Chapter 17

Darkness and cold greeted him as Obi-Wan struggled back to consciousness.

My new most loyal companions, he thought bitterly.

The hard metal floor promised nothing in the way of comfort, and the still-present bindings around his wrists immediately told him that the guards had nothing left for him either. A rancid smell rose to his nose and the dirt under his fingers told him that wherever he was, it had not been cleaned for a long time. Unmoving, he tried to get a picture of his surroundings with the Force - only to find that he couldn't reach it. Instead, there was this instantaneous, intense pain that coursed through his entire body as he tried, causing both new and old injuries to scream out.

An electric shock.

Stunned by pain, Obi-Wan awkwardly fingered his neck, where he directly found the instrument of torture. A thin metal band stretched tightly around his neck, almost cutting into his skin. He felt no clasp. Disheartened, he dropped his hand back to the floor and tried to breathe through the pain.

After a few minutes, it finally became bearable and Obi-Wan dared to move to a slightly more comfortable position. Another mistake, as he had to learn painfully.

An involuntary scream escaped him as he tried to turn his hips and immediately even the thought of moving was gone. Obi-Wan gritted his teeth convulsively and held as still as he could.

His head spun, his stomach rolled over, and he wished he had never woken up. Powerless, he let his head flop back to the floor and tried to remember.

He had attacked Anakin, supplied his brain vaguely. Then guards had come in, had dragged him away. He had fought back, even with the Force. Next came glaring pain. Batons. Electric shocks. And the Force suppression collar.

Obi-Wan continued to lie still on the floor as pain coursed through his entire body. He was at his wits' end. Not even able to sit up, he was forced to remain in the same position as the guards had thrown him into the cell.

He let out a wicked laugh as the situation began to sink in. Ever since he was little, he had always denied it.

But now he saw it clearly. Nobody wants you. The universe has no place for Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, even though it made no difference, and forced himself to give in to exhaustion. He didn't feel like himself anymore. Attacking Anakin... he didn't know what had happened. Something inside him had just snapped. All the pain, frustration but also anger had just flowed freely through him. But most of all, panic and fear.

He didn't even know if he felt anything like remorse. There was only this burning in his veins. Emotions he had always kept locked away - emotions he had never allowed himself to feel - wanted to come out.

Memories, both good and bad, flashed through his mind's eye. Qui-Gon, telling him with a warm smile that he was proud of him - only to replace him with Anakin the next moment.

Was he lying?

Cody and the men as they laughed and joked together. Then the hours after a long, bitter battle, Obi-Wan equipped with nothing but a spade, wanting to at least give the fallen a place to rest if they couldn't bring them home.

Home... where was that anyway?

Anakin, how he looked at him with shining eyes when Obi-Wan told him that he would train him to be a Jedi - until the day his life was plunged into never-ending darkness.

... I thought we had been brothers.

His cell was opened, followed by heavy footsteps and a clatter as something was thrown ungently to the floor.

"Eat," a gruff voice commanded before the man turned back around, boots squeaking, and exited the cell again.

Half-heartedly, Obi-Wan fingered for the tray - but couldn't find it. Every little movement made his back burst into flames. His legs felt like someone was stabbing him with thousands of needles.

He decided he wasn't hungry.

Hours, maybe even days passed that Obi-Wan spent in a more or less conscious state. The first thing he noticed as apparently two people were in his cell discussing.

"He hasn't even touched the food yet," one of the two men, obviously a clone, noted with concern.

"That's not our problem," grumbled back the other, whom Obi-Wan identified as the person who had brought him the food earlier, obviously not sharing much of his comrade's sentiment.

A moment of silence passed before the first spoke again. "... That's not right," muttered the guard.

A contemptuous snort. "You'd better do as you're told, rookie," the other murmured, unnerved, "If you don't want me to send you back to Kamino, you'll clean up the trays now and see that you get ahead... or I'll find someone else."

