Chapter 41: Who cares why
Narcissa's illusions fell away, revealing her blond hair under Andromeda's hair color – that one, at least, looked natural on her, unlike the shades of red she'd first tried – and giving back the blue in her eyes where she'd only allowed the grey to peek through.
She'd looked in the mirror before leaving the Manor, to see what the illusion would make her look like – and she'd found herself looking much more like a Black than usual. Grey wasn't silver, but it was closer than her usual cold blue; dark brown wasn't ink-black, but her sister and Uncle Alphard and Aunt Walburga had shared that hair color too. It wasn't that Narcissa didn't look like a Black, per se – but where Sirius and Bellatrix and Regulus were unmistakable in that resemblance, where Andromeda followed close suit, Narcissa was more of an even mix of Black and Rosier looks.
Right now, the only important part in all this was that her charms had worked long enough to go unnoticed as she'd walked away from her usual shopping in Diagon Alley, without any potential shadows catching on. Narcissa wasn't certain of being watched, in truth – be it by aurors, the Order of the Phoenix, or her own side – but she'd rather not take the risk.
She'd have used transfiguration for a more in-depth disguise, except it had never been her best subject at school – she'd gotten an A on her OWLs and hadn't bothered continuing, and it wasn't like she'd practiced since then – so she'd decided to simply alter her natural coloring.
No one had seemed to notice, so.
Narcissa didn't particularly want to explain to anyone why she was meeting her cousin in secret, and she didn't think Sirius would want the world to know about it either. Not that she cared about what he wanted, not after what he'd done to Draco – but if their interests aligned, she wasn't going to put herself in danger just to get one over on him.
The witch shook her head and headed for the cemetery.
When Bellatrix had died – when Sirius had killed her, when she'd killed Sirius, Narcissa couldn't really blame him for that one, considering – neither the Lestrange family nor the Black family had been available to claim her body for their graves alley. Lord Lestrange was on the run – making claiming a corpse from the Auror Office difficult – and Lord Black had been unconscious in St Mungo's – and generally pretending he hadn't inherited the title, too.
Narcissa had ensured that her sister wouldn't just be thrown in a common pit, but she'd needed to choose a graveyard that didn't belong to tradition. Barely a wizarding resting place. A moderately-sized muggle cemetery with a handful of magical family plots, secluded away behind the church and a few misdirecting spells. Halfblooded families, mostly – and perhaps some of higher blood, but without the land for a graves alley of their own.
Narcissa took the leftmost lane to avoid the muggle couple kneeling by a relatively new grave. This was the problem, honestly, with public graveyards – other people were buried there, too.
When she reached the wicket gate by the church, a tired-looking werewolf had his back against the cool stone wall. It figured that Sirius would ask that man for... Back-up, most likely.
Narcissa would have liked thinking it a testament to her strength and anger, but she wasn't naive. She was an adequate dueller, but that was all – nothing close to Bella or her cousin. It didn't matter how angry – frozen rage and acidic fear rolling in her innards – she was with Sirius right now – what he had done, what he'd implied with his threat on Draco – she'd need a lot of luck to actually wound him in any significant way should she try to get revenge.
While hexing him might feel satisfying, there were more efficient ways for her to get what she wanted – or something close. It wouldn't do to forget that her opponent was a Black too. Even if he didn't flaunt it, Sirius was just as capable of twisting words and minds as anyone else in the family.
Anyway. Strength could be a worthwhile solution to many an issue, but Narcissa was well aware she didn't have the advantage here.
She steeled her resolve and pushed through the wicket gate.
Lupin only watched her do so, keeping vigil outside the wizarding area of the cemetery.
The werewolf was there to keep others – other people than the Black family, other people than those expected, or, in more obvious words: Death Eaters she might have brought along.
Narcissa had had no intention of letting anyone know about this little rendezvous, least of all because that would be admitting that Sirius had some sort of hold on her, that Draco was possibly compromised. There was a reason she'd gone and altered her looks before coming here.
...Had Bellatrix still been alive, she might have told her. Perhaps. Narcissa wasn't quite sure of that one – she did believe that Bella had still cared about family, but that didn't mean her priorities were the same as Narcissa's, or that good things only would come out of that caring. Look at Sirius. Bella wouldn't have been half as angry and obsessed with Sirius' choices if she hadn't cared about him.
