Chapter 32

Gone. Her mom was gone. Taken away by an illness far too early.

Too young. She had been too young to go. She still would've had so many years to live, to enjoy life, to spend more time with her daughter.

Time. Time that was now lost forever.

Lost. Rachel felt lost and empty, without a meaning. Only Max gave her strength.

Max!

Max was her anchor. The rock that was breaking the tidal waves of life. He was there, right beside her. Normally, he wouldn't be there, but instead in hospital. But he cared so much that he had moved heaven and hell to be with her.

Max. He was the only thing that was keeping her sane at the moment. She needed him. She needed him so much. She needed to feel him. So, she cuddled closer to him. Very close.

He squirmed, but didn't wake up. Good! Rachel didn't want him to wake up. He needed the rest. But she also had needs. The need for more contact. For more everything.

She let her hand glide under his shirt, feeling his bare skin. It's warm and so comforting.

More! She needed more in order to soothe this inner fire of yearning.

Rachel kissed him on the cheek. Once, twice. Then his lips. At first soft, then passionate.

More! It wasn't enough. The fire burned even hotter. It was unbearable. Rachel was losing control, her needs overwhelming her.

It was wrong to do this, yet she couldn't stop. Her hand reached deeper into his shorts. She felt him. His arousal. It aroused her, too.

More!

Was it desperation? Rachel didn't care. She needed this!

She was lying on Max, simply shoving this thin layer of fabric that was her underwear aside to get what she yearned for.

At first, it hurt. But soon and with every movement it turned into lust. A wildfire of lust that was getting out of control with every passing second. Yes, this was it!

She heard Max groaning right in her face and joined in, getting louder and louder with every thrust.

She closed her eyes just so that she could focus on the feelings. She felt him. Deep. Every inch. Pleasure. Hot pleasure that was intensifying more and more until it became too much and overwhelmed her.

Rachel moaned even louder, not caring that her father could possibly hear her. She heard Max say something, but it didn't matter. She kept on going until his groaning increased in volume as well.

As Rachel's climax faded, the fog in her mind cleared and she became aware of her surroundings again.

Max was lying under her, all sweaty and breathing heavily, as she was as well.

Slowly, it seeped into the young girl's mind that she just had sex with her boyfriend again. She never had planned this. Originally, Max was supposed to just be there for her as a cry pillow. Was he even in any condition for such activities? Or did she just make it worse?

Why did she induce sex anyway? It was the day of her mom's funeral, so why in the hell did she do that?! She should be sad and devastated, not in the mood for sexual desire. She should be shedding tears, not having a wet vagina. So, why?

'Mom, why are you gone? What should I do? Why am I such a despicable person?'

'You aren't a despicable person, Rachel!' Sera's voice chimed suddenly in her mind, wanting her to jump up, yet, she somehow didn't do so.

'M-mom?! How…?'

'Remember what I did when everything was over my head and I wanted to escape?'

Rachel was confused, almost about to lose her mind. Hearing her mother's voice once again after her demise, was more than she could handle at the moment. Still, she stayed calm and answered 'You took drugs.'

'That's right,' the voice affirmed. 'And after I got high, I went to a club and got myself the first best man I could find so I could fuck him till dawn. Now, do you think that I'm a despicable slut?'

'Never! It was a fucked up time and…'

'You see? Just because you longed for intimate contact with Max to soothe your inner pain, doesn't make you a despicable person. And I guess Max didn't complain about this.'

Rachel pondered about this answer. Thought about every word, until she came to the conclusion that Sera was probably right.

'I guess you're right. Thanks, mom! Mom?'

But this time, nobody replied. There was only darkness, silence and the panic that took a hold on Rachel upon the fear that she would never hear her mother's voice ever again.

'Mom?! MOOOM!'

Her eyes shot open. Where was she? What happened?

Rachel felt disoriented and dizzy. She felt warmth and that her pillow was constantly heaving. Only as she focused she realized that her head was resting on Max's chest while her arm was draped over his stomach.

Had last night been real?

Last night had felt so unreal. Did they really had sex or had it just been a wet dream?

