Sorry for being late, but this chapter is about feelings. I'm bad at feelings. I'm not saying I can't do feelings. Just that I have a hard time writing feelings. (Unless it's hate)

Chapter 30: Human like us all

Albus Dumbledore had more or less been expecting the visit, when Remus Lupin met him on the grounds of Hogwarts. The headmaster may not have known where and when the werewolf would come to see him, but he had had few doubts that he would.

Remus could have waited for the next Order reunion, though. It was only two days from now.

Then again, if Albus was right in his assumptions, this was about Sirius Black and his latest stunt. Merlin forbid Remus from waiting when it was about Sirius Black. Or, more specifically, about what Sirius had done.

And, despite what the werewolf probably thought, there wasn't much the older wizard could do about the situation. Sirius had made a choice, and unless he undid his occlumency shields on his own, he'd stay walled up. Trying to break the fortress from outside was difficult, dangerous, and not something Dumbledore wanted to do without Sirius' authorization.

Needless to say, if he had this authorization, there'd be no point in trying, since Sirius was totally able to do it on his own, with no risks to his mind.

Dumbledore walked down the path to join his former student, and found himself facing the Black Lake.

If he could not, and would not, force Sirius out of his occlumency shields, it didn't mean there was nothing to be done; or, that he couldn't give Remus advice on how to achieve that.

"What can I do for you, Remus?"

The werewolf glanced silently at the headmaster, before turning back to look at the still water.

"What Sirius did... He can't keep this up."

"Then talk him out of it. You already did once, Remus, and this time you won't wait three months like during your fifth year. I do not see the problem here."

The younger wizard's voice was frustrated when he answered, and, once again, Dumbledore recognized the man's lack of faith in himself. Remus Lupin usually managed to keep that sentiment of being unworthy and incapable to himself. This time, apparently, wasn't such a time.

He really needed to trust himself a bit more.

"Last time, I wasn't alone! Last time Peter and James were there with me, to make him stop! Now Peter's a traitor, James is dead, and I am not the reason Sirius shut himself inside his own freaking mind! His brother Regulus is, and Regulus has just as much success as myself in getting Sirius back! That is, supposing he actually is trying..."

The end sounded bitter, which the headmaster didn't miss.

Albus decided it was time to visit the Black residency. Three days had passed since September, the first. Three days since Regulus Black's return to the world, three days since Sirius Black's disappearance. Or, as close as it could get to a disappearance when the man in question was still physically present.

"We will go to see them, then. Both brothers are staying at Black Manor, are they not?"

Remus' anger, which Dumbledore couldn't really tell if it was directed at the werewolf himself or at Sirius' brother, slumped down alongside his shoulders. It was more, the headmaster realized, despair than anger. A feeling of helplessness...

Albus could relate. He had felt that way for some time, once he had found out, no, once he had stopped blinding himself to Gellert's flaws.

They started walking out of Hogwarts, only stopping for the headmaster to send a message to Professor McGonagall about their leaving. As they walked, Dumbledore thought he'd get Remus to speak a bit more. The man certainly needed to.

"Why are you so desperate to force Sirius back, Remus?"

"The answer seems obvious, doesn't it?"

"I am not asking you why you want your best friend back, or why it has to be done. What I want to know, is what is really troubling you. Is there a reason, for you to be this affected, when we both know this was only Sirius breaking down for once, instead of keeping it all bottled up? The way he decided to deal with it is not good, obviously, because he will still have to sort through his feelings when he ends his mental barriers. But you should not be this desperate, Remus. Not about Sirius' decision."

It could have been worse. It could always be worse. Sirius hadn't murdered anyone, he hadn't ended his own life, he wasn't even drowning his worries in alcohol. For all purpose, Sirius Black was operational, if not emotionaly present. It was better than nothing.

And they both knew Sirius would come back at some point.

If only because there was bound to be a moment he'd need to truly be there.

Remus forced himself to take a deep breathe, calm down, be a good and patient person. He did know why Sirius' reaction to his brother's return bothered him so much. Really, it was obvious.

"The only other time he shut everything down, he was guilty, Albus."

What did it say about the situation, now that Regulus Black was back, without a Dark Mark, and Sirius had reacted the same way he had previously done after doing something really illegal? Remus knew of no way to make the Dark Mark disappear, but he couldn't see another reason why Sirius would have reacted so severely.