A pair of steps moved away, leaving only the clone behind. Obi-Wan flicked his eyes in the direction he suspected the young man was heading, as if that might do him any good. Scrabbling, first one, then two, and finally three and four trays were picked up from the floor.

I must have lost consciousness at some point after all.

The noise died away as the guard stood up and apparently paused for a moment. It was so quiet that Obi-Wan almost didn't hear it.

"...I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan didn't reply, letting the words wash over him. The clone shifted on the spot, perhaps expecting some reaction, but when he got none, after another moment of hesitation, he left the cell with brisk steps.

A clack sounded, signaling to Obi-Wan that he was now alone again. His stomach growled and his throat was dry as Tatooine's deserts, but all this was indifferent to him.

If this is how I am to end, then so be it.

A bitter thought he had had before during many battle.s The difference was that before, he had at least had the privilege of dying alongside his comrades.

Only not like this. Alone. In the dark. Forgotten.

He wondered how his men were doing. Had they already been assigned a new Jedi? Or even been split up? Obi-Wan could only hope they were okay and not suffering from his mistakes.

Cold slowly made its way into his body as the thin jumpsuit offered little protection against the cold metal floor. If he could he would warm himself with Force, but as it was all he could do was pull his arms a little closer to him.

He drifted back into an unrestful sleep until a noise called him back to consciousness.

Someone entered his cell again. This time, however, they were not heavy steps, but light and graceful. No guard.

Pausing, he listened as the cell door was gently closed again and the footsteps slowly approached him. Obi-Wan braced himself, though he had little to counter the person if he had bad intentions.

"Hey, it's alright," a familiar voice finally spoke, "It's Sadie."

She knelt down and seemed to survey him. "Those bastards..." she cursed under her breath.

Some tension released from his body and Obi-Wan allowed himself to breathe normally again.

"What are you doing here?" he croaked, his voice failing.

"I got a tip that someone down here could use some help," supplied her, "Well, apparently this one was correct."

The new guard.

He heard her set something down and a moment later something opened. "Here," she said, pressing a bottle shallowly to his lips, "Drink, but carefully."

The water was like a balm on his dry throat, and if he could have, he would have emptied the whole bottle, but she took it back first.

"Thank you," Obi-Wan screwed up his face. "I don't want anyone to get in trouble because of me... you'd better get back before someone sees you."

"Don't even try," the forcefully retorted, "I'm a doctor. It's my job to help others."

"And what about the newcomer?" he asked adamantly, "If they find out he informed on you, I guarantee they'll send him back to Kamino."

"They won't find out."

pursing his lips, Obi-Wan craned his head in her direction. "Do you know what they do to clones who are sent back?"

Sadie remained silent.

"They call it reconditioning," he continued, remembering how Cody had once confided in him, "The men never come back."

"I promise nothing will happen to him," she said after a moment, her voice steadfast.

Obi-Wan could give little credence to her words and merely hummed.

"Do you think you can move?" she finally asked.

He shifted a little, but his hip immediately protested painfully. "No," he grunted, through clenched teeth.

She put a hand on his shoulder to make him stay still again. "Okay, okay. Don't move. Where are you in pain?"

Obi-Wan expelled a breath as the stinging finally eased a bit. "Lower back. Hip. My legs feel numb sometimes."

Sadie took her hand off his shoulder and went back to looking for something. A moment later, the familiar tone of a medscanner sounded. "Hold still," she said as she ran the device over his body, whirring.

After a short time, the device fell silent as the scan completed. When Sadie said nothing, Obi-Wan grew uneasy.

"So, am I dying?" he asked dryly, even as he found even that humor increasingly difficult.

"No," she murmured back intently, "...at least your spine is intact. Your pelvis, on the other hand... I can see two fractures."

"Great," Obi-Wan murmured, resting his head on the floor, "...I still don't understand why they don't just shoot me."