Max was still asleep, so Rachel tried to be as cautious as possible in order to not wake him. According to the clock on the nightstand it was shortly after 6 am. Way too early to get up, but to get some more shut-eye. Sadly, Rachel didn't feel tired anymore and the need to go to the bathroom literally forced her to get up.

Slowly and quietly, she put the blanket aside and stood up. She was still fully dressed in her top and her undies, as well as Max, who was still wearing his t-shirt. Another proof that last night really just happened in her mind.

With wavering steps she maneuvered through the small labyrinth of packed boxes towards the bathroom. On her way, she heard her dad snoring in the living room and couldn't suppress a slight pang of anger. She simply hoped that she would never see him again once he returned to Long Beach.

Eventually, she reached the bathroom, locked the door and pulled down her undies in order to relieve herself. And that was the moment she noticed it. The inside of her underwear was entirely sticky and there was even more flowing out of her. Befuddled, she wiped with some toilet paper over her nether region and looked at the result.

"Fuck!" she muttered in shock, now realizing that last night hadn't been a dream at all. She indeed had sex with Max and…he actually came inside of her without protection.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Rachel was smart. Unlike most girls her age, she studied a lot, especially when it came to things that were considering herself. She knew that women were very fertile right between their menstruation. And it was the right time.

Panic began to take over. What if Max had impregnated her last night? What would she do?

It wasn't like she never had thought about having a family with Max. A house, steady income, kids, some pets. A real steady family.

But not right away. Not now. Maybe in like 10 years, when the wild times were over and she and Max had their future settled and were ready for this. But not now! Not right after her mom died and she was about to move into the Blackwell dorms. She didn't want to be one of those pregnant school girls who were sitting in class, rubbing their big bellies while taking some useless notes, knowing that their lives were fucked either way, because…

'Don't go there, Rach! A lotta girls manage with the help of…'

…their parents. In Rachel's eyes, she was an orphan now. No parents to help her. Maybe Vanessa and William would do it. They were Max's parents, and Max would be the father, so…

'Or maybe they kick my sorry ass out and Max just leaves me alone with this mess.'

What should she do? Would Max really leave her? No! He was way too caring to do that. But what now? Should she tell him her worries? Tell him that she could be pregnant?

'Fuck, you don't even know, idiot! Don't rock the boat before you know for certain. Now, think, idiot! Think!' she thoughtfor herself, hammering her head with her flat hand. 'A doctor! Yes, I need to see my gynecologist. No! Scratch that. She'd info my dad right away. Pregnancy test! Yes, I need to get some tests and then… Fuck, let's hope that my stupidity didn't ruin everything.'

Rachel didn't return to her room. She had simply tossed the dirty undies into the trash and put on her bathrobe. Now she was sitting in her mom's former room, a cup of cold instant ice-coffee in her hand and pondering. Though she never wanted to do this ever again, she had to build up another facade. She had to pretend and act again.

Some commotion could be heard in the apartment. Max was probably awake.

'Time to put on your mask, asshole!' she thought, sighing out loud and drinking up her coffee. 'Lights, camera, action!'

Confidently she walked out of the room and straight into the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for Max and herself. She didn't care that her father was still asleep and went even further by making some more noise with the dishes.

Then Max came into the kitchen with slow steps, his brown hair all scruffy, mumbling a quiet "Morning" before he sat down at the table. Immediately, Rachel walked over to him and gave him the most passionate 'the-morning-after'-kiss possible.

"Morning, sweetie!" she then whiffed into his stunned face, followed by a mischievous smirk. It was hard for her to keep up her facade, so she did what she would always do in that case: overacting. "So, whatcha wanna eat?"

'Don't overdo it or he'll get suspicious.'

Still entirely puzzled about this behavior, Max shook his head to get rid of his drowsiness and then said "Uh, coffee…I guess. And, um…some cereals?"

Like a ballet-dancer, Rachel waltzed back into the kitchen and started to prepare breakfast, while James groaned and squirmed on the couch as he lazely got up. Yes, he probably had too much to drink last night and had a very heavy head. Another reason for his daughter to make some more noise with a mischievous smirk on her lips.