Or, at least, even if he could understand why Sirius would be in utter shock after seeing his dead younger brother, well, alive, Remus couldn't help but suspect that there was more behind Sirius' reaction than the simple emotional shock.

There was always something else behind everything Sirius did.

And Remus feared for his friend. He feared that Sirius had taken a rushed decision about his brother, and that to cover his doubts, or perhaps, his guilt, he had closed the gates to his mind. It wouldn't be the first time Sirius let the lights out because of what he had done. Because what he had possibly done was something even he couldn't rationalize, even he couldn't excuse.

Not only Remus feared the factual outcome of Sirius' choice, but he also feared that, once Sirius would be back, he wouldn't be able to deal with it.

Albus stopped to look at the younger wizard for half a minute. Then he hummed, glanced at the sky, a thoughtful look on his face, and resumed his walking.

Thruthfully, he could have apparated them to Black Manor even inside Hogwarts, as the headmaster, but it was obvious that Remus needed to talk before confronting his elusive best friend.

Oddly enough, people didn't talk to Dumbledore even when he did say he was there for it, if they felt it necessary. He suspected it was because they usually felt ashamed, guilty, or otherwise not keen on communicating whatever was bothering them. Perhaps they feared he would laugh at their concern, or think them weak. Or they thought he had better things to do, and never a moment to assure their personal stability. It wasn't the image he was trying to give, but what could he do?

Eitherway, the headmaster had long learned that most of the time, the best way to get people to open up to him was not to say anything and just give them time.

Which didn't mean he wouldn't answer once someone asked.

"Did you consider that it is perhaps a good thing, all in all, if not the best, that Sirius reacted to whatever he did? If I know him well enough, Remus, and I think I know him a little at least, this situation is the product of his emotions and his need for control colliding. No matter how much he tries to deny it, Sirius is human like us all. He cannot ignore his feelings completely. And at the same time, he knows they are liable to blind him to the truth. He is not in permanent control of his own thoughts, but at least he is aware of it, unlike many people. And when backed in a corner, he tried to find a solution which didn't involve his own feelings."

Remus snorted a bit at that, knowing very well how Sirius was. The man wanted to predict absolutely everything, and at the same time, to be unpredictable when it mattered. Always keeping everyone on edge.

Well, he was doing it alright, only, perhaps not in the best way.

"It may be good that he's trying, but I still don't agree with how he does it."

The werewolf could have sworn he saw the headmaster's upper lip twitch in amusement.

"Which is why it is important for you to talk to him, Remus."

They reached the gates and left the grounds of Hogwarts.

The next moment they were standing in front of the gates of Black Manor, just outside the anti-apparition wards. They could theoretically enter the grounds without announcing themselves, as Sirius had keyed them into the wards, but it was bad manners to just barge in. Not that Sirius would care in his current state.

However, Regulus Black might care, as he was spending some time with his shadow of a brother and his surprisingly muggle wife at Black Manor. With Sirius being out of emotional commission, and Regulus Black being suspiciously well-behaved, Remus was not going to try his luck and invite himself in.

At least not unless Regulus Black tried to keep him out.

A house-elf, whom Remus recognized as Sterhn, popped into existence just on the other side of the gates, and stared at them in silence for a moment, before bowing.

"If Mister Lupin and Headmaster Dumbledore would come in. The master is informed of your presence."

No mention of the master's feelings about their visit, Remus noticed.

On the other hand, the werewolf knew that the word "feelings" right now was not to be associated with Sirius. So he guessed it was logical that he didn't think himself particularly concerned, or opposed, to their presence.

The gates opened, and the house-elf took a step back.

"Lord Black is in his study. Master Regulus and Mistress Amanda are spending time outside, near the pond. Mistress Bellatrix's ghost is checking the edges of the property, in case someone would, again, try to get access without being invited. Which, Sterhn can says, would be spectacularly stupid. The Black wards are amongst the most aggressive in the wizarding world. And Miss Rowle is there to visit, too. She is currently in the library, with Master Sirius' allowance."

Dumbledore seemed amused by the news, Remus noted. The younger wizard was growing more and more suspicious of the relationship between Sirius and Eleanor Rowle. It seemed like she was spending an awful amount of time at Black Manor lately.

