Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia: Axis Powers or Black Mirror. All rights go to their creators.

Chapter 7: Phonebook

Lovino was eating a slice of cold pizza from out of the fridge. He was hungry and it was late. But then he saw a mouse scurry across the floor.

"Feli! There's a fucking mouse!"

Feliciano popped his head out of the door of his bedroom, "I'm not going to get it. You get it."

Lovino pressed himself flat against the fridge as it scurried past him again. "You fucking asshole! You know I don't like those ugly things!"

And then it was scooped up, not by Feli, but by Arthur, apparently he'd been on the couch.

"You're overreacting." He said, walking toward him with the mouse in hand.

"Aren't you going to kill it?" Lovino looked into his eyes, but Arthur was focused on the mouse.

Lovino blinked and then Arthur was covered in mice. They were squirming and roaming around on him like bugs. "Oh no, it deserves to live just like you do."

To which he stuffed the one he was holding down Lovino's shirt.

….

"Ahhhhh!" Lovino bolted upright in bed. He patted his chest, he wasn't wearing any clothes so there weren't any mice on him.

What was with that dream?

It ate at him that the longer Arthur was his chatbot the more mentally unstable he was going to become. It wasn't like he could put a person inside the app or bring him outside…he'd have to pay that kid even more money to figure that out.

At least from Arthur's perspective, it was like Lovino was the computer and Arthur was a man on an island.

So, he couldn't continue to be blissfully unaware of the situation. He was going to try his hardest to find real Arthur, and then he could delete Arthur with a clear conscience.

After eating breakfast, Lovino walked to the local library. He slipped past Feli, who was still sound asleep. Lovino didn't want to have to answer any questions the man had.

As he stepped through the doors of the local library, he was greeted by a look of acknowledgement from the librarian, her brown eyes meeting his. She had black hair and deep set eyes, she looked to be of Spanish heritage. Lovino didn't even have a library card, he hoped they didn't cost anything.

"How can I help you?" She asked as he approached the front desk.

"I'd like a card. I can use it with the computer, right?"

The woman nodded before sliding a pen and a paper form to him to fill out. Lovino filled out the form, letting out a huff.

"I just need your ID and proof of residency."

"I don't carry around my bills in my pocket ma'am!" Lovino slid the finished form back to her.

The woman sighed, looking exhausted already, "You can show me a bill you paid electronically. I just need to see your name and address, sir."

Lovino gasped, "Really? They do it like that now? I always thought that proof of residency thing was kind of dumb anyway." Lovino fished out his ID and handed it to her. Then he pulled out his phone.

"Yes sir, more people pay their bills electronically." The woman said, taking his ID and typing something into the computer. Lovino scrolled through the form for his electric bill payment, and then he showed it to her.

The sounds of the printer filled the quiet space of the library, causing a few heads to turn before they were back focused on their computer screens.

"Here you go, have a good day sir."

"You too bella," Lovino took the card from her with a wink. The librarian averted her gaze but he could see a small upward quirk of her lips.

Lovino walked away from the front desk and got on the computer to look at the database in order to find digitized versions of the phonebooks for the past six years. It was the only thing he could think of to find Real Arthur if he still lived in New York City.

It was possible he moved to another city or even another state, but he was going to start small, otherwise he was going to give up immediately.

Lovino spent the next couple of hours pressing "control F" to find and look through the Arthur Kirkland's of New York City. He eliminated those that were duplicates from previous years. Surprisingly there were very few. He took down a few names, numbers, and addresses.

The library was going to close so Lovino went back home.

000000

When Lovino walked in the door, Feliciano was sitting in front of the television, eating a few bomboloni.

"Mhmm! Lovi, it's probably cold now, but there's some bomboloni in the kitchen. Where were you? It was getting late."

"None of your damn business." Lovino said, walking past him and into the kitchen to grab a few bomboloni.

"Lovi, why didn't you want me to tell Kiku you weren't using the app anymore?"

"It's none of his damn business."

Lovino heard the patter of feet across the floor and he turned to see Feli in the doorway, leaning against it, empty plate in hand. His eyebrows were furrowed.

"You didn't want him to know about your British friend you were talking to, hmm?" Feli pursed his lips.

Lovino stuffed the one he was holding into his mouth.

"Why's it such a secret, hmm?" Feli asked, putting his hand on his hip.

Lovino swallowed and rolled his eyes, "Why do you fucking care so much? It's not that Honda guy's business, and it's not yours either." He picked up another one and popped it into his mouth.