That had gotten them both killed.
The point, though – the point was that she'd barely even considered telling anyone about Sirius' "invitation", and her cousin probably knew it, too. He wouldn't have offered otherwise.
Still, he'd asked his friend – and for all of the man's other qualities, Narcissa still couldn't quite understand how you could be friendly with a werewolf; she was acquainted with Greyback and his ilk and she thoroughly regretted it – to stand guard, just in case.
In case his – not trust, trust was too positive a word – assumptions were wrong. Sirius had been wrong, once, and he'd lost everything – and Narcissa hadn't helped, back then, even if she'd known that he was innocent, even if Lucius had told her afterwards.
Sirius was right, today. Narcissa Black had come alone – accompanied only by Narcissa Malfoy, mother of the boy Sirius had threatened, and that... That was still her.
She heard Sirius' voice before she saw him.
"...I could get you a proper tombstone, if you want one."
"Of course I want one! What I'm not convinced about is that you want me in the Black graves alley. I did kill you, even if it didn't stick."
"He's putting up with your ghost, and he reinstated absolutely everyone in the family tree, even Scorpius Black, who got thrown out because he was too much of a psychopath even for our family. What you should be asking is if you want your tombstone to also be in the Lestrange graves alley."
...Andromeda and Bellatrix were there too. They were talking about Bella's funeral rites, as if Sirius really was trying to take care of the family, no matter how broken it had become.
His methods might have Narcissa gritting her teeth, but she couldn't deny that everything was complicated, these days. She wasn't happy with whatever was going on in Sirius' head, true – but there probably wasn't a good solution for everyone.
Still. Her priority was and would always be her son.
"...Fine. I'll ask Falacer Loops at the Thanatologe to go and make a common tombstone for both Black Manor and the Maison Lestrange, and I'll write a polite and absolutely neutral letter for the criminal on the run who calls himself Lord Lestrange. Are you sure you want to? It's not like you actually care about him and you never had children, so there's no one else to appease."
"I don't hate Rodolphus for all that, Sirius. He was a... friend, or something."
"I think the word you're looking for is 'lackey', Bella."
"Thanks, Meda, that's exactly what it was. I liked him enough to keep him around, we had similar interests. Might be a bit sad if he gets himself killed, but I guess he's been asking for it, like me..."
Narcissa shook her head and took one last step, finally becoming visible to the rest of her family. She did not want to listen in on her sister's newfound morality – especially not when the lack of it had pushed Draco into service for the Dark Lord.
Lucius was to blame for that too, sure – but Bella had been the one telling anyone who would listen that they should be honored to do the Dark Lord's bidding, that there was no higher goal in life.
Narcissa had never thought this would happen again, that the Dark Lord wasn't entirely dead after that Halloween. She'd raised Draco with the idea that there would be no second war – and it was a shame that the first one had failed, but not that her child wouldn't be put in danger because of it – and now it was all crumbling down.
Lucius was in Azkaban – and she was angry at Potter, and at Sirius for his hand in it, but also at her husband for being arrogant and messing up against five teenagers, and, more than anything, at the Dark Lord for not caring in the least that his followers were paying the price of his obsession – and Draco was being punished for it. The war was there once again, and Narcissa hadn't missed it in the least. Her oldest sister was dead and half of her remaining family stood on the other side.
Sirius was completely insane – nothing new here – and her son might pay the price for it.
"You asked me to come."
A ghost, a witch and a wizard turned to look at Narcissa, and she had to bite the inside of her mouth at the sight: it had been years since she'd seen so many typical Blacks standing together – and one of them was dead already. Only Regulus and Callidora were missing.
Sirius only kept quiet, so Andromeda took it upon herself to break the silence.
"Here you are... Cissy, if you want to punch him or use a stinging hex, I'll hold Sirius for you."
The blonde witch looked at her sister with distrust and a touch of bemusement. Andromeda added:
"If it helps, he'll probably let us do it."
Their cousin sneered at them both:
"You do realize I'm standing right here, don't you?"
