggins Siblings Hates
"Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth!" Biblo said, taking a doily from Nori. "But it's full of holes." Bofur pointed out. "It's supposed to look like that." Bilbo said. "Yes, it's crochet." Belinda said. "Oh, and a wonderful game it is too. If you got the balls for it." Bofur said. Bilbo tossed the doily on the shelf angrily. "Bebother and confusticate these Dwarves!" He cussed. "Tell me about it. Who knows where these hoodlums have been!" Belinda complained.
"My dear Bilbo and Belinda, what on Earth is the matter?" Gandalf asked. "Yeah, what's up with you guys?" Selindra added. "What's the matter? We're surrounded by Dwarves!" Bilbo said. "Yes. Dozens of Dwarves! Why are they here?!" Belinda asked as Bofur and Nori played tug-a-war with a string of sausages. "Oh, they're quite a merry gathering once you get used to them." Gandalf said. "We don't want to get used to them!" Belinda scolded, bringing Gandalf and Selindra out to the hall. "They staked out our kitchen! There's mud trolling the carpet! They've pillaged the pantry! I'm not even going to tell you what they've done in the bathroom. They've all but destroyed the plumbing." Bilbo said. "What?! That's gonna take me weeks to fix!" Belinda exclaimed. "We don't understand what they're doing in our house!" Bilbo exclaimed.
Just then, Ori walked up to the Baggins siblings. "Excuse me? I'm sorry to interrupt. But what should I do with my plate?" Ori asked. "Here you go, Ori. Give it to me." Fili said, taking the plate and tossing it to Kili, who then tossed it to Bifur. Gandalf and Selindra dodged the incoming dishes. "Excuse me! That's our mother's Westfarthing pottery! It's over a hundred years old!" Bilbo exclaimed. But Fili and Kili just kept tossing dishes at each other. And then Bofur, Dori, Nori, Gloin, Qili and Moin started clinking their forks and knives together. "And can you not do that? You'll blunt them!" Bilbo said. "Oh, you hear that, lads and lasses? They said we'll blunt the knives." Bofur said. Then the Dwarves started singing as they gathered the rest of the dishes.
Blunt the knives, bend the forks
Smash the bottles and burn the corks
Chip the glasses and crack the plates
That's what the Baggins Siblings hate
Cut the cloth, tread the fat
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat
Pour the milk on the pantry floor
Splash the wine on every door
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl
Pound them up with a thumping pole
When you're finished, if they are whole
Send them down the hall to roll
That's what the Baggins siblings hate
As the song finished, Bilbo and Belinda pushed through the crowd of laughing Dwarves, seeing that their dishes have been cleaned and neatly stacked on the table. Just then, there was a rough knock at the door. Everyone looked to the door. "They are here." Gandalf said, knowing who was at the door.
They opened the door, revealing Thorin and Tharia. "Gandalf." Thorin greeted as he and his sister walked in. "I thought you said this place would be easy to find. We lost our way. Twice." "Yeah. Wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door." Tharia said as they took off their capes. "Mark? There's no mark on that door. I painted it a week ago." Belinda said. "There is a mark. I put it there myself." Gandalf admitted. "Bilbo and Belinda Baggins, allow me to introduce the leaders of our company, Thorin and Tharia Oakenshield."
"So, these are the Hobbits." Thorin said, getting a good look at Bilbo and Belinda. "Very peculiar looking creatures. But very well dressed." Tharia said. "Tell me, Mr. and Mrs. Baggins, have you 2 done much fighting?" Thorin asked. "Pardon me?" Bilbo asked in surprise. "Axe or sword? What's your weapon of choice?" Thorin asked. "Well, I have some skill in conkers, if you must know. Though I fail to see why that's relevant." Bilbo said. "Thought as much. They look more like grocers than burglars." Thorin said, making the others laugh as he walked into the next room. "Well, personally, I like grocers." Tharia said, winking at Bilbo before joining her brother. Bilbo was stunned by the girl Dwarf did.
Just then, the doorbell rang. "More Dwarves?" Bilbo asked in disappointment. "No." Gandalf said, mentally guessing who it was. Selindra opened the door, revealing the ranger from the Prancing Pony. "Oh! Hello." He greeted. "Evening. Who are you?" Selindra asked. "My name is Varder. I saw you 2 and the Dwarves at the inn in Bree and I'd thought I'd come to this meeting myself." Varder said, entering the house. Selindra looked at Gandalf, who was smiling. Selindra smiled back, knowing that Gandalf knew Varder was following them since Bree.