Chapter 24

The machines were making a constant noise, may it be a gurgling, beeping, huffing or just an endless humming.

Over time, every human being would get annoyed by these unnerving sounds, but not Chloe. At least, not anymore. She got used to it, and could even peacefully fall asleep beside it, because these sounds told her that Max was still alive.

Yes, he was alive, yet in a coma. For five long months now, and during all that time, Chloe had spent as many hours beside him as possible, day and night, 7 days a week. No matter if it had been a school day or not.

She missed him. Missed his voice and presence. Missed that he was around.

After the crash, they had flown him to Portland as a specialist for lung surgery had been necessary. The surgery took almost 8 hours. 8 hours in which nobody knew if Max would make it. And even after the operation it took days until he was out of danger.

Visits in Portland had been difficult, hence the distance to their hometown. So, it came with a relief as they finally could transfer him to the hospital in Arcadia Bay, where his family had finally been able to visit him constantly.

Chloe had changed during that time. Her haircut was still the same, yet it was entirely cobalt-blue. Her stuttering was almost entirely gone, thanks to many hours of self-training during her visits. She had kept her promise to Steph and Max, and was now a better person. Her school grades were way above average and her swimming had so much improved that Miss Boreas had already announced her the new team captain.

Yes, Chloe was doing well, but only because she promised it, not because she cared about it. In truth, she felt empty and dull. Only Steph managed to give her some reason, yet their relationship suffered again. More than once Chloe had played with the thought to just spare her beloved Steph this agony and finish their relationship. But for now, her girlfriend was everything that gave her some hold, so she decided to keep it going as long as possible.

A soft knocking let her look up from the schoolwork in front of her. It was Steph, who entered quietly, walking directly towards her girlfriend in order to greet her with a kiss before she sat down beside her.

"How is he?" she whispered, setting her backpack onto the ground and started to unpack it as she had planned to do some homework.

"The same like yesterday and the entire last fuckin' five months before," was Chloe's harsh reply, already feeling annoyed and edgy, because she was do tired to get asked how Max was doing.

"Sorry for asking," returned Steph, knowing that her girlfriend hated this question. "Had a tough day. Mom and Dad flipped their shit 'cause of this fuckin' math exam and it's already been two months since we two spent some private time together."

"Ugh, just say that you're horny and need a fuck to take off the edge. Ever heard of masturbation?"

Being tired of such snarky comments towards her and how Chloe was literally stomping on their relationship, Steph's demeanor darkened. She took Chloe's hand in a very strong, hurtful grip and whisper-yelled "The fuck, Chloe?! Are you even listening to what you're saying and doing? I'm not just here because of Max, but because of you… Because of us! I know that you worry about Max. Damn, I worry about him, too. But you're about to drown in self-pity."

"What?! I'm not…" the blue-haired girl tried to counter, but didn't even get the chance to finish her sentence.

"You are, Chloe! You're just not getting it. What happened to Max is horrible and I get that it fuckes you up. But you need to understand that he's like a brother to me, too. Fuck, you don't even know how much I cried for him, because you were never there!"

With a deep breath, Steph tried to calm down a bit, yet it only worked partly. She had to spill tears nonetheless.

"Y'know, I get why you're here all the time. You wanna be there for him, because you weren't there when he had this accident. You don't wanna leave him alone, no matter if he wakes up or not. But do you think that he wants you to throw away your life for him? You already said it, for five fuckin' months nothing has changed in here. But the world outside has changed. Will and Van appreciate what you're doing for Max, but they're missing you, too. Wells is ragin' that you skip classes all the time. And I…"

Steph paused for a moment as sadness overwhelmed her, because the next words were lying heavy on her.

"I miss my girlfriend, Chloe. I miss her, though I visit her almost every day. Because, inside this hospital, she's just an empty shell. You're here, but you're also not. You kiss me, but there are no feelings. You use me as your cry-pillow, but when I need that from you, you're not in the mood or do it so half-heartedly that it hurts more than it helps, and I'm tired of this!"

