chapter 7: Alibi in the presentation

Seth was not happy with the decision for archduke Batwin to be elected the monsters' new leader. No way! No way in Hell!

As anyone could guess, his meeting with the new ruler did not go as planned, much to Comet's dismay.

- NO FREAKING WAY!- Seth bumped his fists on the table, scaring Batwin as a result.- Septarsis will never make peace with those filthy, untrustworthy, crap-loving mewmans! Why won't you just die, woman?!

- Lord Seth!- Comet tried to be diplomatic.- There is no need to get aggressive!

- YOU SHUT UP, YOU TROLLOP!- the alpha septarian yelled again.

- Do not insult my queen, you...- Mina was about to defend the queen, before Comet interrupted her politely.

- It's okay, Mina. I can handle the situation myself.

The queen turned back to Seth, who was accompanied by his general as his loyal bodyguard. She put her brave face on and did her best to look confident. Luckily, her daughter Moon was not here to witness this intense scene herself.

Comet pressed her hands together elegantly and cleared her throat.

- Lord Seth! I'm sorry things are not going the way you hoped them to, but this peace treaty will put our countries to rest, bringing harmony to all of us, once and for all. It's for the good of Mewni.

- Bullsh...- Seth was about to curse again, until his coughing called again.

Toffee patted his mentor's back to ease him. Seth's condition was getting worse. The distraction, actually, gave Seth enough time to think of a better idea about his next line.

- You know what, queen Comet?- the white-haired monster spoke, after he stopped coughing.- I think this might not be that bad of an idea, after all. Perhaps, we all need some rest.

After that, Seth got up. Turning his back towards Batwin and Comet, he and Toffee left the room.

- Man!- Batwin declared, obviously very scared.- That was horrifying. I don't think we can include Septarsis into the peace treaty.

- Relax, my dear Batwin!- the queen assured him.- I'm not afraid of that crusty old gecko. Didn't you see him? He's basically ancient.- the queen could barely hold her chuckles.

Comet was not exactly whispering and the septarians were not that far away either, for Toffee had heard all of that.

- What exactly is your idea?- Toffee asked his master, once the two found privacy in the tent.

- Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, Toffee! Just go and join that shitty fatso Batwin's army and do whatever the Hell he says. When the right moment ocurrs, we struck Comet the Chef. I don't care if she wants peace or not! She is not doing it for our sake, she's just looking for protection. In war, there are no friendships, Toffee! There are only resources!

- Everyone!- Eclipsa started the conference.- Thank you all for coming today!

The room was full of nothing but royalty. Monarchs from throughout Mewni had gathered around the table to discuss the idea of forming an intergovernmental organization, with the purpose of regulating international connections. It was all Toffee's idea, which for many was immediately a reason to reject the suggestion. Individuals, such as Dave and Wrathmelior Lucitor from the Underworld, as well as king and queen Spiderbite were the most prominent candidates against the idea (and against Toffee, by extension).

In spite of the fact, they were yet to vocally comment on their thoughts on the matter, their opinion was easy to guess from their expressions alone.

- Before we begin- spoke Eclipsa.- does anyone have any questions, that do not concern today's topic?

- I have one, actually.- queen Spiderbite was the first to raise her hand. She pointed at Toffee.- Why is he here? Intergovernmental meetings are no place for a terrorist!

- Toffee is a world leader too.- the Queen of darkness answered the question.- And with all my respect, Your Majesty, but he has paid his reparations over a year ago, so nobody here has the right to accuse him of being a criminal anymore.

Toffee knew that there would be instances of antagonism like this one. Good thing that Star had managed to convince king and queen Johansen from the Johansen kingdom to give the septarian their solidarity, as they were relatives of Star from her father's side. King Pony Head from the Cloud kingdom was apathetic. The Avarius kingdom lacked an official representative, due to the broken state of their country currently, but Dennis was willing to attend the meeting. Needless to say, that Toffee had very few allies in that room. Then again, that's how it usually was.

- Ladies and gentlemen!- the septarian started his speech.- I sent the invitation for that meeting today for one simple reason.

- We know.- king Dave crossed his arms angrily.- You want us all to unite and form an international organization. Honestly, I love the idea- he smiled.- just as long as you are not part of it.- the smile vanished.- Not after all the damage you've caused.

- Or- queen Spiderbite added.- after all the lives you've taken.

- Also- king Pony Head also joined.- I think we can add lust to the list.

Everybody raised an eyebrow, which was king Pony Head's cue to explain why he was thinking that way. He spit out his phone and showed the participants a few pictures of Toffee and a strange blue-haired woman in a restaurant.

- Look at those! Toffee with a mewman woman on a date.- the disembodied unicorn turned to the septarian.- Who is she?

- That is odd!- king Spiderbite rubbed his beard, causing a few spiders to crawl out of it.- I don't think I have seen her before. And I doubt she's a mewman, either. Considering the ears.

- Her name is Lilith Clawthorne.- Toffee clarified.- She is my informant from the Boiling isles. My relationship with her is entirely professional.

- Oh, really?- king Pony Head had his obvious doubts.- Because there are some rumors across Mewnian social media that you sleep with your informant.

- Rumors cannot be based on facts! Besides, I do not see what my personal life has to do with anything.

- Because I do not think we can trust someone, who uses the services of a courtesan.

Toffee squinted his eyes, feeling rather insulted by the accusation. He couldn't tell what was worse- implying he himself was promiscuous or that the floating head basically called an intellectual like Lilith a "fallen woman".

