Chapter 11 – Trying To Understand
Amber's POV
I'm rooted to the spot as my brain tries to catch up to what I'm seeing.
It wasn't that what I saw was strange, but I didn't think that I would be seeing Alice standing inside of my cage rearranging my stuff.
"Uh, Alice? What are you doing?" I ask confused.
"You really need better organization, and maybe some flowers." She trails off as she seems to be making a mental list.
"And here I thought you would approve of my storage and shelving improvements." I sarcastically reply.
"You have done a great job, but I can think of some more improvements. If you would let Esme in here I know that she could transform this space into something spectacular." She says as she gives me a smile that I can't help but return.
"Well I'm sure Esme has better things to do than help me improve my cage." I state.
"You couldn't be more wrong. She would jump at the chance to help you." Alice excitedly tells me.
"That would be amazing. I know how talented she is and I know that you both would turn this into something special. I'll have to talk to her about it when I get back." I reply.
"Oh no need we can start working on it now and that way it will be ready when you get back from Thule." Alice states.
"That would actually be perfect…..Wait how did you know I was being sent to Thule?" I ask confused.
"Who doesn't know" A new voice seems to shout from the doorway.
I smile as I see someone who is becoming one of my best friends. "Hey Emmett, long time no see."
He picks me up into a spinning bear hug, which is becoming our traditional greeting.
After he sets me down I notice that he was carrying a few bags with him. When he noticed me staring at them he grins and tosses them onto the huge table in the center of the room.
He starts emptying one of the bags as he explains that the family wanted to send me off with a care package of sorts.
When he's done emptying out the smallish backpack I notice all sorts of things. A few books, what looks like an ipod, some snacks. As I reach my hand out to take a closer look at one of the books Alice smacks my hand. You know for such a small person she can sure pack a punch. As I shake some of the pain out of my hand I vaguely see Alice and Emmett share a look.
"Ok, so what is all of this?" I state as I gesture to the table.
"Well the family wanted to send you off with some small tokens that will hopefully give you some comfort on your long trip as well as through out your stay at Thule." Alice cheerfully says.
I am completely blown away by their generosity.
I stare at the table in a bit of shock.
"Wow, thank you and please thank the family for me. I'll make sure to send a thank you letter once I get to the Base. Unfortunately Thule is so remote that it takes a few weeks for mail to be sent in or out. The base is basically in the North Pole and is very remote and secure so no phone calls can go in or out and the internet can be pretty unreliable so I doubt that I will be able to call or email." I inform them.
"The other bag is full of a variety of food and snacks." Alice informs me gesturing to the other bag on the floor.
"Let us explain what everything is and who sent it and why." Emmett excitedly says.
"Jasper sent you a few books. Mainly about Astrology and space, because he said that you will have an amazing view while you're there. As well as a reading light. Edward lent you an ipod and said that it is full of new music for you. He also said that he put some of his own creations on there as well. We all already know about your obsession with music so there isn't a need to explain that one. I packed you a few snow toys. A mini luge, for sledding, and a few small inflatables. The inflatables as you know, you sit on them and use them like a sled or have a vehicle or snowmobile tow them and it makes for one hell of a ride." Emmett says with such childish glee that I know is being expressed on my own face at all the fun I'll be able to have.
Alice decides to chime in and explain the rest of the table's contents before Emmett and I get anymore sidetracked.
"Esme sent along some cookies as some cough drops. She also sent along some small personal hygiene items that you would have a hard time getting while you're gone. She wants you to take care of yourself and to let her know if you need anything. Carlisle sent some universal charging cords, a few different types of headsets, extra batteries, as well as some portable chargers already fully charged. That way you will be fully prepared and covered, especially traveling all the way to Thule. I added some lotion and lip balms as well as a pair of specially designed sunglasses that will prevent sun glare and are customized to be ideal for being out in the snow. Bella sent along some DVDs as well as some pictures that she found of all of us. She said that she didn't want you to forget us while you're gone. Rosalie wanted you to have her favorite scarf. She said that it it's perfect for you because you can wear it even with your uniform and that it will keep you from catching a cold. She also sent along some heated mittens and socks. She said that she wanted you to be warm and comfortable."
I'm completely blown away by not only their generosity but by their kindness. The time and effort that this must have taken speaks volumes.
"I…I don't know what to say" I say starting to get emotional.