Of course, Sirius hadn't said a thing to Remus. But the guy, for all he could be sharp and brilliant, was more than lacking when it came to his own relationships. Remus suspected he had been betrayed too many times to even think someone who had no actual link to him could in fact care for him.

Sterhn went back to the Manor with a pop, and Remus smiled wrily.

"So Eleanor Rowle is there too..."

Dumbledore hummed, an innocent look on his face to prove he had absolutely no idea what this could be about.

"Sirius and her seems to have come to a deep friendship. It is to be expected that she would be worried by his sudden withdrawal after the return of his brother."

"Deep friendship, sure."

Remus might have drawled that last comment a bit.

He blamed his own friendship with Sirius for that. He usually was someone very considerate of other people's feelings. But apparently talking relationships about Sirius was a bit too much, even for his considerate ways.

Dumbledore, still all innocent-sounding, gullible-faced, made Remus regret his drawl.

"And how is your friendship with Nymphadora going, Remus?"

The werewolf gulped, and swore he would not, ever, in the rest of his life, sneer at Sirius' difficulties with relationships, especially not before the guy himself. He did not want to be reminded of his own issues.

So he went for the less dangerous answer.

"We've both been busy with the Order lately. I'm afraid Tonks didn't get to see me as much as she'd like. She has to deal with her auror duties on top of it all."

"Perhaps I should see if there is a mission you two could handle together, then?"

Damn the old man!

"Please don't. Our areas of expertise are not compatible."

Or so Remus would like to think. It would be easier if it was really the case.

Then again, perhaps he wasn't so much talking about "areas of expertise" as of something else.

The conversation, to Remus' great relief, was cut short as they saw the latest Black couple sitting by the pond before the manor.

Remus hadn't yet met Amanda White – sorry, Amanda Black, and, seriously, had they done it on purpose? He had seen a quick shot of her leaving St. Mungo's with her husband on the Daily Prophet, her right arm raised to keep the journalists away, revealing a bit too many scars for it not to be worrying. Some had said things about these being due to Regulus and an unhealthy relationship, which wasn't that surprising considering that he was from a notably racist family.

But Remus could see the way Sirius' brother was leaning over his wife, as if shielding her from malicious intent. He was showing her a few books, probably explaining a bit more about his world than he had already done before, now that he had actual, historic examples.

Amanda White seemed to take it all very well. The manor, the immense property, the hidden past and the world secretly at war. She certainly didn't seem disturbed by the big changes in her life.

She looked up at the visitors, and her face brightened with a smile which was painfully familiar to Remus.

Her scarlet hair shone in the candid morning light with a brightness he hadn't seen in a long time. She reminded him of Lily, just a bit. But Lily at the end of the war, just before her death. Happy with her son and her husband, but damaged nonetheless by what she had seen.

Remus wondered what Amanda White could have seen that would forever alter her bright blue eyes into pools of relieved joy.

Then again, she had these scars on her arms.

She hadn't gotten these cooking a meal, of that Remus was certain.

Her voice was soft when she spoke, the kind that oddly covered any scream and was always heard.

"Cadfael, your brother's visitors are here."

Regulus started a bit, and when he looked up at Albus Dumbledore and Remus Lupin, his cheeks were pinkish. Amanda had taken to calling him Regulus, but she still called him Cadfael from time to time, instead of "Honey" or another nickname. It was less obvious, and he doubted the two other wizards could guess what the name really meant to him now, but still... Amanda had basically called him Honey before two people he didn't think liked him much.

Gazes met during the following seconds. Amanda sighed a bit at the obvious awkwardness, which she could read well enough to tell it also had a lot to do with past issues and distrust. She closed the book, and put a hand on Regulus' arm.

"I'll be with Eleanor while you try to get your brother back into the world of humanity. She's not saying anything, but I think she's having a hard time accepting this new Sirius Black."

Regulus frowned, forgetting the visitors for a moment.

"Really? But why would she..."

The look his wife gave him, arched eyebrows and a long-suffering expression on, told him he was being either stupid or blind. Considering the object of the discussion, Regulus surmised he was being daft, which implied he was being both stupid and blind.

He looked up at the floor where the manor's library was, and up again at his brother's study.

"Really?"

"Why do you think she's been coming here for the last three days, you fool?"

"For the books?"