- Let's say, hypothetically, that there is something between me and my informant.- Toffee responded.- It will not change the fact that I, at least, have something to offer her.

Eclipsa snickered, knowing very well what Toffee meant.

- I like this guy!- king Johansen laughed out loud. His wife also joined him.

- Unfortunately for you, Your Majesty- Toffee continued.- there is nothing of the sort going on. Those pictures on social media were from my roundtable discussion with my informant. However, I advice you to take back what you just said about Lilith Clawthorne.

- Or else?- was king Pony Head's entire reply.

- Guess.- Toffee then changed the subject.- Let's get back to business!- he took out sheets of paper, with his research on them.- So, you all want to know why we should form a union, right?

Toffee stood up and gave each participant a copy of his research.

- I needed some data about the current situation on Mewni, so I made a little research. The results show that over 90% of the mewmans, who claim to despise monsters have never even seen a monster in real life and their information about them comes from mewman propaganda, such as books and board games. Does that happen to apply to anyone here?

- Well- Dave couldn't argue with that.- when I was little, we used to play a game, called "Castle defender", where we protect mewman kids from the hungry monsters.

- Can anyone tell me about minimum 2 documented cases of an instance, such as this one?

Everyone got lost in thinking, trying to recall if something has ever been announced on the news, but they couldn't think of anything.

- As far as the other side is concerned- Toffee turned to the next page.- over 99% of septarians, who claim to despise mewmans, have never even met a mewman in real life. What does that tell us about society?

Toffee didn't even wait for an answer.

- I'll ask you to remember everything you've just accused me of.- he pressed his fingertips together elegantly.- Turn to the next page, where I have placed the next piece of information.

So they did. The next page contained pictures of people from Mewni history, notably Bubipsa the Baby eater and Shastacan Spiderbite.

- As you can see, mewmans' history containes instances of cannibalism and infanticide, and yet this information remains hidden from most of the public.- Toffee got closer to king and queen Spiderbite.- And let's not forget to mention that your ancestor, Shastacan Spiderbite, Eclipsa's first husband, is guilty of abducting a middle-class child, completely ignoring the interests of her legitimate guardians, for the sake of replacing that said child with Meteora, Eclipsa and Globgor's hybrid daughter and the true heir to the throne. As a result, he started a scam, which lasted for over 300 years, lying to not just the denizens of Mewni, but also to the Butterfly family themselves.

King and queen Spiderbite exchanged a look, feeling exposed and unsure how to respond.

- Last, but not least, I managed to get some data from the robot from St. Olga's reform school, who was in charge of raising Meteora, after she was replaced with Festivia. Turns out that the young princess has spent her entire life being mistreated, so we can add child abuse to the list. I have a copy of the tape, if anyone needs confirmation.

Globgor and Eclipsa gave an angry glare to the Spiderbites, shocked and disturbed by the implications of what St. Olga had done to their daughter.

- Wow!- Dennis was impressed.- You're good!

- W-Where did you get all that info?- Dave was genuinely shocked.

- In conclusion- Toffee ignored the question.- the lack of regulations between our kingdoms has only led to uncontrollable chaos. The Great monster massacre is the best example. I have also prepared a SWOT analysis for those, in need of reasons why our kingdoms should be united. For strengths, I have written that Septarsis has the most sustainable military in Mewni, which can be of great help in times of need, such as now with a new foe, hiding in our dimension. You can just turn on that page and see the entire analysis for yourselves.- he paused before he continued.- I know, for certain, that all of us here have families. Most of us are parents even. I am not standing here, in front of you all, as a king. I am standing here...as a leader.- Toffee went back to his chair and sat down calmly.- Case closed!

Everyone was in awe. They remained completely speechless by Toffee's presentation, and some of them even checked his SWOT analysis as suggested.

- He's a true professional!- Eclipsa whispered to Globgor. If she had to be honest, she was a little envious of Toffee's skills as a king.

- That brain of his never takes a break!- Globgor commented.

In the corridor, Rasticore was guarding the door, keeping anyone from entering and interrupting the royal conference. Much to his surprise, to one, who showed up before him was none other than Hekapoo.

- Hey!- the redhead greeted the tall septarian.- You're Toffee's pal, right?

- It's Rasticore.

- Sure! Would like to come to the tavern with me for a drink? There are some things I'd like to discuss with you.

- No way!- Rasticore replied coldly.- I have a job to do now.

- It won't take long. I can send a message to the royals that you are with me.

The silence was interrupted by the sudden ring of queen Spiderbite's phone. She took it out to see what could be so important right now. It was a message from her daughter Penelope- she'd sent a picture to her parents about the latest news. Much to the Spiderbites' shock it was a picture of two mewman dead bodies. Found in Septarsis.

Shocked, the queen gasped heavily and instinctively placed her hand in front of her mouth. Her husband's reaction was just as tense. The couple immediately sent the picture to the other royals. Once the other participants checked the message, the followed reaction was the same shock.

- What's going on?- Toffee asked.

- D-D-Don't act like you don't know!- queen Spiderbite was shaking.- I knew it!

- K-Killer!- her husband stuttered, as he pointed at Toffee accusingly.- MURDERER!

- I never liked you!- king Johansen said.

All the royals, except for Globgor and Eclipsa, stood up and were holding their chairs, directed at Toffee, as he was some kind of a wild untamed beast.