The brown-haired sister glanced at him with a slight smirk. She, in all honesty, felt patiently amused by the younger man's take on all this – of all the ways to get Cissy's attention, he'd chosen that... – but she understood exactly why her younger sister wouldn't appreciate the ploy.
Andromeda had lived through something similar with Nymphadora, years and years ago – and courtesy of her other sister, whom she needed to corner one of those days to have a talk.
"Of course, Sirius. I also know that you would let Narcissa hit you, if only to appease her anger and allow for smoother conversation. You've always known how to allow others their grievances, even if I've rarely seen you apologize about anything."
Bella helpfully added:
"You did threaten Draco's life."
Andromeda refrained from commenting that her sister would know all about endangering family.
That was for later, for the two of them only.
Sirius's jaw twitched a bit, but he didn't try making excuses. He'd had his reasons, and everyone here knew it whether they agreed or not. None of the sisters were truly surprised to see their cousin do whatever he needed to to get results. And true to form, he didn't apologize either.
"Alright. Do you want to hex me, Narcissa?"
The blonde sister stood in silence, conflict written in her clear eyes, for a long moment – then she deflated and joined them by the tombstone she'd gotten for Bellatrix.
"...Don't be ridiculous. It's not like it'd get you to reconsider, is it?"
The tombstone was dark stone and silver letters, an ogee-topped slate with no other inscriptions than Bellatrix's name and dates, as well as a simplified version of the Black coat of arms. It was weird to think that her sister's corpse lay under it, while her ghost hovered a few feet to its right.
Sirius had the decency not to roll his eyes – but she knew that tone – as he answered:
"Your darling boy made his choice, Cissy. Unless he changes his mind, he should suffer the consequences. Let him know fear. Maybe he'll learn something from that ordeal and become less eager to inflict it upon others."
Andromeda and Bellatrix watched, silent, as their cousin and sister stared each other down.
Sirius wouldn't bulge, that much was obvious, and Narcissa didn't know where else to go but on the path she'd always walked. If she ever took a step off it, then he might offer a hand, but for now – for now he'd only stand on the sidelines, reminding her of his presence, of the fact that he could help her step off if she asked but that he would also let her drown if she refused to reconsider.
It was complicated, finding a proper balance between helpfulness and enabling, and Sirius wasn't interested in the second. Some people made a job of helping others without crossing that line, but that wasn't him. He'd always believed that standing by your principles regardless of your personal attachments to other people was an efficient way to put up boundaries – rules of behavior that the others wouldn't be able to ignore if they wanted to continue interacting with you.
Narcissa's bearing remained straight and deceptively defensive, but he could distinguish restlessness in her stance. His cousin was anguished, and this wasn't something new.
Andromeda and Bellatrix had noticed it weeks ago, too.
"Draco is only a child!"
Sirius burst out laughing, cold and unamused.
Narcissa took a step back, unnerved. Her sisters were watching the two of them with wary gazes, ready to intervene if Sirius pushed too far – or if Narcissa became unreasonable. Having family that wasn't completely unhinged was great, Sirius decided. They knew you and the limits of your personality, but wouldn't just jump in and make everything worse, like his mother used to.
The wizard shook his head and finally got to the point he'd been laughing about:
"So were Harry and his friends three months ago, when your husband tried and failed to maim or murder them. Did you say anything then, Cissy?"
He could see Andromeda closing her eyes with a resigned look on her face.
Sirius took an aggressive step towards Narcissa, a finger pointed at her chest – at the heart beneath.
"Why should I grant you and your son a consideration you deny anyone else? What have you done with your life that you deserve respect, except not being the one to murder and torture and frame anyone who got in Lucius' way? Tell me, Narcissa, how is your dark lord doing? Has he moved in yet, or is Malfoy Manor not to his taste?"
The blonde witch bit her lips but didn't look away. She didn't make the mistake of saying he should be the better man, then. No one here thought Sirius had ever claimed sainthood.
Sirius huffed and went to sit on Bella's grave – the ghost barely raised an eyebrow at his attitude.
"Anyway. If you want help to get out, or if you need a goddamn refuge against roaming Death Eaters, Black Manor is open to you. Hell, if you convince Lucius to sell out and try not to be a self-serving sociopath for once, I promise I'd let him stay too, though in the basement cells. I'd even feed him and you'd get to visit! I know you care about the asshat."