Even he thought he didn't sound convinced at all by his own words. If only because the Rowles had their own private library, and Eleanor Rowle didn't seem like the kind of witch who would be interested in the rarest books the Black library had which her own might not. That was, books on dark magic. And if Eleanor Rowle wasn't here for the library, like she had told him...

She most certainly was here for Sirius.

Sirius, who, for all he was present, wasn't really here.

Amanda may have smuggled a sneer in her slightly condescending smile.

"Sure, for the books. Anyway, I'll be up there. Speaking about 'books' with Eleanor. Don't you dare come and interrupt our bookish conversation. There are some things men aren't allowed to hear about their brother."

Regulus watched his wife making her way to the manor with a slightly astonished look.

Then he remembered the visitors, and his neck creaked as he turned it a bit too fast in a sudden movement to look back at the two.

Remus Lupin seemed just as dumbfounded by the fairer sex as he was. And Albus Dumbledore had a knowing glint in his eyes which made Regulus wonder about his former headmaster's love life, something he immediately regretted.

The oldest wizard eventually coughed a bit to break the silence.

"How is your brother, Regulus?"

"Healthy."

Which, physically, was as true as it could be. Regulus was well aware, though, that it wasn't the point of the old man's question.

Still, he thought it was important to point out that Sirius wasn't bleeding from his eyes, ears or mouth anymore. If he had, Regulus would have been forced to drag his stubborn, and currently uncaring, big brother back to St. Mungo's, which, he was sure, would have been so much fun...

He shuddered at the simple thought.

Lupin glared at him, and Regulus self-consciously grabbed his now-unmarked arm. Which didn't go unnoticed by the visitors. Not that he had expected many people to believe Sirius' story. And, as Sirius had said, what really mattered was that there wasn't any proof of anything anymore.

"You know what he meant, Black."

"I'm not the one who decided it was better to get myself shut-in mentally, Lupin! Sirius did this all on this own. So yes, obviously, he's still as emotionally dead as yesterday and the days before that. But I have no idea what to do to stop it."

Lupin took a step forward, and Regulus had to stop himself from either recoiling – or, on the other side of the reaction spectrum, taking a step forward too. He didn't want to show his discomfort or his guilt, and he certainly could do better than antagonizing – again – Sirius' friend.

He was trying to be on his best behavior, to prove he had changed.

Not that he was boneheaded like Sirius or possibly still thinking he was better than anyone else.

He had learned better years ago, at the expense of his health and memory.

"You're the reason he did this!"

"And you were the reason the first time around, so I think you aren't in any position to criticize. Now you could go up there, try to talk him out of this, get him back, like I did, and hope that if there are more than one or two people who tell him we actually do want him back, Sirius will put an end to this. Or you could stay here and accuse me of a lot of things while he doesn't change his decision. What do you prefer?"

The werewolf took a step back, and let his mood calm down. He had always been a quiet one, Regulus knew, but it was really the first time he realized how mellow the man was. Before, he had been too blinded by his friendship with his traitorous older brother to consider the man properly.

Lupin shook his head, as if to chase away the most unpleasant thoughts, and headed to the manor.

He only turned back once he was standing before the main doors.

"Black. I'm willing to consider your change of heart, but if I find that you are only playing with Sirius' mind... Actually, you'd better hope I'll be the one to find out first, and not your brother. He's been broken so many times, I'm not sure he'd take your betrayal very well. The first time around, at least, you were frank on your position."

Regulus didn't think there was anything he could answer, so he simply watched the werewolf go in without a word.

Which might explain why the sigh startled him so much.

Regulus jumped around, and realized he had completely forgotten about Albus Dumbledore standing there, just behind him. As if the man wasn't the most powerful and knowledgeable wizard in the United Kingdom. This was definitely not the kind of people Regulus was supposed to forget about when they were standing behind him. His mother would be ashamed.

Not that it took a lot to ashame Walburga Black.

The old wizard gave him an amused look, before glancing back at the door Remus Lupin had just passed. Regulus noticed how weary and tired the man looked, beneath the calm tranquility.

He guessed that Albus Dumbledore was getting old, after all. He was something like one hundred and ten years old, give or take. It couldn't exactly be easy for him to stay on the front of the war against Voldemort.

The Dark Lord knew that, too.