"Rachel…be a darlin' and please make a cup of coffee for me, too!" he said with a heavy voice while he was sitting on the couch, his head resting in both cupped hands, hoping to get that hot beverage real soon. But all Rachel did was to put some raw coffee powder into a mug and serve this to her father.

"Here ya go! Think that's strong enough for your hangover."

Absently, he just took the ceramic container, not even realizing how light it was, and tried to take a big swig. The powdered coffee hit him right in the face, crawling into his open mouth and nose.

James coughed and spit out the brown powder, scattering it all over himself and the floor.

"Strong enough?" Rachel asked cynically, cackling as she put some milk into a bowl that was filled with some cereals.

Max on the other hand was just awestruck and awaited James to go full ballistic on his daughter. But instead, he just shook his head in defeat, got up and left the room without another word. Apparently, he had truly given up on his daughter.

"Here ya go!" Rachel then announced as she put the breakfast on the table and sat down as well. Silence settled for a minute, before Max cleared his throat and started to speak.

"Ok, Rach, what's going on?"

'I told you, you were too obvious, idiot! Now act like a pro and not like a fuckin' amateur!'

"Um, what do you mean?"

The young boy gulped down his latest bite and put his spoon aside, hinting that a serious conversation was inbound.

"Rach, since your mom died, you were completely devastated and depressed, barely speaking a word. Yesterday, I literally had to carry you to the funeral and back. And now…fuck! Playing pranks and acting all happy…that just doesn't add up. So, what's wrong?"

'Fuck, fuck, fuck! Stall! Think about something!'

"Uh, nothing…just…"

"Is it about last night?"

The question hit, and it hit hard! Max was smart. He knew her way too well. So, Rachel went silent and her facade crumbled instantly into a pile of dead, stinking lies. She couldn't do it. She couldn't lie to Max. She loved him too much. Instead, she turned into a crying mess. Sobbing and breaking down on the table.

Max was there for her in an instant, hugging and comforting her. Right at this moment, James returned, asking what was going on. A mistake. Rachel immediately yelled every known curse at him. Told him that he was dead in her world. That he should just leave and never return.

"For Christ's sake, Rachel, I'm your father! Me and Rose are the only family you've got left." he returned in anger as he became tired of his daughter's adolescent behavior towards him. "I'd do anything to make my mistakes up to you again. I even swallowed this stupid prank from before. So, just tell me, what do I have to do to get your trust back?"

"Nothing! Just nothing. I don't want you and Rose in my life, you lying piece of shit! Don't you get it?! Fuck-OFF!" she yelled back in anger, jumping up so fast that her shoulder hit Max, who was still close to her, right in the face, knocking him out so that he landed on the floor.

"Max!" she immediately gasped, kneeling down to help him up again. "Shit, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"I-I'm okay," Max groaned, rubbing his sore jaw, while Rachel hugged him and sobbed in his shoulder out of relief.

James was there too, softly touching her shoulder as he softly mentioned "Rachel, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't deserve your forgiveness. But your anger gets you and the people who love you hurt. Stop this! Stop acting like…"

"You still don't get it," Rachel replied with a weak voice, still sniffing. "Since I found out about mom, all I did was acting. Everything was just an act. But no more! This is the real me! And I hate you! I want you out of my life! Max is my only family now."

"Rachel…" James sighed, but got cut off right away.

"Just pack your shit and leave! Leave me and Max alone. And don't you dare, sending me money or checks. I don't want your fuckin' shit. None of it!"

A heavy sigh followed as James got up again and started to pack his stuff. Max was smart enough to stay out of this fight, because he knew how adamant his girlfriend was about this topic, though it hurt him to see a family breaking apart. But it was Rachel's decision and her decision alone. She had good reasons. Reasons that were way older than their relationship.

Right after the front door fell into the lock, Rachel backed away from Max, wiping her face with the back of her hands.

"Thanks for staying out of it. You think I overdid it?"

"I dunno… Maybe? I mean, it seems like he really wants to apologize."