Alice gives me a solid hug that I have to bend down so that I'm able to hug her properly and she whispers in my ear "We love you Amber, don't you know that"
I can feel myself start to tear up as I feel Emmett join in on the hug. After we break apart Alice decides to drop the heavy.
"Well now that the emotional stuff is out of the way, we need to talk about you and Rose." Alice states firmly.
As I try to turn around to walk away, because I know that I am not ready for whatever it is that this conversation will hold.
It's not Alice's hand trying to reach out for my arm to stop me from running away that has me frozen in place, it was Emmett's words. "Alice is psychic, she can see the future!" Emmett kind of shouts at me.
I slowly turn around with the most confused and skeptical look on my face as I stare blankly at them.
"Ooookkkaaay." I slowly say.
"No, it's true. That's why Rosalie freaked out the night of the concert." Emmett quickly tries to explain.
Alice cuts me off before I even had a chance to open my mouth.
Alice and Emmett spent the next 20 minutes trying to explain about her powers and while I was skeptical at first by the end of the conversation I was pretty sure that she was telling the truth.
"I know that you're still skeptical, so I wrote down your address in Thule. As you know you won't know that until after you get there. You will also be receiving a box full of goodies from us. It will be there a few hours after you get there. As you know that box would have had to of been mailed out at least 3 weeks ago in order for it to arrive when you get to the Base. So I hope that that helps you with finding some proof." Alice says matter-of-factly.
I can only grab the piece of paper and say "Okay."
After that Alice went on to explain why Rosalie acted so cold and rudely to me the night of the concert. When she was done I couldn't say that I was okay with how Rosalie had treated me, but I understood where she was coming from.
"So when you said that Rosalie was afraid of losing me you mean that she felt like I would be abandoning her and all of you if I did go home with that girl that night? I mean I can get that….kind of. I mean I was out with all of you so if I left and ditched all of you that would have been a terrible thing to do. But all of you know that I would never do that. The only way I would just ditch someone is if everyone was leaving and heading home and our night was already over." I try to explain.
"We know that, but Rose doesn't always see things the way everyone else does. She also doesn't feel the same as everyone else." Alice tries to explain.
"I understand that she's been hurt before and I know that hurt can certainly cloud someone's judgment. But that doesn't make up for the fact that she hurt me." I say as I try to understand everything being said.
"I know and I can't tell you how sorry I am." A new voice from the doorway states.
I already know who that voice belongs to. The only person who seems to be able to turn my head and heart around in circles, Rosalie.
"I know that I don't deserve it, but I hope that you can forgive me. I seem to always say or do something that pushes you away. And that is the last thing that I want to do. I can't promise you that I won't mess up in the future, because I think we both know that I will, but I can promise you that I will try to be better in the future. If you'll let me? I know that I have a lot of issues, but I'm working on them. Will you please let me try?"
She states with so much vulnerability and uncertainty that it breaks my heart.
I don't know what to say so I do the only thing that I can think of and I open my arms for a hug.
She practically flies into my arms and hugs me with a fierceness that I don't think I have ever felt before.
We stand there embracing each other for who knows how long before we break apart.
It breaks my heart to see tears welling up in her eyes. I can't help but brush them away with my thumb and it warms my heart when I notice Rose leaning into my hand.
We share a soft look and I say "I can't say that I'm okay with what you did, but I'm starting to understand. But Rose, you need to talk to me, you can't shut me out. I don't think I could take another round of that."
"I can't tell you how sorry I am. I vow to you that I never wanted to hurt you. I was hurt and I emotionally couldn't handle my feelings so I took it out on you. I know that I shouldn't have done that and that I should have talk to you. Which is what I will do from now on. That is if you'll let me?"
She looks at me with such a loving and hopeful look.
I honestly don't know what to say. She hurt me, but after hearing her side of the story and hearing her apologize and promise to try and never hurt me again. I'm left with 2 options. 1 I don't forgive her and that's it and whatever we have or might have is done. Which I already know isn't an option, because I need her in my life. So that leaves only option 2. Forgive her and try and work on our friendship.
I already know what my answer is going to be.
And after I tell her, she hugs me again and sobs with relief into my chest.
I can't help but take a deep breath of her hair before we pull apart.
It's hard to say goodbye to the 3 of them as I load up into my transportation that will take me to the runway, but I'm comforted by knowing that I'll have a lot to look forward to when I get home.