Regulus shivered, only relieved by the fact that if Voldemort was conscious of his enemy's old age, he was also too sure of himself, and of his relatively young age. The Dark Lord's biggest flaw was certainly to underestimate everyone. He had underestimated Regulus, once upon a time.

He didn't want to think about Voldemort's reaction when he'd learn about his continued existence, if he didn't already know. Regulus didn't want to think about the danger to Amanda and Alshain.

He had more pressing matters to attend to, anyway. Albus Dumbledore had not followed Lupin inside, and Regulus had a feeling there was a reason for that.

It would only make sense for the leader of the Order of the Phoenix to want to talk to him, the Death Eater who had just come back from the dead, and who, Regulus was certain, wasn't that convincing as a falsely accused man to those who knew enough.

Unlike Sirius, he didn't have a long past of fighting for the better cause to make it more believable.

The older wizard looked Regulus in the eyes, and immediately all the warmth in his gaze disappeared to the benefit of something colder, and certainly not about to be fooled.

The question which followed, though, was not what he had expected.

"Do you love your wife, Regulus?"

The younger wizard almost choked in surprise, and took a step away from the old man. What was that question, seriously? He had been expecting something about loyalties, earning his redemption, or even about not hurting Sirius after everything he had lived through.

But a question about Amanda?

"Of course I do!"

His outraged tone did not seem to faze the old wizard.

"And how would you describe this love, young man? Is Amanda White the most perfect woman in the world, is she the one you've always been waiting for, is she that love you know you should not indulge in but you cannot do otherwise?"

Still not seeing where this was going, Regulus eyed the headmaster of Hogwarts warily.

"None of these. She's just the one I love, and it isn't for the best or the worst. I'm complety aware she isn't perfect, but she's the one I need now, and I'm the one she needs too. She doesn't excuse everything I do, and I never forget that she saw more of me than most, even when I didn't have my memories, and that, nevertheless, she still stayed with me."

Regulus suddenly realized his choice of words hadn't been the most judicious, especially when addressed to Albus Dumbledore, who wouldn't have much difficulty guessing that indeed, he now remembered everything. Sure, it also said he really had forgotten his whole life for the last fifteen years or so, but it wasn't the problem here.

His heart sped up, expecting things to go badly after that.

But, to his surprise, and Merlin, wasn't this day full of surprises? – the old wizard smiled. The hard glint in his eyes had disappeared. Apparently he had heard what he wanted. Regulus still wasn't sure whether it was good or bad for him.

Dumbledore looked back up at the sky.

"As long as you realize that your muggle wife is a human being just like yourself, Regulus, I don't see a reason to suspect you of anything nefarious. There are people who love others, but feel like they shouldn't, because the other one is not what they consider right for them. I think you remember quite well Evan Rosier's secret, don't you?"

Regulus blanched visibly.

So that was the point of the old man's questioning? Knowing whether or not he had really changed?

He cleared his throat, his eyes set on a tree, not to look in the headmaster's direction.

"Evan loved Diana, but he still thought he shouldn't. She wasn't enough to make him change is views. He never left Voldemort's ranks, not even for his muggleborn wife, not for his halfblood daughter."

Dumbledore nodded, thinking back to Evan Rosier's death, and realizing that Regulus certainly couldn't know about the exact circumstances. He hesitated only a moment.

"When Alastor Moody went to arrest your friend, Evan Rosier fought to his death. We first assumed he wanted to take Alastor with him into death, or that he didn't want to be taken to Azkaban. But not long after, the news of Diana Exeter's, no, Diana Rosier's pregnancy spread. I believe your friend only wanted to go back to his wife, no matter what. He loved her."

Regulus strangled a feeble laugh, trying not to let the tears out. He really ought to go and see Diana.

"Not enough, it seems."

Albus watched the young wizard for a moment, then headed to the manor. If Remus hadn't yet managed to convince Sirius in letting himself back, he'd give a try at talking. Still, he turned around one last time, and added something more to the dying conversation.

"I was in love, once. But it was the kind of person you should not love, and I noticed that too late. A bit like your cousin Bellatrix. The difference being, I realized what was truly happening before they got me killed. You should be happy that you love the right kind."

The old wizard walked up the stairs in silence. He stopped for a minute when he saw the forms of the two women currenly in Black Manor; they were talking quietly in the library, and the door had been left ajar. He shook his head, and thought the Black brothers really were choosing right, even if one of them hadn't yet understood what was going on. Amanda White and Eleanor Rowle were truly what they both needed.