Leaning forwards, Steph gazed deeply into her girlfriend's eyes, underlining the importance of her words.

"You have to decide. Do you wanna keep going like this and drown in your self-pity? Because if that's the case then I'm outta here and we're done, 'cause I can't take this shit anymore! Or, do you wanna get your shit together and finally accept that things with Max are what they are and you can't fuckin' change 'em at the moment?"

Not only for a fraction of a second, had any of them broken eye-contact. Not even as Chloe's blue orbs began to well up with a flood of tears. She struggled. Steph or Max? Or was that even the question? Steph was right, Max' condition hadn't changed a bit during those last months and the chance that they would was pretty low. But was that a reason to leave him alone? What if he was feeling her presence and needed her to find back? What if he would wake up all alone?

Chloe was trapped. Trapped between two options. And though she had already played with the thought to break up with Steph, doing so was now so much harder.

She loved Steph, yes. But she also loved Max. Both equally. This was also something she had found out those last months. So the main question was, would Steph understand this? Or, in that case, would there be a solution for this problem? Or was she forced to make the ultimate decision, sooner or later?

Not saying a word, Chloe eventually got up from her seat, walked over to her comatose step-brother and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"I love you, man. Don't die on me while I'm gone, okay!"

The pen scratched over the half-empty, checkered paper, drawing random lines and figures instead of letters and numbers. Rachel hated tutoring. It was boring and total nonsense in her eyes, because she would get this knowledge out of certain books and the internet in no time. Besides that it was a beautiful day outside, which she would love to spend at the beach or in the pool, instead of sitting in her room and listening to her tutor's boring words.

"Rachel!" chimed his strict voice, forcing the young girl to focus on him again.

His name was Albert - his last name she had already forgotten - and he was a typical young private-teacher. He was lanky, blond, had glasses on his nose and was boring in any way. Actually, he only had gotten the job because he was the son of one of her father's colleagues.

As her mother had told her in the hospital, her dad had picked up Rachel right after she had been allowed to leave. Even her bags had already been packed. But saying goodbye to her mom had been the hardest part. She loved her mom and just the thought of leaving her for such a long time had filled her with so much sadness that due had been crying for days. She missed her. And above all that she missed Max.

Still having contact with Steph, she knew about his condition. And she also knew that Chloe would kill her on sight, if she'd ever come close to Max again… And that for a good reason.

Yes, Rachel still blamed herself for everything, which had triggered a heavy depression, paired with her bipolar disorder. And being the last five months at her father's home didn't help at all.

"Rachel!" scolded her tutor once more, now getting Rachel's full attention. "Listen, I know that most of this stuff's boring as shit, but you need to focus or you won't be ready for the next school year."

Sighing a quiet "Sorry!" Rachel dropped the pen and shoved her notes aside. "Sorry, Albert, but I'm not in the mood today. Can't we just, y'know…"

Suddenly, the young teacher put his hand on the young girl's right thigh, kneading it softly and saying "We could also do some extracurricular stuff, if you wanna."

A cold shiver of discomfort went through Rachel's body upon the touch, causing her to swat away the young man's hand. "That's...that's not what I meant. I…"

Once more, the teacher came closer, this time trying to kiss her. His lips had barely touched Rachel's as she turned away and jumped up.

"Al, we...we can't do this, okay!"

"Why not?" he replied, getting up as well. "Your dad's at work and your mom went for groceries. So, nobody's gonna…"

"It's not that!" was her answer as she took a few more steps back, because she feared that Albert would react to this rejection like Nathan. "It was a mistake to let you think that I've feelings for you, but I don't. I...I just needed someone to share my mental load and that's it."

"Shit!" scoffed the young man in reply, his cheeks blushing. "Looks like I made a complete fool outta myself, huh?"

Chiming in with a forceful chuckled "Yeah!" Rachel tried to take the edge off as well, though she still didn't trust the peace, for which reason she slowly closed in on her bedside table, where her butterfly knife was stashed in the drawer.