Upon this answer, Rachel got up again and sauntered back into the kitchen to get a cloth in order to clean up the remnants of her prank.

"Maybe…" she eventually said, stopping in her doings as she gave the topic a deeper thought. "But you can't tell the difference anymore. He became such a fuckin' good liar. All the trust I once had for him, is totally fucked. And now that my mom is gone, I hate him even more, because his fuckin' lies have literally taken me away so many years with her. So many years I…I could've learned more about her. Years we…we could've spent together. So…many…years…"

Once again, tears were falling from her beautiful face as fond memories were flooding her mind. But soon, those tears of sadness turned into tears of pure anger. Furiously, she let her clenched fist hammer directly onto a plate that was standing on the counter, making it burst into hundreds of pieces.

"I HATE THIS ASSHOLE FOR THAT!"

Again and again and again she hammered with her fist on the, with multiple ceramic fragments covered, surface until blood was flowing and all strength had left her.

Only as Rachel was once more a crying mess, Max dared to come close to her again. In his eyes it was good that she vented her anger, yet it was horrible that so much was inside her that she even drew blood from it.

"Max…" she eventually whispered with such an emotionless tone that it even let shivers run down the young boy's spine as he took care of her injured hand. "Thanks for being here, otherwise I'd set the entire world on fire. Just burn it down to cinder. Burn it down…everything…"

Max was back at the hospital as agreed with the doctors. Rachel had brought him back, since her hand had been in need of medical attention anyway. With four cuts, ten stitches in total, it was now wrapped into some bandages.

Right now, the young girl was standing in front of a shelf, filled with feminine hygiene products, of the local grocery store, pondering about which of the numerous pregnancy tests she should take.

At the moment she had two of them in her hands, reading the inscription, as someone surprisingly called "Hey, Rach!", causing the blonde to drop the tests as she got startled like a child that had been caught stealing cookies from the jar. It was Steph who immediately picked up one of the packages, without reading about its content and handed it to her friend.

"Here ya go! Sorry for scaring you."

"Shit, thanks Steph! No prob." Rachel replied after she had picked up the other package, blushing in embarrassment as she feared that Steph might find out what was going on. And that fear wasn't without any reason. So, she tried to distract her with a bit of smalltalk while putting away all evidence. "So, what leads you here?"

Shrugging with her shoulders, rolling with her eyes and waving around a pack of tampons in her hand, the brunette nerd returned "Y'know, though you're a lesbian, you still have to participate in the monthly horrors of menses. Damn, every month I bleed like a freakin' elf that gets butchered by a pack of ravaging orcs! And you? How are you? I'm still so sorry for your loss. Your mom was really awesome."

"Yeah…" Rachel replied, bowing her head as a new wave of sorrow hit her. "Thank god that Max could stay overnight, it really helped."

"Hey, if you want, I can come over. Y'know, play some games and talk shit."

Thankful for the offered distraction, Rachel gave Steph a soft smile. "That'd be awesome. Thanks, Steph!"

"Okeydoke, just get your stuff and…"

Just at that moment, Steph realized what her friend had been searching for as she let her gaze shift between the products on the shelf in front of them and Rachel.

"Steph…" the young blonde immediately tried to intervene as she understood that her cover was blown. But Steph was faster. She frowned chidingly at her friend as she was about to make the wrong conclusions.

"When did that happen?! I thought Max was in hospital all the time. Did you…?"

"Fuck no, Steph. I didn't sleep with someone else like a fuckin' slut. It happened last night, during the sleepover."

Letting out a sigh of relief, Steph calmed down pretty quick, grabbed one of the packages and handed it to Rachel, who gazed at her quizzically.

"Not wanna question your timing for unprotected sex, but…fuck. Here, take this one, it's one of the best. And before you ask: no, I never had to use 'em. My mom, though, tried to get pregnant for some time before she realized that everything was broken down there. She used those for over a year since they're the most accurate."

"Uh…thanks," was everything Rachel managed to say, already feeling edgy again. She just was glad to have found someone, who she could talk about this, though not entirely voluntary. She then embraced her friend and whispered into her ear. "Please keep this between us, okay."

"You betcha!"