Dumbledore climbed the last flight of stairs, and waited by the door next to Sirius' private apartment – Lord Black's study. He could hear rushed words coming from the room, but nothing definite. The only thing he was certain of, from Remus' tone, was that the werewolf was growing exasperated.

In other words, it wasn't going well.

A couple of minutes passed, and suddenly Remus was storming out of the room.

He stopped for an instant, as he noticed Dumbledore waiting, and schooled his features.

"He's all yours. But I doubt you will get much out of him, not without forcing your way in. This... it's not Sirius. It's just his body, working on autopilot. There's no reasoning with that thing."

Albus wondered if the younger wizard wasn't correlating his friend's condition a bit too much with his own lycanthropy. True, both states worked by preventing any personal connection to the situation they were in. But unlike Remus' wolf-self, the fortress Sirius had isolated himself in wasn't designed to keep the mind at bay; lycanthropy caused an absolute lack of control, whereas this mind lock was making control the only parameter to one's behavior.

The older wizard wasn't going to ask, though. Not while Remus was this invested in the issue. Perhaps later, when the werewolf would be able to see the events, and his own reaction, in a clearer light.

If, and only if, Remus didn't figure it out beforehand.

Dumbledore waited for Remus to disappear down the stairs. Then he knocked at the door to Sirius' study, even though it had been left wide open.

"Come on in."

The Black lord was sitting straighter than Sirius Black had ever sat – except these particular months, during his fifth year at Hogwarts. Behind a desk covered in old parchments and even some papyrus, the young man was seemingly researching something, undisturbed by his best friend's hasty and angsty exit. Albus had to admit it was rather unsettling and out-of-character for Sirius Black.

Then again, the whole problem was that, currently, Sirius didn't have the slightest bit of a character.

He had literally locked his personality down.

Lord Black put down his quill and glanced one last time at the papers scattered on his desk, before looking up to Dumbledore, who had taken the seat on the other side of the desk.

"It would appear your theories about Harry's possible survival are indeed founded, if I am to believe my research. Of course, it is still a big 'if' depending on a lot of circumstances, and the fiability of my sources. But the fact that we have both come to the same conclusion does paint the situation a bit lighter. Though, just like you, I have not found the beginning of another solution."

Black stared at Albus for a time. No words were exchanged during that time.

"But it is not the reason you are here, is it, Headmaster?"

This, again, was no question, even if Black had made it sound like one.

"Remus and I came together, I fear."

"Obviously."

Albus took a moment to examine the young man, from his pale skin, the dark shadows under his eyes, to the lack of expression on his face, the rigid posture which was the exact contrary of who Sirius Black was. It was a bit terrifying how, just by erasing the personal aspect of someone, it made them look completely inhuman. Even Black's handsomeness, though still present, had simply faded behind his unmoving features.

Everything disappeared behind the first, cold, slightly-not-human feeling he gave off.

"You should really stop it, you know."

"Regulus, Eleanor and Remus already told me that."

"They are right."

"I did not say otherwise."

Interesting. Perhaps Black hadn't been that deaf to his friends and family's demands. After all, it was only logical that, at some point, he'd have to reverse the occlumency shields. And right now, Lord Black was nothing but logical.

The young man gestured at his research.

"Only, I do not think it is the right time for that. Since I am already in this state, and as, the moment I let it go, I will be submerged by the feelings I have been repressing, it is only natural for me to want to make the most out of it."

Or not. Of course, Black was right, but it didn't mean it was what he should be doing.

"The more you postpone your return, Sirius, the more you risk it to happen at the very worst moment. Imagine you bring yourself back only for something grave to happen in the next days, when you are not yet emotionally recovered; what then?"

"This argument is invalid. This hypothetical grave event could very well occur tomorrow, and then having stopped my mind lock earlier would do exactly the same thing."

"Think about your brother and your friends. It is them you are hurting now, by refusing to come back. Besides, I have enough faith in you to believe that, if there is something to discover that could help Harry, you would find it no matter how impaired you find yourself to be at the moment."

Black made a face, one which was oddly terrifying because of the lack of emotions behind it.