"Alright," Alber eventually said after a minute, starting to pack his belongings. "Since I'm now totally embarrassed and made you uncomfortable, I'll give you the rest of the day off." He then shouldered his bag and said "Tell your dad I'm gonna call him tonight, okay. Bye, Rachel!" before taking his leave.

Now being alone again, Rachel huffed out the air that she had held in her lungs and slumped down on her bed. The situation was over, still the trauma remained. It had reminded her so much about what had happened with Nathan. The try to get close to her and to convince her to admit feelings she never had. She felt how her hands started to shake and her body to become restless.

She knew the signs of an imminent panic-attack. Had experienced it several times since the accident. And there was only one thing that could stop them.

Quickly, the young girl got up and walked into the bathroom. Her destination: the medicine cabinet. It used to be locked when she'd been a child, but now that she was sixteen, there was no need for this anymore… At least, in Rose's and her father's eyes. From her perspective, this cabinet was the opportunity for an ultimate escape. More than once she stood in front of it, thinking about which pills would be the best combination to end it efficiently. And right now these thoughts were there again.

Escape. An easy escape. That's all she wanted right now, because at that moment, her life was hell. Forced to stay at her dad's place, far away from Max and her mom, and any other person she would consider a friend, Rachel had lost to see the bright side of life. She hadn't even been able to perform at the school's play, which had to be canceled, because she and Max used to be key personnel and were unable to be present.

'What's left if everythin' you hold dear goes to shit and it's all your fault?' she thought with melancholy and took one of the plastic bottles with sleeping pills. 'What do ya think, Max? Should we just skip the shit and meet in the afterlife? Just the two of us. And then, we could finally live in peace and…'

"Rachel?" it suddenly chimed behind Rachel, causing the young girl to gasp and drop the pills in her hand, which fell to the ground and were scattered all over the floor.

"Shit!" she eventually cursed and immediately got on her knees to pick up the spilled pills.

Of course, Rose helped her, asking "What were you doing with those anyway?"

Instantly Rachel froze on the spot. It was just a short moment, yet obvious for her mother-in-law. "I, uh…" she began, cursing that her acting skills had left her for this short moment. "I was lookin' for my anxiety-pills and, uh… I-I must've picked the wrong bottle."

Rose obviously didn't believe her. But she also didn't scold or keep on pushing her. She just replied with a confirming humming and took the medicine can out of the young girl's hand.

"It's okay, darlin'. Just go and take your medicine, I'm gonna clean up the rest."

Giving her a short nod, Rachel then took the right bottle and went back to her room. There, she leaned against the closed door and took deep breaths in order to calm down.

Was she really considering committing suicide? Was she really in that bad shape?

Not willing to accept this and to get her head free, Rachel took off her sweatpants and plain t-shirt and changed into her sportswear, consisting of a sports bra and top plus some short pants.

Even after the first week, Rachel had pretty quickly grown tired of this house and her father's presence, so going for a walk had become a daily routine, especially when she had her anxiety-attacks.

She had almost reached the front door as she could hear Rose's and her father's half-whispering voices behind the closed door of the latter's office.

"...can't be serious. Why would she do this?"

"James, she was staring at those pills for a full minute. That's long enough to figure out that this wasn't her medicine, and then her reaction as I called her out…"

"You just startled her."

"For Christ's sake, James, she's suicidal! And after everything she's been through, it doesn't even surprise me. You know very well how much I care about her. And even if she isn't my real daughter, I still love her like my own flesh and blood."

"Rose, honey, Albert is gonna give me his report tonight. He's the expert and I'll mention what you just told me to him. Let's see what he says."

"You think it was wise to don't tell Rachel that he's a psychiatrist and not a teacher?"