Narcissa squinted at him, unconvinced.
"You abhor traitors, and he's in Azkaban. I believe you know exactly what that entails."
"One, I already know your husband isn't on Voldemort's side for principles or loyalty, so it's not like he could disappoint me there. In fact, if he does what's best for you and your son, that is, getting the hell out of the Death Eaters, I might consider that as a hint of true loyalty, for a change. I'd only ever trust him with your safety, of course, but still. Two, I don't believe Lucius has the mental or physical strength to escape from Azkaban alone, no, but being broken out by someone else is another matter entirely. Voldepants already got some of his lackeys out once, he can and probably will do it again."
Narcissa flinched at the reminder that yes, the Dark Lord was letting Lucius in Azkaban on purpose.
Punishment. For not having been good enough, for failing the Dark Lord. It wasn't enough that wizarding society as a whole was already punishing Lucius and the others who'd been caught, no – the Dark Lord needed them to feel his anger, too.
Being on the Dark Lord's side had always been dangerous, had always been a gamble – but it was worse, since his return. The Dark Lord was more mercurial, less predictable... and if there was one place where your own allies may turn on you for a shred of power, it was amongst Death Eaters.
It had been a gamble, an investment with risks and rewards, back then. Lucius... Lucius, like his wife, truly believed that blood mattered, and it probably made everything else easier. Her husband also thought that the Dark Lord was someone worth following – at least back in the beginning.
However, Sirius was right when he said that Lucius wasn't in it for loyalty or beliefs, ultimately.
It was a matter of power, of opportunities, of ancestral rights surrendered back when the Statute of Secrecy had been voted. It was ambition, pure and simple. The fact that the rest of it aligned with their beliefs had only made it more tempting. Lucius might have done what he'd done even if he'd believed none of it – but that way he didn't have to justify his deeds, not to himself. He'd gotten the comfort of high rewards and personal satisfaction out of this endeavor.
Today, the risks had caught up with him.
Today, Sirius and Andromeda – and even Bellatrix and Regulus, somehow – stood on the other side and told her she could still join them, if she truly wished. She didn't even have to agree with that side, only to make their survival easier. There would be a price, most likely – but no more than the price she was already paying by staying where Lucius had brought her.
But even if she could have trusted her cousin – in a way, she did, she knew that what Sirius offered, he offered in earnest, that this wasn't a lie or an empty promise – he wasn't the only one on the other side. There were others there, others who might not feel so charitable.
And, more importantly, others she couldn't trust. Narcissa knew a great many people who did what they thought was right, and not all of them were on the same side. Not all of them did what they did because they thought it was right, either.
Her own husband was enough of an example. The witch shook her head.
"Just because you believe in what you do, Sirius, it does not mean that all your allies share your ideals, that they have no personal motives behind their facades. I don't trust a man who rose to fame through the defeat of another dark wizard, one who pushes for mud... for muggleborns to steal more privileges at the expanse of old families, one who somehow has other people working for him from all backgrounds and without the slightest promise on end or... Why are you rolling your eyes?"
There he was, his ass on the dark stone and his shoulders against Bellatrix's death date, looking at the grey sky as if he couldn't believe Narcissa's gripes. Andromeda, her, remained standing, but both her hands were on the edge of the tombstone too, and she wore a pained expression, as if she knew exactly what her sister was thinking and would rather not enter that conversation.
Meanwhile, Bella was letting her gaze wander, not to get dragged into that particular argument.
If there was one person here who should understand exactly what Narcissa meant, it was the ghost – and the two others should have, too, they were family, they'd been brought up the same way, they knew how it worked, they shouldn't have fallen to naivety as they had, but somehow, somehow...
Apparently Bellatrix didn't want to back her up, for some reason.
Narcissa pinched her lips, ready to continue, but Sirius spoke first:
"This is exactly the problem! All of you, you are so stuck looking for manipulation that you wouldn't know a good thing if it slapped you in the face! If someone isn't perfectly honest about absolutely everything, you consider them a potential enemy! If they are entirely honest, either they're stupid or too good to be true! In fact, if they don't have your best and only interests in mind, then they're a problem to handle! Even when your goals align, you're looking for an excuse not to admit it. There's a moment when you have to accept that sometimes, people aren't out to get you personally, or else you will never get anywhere!"