"Like I found a way to avenge James and Lily after Peter's betrayal? Had I kept my feelings under wraps at the time, I wouldn't have spent twelve years in Azkaban and two years on the run, only to get killed last June and resurrecting myself using my assassin's life force. And Harry might not have spent most of his life with the Dursleys."

There was a short pause, but Dumbledore felt the young man still had more to say.

"Moreover, I am keeping myself chained down so that they don't get hurt. Regulus might not appreciate what I would have to say to him otherwise. And in an emotional turmoil, I could accidently cause something worse than what already is. I will not allow that to happen. Not before I manage to make most things go straight again."

Albus sighed, and stood from his seat.

"If that is what you think, Sirius, I am afraid there is nothing I can do. But think about it; they need Sirius Black amongst them, but you are barely him. I understand that you primarily did what you did in order to help your brother while still being objective as to his intents. But if you do not come back, you could deter him from doing the right thing, instead of just hiding from what he is guilty of. Show him that you can accept him, even with the mistakes he made in the past."

Lord Black only stared at the older wizard as he left the study, his face impassive.

Albus Dumbledore may have stopped trying to convince Sirius Black to allow himself back, but he hadn't yet finished his move.

So he stopped by the library before leaving Black Manor.

Eleanor Rowle was sitting there, alone again, reading a book. She looked fine, not particularly distressed, but the slight frown on her features said enough.

"Miss Rowle?"

She jumped a bit, then looked up from her book a bit too quickly.

"Headmaster?"

"You are aware you can call me Albus, aren't you? I am not your headmaster anymore."

She smiled a bit, but there was a certain tightness to the expression, which Dumbledore believed to be due to the upper floor. Or, rather, to the occupant of the upper floor, and his refusal to undo his mental shields.

"Force of habit, Sir. Can I do something for you?"

Albus hesitated to ask the young woman for about half a second, but he quickly dismissed the qualm. He was almost certain she'd be the last push Black needed to free himself. And he didn't doubt Eleanor Rowle had to try one last time, instead of staying one flight of stairs from the man she was waiting for, hoping he'd ultimately do the right thing. Waiting too long rarely did any good.

"Perhaps you could go and pay Sirius one last visit."

She gave the old wizard a wry smile.

"I already tried that, Sir. But he's just not present, so, consequently, not listening."

"Oh, he is listening, Eleanor. He just doesn't want to hear what we have to say to him. You, though, I believe you could find something to say he'd want to hear."

And on these cryptic words, Albus Dumbledore left the Black library, and only a few minutes later, the grounds of the Blacks' main estate.

Eleanor stayed at her table for some time, before she finally decided it was time to do something, indeed, if she didn't want Sirius Black to be only an inhuman copy of himself for the rest of the war.

She pushed the door to his study lightly.

He didn't even hear her coming. Only she was here when he looked up from his stack of papers.

"Eleanor."

"Sirius."

"Is there something I can do for you?"

Eleanor had to restrain herself from demanding that he'd stop the idiocy he was currently doing. This was one thing she knew he wouldn't comply to do even if she asked him nicely.

There was, however, another way to get there. She was a bit irritated that she hadn't thought of it before, when it was kind of obvious, given Sirius' life story. Then again, it was more or less the contrary of what someone usually wanted to hear, so perhaps it wasn't that strange she hadn't thought about it.

Sirius never was a usual person.

Eleanor went to sit on the Black lord's desk, her face just a bit above his own. He didn't say a word, but his eyebrows arched in interrogation.

She cupped his face with her hands, and stared straight at his opaque eyes.

"I don't need you, Sirius. I can very well live without you, and you don't have to come back. But I like it better when you are here. I won't ignore you if you come back, I won't expect anything from you that isn't you, and I definitely will not put any responsibility on your shoulders. You don't owe me. If anything, it is the world that owes you, for everything it did to you, and everything you did for it. And me, I don't want anything from you. I simply hope you will come back, and spend some time with me. Because I like it better when we are together."

Silence followed her words.

Then Eleanor saw a wall of glass shatter in Sirius' eyes. As if life had come back to his silver gaze.

One hand, with fingers slightly longer, but just as thin as hers, moved up from the desk, and went to rest against her own cupped hands.

All Sirius had wanted was someone to ask him to come back, not because they needed him, but because they'd like it better. It was as simple as that.

Eleanor smiled.

Sirius did too.

Then she leaned down, and their lips met.