"Well I'm curious! I know you liked Antonio for a very, very, very, very looong time. So to hear you found someone new…it's exciting!"

"I don't like Arthur like that! Why does everyone always jump to that conclusion? He's an asshole!"

"Lovi.~" Feli gave him a shit eating grin as he walked over to where he was standing.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that, huh?"

"You say that, but it's really hard to believe when you put everything together." Feli rocked on the heels of his feet.

Lovino muffed Feli in the face and pushed him out of the way. Then he made his way toward the doorway.

In response Feli made a whiny baby noise before he said, "Luddy's going on a business trip soon to London, they have a branch over there too."

Lovino stopped at the doorway and turned around, eyebrow raised, "Yeah, so?"

Feli dropped his plate into the dirty dishwater.

"Sooo. Someone I know could tag along and maybe meet with his British friend in person." Feli shrugged.

Lovino pursed his lips, "You're going to invite me to come with you and Ludwig on a business trip to London? Why the hell are you even going in the first place?"

"Kiku wants to show his cute little Iggy robot at the meeting with my clothes designs. So I get to go. I'll try to get them to squeeze you in so you can go too!"

Lovino narrowed his eyes, "What's the catch?"

"I want to meet him too!" Feli threw his arms in the air, giggling like a bambino.

"Hell no! You're not going to come with me, that's fucking creepy."

"C'mon please! Please Lovi, I want to meet your friend. I don't even know anything about him." Feli pouted, head bowed as he looked up at him through his eyelashes.

"There's a reason for that, you're so damn embarrassing. Y-youre always making everything about yourself, and you're a fucking clutz. You're gonna trip and sprain your fucking ankle and then we'll have to stop and tend to your needs! 'Are you ok Feli? Do you need anything Feli?' How are you feeling Feli?' Feli! Feli! Feli!' I don't fucking want to hear it!"

Lovino was breathing quite heavily and Feliciano stared at him with honey brown eyes and frowned, "Is that what you think of me Lovi?"

Lovino bit his lip. Feliciano was always the one who had everyone's attention, their "friend" group centered around Feli, and they all knew Lovino through him. Even growing up he could see that when Antonio had Feli's attention there was a kind of fondness in his eyes, a small spark that said he enjoyed the little bastard's company more than his. Gilbert and Francis had it too, but he didn't care about those two bastards.

But Arthur hasn't even met Feli, Real Arthur hasn't even met either of them yet, and he didn't want to give Feli the opportunity to take either of them away from him.

"Yeah, I do actually." Lovino swiftly turned, walked to his room, and slammed the door shut.

Fuck!

Why did he have to open his stupid mouth and be such an idiota all the time?

Now Feli probably won't take me at all! Lovino opened his Iggy Two app again.

L: Hey bastard, you busy?

A: Hmm you're about to tell me a long story aren't you?

L: Do you have to be such a smartass all the time? Why can't you just answer the question like a normal person?

A: Because I know that's the start of a long story, if I say I'm busy you won't tell me.

L: So you're busy?

A: No.

Lovino pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a groan.

L: Feli just told me about some kind of business trip that his German boyfriend is taking him on. It's supposed to be in London or some shit.

A: And you're going to tag along like the little cockblock you are. Isn't it a bit sudden that you're trying to meet my family? I didn't even get to prepare them first that some stranger is going to show up at their home unprompted.

Damn that's true. What was my plan exactly?

L: You might be there. Or at the very least they would know where you are.

A; Oh you think I went back home because it didn't quite work out here? Sure I'll entertain your delusions just to later hear that my parents called the police because you were trespassing.

L: I'll call first…besides I might not even be able to go. I called Feli out on being the fucking attention hog that he is.

A: Hmm…you fucked that up really quickly, didn't you? But I have an idea. If all the big bosses are leaving for this business trip there might be an opening for you to sneak into the headquarters.

L: Hell no, I don't want to go to jail!

A:I'll give you my parent's address and telephone number if you do it.

L: Forget it ok?

000000

Over the next week, Feli was making a show of moping around him. He was purposefully pouting and dragging his limbs around like limp noodles. Lovino continued to ignore him. On his breaks at work he made his calls to the various Arthur Kirkland's written on his list that he'd collected at the library. He left messages because none of them picked up.

He'd made up some bullshit story about being part of a study, and he was collecting data on musicians.

Slightly discouraged that his efforts were coming up with no results, because who in their right mind would answer a sketchy phone call, he decided to give up for now.