That was rich, coming from Sirius – who couldn't look at someone without pondering their motives – perhaps, but at the same time... The wizard shook his head. There was a difference between being aware of other people's priorities and concluding that benevolence didn't exist.
Narcissa wasn't going to let him finish, however:
"Are you talking about trust, seriously? Where did that get you, fifteen years ago?! Pettigrew betrayed you and no one else actually believed in you!"
Sirius stood up with a jolt and almost ended up in his cousin's face, but Andromeda stopped him with a hand against his chest, moving sleekly to his side. The middle Black sister looked him in the eyes for a moment, impassive – his body untensed and his thoughts slowed down a bit, chasing away the dementors-induced accusations that had reared up from the depth of his memories.
When Meda finally drew back with a soft nod, Sirius knew he could trust himself to speak again.
He still wasn't happy, and perhaps his tone was too sharp and accusing, but at least he wasn't going to scare Narcissa away before this conversation was done.
"And whose fault is that, do you think? Mine, surely, because I was that close to snapping and everyone else could see it. But it also was the family's fault, because so many of us made it look believable! Do you think I'd have been so easily suspected if Bellatrix and Mother and Grandfather Pollux weren't so vocal about what they thought of muggleborns? Do you think the Auror Office wouldn't have wondered why I'd turn, if all the others, yourself included, didn't make it a point to at least agree with the ideals of blood purism? Do you think, Cissy, that I wouldn't have been found innocent if I'd actually gotten the trial I deserved, if those who knew for a fact that I wasn't a Salazar-damned Death Eater had bothered making sure I wouldn't be forgotten in Azkaban?!"
Sirius stopped for a moment, sucking in a harsh breath.
"You, almost everyone in the family made sure that I looked guilty. You didn't care when it finally happened! My friends had the excuse of feeling betrayed or being too dead to care, but you...?"
Narcissa looked like she'd rather go back on the subject of her own grievances, but wasn't foolish enough to try and derail him.
To be fair, that part of the family – those who'd stayed silent, those who could only have known of his innocence – had, possibly, felt betrayed too, if not for the same reasons. Sirius wasn't overly surprised that his mother hadn't intervened, given that her portrait had kept the tradition of cursing his name for treachery of the bloodline for an entire decade.
Narcissa hadn't done anything, no – and if she had, it might not have looked that great for him, being defended by the wife of a known, though "acquitted", Death Eater – but neither had Grandfather Acturus or Aunt Lucretia. It was too late, now, to ask them why.
Sirius had seen Grandmother Melania once, before her death two years ago, and he hadn't had much time to ask, or the willingness to spend those few minutes ruminating on that particular point. She'd implied that Mother – who'd started outright losing it by then – had threatened to make a mess of it if his grandparents pushed for anything legal to happen. He wasn't entirely sure how that had prevented them from acting, but...
If there was one thing Sirius could understand, it was getting pushed past your limits by Walburga Black. It had gotten him to consider murdering his own parents in the dead of the night, once.
He focused back on Narcissa, on her accusations; she might not want to be convinced but that wouldn't stop him from addressing each and every point of her reasoning.
"As for Peter? I'm not the only one with a problematic friendship in my past, at least by your standards, Cissy. You were friends with Nehmat Anand back in school, right?"
"I don't see what that got to do with..."
The miffed tone his cousin didn't even try to conceal told another story.
"She married a muggleborn, didn't she? Even though she was your friend and never protested when you promoted pureblood rhetoric. Now you don't even speak to each other. Don't act like someone's past friendships, especially ones that fell to pieces after a particular choice, are a sign of anything at all. If they were, I'd start doubting your beliefs on matters of blood, and wouldn't that be a doozy?"
Everyone had old friends they didn't talk to anymore, either because they'd found out they didn't have that much in common to begin with, or because one had changed drastically. Judging someone only by the people they used to frequent – especially by those people they had a falling out with – was, ultimately, cheap. The point was that they'd had a falling out, in the end.
Narcissa's jaw twitched, as if she'd been about to say something but was reconsidering.