The doctor huffed. "Well... practically speaking, that would be murder. But I don't think I need to explain that to you."

She set the scanner aside. "I'd prefer it if I could take you to the medbay. But that would really be too conspicuous, I'm afraid. The fractures look reasonably stable, so I'm hoping a Bacta injection will help for now. That means I need to move you to that bed over there."

"I didn't realize they were so gracious after all," Obi-Wan grumbled back, a little embarrassed that he hadn't managed to find either his food or the bed in all his time in this cell.

"I'll give you some painkiller so you can at least move around a little," Sadie explained, rustling as she began to prepare something, probably the syringe.

Obi-Wan silently stretched out one of his arms as far as it would go with his hands chained together.

A moment later, Sadie took his still-bandaged hand, paused briefly when she noticed the cuffs, and then proceeded by pushing up his sleeve and beginning to disinfect a spot.

"Ready?" she asked when she was satisfied with her work.

"Just go ahead," Obi-Wan agreed, and only a moment later he felt the sting that made him involuntarily startle briefly again.

"Hold still for a few more minutes," she said gently, "Then we can try to get you on your feet."

"Okay," breathed Obi-Wan, trying to follow her advice.

"You did quite a number on your cellmate, by the way," she said as they waited, "Broke his nose and cheekbones several times... first thing he did when he was awake was ask for you."

Confronted directly, he began to feel ashamed. "I guess I should be sorry now," he muttered, wishing he could turn away from her gaze, which he knew had to rest on him.

"I'm not going to judge you. I don't have the right to...," she paused for a moment, "but you both seem - lost."

"I won't forgive him, if that's what you're getting at," he retorted harshly.

Sadie hummed thoughtfully. "Bold words, don't you think?"

Obi-Wan bit the inside of his cheeks. "I was wrong about the person I trusted the most. I thought Anakin was my brother... now I don't even know if he was ever my friend."

A tremor moved through his body and he pulled his arms back to him. "How can I forgive him if I can't trust him?"

"I guess you'll have to figure that out for yourself," Sadie replied, "Do you think we can move you now?"

Obi-Wan moved his legs a little in response. The pain was still there, but the painkillers had taken a little edge off. "It's fine," he finally said.

"Very well." Sadie moved around him and knelt at the side of his head. "I'm going to lift you up slowly now, so if the pain gets too much, let me know."

He nodded curtly and thereupon her arms reached under his upper arms. Sadie gently moved him to a sitting position, already causing a strong burning sensation in his back. Obi-Wan breath hitched and he wanted to brace himself on the floor out of reflex, but his bound hands allowed little movement.

The doctor paused. "Are you all right? Do you want me to wait a moment?"

"I'm fine," Obi-Wan pressed out, "Keep going."

If we wait now I don't know if I'll even be able to stand up.

Together they heaved themselves to their feet and Sadie wrapped Obi-Wan's arm around her shoulder as far as it would go with the handcuffs. It was an undignified process. Obi-Wan's legs wouldn't cooperate, which meant Sadie had to pull him more or less completely. His hip screamed with every movement and he had to grit his teeth to resist the pain.

"Just keep on breathing," Sadie ordered as she expertly moved him forward.

A humorless laugh escaped from his throat. "You're starting to sound like Helix," he yipped between gasps of breath.

"Who's Helix?" asked Sadie back, her voice strained.

"The medic of my battalion," supplied Obi-Wan as Sadie finally lowered him onto the bed.

The mattress was thin, barely providing any cushion between the metal sheet that served as the bed frame. And it stank. Perhaps even worse than the rest of the cell, if that was even possible.

Still, Obi-Wan was happy not to have to lie on the cold floor anymore.

"Before I give you the Bacta, I'd like to take a look at the site."

If he was honest, he was already pretty exhausted from the previous procedure. But he needed her help, so he let her.

Obi-Wan shifted a little so he could slip the top of his overall down, at least as far as he could with the cuffs on his hands.