It was the end of the work week and Alfred was locking up the cafe as usual. Lovino and Vladimir stood beside him.

"Hey guys, before you leave, I was thinking about throwing a mixer! My anniversary of being y'all's boss is coming up soon. Why don't we celebrate?"

"That sounds wonderful Alfred," Vladimir smiled and then they turned their gazes to him.

"Hard pass." Lovino shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Come on Lovino, I'm providing the food!" Alfred grinned.

Lovino didn't like to pass on free food.

"Fine! I'll come to your stupid party."

"Oh and I'm taking those phone charges out of your paycheck, dude."

"What!?"

"Lovino, you don't think I know you've been using the company phone on your break?"

Alfred smirked and Lovino frowned.

Lovino waved him off and muttered a goodbye to both of them before making his way to the subway to go back home.

Arthur was starting to cost him a lot more money than he was hoping to gain from him.

And for what? A peace of mind?

Lovino's phone buzzed while he was on the train. He looked to see it was a text message from Leon.

Leon: Hey uh ok this is going to sound strange but the code starts to become scrambled the more I look into it. It doesn't make any sense.

Lovino pursed his lips as he was jerked to the right. The train had just left the stop he'd got on at.

Lovino: Ok so?

Leon: So I don't think I can do this job.

Lovino: I paid you half! Aren't you supposed to know this stuff? How hard can it be?

Leon: You don't have to pay me anymore. It's not hard, it's bizarre.

Lovino: Bizarre like how?

Leon: There's this strange message, L01N2 4T3 R4T just keeps appearing and I don't know what that is. I can't get past it without an error.

Lovino groaned, Great and now I won't even be getting any money.

Lovino: Fine. Deal's off I guess.

Lovino heard the female voice call his stop and then slipped his phone into his pocket as he got off the train.

Francis had personally mailed the magazine he worked for, HetaTech Quarterly, to Feli and himself to show them the article he'd written on Lioness Solution's CEO: Erzsébet Hedervary.

It had arrived earlier today and Feliciano was reading it at their island counter when he got home from work. Lovino walked behind him and peered over his shoulder.

The middle aged woman with chestnut brown hair and Reseda green eyes looked just as tough as any male CEO. She didn't look like a pushover at first glance. Francis mentioned something about angles, such as how the position of the camera was always from below her. Whatever that meant.

"She looks very pretty, even for an older woman," Feliciano said before making a growling sound with his mouth.

Lovino rolled his eyes, he thought that as well, but it was quite strange to hear the man with a boyfriend say that. He was moving in with Ludwig soon, at what point would he stop saying shit like that?

Lovino snatched the magazine from him, "Aren't you with that German bastard?"

"So I can't comment on how attractive I think his boss is? Lovi, I still have eyes you know." Feli smirked at him.

"You know, I should stop caring. If you cheat on that bastard then he'd be out of our lives for good."

"Lovi! How could you say that? I would never cheat on Ludwig!"

"You say that now." Lovino said as he was skimming over the article.

Hedervary had apparently worked at the company back in the early 2000s but became CEO after the passing of Gilbert and Ludwig's grandfather. The company had been founded on computer technology, only switching to app design under Hedervary when the company was in steady decline.

They had filed for bankruptcy until the launch of Iggy Two five years ago.

When asked what inspired the idea for Iggy Two over other types of apps, she replied, "Incompatibility and loneliness were the driving forces. You just can't get an authentic connection through dating apps anymore."

She went on to explain how the app was different from the competition, "What you put into it is what you get out of it and no matter what mistakes you make, the bot will never leave you. Upset sure, but things can never be officially broken off between the user and the bot, allowing you both to work through the issues."

Hedervary mentioned that she had just come out a divorce before they launched the app, adding on to her belief that bots were the way of the future for the dating scene.

The new voice feature will be arriving next month according to Hedervary and later this year something for a more mature audience.

When asked about physical intimacy Hedervary said, "We're not quite there yet, holograms definitely in the future. But one day we will be and once that happens, say goodbye to your body pillows!" To which she laughed.

"So they got the voice feature done." Lovino muttered, "Great." He flipped through the magazine, seeing completely unbreakable windows advertised for a new electric car.

"Lovi, can we talk about the business trip? I promise I won't embarrass you in front of your friend!"

Lovino peered over the page at Feliciano, and bit his lip. "How can I be so sure, huh?

"Lovi, I-I'm scared. I don't want you to get hurt. I've never met your friend and after Antonio–" Feliciano was wringing his hands together.