Instead, she shut her eyes for a moment and forced the words out:
"...I'll take the comment about Pettigrew back. But I still don't trust anyone on your side, Sirius. Past ideals and past the fact that you do trust them. They have absolutely no reason to care about me or my son, let alone my husband. And honestly, I've been thinking about what you said the other day."
The witch glanced at her sisters. Neither showed any sign of knowing what she was getting at. Meda and Bella looked, at best, politely curious, and, of course, concerned – for her, because they still cared about what happened to Narcissa even if she wasn't making it easy for them.
They knew nothing about what Sirius had told her at King's Cross.
That was the kind of thing Sirius used to tell only Narcissa, before. Back when he still trusted her enough to tell her how he felt about the family, back when he knew she'd keep it to herself.
Things had changed, now. They'd grown up and apart, and where Sirius had told her about his leaving Grimmauld Place in confidence, he hadn't done it out of trust or a need for comfort.
He'd done it to hurt her.
Now he was watching her, waiting for a trap or an attack.
Narcissa bit her lower lip – and her voice was softer than before, gentler.
"You said... Sirius, you said that you left home because it had gotten so twisted with your parents that you could only envision murder as a possible outcome if you stayed. I know Aunt Walburga was... I know there was something wrong with her, with her anger and her obsessions..."
Just like Sirius, just like Bellatrix. Narcissa's aunt had never found an outlet for the burning intensity that all Blacks possessed – some more than others, too, and Narcissa was thankfully low on that scale – whereas Sirius had chosen rebellion, and Bellatrix had chosen destruction.
Aunt Walburga's oldest son had taken the brunt of it, just as intense and unyielding.
If possible, Sirius looked even more distrustful there.
Narcissa braced herself for her next words – and their consequences:
"Are you certain you aren't on the side you are on only because they listened to you when Aunt Walburga and Uncle Orion wouldn't?"
She knew it was more complicated than that, that Sirius had already been straying on paths unwanted even before he'd gotten the ear of Albus Dumbledore – before he'd met James Potter on the Hogwarts Express, before he'd started spending most of his days with Gryffindors – but that didn't make her question unjustified.
If anything, Sirius wouldn't like the implications, and right now Narcissa wanted to get under his skin. She couldn't do anything – that wouldn't aggravate the situation – about what he'd done to Draco – but she could make him regret having gotten involved. Maybe he'd leave them alone, then.
Despite his claims, there was nothing Sirius could do to help – nothing he'd be willing to do, anyway. Short of turning around, murdering Dumbledore and Potter and finally coming back where he belonged by birth... but that wasn't going to happen.
Better for Sirius and Andromeda to wash their hands of Narcissa.
The look her sister gave her, as Sirius threw his hands up, meant she knew exactly what Narcissa was attempting. Meda didn't say anything yet, though. Narcissa might still get away with it, if she could just piss her off too... Sirius, him, only sounded exasperated:
"You're going with that, really?"
"Well, you aren't denying it, are you? That the true reason you ended up there in the first place isn't principles at all? There's no saying where you would be, today, if your mother hadn't been so..."
"Ah, enough with that 'true motives' bullshit, Narcissa!"
The witch started at the violent exclamation. Andromeda and Bellatrix looked just as thrown off.
The ghost edged away from the rest of them, and Andromeda cautiously inserted herself in the conversation – or rather, she took advantage when Sirius paused. Diving into a rant equal to the arguments he used to get into back at Grimmauld Place asked for focus.
"No need to scream, Sirius. Cissy is obviously trying to get on your last nerves so that you'll stop..."
Their cousin rounded up on the middle Black sister, then, looking absolutely done with whatever had sparked that particular reaction.
"You too, Meda! Of course she's trying to piss me off, I've put a death threat on her son, but that doesn't mean she's lying here! She does think it true!"
Sirius, Andromeda noticed, was cooling off quickly – this wasn't true anger, but – to the point that his words were gaining a frigid edge. This was a dressing down in the making, she realized – the same as back before 1981, when someone would try and accuse Sirius of something, of anything untrue or too simplistic, and he'd methodically tear into them with facts and truths – or at least arguments his opponent could hardly refute without endangering their own points.