"Any chance you can remove those?" he asked demurely, holding up his hands, even though he basically already knew the answer.

"Unfortunately no," Sadie returned apologetically," I don't have a key for these. I'm afraid we'll just have to make do."

Defeated, Obi-Wan lowered his arms and let her work. Gently, she examined first his back and finally his hip, where she finally stopped.

"When was the last time you ate?" she asked suddenly as she ran another scan.

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again when he realized he didn't even know the answer.

For weeks already, he hadn't really felt hungry. Endless missions and reports for the Council, Satine's death, the continuous quarrel with Anakin; even within his own four walls he had not been allowed to find peace. The thought of food had passed quickly there.

"I don't know," he said sullenly, "...couldn't find what they brought here."

It wasn't a lie, but it was also nothing more than a pathetic excuse.

"I see," Sadie took her hands from his back, "Do you still feel ill?"

"No more than I did before," he answered honestly, "I feel drained... cold... without the Force - it feels like a part of me is missing."

At that, she blanched. "You can't reach the Force?"

Obi-Wan blinked.

She hadn't seen the collar yet.

Wordlessly, he pulled back the collar of his shirt so she could see the fine metallic band.

Sadie gasped, extending her fingers until they came to a stop just above the band. Obi-Wan felt the warmth.

"... May I?" she queried tentatively.

He only tipped his head shortly in response, feeling detached somehow.

Her fingers slid over the metal. "I can't see a lock," she murmured, "No seam... nothing..." Sadie let her hand hover over his neck again where the tape pressed into his skin. "It cuts you."

"...It also delivers electric shocks when I try to reach the Force..." he added wearily, releasing the collar of his shirt so that his tormentor was hidden again.

Sadie seemed to have fallen into a kind of stasis as she still didn't move from her position.

"Sadie?" asked Obi-Wan as the silence began to stretch.

It seemed to have the intended effect. Sadie recoiled and managed to break free of her trance. "I... I'm sorry... I've just never seen anything like this before... This is - this is just cruel."

Obi-Wan didn't want to upset her. "It's not your fault," he tried to reassure her, "You're doing what you can."

The doctor expelled a breath, and if Obi-Wan had to guess, she probably just dropped her shoulders. "Still... it's not fair."

"The galaxy has never been a kind place," he retorted wryly, "We just have to learn to make do with what we are given."

Sadie said nothing in response and instead began preparing the injection.

Obi-Wan silently allowed her to do so, this time only flinching a little as the needle was placed just above his hip.

"Done," stated Sadie, helping him pull the overall back up, "Let me put some more Bacta on your neck and hands."

Again he let her, even though they both knew it was just a drop in the bucket. His neck would be bloody again in a few hours.

Sadie methodically finished replacing the bandages around his hands and settled back.

"Okay," she said, "Just one more thing."

She turned to her bag and pulled out something Obi-Wan already recognized from the sound.

A ration bar.

Without much fanfare she pressed it into one of his hands. "Here, you should eat that."

He let his useless eyes flicker between the bar and the doctor before giving in.

The thing tasted just as awful as he remembered her, but as he ate he realized how hungry he actually was.

It wasn't long before he held out the blank paper to Sadie and she plucked it from his hand.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," she replied softly and stood up, "I'm afraid that's all I can do for now. Is there anything else I should know?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No. You've helped me enough already."

Sadie sighed. "Not even close... before I go, would you like me to tell Anakin something?"

Staring ahead of him, Obi-Wan let his mind wander. He was conflicted. Should he make a move on his former best friend? Or was that naive?

"No," he finally pressed out, "I have nothing to say to him."

"As you wish," Sadie murmured, visibly disappointed, but not contradicting him, "... I'll try and see what I can do for you."

With that, she left him alone. Perhaps it was selfish, his behavior.

But Anakin had made his choice and now Obi-Wan was making his.

Both had to get along with it, whether they wanted or not.