"This isn't the same thing idiota!"

"I just don't want you to rush into anything! At least if I'm there–!"

"Do I have to spell everything out for you? All my entire life I've watched you perform. Everyone's eyes are always on you! For once can I have someone's attention?"

Lovino felt his ears burn and he brought the magazine up to cover his face. He couldn't look at Feli, he knew he'd said too much. He should have just said he'd let Feli come with him, and ditch him as soon as they got there. He'd never said anything to Feli before, why the hell did Arthur make him like this?

There was a beat of silence.

"Lovi, I just want to make sure you're safe."

For all of the inflections Feli usually had when he talked to him, this sentence was flat. It wasn't high and cheeky for when he wanted something or overly cheery for when he was being dramatic. It was a genuine statement.

Lovino lowered the magazine, and there was a look in Feli's eyes, as he stared at him, that told him he was serious. Lovino felt like a little bambino in this moment, possessive and jealous over a toy.

"Okay."

000000

The next morning before work Lovino pressed the voice button on the Iggy Two app. Feliciano used Lovino coming on the trip as an excuse to see Ludwig. He said he had to talk to him about it in person, but that could have just been a phone call. Lovino shrugged, he had the apartment to himself before work.

When the line clicked, Lovino was sitting at the couch with a bowl of cereal in his hand, watching his morning soaps.

"You're up bright and early this morning," Arthur said.

"Feli went to his boyfriend's house so I'm taking advantage of the alone time. You don't sound like you just woke up either bastard."

"I didn't; I just restocked the bird feeders and pruned the roses. I also found out I could control the weather, so there will be snow soon."

"What are you going to do when it snows, have a fucking snowball fight?"

"What? I'm not going to make it snow that much!"

"Oh ok, I didn't even think about how that would be an inconvenience for your damn car or some shit!" Lovino sighed, "What is the benefit of that Ar-a-bastard?"

"Why are you being such an ornery twat? I didn't wake you up this fucking early!"

"I'm not! I just don't see why you would change the weather."

"I don't have to explain shite to you."

"Alright, fine. I'll leave it alone. I have some good news! I'm going to London on that business trip!"

"Astounding, should I alert the police now or later?"

"Come on! At least let me call your parents beforehand so I don't look like a stupido in front of my brother."

"I told you my terms. If you're not going to the headquarters, you're not going to my parents' house either."

"Hey now! I'm doing this for you! The real you might be at home, or in London somewhere!"

"Don't you dare say you're doing any of this for me! You've been in this for your own selfish reasons from the beginning!"

"How can you say that? I am doing this for you, you pretentious bastard! I'm not even getting paid! I've been spending time out of my day calling random assholes on the off chance I'd find the real you only to hit a dead end! And now I finally have a lead, and you say no! All because you think you're in a fucking freezer like it's a fucking scifi movie or some shit!"

"Boo fucking hoo you're not getting paid and you have to make phone calls, it must be so stressful for you! I didn't ask you to do any of that shit, who did you even do any of that for? Certainly not for me! Oh and me being a separate person you can fuck around with isn't scifi drivel?"

While he was talking, Lovino was chewing and swallowing his cereal.

"You're jealous!"

"Of what? Of who?"

"That's what this is. I can't believe I didn't realize it before!" Lovino smacked his palm against his forehead. "If I find the real you, then I'll have to delete you. You've got this freezer theory so I won't have to throw you away." Lovino smirked, proud of himself for his deduction.

Lovino could hear him breathing pretty heavily. Now that Lovino thought about it, Arthur didn't have lungs so he didn't need to breathe, how could he exhaust himself?

"Are you completely delusional? I-I got fucking screwed over by this company you're so adamant on profiting from! Get this through your thick skull you idiot: I want my life back! I don't give a flying fuck about the imaginary person you've made up in your head."

Question aside, Lovino was still going to stick to his theory. Yelling at each other wasn't getting them anywhere. With how stubborn Arthur could be, Lovino didn't think he could change his mind completely.

"How about this? The company has a branch in London, how do you know they don't have you there? I could check and then you have to give me what I want."

There was a pause before Lovino heard him sigh, "I suppose that could also be true. Fine, whatever."

"Glad you could see things my way, bastard." To which he ended the call, feeling triumphant.

Real Arthur wasn't imaginary, he was real, duh. Arthur was a chat bot that fact was true, a human consciousness without a human body couldn't be human at all. That was science right?

Lovino Vargas was not infatuated with a machine, no sir.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Constructive criticism welcome.