It didn't always convince the opposing party, but it did push them to make mistakes.
"You all need to stop acting as if anyone does what they do for one reason and one reason only! There's no such thing as 'one true reason'. There are first reasons, that came in the beginning and may or may not lose strength as time passes! There are more important reasons, driving forces behind choices and dedication! There are principled reasons, followed because it's the right thing to do even when it isn't easy! There are secondary reasons, which might not be enough for anyone to act but only add up with all the others, make it more meaningful! Those reasons might shift and change, but removing one in particular doesn't entirely destroy your resolve to act! Most decisions are an amalgam of all that, and people who only have one principled reason for what they do are the easiest to discourage from acting, because they don't have anything to lose by staying put."
Andromeda blinked, having absolutely not expected that kind of talk. Sirius had moved on, though, ranting at Narcissa instead, and of course Bella wasn't drifting back over here, even if she could probably hear them as well. Being under direct assault from their cousin's dressing-downs had never been particularly pleasant, so Andromeda could understand the urge not to be the proximity target.
Sirius was right, at that.
Andromeda wouldn't pretend she'd ever done anything for only one reason. She'd married Ted because she loved him, because she hadn't wanted her parents and their prejudices to dictate her life, because she'd never really cared about blood purity, because she didn't want to be pushed into marrying some pureblood wizard she might or might not care about. Because she'd wanted to see what it was like, living away from the shadow of the House of Black and its expectations.
There wasn't a "true" reason there, only reasons of various strengths and importance. She might have still chosen so without one or two of these incentives, but not for only one of those.
It was time, perhaps, to admit that such complexity was true for other people too. Andromeda wondered if Cissy realized that. Funny, really, how Slytherin House vilified naivety, but many of its alumni only thought that meant adding a layer of one unique "ulterior motive" everywhere.
Her cousin didn't seem to care much for that particular shade of oversimplification.
"And to answer your question: of course I'm doing all this because the family didn't manage to convince me, because James and the Potters actually listened to my questions, because Dumbledore let me be a part of his order, because I was given a chance there, because I don't want to be an amoral piece of shit who enjoys torturing people and only care about standing at the summit even if it's on the corpses of whoever gets in the way!"
Bellatrix scoffed, from a bit further away:
"Well, tell us your true feelings, dear!"
Sirius rounded on her before she could try and float away once again. Really, she should have seen it coming and Andromeda wasn't feeling the least bit sympathetic – amused, perhaps.
"Shut it, I was seven when I got fed up with not caring about people, I get to be more than that!"
That one felt personal, and the firstborns obviously knew more on the subject than the younger sisters. Sirius' hands roamed over his face for a moment, fingers pushing harshly against his cheeks.
"...What I mean is, Cissy..."
Back on track, apparently.
"Maybe Dumbledore feels guilty for something and it pushes him to do what he can to help others and stand in Voldepants' way, maybe Remus is there because he was offered a place in a world that otherwise wouldn't want him, maybe Moody wouldn't be there if he hadn't lost colleagues to the Death Eaters, but that doesn't change the fact that we are here and we are trying to help. Who cares if we don't only do what we do because it's the right thing, as long as we are doing the right thing?"
Well, Andromeda felt it was still informative – and somewhat important, too – to have an idea of the other incentives someone might have to do anything. If those reasons disappeared...
...But Sirius knew that, of course. He looked at Narcissa again – exasperated, compassionate.
"You don't do what you do only because you believe it's the right thing either; you do it because our family always told you it was the right belief, because your husband and your son are there too, because it promised you you could keep living at the top of the world. Isn't that right, Cissy?"
Narcissa didn't look away – but she wasn't looking him in the eyes, either.
"Except none of that is true anymore, is it? Your family isn't on that side anymore, we're all here, honorable mention for the ghost..."
"Hey, I am reflecting on my actions!"
That got Andromeda to huff a laugh.
"We know, dear, but you still have a long way to go."
Sirius brushed it all off, unwilling to let himself be distracted. He still had a case to make, a cousin to convince – or at least to make waver, to remind her that when it would become too much, they were still here, ready to open another door for her to walk through.