"According to her mother, she refused any help after the incident in her school. This is why I wanted to keep her here, because she needs to be observed by a professional. Sera was way too careless with her. First those infractions at school, now this accident and rebellious behavior. If it were after me, she'd never go back there…"

It was too much for Rachel, she couldn't simply hear those words anymore and ran out of the house.

'Lies. Lies. And even more lies!' echoed in her head as she ran along the beach, leaving droplets of tears along her path. Her father hadn't changed, not even a bit. He was still a liar and that Rose was supporting this again, hurt her even more.

'Max, I miss you! Why can't you be here?'

At a certain point she wasn't able to run anymore, yet barely walked until she had reached a deserted part of the beach, where she simply collapsed into the sand and cried desperately in her hands.

Before Nathan's attampt to sexualy abuse her, Rachel's life had nearly been perfect. She had lived with her mom, had an almost perfect boyfriend, had good grades in school and was about to be the lead-actress once more. But this all was now lying in shatters.

Max was in a coma and far away. The person she had trusted with her turmoil of feelings was spying on her for her father, who was lying right into her face once more. She was alone here. So alone. She didn't want this anymore. She wanted this to end. But not by taking the easy way!

James Amber loved when he had a day off. No pressure, no appointments and no attorneys who were trying to impress him. Just silence and a lot of time for his beloved wife.

Yes, he normally was a very busy man, so he tried to use such days for his family. That is why he had always avoided any work when Rachel was living at his place, though she mostly wasn't interested in spending any time with him.

No, these times are over. The mid-aged man could consider himself lucky, when she wasn't giving him a stinky eye, yet simply ignored him.

Nonetheless he took those days off, even if they meant that he was just enjoying life by listening to classical music and reading a bunch of magazines he didn't have time to read when he was working.

Right now, this was such a moment. Just quietness, sitting in his reclining chair with a newspaper in his hands, and Rose, who was humming a song while preparing the coffee table.

However, this peaceful atmosphere took a sudden end as the front door got slammed shut so hard that the porcelain in the cupboard was clinking, and a very upset Rachel was stomping into the living room.

"You lying piece of shit!" she hissed, ripping the newspaper out her father's hands and shredded it into pieces. An outrageous act in James' eyes, but as he saw this burning hate in her normally beautiful eyes and felt this strong aura of rage she radiated, he decided to stay calm.

Huffing his bit of anger, James said "Rachel, please, calm down and take a seat!" and signed at the other reclining chair. But Rachel didn't even think about that. On the contrary, she just got started.

"The hell I'll calm down," she yelled back, knocking over a wooden statue that was standing close by. "Why didn't you tell me that Albert is a psychiatrist? Why did you lie to me again?"

"Rachel, honey…" said Rose, who was now also joining in and tried to pacify as well by touching her daughter-in-law's shoulder, who, however, withdrew it right away.

"Just don't touch me!"

"We were worried," James eventually answered calmly, taking his wife's hand as a sign that it had been their decision. "You refused to see professional help, so we had to come up with a solution?"

"By lying to me again?!"

"Lex dubia non obligate," he answered plainly. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"We just want your best!" underlined Rose, therefore supporting her husband.

Rachel was alone again, once more betrayed and desperate. She didn't know what to do anymore, apart from laughing hysterically, which, however, simply turned out as a cynical scoff.

What should she do now? She was trapped. There was no way out of this, or was there?

'Desperate times call for desperate measures…'

Those words from her father were now repeating themselves in her mind. She knew the rules. She knew what they were expecting of her and what would happen if she didn't comply, but this wasn't possible anymore. Not if she wanted to survive. So, she made a hard decision. A decision that would bear hard consequences and would surely lead to a hard fight.

"Y'know what?" Rachel eventually said, "You can both fuck yourselves!" and ran towards her room.

She heard her father yell after her, but didn't care. She didn't even waste any time and prepared everything for her leave. Yes, she would go back to Arcadia Bay, her true home. She would visit her mom and Max, no matter if her dad wanted this or not, because those two were her only anchor right now and she needed them. All she had to do now was to wait for the night to settle in.