"Your husband is in Azkaban. Your son is being punished for it. Even if this all came to an end, there would still be the risk of it happening again. The dark bastard is the only one sitting at the top of the world, not you. In fact, the general public has been catching on, shaming the Malfoys. What's keeping you there, except beliefs that are barely respected even on your side?"
Again, while most Death Eaters did share their beliefs about blood supremacy, few of them had it as a most important reason to do what they did – and Voldemort's anger was blind to blood status.
Narcissa knew that. She did. But she still couldn't...
It wasn't the truth, what she said then – not entirely, even if it wasn't a lie – but she was growing desperate for a reason to say no without acknowledging the deeper problem.
"Did Gryffindor fry your brain?! I'm telling you that deep down none of them can be trusted, they only like to look good for the populace because that's the only way they have to gain influence...!"
"It's not about goddamn Gryffindor and Slytherin, Narcissa! Stop relying on Houses that cannot encompass an entire personnality even if they do point out a few major character traits! I know everyone has several motives for being who they are, I literally just said it! Gryffindor will tell you that there's the right thing to do, and Slytherin will tell you that there are ulterior motives, and they are both right, and they are both wrong! People and situations are different, and sometimes it's more of one than the other, but both are real anyway!"
Sirius stopped, took a deep breath.
"...Look at Andromeda, the main reason she's here isn't because it's the right thing to do or because she can personally benefit from it, even though both are true. She's here because she cares about you first, even if you haven't acknowledged her existence in twenty-three years or so."
Said witch gave them both a dry look, but didn't deny any of it.
"It is the right thing to give you a chance to extricate yourself out of this mess, Cissy, but I wouldn't bother if it weren't you, not with the danger it might bring upon my own family. To go with Sirius' words, I don't have that many reasons to be here today, and it won't keep me up at night if you don't take this chance, but I'd rather you did anyway."
Andromeda had learned long ago that people made their own choices, no matter what you wished. If Narcissa couldn't figure out that staying where she currently stood wasn't a good idea...
"The thing is, I trust you enough to at least keep this to yourself, even if you don't agree with us, even if our ideals aren't yours. This is a risk I'm willing to take for my preferred outcome."
Andromeda took a measured step and brushed a hand past Narcissa's head with a sad smile. Three sisters, in the same place at last. Speaking. It had been decades, and the oldest was now a ghost.
Andromeda didn't begrudge Sirius that – if anything, Bellatrix was to blame.
Now it was a matter of keeping her younger sister alive, instead.
"I suggest you go home and think on it, Cissy. And, just in case you're having... guests... over, do keep your occlumency shields up."
The blonde woman sniffed, as if to say "you don't need to tell me that!" without actually confirming anything in front of Sirius.
"But don't forget, Narcissa: that boy of yours, he's exactly who you raised him to be. If you don't like the results, the danger he and his father got him into... Maybe that should tell you something."
Before her sister could answer – though Andromeda doubted she had any kind of answer to that – Sirius snorted. He'd been suspiciously quiet, but apparently that was the end of it.
"You and your husband taught him to look up to murderers. The drawbacks were implied, surely!"
"Sirius, could you not..."
"So far you are the only one who did threaten his life, you...!"
Sirius calmly ignored Narcissa's glowering as he went around Andromeda to sneer right in her face.
"That's a lie and you know it, Cissy. And even if it wasn't, this is a truth he does need to learn, since he colludes with murderers. Better it be me than someone who might kill him on a whim instead."
...That was not an appropriate argument against an irate mother, and maybe Sirius was getting a bit extreme. He tended to do that when the other party of a discussion remained willfully obtuse. When they got on his nerves on a personal level, and there was nothing more personal than family.
It was time to bring this family reunion to a close.
"Alright, Sirius, you need to calm down before you end up suffocating someone on accident. And you, Narcissa... We've offered our help, and as Sirius said... Who cares why you do the right thing, as long as you do it? If anything, do it to keep your son out of this bloodfest."
This time, Sirius let Andromeda have the last word.
They watched Narcissa leave with an irked look on her face – and, underneath, deep wariness – and Bellatrix commented:
"That was only half a disaster, I'd say."
"At least Cissy knows we did offer, now."
Sirius rolled his eyes:
"Many people would argue a blood supremacist doesn't even deserve the offer."